My life has been punctuated with several great cliffs. I fell down each, and I got up and walked forward. There was never any going back. I had fallen and there just wasn't any way to climb back up, nor did I try very hard.

When I fell into Equestria, I had Twilight's device. It let me keep working at home and doing my part. I had fallen, but a phone line stretched from where I had fallen to back up to the top, so I lived in both places without complaint.

Until I got an email.

It informed me that I had a Facebook message waiting for me. Not a site I checked often, especially after going to Equestria. I pulled it up then curiously. A message from a friend of the family.

A message inviting people to a funeral. The funeral was for my mother. "Oh."

I felt bad. My mother had just died, and I started with 'oh?' Surely... Surely she deserved a stronger response than that... But I was never terribly good at crying for humans. Also, she was a world away... "Oh..." I shook myself out firmly and began digging. What happened?!

I found her messages. She had texted me, with emotions moving from pleading to outright raging and back again. She had gone through the stages of grief, several times. That I had been doing my part was not much of a comfort.

I wasn't there, and that proved too much.

"Crap." I had killed my mother. By not being there.

I scowled at nothing, drawing my hooves up and away. "Well... damn it."

"What's wrong?" Twinkle was there, watching me. "I never saw you get so upset, and you don't do upset very well."

"My mother died." I tucked the keyboard under the bed. "I killed her. In celebration, I'm going to school."

Twinkle blinked rapidly. "That is not how that works!"

"It is exactly how that works." I hopped to my hooves and willed my saddlebag into place. "See you later." I left the shocked Twinkle behind without another word, and without grabbing breakfast.

A thought came to me and I flipped through my mental spellbook. "Still new," I murmured, drawing up the spell that showed a pony with their mouth wide open with a toothbrush pressed against exposed teeth. "And..." I could feel it and hear it, inside. My teeth were being brushed by my magic. If it was a spell I could do while walking, I had no excuse not to do it.

I continued my swift stride towards school, ears pinned back against Twinkle's pleading cries echoing down the hall behind me. Her fumbling empathy grated; how could she understand?

Better to simply outrun the unwelcome sentiments. But a moment later I sensed the rapid patter of pursuing hooves as Twinkle drew up insistently by my side once more. I steeled myself against the coming trite comforts every mourner had doubtlessly heard a thousand hollow times before.

"David please, wait!" Twinkle puffed, slight form struggling to match my agitated pace. "I cannot claim to fully understand your bonds with those across worlds. But death bites deep even planets apart." She met my glare briefly before looking away. "Cherishing memories helps in time..." she began tentatively.

I nearly snarled at the obnoxious platitude but she pressed on gently before irritation spilled forth. "Just...don't shut out hearts here wishing to stand with you too." Her wingtips brushed my rigid back. "Besides, I knew her... I remember her, from the beforetime. She didn't show up that often, but I remember her..."

I wavered stride slowing. Twinkle had been there, silent as a doll she was. She knew mother. "She's gone..."

"And that... That hurts." Twinkle hoppped up, landing on my armored back. "That hurts. That's normal, and that hurts." She sat on my back, patting gently. "I'll tell the school what happened. Go home."

"No." I looked over my shoulder. "Sitting at home will only make me feel worse, not better. I'd rather do some schoolwork and hang out with some friends."

"I am a friend too." Twinkle dared a little smile.

I paused at that. "True... Sorry. I'm being a jerk, but I do want to go." I grabbed her gently in my magic. "Let me go." And I put her down next to me.

Twinkle sighed but nodded acceptance as I set her gently back onto the path, hooves scuffing the dust. Lingering hurt shone in her eyes realizing I still held back from relying overmuch on others during torrential inner storms. But she blinked hard forcing a trembling smile instead.

"If schoolwork suits your turmoil best, far be it from me to gainsay such a studious soul!" Her weak laughter echoed hollowly in the awkward pause. But sincerity burned brighter still somehow kindling hope where my stubbornness had barricaded care away. "Just...just promise if you need...anything..."

She faltered as emotions crested. I froze, realizing wetness suddenly glittered on cheeks from no cloud above.

"...I'm here." Twinkle finished hoarsely. "We all are, neophyte niece notwithstanding." She waved a floppy hoof back towards the treebrary, smile wobbling but determined. "You gave me family when I had naught. Let yours embrace you too now. Strange though we remain still to you, perhaps."

She took a half-step closer, almost hesitantly. "You are never alone unless isolating by choice, dear friend. And together is less painful than any solo sorrow."

I pawed at the ground. "I'm not running away." I glanced at the ponies walking past, as if they all stared at me. "I just have to get to school. This can wait until I get home tonight. I will come home, right on time, promise." Without waiting for a reply, I hurried through the gates onto the school and shook myself out.

"Present, future..." The past had little for me... Though I did need to clean a few things up.

I nodded to ponies and creatures I walked past, forcing a smile. Could they even see I was sad? Most couldn't. I knew that from practice.

I moved swiftly through the milling morning crowds, muzzle set determinedly though anxieties still gnawed beneath my carefully composed facade. Other students passed in laughing chatters, blessedly oblivious to inner turmoil.

Only one or two familiar faces registered cursory surprise at my too bright eyes or twitching ears hinting hollowly at unspoken burdens. But true friends lingered blessedly elsewhere granting me maneuvering room should steely resolve finally shatter sending me scrambling for safe harbor before the final bell.

The friendly bustle eased no ache but focused movement quieted the clawing maelstrom, if only briefly. It was time to focus on some work. I sank onto my seat and... The seat combusted under me. "What?" Ponies were screaming and fleeing me as I stood up, catching fire myself.

Water poured down over me, sending steam hissing in all directions, but the fire was quite insistent. I sputtered and thrashed in confusion, burning, steaming, and... oh. I sank to my haunches. "I went nirik."

"You went nirik," echoed Twilight, her horn still glowing as she conjured an unending stream of water from above me, dousing that curious body of mine that desperately wanted to be on fire. "David, go home. You are a wa..." She paused. "I take that back. You are not to enter the library. Call for Spike and Twinkle. They can keep you company while you work through this."

Shame flooded me as Twilight lectured, the scorched furnishings accusatory evidence of my unchecked explosive potential. I could have badly harmed innocents had things escalated further out of control.

I couldn't argue with her. A nirik kirin was about the last thing anyone wanted in a library. Much as it pained being barred temporary sanctuary in the treebrary, I had to get ahold of myself before that became an option.

I bowed submissively to Twilight's stern but caring authority. "I understand. Outside's best so I don't reduce your home to ashes." I fled the school, dripping water, puffing steam, and catching back on fire as the damp faded away. As much as I wanted to deny being angry and upset, my new body refused to hide it.

The world could see that one emotion at least. Thanks, I hated it.

"Neat." Pinkie landed beside me where I had sank to my haunches. She was casually roasting several marshmallows at once. "So, what's the occasion, huh?" She turned the stick in her hoof. "Learned a new spell and wanted to show it off?"

"No."

Pinkie inclined her head. "Wow. Maud only gives me that no when it's really bad." She munched one mallow and tossed the others away. "Want a hug?"

I raised a burning brow at her. "That's a bad idea."

"You don't trust me? Little fire padawan, I'm an earth master!" With a soft glimmer, she was encased in stone, then hugged me, unharmed by the licking fire. "See?" She squeezed me firmly. "I will hug you until you feel better."

I made soft notes of displeasure, and she bowled me over anyway, both of us flopping with her straddling me from above, cuddling me with giggles. "You're a little less owwie, you must feel better."

I laughed at that. "Damn it, Pinkie... Damn it... You are really hard to stay upset around..."

She squeezed tighter, nuzzling and tickling my sensitive belly without mercy despite yelps. I writhed vainly - no escaping her relentless snuggles!

Finally releasing me panting with lingering giggles, she beamed bright triumph. I nodded wordlessly, torn between dignity and gratitude with embers fading as my pulse slowed post-tickles.

Pinkie whispered knowingly, one ear cocked to my chest: "Feeling lighter?"

I flushed but smiled back, the brief blaze banked to warm coals again. It was really hard to be sad around Pinkie... "Well, I could tell you what made me upset to start with. It's a heavy one. I don't want to crush my favorite pink pie under it."

Pinkie raised a brow, patting out a little flicker of a fire as the stone flaked off her. "I'm up to your challenge. Did you fail a test? Did one of your besties leave you stranded?" She gasped, eyes so wide. "Did somepony not invite you to a party?!"

"This is maybe too dark." I rose to my hooves, ready to plod away from her, until I was tackled to the ground, belly first. "Pinkie?"

"Yup." She climbed up over me, sitting on me. "Not letting you go until you tell me what's bothering you."

I grunted, squirming under Pinkie pinning me prone in sunlight. "C'mon, lemme up!" I protested. "Don't need more clowning now!"

But she refused to budge, braiding my splayed tail as I wriggled. "Nope! You got yucky again." She scrutinized my scowl. "As party pony I cannot allow relapses! Spill or I break out the silly guns!"

I snorted steam, muscles tensing under her stare. But playfulness couldn't mask persistent caring there.

Defeated, I sighed muzzle drooping wearily. Maybe plain truth would satisfy? Eyes downcast, I whispered: "It's...it's my mom. She died back home while we were apart."

"Oh. Bummer." I turned to look at her, to see her mane had gone limp. She was... She was a Pie. Sometimes her emotions were hidden behind words that didn't carry the meaning, but I knew. I knew she understood. I rolled over, belly up, and she flopped on me.

We hugged each other quietly as ponies walked past, pretending they didn't see us.

Pinkie suddenly hopped off me. "Look, if you want to talk, me and maud are here, okay? I mean that. I'd... I don't even want to think about that... We're here, okay? You have friends." She touched noses with me as I sat up. "You got a ton of 'em! In fact, pretty sure I see Twinkle watching us from a window. You better get to her before she explodes."

I snorted, imagining that. "I'd better. I'm not on fire anymore, so..." There was nothing stopping me from retreating to the library and the creatures within it.

Author's Note

On a somber note, we begin a new story. The ties to the old world are frayed. There is no past, only the future.

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