Shadows Over CHS

Sunset Shimmer

The late summer sun beat down on Sunset as she stepped away from the wall to examine her work. The large mural depicted all sorts of domestic animals gathered around a yellow-skinned woman in a lab coat and stethoscope. On the veterinarian's shoulder sat a cockatiel fussing with the woman's cerulean hair. Every creature looked as though it had seen some sort of medical treatment, but all looked happy... grateful for the saintly woman. All in all, not her worst piece, but today, that didn't matter as much.

With one paint-stained sleeve, she wiped the sweat from her brow. In the other hand, she held a spray paint can. A painting respirator covered most of her face, while a hood and goggles covered everything else. With nitrile gloves covering her hands, there wasn't a single bit about her that anybody could identify at a glance. When doing street art, she had to be careful, lest some tagger get uppity that her art usurped their signatures's space. Gilda and her 'griffons' in particular seemed none too happy with her last few pieces.

Even if she wasn't trying to maintain anonymity today, it never hurt to make sure nobody from school knew about this. As much as graffiti might match with the bad-girl queen-bee persona that she'd built up over the years, something cutesy like this wasn't her usual modus operandi. She was more inclined to do something abstract or stylised. If she added her usual Flanksy signature, it might keep people guessing, but then again, the one that commissioned this piece knew who she was.

Before she could switch back to one of the other paints, the yelp of a siren behind her. With a sigh, she slowly put down the spray can beside the messenger bag she kept her supplies in and turned around. Sure enough, a police cruiser pulled up behind her while she was lost in her work. One officer was still inside the car, but another familiar looking officer was already standing beside her with his hands on his hips. Although he looked fairly relaxed, she imagined he was ready to start running if she were to flee.

"We received a tip that there was a hoodlum tagging a wall around here," Officer Shining Armour commented, taking in the mural. It occurred to Sunset, however, that he was talking to the fresh-faced young woman in the driver's seat. "Never in my life did I expect to actually find one doing something this in-depth in broad daylight. What do you think, Glitter?"

The officer in the cruiser pulled down her mirrored sunglasses, and seemed to assess the mural. "Oregon Revised Statutes one sixty-four point three eighty-three, and point three forty-five," She answered, glancing at her partner. "Unlawful Application of Graffiti for one, and it could fall under Criminal Mischief Three—potentially even Criminal Mischief Two if damages exceed five hundred dollars, I think."

Sunset winced at hearing the state laws being recited. She'd done her homework and knew her creative outlet could land her in trouble, but she'd tried to be careful about where she did it. Usually if she made a piece, it was intended to be unobtrusive and inoffensive. Nothing that would draw too much attention, and she would only ever do it at night. Until today.

Slowly, so as not to provoke any reaction, she raised her hands, palms out toward the officer. "Officer Armour, this is all a big misunderstanding," she tried to explain. "If you go into the vet's office—this building—and ask the receptionist, she'll tell you that the office commissioned this mural."

This entire interaction seriously made her reconsider ever doing commission work ever again. Not only did meeting spec put a serious damper on her creativity, but now she had to deal with cops. That was the last thing she needed! Celestia help her if they tried running a background check.

All I wanted to do today was relax after being scared awake up in the middle of the night by that magic surge. It had to be just after midnight when it happened. Just like in the field, it was a sudden build-up of tension that snapped back like a rubber band, but it was much further away. Except this time, the snap wasn't immediate; it held for several minutes before dispersing. There was something different about it this time... the energy I felt made me feel cold.

It looked like Shining Armour was about to turn and suggest the other officer go check in with the vet office, the door swung open. A woman who resembled the one depicted on the mural stepped out onto the sidewalk, and quickly went to join the officer. "Is there a problem, Officer?" she asked, before turning a look to Sunset. "Are these officers hassling you, Sunset?"

Just the weekend before last, Sunset had been out at an abandoned warehouse that she used as a test-bed for practising her art. She'd noticed all the feral cats in the area plenty of times over the years, but she hadn't realised that there was actually a feral cat colony in the area. As a result of the clinic's head vet being in the area, she'd been caught in the middle of doing a self-portrait of how she'd looked back in Equestria. Rather than rat her out for graffiti, the woman 'asked' if she'd be interested in doing a mural for a nice chunk of cash—easily enough to recoup any paint she used.

"No, Dr. Fauna," she said, lowering her respirator and pushing her goggles up to her forehead. Shining Armour raised an eyebrow as he recognised her face. "Just a misunderstanding is all. I'm almost finished, though."

With a smile, the veterinarian returned her attention to the police officer. "Sunset here is being paid for this mural," she stated before moving back toward the door. "There should be no issue as I own this building."

Officer Shining Armour nodded. "I understand," was his response. "I'll get out of your hair then, ma'am."

He watched as the vet re-entered the office, but he didn't leave immediately. Instead, he watched as Sunset put her protective equipment in place and leaned down to pick up another spray-can from a bag at her feet. As she pulled out a stencil she'd prepared, she let out a chuckle. "I can feel your eyes on my back, officer," she snarked and held the stencil in place. "Is there something else I can help you with?"

There was no answer from him for a few moments, perhaps as if he were considering something. In the police car, she could hear impatient muttering from the other officer. "You convinced Jinx Charm to come forward about the threatening message and her assault, right?" Sunset let out a sigh, but nodded. "Do you consider her a friend?"

That was not a question she'd been expecting to hear from the man. Of all the things she'd been expecting, she wasn't expecting such a... Princess Celestia sort of question. Honestly, she was expecting him to ask if she had any other potential leads, or if she could confirm some part of her previous statements. What kind of question was that?

Do I consider her a friend? I hardly know the girl beyond what little notes I have on her. She was her gym partner, and one of the higher scoring students in the school... but none of that really makes her my friend. She chewed her bottom lip as she recalled the vision and what she wrote to Princess Celestia. I don't have friends. I have associates, accomplices, and tools. That's not the sort of answer he's expecting though.

"I think she needs one, but I doubt I'm the right girl for the job," was her answer after some thought. "I don't have the best track record in that department." She turned and regarded him with a questioning look. "Why do you ask?"

Scratching at his face, he glanced away. "I probably shouldn't be telling you this, but she was attacked last night, and she's pretty shaken up," he said in a soft voice. "If she comes to school tomorrow, could you watch out for her? She needs some kindness in her life right now." Before he got into the cruiser, he handed her a card. "In case anything else comes up, or if you can think of anything else related to the case, could you give me a call or an email?"

That evening, Sunset found herself lying on her couch. Ear-buds connected to an old MP3 player given to her by her ex-boyfriend, and the music she was listening to was doing an inadequate job of helping her blank. She was having difficulty wrapping her head around everything. Between what she'd begun to think of as mental contamination from the vision, her reassessment of her experiment, and what that officer said to her, some old feelings she'd long-thought buried or conquered made their presences known once more.

"What do I do to ignore them behind me? Do I follow my instincts blindly? Do I hide my pride from these bad dreams, and give into sad thoughts that are maddening?" Back in Equestria, Sunset had been orphaned by a magical disaster at a young age, until she earned herself the attention of Princess Celestia at her trial for Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns. When she not only received a full scholarship to the school, but an adoption by the princess herself, it set her down a hard path.

"Do I sit here and try to stand it, or do I try to catch them red-handed? Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness, or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness?" There were a lot of expectations placed on her back, and she'd been almost certain that the teachers and her peers had been trying to sabotage her due to her lowborn status making her 'unworthy' of Celestia's love. Others she was sure were trying to use her to elevate their own social status. It'd been torturous and pushed her to excel, but it also made her distant and bitter.

"Because I can't hold on when I'm stretched so thin. I make the right moves, but I'm lost within. I put on my daily façade, but then I just end up getting hurt again..." Human psychologists had a term for what she'd experienced throughout her last years in Equestria: impostor syndrome. To feel worthy of being Celestia's daughter, she'd thrown herself into her work to the point that she had no hobbies, and any slip-up made her doubt herself. It'd gotten to the point where Sunset dominated academically at CSGU until graduation, and if anyone got in her way, she made sure to destroy them.

It'd bred arrogance and entitlement to her as she started to believe in the persona she created for herself. After all, her magical and academic prowess should have made her an invaluable resource to her adoptive mother, and any answer she didn't have, surely the princess would. Celestia herself had told her she was destined for greatness early on. That was why Mi Amore Cadenza's sudden appearance set off her downward spiral. The secrets of ascension to alicornhood had been held back from her, but a former pegasus from some backwater earth pony town had been deemed worthy? How was she not supposed to think she was being replaced?

Looking back, Sunset couldn't deny that she'd ignored a major portion of Celestia's teachings. She'd dismissed the insistence that she make friends as the elder alicorn's attempt to live vicariously through her; the average pony lifespan must have seemed like a fleeting moment in the princess's life, so making her own friends must surely have been painful for her. Then there was the matter of the fact that the only ponies around to choose from were nobles hoping to climb the social ladder, or those she had absolutely nothing in common with.

"How do you think I've lost so much? I'm so afraid; I'm out of touch. How do you expect I will know what to do when all I know is what you tell me to?" Here on Earth, was Sunset not making the same mistakes she'd made before? In some ways, it could even be argued she was worse than she was back in Equestria. She'd used Flash Sentry to help adapt to this world and build up her reputation. She'd played with his emotions, and pretended she didn't even care when he broke up with her over the monster she was becoming. Then she went and made the whole school believe she broke up with him. That was the sort of thing those snivelling nobles back home did.

Glancing down at the MP3 player. Flash gave it to her on the Christmas of the first year they'd been dating, loaded with his entire music library. Even if he didn't know that she was a pony from another realm, he'd been sharp enough to notice that she didn't have much, and his family accepted her with open arms. Hadn't it been Flash's family that helped her get an apartment with Redheart after finding her living out of a factory warehouse?

With a sigh, she shut the device off. There were a few albums that told of sadness and anger. How much of that was an outlet for him? How much of that did he hide from me? The Hybrid Theory album in particular reminded her of him because track twelve perfectly embodied their break-up, and was why she could never listen through the entire album.

As she pulled the earbuds from her ears, she heard a faint buzzing sound coming from her hidden safe. It'd been so long since hearing that particular sound, and her first thought was that she had left her back-up phone turned on. The thought of a phone, however, reminded her that her journal was in there. Her journal was chiming, meaning that Princess Celestia wrote something in her own linked journal.

Sunset all but threw herself off the couch to pull the cover off of the concealed safe. Without wasting any time, she punched in the code and withdrew the leather bound book. Making her way back to the sofa, she ran her fingers across the depiction of her cutie mark embossed on the cover. Anxiety welled up in her chest, as she knew that she would probably not like some of what her mentor had to say.

Taking a steadying breath, Sunset took a seat and opened the book.

My Little Sun,

I could scarcely believe my eyes when I found your message. After thirty years of silence, I had nearly given up hope that I would ever hear from you again. I cannot begin to express how elated I am that you are alright. This might even be the happiest I've been since my sister's return.

After consulting my sister, it would seem there are three ways to assess what you described. The first way is that, rather than any sort of metaphysical manifestation, your dream was a psychological representation of your fears, internal struggle, and a hint of what you could become. It could be that you feel remorse for the things that you've done, but you are either afraid or do not know how to make amends for the wrongs you have done to those around you. It would mean that your subconscious is telling you that there is a better way than falling to the darkness within one's soul.

The second assessment would be your traditional prophecy. If this were the case, then you glimpsed a literal future where ponies, or people as you called them, would look up to you with admiration not because you force them to, but because you are willing to protect them. If this were the case, it would indicate that the magic of the world in the mirror will become active soon, and at a very rapid pace.

Given, however, that you have indicated that the intermural event you described is unlikely to happen because of an event that day, it is more likely to be a glimpse into another time. It would mean your vision is a window into something you could have with the right efforts. Though things you've seen might never come to pass, you could have a life very similar to what you've seen if only you take the right path.

None of these, however, can adequately explain the void phenomena, your other self, or the altered state of your mind. If there were intense distortions in space and time in your vision, there is one last potential explanation. In the presence of spatio-temporal distortions, harmonic magic can have very strange effects. Add chaotic, dark, or wild magic to the equation and a phenomenon known as sharding may arise. A shard is a portion of magic which contains the memories and feelings of its creator immediately prior to the shard's birth. Shards typically return to those they belong to, and due to temporal displacement, it can result in the diversion of time's intended path. It was a very common phenomena during Discord's reign, and although some of them definitely helped guide my sister and I to the Elements of Harmony, I still occasionally experience shards of the past.

A shard may explain the heightened state of empathy and your conscience regarding the things you have been doing in that world. I will admit disappointment in your actions, but I can see in your writing that you are not beyond redemption. You have expressed guilt and a desire to protect your peers in spite of all you have done to them. Whether this desire to change is wholly your own volition or a result of a fragment of potential future is irrelevant, as in the end it is still all yours.

As I see it, you have several options available. Although I do not approve of what you have been doing in the least, you have the option of continuing as you are. You may yet reach a life akin to that of the Sunset Shimmer in your vision. I cannot speak for what you might have experienced or what be to come, but sometimes a pony must be humbled before they can better themselves. Alternatively, your misdeeds may catch up to you, and you may end up alone and miserable.

Your next option is to use your vision as the jumping off point for the start of a new phase in your life. Take responsibility and begin making amends with those you've hurt. Unify those you have divided, and use your resources to help, rather than harm. I know in the past you previously spurned my advice to make friends, but you may find your life far more rewarding.

The final option is for you to come home when next the portal opens. So much has changed in your absence, and there are so many ponies I would like you to meet. My dearest sister has been returned to me, the Elements of Harmony have been recovered after one thousand years. Discord is being rehabilitated, and the long forgotten Crystal Empire has returned and become an Equestrian protectorate. I want to show you this new golden age of Equestria, but more than anything, I want you back at my side.
With love,
Princess Celestia

It boggled her mind. In spite of everything she had done before coming here... in spite of all she had done since coming here, Celestia was all but welcoming her home with open arms. It sounded too good to be true, and Sunset couldn't deny that a small part of her mind warned that it could be a trap, that this was just a ruse to draw her home so that she could face trial. Her adoptive mother had been a grand-master when it came to chess, planning, and schemes. Yet for all of her plots, she wasn't the type of mare to lure you in and then back-stab you. She didn't have to when she could all but make you do it yourself and convince you it was your idea.

At the same time, though, a lot of the things she said made a lot of sense to Sunset. More than that, it resonated with something inside of her. Everything she'd done here was her responsibility to fix, and if the school was on the verge of some sort of magical catastrophe, she wasn't sure she could just shrug her shoulders and say, "It's not my problem." The Sunset she used to be might have been content to step back, watch, and then take notes, but the Sunset that vision wanted her to become couldn't just stand by and do nothing.

There was also something about what the alicorn wrote that bothered her. She never addressed Sunset's assertion that she wasn't worthy of being called her daughter. That could mean that she was in silent agreement, or that she found the assertion that Celestia would ever stop loving her ridiculous. Either way, it didn't fill the former unicorn with confidence.

With a sigh, Sunset snatched a pen off of the coffee table and began writing to her former mentor.

Dear Princess Celestia,

I think I'm closer to a decision on what I must do, but I cannot come home just yet. As much as I would love to return home to your side, there is yet much I must fix before I can return to Equestria. It's like you said; even if not physically, I've hurt people and divided an entire school. Worse, I've destroyed friendships in order to ensure that none could undermine me. I need to make amends.

I have twenty-two days until the portal opens to figure things out, and then seventy-two hours from that point onward before it closes for another three years. I would like nothing more than to return home, meet our world's Luna, and return to studying under you—properly this time—but I don't want to make a promise I might not be able to keep. Even if I can't make it home, I want you to know that I'm sorry for all I've done and put you through.
Your former student,
Sunset Shimmer
P.S. Does anypony there even remember me?

Once the message was penned, Sunset shut the journal and rose from the couch. Rather than immediately placing it back in the safe, Sunset paused. She hadn't heard its chiming over the music, but the buzz might be enough to carry through the ceiling. If it could, the sound might disturb Redheart, or worse, give her the wrong idea. No, she needed something to muffle the sound.

Her eyes drifted over to a coat-rack by the door. In addition to her jacket and the hooded sweatshirt she wore when she was doing street art, there was a hoodie her ex had given her hanging by its hood. She hadn't worn it since their break-up in the spring, and even back then it was growing tight around the chest. It might not fit any more, but it'd serve as a perfect means of muffling her ringing journal.

After grabbing the hoodie and wrapping the book, she deposited the bundle back into her safe. She put the cover back over it, and flopping back down on the couch. The MP3 player sat just beneath her palm, so she raised it up to examine. It was a bit beat up, and while it wasn't anything that'd been top of the line when he gave it to her in '08, it was by no means a cheap thing. Flash... He's probably one of the ones I hurt the most...

Setting the device down on the, she reached for her phone on the coffee table. It took a moment for her to find Flash's contact information, because she couldn't remember what she'd renamed him after the break-up. Just changing it to 'Ex BF' would have been too simple. No, apparently she'd been so angry that she'd chosen to indulge in this world's vulgarity and changed his contact name to 'Asshole'.

Her thumb hovered over the call button for a long while. Can I actually do this? She pulled her thumb away, and bit her lip. The two definitely needed to have a discussion, but was the phone really the best way to have this sort of discussion? No, it needed to be face-to-face, but there was no way he'd agree to have any sort of discussion with her if put on the spot. Still... She jabbed the button on her touchscreen and held the phone up to her ear.

It rang for a long time. In fact, it rang long enough that she was almost convinced that he wasn't going to answer—that she was going to go straight to his voicemail. At the last moment, however, there was a click on the line. "What do you want, Sunset?" Flash Sentry groused. He was definitely angry, but she was surprised by just how much disgust he managed to put in his voice. "I believe your last words to me were, and I quote, 'Tartarus will freeze over before I ever talk to you again.'"

That comment made her wince. She'd been way too bitter about that. "Hey, Flash," she answered, only now aware of how shaky she was. Why am I shaking? Why do I suddenly feel so vulnerable? "I'm not calling to start anything. I promise. I just... Can we talk?"

"I don't know..." He suddenly seemed a lot less sure of himself. "You really hurt me Sunset. You used me, and then threw a tantrum when I walked away."

Letting out a sigh, she tried to keep the tremor out of her voice. "I know, Flash," she whispered. "Do you think you could meet me at Sugarcube Corner after school tomorrow? There's something I need to talk to you about, but the phone isn't the right medium for the discussion." After a moment's thought, she added, "No schemes, no plot. I may have been a lot of things, but you know that I was good to my word. I promise that I just wanna talk."

"I..." She could tell that he was shocked. Maybe he was picking up on something in her voice? "I'll think about it."

Even though he couldn't see it, Sunset nodded. "I'll be there until six if you decide to go through with it."

The next morning, Sunset left home early. With her, she took her laptop and the cable required to connect to her digital voice recorder. She had no doubt that the device had long since run out of charge, but it'd draw enough power from the laptop to remain on until she got all the files off of it. At lunch, she'd set up in the library and sift through the recordings. Depending on what she found, she'd plan her next moves.

When she arrived at the school, she wasn't surprised to find there was barely anyone there yet. The vehicles belonging to the principal and vice-principal were in the staff parking lot, as well as a few others belonging to teachers or janitorial staff. Other than that, only the beat up pick-up truck belonging to the Apple family seemed to be present. Good. Less chance of witnesses.

Inside, she saw spots high-up where they were in the process of wiring up the school with security cameras. The entry hall and the main hallways on the first floor seemed completely wired up, but as she crept towards the part of the building the club rooms were located in, she found no operational cameras. Sure, there were places where tiles in the drop ceiling had been put aside while cabling was run, but no cameras had been installed.

That made getting into the rugby team's club room one step easier to achieve. After making sure the coast was clear, she knelt beside the door, put on a pair of nitriles, and withdrew a bobby-pin and a small flat-tip screwdriver from her jacket pocket. I won't have many opportunities in the coming days to do this sort of thing, she decided as she used the screwdriver to create tension while she used the pin to start moving the pins. By her estimate, they'd have the whole school wired by Wednesday.

As criminal as it was, she couldn't deny that it was rather satisfying being able to get through a simple lock. In addition to getting her access to the abandoned factory she lived in for nearly two years, the skill helped her train her dexterity. She always enjoyed the satisfaction of opening a lock, and it had served her well in getting blackmail information from some lockers.

When she turned the knob and pushed open the door, she didn't bother turning on the lights. Instead, she made her way over to the bookshelf where she hid her recorder last week. Just as expected, none of the books the device was hidden behind looked to be disturbed, and the device was exactly where she left it. Quickly pocketing it and returning the books to their proper places, she exited the room and re-locked the door.

Once she'd put away her gloves, she went about her morning like normal. At one point, she and Flash crossed paths. The blue-haired boy gave her an uncertain look, but aside from a polite nod of acknowledgement, she paid him little mind, and made her way to class just before the bell. Her mind was elsewhere as she sat waiting for class to start, and her gaze was locked on an empty seat. Usually she's here by now.

Jinx Charm did not show up to that class, nor did Sunset see her at all in the halls between classes. Come lunch time, she had half a mind to go check in with Ms. Celestia or Ms. Luna. After what that officer said to her yesterday, it was hard not to worry about the girl. 'She needs some kindness in her life right now.' Her mind still lingered on her response to him. I think she needs one, but I doubt I'm the right girl for the job.

With a shake of her head, she made her way to the library with her laptop bag and set up in an out-of-the-way corner. She plugged her earbuds and the voice recorder into the computer, and transferred the large audio file over. I'm impressed that it actually recorded for three straight days. It wasn't at all surprising that, when she imported the file into an open-source audio editor, it took time for the file to load.

As expected, there were plenty of periods of silence. Anything that barely peaked on the waveform she ignored, as it was likely background noise or things happening outside the room. When she got to the first batch of activity in the room, she found it to be just normal team meeting stuff. Rather than listening through entirely, she popped through every other minute, keeping her ear out for anything that sounded useful. She quickly determined that it wasn't all that important and did the same with the next couple of instances.

Finally, Sunset came to what, by her reckoning, would've been Friday after school. There was a portion of normal discussion, and then the audio was nearly peaking the mic. A smile crossed her face as she knew she'd found something good. She set the cursor to the start of the exchange and hit play.

"Hey, Score," came Hoops' voice. "Now that we're all here, you mind telling us what this is all about?"

There was a bang, as if someone had slammed their hand down on a desk. "Which one of you did it?" demanded Score. "Tell me now, which one of you morons had the bright idea..."

"Uh, did what?" That was one of the no-names that Sunset had never bothered to remember the name of.

There was a snarl from score before he all but yelled, "Which one of you dumb motherfuckers had the goddamned bright idea to threaten her!? Why bring up Jinx's nude pictures!?"

There was a simultaneous cry of 'Wasn't me,' from Hoops and Dumb-Bell, followed by a period of silence. during which Sunset could practically hear Score glaring at them. The silence dragged on for over a minute before there came another voice. "I don't see what the big deal is, man. The note finally shut her up, didn't it? I saw how spooked she was this afternoon!" That was Sideline, one of their offensive players.

There was a loud crash and a pained grunt, followed by a strange rasping sound. "You have no idea what you've done, you retard!" growled Score. Was... was he choking him? "She went to the fucking cops! I just finished getting my head chewed off over the phone by my Dad. He said he's gonna do what he can to make sure we don't get investigated too hard, but also said that we can't keep fucking up like this, and if we make the same mistake with girls he made in high school, we'll have to live with that rest of our lives... Whatever the fuck that's supposed to mean."

It sounded like Sideline was trying to say something, but he was having a hard time speaking. "I can fix this!" he pleaded after a minute. "Gimme a day, and I can make it all go away!"

"Tell me wh—"

That was the end of the file. Evidently the battery had given out at that point and truncated whatever discussion they'd been having. It wasn't everything she hoped it would be, as there was no mention of the party or what they did to Jinx Charm, but it was something. She had one member of the rugby team essentially admitting to leaving a threatening note in the girl's locker, confirmation that pictures existed, and a plan for further harm against her. She didn't know anything about the attack against her gym partner, but that was potentially related.

Shaking her head, she clipped that section of audio and exported it to her hard-drive, and backed a copy up to a cloud storage. Following this, she closed the audio suite out entirely and navigated to her preferred email provider, and quickly began typing out a message. A malicious smile crossed her face as she set her plan into action.

To: m1cr0ch1pz@cantermail.net
Subject: A Request

Hey, Micro. I need a favour. You don't need to fulfil it if you don't want to. I know how exactly how suspicious it seems, but I need a list of email addresses for every student, teacher, and PTA member that you can get your hands on, except for the members of the CHS rugby team. Those animals have overstepped the bounds of all morality, and everyone needs to hear what it is they've done. This isn't about power, or manipulating people. For once in my life, I'm asking because I want to do the right thing.
Sunset
P.S. You no longer need to feel indebted to me for helping you all those times. I should never have held it over your head to get you to work for me in the first place, even if I was paying you.