Good Stallions Don't...

Chapters

... put career over family
...try to do a mare's job
...play hard to get
...act ungrateful when mares are nice to them
...spoil their minds with education
...spend too much time with other stallions
...go on too many dates
...turn evil and try to take over Equestria
...or get picked up in bars.
But good stallions do... live happily ever after.
Epilogue: One year later...

... put career over family

“Ten-hut! Eyes front! Forward march!”

The thunder of hoofbeats announced the approach of the Equestrian Royal Guard. Thousands of well trained mares, ready to defend their nation and their Princesses with weapons, wings and magic. From Griffonstone to the Dragonlands, Equestria’s enemies feared the mares of the Guard... but not as much as Equestrian stallions did.

Guardsmares were famous for their foul language, voracious sexual appetites, and irresistible swagger. A well-meaning mare might honour a battle-scarred hero by inviting her to a quiet family dinner, only to find her guest being triple teamed in the drawing room by a seduced husband and two despoiled sons. Only the loosest stallions would date a Guardsmare. Only a ruined stallion would accept the collar of marriage from one. And in all of Equestria, only two of us dared to train with them.

Shining Armour and I had spent the morning grappling with each other on a padded platform in the middle of the training field, our bodies growing sweaty and tense in the sun. Now I scooped a large glob of cocoa butter from a plastic tub and started working it with both hands into the unicorn stallion’s glutes.

“How much is left?” Shining asked me.

“Just a few more handfuls,” I told him. “I’ll use up this tub, and then you can do me.” All across the training field, the eyes of the drilling mares were drawn to us. They didn’t see a human working the tension out of a fellow soldier after a strenuous workout: they saw a stallion groping another stallion’s ass. They wanted to see more. So much more.

“Your hands feel great, Paul,” Shining whispered, trying not to be heard. “You’re so good at distracting me from... everything.”

“Eyes front, maggots!” screamed Bugle Call, our commanding officer. A group of earth ponies with spears had gotten out of step while staring at us, and now barding clanked against barding as dozens of soldiers stumbled and ran into each other, in a growing traffic jam that spread across the training grounds.

It was just another day for the Royal Guard’s only two male recruits. Our “uniforms” were a few scraps of cloth and our “training” was nothing but softcore sex shows. The only power Shining Armour and I had was our ability to distract hundreds of toughened mares with a muscular flex or a homoerotic touch. And there weren’t five other stallions in all of Equestria who even had that much power.

I breathed in the scent of Shining Armour’s body. He smelled like a barn, a raw animal stench softened by the tubs of cocoa butter that I rubbed into his fur every day. His balls bulged between his hind legs, fat and swollen, just like mine. We’d both been denied for a week, and the chastity spell would keep us that way for another three days. The Royal Guard’s annual Iron Mare competition was coming up. On Friday night, the winner would take us to bed as her prize. There, we’d act out every mare’s fantasy: two pent up stallions, desperate to please.

With our dicks out of action, we spent long nights in the barracks servicing our comrades using our mouths. I didn’t mind eating out pony pussies, as long as they were freshly showered, but the verbal abuse I took from my “marefriends” made it clear they thought this was the most degrading act a stallion could perform. By now, Shining and I were experts.

I worked my fingers into the tense muscles atop Shining’s cutie marks. His huge horse balls twitched in their taut sack and I whistled. “Damn, you’re about to explode back here.”

“I-I know!” Shining whined. “I don’t know how I can make it to Friday.”

“I know how you feel,” I told him. “My nuts are like croquet balls. I swear, I would do anything to help you. I don’t even care that it’s gay, anymore.”

I meant what I said, but we both knew that fingering Shining’s ass or stroking his tortured sheath would only make things worse for us. We couldn’t get it up, much less cum, until Friday. Fooling around in front of the rest of the Guard would only make these rowdy mares more demanding tonight.

“I’ve been through five Iron Mare competitions, and it’s never been this bad,” Shining told me. “I’ve been praying to Celestia for just one moment of relief.”

“Celestia’s the one who cast this spell on our junk,” I grumbled. “Maybe you should pray to someone else.”

“Like who?”

“I don’t know, what about—”

Shining gasped suddenly. “Her...” he moaned.

Through a dusty field full of grunting, sweating mares, we saw a vision of feminine loveliness. Cadenza Mi Amore, the Princess of Love, the most desirable mare in Equestria, trotted towards us, with Bugle Call flying along side her.

“You don’t use them in the field, do you?” the beautiful princess asked the tough pegasus soldier.

“Certainly not, your highness! My goodness, what if a stallion got a boner in a combat zone? Utter chaos! No, Paul and Shiny are our special ‘morale officers.’ Oh, we just love them to pieces. Some of the younger recruits don’t have a special somepony, and, well, everypony likes to watch two stallions oil each other up, eh?”

The Princess stood before us expectantly, and Shining and I bowed low. “Continue your training, gentlecolts.” Cadance licked her lips. “Don’t mind us.”

“Yes, your highness,” we said at the same time. I showed off a little, grabbing Shining in a wrestling hold, pinning his front hooves behind his back. The muscular unicorn’s package slapped against his barrel, hard as a rock but kept painfully sheathed by Celestia’s denial spell.

Cadance gulped daintily at the sight. “Goodness, that’s... a real breeder...” she whispered to herself.

“Nice to look at, aren’t they?” Bugle Call asked with a smirk. “The human takes some getting used to, but you wouldn’t believe what he can do with those hands.”

“They’re a little hard bodied.” Cadance scowled disapprovingly. “Hardly centrefold material.”

“Perhaps not, your highness, but our mares are the roughest and toughest. They’re not afraid of a couple of cute janefillies. And a little extra stamina is very useful after lights out in the barracks.”

“Oh, my goodness. You have unisex barracks?”

“Celestia’s orders,” Bugle Call nodded. “It would be a waste of royal funds to build separate quarters for only two stallions. They end up cuddling with lonely mares every night, anyways. We’ve had no complaints...”

“I’d like to know more about these two remarkable stallions.” Princess Cadance stepped forward and addressed us directly. “Paul, and... Shiny?”

Shining bowed again. “Private Shining Armour, your highness.”

“Oh, of course.” Cadance gave a hint of a snicker, but then looked serious. “‘Private Shining Armour.’ Will you tell your Princess what appeals to you about service in the Royal Guard?”

Shining gulped. “You probably don’t remember me, but when I was in high school, you were my sister’s foalsitter. Ever since the day I first saw you, I dreamed of joining the Royal Guard and protecting you—I mean, protecting Equestria from harm.”

“Oh, well said!” Cadance laughed lightly. I put a hand on my friend’s withers. We were both used to mares laughing at our dreams of glory. “I remember you now. You’re Twilight Sparkle’s little brother.”

“Big brother.” Shining barely whispered the words.

“What a remarkable family. You know, as kin to a princess, you’re royalty yourself, in a sense.”

“Yes, your highness. That’s why Celestia allowed me to join the Guard. She said that Paul and I are both very unusual stallions.”

Cadance stepped forward and drew along the line of Shining Armour’s quivering muzzle with an outstretched wing. “And would this unusual stallion, perchance, be willing to trade his life of adventure for the fine robes and courtly manners of a prince?”

“B-buh?” I caught Shining as he suddenly fainted into my arms. “Is he OK?” Cadance asked me.

“He’ll be fine, your highness.” I gently slapped Shining and leaned in close to whisper in his ear. “Come on, pal, wake up, I’m here.”

“Oh, shit, are they going to kiss?” Cadance groaned breathily.

Bugle Call’s wings trembled lightly. “We can only hope, your highness.”

“F-forgive me, glorious Princess.” Shining Armour slowly opened his eyes and I helped him back to his hooves. “It must be the heat. I thought I heard you say that you...”

“You heard correctly. I’m asking you to take my collar. If you’ll have me, that is.”

“To wear your collar would be the honour of a lifetime!” Shining bowed so deeply that his barrel brushed the dust of the training grounds. “I only await your command!”

Cadance laughed again, her voice full of condescending sweetness. “I would never presume to command the fickle heart of a stallion. Even the Princess of Love cannot force the fruit to grow where the seed has not taken root.”

“But the fruit is in full flower!” Shining protested. “For five years I’ve served your highness in the Guard. I’ve declined the collar from many worthy comrades. Forgive me, but even the mightiest warrior-mare cannot compare to my memories of you.

“Paul has told me stories of brave knights who went on quests to win the love of beautiful princesses. It was my dream that... one day...” He started crying and couldn’t finish. I hugged Shining around the barrel.

“Are you sure they’re stallions?” Cadance whispered to Bugle Call.

“Yes, your highness. I’m a transmare myself, if that’s what you mean.”

“Sir Guardstallion,” Cadance told Shining, “Before we are wed, I ask that you undertake a quest to prove your worth, as in the human’s stories. A trivial task, I’m certain, for a knight as brave as you.”

“Yes!” I’d never seen Shining smile so wide. “Anything!”

Cadance patted Shining on the head like a dog. "For years, I’ve laboured tirelessly to produce an heir to the throne of the Crystal Empire. Many stallions have tried to bring me my heart’s desire. Well bred nobles, handsome actors, even Equestria’s most gifted stallion-poet. Ah, for one more night with his talented tongue — ahem. No matter.

“Hundreds of my most refined subjects have volunteered their essence up to me. All have failed. I’ve had enough of sophistication and gentleness, I need strength. My alicorn womb, it seems, is a fortress which must be conquered.

“So I turn to you. This is your moment, Private Shining Armour. Fulfill your duty as a soldier and as a stallion. Gift me an heir, and I will reward you with a princely collar and a title worthy of your honourable family.”

“I’ll impregnate you with my very first rope, Princess!” Shining pledged, and in my heart I knew he would. My friend was strong and kind, the bro of all bros. He could do anything he set his mind to. He would never fail at the only thing a stallion was actually allowed to do.

Bugle Call cleared her throat. “Your highness, I should have mentioned that Shiny’s under one of Celestia’s chastity spells. It’s unbreakable, I’m afraid. He won’t be able to ‘perform’ for you until Friday night.”

Cadance smiled. “Three days of foreplay? That will do nicely. We’ll plan the wedding for Saturday. Come along, Shiny.”

Without a word, my only friend in Equestria trotted eagerly away from me, his eyes fixed on the swivelling plot of his foalhood crush. I couldn’t blame him. That night as I knelt with my face buried in winking mare twat, my useless cock tweaked and teased by pegasus wings and unicorn magic, the only two things I could think of were the hefty, shifting butt cheeks of the Princess of Love.

Most of what mares say about stallions is bullshit, but it’s true: we can’t pass up a quality ass. After a year in Equestria, even the species of the ass didn’t matter to me.

Godspeed, Shining Armour, I thought, working long into the night. Tap that royal ass. Live your dream...

...try to do a mare's job

Saturday morning started with a heavenly lover’s embrace in the barracks. Stealthy Stiletto, winner of this year’s Iron Mare competition, slowly awakened underneath my gentle muzzle kisses and gave me a dreamy smile. “Good morning, Private.”

“I love you,” I whispered to her. I meant it. I loved all my comrades. I would never be allowed to protect them in combat, so I had to show my love in different ways.

“One more round before inspection?” Stealthy asked. She spread her hind legs, showing me a sloppy cunt and a ponut so tight it had held on to everything I’d pumped up there throughout the night. “I’ll let you pick the hole!”

I felt a stirring in my crotch. Stealthy’s first kiss last night had lifted Celestia’s chastity spell, and my little soldier wanted to make up for lost time. “I think I’ll go for a frontal assault,” I announced. That horse pussy was pure bliss.

“Hrm, a bold strategy.” Stealthy nodded with approval. I kissed her more deeply and let her tongue chase mine. Suddenly a scroll appeared in a sparkle of magic and dropped onto my head.

“Ooh, that looks important!” Stealthy teased me. I picked up the scroll and saw that it bore the royal seal. “Maybe you’re being deployed to Celestia’s butt crack!” I unrolled the scroll and read it.

NOTICE OF DISCHARGE

With the marriage of Princess Mi Amore Cadenza to Private Shining Armour (retd.), the 1st Stallions Auxiliary Morale Corps has been disbanded. You are hereby discharged with honour from Her Majesty’s Royal Guard. Princess Celestia thanks you for your service to Equestria, and wishes you a happy retirement.

Sincerely,
Raven Inkwell
Royal Scribe

“Geeze, Shining works fast,” I muttered to myself. “Good for him. Wait, I’m fired?”

“What?” Stealthy Stiletto took the scroll away from me and read it. “This isn’t right. Please, Paul, take my collar. Let’s get married. I’ll support you.”

“I can’t, Stealthy, I’m sorry.”

“Some other mare, then. Anypony in the Guard would happily offer you her collar.”

“Yeah!” cried one mare. A crowd had started forming around our bed, as more and more mares read my notice and begun weeping.

“We love you!” another mare added.

“And I love all of you, but I don’t want to be your husband! I wanted to defend Equestria with you!”

“It’s not fair!” one mare bawled. “I just joined up! Now I’ll never get my pussy licked!”

“Ask and you shall receive!” snickered another. I was gripped in unicorn magic and dragged across the barracks floor until my face was shoved into a meaty, unwashed pony cunt. I was technically a civilian now, but as the only “stallion” in a barracks of demanding Guardsmares, there was only one way out. I went to work with my lips and tongue, as my new lover moaned out loudly.

“You don’t have to just do whatever Celestia says,” Stealthy Stiletto told me.

“Actually, I do...” I licked the newbie’s sensitive clit, getting into the feel of her hoof caressing the back of my head.

“We can always file a royal petition and have you reinstated.”

“I can do that?”

“You can’t,” Stealthy told me, “but we can do it for you.”

“Yeah!” one of the other Guardsmares agreed.

“We’ll all sign it!”

“Celestia just wants you for herself!”

A sassy mare spanked my bare ass. “Yeah, save some ‘cake’ for us, your majesty! Hahahah!”

“I’m cumming, girls!” squealed the Guard newbie, spraying my face with sweet pungent mare cream. “This is so awesome! The stallions back in Appleloosa were so respectable! They’d never do anything like this!”

“That’s why we’ve got to keep Paul around!” Stealthy Stiletto slapped me hard on the back, burying my mouth in mare pussy. “Are you ready to sign the petition, newbie?”

“Yeah, anything! Anything to keep this tongue in me — fuck, it’s happening again! I love you, Paul!”

“I love you too, newbie,” I slurped, and I meant it.

I knelt in the grand throne room alongside my comrades as Stealthy Stiletto made her argument to the two royal sisters. “And that’s why Paul should be allowed to stay inside me,” she concluded. “I mean, in the Royal Guardsmares. I mean, in the Royal Guard.”

Princess Celestia raised an eyebrow. “This is serious business, Luna! A mutiny of my finest soldiers, all for the sake of one little human stallion.”

Princess Luna unrolled the petition, a long scroll full of cartoon hearts and mushy praise from dozens of Guardsmares. “Verily,” she mused, “he must be one of Equestria’s greatest lovers to inspire devotion in such hardened mares. Mayhap he even goeth... ‘downtown.’”

Celestia shifted her beautiful, godlike body in her throne. “Well, Paul, let’s hear from you. Seducing my little ponies, then leaving my service, abandoning them, breaking their hearts... tsk tsk tsk. What do you have to say for yourself?”

I stood up and cleared my throat. This was my big chance to make a difference. “Your majesties, the way stallions are treated here just isn’t fair. This isn’t about me, it affects all of Equestria. You wouldn’t have so many lonely Guardsmares if stallions and mares were equal, the way men and women are on Earth.”

“Is that really true, human?” Celestia asked me. “Do you mean to say that where you come from, there are no differences between males and females?”

“How dull!” Luna opined.

“Sure, there are differences,” I explained, “but we have the same opportunities. Men and women can both join the military, go to university, marry or stay single. Men can even be the rulers of countries.”

Celestia laughed loudly. “Oho, Luna! Mere equality will not satisfy him — he wants to rule!”

I suddenly realized I’d said the wrong thing. “That’s not what I—”

“Mayhap we can accommodate this demanding human,” Luna snickered. “Hath not Equestria a king, one day a year?”

“One night a year, on All Fool’s Eve, where everything is topsy turvy! I don’t think we should have brought that holiday back.”

Luna pressed the point. “Yet we hath resumed the celebration since my return, hath we not?”

“Yes, like the moat pool party, and all the other silly traditions you’ve reinstated.”

“Then let us declare today a second All Fool’s Eve, and show this most foolish of all stallions the error of his ways.”

“I have been curious about his unusual form,” Celestia admitted. “The strange sounds coming from the barracks at night...”

“Not to mention the rather vivid dreams that follow,” Luna added. “Come, sister, let us lower ourselves before this mighty stallion, and take his true measure.”

The princesses descended their thrones and bowed low before me, their horns sending out magical sparks as they touched the ground. Celestia gestured at her throne with a hoof. “Take your place, King Paul.”

“B-but!” I protested. “I can’t...”

“A king is bound by duty,” Luna insisted, “the same as the merest soldier or peasant. Ascend the throne, thy majesty, and discharge thine... responsibilities.”

I reluctantly climbed up onto Celestia’s throne and sat in the depression her royal plot had worn in the marble over the last 1,000 years. Celestia hovered her golden diadem onto my head. My Guard comrades squealed in joy and clapped their hooves to watch me take my “rightful” place in command of Equestria.

I cleared my throat and raised one hand. “As the king of Equestria, I declare that stallions and mares are eq—mmmph!” Luna silenced me with a passionate kiss.

“Tut, tut,” Celestia murmured. She stroked the rough cloth of my Royal Guard uniform: a tiny loincloth and a tube top that barely covered my nipples. “Such common garb is unbefitting.” The princess zapped my clothing away, allowing my erection to jut out before my naked body.

“Ah!” Equestria’s former ruler ogled my cock as I struggled beneath her sister’s brutal tongue. “Our bold king has already issued his first edict! A proclamation not in words (which would have no actual effect, but nice try, Paul) but in firm, commanding flesh.”

Luna broke her kiss. “Then let us not tarry to obey, sister.” She lowered her muzzle to match her sister’s and sniffed my crotch. “Already he reeks of pleasured mare. It augureth well! Paul’s reign, though brief, will be prosperous indeed!”

“Oh my gosh, girls, that’s me they’re smelling!” Stealthy Stiletto cried out.

I let out a helpless moan as Luna’s mouth engulfed my cock with the coolness of space. Celestia granted each of my testicles a royal kiss, content to let her sister tend my shaft. “Only weeks ago I cast this member into chastity,” the sun princess mused. “Now here it stands, my superior... my master...” She set her lips and tongue to play upon my orbs. Her touch was heavenly, like warm sunlight running over my balls.

“His dimensions are somewhat lacking,” Luna observed.

“Yet my Guard think him suited to the task,” Celestia pointed out.

“I merely meant to comment, sister.” Luna soliloquized between slurps on my head and deep bobs of her neck that took me to the base. “Yea, ’tis a fine cock. The shape, the firmness, the taste... all are excellent. Yet well formed pricks may be found in every town and hamlet. ’Tis truly said that a splendid ‘crown’ maketh not a king.”

Celestia giggled. “Good one, Luna.”

“Let us see if this wondrous stallion from another world can truly rule Equestria. Hark! Even now, our subjects doth quarrel.”

Raven Inkwell, the scribe who’d signed my discharge papers, read from a scroll in a monotone. “Presenting to the court of King Paul I: the Element of Generosity and the Element of Honesty, exercising their right to have their friendship problems settled directly by the Crown.”

Two of the Elements were here? They were basically royalty themselves, and now I had to solve their friendship problem? I quivered with terror. Even the best fellatio of my life couldn’t keep me stiff in this high-stakes, humiliating situation.

“Our king waivers,” Luna told her sister with disapproval.

“That will not do,” Celestia agreed. I felt a tentacle of her magic push up my ass and stroke me from the inside, instantly restoring my erection. “Ah, how wonderful... this magical creature is as easily led as any other stallion. Destined to be the plaything of any mare who can find his cute little P-spot.”

The two Element bearers trotted into the throne room, stepping through the awestruck ranks of my Guardsmare comrades, and bowed before Celestia’s usurped throne. Before me I saw a beautiful unicorn with a flowing purple mane who’d adorned her outfit with countless jewels, and an earth pony who wore a cowboy hat and seemed uncomfortable in a plain gingham dress.

“Your majesties,” the unicorn began. “And you... strangely handsome ape thing. I must tell you that this year’s weather plan for Ponyville calls for far too much summer rain.”

The earth pony stomped her hoof. “An’ I say it don’t call fer half enough rain!” she declared. “We went light last summer, an’ I won’t be stiffed two years runnin’!”

“Choose wisely, oh king!” Celestia murmured, hungrily drooling over my testicles. “Too much rain, and tourists will shun Ponyville’s shopping district.”

“And ruin my business,” the unicorn sniffed.

“Too little rain,” Luna cautioned, swirling her tongue over my glans, “and Ponyville’s crops will shrivel on the trees, like the unused balls of unmarried stallions.”

“An’ ruin mah business!” declared the earth pony.

“Well, your majesty?” Raven Inkwell smirked at me. “What is your decree?”

“We humble princesses will perform our duties silently,” Luna assured me, “and await thy male wisdom.”

“Erm... uhhh...” The pleasure of the double royal blowjob was too intense for me to think of anything else. “How about a nice compromise of three days a week?”

“Three days of rain?” the unicorn sputtered. “I may as well shutter my shop!”

“Then how about... oh fuck... two days?” I suggested, desperately humping my hips into Luna’s mouth as Celestia’s tongue burrowed deep into my asshole.

“Ya don’t know a durn thing bout apple farmin’, do ya?”

“Oh, Paul, Paul.” Celestia came up for air from my humid taint and pouted sadly at me. “I’m afraid the whole court can see where your talents lie. Gifted you are among stallions, but a stallion is all you are.”

Luna cupped my cockhead with her tongue and noisily slurped up a mouthful of saliva that dripped down my shaft. “Still, by our decree, thou remaineth the rightful king of Equestria til the stroke of midnight — however many strokes might lie between.” Luna drizzled her spit back onto the head of my cock like chocolate sauce on a sundae. “Might this unworthy servant suggest thee delegate these difficult decisions to an advisor, and spend thy day of privilege in activities more enjoyable?”

“Canterlot is full of spoiled noblemares in unhappy political marriages,” Celestia hinted. “A proper king could bed them all... satisfy them for the first time in years...”

“Their husbands would not dare to give a peep,” Luna assured me. “Struth, many would lift tail as eagerly as their wives.”

“And yet... would you tend to those lesser nobles, and neglect the Princesses who move the very sun and moon?”

“Shame, shame, oh king,” murmured Luna. “For the thousand years of my exile I burned for a stallion’s gentle touch. Would you deny me?”

“Of course not!” I reached over to stroke Luna’s flowing mane, and somehow the cosmic slut dared to coyly blush.

“And I, who brought the sun to warm you as you exercised on all those winter mornings.” Celestia showed me a bratty frown even as her tongue found the biggest vein on my cock and worked it mercilessly. “Would you leave my bed cold and joyless?”

“Never!” I promised, overwhelmed. Two royal tongues raced up and down my shaft, driving me to the heights of lust. In the Royal Guard I’d gone to bed with two mares at once, or even more, but only because there weren’t enough stallions to go around. I’d never been shared like this. I couldn’t hold out much longer... and then the princesses took the dirty talk to the next level.

“Show us a sign of your favour, king,” Celestia begged me.

“Mark us with thy royal seed.”

“Claim us as your high born sluts before those we once dared to call our court.”

“Show all Equestria how thou wouldst degrade a human mare, thy supposed ‘equal.’”

“Yeah, bust that monkey nut all over—whoo, Luna, there he goes!”

The royal court, the Elements and the petitioning Guardsmares all applauded as my dick erupted high in the air. Not a drop hit the ground: Celestia and Luna made sure to catch each silver gift on their tongues. All the while, the sun princess relentlessly worked her magic against my prostate to milk as much out of me as possible. Finally the two sisters pressed kisses against my diminishing cock, tasting every last droplet of cum that throbbed out of my slit.

“Ahhh,” Luna sighed, licking her lips.

“The gift of life itself,” Celestia moaned.

“Delicious.”

“Ambrosial.”

“I must have more.”

“We will have more.”

I lay back in the surprisingly comfortable throne. “Wow, that was incredible, your Highnesses. Let me just take a quick nap, and I’d love to—”

“None of that,” Celestia insisted firmly, and with her magic sent new life surging into my cock. “The mighty spear of the king always stands ready to defend Equestria.”

“Oh, shit!” I moaned. I thrust my hips, suddenly burning with incredible desire, desperate to bury my cock in any hole I could find.

“It seems thou canst raise more than just the sun, sister,” Luna snickered.

“Dang, Luna, you’re hilarious today!” The two royal sisters shared a hoof bump.

The earth pony standing before the throne wiped her brow with her cowboy hat. “That’s a real hot show ya got goin’, Princesses,” she admitted, “but it ain‘t solvin’ our little weather dispute. Unless this human feller’s gonna personally water mah crops with his jizz, which I hope he ain’t, considerin’ what it would do ta the nutrient mix.”

“Ah, yes,” Luna whispered to me. “The tedium of rule resumes. Alas, there is more to ruling Equestria than ruining her Princesses.”

“And yet her Princesses need such ruining...” Celestia pouted. “We beg you, King Paul, say the word, and we three can happily retire to the royal fuck-dome. Your lessers will manage these simple affairs of the weather.”

“F-fuck-dome?” I stuttered.

“A magical place indeed.” Luna raised an eyebrow, “if thee darest to command us there.” The sisters resumed their oral teasing of my sensitive cock, gazing longingly up at me.

Looking around, I saw only a single hope. “R-Raven, would you mind?” I asked. “Helping the Elements with their friendship problem?” The royal scribe smiled and gave a bow that was more of a nod.

“Such a clever stallion,” Luna murmured condescendingly.

“Come, my king.” Celestia extended a hoof and helped me off her throne. “Let us leave your servant Raven to attend these matters, and explore new realms of pleasure. If you live a thousand years, you will never know such joy as you will find today.”

“Verily, thy fun shall be doubled!” Luna cheered.

“I got this, Paul.” Raven Inkwell slyly winked at me as I was escorted with quivering knees out of the throne room. “Enjoy the fuck-dome. I’ll see you tonight... and then we’ll have some real fun.”

...play hard to get

In Canterlot, Celestia
a stately fuck-dome did decree...

The gentle sunshine woke me up as I lay in a comfortable bed as large as a swimming pool. Morning was dawning in the most luxurious place I’d ever seen, on Earth or Equestria. Looking through the glass walls of the fuck-dome at the palace grounds far below, I could actually see the cramped and stinking barracks I’d lived in for the past year. Yet my new life seemed an eternity away from the one I’d left behind.

This was a carefree royal playground set in the midst of a lovely field of flowers. Chirping birds flew about near a glass roof that seemed to touch the sky. Picnic blankets, couches and beds were scattered around the field. Each was equipped for any kind of sex, from loving and romantic to raunchy or kinky.

After testing a few scenarios with the Princesses, we’d ended up in an incredibly comfortable bed that was large enough to host massive orgies (and probably had.) A chilled waterfall of the finest champagne bubbled in a nearby fountain, with a stack of jewelled chalices sitting next to it. In the distance I saw the outdoor kitchen, staffed with 5-star chefs who’d cooked a gourmet dinner for my lovers and me, then provided strawberries and warm caramel for late night food play.

Now the chefs were preparing breakfast, cooking stacks of pony sized pancakes and heating up vats of chocolate syrup. But I didn’t have to look far to see the sweetest dish of all. Lying next to me in the huge bed was Raven Inkwell, the most beautiful commoner in Canterlot.

I looked at Raven longingly as the memories of last night came back. Celestia and Luna were dynamite in bed, but they’d grown bored with me after only a few hours. Luna had excused herself to raise the moon, and Celestia had trotted off to ravage an all-you-can-eat donut special. They’d dumped the “king” of Equestria like a used condom, and left him to finish his reign in the company of their royal scribe.

I’d quickly found feelings for the seemingly quiet unicorn. She wasn’t smelly and rough like my Royal Guard comrades. She was intelligent in conversation and sexually adventurous. Best of all, she wasn’t a stuck-up princess who publicly humiliated any male who spoke out of turn.

What was I feeling? Was it love, or only infatuation? Did I really dare to hope that Raven might want a relationship, and even see me as an equal?

After making hot fuck all night, Raven’s mane was a tangled mess, her glasses were crooked upon her muzzle, but she was still one gorgeous nerd. She propped up her head upon a huge and puffy pillow, and she was reading a dirty magazine Luna had hidden beneath the mattress in the days before her exile. The cover said “24 Engravings! Hot Peasant Stallions Doeth The Nasty!”

I reached out and stroked Raven’s fur, recalling the gentle touch of her magic and the soft feel of her marehood. Most of all, the cries of her sweet pleasure when I dove beneath these silken sheets and worked some magic of my own. The fuck-dome was served by a concierge whose only job was to recommend different kinds of lube and sex positions, but even she had turned away with a blush when I’d shown how eager I was to slurp on horse pussy.

Raven quivered excitedly at my touch and she set down her magazine with a smile. “Mmm, good morning, Paul.”

“I’ll remember last night forever,” I promised. “Celestia and Luna were fun, but... Raven, you’re something else. I hope it was good for you, too?”

Raven kissed me gently. “You were wonderful. I’ve never been with a stallion who went down on me without being asked.”

“Those stallions don’t know what they’re missing,” I told her. Raven’s clean, fragrant pussy was a banquet after spending a year servicing thousands of sweaty Guardsmares. “And thanks for taking over in the throne room yesterday.”

“Oh, sweetie, it was nothing. The Princesses shouldn’t have embarrassed you like that. Everypony knows stallions don’t have what it takes to govern. You made me feel really good in bed, and that‘s what’s important, right?”

There went love. I bit my tongue for what felt like the millionth time. Raven was the most generous lover I’d ever had, but she was just as condescending as every other mare in Equestria.

Raven’s smile never waivered even as she broke my heart. “Celestia sent a scroll for you.” She hovered it over to me. “Why don’t you take a look, and then go and bring me some coffee? Sugar, no cream.” She wiggled her plot beneath the sheets and giggled. “I got plenty of ‘cream’ last night!”

I forced a laugh. I’d found the easiest way to pleasure mares (even easier than eating them out) was to make them feel like I thought their jokes were funny. I opened the scroll, brushed away a pile of donut crumbs and read the message from Celestia.

Paul, my little human,

A few years ago I didn’t know what to do with my weird student Twilight, so I sent her to a hick town in the middle of nowhere and told her to make some friends. That worked out rather well, so I’m doing the same to you. Go to Ponyville and make some friends. This is a royal order, and I know you know how to follow those.

Please be on the 8:45 train. Two of my most trusted subjects are also making the trip, and I’ve asked them to look out for you. I believe that you, like Twilight, will find in Ponyville the things that have been missing from your life.

With the pleasures we shared still thrilling through my body,
HRH Princess Celestia
xoxo

Wow, Celestia actually cares, I thought. At least, she cared enough to hoof me over to somepony else and make me their problem. “What time is it?” I asked Raven.

“8:43.” Raven didn’t look away from her porno mag.

“Oh, shit!” I jumped up, quickly dressed in my Guard uniform, crawled across the vast bed and ran for the door of the fuck-dome. Outside in the hallway, two pegasi were hanging up a large painting of me sitting on Celestia’s throne with my face contorted in pleasure, while the princesses licked and sucked at my spurting cock.

“Wait, wait, Paul!” Raven suddenly appeared in front of me in a magical explosion. “You’ll never make it in time, you silly stallion. Let me just teleport you onto the train.”

“That makes sense,” I admitted. I pointed at the painting. “Can you have them take that down? It’s really embarrassing.”

“Aww, but you’re so cute in that!” Raven kissed me passionately and lit up her horn. “Don’t be upset, I’ll see you again. You can get me breakfast next time!”

“That’s not why I’m—gwaaah!” Another magical explosion happened inside my head and I was suddenly standing in a dark, cramped train car. A bored pegasus mare wearing a conductor’s cap stared at me.

“Ticket, please,” she droned.

“What?”

“Duh, a ticket, for the train! You can buy one now if you don’t have one.”

“Nopony told me I needed money! I thought this was a communist utopia!” I went through my pockets, looking for my wallet, but I hadn’t had a wallet, or any pockets, for over a year. How I missed my jeans from Earth...

“Ma’am, if you can’t afford a ticket, you’ll have to—oh my gosh, are you a stallion?”

“I’m not a mare...”

The conductor shifted my loincloth to the side with a hoof and eagerly inspected my half chub. “Why didn’t you say something? I’m always happy to help out an unaccompanied stallion who’s down on his luck!”

“Oh, geeze, thank you, you don’t know what I’ve been through recently—”

“Yeah, you can come up and ride with me in the locomotive.” The pegasus half closed her eyes, and her voice lowered as she tickled a feathery wing up my thigh. “Treat your momma nice, and she’ll take you anywhere you want to go...”

“Hooves off that gorgeous ape, you sleazebag!” a commanding voice called out.

The conductor gasped. I turned and saw the two Element bearers I’d met yesterday, the ones who’d watched me try to solve their friendship problem while getting blown by the Princesses. The orange earth pony had shed the gingham dress she’d worn to her royal appointment, but the white unicorn was dressed flashier than ever, with a rhinestone covered trenchcoat topped by a bright purple fedora. Both mares scowled at the conductor, and bracelets jingled on the unicorn’s leg as she angrily shook her hoof.

“B-b-but he can’t pay!” whined the conductor.

“His indigence is no excuse for your insolence. I’ll pay for his ticket myself.” The unicorn opened her jewelled purse and hovered a small pile of bits into the conductor’s saddlebag. “One stallion’s fare to Ponyville, if you please.”

“I guess everything is in order, then...” the pegasus muttered sadly as she hoofed me a ticket.

“Come with me, Paul,” the unicorn insisted. “Don’t mind this low class beta. She can’t get a stallion in any honourable way, so she tries to take advantage of the unfortunate.”

“You watch yerself,” the earth pony lectured the conductor as the unicorn strutted past her down the narrow train hallway. “Stallions got feelins, ya know. Jes’ cause they ain’t too bright don’t mean ya can treat ’em like dirt.”

“Y-yes, ma’am, of course. I’m so sorry. Enjoy your trip.”

I gratefully followed my two saviours through a large glass door marked with the symbols of the Elements of Harmony and into a spacious train car. Inside, a record player played a happy tune. The walls were covered with framed newspaper articles showing the many times the Elements had saved Equestria from villainous mares like Starlight Glimmer and Queen Umbra. A fancy chandelier hung from the ceiling and jingled as the train began to move.

“A private carriage is the only way to travel, don’t you think?” the unicorn asked me as I sat on one of the padded benches. She and the earth pony took seats to either side of me, even though there were many other benches. I nervously looked out the large window, watching Canterlot slowly move out of sight.

“I-it’s really nice, ma’am,” I agreed. It was hard to believe that this was a train. If I hadn’t just come out of the royal fuck-dome, it would have been one of the fanciest rooms I’d ever been in. I noticed six large horse dildoes mounted on one of the benches, but even that seemed classy somehow.

“Paul, darling, let us introduce ourselves, not as ‘ma’ams’ but as your close personal friends. I am your white knight, the ravishing Rarity, and this is my best friend, the adequate Applejack.”

“Howdy, ‘yer majesty,’” Applejack chuckled. Both mares laughed loudly as I blushed. “Sorry fer teasin’,” the earth pony told me, “but you shoulda seen the look on yer face when them princesses was goin’ down on ya. You was like a varmint stuck in a hoozywhatzit!”

“Huh?”

“Don’t ask her what that means,” Rarity advised me. “It’ll just encourage her.”

My stomach rumbled and I regretted missing out on the huge stacks of fluffy pancakes in the fuck-dome. “Is there any food here?” I asked.

“Oh, I’d love to give you something to eat.” The unicorn reached up with her magical aura and tipped her fedora. “M’stallion.”

“Quit it, Rarity. Here, Paul, ya can share mah apple fritter.” Applejack opened a lunchbox, took out a pastry much bigger than the box and broke off a piece the size of my head. “Granny Smith always makes ’em too big, anyhoo.”

Rarity casually slid a hoof around my shoulder. “You’ve never left Canterlot, have you, you poor dear? I’m afraid Equestria is full of uncouth mares like that conductor. Velvet-tongued and velvet-pussied ruffians who’d love nothing more than to exploit your innocence! You’re lucky Celestia asked us to look out for you.”

I nibbled at the delicious fritter. “I hope Raven was able to solve your weather problem,” I said, meekly and politely.

Applejack swallowed her half of the fritter in one gulp and gave out a belch that shook the train windows. “‘Tweren’t no problem at all,” she assured me. “Sweet Apple Acres — that’s mah farm — is a good ways outside o’ town. Raven jes’ designated downtown Ponyville a separate weather subzone. Now mah apples can git all the rain they need.”

“And the main boulevard will just get enough to keep the flowers blooming!”

“That makes sense, I guess...”

“Now, don’t feel bad, Paul.” Rarity leaned in closer and gently blew upon my neck. “Raven’s extremely clever. Dear me, we couldn’t figure it out, and we’re mares!”

Applejack wiped fritter grease off her muzzle and cleaned her hooves on my twitching loincloth. “Jes’ goes to show, there’s always a way ’round any friendship problem! Eeyup, me an’ Rarity, best buds!”

“Applejack and I grew up together,” Rarity told me, stroking my nipples through my tiny tube top. “We may seem like opposites, but we’ve always been close. We’ve always... shared things.”

“Like stallions,” Applejack added. “An’ their dicks. An’... well, I lent her a shovel once. Primarily stallions, I reckon.”

“Surprised, are you?” Rarity ran her pony nose along the edge of my ear.

“N-not really...” I gasped out.

“Stallions always are,” Rarity insisted. “Because of my profession and my fabulous fashion sense, you assume I prefer the company of mares. Utter nonsense, darling. I am a gentlemare who worships at the altar of male pleasure.”

“An’ I’ve always been attracted to fellers with a lil’ bit o’ muscle,” Applejack confessed, snuggling in close to me.

“Erm, what if I don’t want to...?” Smiling at this kind of treatment had always been part of my duties, but these civilians were being as aggressive as any Guardsmare.

“But ya do want to, don’t ya?” whispered Applejack. The mares sandwiched me with their fuzzy bodies. I could feel their hot little heartbeats speeding up as they inhaled my scent. “Ya wouldn’t disappoint yer ol’ friend Applejack?”

“I... I...” Were they even civilians, or was I bound to treat the Elements of Harmony as my superiors? A Royal Guardstallion was at the very bottom of society’s ladder, but now I had rights... theoretically... maybe...

“Paul, we’re national heroes,” Rarity breathed on my shoulder. “Little fillies look up to us. Think of our reputations. We’d never force you to do anything.”

“But we’s mighty curious why Raven was yellin’ so loud last night,” Applejack admitted.

“Why, she kept up half of Canterlot!”

“So we talked to some o’ our friends in the Royal Guard.”

“Stealthy Stiletto spoke very highly of your talents.”

“Satisfyin’ an Iron Mare winner, all by yer lonesome? Colour me impressed.”

“And yet...” Rarity gently kissed my throat. “No collar? No special somepony? There’s only one word to describe a stallion of such accomplishments who remains unattached.”

Applejack dragged her broad tongue up my quivering abs. “It ain’t the bad word yer thinkin’ of,” she assured me.

Rarity leaned into my ear and whispered: “The word is stud.”

“L-ladies, please...”

“Now, I count two mares in this here railway car who need a good, hard studdin’ — an’ one stallion who woudldn’ta made it in the Guard if he was the sort o’ fella who stopped at just two mares. But if yer glory days are behind ya, I understand.” Applejack patted me condescendingly on the shoulder. “We’ll just have ta tell Ponyville ta go easy on ya. Set ya up on the porch with Granny so ya can play cards and reminisce.”

“I-I didn’t say that...” I protested. “We can have a little fun, can’t we?”

“Ain‘t nothin’ little bout me an’ Rarity.”

“I should say not, darling!”

“We’re grown mares with hearty appetites an’ we want all ya got. Now what’s it gonna be, Mister Equality? Don’t our feelins count for nothin’? Cause I wanna feel you up inside me, real bad.”

My erection pressed desperately against the tiny piece of fabric covering my groin. My little guy hadn’t been able to understand that all the attention I’d gotten since arriving in Equestria was disgusting and objectifying. He just wanted to play with the sexy ponies. I moved my hands to adjust my loincloth, but even as I did, Paul Junior freed himself from his cloth prison and booped Rarity right on the snoot.

“Ooh!” the unicorn gasped, hearts of love flashing in her eyes.

“I ain‘t hearin’ no more don’t wanna,” Applejack observed. “An’ I‘m seein’ a heapin’ helpin’ o’ yes, please.”

“Yes, please,” Rarity echoed. “May I suck your cock, Paul?”

“Uh, Rares...”

“I do apologize, Applejack. I got carried away.” Rarity looked me in the eyes. “May we suck your cock, Paul?”

“I-I guess... since you asked so nicely...” Both mares smiled broadly, knowing that they’d finally broken me down with their relentless seduction.

Rarity leaned in and sniffed me deeply. “Ah, the scent of royalty still lingers,” she declared. “If I were Celestia, I’d still be riding him!”

“If you was Celestia, we’d all be in deep shit,” Applejack muttered. She licked up my shaft. “He tastes more like Raven, if ya ask me.”

“Erm, n-not that we’d know!” Rarity grinned desperately. Applejack looked at her like she was a moron, and silently pulled the tip of my dick into her mouth. “Well, I’d better get fellating, hadn’t I? No homo, darling!” Rarity chirped, and dove in to pamper my shaft along with her friend.

Celestia and Luna had been careful not to spark a scandal by letting their lips or tongues touch incestuously as they combined to pleasure me. Royal Guardsmares who were happy to run a train on my face reeled with disgust if two tails or two fetlocks should brush against each other during the gang bang. Applejack and Rarity didn’t have a single fuck to give about any of that. Seconds into my “no homo” blowjob, the two gorgeous mares were basically making out around my cock. Their lips mashed together, their tongues shot around my meat and into each others’ mouths, and they passionately embraced each other with me in the middle. My cock, and my existence in the train car, was just an excuse for the city girl to kiss the farm girl.

After a minute of passionate makeouts, Applejack gasped for breath and lifted her head off of my rod, letting huge strands of spit dangle from her muzzle and her tongue, dribbling and swaying where the mess connected to my crotch and to the sluttily smudged lipstick on Rarity’s mouth. As soon as Applejack let go of my shaft, Rarity deepthroated me and started bobbing her head frantically, seemingly starving for dick. Some other unicorn might have used her magic to play with my balls or my ass, but Rarity used her aura to ensure that her fedora stayed firmly in place even as she banged her head onto my cock.

“Aw, fuck, so sloppy an’ hot!” Applejack moaned. “Mah pussy‘s burnin’ up! Why’s it always make me so wet ta share with mah best friend?”

“Best not to think about it too much, darling, wahahah!” Rarity came up for air with a blush and desperately tried to change the subject. “N-now that you mention it, my delicate marehood is rather aflame as well! Let’s switch holes, shall we? Who shall take him in her feminine garden first?”

“We’ll share him,” said Applejack simply. “That’s what friends do.”

“Oh, of course, right as usual, Applejack!” Rarity babbled. “Best pony friends forever!”

Applejack twisted her body around and expertly dropped her plot onto my hips, burying my dick inside her tight pussy without warning. “G-waaah!” I cried out.

“Oh, sorry, too tight for ya?”

“It’s... it’s incredible...” I weeped. This was a Guardsmare class pussy, firm and muscular, but Applejack was wielding her sex with a skill only the most senior Guardsmares possessed.

“Goodness, Paul, don’t decide yet!” Rarity aggressively kissed me. “You haven’t even sampled my velveteen secrets!”

“Decide?” I croaked out. “I have to decide?”

“Sooner or later, yeah.” Applejack slipped her ass off my hips, tugging my cock out of her, her vulva unwilling to let up on my crown until the very end. “A little greedy, ain’t it, for one stallion ta date two o’ us Element bearers?”

“We’re dating now?”

“Not quite, darling. Think of this as... an audition, yes! A sexy audition for the coveted part of ‘marefriend!’” Rarity grasped me in her magic and slowly slipped me into her own quivering, throbbing slit. It was a different kind of pleasure: warmer, softer, gentler than Applejack’s cunt, yet just as eager to milk a load out of my balls.

“Exactly as I dreamed,” Rarity murmured as she hilted herself on me. “The beautiful Rarity and the handsome what’s-his-dong—”

“Paul,” Applejack interjected helpfully.

“—I was just about to remember. Rarity and Paul, joined in lust after minutes of helpless desire for one another!”

“Don’t hog ’im,” Applejack complained. “Lemme have a go.”

“Patience, dear Applejack.” Rarity slowly stepped forward, her pussy winking against my dick as it slid out of her. “Any stallion I date deserves better than frantic female humping. Yes, I take it nice and slow.” The head of my cock slipped out of Rarity’s hole with an audible “pop,” and the unicorn sighed with bliss.

“Slow, eh? Don’t mind if I do.” Applejack gently eased her pussy backwards onto my cock, swallowing it up again, tenderizing it with her powerful muscles and letting it stew.

“Now you’re hogging him.”

“Horseshoe’s on the other hoof now, ain’t it?”

This was how they fucked me, masterfully trading stroke for stroke, like a single pussy that kept changing its shape. It was incredible. Royal Guardsmares didn’t share, they rode me til they nutted and then hopped off to give the next girl a go. But Applejack and Rarity really were best friends, and they’d definitely done this before. Suddenly I heard a thump against the door to the heroes’ private car, and I noticed the pegasus conductor and several other ponies, all with their faces pressed excitedly against the glass.

“G-guys...” I called out. “There’s ponies at the window! They’re watching us have sex!”

Rarity tossed her mane dramatically. “Let them watch... and wish,” she declared.

This wasn’t the first time I’d performed for an audience. As long as I had Applejack and Rarity to protect me from the creepy conductor, I could do it. I reached out with both hands and stroked the two perfect plots that were sharing my cock: Applejack’s so tight and firm, Rarity’s so jiggly and soft.

“Nice an’ round, ain’t it?” Applejack asked me as her tiny pussy descended almost painfully down my shaft. “I’ll set you up in a guest room, an’ you can squeeze the juice outta this apple mornin’ and night. Most lunchtimes, too, cept Tuesdays when I gotta work the market.”

“I hardly think the question of where Paul is staying has been settled,” Rarity objected, squeezing her plush lips over the head of my cock as she took her turn. “I think he’d benefit from a stay in Ponyville’s bustling downtown, and a friendly unicorn to snuggle him to sleep.”

Applejack snorted, bouncing back down onto me and grasping me tight on her way out. “What could ya possibly offer Paul in yer tiny apartment with its tiny bed that he couldn’t get ten times better at Sweet Apple Acres?”

“Anal,” stated Rarity simply. My cock lurched and swelled inside her, only to be released and squeezed down to size a moment later by Applejack’s twat.

“Well now, that just ain’t fair,” Applejack sulked. “You know I got a rare condition called tight-assedness which precludes doin’ any butt stuff.” Her prim little pucker twitched between her bouncing ass cheeks as she slid off of me to give her friend the next stroke.

“All’s fair in love, darling.” Rarity claimed my cock once again with her slippery smooth pocket, the puffy and well used ponut above winking at me invitingly. “And if it isn’t love on your side, it certainly is on mine.” Rarity neighed loudly as she buried me inside her, and the two friends sped up their tag-teaming backwards thrusts onto my cock.

“Aw... gosh...” Applejack grunted. “He’s a real clit-tickler, this guy. Ain’t never had one this small, but can’t say as I mind.”

“Oh, my, yes!” Rarity called out dramatically. “It’s as though Paul were sculpted to please mares! Every inch is of the most divine construction! Dear me, I may never go back to pony stallions!”

“I wouldn’t go that far, but he’s — umph — scratchin’ mah itch with the best of ’em. Real glad ta be doin’ this with ya, best friend.”

“Oh, Applejack!” Rarity cried out. “I never dreamed the heights of lust went so very high!”

“I know we fight, Rarity, but I love ya!”

“Oh, dearest Applejack!” Again it was sounding like the two of them were fucking each other, with the presence of me and Paul Junior nothing but a minor and insignificant detail.

“Aw, Rarity, aw, dang, sharin’ with you, it’s the best! It just feels right, somehow!”

“I’m close, Applejack! May I keep him inside as my climax overwhelms me?”

“If ya do it quick instead o’ talkin’ mah ear off bout it!”

“Ahh! Ahhh!” Rarity took her place between my legs and bounced forcefully back and forth for a few strokes until she came, covering my dick with spurts of gooey offwhite marecum that dripped down my balls and thighs. “Oh, the peak of fashion... I mean, passion! Ahh... ahh.... oh, Paul, dear, dear Paul.” The fancy mare huffed, her cheeks bright red as she quivered and throbbed against my cock. Finally the well dressed unicorn climbed off of me, let her trenchcoat drop over her swollen vulva, and stretched out onto the bench next to me, leaving my stiff cock coated with sticky fluids.

“Heck, that looked fun. Ya mind if I finish him off?” asked Applejack.

“Do whatever you like, dear.” Rarity yawned. “This pleasured heap of mare needs to take a moment.” She reached her neck forward and kissed me tenderly, as Applejack dropped her ass and rode me roughly like a rodeo bull, twisting her hips with each plunge.

“Oh, fuck...” I moaned. The two sexy mares had been teasing me expertly, drawing me out longer than I’d thought possible, but with the earth pony now devoted to destroying my dick with her powerful plot, I found I couldn’t hold out much longer. “Applejack... I’m close!”

“Don’t be afraid ta cum inside,” Applejack told me. “I’m on 5 kinds o’ birth control jes’ ta counteract mah natural earth pony fecundity. O’ course, if ya do get me in the family way, you’ll take responsibility, wontcha?”

“I can’t...” I whispered sadly, “...with a pony, I mean.” It was the worst thing about being stranded in Equestria. I’d always wanted to be a dad, and now I’d never get the chance.

“How very interesting, darling,” Rarity murmured seductively, absolutely missing the point.

“Aww, weak swimmers, eh?” Applejack was sympathetic, kind of. “Keep tryin’, you’ll get there. Maybe some breedin’ talk will help. Gimme a foal, ya hot human stud!”

The thought of raising a child with beautiful, tight assed Applejack popped my cork. My sperm rushed into her and I groaned into Rarity’s mouth, overcome by pleasure. Applejack grunted and gushed over my thighs as she rammed her butt backwards into my pelvis, claiming her own orgasm to go with mine. Finally her thrusts slowed and she picked her hat back up off the floor of the train car, setting it properly on her head.

“Whoo! That put out the durn brushfire for a bit.” Applejack climbed off of me, took my limp noodle into her mouth, and cleaned the juices of our threesome off my shaft.

“That was fucking hot, if you’ll excuse my Prench,” Rarity confessed.

“Thank ya kindly.” Applejack nodded at her friend. “Speakin’ o’ Prench stuff, I still got that strap in mah suitcase, if ya wanna go fer round two.”

“Now, Applejack!” Rarity nibbled on my tongue, firmly yet lightly. “You know you’ll need to get at least half a cider inside of me before I’ll consent to that. Dear me, what would Paul think if I simply let another mare ravage me?”

“I reckon yer right,” Applejack grumbled. “Durn heteronomative matriarchy, fetishizin’ male bisexuality while erasin’ the feminine sort...”

Rarity reached inside my tube top with her magical aura and tweaked my erect nipples. “Mmm, isn’t that better, dear?” she asked me. “Now that you’ve had your little stallion cummies, we can do something about these hideous clothes of yours.”

“I-it’s my Royal Guard uniform,” I tried to explain.

“You’re not in the Guard anymore. You’re greatly overdressed for civilian life, and such drab colours! Come, let Rarity treat you right.” Rarity pulled a notion case from beneath her seat. “I’ll sew you some scandalous new loincloths before I parade you through the streets of Ponyville, but for now, we can accessorize with sexy patches.”

Rarity lit up her horn and sewed a patch onto my tube top that read “EYE CANDY.” Her magic moved down to my groin and gently tickled my spent cock as she added another to the front of my loincloth. The lewd patch showed a colourful, dripping popsicle and the words “A TREAT FOR MARES.”

Applejack licked her lips. “Mmm, that patch don’t lie.”

“Turn around, darling,” Rarity told me. “Let’s see that nice, firm Guardstallion tushy.”

I reluctantly stood up and bent over, drawing a groan from both mares. I felt Rarity’s gentle touch again as she magically applied one patch to the back of my loincloth, then added a second with a giggle.

“I dunno bout that one, Rarity...” Applejack muttered dubiously.

“Oh, nonsense. Every stallion loves a good swat on the plot.” She lightly smacked my ass through the loincloth. “It’s a compliment, really.”

I looked over my shoulder and read the patches Rarity had sewn to my rear view. One showed cartoon drawings of Rarity and Applejack with ahegao eyes, shouting “RARIJACK APPROVED!” The other simply said “LIKE IT? SPANK IT!”

“You’re all set, Paul.” Rarity spanked me again, just because she could. “Anypony who doubts your masculine wiles because of your species or your, erm, measurements, need only look at your pert rump for a devastating re-butt-al.”

“That’s right,” Applejack agreed. “Why, you already done satisfied the most beautiful, glamorous, fabulous mare in Ponyville!” She snickered. “An’ Rarity, too.”

“Yes, with our endorsement, you’re certain to meet your special somepony in no time.” Rarity uttered a sinister chuckle. “In fact, something tells me you already have...”

“Hoo boy,” Applejack sighed. “Here we go agin...”

...act ungrateful when mares are nice to them

In a matter of days I’d gone from a lowly toy for soldiers, to a playstallion in great demand. It seemed I now woke up in a different bed every morning. I’d been brought from the Royal Guard barracks into Celestia’s private fuck-dome, and now I’d made it to the most coveted destination of all: a cloud stuffed mattress lying on the floor in the cramped Ponyville apartment of Rarity, Element of Generosity and seamstress to the stars.

Last night I’d slept atop (and taken the place of) Rarity’s thoroughly humped and cumstained body pillow. Now, with a moment alone, I rolled over on the mattress and stared at the cartoonish drawing of Rarity’s dream stallion to be found upon the pillow: a slim, pretty unicorn with perfect features, fancy glasses, a flowing mane, and a cock the size of his leg. Whatever. I’m not judging.

No! I’m totally judging! This guy sucked, and the fact that Equestria considered stallions like him the ideal of masculinity made everything so much worse for toned, tiny dicked Paul.

I looked around the bedroom in the morning light. Last night, as Rarity and I tore off each others’ clothes in our rush to her mattress, I’d seen ponylike shapes looming above us that had seemed ominous and voyeuristic. Now I saw they were nothing but ponyquins modelling horny cosplay outfits.

I pulled back the luxurious sheets and looked down to check on the health of Paul Junior. The little guy was being constantly used by soldiers, princesses, and now the very demanding Element bearers, yet despite all these strenuous workouts, my morning wood stood tall and proud... or at least proud. There wasn’t any chafing or soreness. It felt like I’d spent all night bathed in expensive moisturizer, instead of what I’d actually been bathed in (Rarity’s cunt and ass juices.)

A young unicorn mare trotted into the bedroom, holding a tray of blackened and burned food. I quickly hid my dick beneath the sheet. “Wow, Rarity, your cutie mark is different than it was a minute ago, and your mane...”

“Rarity’s my sister, you moron. I’m Sweetie Belle.”

“That was a joke,” I explained.

“Your joke sucks. Stallions aren’t funny.”

If there’s one thing that’s the same between Earth and Equestria, it’s the power of the girlfriend’s little sister to make life into a living hell. I switched techniques, trying for flattery instead of humour. “Sweetie Belle, did you know you’re just as pretty as your sister?”

Sweetie Belle’s grumpy pout became a broad smile. “Aww, that’s sweet... I brought you breakfast!” She hovered the tray of sludge onto my lap, carefully navigating it over my bulge in the sheet.

“Wow.” I tried not to inhale the fumes, “this looks really... something.”

I heard the toilet flush, and Rarity trotted back in from the bathroom with her head (and tail) held high. “Ah, good morning Paul, I hope I didn’t inconvenience you last night with my insatiable lust! How about a nibble to get your energy back up? I see you’ve met Sweetie, our household chef.”

“Paul said I’m pretty!” Sweetie Belle announced.

“Did he, now?” Rarity gave me a suspicious glance as I cringed. “They do say the way to a stallion’s heart is through his stomach.” She grabbed the platter of burnt charcoal in her magic and shoved it against my chest, trying to make it seem like her gift and not her sister’s.

“That’s right, darling!” she declared loudly. “You’re in a modern, progressive Ponyville home, not Applejack’s hayseed flophouse. Here, the mares bring you breakfast in bed! How’s that for equality?”

On the tray, a bubble popped like a pimple on something that could once have been a pancake. “It’s a little, erm, crispy.”

“Good stallions don’t complain,” Rarity chastised me. “They say please and thank you.”

I choked out, “Thank you” as I prodded at the mess with my fork. I’d never be able to keep this down. It was worse than the crap I’d had to eat in the Royal Guard!

“There’s a good stallion.” Rarity’s anger was quickly forgotten. She looked down at the tray and gagged (something she’d managed not to do all night.) “Sweetie, what were you thinking? This is disgusting!” The older unicorn pulled the tray away, leaving me with nothing but a slime covered fork. “Here, Paul, I’ll take this away and prepare you a proper breakfast.”

“I just wanted to help!” the younger mare protested.

“If you want to help, you can keep Paul company while I read up on how to use the toaster. I shan’t be long, I do hope there’s some bread left...”

“Oh, wow, thanks, Rarity!” As Rarity turned to the kitchen, Sweetie Belle hopped onto her sister’s mattress and yanked the sheet away from me with her magic. She kissed my cock, then dragged her broad pony tongue around the head.

“Erm, how old are you?” I asked.

“Old enough to do this.” The young mare deepthroated me briefly and scowled. “You taste like Rarity.” She turned around and presented. “Now you’ll taste like me.”

“Sweetie Belle, I don’t think your sister—”

“Good stallions don’t complain,” Sweetie Belle reminded me. “They say please and thank you.” She popped her winking slit onto my cock and my mind dissolved in pure pony pleasure.

“P-please, Sweetie Belle,” I stammered out. “Rarity’s right there, in the kitchen!”

“Yeah, ‘please.’ That’s better.” Sweetie Belle grunted as she sheathed my straining shaft within her and began to move her hips.

“I-I don’t know if we should be doing this!” I struggled to keep my rational mind afloat in this sudden sea of maddening sensations. “Are you sure this is OK?”

“Of course it’s OK, it’s fucking great! I’m cumming already!” Sweetie Belle’s vice like insides clenched ever tighter around me. “Ack, Paul, not so rough!”

“I’m not doing anything! Just climb off!” I pleaded. I tried to push Sweetie Belle away as unknown masterpieces of flesh stroked me mercilessly.

“I can’t! You’re stuck in — oh, Celestia! Please, it’s too much! It hurts but it feels so good!”

The clop of hooves on a wooden floor sounded above Sweetie Belle’s cries of passion. “S-she’s coming back!” I gasped. I gripped Rarity’s 5,000 thread count bedsheets, sobbing with panic, trying to think of a way to get Sweetie Belle off of me without making it all worse.

As Rarity returned, holding a piece of slightly burnt bread in her magical aura, I reached out and frantically tried to hide my crotch mounted unicorn behind her body pillow. “Mmmph!” Sweetie Belle yelped, gushing mare juice all over my thighs as she suddenly discovered breath play.

“...And then the toaster exploded, so I had to use magic.” Rarity’s monologue trailed off as she stared at the pillow bobbing up and down on my crotch. “Paul, darling, don’t tell me Trenderhoof is your husbando, too! How exciting!” She tugged the pillow away and caught her little sister sitting on my lap with my cock buried inside her. “Oh, I see...”

Sweetie Belle blushed and stammered out “We were... p-playing?”

Rarity sighed. “Sweetie, you incorrigible scamp. I hope you at least sucked him stiff, instead of simply plunging onto him for your own mareish enjoyment.”

“Paul was rude!” Sweetie Belle pouted angrily. “He asked a lady her age!”

“Oh, wahahahah!” Rarity laughed haughtily and patted her sister on the head. “It’s alright, dear. Our ‘big, strong stallion’ simply doesn’t want to take advantage of an underaged filly. You needn’t worry, Paul. Sweetie Belle is 18, as are her friends. You’ll meet them soon enough.”

I sighed with relief. I wasn’t headed for Tartarus... not today, at least. Rarity hovered the piece of toast over to her sister. “Now then, Sweetie, climb off of our guest and feed him his breakfast.”

“I can’t!” Sweetie Belle insisted. “He’s knotted in my cervix!”

Rarity rolled her eyes. “He is nothing of the sort! You spend too much time reading those silly clopfics. I was going to introduce you to our new friend gradually, but you ate the whole cake at once, and now you have a tummy ache. Come, now. Up you get.”

“But Paul didn’t breed me yet!”

“Nor will he. Little sister may have her fun, but big sister gets the creampie.” Rarity ground her teeth. “Get up, Sweetie,” she growled. “There is a stallion in our home, and you will set a good example for him with your obedience.”

“Aww, OK,” Sweetie Belle grumbled. “You never let me have any fun.” With a frantic struggle she slowly unscrewed her cunt from my juice soaked cock, leaving it slick and painfully stiff. Sweetie then lifted the slice of toast in her magic, then bit off a little piece and kissed me. She gently fed me out of her own mouth, the burnt bread dampened and sweetened by her saliva.

“That’s better.” Pleased that her sister knew her place, Rarity backed her fat ass into my lap and with a squish of magical lube slid her tight, warm anus down over my cock, taking Sweetie Belle’s place. Rarity’s perfumed tail swished playfully back and forth, stroking my chest as she pumped me up and down.

“Ah, anal in the morning. Just what I need to put a little ginger in my step.”

“I want him in my butt,” Sweetie Belle sulked, casting a jealous glance at her sister.

“And so you shall. Paul will make a splendid practice cock for you — he’s quite a stylish size, you know!”

Sweetie Belle smashed the dry toast uncomfortably against my lips, her attention focused on the joining of my dick with her sister’s thick, twitching, jet black donut. “But you said bigger was better!” she whined.

“The pendulum of fashion, dear. As with hemlines, so with cocks. While in Canterlot I noticed that the society mares have begun to wear their anal gapes on the smaller side.” Rarity pressed a hoof to her forehead. “Ah, Rarity, it seems you’re to be a size queen no more.”

Rarity glared down at her sister magically smearing crumbs across my face. “Feed him properly, Sweetie, or do you want him to go running off to Applejack? Sweet Celestia, the things I do to keep this family dicked down!”

Chastened, Sweetie Belle went back to giving me breakfast, deeply tonguing me with every piece of soggy bread that passed from her mouth to mine. All the while, Rarity humped her pampered unicorn plot up and down upon my shaft, humming a lighthearted tune and occasionally moaning out a squirting orgasm. This was a really weird kind of food play, but I couldn’t deny I was loving the attention from a thirsty anal slut and her barely legal sister.

Thanks to my night of nonstop sex, I was able to hold out for a few minutes against Rarity’s bobbing butthole and the loud clapping of her luxury dumptruck, but the mares of Equestria were relentless, and it wasn’t long before I felt the familiar churning in my loins. “Oh, fuck!” I called out, startling Sweetie Belle out of my tonsils. “Rarity! Your ass!”

“Yes?” Rarity simpered coyly. “My ass? What of it?”

“It’s... nnngh! you’re fucking incredible!”

“Thank you, darling, but stallions usually offer up a more liquid tribute... ah, there is is! Molten gold...” I bucked my hips and launched thick ropes deep into Rarity’s colon, screaming into Sweetie Belle’s kissing mouth as the younger unicorn rubbed herself off with a hoof.

As I lay blissfully on the cloudlike mattress, the last pulses of my orgasm gently throbbing, Rarity pulled her asshole off my cock with a loud slurp and turned to nuzzle my neck. “What do you think, darling?” she asked me. “Nicer than Sweetie’s pudgy little plothole, eh?”

“I... don’t know,” I panted. “I only... tried her pussy...”

Rarity sighed. “We’ll need to work on your flattery, darling.”

“Yeah, even I know what to say there!” Sweetie Belle piped up.

Rarity squatted down atop my crotch and squeezed out my load with rude sounds, squirting and dribbling my cumshot out all over my softening cock. When the nasty noises ended, she looked down and admired her sloppy work with a broad smile.

“How delightful, Paul — you’ve brought me breakfast in bed after all!” Rarity dipped her head and slurped semen off the head of my sensitive dick. “What a considerate stallion you are!” The sophisticated fashionista effortlessly went ass to mouth, cleaning cum off my cock and my crotch, savouring every drop she recovered.

“How come it took him so long?” Sweetie Belle asked her sister. “The colts at school cum way faster!”

Rarity scoffed dismissively, kissing my limp dick all over. “‘The colts at school’ are just that — unexperienced colts. Paul is a gentlestallion, moreover, he is a stud. His service in the Royal Guard has taught him to prolong his release to bring the greatest possible pleasure to his mare... or mares.”

Rarity sprayed breath freshener into her mouth and moved her kisses up to my lips, reclaiming me fully from her sister. “What a catch! What an on-trend cock!” She suddenly became stern. “And what a pity that Paul’s so serious and career minded.” Rarity booped my nose with a hoof. “It’s up to little Ponyville to teach this big city stallion the error of his ways.”

Struck by inspiration, Rarity leapt off her mattress and searched through a cabinet in the corner of the bedroom. “Paul, darling, don’t you know you needn’t stress your mind with worries and decisions? A single choice will guide you through the rest of your life: whose collar should you wear?” She turned around, holding a heavily jewelled marriage collar in her magic, and presented it to me. I shuddered helplessly, trapped by the pushy unicorn.

“And even that choice can be made quite simple,” Rarity cheerfully insisted, oblivious to my fright. “Rarity For You is the most coveted collar label in all of Equestria, and who better to fasten one about your neck than Rarity herself?”

Rarity hovered the collar around my neck but didn’t fasten the loop in the back. The points of three huge sapphires pressed against my chest, recreating her cutie mark on the flesh she wanted to claim. “Marry me, and I’ll take care of everything,” she murmured. “You’ll be the happiest stallion who ever lived, with the emptiest balls.”

I gulped. At least she was technically giving me a choice. “I-I dunno, Rarity...” I stammered. “I do like you, and wow, you’re a freak in bed...”

“Why, thank you, darling.”

“But... marriage? Hell, I only met you 2 days ago!”

Rarity briefly snarled at me but managed to hide her anger beneath a pleasant smile. “Of course, Paul. Take your time. You must be thinking that Ponyville holds mares even more exciting than moi. I will still be here when you realize the truth. Yes, perhaps tonight I’ll introduce you to my mother, the infamous Cookie Crumbles.”

“Your mother?”

“Oh, that’s given your cock a little twitcha-twitch, has it?” Rarity gave a smouldering smile as she dropped the collar to the bedroom floor with a crash. “That’s right, Paul. One stylish collar gets you three mares, all of us ever so eager to please you. Yes, if I have my way, you won’t have a drop to spare for anypony else... no matter how much Applejack begs.”

“What happened to your Dad?” I asked. Cookie probably fucked him to death, I thought.

Rarity tossed her mane coyly. “Dear Papa does what he can, and quite capably, I hear, but our family bears a tragic curse. As a mare matures, one stallion just isn’t enough. In fact, I need you again, right now.” With that, the insatiable unicorn climbed atop me, magicking the stiffness back into my rod.

“Oh, you’re a marvel,” she smiled as Paul Junior swiftly swelled back up to pony pleasing size. “A bit more fun in the bum, and then you’ll take care of the washing up, eh?” Rarity popped her fat puffy asshole back onto my cock, ignoring my weak protests and torturing me once again with her heavenly insides. “Sweetie Belle has made quite a mess in the kitchen, I fear. But not as bad as the mess you’re about to make in me.”

“I want it too!” Sweetie Belle whined and stomped her hooves. “I want him in my butt! I’m old enough!”

Rarity sighed exasperatedly as her anus suckled on the crown of my prick. “Please, Sweetie Belle, you must respect a stallion’s right to consent! Paul has clearly decided to satisfy my plot this morning, and not yours. Why don’t you run along and see if one of your little friends can get it up for you? Big sister is busy with her beau-to-be.”

“Can I at least suck his balls?”

“I don’t know, Sweetie, can you? Yes, it seems that you can.” Sweetie Belle nuzzled in beneath her sister’s crotch and took my nuts into her mouth, gently sucking them, tugging with her lips and rolling them around with her tongue.

My whole body went rigid. This was incredible, a whole new level of excitement. I’d been with hundreds of selfish Guardsmares, but nopony had ever been so eager to see to my own needs as these thirsty sisters. I couldn’t take much of this. Just as Rarity claimed her orgasm, my sensitive cock throbbed in her clenching rectum, my balls twitched in Sweetie Belle’s mouth and I fired my second load in five minutes up the Element of Generosity’s ass.

“Ahh... divine...” Rarity took my entire load of sperm up her butt, squeezing me ferociously as my cries of joy turned to pained whimpers. She grunted contentedly and hopped off of me, then looked at herself in her vanity mirror and magically restyled her sweaty mane.

Sweetie Belle let my nuts drop out of her muzzle and tried to suck my dick erect yet again. “Please, it’s so sensitive!” I begged.

“Spit that thing out,” Rarity told her sister. “You don’t know where it’s been.”

“Yeth I do,” Sweetie Belle insisted.

“Oh, dear, I suppose you do.” Rarity blushed a bright red. “Paul is spent for the moment, Sweetie. Run along and do whatever it is you do with your Crusader friends.”

“We fuck stallions.”

“One doesn’t want to presume, but I thought as much. Off you go, now. Fuck all the stallions you like, but be back for supper.”

Sweetie Belle spit out my dick, stole a tube of expensive lubricant from off of her sister’s vanity and dashed out the front door, ready to menace Ponyville. Rarity briefly frowned, then turned back to me.

“Delightful as ever, Paul. A bit of a quickshot, there, but I’ll make allowances. Surely this is your first time being pleasured by two beautiful sisters at once.”

“Erm, Celestia and Luna? You saw it?”

“I said beautiful sisters, not thousand year old nags.” Rarity summoned a large butt plug with a diamond handle and firmly jammed it up her ass. “I’ll be keeping this load inside me for an afternoon pick-me-up. Now, once you’ve caught your breath, I’ve got something very exciting to show you. Something every stallion dreams of!”

“Is it the collar again?” I asked reluctantly.

Rarity snorted. “Oh, that old thing. Never you mind that, darling. Where my dazzling collar and my bewitching plot have somehow failed to win you over, this will surely make you mine!”

At last I struggled up from Rarity’s mattress, and the snooty unicorn led me into a kitchen full of piles of filthy dishes and pots, each crusted with a different kind of disgusting gunk. Flies buzzed around a half eaten birthday cake from a place called Sugarcube Corner. I could read something written atop the cake in rock hard frosting.

IT SHOULD SA
"HAPPY 18TH SWEETI
AND SHAPED LIKE A DI

“Here we are, Paul.” Rarity beamed with pride. I simply retched. “This is supposed to make me love you?” I burst out. “This is nuts! I was in the Guard and I didn’t live like this!”

“That’s it exactly!” Rarity pushed her full lips out into an exaggerated pout. “Don’t you see how very badly Sweetie and I need a talented stallion to mind the house? We’ll certainly make it worth your while~”

“Can’t you just clean up after yourself?”

“I could... or I could spend my time protecting Equestria from horrible monsters and villains, hrm?” Rarity slapped my ass with her magic. “Get to scrubbing, there’s a good stallion. I’m off to the Boutique. Remember, hot date with Mum tonight!” The door shut behind the glamorous unicorn, and I was alone in Rarity’s apartment.

I groaned and turned on the faucet to fill the sink with water. I had an audience with Princess Twilight Sparkle at noon, and nothing better to do until then. I might as well tidy up a bit. It wouldn’t be very fun to plow Rarity and Sweetie Belle if they came down with food poisoning from this disgusting kitchen.

As I scrubbed layers of grime from filthy plates, leaving the gleam of finest porcelain beneath, I found myself beginning to take pride in my work, and even looking forward to the evening to come. As much as I hated to admit it, the thought of bedding all three mares in this family of beautiful sluts had me already growing stiff again beneath my now ragged loincloth. Would it really be so bad to take Rarity’s collar, and be her kept stallion? Sure, she was a conceited asshole, but she sucked dick like a vacuum hose. Maybe I could fix her...

No! I splashed cold water into my face, forcing myself to stop thinking of that posh voice and that enormous wobbly plot. I couldn’t lose sight of my goal — to change Equestria for the better, freeing my fellow males from the oppression of constant hot sex and endlessly drained balls!

When I first arrived in this alien land, I’d thought I could prove myself a mare’s equal by joining the Royal Guard. This had backfired in spectacular fashion, as I swiftly found myself relegated to the role of a free-use boy toy. When I’d directly confronted Princess Celestia about the injustices of her rule, she’d simply hoofed me over to Rarity and Applejack, hoping their (admittedly god tier) bodies and appetites would domesticate me and keep me quiet.

The time had come for a slower and subtler approach. To win equality for all, I first had to understand what I was up against. Again my thoughts turned to Twilight Sparkle, the young princess I’d first seen reviewing the troops as we paraded past the royal bandstand. Yes, Ponyville’s hot nerdy librarian would surely be happy to teach an ignorant stallion all about the inner workings of Equestria...

...spoil their minds with education

After two hours of hard work in Rarity’s kitchen, I wasn’t even halfway done cleaning the dishes. I left some pots and pans to soak in the sink, took a bath to wash the slime and marecum off of my body, and headed out into Ponyville. Rarity wouldn’t be happy that I hadn’t finished my chores, but I couldn’t be late for the appointment I’d set up with Twilight Sparkle. I’d rather get chided by a self proclaimed “alpha mare” than squashed by actual royalty.

Fortunately, Twilight seemed to take after her modern sister-in-law, rather than Equestria’s overbearing medieval rulers. Celestia and Luna had their creepy castle, but Twilight had her School of Friendship, a sunny place where different creatures learned to live together peacefully. The royal sisters ruled from a throne room full of imposing stained glass, but Twilight worked at a simple desk in a cozy library. I walked in to see colourful books covering the walls, and Equestria’s youngest princess humming cheerfully as she signed stacks of paperwork.

“Good morning, Paul!” she squeaked. I sat down and carefully adjusted my loincloth to avoid flashing the Princess of Friendship. “Your highness, thanks so much for meeting with me,” I began.

“Please, call me Twilight!” The cute alicorn flipped up my loincloth with her magic and started stroking my cock into erection.

“B-buh?”

“And don’t worry about imposing. It’s great to finally jack off my brother’s old Guard partner. Just don’t expect this treatment every day, OK? You need to find a special somepony who can devote herself to emptying these nice, heavy human testicles.” Twilight giggled and magically squeezed my balls. “Practically a full time job, from what I hear!”

“I didn’t actually come here for a magicjob,” I confessed.

“Oh, I see!” Twilight seemed taken aback, as if she’d betrayed some strange notion of human etiquette. “Would you like me to stop?”

“P-please, keep going!” I’d never been tugged like this. Twilight’s magic grip was tighter and hotter than any pussy I’d ever felt.

Twilight smirked. “I thought so. Now, what can I do for you? If this is about the size of your dick...”

“You can do something about my size?” I blurted out. Even on Earth I hadn’t exactly been the biggest guy in the locker room, and comparing myself to actual equines was really depressing.

“Yep, you stallions are so predictable,” Twilight scoffed. “Bigger, bigger, bigger... Paul, we don’t know why you were sent to Equestria, but now that you’re here, your purpose is to bring pleasure to mares, and you’re doing a great job with what you have. Why alter perfection?”

“But you could make me bigger?” I pleaded. “Just a little?”

“I could,” Twilight admitted reluctantly, “but Rarity and Applejack would kill me. Awww, you look so adorable with your widdle fwown. Here, I’ll cuddle your balls while I stroke the head. That feels good, right?” I nodded frantically. “If you had some huge monster shlong, I wouldn’t be able to do this. Now, I’ll ask again: what can I do for you? Take your time answering. Enjoy the ride.”

“I’d like to... oh fuck, Twilight...” I bucked my hips in the chair as I tried to collect myself and remember why I’d sought this royal audience. “Now that I’m out of the Royal Guard, I’m trying to decide what I want to do with my life.”

Twilight frowned but didn’t stop jerking me off. “What do you mean, ‘what you want to do?’”

“Erm, that is... I’m trying to decide which mare to marry.”

“Ah, I see! Good for you!” Twilight nodded happily.

“It’s a big decision, so I figure I should learn more about Equestria first. I didn’t have a lot of free time in the Guard.”

“That’s a great idea, Paul! The stallion section of the library is right behind you. Feel free to check it out... and then check out one of the books! Hahahah!”

I pretended to laugh in between my genuine moans. “What do you mean, the stallion section?”

“Don’t worry, I can pleasure you from anywhere in the room. Anywhere in Ponyville, actually. Go, look!”

I struggled out of Twilight’s cushy chair and found a small bookcase near the door to the library, labelled with a drawing of an erect horsecock. “What’s all this other stuff?” I asked, pointing to the huge shelves around the room which stretched from the floor to the ceiling. “The mare section?”

“I wouldn’t call it that,” Twilight sputtered, losing her grip on my dick. “It’s a lot of technical books... magic theory... you wouldn’t be interested.”

“Can I borrow something from there?”

“Sure, if you have a good reason. But at least take a look at the stallion section first. There’s lots of great stuff in there!”

I looked through the small bookcase, looking through cookbooks, fashion, and romance novels. “Is there anything here with a fight scene?” I asked.

“Try Skyfire,” Twilight suggested. “My brother and I are both big fans of her works. She’s down on the bottom shelf.” I squatted down and heard Twilight groan. “Unf, dat biped ass...” Her magic returned and caressed my butt cheeks.

I pulled out some of Skyfire’s books and looked at the covers, trying to ignore Twilight’s distracting teasing. “The Homemaker’s Secret, Slave to the Hive, Hung in Appleloosa... this looks like porn.”

“Porn with fight scenes!” Twilight corrected me. “Skyfire’s works really hold a mirror up to Equestrian society. Shiny’s favourite was always Ravished by Royalty. Geeze, he must have ruined 5 copies.”

“If Shining likes it, I’ll try it.” I brought Ravished by Royalty and a few other books to Twilight’s desk. Twilight let go of my ass long enough to lift a rubber stamp and stamp each book with the return date.

Suddenly I remembered something Princess Cadance had said. “Isn’t there a stallion who’s a famous poet?” I asked.

“Oh!” Twilight blushed. “You mean Comedentis. I can’t lend his books out to just anypony. Most of his poems are about...” The nerdy princess bit her lip. “Licking a mare, down there,” she whispered loudly.

“I spent a year in the Royal Guard,” I pointed out.

“That’s fair.” Twilight opened a drawer in her desk, removed three small, well worn books and added them to my stack. “And I’d say that is just about as much as one human should be able to read before it’s time for him to report for his second alicorn magicjob.” The pretty purple princess winked at me and gripped my dick again. “If there’s nothing else, just sit back end enjoy. I can guarantee that this story has a happy ending!”

“There is one more thing,” I mentioned sheepishly. “How can I apply to join the School of Friendship?”

“There’s no formal process. Starlight and I just talk to her and see if she’d be a good fit. Do you know somecreature?”

“Yeah, me.”

“Oh...”

“What’s wrong? I saw griffons, changelings, yaks, a weird seahorse thing... why not a human?”

Twilight frowned and vigorously pumped off my cock, working the precum back into my skin like lotion as it leaked out the head. “Paul, I sympathize,” she told me. “Shiny also had a really difficult time finding the right mare for him. Thankfully the Guard, weird as that was, seems to have worked out. But... education? Even if I could allow you to enrol, a degree from the School of Friendship would actually make you less attractive to the average mare.”

“Stallions don’t go to school?”

“Of course they do, but just long enough to learn the three Rs. That’s Reading, ’Riting, and Respecting Mares. Any more would hurt their cute little brains. You don’t want that, do you?”

“I was a university student when I got zapped here.”

“What?” Twilight barked, as if I’d said my dick was the size of the moon. “There must be some mistake. You’re way too hot to be smart!”

“I had a solid B average!”

“Well, there you are. Just a B average? Your brain was overheating! Thank goodness you ended up in Equestria, where you can take it easy and have some fun.”

I heard the door to Twilight’s office creak open. “Ooh, speaking of cute little brains, here comes my very special somepony! Spike, did you get my lunch?”

A short, chubby dragon tiptoed across the office, blushing and hiding his thick erection behind a picnic basket, trying to ignore the grunting and moaning as his very special somepony whacked off another guy with her magic. Spike reluctantly set the basket on Twilight’s desk and his own exposed dick bounced free, covered in barbs and fleshy bumps, drooling big gushes of precum that steamed when they hit the floor.

“Ooh, I see what I really want for lunch!” Twilight smacked her lips at the sight of her assistant/sex slave’s readiness.

Spike looked really sad. “Y-you don’t want the hayburger?” he asked. “I had them make it just like you wanted!”

“Of course I want the hayburger, but I want your dragon dong first!” Twilight giggled cruelly. “You’re huge today, sweetie! You really need to stop peeking under mares’ tails in the market.”

“I can’t help it if they’re taller than me!” Spike moped. “I know you’re busy, and we already did it this morning... twice...”

“None of that. You’re my very special somepony, and I’m yours whenever you need me. Go fetch the big book, OK?”

Spike smiled, flew up to a high shelf and took down a book which was much larger than his own body. He heaved it onto Twilight’s desk, panting hard.

“I’m sorry about this, Paul,” Twilight told me. “I’ll just be one minute. One... intensely pleasurable... minute.” She ceased stroking my cock and opened the massive tome with her magic. “Now, let’s see, where were we? #1741... ooh, this is a very naughty position, Spike. I’m going to lie on my back, and you’ll be on top!”

“On top?” Spike said. “Me?”

“Don’t be bashful, lover.” Twilight lay back on top of the large book and spread her wings, not to mention her hind legs. “Just fuck me right here, like the cute dragon you are!”

Spike flapped his own wings, grabbed onto the desk and slammed balls deep into Twilight’s pussy in one thrust. The princess let out a squeak of pleasure and tenderly drew her hooves down the dragon’s scaly chest. “Oh, Spike! You’re such a wonderful stallion... you make me feel so good! You’re my short king, and Rarity can fuck right off!”

“Wait, what was that about Rarity?” Spike and I said simultaneously. Twilight ignored our question, dangling her head over the edge of her desk and blowing me kisses from her upside down position as Spike threw his whole body into his thrusts.

“Paul, would you mind putting it in my mouth?” she asked. “I can’t think of a better way to get my first taste of human cock than in a spitroast with the one I love.”

“Yes, your highness,” I sighed.

“Geeze, Paul, I’m not ordering you. Think of this as a just-friends face fuck.”

My magically teased dick couldn’t say no. I slipped my cock past Twilight’s lips and enjoyed my third royal blowjob this week. Twilight slurped eagerly on my meat as her horn lit up, lightly warming my balls, and I felt a gentle tendril of magic slip up my butt.

I tensed up, preparing for the worst, but this didn’t feel like the time Shining Armour and I had gotten so drunk that... no, that’s another story. Twilight’s magic was warm and wet, and she made an assfucking feel like getting rimmed out by a bowl of soup. I gasped and humped as deep as I could into Twilight’s throat. The cute princess smiled up at me (or at my balls, actually) and giggled around my dick.

“She’s pretty cool, right?” Spike asked.

“Yeah, your...” I took a guess, seeing no collar around Spike’s neck. “Your marefriend is really good with her magic. You’re sure you don’t mind me screwing her?”

“Are you kidding? You’re seriously helping a bro out!” Spike reached his palm out and we shared a high-five over Twilight Sparkle’s squirming, quivering body. “Yeah, we’re Twilight-fucking pals!”

“That’s really weird, but, I guess...”

“C’mon, you say it!” Spike insisted with a huge smile.

What had I gotten myself into? “Twilight-fucking pals!” I mumbled.

“Yeah, we’re the coolest guys in Ponyville! Twilight, I’m gonna cum!”

Twilight squealed as she and her lover climaxed simultaneously. Sparks popped from out of her horn and the magical probe up my ass swirled about without any direction. Spike threw his head back and made an O-face that looked even dumber than the one I’d been sporting in my royal portrait. I had to look down at Twilight’s crotchboobs or risk losing my wood because of his cringy, high-pitched whining.

Fortunately, the Princess of Friendship had a set of wobbling orbs to drive a guy wild. No itty bitty Guardsmare titties here! Twilight’s rack was of royal proportions, with thick nipples and plenty of nerd fat, and her big pony funbags jiggled excitedly on her barrel with every thrust Spike gave her. With a view of those tits and Twilight’s vacuum suction eager to pull the cum out of my balls, my own orgasm wasn’t far behind the happy couple’s.

“Shit, Twilight, I’m close,” I panted. “Where do you want it?” Twilight’s answer was to form her magic into a string of beads and slowly tug them out of my ass. “Aaah, shit!” My nuts swelled and I shot massive gushes down her throat as my asshole was dominated by her magical alicorn butt balls, each one seemingly larger than the last, plopping out of me in time to the pounding spurts of my cum.

As the last bead plopped out of my ass and vanished, I fell backwards into my chair, freeing Twilight’s mouth and dribbling a few last drops onto the cushion. There sure are a lot of stains on this cushion, I thought with my post nut clarity.

Twilight smacked her lips and climbed up from her huge book of sex positions. “Wow, Spike!” She smiled at her drakefriend and ducked her head down to lick their juices off his sheathing prick. “I thought dragon-on-top was very romantic, don’t you?” The small dragon nodded shyly and hugged his royal lover. “We’ll have to remember this one for Hearts and Hooves Day.” The satisfied princess folded down a corner of the page and closed the book.

“Put that back, Spike. And you, Paul, are going to get a very special diploma. ‘B average,’ my plot! You were great!” Twilight picked up a quill in her magic and scribbled some calligraphy on a leftover piece of parchment. “Now you can forget all about that silly School of Friendship.” She hoofed the parchment to me. “You’ve got all the qualifications you need!”

I read the “diploma” with disbelief. “Master of Face Fucking, Summa Cum Loads?”

“Don’t tell the EEA I gave you that,” Twilight whispered shiftily. She opened the picnic basket and started messily munching her hayburger.

Spike flew down from the bookcase, empty clawed. “Paul, it was really cool to meet you and be Twilight-fucking pals together.”

“It totally was, but calling yourself that is super lame,” I agreed.

“Do you want to come to the game store tonight? Me and Applejack’s brother are going to play Ogres & Oubliettes. We’d love to have another stallion join our quest for treasure and glory!”

“Aww, that sounds awesome, little guy.” Finally, this was my chance to get together with a group of guys and see what they really thought of Equestria’s matriarchy.

“Ooh, a stallion’s night out!” Twilight squealed. “I love it!” She booped Spike on the nose with a hay fry. “You’re so horny and pent up when you come back from O&O.”

“Actually, can we make it tomorrow?” I asked Spike. “I just remembered, I’ve got a thing with Rarity’s mum tonight.”

Twilight’s ear twitched. “Whoa, Paul, you’ll need a couple of days to recover from a date with Cookie. Thursday might be better.”

“Th-Thursday it is,” I agreed, a little nervously.

“Oh, and Paul?” Twilight hovered a potion over to me. “Drink this tonight, when things start getting heavy with Cookie. You’ll thank me later...”

...spend too much time with other stallions

My Sunday night date with Cookie Crumbles went remarkably well. Hondo Flanks, Cookie’s handsome husband, cooked us a delicious dinner paired with excellent wines. By working together, and sharing Twilight’s potion, the aging stud and I were able to satisfy Rarity’s demanding mother with only minor injuries.

I was up and about by Thursday afternoon, no thanks to Cookie’s daughters, who resumed their usual cycle of pleasurable abuse the moment Rarity tenderly lay my drained body onto her mattress. For days, as I lay still trying to recover, delectable mare holes were regularly slipped onto my forcefully erected penis. “Just a quick one, darling... or two if you feel up to it... and Sweetie will indulge as well, of course.”

The 6th time Sweetie Belle hit the high note with my cock buried up her rectum, I started wishing I’d decided to stay with Applejack instead. I didn’t know that Applejack also had an 18 year old sister, who was about to make a move of her own...

On Thursday evening, my new pal Spike and I walked down quiet country roads to Sweet Apple Acres, and met up with Applejack. The Element of Honesty introduced me to her brother Big Macintosh, and his doting unicorn wife Sugar Belle. We headed into their quaint farmhouse for dinner with the rest of the family: the sweet young farm girl Apple Bloom, and the wizened yet spry Granny Smith, who embarrassed all of us by telling the filthiest jokes I’ve ever heard.

After sharing a hearty meal of baked apples, apple salad, apple cider, and apple pie for dessert, Applejack and Sugar Belle took us guys outside and led us down a set of wooden stairs into a dark underground chamber.

“How d’ya like it?” Applejack asked as she lit a lantern. “Sugar Belle an’ me tidied up this ol’ root cellar for ya, so ya could enjoy yer lil’ game o’ ogres er whatever.”

Big Mac and I happily sat down in comfortable chairs around a large wooden table covered with a detailed map and metal miniatures. Spike sniffed at the musty air with some small displeasure. “What’s wrong with playing in the game store?”

“That there game store’s a den o’ sin! I don’t want no creepy mares comin’ on ta ya when yer just tryin’ ta have fun. A decent stallion falls into the clutches of one o’ them dungeon mistresses, an’ next thing ya know he’s a degenerate who licks mare pussy!”

Sugar Belle coughed loudly and shared a terrified glance with Big Mac. “I-I didn’t know you were against pussy licking,” she told her sister-in-law.

Applejack pounded the table with a hoof. “Not mah brother! No way, no ma’am!” Big Mac whistled an innocent tune.

“Hey, thanks for setting this up,” I said politely, trying to diffuse the awkwardness.

“Mah pleasure, Paul. Sorry I blew up there,” Applejack chuckled. “Just gets mah goat, is all. Soppin’ wet mare pussies, all drippin’ an’ squirtin’... anyways, we brought somethin’ juicy for ya ta put yer mouths on while ya play.” Applejack placed a large bowl of apple slices in the centre of the gaming table.

“And this is so you don’t eat the dice, Spike.” Sugar Belle set a dish of gemstones in front of a salivating Spike, then hovered a tinkling bell onto the table next to Big Mac.

“Now, shmoopybuttons,” she told him, “you just ring this bell when you want more snacks or a nice sloppy hummer. Applejack and I will be doing mare things upstairs.”

Big Mac blushed with love and embarrassment. “Aww, OK, honeybunch.” Sugar Belle kissed her husband on the nose and turned to leave. As she climbed the stairs, her cupcake fattened rump jiggling with every step, Applejack halted on the bottom stair and looked back at us.

“Spike? Paul? When Big Mac rings that bell, y‘all ain’t gonna be left hangin’ in the hummer department, if ya get what I‘m sayin’.”

“Thanks, Applejack.” I smiled. “You give the best head in Ponyville.”

“Aww, ya flatterer. It’s true, though, it’s true.”

For the first time since arriving in Equestria, I was alone with other stallions, with not a mare to be seen anywhere. I nodded through Spike’s explanation of the rules, then checked behind me for eavesdroppers and made my move.

“Hey, guys,” I whispered. “Weird question but, how do you turn down a mare? I mean, if she wants sex and you don’t?”

“Why would ya do that?” Big Mac asked. “I turn down food when I’m full, but ya can’t get full o’ sex!”

“Yeah! Sex is the best!” Spike said. “There’s nothing like getting my gems off in Twilight’s pussy!”

“Er Sugar Belle’s...” Big Mac sighed.

“Or Sugar Belle’s...” Spike agreed.

“Er Twilight’s...” Big Mac admitted.

“Or Applejack’s...” I added.

“Can’t follow ya there, friend.”

“But don’t you think it’s weird that mares think they deserve to run Equestria? Just because they’re hot and give great blowjobs?”

Spike folded his arms. “Who else is going to run Equestria? Us? No way!”

“Shucks, I ain’t even got the brains to run one lil’ apple farm,” Big Mac agreed. “I just buck the trees Applejack tells me, and put my dick where Sugar Belle says, an’ I’m happy.”

“You guys are selling yourselves short,” I argued. I leaned over the table and swept my arm over the vast fantasy world my new friends had created. “You came up with all of this! You’re smart and creative! You deserve to have ambitions!”

“We have to find you a special somepony, and quick!” Spike told me, casting a worried glance at Big Mac. “Twilight says stallions can get hysterical if their balls get too full. All of that sperm building up gives them crazy thoughts, til they can shoot it inside a mare where it belongs.”

“Please, guys,” I begged. If I couldn’t even get these two on my side, my quest for equality was as good as doomed. “You don’t have to give up love or sex, we just have to make them see—”

Suddenly there was a loud magical explosion, and a cloud of smoke filled the cellar. Big Mac pressed a hoof over his nose. “Lay off the dang cabbage, guys.”

“He who smelt it dealt it,” Spike retorted.

We turned to see that three young mares had magically teleported into a corner of our stallion-cave. As they coughed and waved away their smoke bomb, I recognized Ponyville’s top sexual bullies, the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

“Hello, boys,” snarled Scootaloo, the tomboy leader of the CMCs.

I’d seen the Crusaders in wanted posters around town, but when I asked Rarity about them she’d scoffed and said the girls had put up the posters themselves. I couldn’t take them seriously, especially since one of “Equestria’s Biggest Heartbreakers” was Sweetie Belle, the squealing marshmallow I roasted on my dick each morning.

Big Mac shuddered. “Uh, howdy, Scootaloo... Sweetie Belle... sis.” He seemed seriously afraid of what a couple of horny young mares could do to him. As for myself, I’d dealt with countless girls like this in the Royal Guard: raw recruits straight out of high school who talked big but had no experience. If you asked me, the Cutie Mark Crusaders could be straightened out with a firm spanking and some gentle aftercare. But Equestria wouldn’t allow me, or any stallion, to take that dominant role, so the brats ran wild.

Scootaloo looked over our epic O&O map. “What are you doing? Pretending to be strong stallion warriors?” She picked up a silver figurine with one wing and looked at it. “How come these guys are so ugly? They should be hotter, for me.”

“That there’s Sir McBiggun,” Big Mac explained eagerly. “Y’see, he bears the scars o’ his evil past—”

The short maned pegasus dropped Big Mac’s miniature back onto the table, snickering as the tiny statue toppled on its side. “Oops, it looks like he isn’t so tough after all.”

“Ya probly reminded him o’ his tragic backstory. He tries to hide from the darkness in his soul, but he’s gotta roll gainst Wisdom every long rest—”

“What kind of lame game is this?” Sweetie Belle griped, looking through Spike’s rule book. “You beat up monsters and talk about your feelings? Ugh.”

“I got a better activity for three stallions in a root cellar,” Big Mac’s sister announced. “It rhymes with ‘get yer cocks sucked.’”

“You heard the lady,” Scootaloo said. “Whip em out, guys.”

“You two can do what you want, but I’m down.” I knew I’d be making zero progress with Big Mac and Spike so long as the CMCs were here to push them around, so I might as well enjoy myself. I shifted my loincloth and spread my legs, exposing my rising erection to the three hungry mares.

Apple Bloom licked her lips. “Hello, human dick.” She’d been sweet and polite at dinner, but now she launched herself at my tube steak, slipping the head into her mouth and tugging with her lips like my balls were full of apple flavoured milkshake. I was rock hard in seconds.

“That’s what I’m talking about,” Scootaloo nodded. “A stiff cock on a guy who’s not afraid to use it. I couldn’t care less about the size.”

“I’ll go, too.” Spike spread his legs in his chair, allowing his long, bumpy lizard cock to slide out of the slit in his crotch and swell to its full glory.

“Not bad,” Scootaloo admitted, biting her lip as Sweetie Belle eagerly took her place between Spike’s knees. “If it’s a little bigger I won’t say no. Technique’s more important, though.”

Big Mac panted for breath as all the blood in his body rushed to his groin, swelling and unsheathing a deep red cock longer and thicker than his powerful leg. The head drooped, brushing against the dirt floor of the root cellar, then slowly bobbed upwards, twitch by twitch, as his enormous slab grew ever thicker and stiffer. Smears of Sugar Belle’s purple lipstick were still visible at the base of the monstrosity, and the unsheathed shaft glistened with uncleaned cream from the lucky unicorn’s morning ride.

“Now that’s a marebreaker!” Scootaloo squealed. Want-it need-it hearts filled her eyes. “Forget everything I just said! By Celestia’s farts, I need that in me right now!”

I wilted into my seat. Only Apple Bloom’s continued devotions kept me erect. Big Mac was bigger than Spike, bigger than Shining Armour, bigger than anything I’d seen in porn here or on Earth. His flared head was longer and fatter than my entire dick. I’ve always struggled with feelings of inadequacy, but my new friend would make an actual horse feel inadequate. Why would any mare in Equestria pay attention to me, when monsters like that swung between stallions’ legs?

“Forgive me, Sugar Belle, I’m sorry,” Big Mac moaned, looking up at the floor of the house where his unsuspecting wife chatted with Applejack.

“I’m not!” Scootaloo buried her muzzle between the two globes of Big Mac’s ball sack and motorboated his musky nuts. “Fucking Tartarus!” she moaned. “Did this get bigger since I saw you in the shower?”

“Y-ya mean ya were the peeper I heard last week?”

“Fuck, yeah!” Scootaloo announced proudly. “Silver Spoon paid me ten bits to show her that crack in the wall. We rubbed ourselves raw watching you soap up this drain clogging daddy dick!”

Sweetie Belle popped her mouth off the tapered head of Spike’s drakehood. “Rarity says small cocks are stylish now,” she sniffed dismissively. “I guess your country bumpkin didn’t hear the news.”

“It’s a disgusting freak of nature,” Scootaloo agreed, turning on a bit. “How can something this big give a mare any actual pleasure? I don’t even know how this is supposed to fit inside my tiny, yet unambiguously legal, body!” The horny mare licked her lips. “I’m just going to have to try it and see... n-not that I’m looking forward to this or anything!”

Big Mac sweated and stuttered under this rough treatment from his sister’s friend. “Hey, Mac,” I reminded him, running my hands through Apple Bloom’s mane as she slurped up and down my meat, utterly content with my modest size. “Remember what we talked about. You can turn down sex.”

“I guess.” Scootaloo rolled her eyes. “If you don’t want a hot young baddie worshipping your dick, you can always ring your dumb bell and get a boring blowjob from your wife.”

“Ya won’t tell Sugar Belle or nothin’?” I would have noped out before asking a question like that, but it seemed Big Mac couldn’t resist the filly he’d seen grow up into a beautiful, yet nasty and aggressive, mare.

“Nah.” Scootaloo stepped forward and kissed Big Mac on the lips. “It’s more fun if we keep it a secret. I like taking a mare’s husband in every hole, cucking her right under her nose, and then smiling like a good filly when she gives me a bag of apples or something.” Scootaloo’s eyes turned towards our gaming table and she possessively picked up a glittering die that had been magically carved out of a large diamond.

“B-be careful, Scootaloo!” Big Mac protested. “That’s mah lucky d20! Rarity made it for me!”

“Oh, your precious Rarity made it.” Holding the cold, hard jewel in one wing, Scootaloo rolled the die around the swell of Big Mac’s flare, coating it with sticky, pungent precum. “How does it feel, Big Mac? Rarity would’ve done anything for you, and now you’ll never be with her because of your freakishly ginormous cock.”

“I’m married,” Big Mac reminded his tormentor. He pointed to the plain, honest collar around his neck. “Happily married to a sweet mare who ain’t gonna decide mah dick’s too big cause o’ what she read in some magazine.” He winced as he realized just how his wife might feel about Scootaloo stealing her rightful hummer.

I just relaxed in my own private paradise away from the drama, relishing my appointment with Apple Bloom’s mouth. Her mane was silky soft under my fingers, her lips providing a slow and teasing suction while her tongue danced around my shaft. Sure, I had the smallest dick in Ponyville, but without a special somepony I could let these horny homewreckers molest me without consequences.

“Let’s play a game, Big Mac.” Scootaloo hoofed the sticky d20 back to its owner. “Roll Rarity’s die, and that’s how many inches I’m going to swallow of your disgustingly huge married cock.”

“Uh, sure, Scootaloo, sounds f-fun,” Big Mac whimpered, cowed into submission.

“Yeah,” Scootaloo snarled, “fun for me.”

With a trembling hoof, Big Mac reluctantly dropped the large diamond to clatter on the table, bouncing among our discarded miniatures and staining the board with his precum. Scootaloo reached out with a wing and gave the die an extra nudge.

“Look at that,” she sneered. “A natural 20.”

“My blowjobs are not boring, mister!” Sugar Belle steamed with fury and stomped her hooves onto the Apple family dinner table, glaring at her husband.

“I... I never said they was...” Big Mac mumbled.

My O&O group was in hot water, and there wasn’t a spell or a saving throw that would save us this time. After blowing thick sticky loads down Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle’s throats, Spike and I had teamed up to treat the two Crusaders to their very first double penetrations. Meanwhile Scootaloo had struggled to force her cunt lips over Big Mac’s princess-breaking cock, eventually just rubbing herself off against his flare. We’d all gone home satisfied, our secrets safe... or so we thought.

Yet the next day Spike and I were summoned back to Sweet Apple Acres by Applejack and Sugar Belle. The two furious mares sat us down at the dinner table next to a shamefaced Big Mac, and yelled at us about the proper place of stallions in Equestrian society.

As the lecture began, I felt a muzzle nudge my loincloth to the side and a talented mouth slurp up my rapidly hardening wiener. Just as that happened to me I heard Big Mac gasp. I looked over at Spike and saw that his long, forked tongue was suddenly hanging out of his mouth.

Sugar Belle and Applejack didn’t notice, they just kept berating us. We were loose stallions who couldn’t be trusted. (Bullshit...) We were setting a bad example for the CMCs. (Bullshit...) We were willing to throw away our sacred virtue for one minute in an 18-year-old’s velvety pussy. (OK, that one was true.)

“Do you have anything to say for yourself?” Sugar Belle asked her husband at last.

“See, Scootaloo’s real sexy...” Big Mac explained.

“And I’m not?”

Big Mac gulped and frantically tried to lay on the country charm. “Aww, sweetie, why, yer the purdiest mare in Ponyville!”

“Just in Ponyville?”

“Eenope, in all o’ Equestria, an’ outer space, too!”

“You’ve been cheating on me in space?”

“It’s not his fault!” I protested. “They said they’d keep it a secret!” As Applejack and Sugar Belle cackled hilariously, I realized what a shitty defence this was.

“Secret?” Applejack wiped her eyes. “Heck, they was puttin’ it all over town!”

“Scootaloo burped Big Mac’s cum right in my face!” Sugar Belle chuckled. “Still, fillies will be fillies.”

“Yeah, ya gotta laugh,” Applejack agreed. “Hoo boy, them troublemakers.”

“I wouldn’t be so upset if we’d found the three of you playing with each other,” Sugar Belle told us.

“In fact, we was kinda hopin’ that would happen,” Applejack admitted.

“I can’t do anything about Paul.” Sugar Belle nodded at me. “And I won’t interfere with how Twilight disciplines Spike, but... Big Mac, I love you. You wear my collar. This behaviour reflects on me as your wife. The next time some slutty filly wants to choke on your dick, send her to me so I can teach her to do it right.”

“Y-y-yes, darlin’,” Big Mac stuttered, veins bulging out of his powerful neck.

“Oh, shmoopypants.” Sugar Belle stroked her husband’s cheek. “I know, I know. Stallions are weak. You’d fuck a mousetrap if I put a cute wig on it. I just don’t want you wasting cum on a blowjob that’s less than you deserve.”

The invisible mouth beneath the table was now sloppily worshipping my dick. I felt a wide pony tongue stretch out past my shaft and start licking my churning balls. I frantically humped my hips forward, trying to keep my desperation invisible from the waist up.

“The nerve o’ them gals!” Applejack shook her head. “Thinkin’ they can satisfy grown-ass stallions with them fumblin’ high school mouth motions.”

“I know, right?” Sugar Belle stared her husband down. “Am I really supposed to believe that twig of a pegasus sucked you better than I do?”

“Yeah!” Spike agreed. “Scootaloo can’t even deepthroat!” A loud gagging sound suddenly came from his end of the dinner table.

“A-A-Apple Bloom was pretty good, I thought,” I stuttered as my balls swelled like two of Pinkie Pie’s party balloons.

“That’s cause I taught ’er myself!” Applejack smiled with pride. “Eeyup, top two fellatio champions o’ Ponyville! Where is that varmint, anyhoo? It’s time fer chores!”

“Don’t... know!” I clenched my fists. My soul was on the verge of being sucked out of my dick.

Applejack thrust her muzzle into my face and growled. “She better not be in my favourite under-the-table blowjob spot, sloppy-toppin’ ya as we speak!”

“I don’t know for sure this is her!” I whimpered. I pounded the table as my nuts began to unload into hot pony mouth. “Oh, fuck, I’m CUMMING!”

“Me, too!” shouted Spike.

“I nutted twice while y’all was chewin’ me out!” Big Mac chimed in.

Applejack screamed with rage and bucked the dinner table through the window, revealing three brats who were spoiling their appetites with three erupting dicks. Scootaloo’s muzzle was eagerly bobbing up and down in Spike’s lap. Sweetie Belle struggled for breath, her throat impaled halfway down Big Mac’s enormous erection, her natural pudge accentuated by a stomach bloated with Sweet Apple Acres hospitality.

Apple Bloom tickled my cockhead with her tongue, drinking from my pulsating fountain with a satisfied smirk. “Golly, sis,” she drawled, letting a trickle of human sperm dribble down her lip. “Looks like the Cutie Mark Crusaders done beat ya to it... agin.”

“CONSARN IT, APPLE BLOOM!”

...go on too many dates

“Um, your attention please, everycreature.” Fluttershy gently tapped a hoof against the wooden floor of the town hall and the crowd went quiet. “It’s wonderful to see so many new faces for tonight’s event. Oh, it’s never been a better time to be a xenophile in Ponyville!”

I cracked my knuckles. This speed dating night was my big chance. There had to be one mare in town who saw me as more than a walking protein shake. I wasn’t going to sit around like Shining Armour, waiting for my princess to show up. I was going to find that cutie, snuggle her and never let her go. If I could get just one mare on my side, the fight for equality would seem a lot less lonely.

“You all have a questionnaire in front of you,” Fluttershy continued. “Please fill it out so that my lovely wife can connect you with your most compatible matches. Hopefully you’ll find your special somecreature tonight, just like I have with Eris!”

The meek, coltish yellow pegasus gave a loving look to the all powerful being of pure feminine conflict, who was chewing bubblegum and filing her nails. “You will do it right, won’t you, honey?” Fluttershy asked.

“Of course! Match everycreature with the partner who will cause the most hilarious chaos! No problem.”

Fluttershy put a hoof on her wife’s chest. “No, sweetie, I’m being very clear that is what you should not do.”

Eris blew a pink bubble so large it swallowed her entire body. “We should try it my way.” The goddess of strife lazily floated in her bubble towards the ceiling of Ponyville’s town hall.

“We tried it your way last time, and you matched everycreature with a different kind of stinky cheese!”

“And we all went home completely sated! Most successful evening ever!”

A puff of smoke appeared above Fluttershy’s head. “Well, we’re trying it my way this time, OK, sassafras?” she snapped.

The pink bubble popped, sending Eris falling to earth. “Yes, dear,” she groaned.

“Ugh, sorry, Paul, just a second.” Gabby, the griffon across the table from me, grunted and shifted her incredible ass, trying once again to back that massive dumptruck into a chair sized for a more modest plot. “I hate these dumb pony chairs... what were you saying?”

I squatted down on my own chair and took a sip of water to calm myself. I stared at the bountiful ass flesh and thigh meat squeezing out of every gap in the chair Gabby had forced herself into. Her grey tail flickered in the air, holding a promise of nighttime fun and morning teasing.

“I was just saying that species doesn’t matter to me,” I assured Gabby. My cock swelled beneath my nicest loincloth, and I begged him not to embarrass me with a premature hello. “Human, pony, griffon... just the back half of a griffon... I don’t believe in any barriers to love.”

Gabby’s bird head twisted around with confusion. “I’m flattered, Paul, but I’m not looking for romance right now. I’m really busy with my graduate studies at the School of Friendship.”

“So then why did you come to a speed dating event?”

“Gosh, is that what this is?” Gabby looked around at the chatty couples. “Oops! I came because I heard there was free cheese. But since I’m here, why don’t I suck your dick? I’ve never blown a human before!”

“I could go for something casual,” I admitted. “Is the beak going to be a problem?”

“Oh, it’s a huge problem! You’re in for some lacerations.”

“M-maybe later, then.”

“Anytime!” Gabby stood up and turned around. The chair squeezed onto her stupendously plump ass swung about and sent my water glass flying. “Would you mind prying this off of me? You might have to reach pretty deep up my crack.”

“Sure, Gabby.” I reached out with shaking hands for sweaty griffon buns, trying to keep from fainting. “I’m h-happy to help...”

My first real date that evening was a glamorous, well dressed earth pony named Octavia. I couldn’t believe my luck. High class women really get my apples bucking, especially when they have a nasty streak. Where Rarity was glittery and flashy, Octavia was subtle and sophisticated. I could just imagine her greeting me at the door with a dry martini and a wet blowjob.

“I require an exotic trophy husband to accompany me to my concerts and events.” Octavia’s voice was low and husky, and her sexy accent sounded like an orgy at a manor house. “Purely for show, you understand. There will be nothing between us, but you’ll be well paid.”

“That could work,” I admitted. Acting as hoof candy to a mare like Octavia was better than most of the other jobs a male could get in Equestria. And who’s to say this gorgeous creature wouldn’t warm to me, in time?

“Good.” With a clank, Octavia dropped a medieval metal construction onto the table. “I’ll be caging you, of course — permanently. I can’t have that disgusting thing between your legs causing a scandal.” She looked around the crowded hall. “Shall I put it on you now, or would you like to try for one last orgasm with one of these whores?”

I swiftly raised my hand. “Fluttershy, next, please!”

“I hate these things,” Rainbow Dash griped. “Everypony here is so fake, ya know?” She reached under the table and grabbed at my crotch. “Damn, but that’s not fake!” She glanced at my name tag. “Phil, right?” Before I knew what was going on, the slender pegasus had flapped across the table and tugged my dick out of my loincloth. She impaled her tiny horse pussy on my erection, gripped my shoulders and bounced herself up and down, rapid fire. “Oh, yeah!” she groaned. “Finally, a cock worthy of the Dash!”

I moaned, helpless before the Wonderbolt’s athletic onslaught. Her speed and tightness were beyond anything I’d felt before. “W-what? Why? What are you doing?” I protested.

“Speed dating, duh! Hey, let’s get married, how about it? Go to Rarity’s and pick out a collar. I’ll pay for it. Just don’t go over 100 bits. I’m not made of money. Unnngh! Uuungh! Yeah!” In seconds, Rainbow Dash squirted all over my thighs, then flapped off of my cock and leaned down to kiss the swollen glans.

“Awesome sex, toots. Do you want foals? Me neither. See you at the wedding! Dash gotta dash!” In a puff of rainbow, she was gone.

“I... I want foals...” I stammered out.

“...And we can have foals if you want, and you’ll get free cupcakes, and all of my love, and you can smooch me, even in public, and I’ll smooch back! Oh, and I’ll keep my booty lubed so you can put it in my butt anytime! And—”

“Pinkie, that sounds great, but don’t you already have a special somepony?”

“I sure do! His name’s Cheese Sandwich and he’s super duper cute! He gets all of this stuff too!”

“Don’t you think you should focus on the guy you already love?”

“Aww, you’re sweet! And I know sweets — I’m Pinkie Pie! Hey, you’ll also get to taste test my recipes! Did I mention that? And you can help me out in the kitchen, and brush my mane, and I’ll sing silly songs for you, and...”

I finally got rid of Pinkie, only to be confronted with a duo of cutie pies: a sassy looking mint green unicorn and a more demure cream coloured earth pony.

“We’re a lesbian couple looking for a third,” the unicorn explained. “No collars, no commitments. We just need a dumb himbo to give us our daily penis injections.”

“You’ll sleep in the guest room,” the earth pony added, “and you can live your own life when we don’t need you.”

This wasn’t the true love I’d come here to find, but I couldn’t deny that it fed right into my most shameful fantasies. Watching two pretty lesbians spread each other for me... showing them what a real cock could do... “As long as it’s not exclusive,” I agreed. “I’m your himbo, girls.”

“Oh, thank Celestia. Finally, somepony else to listen to Lyra’s dumb conspiracy theories.”

“Shut your cocksleeve, Bon Bon,” the unicorn snapped. “Paul, listen to me: changelings aren’t real. They fake it with magic and mirrors. I’ll tell you all about it while you’re pounding my butthole.”

“Wow, we’re going right to anal?” I stuttered.

“My pussy’s reserved for my wife, you moron. What part of ‘lesbian’ don’t you understand?”

“Erm... all of it, I think?”

As Lyra and Bon Bon angrily trotted away from my table, a spicy looking earth pony slid into my view. Her name tag identified her as “Lily,” and the namesake flower pressed into her flowing blonde mane was fresh and lovely. Her pristine pink coat looked quite strokeable... not to mention the well rounded flank I’d glimpsed as she slipped into the chair across from me!

“Hey there, tall, handsome, and bipedal...” Lily’s voice smouldered and she bit her lip, coming on strong and making an excellent first impression that got Paul Junior jumping beneath his loincloth. “I saw on your questionnaire that you like to spitroast naughty little mares like me.”

“Sure, I’m down for a threeway now and then,” I admitted. To be honest, the mares of Equestria were so sexually demanding, that I welcomed the help! “Do you have another guy in mind?”

“I’ve only got eyes for you tonight, big boy,” Lily murmured, fluttering her eyelashes at me. “Pony stallions are such wimps, don’t you think? I’ve been searching for a strong, dominant male. Somecreature who’ll put me in my place and treat me like a piece of meat.”

“It has been a while since I was in charge in the bedroom,” I admitted. “Have you ever tried bondage?” Lily would look great on her back, I thought, her hind legs tied behind her head, her juicy holes helplessly spread open for my pleasure... and hers! “Back on Earth, I used to be pretty good with ropes and stuff.”

“Ooh, yeah, truss me up and stuff me, that’s the ticket!” Lily moaned excitedly and her eyes rolled back in her head.

“You can count on it, sweet thing,” I promised. “With a cutie like you, I don’t plan on stopping until I fill you to the brim.” This felt amazing! After all this time, a mare was actually taking the time to flirt with me! Despite the utter filth spewing from both our mouths, the mood was almost romantic!

“You’ve got me stewing in my own juices, stud.” Lily touched my wrist with one front hoof and slyly beckoned me forward with the other. “Come on, let’s ditch all these losers and go back to my place. I’m submissive and edible, and I’m all yours tonight.”

“Erm, you mean submissive and breedable, right?”

“Mmm, I can’t wait for you to sink those sharp ape teeth into my neck.” The earth pony practically fainted onto the table, her breath coming in sharp gasps, her eyes fixated on my slowly gaping jaws.

“Holy shit... why me?” I muttered to myself, trying to find any way out of this conversation as I realized exactly what this mare was after. I thought my other dates were way out there, but Lily was utterly INSANE!

“Your love bites will hurt so good, but I need more. I need to be inside you, satisfying your hunger.” Lily sensually drew a hoof across her throat with a slicing motion. “I just hope you’re not looking for a long term relationship!”

“Lily, you’ve got it all wrong!” I insisted. I looked around frantically, half expecting the pony police to burst in and arrest me. “Just because I’m not a wimp doesn’t mean I’m into that! I-I’m just looking for a normal girl who likes it when I slap her ass and talk dirty! A mare who’ll listen to me complain when I come home from work, who wants to spend quality time and raise our foals together!”

“WHAT?” Lily shrieked. “Get away from me, you pervert!”

“Paul, can I talk to you for a minute?”

“Sure, Fluttershy, what’s up?”

The beautiful pegasus sat on the other side of my table and brushed her mane away from her face. My heart skipped a beat: for a moment I dared to think that I’d caught her eye. But the disappointment in her voice came through.

“Um, I can’t help but notice that you’ve been turning down some very lovely mares.”

“Oh, do you mean the party girl who already has a boyfriend?” I snapped sarcastically. “Or the rich bitch who wants to lock up my dick? Or maybe the psycho who wants me to turn her into barbecue?”

Fluttershy clicked her tongue, as if my close call with Lily the would-be ponyburger hadn’t even happened. “I’m surprised to hear such kinkshaming from you. After all, there’s no wrong way to fantasize.”

“I think I just saw one wrong way!”

“You’ve got to be realistic, Paul. A stallion at your age can’t afford to be picky if he wants to get that collar. Now, what about Rainbow Dash? I thought you two really hit it off.” With the lift of a wing, Fluttershy consulted the survey cards that showed my dates’ opinions of me. “She gave you very high marks for ‘awesomeness’ and ‘cuminsidability,’ which isn’t even a word.”

“Are you serious? She just flew up and fucked me! She didn’t listen to anything I said! She got my name wrong!”

“You can always change her after you marry her. Face it, Paul, your clock is ticking. Tick tock, tick tock~”

“I’m only 22!”

Fluttershy frantically shooshed me with her wings. “Don’t advertise it! Please, I’m trying to help you. I hate to think of you ending up lonely and bitter.”

All around me, desirable mares sat and chatted with my fellow stallions, smiling and touching hooves. “What about all these other ladies?” I pointed at a blue unicorn wearing a mage’s hat, her head thrown back with laughter. “She seems nice, what about her? Eris is only giving me the weirdoes!”

Fluttershy frowned. “Paul, those other mares are eights and nines,” she told me. “You’re more like a five. Maybe a six if you smiled more. If you really can’t find somepony by the end of the night, then Eris and I will take you home, but you have to try. Please? Try for me?”

I sighed and played the only card I had in this dumb horse universe. “Can you let some of the eights and nines know that I like eating pussy?”

Fluttershy’s wings flapped out as she startled in her chair. “Oh, but why wait for the end of the night? We can take you home right now!”

“Please, just tell them?”

Fluttershy looked disappointed and her wings drooped. “OK. I’ll spread it around, quietly. But, um, there’s a spare key to my cottage hidden in the mailbox.” The yellow pegasus winked at me. “You just let yourself in anytime, you sexy human, you. Eris won’t mind... as long as she gets to watch.”

The blue unicorn wearing the mage’s hat sat before me with an expectant smile. This is more like it, I thought. She’s cute, she’s friendly, she’s magical. This is my future special somepony, I just know it!

“Trixie was intrigued by your blatant offer of oral sex,” the mare confessed. “The boldness of a mare, in the body of a stallion!” She glanced over my human figure. “Well, close enough.”

“Whoa, you’re Trixie?” I gasped. “As in ‘The Great and Powerful Trixie?’”

“None greater, or more powerful!”

“Didn’t you try to enslave Ponyville? Why aren’t you in jail?”

“Community service.” Trixie puffed up her chest floof. “The Helpful and Penitent Trixie is proud to say that she is 98% reformed!”

All of a sudden, my quest for a special somepony could wait: I had a more important task in mind. “I’m more interested in the other 2 percent,” I told Trixie.

The unicorn’s eyes flashed. “I see,” she murmured darkly. “You lust after the ‘bad mare’ type. Trixie thought she’d put her past behind her, but it seems the stallions can’t get enough. Be warned, human — the Naughty and Villainous Trixie has certain requirements, which must be met before she will frolic with the likes of you.”

“I’m listening,” I assured her.

“First, you will kiss Trixie’s pussy. As many stallions do, eagerly, all the time!”

I took Trixie’s hoof in my hands and gazed into her eyes. “I’d love to kiss your pretty pony pussy,” I promised, laying it on thick. “I’ll kiss it til it makes a mess all over my face.”

“Y-you will? I mean, of course you will! You tramp.” Trixie snatched her hoof away. “Hrmph. Second, you will always refer to Trixie as... ‘Trixie.’”

“Can do.”

“We’ll see. Finally, you will never try to tie Trixie down by asking for her collar!”

“I just want to talk to you. How did you take over Ponyville?”

“Thereby hangs a tale.” Trixie leaned in, overwhelming me with the smell of wine on her breath. “Why not spend the night in a certain caravan, eh? The Seductive and Bountiful Trixie will tell you every detail, as you feast between her thighs!”

“Lead the way...” I stroked her hoof again. “...Trixie.”

“Ooh, good colt.”

As I followed Trixie towards the exit, passing through a crowd of staring, whispering mares, I overheard the gossip machine Fluttershy had put into motion.

“They say he learned how in the Royal Guard...”

“I hear Cadance trained him personally.”

“I heard, where he comes from, they all do it!”

“Book me a ticket, right? Hahahah!”

I returned dozens of blushing, curious glances with the same naughty smile, encouraging the rumours to flow and spread. For once I didn’t mind the objectifying attention, as a dastardly scheme was slowly forming in my mind.

The only things these mares respected about me were my body and my willingness to pleasure them... yet they craved that male love and attention more than anything. At last, I was beginning to see how I could use this to my advantage. Even if my plan should fail, the worst that would happen would be some lameass attempt at “reforming” me. But I wouldn’t fail... I couldn’t! Yes, I’d show Equestria the true power of a stallion!

But first, it was time to snack on some magically delicious pussy, and get my rocks off with a stacked 9/10 unicorn hottie. Guys have needs, too, after all!

...turn evil and try to take over Equestria

“Gentlestallions,” I announced dramatically, “I’m sure you’re wondering why I’ve invited you here.” I walked slowly up and down the squeaking boards of the abandoned treehouse, looking over the elite squad I’d assembled: the special someponies of seven of Ponyville’s most prominent and powerful mares.

Big Mac raised a hoof. “Is there gonna be snacks?”

“Sugar Belle always brings us snacks,” Sunburst confirmed.

I patted a box of Royal Guard rations I’d ordered from the army surplus store in Canterlot. “Don’t think of these as snacks: think of them as sustenance for the hardship ahead.”

“Can’t say I like any o’ them big words,” Big Macintosh grumbled nervously.

The treehouse had once been home base for the Cutie Mark Crusaders, but it had been abandoned when the girls grew up and discovered that bullying stallions into sex was a lot more fun than helping foals find their cutie marks. It was quiet and isolated, tucked away deep within Sweet Apple Acres... the perfect place for a supervillain’s lair.

“I’ve brought you here because I need your help,” I told the stallions. “You see, I’ve discovered a way to get something every guy wants to have!”

“A bigger dong?” Cheese Sandwich proposed excitedly.

I groaned. “Come on, dude, you’re already huge!”

Cheese shrugged. “Could be bigger.”

“Better tastin’ apples?” Big Mac guessed.

“I think your sister’s made it real clear I don’t know nothin’ bout no apple farmin’.”

“Convincing Spoiled to try butt stuff?” asked Filthy Rich hopefully.

“No! Actually, maybe. I’m talking about equality, guys!”

“Starlight Glimmer already tried equality,” Big Mac objected. “Tried it on my wife. She didn’t cotton to it none.”

“Starlight wanted to make everypony the same, by taking away your cutie marks,” I explained. “I’m saying stallions and mares should have the same rights. Don’t you want to be able to go to school, and have your own bank account, and vote?”

“Mares can’t vote, either,” Mr. Cake told me. “We’re a feudal society ruled by a dysfunctional royal family.”

“The other things, then. Education, and money, and not having to wash the dishes every night. All we have to do is flex our power. I’m talking about a sex strike!”

“What’s a sex strike?” Sunburst asked. “Is it a cool new spell?”

“Sex Strike is position #515!” Spike explained. “You back up to get a running start, and—”

“No, I mean all of us stop having sex, until the mares of Equestria meet our demands!”

“No sex at all?” Big Mac gulped. “Not even with our wives?”

“It’s possible.” Mr. Cake, the stallion we all looked up to, spoke thoughtfully. “Sometimes Cup and I will skip a night, if I have a headache or I’m not in the mood. But what if I get horny?”

“I’m horny right now!” Hondo Flanks announced.

“If you get horny, you just jerk off.”

“That’s easy for you to say,” snorted Cheese Sandwich. “You’ve got hands!”

“Please, guys, it won’t take long. We all know how thirsty and desperate mares are. All we have to do is stay in this treehouse for a couple of days, and they’ll give us anything we want.”

“Oh, like sex!”

“No, Spike!”

“Won’t our special someponies just come up here and take us home?” Sunburst asked. His hooves shifted beneath his robe and he started breathing hard. “They’ll carry us to the bedroom... spank us for disobedience... yes, Starlight, I have been a bad little colt! I don’t deserve to have a cutie mark!”

“I’ve thought of that,” I reassured him. “No mare will dare to enter this treehouse while we have this sign on the door!” I held up a wooden sign I’d painted that said NO GIRLS ALLOWED.

Everypony gasped. Big Mac fainted. “No girls at all?” Filthy Rich cried out. “Not even our wives?”

“Guys, I’m tired of explaining this, just trust me, this will totally work. I got the idea from an old play on Earth.”

“Paul is right!” Mr. Cake put a hoof around my shoulder. “We’ve suffered for too long! We’ll start a new Equestria right here in this treehouse. For stallions, by stallions!”

“Break out the O&O books, boys!” Sunburst cheered.

After a few hours of exciting dice-rolling fantasy adventure, I heard the sound of hoofbeats and went outside the treehouse to advance my scheme to its next phase. Just as I’d predicted, Twilight had gotten my message and led a group of mares to the old Crusader treehouse, to parlay for the dongs we were denying them.

I waved at the group cheerfully. “Hi, girls! Missing something?”

“You little slut!” Trixie complained. “You seduced Trixie and stole the secrets of her almost-former villainy! After she allowed you to kiss her pussy!”

“Please, give us back our precious dragons!” Twilight begged me. Mrs. Cake firmly nudged her with a hoof. “And stallions!”

“We’re sorry if we somehow hurt your oversensitive feelings!” Starlight Glimmer wailed.

Cookie Crumbles backed her crotch against an apple tree and rubbed up and down vigorously. “We just want to suck your dicks again!”

“I haven’t fucked Cheese in 6 hours!” Pinkie Pie sobbed.

“I brought you healthy snacks!” Sugar Belle announced. With a flash of her horn, a large dish of apple slices, walnuts and celery appeared in our bunker. “Tell Big Mac he has to try some of everything! He can’t just fill up on apples!”

“You adorable mares make me sick!” I gloated. “Do you really think you can flaunt your amazing flanks and make us do whatever you want? Those days are over!”

Hondo rushed up and whispered in my ear. “Please, Paul, let me go down there and tap that, just once. You’ve fucked my wife, you know how fine she is.”

I gripped Rarity’s father by the withers and shook him. “Be strong, Hondo!”

“But, Paul! The ass was fat!”

Filthy Rich poked his head out of the treehouse. “Twilight, where’s Spoiled?” His voice quivered. “S-she didn’t come to take me back?”

“Oh, sorry, Filthy, but Spoiled had a spa appointment. In Manehattan. For a month. But she gave me this note to give you.” Twilight looked at a small piece of paper. “Wow, this just says ‘I’m a lesbian.’” Twilight tossed the note away as Filthy started to sob. “Geeze, Spoiled, read the room.”

A royal messenger galloped up to Twilight and hoofed her a scroll. “Paul, listen!” the princess announced cheerfully. “You’ll be excited to hear this. I’ve gotten an emergency petition through, and Celestia is offering to make major concessions.”

“Huh? Like what?” I asked.

Twilight read off of the scroll. “Stallions who resume giving regular dickings will be allowed to own property and enrol in universities. In return, mares will wash the dishes twice a week, and will be open to butt stuff. Not necessarily full penetration, but some kind of anal play.”

“I’ll talk it over with the guys.” I kept a poker face as I went back into the treehouse.

“This is an insult to our struggle,” I told the gathered stallions. “We can’t settle for less than total equality!”

“M-maybe we should take it, Paul,” Spike said, wringing his claws nervously. “It sounds like a good deal.”

Sunburst clapped his hooves together. “I could finally study magic at a real school!”

“I haven’t fucked Pinkie in 6 hours!” cried Cheese Sandwich.

“My wife already does butt stuff,” Mr. Cake mused. “We should hold out for washing up three times a week.”

“Nothing matters anymore...” Filthy Rich stared with a blank face at the clubhouse wall. “20 years, I’ve lived a lie...”

“Thanks for the feedback, guys.” I gave each of my boys a manly pat on the back. “I’ve got this.”

I poked my head over the treehouse railing and looked down at the frustrated mares below. “Yes, Paul?” Twilight wagged her tail excitedly.

“Forget about it!” I called down. “We want complete equality between stallions and mares. Make it happen, or you’ll never get to sex position #2000 with Spike!”

“No!” Twilight looked shocked. “That one looks really fun!”

“It’s up to you, your highness.”

“I didn’t want to do this, Paul.” Twilight shook her head sadly. “But you’ve left me without a choice. I’m sending in the Royal Guard, to rescue the stallions you’ve brainwashed and return them to their families!”

Suddenly a swarm of armoured pegasi flew out of the sky, headed right towards me. I screamed, jumped into the treehouse and slammed the door behind me. The pegasi rammed into the closed door and bounced off of each other, smashing snoot to plot as they spun off in all directions.

I peeked out the window and saw Bugle Call, my old commanding officer, hovering in midair with her hooves folded. “Having a little problem, ladies?”

“The sign!” squealed one Guardsmare, quivering in terror. “It says NO GIRLS ALLOWED!”

“We’re girls!”

“What if stallions are undressing in there?” cried another. “L-lewd!”

“I’ll show you what I think of that sign!” Bugle Call bellowed. The clubhouse door rattled from her vicious kicks and I heard the cracking of wood.

“Whoa, she really hates that sign...” one Guardsmare mused.

At last Bugle Call kicked the treehouse door wide open. “Now, get in there!” she ordered. With the triumphant sound of trumpets, the Royal Guard finally invaded our fortress of masculinity and ran right towards me.

“Oh my gosh!” one unicorn squeed. “It’s Paul!”

Instead of attacking me, a dozen tough, muscular mares pranced and flapped excitedly around me, beaming huge smiles. “Yay, Paul!”

“We love you!”

“Paul is the villain!” Bugle Call screamed. “Capture him!”

My old comrades gasped in dismay. “Oh, no!”

“We could never hurt a stallion!”

“Don’t think of him as a stallion!” Bugle Call insisted. “He’s an evil human corrupting the morals of upstanding Equestrian males!”

“No! Not snuggly Paul!”

“He would never!”

“We missed you so much, Paul!”

“Please, give me a kiss, right on the ‘you know what!’”

Suddenly a hoof came out of nowhere, punched me in the eye and dropped me on to my ass. Everypony gasped. I looked up from the floor to see the scowling face of Shining Armour, my former Royal Guard partner, standing over me.

“Stay down,” he whispered to me. “Please don’t make me hit you again.”

“You... why?” I cried. But even as I sobbed, I knew the answer. Only one thing could make a stallion betray his closest friend.

“The ass,” Shining stated simply. “It’s fat, Paul... fat beyond my wildest dreams.”

“I understand, old friend.” I reached my hand up to pat Shining’s cheek. “You did what you had to do.”

The Guardsmares all stared at us. “Are they g-going to k-kiss?”

“Don’t jinx it!” whispered Bugle Call.

Shining looked up and spoke to my stallion minions. “Who are you fooling, guys?” he asked them. “We can’t stop screwing our special someponies! Don’t you know we need it as much as they do?”

“It’s true!” Big Mac wailed.

“Have you forgotten how good it feels to slip your mare the D? That sense of accomplishment when your cock makes her squirt? The loving tenderness as she gently rubs your balls? The way she shares you with her slutty friend Sunbright who looks suspiciously like your sister in a wig?”

“Sunbright?” Twilight called out nervously from below. “N-never heard of her, why?”

“Just give it up! Come out of this dumb treehouse and go back to the mares who love you. Be a real stallion, and wear that collar with pride!”

“He’s got a point,” Mr. Cake admitted.

“It’s time for Cookie’s facial mask, anyways,” said Hondo Flanks.

“I’d love to help you fight for equality,” Cheese Sandwich told me, “but I just remembered: Pinkie’s out there, and my dick’s in here!”

“Sugar Belle don’t bake too good when she ain’t been fucked recent.” Big Mac sheepishly sidled towards the clubhouse door. “Can’t disappoint them customers!”

“This is going to get me one heck of a spanking...” Sunburst observed eagerly.

“Did you notice if Twilight was wearing her striped socks?” Spike asked me. “I’d better go and see for myself.”

The treehouse emptied in seconds, with each of my stallion friends finding some lame, horny excuse to abandon our cause. From below I heard the sounds of squealing and squishy humping as Sweet Apple Acres became the site of an improvised orgy.

“I’m still with you, Paul,” Filthy Rich assured me. “Now that Spoiled has left me, I—”

“He’s single, girls!” screamed one of the Guardsmares.

“Single and rich!”

“I saw him first!” Within seconds, half a dozen quarrelling pegasi cuties had grabbed hold of Filthy and carried his struggling body off into the trees.

Princess Cadance flew in through the treehouse door and landed on the wooden floor with a gentle thump, minding the swell of her belly. “Oh, sweetheart!” she whinnied. “I heard there was a little stallion slapfight! Is my precious prince hurt?”

“I’m OK, Cadance.” Shining Armour looked sadly down at me as I writhed in shame.

“Oh, Shiny, you’re all sweaty! Let me clean you up.” Cadance began to vigorously lick her husband clean, focused mainly on his butt crack.

I slowly got up off the wooden floor of the treehouse. “Aren’t you guys supposed to reform me now or something?” I asked.

“Yes, of course, Paul,” Cadance mumbled, slurping hungrily at her husband’s ponut. “I’ll get somepony right on that. Just as soon as I’ve finished praising my strong hero stud of a prince!”

I climbed dejectedly out of the treehouse, pressing my hand over my swollen and aching eye. All around me, horny male grunts came from behind the sturdy apple trees, and I heard squeals of pleasure as Royal Guardsmares joined in the fun, making every lovers’ reunion a sexy threeway.

“Thank you, Paul!” I heard Filthy Rich call out from the trees.

Twilight Sparkle lay on her back in the grass, with her butt up in the air and her legs kicking gleefully in their striped socks. Spike could be found hovering above her, frantically flapping his wings, dive bombing his barbed dick into her clasping cunt.

“Oh, heya, Paul,” Twilight waved at me. “I’m just going to tell Celestia that you agreed to her concessions. That’ll be better for everypony. Gosh, how exciting! I’ll finally be allowed to teach Spike calculus!”

“Whatever, Twilight,” I groaned. “You win. You always fucking win.”

“Of course I do!” Twilight grinned.

Author's Note

TBH, Paul probably should have actually read the play.

...or get picked up in bars.

In a quiet bar on the edge of Ponyville that evening, a lonely human sat crying and listening to sad jazz. Even after four Sweet Apple-tinis, I wasn’t drunk enough to stop the pain of being trapped in this unfair universe. At last I drank the last watery drops from my glass and picked out an ice cube to rub against my black eye.

“Hey,” I heard a mare’s quiet voice behind me, “I heard you had a real shit stain of a day.” I looked up from my glass to see Muffins “Derpy” Hooves, Ponyville’s mailmare, smiling at me.

“Welcome to the fucked up eye club.” She pointed to her own lazy eye. “Can I buy you a drink?”

“Why?” I grunted. “Because you want to take me home and screw me?”

“I sure do,” Derpy admitted, “but now’s not the right time. I know how it is on a day like this. Bartender, two vodkas.”

The barkeep pushed a glass of vodka towards Derpy, then she poured a second glass for me and garnished it with a pineapple slice, a gumdrop, a full can of cranberry juice and a paper umbrella. “Here you are, cutie,” she whispered with a wink.

I reluctantly reached for my adulterated drink, only to find that Derpy had noticed my disappointment and switched our glasses, pulling the fruity cocktail away from me and substituting the simple liquor the barkeep had poured for her. In an instant I caught Derpy’s eye, then looked away, ashamed at the gratitude I felt for this tiny gesture. I curled my hand around this understanding mare’s precious gift: a frigid glass filled with nothing but pure, manly, mind destroying alcohol.

“Cheers!” Derpy smiled. I clinked my glass against hers. She noisily slurped her sweet mixture and giggled, spitting out the paper umbrella.

“I think it’s really impressive what you did,” the grey pegasus told me with a friendly smile. “They say you’re the first male ever to turn villain. Nightmare Moon, Eris, Chrysalis, Trixie, Umbra, Tireque, Starlight, the Storm Queen, the Mare of Shadows, Cozy Glow... nopony thought stallions could be evil, until today. And thanks to you, Shining Armour is the first stallion to be a hero.”

I sipped my vodka slowly, savouring the burning sensation as it dribbled down my throat. “Shining Armour’s a sellout to the cause,” I snarled. “I hope he likes getting his ass rimmed out by his precious Princess of Love.”

“I’m sure he does.” Derpy breathed in sharply. “I love having my ass... ahem. Never mind.”

“Do you know what the worst thing is?” I hiccuped. “Shining’s completely pussywhipped, but he’s more of a man than I am.” Tears ran down my cheeks as I confessed my ultimate failure. “At least he hit me! I couldn’t even fight back. I-I know all those Guardsmares, Derpy. Damn me, but I love them! I could never hurt them.”

Derpy set a gentle hoof on my shoulder. “You were standing up for what you believe in,” she said soothingly, “and you refused to harm the ponies who got in your way. That makes you way better than most villains. And, hey, you’re still here. You had a really bad day, but it didn’t break you.”

I downed the rest of my vodka, hoping it would finish the job the Sweet Apple-tinis had begun. “So what was it for you?” I croaked, wiping my lips. “What was your shit stain of a day?”

“The day my husband left me.” Derpy sighed sadly. “He jumped into a magic blue box that took him to another universe, and he left me here to take care of the foal.”

I shook my head. “That’s terrible.”

Derpy opened her saddlebag and took out a photo of a unicorn filly who smiled awkwardly through a set of braces. “This is my little Dinky.” Her voice cracked. “I’ve been trying my best, but every day’s a struggle.”

“Aww, I’m so sorry, Derpy.”

“And now I wonder... was my husband like you? Maybe he wanted something stallions aren’t allowed to have, and Equestria wore him down til he couldn’t stand it anymore. But he should have talked to me, he shouldn’t have left. I don’t give one bit what a stallion’s allowed to have or supposed to be. All I know is, my little girl needs a daddy.”

“So now you go around bars looking for somepony to wear your collar?”

Derpy sniffled. “I’m past that, Paul. My husband wore my collar, it didn’t make him stay. I’m looking for real affection and companionship. Oh, and hot sex every night: that’s why I hit the bars.”

Despite myself, Derpy’s honesty had disarmed me and caught my attention. She was twice my age, but very pretty, and chubby in all the right places. She saw my interest and gently moved forward.

“I’m OK with something that’s just for tonight,” she told me. “But if you want a mare who’ll listen, and you don’t mind raising another guy’s daughter... maybe we could try for more?”

A normal life with a mare who wasn’t insanely sexist? I could even finally fulfill my dream of becoming a father. I picked the photograph up off of the bar top. Dinky looked like a sweet filly, someone I’d be proud to raise as my own. We could teach her new values based on equality and respect.

“What happens now?” I asked. “I’ve never been picked up in a bar before.”

“It’s simple as can be,” Derpy reassured me. “We go get a pizza, I show you my place, and then you fuck me til I can’t stand up.”

“Won’t your daughter hear us?”

Derpy laughed. It was a beautiful sound. A sound I wanted to hear for years to come. “Oh, don’t you worry about Dinky.”

“Tada!” Derpy pushed open the door with a hoof. “Home sweet home! Just put the pizza in the kitchen, Paul, and I’ll get out some plates.”

“Sure thing, Derpy.” I walked into the living room and suddenly stopped, stunned by pure beauty. Sitting on the couch, playing on a Neighstation, was an absolute knockout of a mare. Wholesome and radiant, she made Princess Cadance look like a chain smoking hooker. Light caught her perfectly shaped purple flank as she shifted on the couch. Her blonde mane swished back and forth lightly against her supermodel features as she breathed excitedly, intent on her game. Her hooves tapped rapidly on her controller with a gentleness and dexterity that made my cockhead brush against my loincloth in hopeful anticipation.

“Hey, sweetie~” Derpy called out as she hung up her coat.

“Are you the babysitter?” I asked the mare on the couch.

“No, silly, I’m Dinky!” The gorgeous unicorn smiled, showing perfect teeth. “You must be Paul. The human, right? Wow, Mom hit the jackpot tonight! I can’t wait to ride you!”

My knees knocked together and I dropped the pizza box to the ground. “But... I thought Dinky was...”

Dinky pouted. “Mom, are you still showing those old pictures around? I’m 19, for pony’s sake!”

“Oh gosh, I keep meaning to get new ones taken, but who can find the time?”

“Mom brings home a lot of stallions,” Dinky told me, “but I’ve got a good feeling about you.” The beautiful unicorn, barely younger than me, patted the cushion next to her and licked her lips. “You just let me know when you want me to start calling you ‘daddy...’”

My knees gave out and I fainted onto the couch. “Whoa, are you OK?” Dinky asked, but I couldn’t do any more than let out a moan of confused arousal. As my consciousness faded, I heard Dinky’s mother cry out: “It was going so well! I just don’t know what went wrong!”

But good stallions do... live happily ever after.

A few months later...

“Oh, Paul.” My fiancée’s tender voice awoke me out of a restful slumber. “I’m so sorry that it has to be this way. But this is Equestria, and you are an evil villain.”

It seemed the morning of my wedding day had a few surprises in store for me. I woke up in complete darkness with a bridle over my head, a blindfold covering my eyes and a wooden bit stuffed firmly between my teeth. The softness of silk ropes gently bound my hands and feet to the posters of Derpy’s bed, the site of many erotic adventures over the past months. My cock was painfully erect and covered with cold burning lubricant. A thick metal ring around the base squeezed my shaft and balls tightly, digging into my taint.

I made muffled protests only to feel Derpy’s firm, commanding hoof on my chest. “No, no, I know you’re not really evil,” she assured me. “I know there’s good deep inside you. I just have to bring it out with my love.”

Lately Derpy and I had been experimenting with bondage gear, a different piece every night. I assumed we would be saving the full package for our honeymoon, but she’d sprung them all on me, the very morning of our ceremony. We didn’t have time for this! But I couldn’t complain, or even struggle. All I could do was be a good stallion: passive, stiff, and ready to satisfy any mare who wanted a ride.

I heard a second voice beside me. “Mom, what’s going on?”

“Oh! Good morning, Dinky. I was just checking in on Paul before we get started. I had to tie him up last night. I couldn’t risk that he’d run off and try to conquer Equestria again.”

“I wanted to wish you good luck,” Dinky told her mother. “I know Twilight said you had to marry Paul to complete his reform, but I don’t care about that, I just want you to be happy. I hope you’re able to make him into a good, submissive husband.”

Derpy sighed sadly. “It’s worse than that, Dinky. I’m afraid I haven’t told you the real reason I have to marry this amazing, sexy human. Twilight says the only way he’ll give up his nonsense about stallion equality is... if we submit to him!”

“Us?” Dinky said with mock surprise. “You and me? Mom, please! Why me?”

I couldn’t help but smile. Convincing Derpy and Dinky to switch it up was the first real equality I’d found here. These two gorgeous mares were no strangers to the bridle and bit that now constrained me, nor to the gentle caress of the ropes that bound my limbs. How I loved to hear those muffled cries, as I took them both so forcefully... But Equestria was a deeply traditional place, and on my wedding day, it seemed there was only one way it could go for a stallion like me.

“This is for the good of Equestria, sweetie,” Derpy told her daughter. I felt her weight as she climbed onto my chest, and the wet lips of my lover’s pussy blossomed around the head of my cock. “If we can convince Paul that he owns us, mother and daughter, body and soul, Twilight thinks he’ll leave everypony else alone.”

Derpy slowly moved up and down on my tip, kissing and stroking my cock with heavenly wet velvet. I’ve never regretted dating an older mare. That muscle control just gets better with age. Her slow descent onto me was torture, but I fought the urge to thrust my hips upwards. I knew better: good stallions don’t try to take over the pace of the lovemaking. A mare always knows what’s best for her special somepony’s pleasure... except when she’s being his submissive little slut, of course.

Dinky couldn’t hide the smile in her voice as she protested teasingly. “But surely there must be some other way to save Equestria! Must we become this handsome human’s obedient pleasure toys?”

“I know it’s a sacrifice,” Derpy told her. “He’ll show no mercy, even with his own stepdaughter. He’ll wreck your hungry pussy with this mighty shaft. Every hole will be his... he’ll claim us brutally, force us to climax until — unnngh! — until we’re exhausted. But please, my darling... every time Paul makes you his squirting cocksleeve, think of thousands of happy couples, all around Equestria. By giving up your own dreams, you’re saving those couples from the evils of stallion equality.”

“Mom, I’m afraid!”

“So am I, sweetheart. Your stepfather’s an insatiable monster. Our only hope is to fuck him so hard that he drops his sinful attitude and realizes his rightful place — beneath me, beneath you, beneath any mare who wants this wonderful human cock!”

Derpy’s journey downward finally ended with my cock fully sheathed inside her and her clit winking against my pelvis. She lowered her head and tugged the bit out of my mouth with a giggle. I puckered my lips for a kiss, and my lover sweetly obliged. Our tongues danced as she gently flexed her lower muscles to stroke and massage my familiar length.

“Derpy, you’re so silly.”

“I hope you didn’t take that too seriously, Paul. It was just a little fun.”

“I love you,” I reassured her, “and I love Dinky, and all the kinky things we do together, but shouldn’t we be getting ready for the wedding?”

“Paul,” Derpy told me seriously, “This is the wedding.”

“Eh?”

“You’re doing very well, human,” came Celestia’s soothing voice.

“Celestia’s here?” I squeaked.

“Everypony who’s anypony is here, darling,” I heard Rarity say.

“Honey, can you t-take off the blindfold, please?” I asked. My dick tried to go soft, but Derpy’s cunt wouldn’t let that happen.

“Really? No blindfold?” I felt Derpy shrug. “Oh, what the hay. My parents got their traditional wedding last time.” I felt my fiancée’s teeth graze my cheek as she tugged off the largest piece of clothing I’d been given since arriving here in Equestria.

Derpy’s once private bedroom was filled with our neighbours, and a crowd of beautiful mares stretched back through the rest of her house. At the foot of our bed stood the four princesses in their royal finery. Around us I saw nearly every mare in Ponyville. A squad of my Royal Guard comrades stood at attention in the drawing room, crying into camouflage hoofkerchiefs.

“Is that why you married me?” Eris was asking Fluttershy. “To keep me reformed?”

Fluttershy dismissively patted her wife’s scaly arm. “Hush, dear, they’re just playing.”

“Everypony’s here to watch me claim you as my husband!” Derpy explained.

Pinkie Pie cartwheeled over the bed. “And then there’s gonna be cake!”

Derpy rotated her hips around my bound dick, rubbing the base of the heavy cock ring against my p-spot through my taint. “I know you’re not into collars, so I got you a ring instead.”

“Thanks, sweetie,” I moaned. “You’re so thoughtful.”

“I know this must seem like a lot,” Derpy told me, “but if you want to bring in something from human weddings, I’d love to make today special for you, too!”

“There is one thing,” I whispered longingly. “On Earth, when two humans are getting married, they make vows... promises to each other. I’ve always dreamed of that moment.”

“Of course, lover, anything.” Derpy leaned forward and kissed me again. “This is your day and you deserve to be happy. I’ll start, OK?”

Derpy cleared her throat, placed her front hooves on my chest and looked down at me, her thirsty cunt milking me even as she professed her love. “Paul, I promise to respect you, and listen to your concerns even if I think they’re silly. When we have problems, we’ll talk about them instead of trying to cover them up with sex. But we’ll also have lots of sex. I’ll even wash the dishes every other day, and you already know how much I love butt stuff.”

I couldn’t hold Derpy’s hooves with my hands bound to the bed, so I just looked deep in her eyes as I spoke my vows. “Derpy, you’re the one I’ve been looking for, and I’m not going to let you get away. All my love is yours. I promise to be a good father to Dinky—”

“And lover!” my new stepdaughter reminded me.

“And lover, even though that’s still really weird. I’ll worship your big fat bubble butt every day like it‘s Celestia’s sunrise. I’ll never take you for granted, and I swear by everything in Equestria that I will never walk out on you.”

Derpy beamed at me. “This feels nice, Paul. Thanks for showing me a little bit of your culture.”

Princess Celestia wiped away a glittering tear. “We have witnessed the birth of a new wedding tradition,” she declared. “Mare and stallion exchanging promises as they are joined before their community. Such true affection warms the royal heart... not to mention the royal nethers.”

“So, are we married now?” I asked Derpy.

“Not yet, lover.” Derpy ground her clit against my pelvis. “You still have to cum inside. The first drop you give me in front of these witnesses will officially make you my husband.”

“Yes, I’m ready, please, Derpy,” I promised her. “I’m so close, I want to be yours...”

“It’s not that simple, Paul. They say the longer the wedding sex lasts, the happier the marriage will be. And I want us to be very happy.”

So Derpy rode me: tenderly and gently, yet brutally, paying attention to my pleasure only so she could skilfully delay and deny it. All the while, Dinky knelt with her muzzle brushing my thighs and showed off her incredible talents when it came to teasing a set of human balls with her lips and tongue. Mother and daughter worked together to keep me on the edge of bachelorhood for as long as possible, ignoring my pleas and my desperate cries.

My consciousness faded in and out as the ride seemed to last for hours. I looked around for a sympathetic face, but all I saw was smiling mares who approved of my torment. Pinkie and Eris cheered and waved pennants with my face on them. Even the Cutie Mark Crusaders had soft smiles on their bratty faces as they reached back and rubbed themselves, dreaming of their own romantic bondage weddings.

Derpy’s breathing became laboured, and she clenched and dribbled her pleasure down my shaft, once, then twice. Finally she stopped bouncing her huge plot against my legs and leaned forward to kiss me again. I forgot my place and tried to thrust my hips, but Celestia herself snorted and held me down with her magic.

“Derpy, I can’t take it anymore!” I begged. “Please, make me yours! I’ll do anything!”

“I have a wedding present for you, Paul,” Derpy teased. “I’ve stopped taking my birth control. I’ll make you my husband if you make me a mommy again.”

I swelled past the point of no return. “B-but that’s not possible!” I moaned.

“Good stallions don’t question their wives.” Derpy gripped me, tighter and hotter and deeper than I’d ever felt before, and I came, shooting past her cervix and directly into her womb.

I thrashed in my bonds and moaned out in the greatest joy of my life as the ponies around me cheered, stomped their hooves and fired off party cannons. My mind was gone, my body reduced to nothing but a cock and the rushing river of cum pouring out of it. It was clear to all exactly where stallions like me belonged: helpless and pleasured beneath dominant and loving mares.

Through the haze of pleasure I felt a surge of love: the first kiss from Derpy as my wife. I pressed our lips together and allowed her powerful pony tongue to gently plunder my mouth. After taking a moment just for us, she looked over her shoulder at the four Princesses. “Cadance, did it work?” she asked.

Princess Cadance cast a spell that made my wife’s creamy, clenching insides transparent for all to see. “No, his dumb little swimmers just can’t figure it out — oh, I see the problem!” The horn of the Princess of Love shone with powerful magic. “A little genetic engineering, and... congratulations, you two!”

“Aww, new life! It’s so beautiful!” Rainbow Dash looked around sheepishly. “When it happens to somepony else, I mean.”

“We’re having a foal together, Paul! It’s really happening!” Derpy flung her hooves around my neck. The magic auras of a dozen unicorns gripped my cock through my wife’s transparent hindquarters, stroking and tickling it, congratulating me on my new fatherhood.

“Derpy, I’m so happy!” I cried, kissing her over and over. “This is my dream come true!”

“An end to thy tender necking, lovebirds!” Luna shouted. “By Equestrian law, thy honeymoon may not begin ’til all invited mares have been satisfied by the cock of honour!”

“Yeah, and we each get our own creamy ‘party favour!’” Pinkie Pie chimed in. “You better get those balls working overtime, Paul!”

I looked around at the crowd and gulped. Through the window I saw a tour bus pull up and dozens of drunk pegasi MILFs flap out. “Yay, my school friends made it!” Derpy cheered.

“Fear not, human!” Luna’s voice boomed. “Thou art surely equal to the task ahead. For so long as thou wearest that ring of holy matrimony, thy erection shall last forever!”

“Don’t worry, we’ll let you take it off...” Dinky whispered in my ear. “...Eventually.”

Derpy bowed to the four rulers of Equestria and offered them my unshrinking, sperm smeared cock. “Would your majesties like to go next?”

“We insist on going next, Mrs. Hooves,” Celestia declared firmly.

Derpy blushed. “Ooh, it’s been a while since somepony called me that. Gosh, I feel so lucky — I didn’t get any princesses at my first wedding!”

“We’re only looking out for your safety, Derpy.” Twilight smiled kindly. “As you said, we need to ensure your villainous husband is fully reformed.”

“Besides which, he hath yet to sample our fundaments,” Luna added.

“Luna!” Celestia pressed a scandalized hoof to her lips.

“Cease thy feigned innocence!” Luna snorted. “We werest all thinking it!”

“OK, maybe just a little...” Celestia admitted.

“Help yourself to the buffet, Princesses,” Derpy announced politely. “But just remember, this sexy human’s mouth is mine!” She slammed her heavy plot down onto my face. “That’s right, everypony!” she crowed. “My hubby goes downtown!”

Every mare in the room gasped at the shocking display, as Derpy and I publicly broke Equestria’s only sexual taboo. With one lucky sperm having done his job, I was happy to lick the rest of my creampie back out of my wife’s beautiful pony pussy. Cadance’s transparency spell was slowly fading, but I could still watch my own tongue probing and tickling Derpy’s most secret and sensitive spots, bringing her the pleasures I wanted to provide her throughout our marriage.

“Apple Bloom, cover yer eyes!” Applejack demanded. “Good stallions don’t do that ta their mares! It’s offensive ta the natural dignity of a male!”

“Then I don’t want a good stallion!” Apple Bloom stared at Derpy’s quivering flanks and the drool escaping my beautiful bride’s mouth as she heaved and panted on her way to another orgasm. “I want a stallion who ain’t got no dignity at all! A slutty, degenerate stallion like Paul!”

“A stallion like Paul?” Applejack weeped. “A stallion who does that? Dagnabbit, Apple Bloom! Where did I go wrong?”

Epilogue: One year later...

Naughty Stallions Do... written by Yellowflight! :yay:

The treehouse full of Ponyville’s cutest stallions became silent as Paul the human laid out his campaign for stallion equality — a plan that would require all males present to do without the love and plots of their special someponies. For hours! Maybe even days! It was a hard pill to swallow, and lips began to quiver all around as these hotheaded, emotional stallions came muzzle to muzzle with the hard facts of what it would take to upset the right and natural order of Equestria.

“B-but we need our mares!” whimpered Filthy Rich, the soft and pampered househusband. “They’ve got the pussies!”

“Don’t forget the blowjobs!” added Spike the exotic dragon twink. Blowjobs indeed! Spike was so cute with his sad little eyes, any girl who saw him would just want to hug him and suck his dick!

“No, guys, you see...” The hot, yet villainous human gently cradled Mr. Cake’s muzzle with his sinfully weird hands. “We don’t need mares at all, because we can be the mares. That’s my plan! We’ll stay in this treehouse and be each others’ mares, for as long as it takes to get the rest of Equestria to see reason.” Then, without another word being spoken, Paul’s soft human lips brushed against the older stallion’s, making his hooves quake mightily. “Mr. Cake, will you be my mare tonight? For equality?”

Not surprisingly, there were no stallions present who objected to this horniest of suggestions! Every guy secretly longs to kiss and pet with other males, and they all knew a treehouse slumber party was the perfect place for playful experimentation. But little did Paul know that he had begun his quest for equality with a very naughty “mare” indeed! Oh, many a time Mr. Cake had picked up some svelte femcolt, bringing him home to share a bed with his enthusiastic wife. Yet even this experienced stallion couldn’t resist the tender firmness of Paul’s kiss and the unique feelings gifted by the human’s hands.

“Oh, yes, Paul,” the older stallion murmured. “Make me your mare... teach me everything!” All thoughts of a husband’s duty to his wife, or of a father’s to his foals, faded into nothingness beneath the firm press of the human’s lips. Yet if Mrs. Cake had been around to see Paul conquer her husband, she would have surely said that the sight of that homewrecking kiss was worth it!

“Oh, gosh... oh, golly...” Fluttershy gently lifted her hoof up off her typewriter and let it lower to the place where it would do the most good. Her throbbing clit felt so good beneath her frog and she rubbed herself for a few seconds, clenching her thighs, reading and rereading the steamy kiss and naughty dialogue she’d just written. Sated, or perhaps merely teased, the pervy pansexual pegasus resumed her evening of work at her keyboard.

“Mmm, what a delicious morsel,” Paul flattered. He slowly kissed down Mr. Cake’s spine and stroked his trim plot, tickling the dock, lifting the already flagging tail, and insistently parting the baker’s buns to peek at the throbbing pucker between. The naughty human licked his lips to see the older male’s gently winking ponut. “Don’t worry, Mr. Cake,” he assured, “I love eating pussy... and that includes stallion pussy.”

“Oooh, that’s spicy.” Fluttershy wiggled her plot in her cushioned chair and gently stroked her teats with her wings even as her hooves continued to pound out her raunchy, utterly inaccurate story. “‘Stallion pussy...’ you’re spitting fire tonight, Flutters!”

Gosh, it was so much fun to take Ponyville’s hottest stallions and make them act so very dirty! As far as Fluttershy was concerned, these revolutionaries were naughty, disobedient boys who deserved nothing less than the very lewdest treatment!

Ever since that fateful showdown between Paul and Twilight in the CMC’s old treehouse, it seemed that stallions just didn’t know their place anymore. Sunburst was off in Canterlot studying magic, far away from his marefriend, and Spike was actually teaching at the School of Friendship! Cheese Sandwich had begun throwing parties just for stallions, rowdy events that offered hoofball, O&O and other silly male pursuits. Now that their foals were old enough for school, Mr. Cake was even working at Sugarcube Corner alongside his wife, wearing the skimpiest waiter outfit you ever saw! What was Equestria coming to?

Fortunately, many stallions still seemed to prefer the traditional role of the husband and father. Fluttershy hadn’t even seen Paul out and about since his and Derpy’s colt was born. He was too busy staying at home, indulging the paternal caregiving instinct!

How ironic, Fluttershy thought, that the guy who’d caused all of this trouble and upheaval only wanted what every stallion most desires: a precious foal to coo over and call his own. Of course, in the perverted mind of the scandalous smut author “Yellowflight,” Paul the human wanted something quite different...

After that irresistible tease, Paul’s lips moved to his next conquest, the fun loving party planner known as Cheese Sandwich. In real life, Cheese was totally faithful to his wife and he would never do anything like this. I don’t know how you keep finding my clop stash, Pinkie, but privacy is a thing, OK?

Anyways, here in my PRIVATE FANTASY, Cheese Sandwich felt his convictions shaken by the hot gay kiss of his gay human lover. Yet even as he tumbled into unrestrained coltcuddling lust, he had one innocent question about the life he was leaving behind:

“W-Will I still love my Pinkie? Once you make me your mare?”

“Of course you’ll still love Pinkie,” Paul assured him gently, “but you’ll never be satisfied by anypony but me.” At that, Cheese’s big, heavy shaft (I’m allowed to LOOK, Pinkie, so shut up!) began to unsheath and firm up, proving that he secretly longed to become a mareish receptacle for one perfectly shaped human dick!

Fluttershy took another brief break and fanned herself with her wings. “Oh, my, Eris,” she whispered. “H-he’s so strangely dominant, and his body’s so weird. Do you think he’ll ever use that key we keep in the mailbox?”

Eris looked up from her jigsaw puzzle. “Oh, of course, Fluttershy! Any day now! Errrm... who are we talking about, again?”

“Special delivery!” Suddenly the happy couple heard the rap of a hoof on their front door, and the cheerful voice of Derpy Hooves from outside.

“Ooh, I bet it’s that new vibrator! Family fun night tonight!” Fluttershy flung open the door and greeted Ponyville’s mailmare, who unfortunately held nothing in her saddlebag but a single large grey envelope. Fluttershy pouted and looked over the other pegasus disapprovingly. A month after returning to her physically intensive delivery route, the new mother had shed most of her pregnancy weight, but she was still chubby, middle aged and... just derpy, really. How had she landed that hunky human? There was something a little bit gross about their relationship, if you asked Fluttershy... like all those sitcoms where an old nag of a mare has some cute young piece of eye candy cooking her dinner!

Derpy pulled out the large envelope using her teeth and presented it to Fluttershy. It was undeniably impressive, edged with gold leaf and sealed with yellow wax. “Wow!” Fluttershy burst out. “Has Cadance finally appointed me to the post of Shipmaster General?”

“Even better! It’s an invitation to my anniversary party!”

“Yay!” Fluttershy enthusiastically embraced Derpy with her wings, holding the other mare tight. All her grumbling about Derpy’s relationship was forgotten. Thoughts of true love lifted Fluttershy’s cynical and clop obsessed heart, just as as they did any other pony.

“It’s nothing fancy like our wedding,” Derpy explained, “just a simple, intimate celebration with a few good friends.” Wax and ribbons flew through the air as Fluttershy ripped open the fancy envelope with the force of a hurricane, squeeing all the time. At last she held the engraved invitation in her wings and read it out loud.

“First anniversary celebration... and public breeding? How wonderful, you’re trying for another foal!”

“I don’t think we’ll need to try more than once,” Derpy chuckled. “But it’d mean so much to me and my husband, if you and Eris were there for the moment of conception.”

“What an honour! But will Paul... at the party... I mean, will we get to...” Fluttershy blushed as she tried to formulate the utterly inappropriate question that leapt to her lips. The yellow pegasus might be a romantic, but filthy, stallion borrowing sex was never far from her mind — especially where Paul was concerned!

Derpy chuckled. “Oh, of course. Everypony asks that. We’ve found a sitter for the foal, so Paul will be free to pleasure us mares, all night long.” The older mare winked at her kinky friend. “I’ll even tie him up again for you, if you like...”

“Oh, I’d prefer to feel his hands this time! I-if that’s all right with you, of course.”

“Hrm? Hands?” asked Eris, momentarily looking up from her table, where she was trying to force two puzzle pieces together. “Is the vibrator here?”

“Not now, sweetie!” Fluttershy shooshed her wife.

“And don’t you fret if Paul should happen to cum inside you,” Derpy promised her fellow pegasus. “In fact, you should feel free to enjoy him as many times as you want. After all, I plan to be good and pregnant by the time you get to him.”

“I can’t thank you enough, Derpy!” The quietly perverted Fluttershy had banged every sapient race known to ponykind, and humans were definitely in her top 5! She couldn’t wait to relive that magical afternoon a year ago, feeling that cute, stiff human dick slip into her soft and yielding marehood...

“Thank you, Fluttershy.” Derpy winked saucily at the younger mare. “Paul thinks you’ve got a real snapper down there, and I need all the help I can get if I want to tame my stud.”

“Ooh, inspiration!” Fluttershy slammed the cottage door shut and practically flew back to her typewriter, as well as literally flying there.

Paul’s coltstealing hands next turned to the finely sculpted glutes of Hondo Flanks, gently urging the DILF to unsheath his mighty package. The stallion’s strenuous exercise routine was meant to showcase his shapely behind solely for the delight of his devoted wife, but here was the human, claiming that big juicy daddy donk all for himself! Eeyup, Paul was nothing but a lowdown pony rustler, right out of the tales of old Earth!

“What a stud you are...” Paul murmured into Hondo’s helpless, twitching ear. “A wild mustang in need of a most severe taming.”

“P-please, Paul,” Rarity’s hot dad insisted. “I only like mares! Especially yellow pegasi who are friends with my weird daughter!”

“Oh, nonsense.” Paul’s corrupting lips moved irresistibly to the older male’s, beginning a kiss that Hondo already hoped would never end. “Once I’m done stretching out that snapper you’ve got down between your cheeks, you’ll never long for the touch of a mare again...”

Just as Fluttershy’s scene (and Fluttershy herself) approached a climax, Pinkie Pie’s head suddenly popped through the cottage window. “Hey, whatcha writing, Flutters?” the nosy earth pony squealed. “Can I see?”

“EEEP!” In an instant, Fluttershy crumpled up her paper, hid her “reference photos” of Cheese Sandwich and set fire to her typewriter. “G-GET OUT OF HERE, PINKIE!”

Author's Note

Thanks for reading!