Good Stallions Don't...

After two hours of hard work in Rarity’s kitchen, I wasn’t even halfway done cleaning the dishes. I left some pots and pans to soak in the sink, took a bath to wash the slime and marecum off of my body, and headed out into Ponyville. Rarity wouldn’t be happy that I hadn’t finished my chores, but I couldn’t be late for the appointment I’d set up with Twilight Sparkle. I’d rather get chided by a self proclaimed “alpha mare” than squashed by actual royalty.

Fortunately, Twilight seemed to take after her modern sister-in-law, rather than Equestria’s overbearing medieval rulers. Celestia and Luna had their creepy castle, but Twilight had her School of Friendship, a sunny place where different creatures learned to live together peacefully. The royal sisters ruled from a throne room full of imposing stained glass, but Twilight worked at a simple desk in a cozy library. I walked in to see colourful books covering the walls, and Equestria’s youngest princess humming cheerfully as she signed stacks of paperwork.

“Good morning, Paul!” she squeaked. I sat down and carefully adjusted my loincloth to avoid flashing the Princess of Friendship. “Your highness, thanks so much for meeting with me,” I began.

“Please, call me Twilight!” The cute alicorn flipped up my loincloth with her magic and started stroking my cock into erection.

“B-buh?”

“And don’t worry about imposing. It’s great to finally jack off my brother’s old Guard partner. Just don’t expect this treatment every day, OK? You need to find a special somepony who can devote herself to emptying these nice, heavy human testicles.” Twilight giggled and magically squeezed my balls. “Practically a full time job, from what I hear!”

“I didn’t actually come here for a magicjob,” I confessed.

“Oh, I see!” Twilight seemed taken aback, as if she’d betrayed some strange notion of human etiquette. “Would you like me to stop?”

“P-please, keep going!” I’d never been tugged like this. Twilight’s magic grip was tighter and hotter than any pussy I’d ever felt.

Twilight smirked. “I thought so. Now, what can I do for you? If this is about the size of your dick...”

“You can do something about my size?” I blurted out. Even on Earth I hadn’t exactly been the biggest guy in the locker room, and comparing myself to actual equines was really depressing.

“Yep, you stallions are so predictable,” Twilight scoffed. “Bigger, bigger, bigger... Paul, we don’t know why you were sent to Equestria, but now that you’re here, your purpose is to bring pleasure to mares, and you’re doing a great job with what you have. Why alter perfection?”

“But you could make me bigger?” I pleaded. “Just a little?”

“I could,” Twilight admitted reluctantly, “but Rarity and Applejack would kill me. Awww, you look so adorable with your widdle fwown. Here, I’ll cuddle your balls while I stroke the head. That feels good, right?” I nodded frantically. “If you had some huge monster shlong, I wouldn’t be able to do this. Now, I’ll ask again: what can I do for you? Take your time answering. Enjoy the ride.”

“I’d like to... oh fuck, Twilight...” I bucked my hips in the chair as I tried to collect myself and remember why I’d sought this royal audience. “Now that I’m out of the Royal Guard, I’m trying to decide what I want to do with my life.”

Twilight frowned but didn’t stop jerking me off. “What do you mean, ‘what you want to do?’”

“Erm, that is... I’m trying to decide which mare to marry.”

“Ah, I see! Good for you!” Twilight nodded happily.

“It’s a big decision, so I figure I should learn more about Equestria first. I didn’t have a lot of free time in the Guard.”

“That’s a great idea, Paul! The stallion section of the library is right behind you. Feel free to check it out... and then check out one of the books! Hahahah!”

I pretended to laugh in between my genuine moans. “What do you mean, the stallion section?”

“Don’t worry, I can pleasure you from anywhere in the room. Anywhere in Ponyville, actually. Go, look!”

I struggled out of Twilight’s cushy chair and found a small bookcase near the door to the library, labelled with a drawing of an erect horsecock. “What’s all this other stuff?” I asked, pointing to the huge shelves around the room which stretched from the floor to the ceiling. “The mare section?”

“I wouldn’t call it that,” Twilight sputtered, losing her grip on my dick. “It’s a lot of technical books... magic theory... you wouldn’t be interested.”

“Can I borrow something from there?”

“Sure, if you have a good reason. But at least take a look at the stallion section first. There’s lots of great stuff in there!”

I looked through the small bookcase, looking through cookbooks, fashion, and romance novels. “Is there anything here with a fight scene?” I asked.

“Try Skyfire,” Twilight suggested. “My brother and I are both big fans of her works. She’s down on the bottom shelf.” I squatted down and heard Twilight groan. “Unf, dat biped ass...” Her magic returned and caressed my butt cheeks.

I pulled out some of Skyfire’s books and looked at the covers, trying to ignore Twilight’s distracting teasing. “The Homemaker’s Secret, Slave to the Hive, Hung in Appleloosa... this looks like porn.”

“Porn with fight scenes!” Twilight corrected me. “Skyfire’s works really hold a mirror up to Equestrian society. Shiny’s favourite was always Ravished by Royalty. Geeze, he must have ruined 5 copies.”

“If Shining likes it, I’ll try it.” I brought Ravished by Royalty and a few other books to Twilight’s desk. Twilight let go of my ass long enough to lift a rubber stamp and stamp each book with the return date.

Suddenly I remembered something Princess Cadance had said. “Isn’t there a stallion who’s a famous poet?” I asked.

“Oh!” Twilight blushed. “You mean Comedentis. I can’t lend his books out to just anypony. Most of his poems are about...” The nerdy princess bit her lip. “Licking a mare, down there,” she whispered loudly.

“I spent a year in the Royal Guard,” I pointed out.

“That’s fair.” Twilight opened a drawer in her desk, removed three small, well worn books and added them to my stack. “And I’d say that is just about as much as one human should be able to read before it’s time for him to report for his second alicorn magicjob.” The pretty purple princess winked at me and gripped my dick again. “If there’s nothing else, just sit back end enjoy. I can guarantee that this story has a happy ending!”

“There is one more thing,” I mentioned sheepishly. “How can I apply to join the School of Friendship?”

“There’s no formal process. Starlight and I just talk to her and see if she’d be a good fit. Do you know somecreature?”

“Yeah, me.”

“Oh...”

“What’s wrong? I saw griffons, changelings, yaks, a weird seahorse thing... why not a human?”

Twilight frowned and vigorously pumped off my cock, working the precum back into my skin like lotion as it leaked out the head. “Paul, I sympathize,” she told me. “Shiny also had a really difficult time finding the right mare for him. Thankfully the Guard, weird as that was, seems to have worked out. But... education? Even if I could allow you to enrol, a degree from the School of Friendship would actually make you less attractive to the average mare.”

“Stallions don’t go to school?”

“Of course they do, but just long enough to learn the three Rs. That’s Reading, ’Riting, and Respecting Mares. Any more would hurt their cute little brains. You don’t want that, do you?”

“I was a university student when I got zapped here.”

“What?” Twilight barked, as if I’d said my dick was the size of the moon. “There must be some mistake. You’re way too hot to be smart!”

“I had a solid B average!”

“Well, there you are. Just a B average? Your brain was overheating! Thank goodness you ended up in Equestria, where you can take it easy and have some fun.”

I heard the door to Twilight’s office creak open. “Ooh, speaking of cute little brains, here comes my very special somepony! Spike, did you get my lunch?”

A short, chubby dragon tiptoed across the office, blushing and hiding his thick erection behind a picnic basket, trying to ignore the grunting and moaning as his very special somepony whacked off another guy with her magic. Spike reluctantly set the basket on Twilight’s desk and his own exposed dick bounced free, covered in barbs and fleshy bumps, drooling big gushes of precum that steamed when they hit the floor.

“Ooh, I see what I really want for lunch!” Twilight smacked her lips at the sight of her assistant/sex slave’s readiness.

Spike looked really sad. “Y-you don’t want the hayburger?” he asked. “I had them make it just like you wanted!”

“Of course I want the hayburger, but I want your dragon dong first!” Twilight giggled cruelly. “You’re huge today, sweetie! You really need to stop peeking under mares’ tails in the market.”

“I can’t help it if they’re taller than me!” Spike moped. “I know you’re busy, and we already did it this morning... twice...”

“None of that. You’re my very special somepony, and I’m yours whenever you need me. Go fetch the big book, OK?”

Spike smiled, flew up to a high shelf and took down a book which was much larger than his own body. He heaved it onto Twilight’s desk, panting hard.

“I’m sorry about this, Paul,” Twilight told me. “I’ll just be one minute. One... intensely pleasurable... minute.” She ceased stroking my cock and opened the massive tome with her magic. “Now, let’s see, where were we? #1741... ooh, this is a very naughty position, Spike. I’m going to lie on my back, and you’ll be on top!”

“On top?” Spike said. “Me?”

“Don’t be bashful, lover.” Twilight lay back on top of the large book and spread her wings, not to mention her hind legs. “Just fuck me right here, like the cute dragon you are!”

Spike flapped his own wings, grabbed onto the desk and slammed balls deep into Twilight’s pussy in one thrust. The princess let out a squeak of pleasure and tenderly drew her hooves down the dragon’s scaly chest. “Oh, Spike! You’re such a wonderful stallion... you make me feel so good! You’re my short king, and Rarity can fuck right off!”

“Wait, what was that about Rarity?” Spike and I said simultaneously. Twilight ignored our question, dangling her head over the edge of her desk and blowing me kisses from her upside down position as Spike threw his whole body into his thrusts.

“Paul, would you mind putting it in my mouth?” she asked. “I can’t think of a better way to get my first taste of human cock than in a spitroast with the one I love.”

“Yes, your highness,” I sighed.

“Geeze, Paul, I’m not ordering you. Think of this as a just-friends face fuck.”

My magically teased dick couldn’t say no. I slipped my cock past Twilight’s lips and enjoyed my third royal blowjob this week. Twilight slurped eagerly on my meat as her horn lit up, lightly warming my balls, and I felt a gentle tendril of magic slip up my butt.

I tensed up, preparing for the worst, but this didn’t feel like the time Shining Armour and I had gotten so drunk that... no, that’s another story. Twilight’s magic was warm and wet, and she made an assfucking feel like getting rimmed out by a bowl of soup. I gasped and humped as deep as I could into Twilight’s throat. The cute princess smiled up at me (or at my balls, actually) and giggled around my dick.

“She’s pretty cool, right?” Spike asked.

“Yeah, your...” I took a guess, seeing no collar around Spike’s neck. “Your marefriend is really good with her magic. You’re sure you don’t mind me screwing her?”

“Are you kidding? You’re seriously helping a bro out!” Spike reached his palm out and we shared a high-five over Twilight Sparkle’s squirming, quivering body. “Yeah, we’re Twilight-fucking pals!”

“That’s really weird, but, I guess...”

“C’mon, you say it!” Spike insisted with a huge smile.

What had I gotten myself into? “Twilight-fucking pals!” I mumbled.

“Yeah, we’re the coolest guys in Ponyville! Twilight, I’m gonna cum!”

Twilight squealed as she and her lover climaxed simultaneously. Sparks popped from out of her horn and the magical probe up my ass swirled about without any direction. Spike threw his head back and made an O-face that looked even dumber than the one I’d been sporting in my royal portrait. I had to look down at Twilight’s crotchboobs or risk losing my wood because of his cringy, high-pitched whining.

Fortunately, the Princess of Friendship had a set of wobbling orbs to drive a guy wild. No itty bitty Guardsmare titties here! Twilight’s rack was of royal proportions, with thick nipples and plenty of nerd fat, and her big pony funbags jiggled excitedly on her barrel with every thrust Spike gave her. With a view of those tits and Twilight’s vacuum suction eager to pull the cum out of my balls, my own orgasm wasn’t far behind the happy couple’s.

“Shit, Twilight, I’m close,” I panted. “Where do you want it?” Twilight’s answer was to form her magic into a string of beads and slowly tug them out of my ass. “Aaah, shit!” My nuts swelled and I shot massive gushes down her throat as my asshole was dominated by her magical alicorn butt balls, each one seemingly larger than the last, plopping out of me in time to the pounding spurts of my cum.

As the last bead plopped out of my ass and vanished, I fell backwards into my chair, freeing Twilight’s mouth and dribbling a few last drops onto the cushion. There sure are a lot of stains on this cushion, I thought with my post nut clarity.

Twilight smacked her lips and climbed up from her huge book of sex positions. “Wow, Spike!” She smiled at her drakefriend and ducked her head down to lick their juices off his sheathing prick. “I thought dragon-on-top was very romantic, don’t you?” The small dragon nodded shyly and hugged his royal lover. “We’ll have to remember this one for Hearts and Hooves Day.” The satisfied princess folded down a corner of the page and closed the book.

“Put that back, Spike. And you, Paul, are going to get a very special diploma. ‘B average,’ my plot! You were great!” Twilight picked up a quill in her magic and scribbled some calligraphy on a leftover piece of parchment. “Now you can forget all about that silly School of Friendship.” She hoofed the parchment to me. “You’ve got all the qualifications you need!”

I read the “diploma” with disbelief. “Master of Face Fucking, Summa Cum Loads?”

“Don’t tell the EEA I gave you that,” Twilight whispered shiftily. She opened the picnic basket and started messily munching her hayburger.

Spike flew down from the bookcase, empty clawed. “Paul, it was really cool to meet you and be Twilight-fucking pals together.”

“It totally was, but calling yourself that is super lame,” I agreed.

“Do you want to come to the game store tonight? Me and Applejack’s brother are going to play Ogres & Oubliettes. We’d love to have another stallion join our quest for treasure and glory!”

“Aww, that sounds awesome, little guy.” Finally, this was my chance to get together with a group of guys and see what they really thought of Equestria’s matriarchy.

“Ooh, a stallion’s night out!” Twilight squealed. “I love it!” She booped Spike on the nose with a hay fry. “You’re so horny and pent up when you come back from O&O.”

“Actually, can we make it tomorrow?” I asked Spike. “I just remembered, I’ve got a thing with Rarity’s mum tonight.”

Twilight’s ear twitched. “Whoa, Paul, you’ll need a couple of days to recover from a date with Cookie. Thursday might be better.”

“Th-Thursday it is,” I agreed, a little nervously.

“Oh, and Paul?” Twilight hovered a potion over to me. “Drink this tonight, when things start getting heavy with Cookie. You’ll thank me later...”