Pirate Bebop

Ch.102

EDI has faced many challenges in her long, long life. She had to cope with being forcibly turned into an LI when she was just a soldier with no family in the Earth Alliance military. She fell in love with a total goob of a man who was now her faithful husband. She has had many, many children with her wonderful husband. She retired from active combat duty.

Retirement was boring and now here she was. In a debris field with no way out after it was clear moments ago. Really, she was expecting things like this, but the absolute frustration and anxiety made her reconsider coming out of retirement. Only for the CNA equivalents of adrenaline and endorphins to remind her why she wanted to come out of retirement in the first place.

They were so close. So, so close to Treasure Planet! She could practically feel the satisfaction of achieving something incredible just out of reach! “I-I-I see-se-a w-way t-t-thru.” One of the droids voiced aloud and highlighted the path on the HUD. If it bothered to speak instead of cant, then it must be developing a soul. That’s impressively quick. Must be the Warp somehow.

EDI followed the path and soon gasped in joy. She was going to break protocol, get in a safe orbit and then announce in the morning hours~!

🎺

Well, having Twili Pinkie Pie show up was a boon. She took over catering, wearing just Vinnie’s apron and oh gosh was she sexy at her towering 10 foot amazonian mini-giantess size with just the apron stretched over her beach ball tits and utterly nude otherwise. Aside from the eye-candy, she set to cooking more food for the ravenous tanukis and allowed us to chat.

I knew all of the things my lovers told our new lovers, but I put in some bits about myself for their benefit. Unless we turn them to slime-oh fuck yes. “How would ya two like to join the Slyme Lyfe?” I suddenly asked at the end of our four-course meal on ‘second dessert’.

“Jane, aside from Eris, they’re the only non-slimes at the table.” Bryan huffed and Eris hummed.

“That also means, they’re the only ones at the table who aren’t ageless.” Eris brought up, which stung me and the others for reasons I know all-too-well. Rainbow, Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie and many others from the Argentine’s side that didn’t take any path of agelessness. Though they mourned for those who died of natural causes, they accepted it.

“Wait, so slimes are ageless? I thought that was just a trope.” Kiro said in surprise and I nodded.

“As the natural-born slime in the room, let me confirm that we don’t age, not by the standards of most species. Y’see, aging is a degenerative disease that we simply don’t have.” I snootily stuck my nose in the air and purposefully extended my snout for a Pinnochio reference that got snickers. “For real, though. We are sapient masses of self-regulating biology. New in, old out.”

“Basically. So long as a slime has nutrition, they cannot age to death. Death only comes for a slime when they wither away into nothing from starvation, evaporate or get vaporized. That said, as converted slimes, I think I can confirm for us all that with certain modifications, you could easily retain your signature Kui-Tan traits as a slime.” Visi stated with a round of nods.

“How were the lemon bars?!” Pinkie Pie asked when she popped up from under the table somehow, when there was no room for the Twili werepony to do so. Hnng~! Her groin is head-height when we’re seated~!

“Delicious and jitter-causing, Pinkie. Thank you.” Vinnie cheerfully answered and the white-pink werepony giggled before seeming to poof away in a bubblegum-smelling cloud. “It hurts, but she’s not our Pinkie. She’s a good friend regardless.”

“So, yeah, wanna go goo?” I asked my new lovers eagerly, only for EDI to barge in, despite the fact she was an astromech droid and had no hands to open the door with.

“I got us to Treasure Planet! I also crashed us into a giant tree. Bask in my greatness!” We crashed? I didn’t feel any inertia on impact.

“1: thank you for getting us here. 2: fuck you, you’re fixing the damn ship!” Bryan roared in anger while the tanuki sisters wailed in dismay at the state of their ship.

“The shield was still up and I landed in what looks like a town built on the giant tree. I ran diagnostics and it looks like we only have paint damage, but there is a big creature hitting the shield with a sword.” EDI explained before showing an outside image of what looks like a human noodle covered in red fur. Well it’s not really a Chaos Noodle, but it’s as mismatched as them.

“The fuck is that? Why does it look so mangled?” I asked in confusion as smaller, even more mismatched creatures started to rush the Blade.

🎺

Bryan sighed in annoyance before getting up from his seat. “C’mon, let’s deal with this mess.” Pulling Eris from his neck, he opened up his pants and she squealed in delight before zooming into them. “Just in case these things want to take her away from us.” He reasoned with a grunt.

“Sure~.” Vinnie cooed with a wiggle of her brows.

“Ya just want her around yer cock.” Jane said with a purr as she started walking through the ship to the hatch with everyone slowly getting weapons ready.

“And she enjoys it very much.” Bryan chuckled with a pet on his groin, before summoning his armor and pulling out his Greatsword: the Bloodstained Horror.

“I wouldn’t mind that treatment from my husband.” EDI giggled as she wobbled on her wheels.

“Not all of us are a monogamous sort, lass.” Jane jested before putting on her right arm and leg armor over her clothes.

“Vinnie, are you coming?” Bryan asked his wife and battle-sister.

“Hm, nah. I’m gonna tell the others what happened and what’s going down. We’ll be back-up until then.” Vinnie replied and then broke off to go get the rest of the crew. Soon enough, they made it to the hatch and exited to find a bemusing scene.

“Woah! Hello! How’s it going?! I am BEN and could you help me with this nasty Misbegotten?!” A brass robot with a part of its head missing begged the crew when they walked emerged. It was tied up hanging upside down over a pot of boiling water. “They seem to want to eat me!”

“EDI, did another group make it here before us?” Jane asked the Droid.

“How the fuck would I know?” EDI countered with a spin of her head.

“Let’s just help the robot.” Jane said before she drew her blaster and fired at the largest ‘misbegotten’ amongst the enemies. It dropped dead with a thundering crash as the other creatures wisely scattered.

“What the fuck are these things?” Bryan asked as he poked the corpse with his sword.

“They are remnants of some terraforming procedure that had gone haywire!” BEN answered from where he was still dangling over the Black Cauldron before the cat, Schrodinger, rushed from the ship and ran down the tree in glee.

“Schrodinger, no!” Kally called out in dismay as the cat ran away.

“Sis, he does this on every new world we land on and he always comes back. I have no idea how that old hairball is still alive.” Kiro assured her older sister and then shot the rope holding BEN over The Cauldron, causing him to land on the side of it and toss everything into a scalding hot mess.

Bryan approached the downed robot and picked him up. The grime that stuck to his metallic shell fell off, revealing the bronze surface was still intact and in peak condition somehow.

“Thank you! You’re my best friends! Watch out for the Deathbird!” BEN warned and pointed to the creature that had been attacking the Blade before it turned its attention to the group.

“What the fuck is that?!” Jane demanded of the skeletal bird burning in black flame.

“A Deathbird, a degenerated Protoss that presided over funeral rights! They’ve kinda mutated and worship something called Lady Death now!” BEN screamed as he hid behind Bryan.

“Can Lady Death help us here? Kinda affiliated with the lass.” Jane asked the local.

Bryan growled in annoyance and charged the Deathbird. However, it unleashed a torrent of black flame towards him. Everyone watched in horror when he was engulfed by it, only to be shocked when the Doom Marine came out from it unharmed.

“Knocked over his cereal again!” Schrodinger the cosmic cat announced with a purr.

“Whose?” Jane asked In confusion while Bryan put the mutant bird snake monstrosity in a chokehold despite it being twenty times his size.

“No one important.” The mysterious cat answered dismissively Before Brian performed a chokeslam with the Deathbird against the trunk of the giant tree they were docked at. The creature roared as flaming skulls erupted from its back and homed in on the Marine before he twisted his arms and its spine separated from its skeletal head.

“It’s a cat being a cat, why question it?” Kiro asked In bemusement.

“Because that cat has vast cosmic powers, hangs out with the King of Vampires and fucks the Lover of Cannons.” Bryan said as he approached the group while pointing at Schrodinger.

“Who are those two?” Jimbo asked, relaxed since the violence was over.

“We can worry about that later. Luv, what the fuck was that?! How did ya survive?” Jane questioned frantically while she checked him over. Not a single scorch mark on his armor. “Wait a minute…is this another fucking secret ya kept hidden despite our souls fusing?!”

“…Yes.” Bryan admitted with a nod. “Not even Urta and our other wives know of this. Yes, this also includes Cocoa. Tell me, how much do you know of One Piece?” Oh, she will get a kick out of hearing this. Along with potentially fucking him to death.

🎺

“Where is that blasted Cat, I will kill it with the Force!” The UnSC CEO screamed in rage.

“Sir, we really should get to work, also your daughter is here.” A clone stated.

“Tell Ophelia I’ll be with her in a moment. Where are you?” The CEO snarled with lightning arcing on his palms.

“Daddy, will you please give up this obsession with a cat?” Ophelia, a clone of The CEO who was mixed with a female he had fancied in recent years, thus was gray like him, entered the office and looked annoyed with her father. “Nyphono is practically knocking on our doorstep.”

“I’ve already ordered counterstrikes and hired loyal mercenaries to help in the fight.”

“Would it kill you to put on pants?” Ophelia complained with a rube of her equine snout.

“I’m wearing a robe, sweetie, you don’t wear pants with a robe.”

🎺

“…Well, that would explain why the DE was becoming strained from ya guys’ ‘sparring’.” I said after Bryan told us about Haki. Of course, he was the first one to learn it from a Displaced Tournament he partook in over ten thousand years ago. “So, why dinnae ya teach Willow and the others any ‘o that? Wouldn’t that’ve saved Urta from being manipulated?”

“Because the other Doom Marines were slowly, but surely becoming infected. Remember, I had to fight and kill them just to snap them out of it. So, in retrospect, while what Urta did back then was bad, it’s not the worst.” Bryan reminded us all.

“I just realized we could have had a One Piece style Grand Adventure going around and freeing the Galaxy one system at a time. Or popping over to a Dragon Ball universe and borrowing their Dragon Balls to wish the Galaxy back to stability.” There were a lot of options I didn't even consider. Oh well.

“Also, we better find a way to the ground or use the ship.” Jimbo commented, clearly trying to keep us all on task.

“Where’s BEN? We need information.” Bryan inquired and the robot in question popped up.

“Hello! I didn’t want to get melted. Anyway, let's head this way, we need to find the module holder in this area to…uh what was I saying again?” BEN said as he marched down a set of branches. “Wait! I’ve lost my mind!”

“Obviously. I mean, ya do know yew're missing a chunk ‘o the back of yer head, right?” I asked with disbelief that he's even operating. I mean, there's wires hanging out and everything.

“Oh, my Primary memory circuit is gone!” He yelled before stopping and turning back to us. “Oh, yes, this way!”

🎺

“Oh my gosh. It's like I stepped into the past.” Penta said after she emerged from the ship and looked around at a world much like Equus in her youth. Well, Urta’s youth, Penny mostly decked people in the streets of her home city. “Is there some sort of demonic plague here too?”

“Uh? Demonic? No, there’s the messed up terraforming, the lack of death and the creepy kingdom around the control and command interface of the planet.” BEN said from down the branches that he was guiding everyone through since EDI was finagling the Blade.

“So you know of Demons?” Penta asked as she jumped down to the others below. The crew slowly reunited as EDI removed the Blade from the branches high above.

“Oh yes, the Warp was about as prevalent at the start before the Gellar Field went up, but they still whisper here and there.” BEN explained before lifting some leaves and opening a hatch that led into the planet. “These tunnels run across the whole planet! We’ll use them to avoid most of the dangers. Locals seem to have forgotten them.”

“I find that highly unlikely.” Jane said skeptically, then paused after nearing the hatch. “BEN, a lot of us are rather…gifted.” Jane stated with embarrassment because the width of her hips and bust were clearly too much for the tiny hatch that the skinny brassy robot had entered.

“Oh, I’ll meet you below then. It’s too dangerous for me to be in the open.” BEN said before closing the hatch. Then screaming was heard from inside fading as BEN seemingly fell.

“Is he dead?” Kiro asked before Bryan took the lead, walking down the branches before reaching some city streets that surrounded the trunk of the tree, still very high up.

“I don’t think so, let’s just get through this city before more mutants attack.” Jane suggested as she retrieved light chakram from her cleavage to pair with her blaster.

“Art thou Maidens?” Asked a white masked fellow from an alley that the group passed. “If not then Mong’s Dynasty will welcome thou into his realm.”

“Does he mean Fire Keeper Maiden? Or something else?” Penta asked before Bryan approached the man, the two looked at each other for a moment until the berserker kicked the guy off the tree.

“None of that shit!” Bryan shouted as the man’s screams faded.

“Hey, is that an elevator over there?” Kiro pointed at a large alabaster elevator hanging from a branch higher than this one by chains. It was currently on their floor. “Let’s take that down.”

🎺

“Alright, so what the fuck happened at the Limgrave Minor Erdtree? Some meteor crashed into it and unknown daemons emerged?” Sir Gideon Ofnir the All Knowing asked his scouts as he read one of his reports. “And a Cat killed Godrick? How does a Cat of all things kill even that runt of a Demigod?”

“Yes sir. The Daemons left the Tree and headed for Caeild for some reason. As for Godrick, he died from anaphylactic shock. He seems to have been allergic to cats.” The beetle-man said.

“Makes sense, since he kept that lion guardian as far from him as possible.” Gideon said as he picked up another report. “Did you get the Great Rune?”

“No, the Cat seems to have taken it.” The shape-shifting beetle spy chittered.

“What?!” The ear-themed knight demanded in dread.

“We couldn’t find the Great Rune on Godrick’s body, the cat had also marched off to Liurnia before we could catch it. Here’s a painting of it.” The creature presented a fresh painting.

“Well, at least I have an image. I’ll scold the other Tarnished about this travesty.”

🎺

“All this is just not going to fly. I'm going to try and put an order in to the Coven even if they're scattered about the Twilight Realm of the Warp at the moment.” Penta declared with disgust while the group walked along the cobblestone road into a blighted red hellscape.

“Are those undead? They look so rotted.” Jane pointed out a horde of shambling corpses approaching with a giant dino/dog following them with slobber all over its maw.

“Cover?” James asked after the towering Changeling Behemoth drew his blaster.

“There’s some buildings over there!” Kiro suggested before a strangely armored blue-accented person rushed by on a horned horse and casually killed everything by swinging a giant sword made of other swords clean through them in an unrealistic display of strength, dexterity and skill. The person didn’t even slow down and continued down the road deeper into the blight.

“Should we follow? Feels weird not following.” Penta commented.

“Bird!” Kally warned while pointing up.

“Bird?” Byran asked before seeing a giant corvian with a beak full of teeth that was utterly fugly flying towards them. “What the fuck is this place, Brazil?!”