"ANON!" Twilight screams, stamping her foot on the floorboards in frustration.

"I KNOW, IM TRYING!" Anon hopelessly shouts back.

Twilight had been right. The bugs health was improving. Way, way too fast.

Anon had come over to bother her about something -- one of his usual, often nonsensical requests. But this time, he brought the bug with him.

It now sat in her library, on top of the book shelves, in her bucking house, with wings capable of getting it off the ground. Every time she tried to stun it with a zap from her horn or grab it with her magic, either it would evade, buzzing around erratically, or Anon would stumble in the way as he tried to catch it.

She would never admit, even to Celestia, even under oath, just how many times she had purposefully aimed for Anon. It was the only thing keeping her sane at this point.

And of course, the Girls were no help. Dash had refused to help, following her defeat the day prior; now she's in a depressed slump. Aj is working, Rarity refuses to go near it because it won't stop regurgitating is insides, Pinkie would make everything worse, and Fluttershy would be no help, too busy getting rimmed by discord. Pair the chaotic incel with the loner in the forest to keep him distracted. Good move, Cadence.

Twilight groans as Anon leaps off a step-stool, lunging for Barfy. Barfy """"carefully"""" (full-force slams) into the top of the adjacent bookshelf, leaving a golden, goopy impact stain. Anon absolutely biffs it, slams into the side of the shelf, and buries himself under a torrent of books.

"Anon! She's going to stain my books!" Twilight grumbles, trotting around the side, trying to get an angle. Bucking thing won't stay still.

"I'm working on it." Anon grumbles from underneath the literature tomb. His hand weakly rises out of its depths, but falls, buried under the weight off too many damn words.

Barfy stares down from her untouchable Kingdom.

It took them two hours.

Two bucking hours to get that thing out of her library. Everything was smeared in a golden goop, several puddles of it on the floor, even dripping from the ceiling.

The only reason they even caught it was because Spike came in, and Barfy wanted to greet the new face by vomiting directly on him. Poor Spike never knew what was coming.

Hes still on the couch, huddled under a blanket, shivering with a thousand yard stare.

The only reason that Anon and Barfy didn't find themselves teleported, limb by limb, to various corners of Equestria, was that in Twilights exasperation, she'd picked up one of the books, hopelessly wiping at it with a cloth.

The goop came off completely, leaving no stain. Well, she wouldn't have to replace her entire fucking stock of library books, thankfully. A relieved sigh escapes Twilight -- but she wasn't doing that again.

"Anon. Keep Barfy at your house next time you visit. If she barfs ANYWHERE, even NEAR my books again, I'm going to show you what happens when you cast the Make-Alive spell on someone's innards." She growls, inches from his face.

"...Yep, no problem, won't happen again." Anon gulps.

Barfy makes a cough noise, a globule of golden drool dangling lower and lower from her mouth.

Twilights glare slowly shifts directly to stare at Barfy.

There's a quiet pause. Followed by a slurping sound, and Barfy slowly sucks the drool back in.

"Oh, that's a first." Anon notes. The very unamused look from Twilight foretells him he may have overstayed his welcome, and should leave. Now. Like right the fuck now.

Anon stands outside of Rarity's Boutique. Since Twilight didn't wanna hang, maybe Rarity would. Make a fancy little collar for Barfy.

While he had a feeling she might be a little hesitant about Barfy herself, he wasn't expecting her to actually board her door shut. Are those sandbags by the window? And a moat?

"Rarity...?" He calls up.

There's a long pause, but finally Rarity peeks out from the top floor window. Something glints in the midday sun in her hooves.

That's a fucking crossbow.

"Darling, Anon! Sweetheart! So good to see you. Any chance you could... oh, I don't know... what is that saying you keep mentioning? I hope I say it right -- Fuck off? Ever so politely, Darling." Rarity says sweetly. Too sweetly.

Holding Barfy like a football, Anon gives her a salute, u-turns, and promptly fucks off.

Wanding through Ponyville, Anon taps his chin in deep thought, Barfy dangling limply from his arm. Every step, her legs jostle around like they had no bones. Who else could he bother? Twilight was left cleaning up the mess. Rarity was a complete no-go zone unless he fancied himself a new reason to visit Nurse Redheart.

Fluttershy liked animals. Was Barfy an animal? Like, all things were technically animals, but like, on the level of sapience or general intelligence or --

Anon holds Barfy out in front of himself, dangling by the pits, staring at its face.

Squish.

Squash.

Yeah, close enough.

Meandering to her little grove, Anon suffers judgmental glares from birds glaring down from branches, and local wildlife gathering around, watching the pair. For somepony who welcomed animals, Anon sure didn't feel welcome.

Well, probably because he punted Angel clear out the window that one time, but that little bastard had it coming. He was sure Fluttershy had forgiven him for that already.

There it is -- the Fluttershack. Stepping up, Anon almost knocks on the door -- but Barfy's head tilts, and she makes a gurgle noise. Something tripped the Barf alarm.

Crouching down, Anon starts creeping for a window. He had a perfectly good reason to look through someones window, for sure. He just had to find what that reason was really quick.

Holding Barfy so she can get a good look too, the nosy pair peek through Fluttershy's window.

Holy shit, she's getting railed by Discord.

Damn, how can he bend like that?

DAMN, how can SHE bend like THAT?

Anon covers Barfy's poor, innocent eyes, as the pair quickly escape the Fuckshack and skedaddle back to Ponyville to find someone else to bother. He'd stay and watch, but Fluttershy was kind of mid, honestly. Lower end of the six, tbh.

Author's Note