Though the sun was nearly set, it was decided by all parties during dinner that staying the night in Cloudsdale wouldn’t be right. You could always visit again, and it’d be irresponsible to be away from the cottage any longer. The critters didn’t rely on you to be fed, but it’d become so habitual that skipping days felt wrong. Angel is probably worried sick too…

And… well…

You wanted to swing by Anon’s house.

Much of dinner had been spent strategizing and spitballing ideas with your parents. Things that worked for them, things that might work for you, and so on. You still weren’t quite sure where you stood in confronting Anon once more, or if you’d be able to actually execute when you needed to, but… Once again, you find yourself staring down at the Equestrian landscape, a dimly lit Ponyville far below. A few days ago, you stood in a similar position, ready to tackle the journey that lie ahead. Many times you faltered, and many times you regretted it.

And here you were now.

... It was worth a shot.

No extravagant claims were needed now, no affirmations of future success. Whatever came next would come. It was up to you to make it all work in your favor. You walk over the edge of Cloudsdale, letting gravity take over as you outstretch your wings, aiming for a smooth descent just outside your cottage. If you timed it all right: You could land right in front of your door.

So, where are you now, Fluttershy?

Did you learn anything from these past few days?

That oh-so-loyal self-doubt stood by your side, telling you no. Maybe it was right, to an extent. But you knew that, even if there was truth behind its dour lingering, it couldn't speak to the entirety of your experience. It was quite late now, standing off at a distance before Anon's home. Distant lights of Ponyville sway in the moon breeze like little earthbound stars, jingling much closer to home than the painted night above. Like you, Anon didn't care much to plant himself around ponies. So the distant aura of life was somewhat muted in its attempt to cast itself so far-flung into the darkness, and the gentle lamps scattered on Anon's porch only assisted the night in rousing those instinctual, foalish fears of darkness. It made for a foreboding mood, though it really shouldn't.

Would you truly feel so crushed if he refused you again? A denial ought to be expected more than anything else: That's the status quo after all. You have no grand trick up your sleeve, no edge to tip the scales.

No, you just have yourself.

And surely that's enough to get whatever it is you want out of this confrontation. Still, you stand at a comfortable length from his door as weary eyes await some cue to formally approach.

...

Though, you suppose you've never really been one to await such things. You were simply tired, and some part of you said that this would be the only way to bring about some degree of finality to this "quest" of yours. So, with little further fanfare, your hooves press forward through the small grasses, eventually finding their way onto Anon's porch.

"Fluttershy?"

But, you never get the opportunity to knock.

A part of you dreadfully hoped Anon hadn't seen you staring at his front door for Celestia-knows how long. Of course, standing atop his porch, looking back at him probably didn't start you off too well either. Oh well.

Anon slowly begins closing the gap between you, the distance traveled shortening with each step before stopping outright. Close enough to see him clearly in the moonlight– but impossible to embrace. Seeing his face once more, words begin welling up in your throat from somewhere you couldn't pinpoint. But they come and they come, and that building flood pushes on the linguals of your teeth. Anon's lips tremble with the beginnings of speech again, but you don't allow it.

"I…"

"I'm sorry."

"I've been… W-well, to tell the truth, I don't know what I've been to you. It's not something I'd call a friend. Nor a lover– even unrequited. M-my intent be damned if I was trying to be somepony that pined for you, as I was obviously so often far from the mark, to the extent that your rejections seemed more akin to telling me something I wished to hear: Something like an affirmation that I was indeed attempting to be a suitor, though failing."

"Maybe that wasn't your intention, but I see now that it must've been the case: Because I failed to even be a rejected suitor. I don't know what I've been."

"Some parody of a pony, like a foal playing adult: Like I could present you a desire that'd make you see the things I felt for you, or more morbidly, excite some perversion in you– so I could at least pretend there was a shared love between us if you decided to use me."

"... It's disgusting to admit that. It's humiliating. It's only you and I out here, and hearing that come out of me makes me want to flush my mouth with soap… But my past actions reflect that it's true. And none of it was right."

"I don't know what I'm doing, Anon. I've never known what it is I'm doing regarding you. That doesn't excuse any of it– any of the frustration I've put you through, but–"

"I love you, if I may be blunt. I know this doesn't help my case at all, but I can't help but let it be known, and I've been talking to ponies."

"I've been talking, and at first I thought it'd lead me to some realization: Like… Like I could find out why I love you, or how I could get you to love me back. I found neither."

"I just know that I love you, and I don't think that condition will ever really change. If you were to leave Ponyville tomorrow and never return, I don't think I'd ever lose that feeling. I can't return to the pony I used to be. Who am I now –who I was when you were here– would not let go of the person I could never have. Nothing changes on my end in that hypothetical: You're equally as unreachable as you were before, and my fantasies would surely just continue spiraling as they do now."

"I… don't really have any intent here. I guess this is just an admittance of fact– or a squeal of pain. I just wanted to say I'm sorry."

Unceremoniously, your apology dies there.

All you can do is hold Anon's gaze through bagged eyes. As you should've expected, his face had twisted from a look of confusion to concern early on in your speech. Now you don't even know what emotion has set in across his face. Maybe the same as whatever it is you're feeling. You don't know what you should've done, but it certainly wasn't this. There's nowhere to go from here, really. If it's any consultation, you managed to speak your piece.

Anon stares.

Well.

"... Goodnight, Anon."

You trod down Anon's porch steps, your only goal now being to hopefully snuff out the empty static in your head with the warmth of an actual bed. You don't know.

But you don't get very far down the steps.

"Why?"

You peer up once again, midstep.

"Why do you love me?"

"I mean, I don't see the appeal, and after so long… I just… I don't get it. I don't get you."

The chance to define your love sends a host of tiny shudders down your spine. You'd need to be careful not to over-excite yourself here. If you could even put such feelings into words. Finding an impromptu seat on Anon's steps, you collect yourself with Luna's cool night air.

"... S-sorry in advance if I get off topic:"

Anon mentally prepares himself with a "hoo…" as he sits beside you, looking out into the dark fields beyond. You keep your eyes straight ahead too, though allow inconsistent bobs of your head downward to find the strength to pour out your words.

"... There was a time when I thought this would be it. I don't mind simple living, Anon. I think that much is obvious. That was okay for me. I had my animals, my cottage. Myself. My friends routinely visit; keep me grounded to the world out there. It was all I ever needed."

"Then you came and, well, you muddled all that up."

"It must've been a crush at first, surely, but I'd never experienced that. I was already… not very social, so it hit me harder than I'm sure it hits most ponies– and I had no idea what to do with it."

"So I fed that fire, and, well…"

"It got me off on a bad path, but I suppose your resilience in the face of my antics helps illuminate my point:"

Though his face is still turned out to the distant darkness, yours turns up toward his profile; as if you could make out his feelings from this position.

"I don't think anypony else in Equestria has a relationship like ours. It certainly hasn't been romantic, but even still. I don't think I could find anypony else that'd make me act so… fevered– and certainly not find one willing to put up with it as you have."

"Something about that is… fitting, I think. We're alike in a lot of ways, you know. You and I both have our troubles meshing with the ponies around us. I'd never met somepony like that before. Maybe you're like Discord, and you just don't want to mingle… But you're mortal, just like me. And we have needs, so I don't think that's the case."

"Maybe I'm just imparting my own loneliness and desires onto you, hoping you see things the same way I do. I'm sorry."

Distant fireflies offer the only visible movement to your eyes now, waiting for something more. Were the mood not so melancholic, the darkness -paired with Anon's deep amber porch light- might carry with it a comfortable atmosphere. This whole scene just feels tired though. Celestia knows you are, at least.

”I…”

"I am lonely."

"I'm lonely, and I'm scared."

Try as you might, Anon's face stays pointed out to the night, and you can't make out his feelings. "It's not something I bring up… Well, ever, because even thinking about it scares me. As if recognizing the insanity of me even being here will surely doom me to… Poof away somewhere else, with no choice but to start over again."

"All I have are memories now, without even proof that any of them were– are real. So, the thought of making more?"

"I'm not strong enough to want to risk it."

Either Anon caught you staring, or he wanted his next words to have more impact. Regardless, his face turns downwards to meet yours.

It's a welcomed sight.

"I don't hate you, Fluttershy. I never did. I don't dislike you, even. I got over the… Mental hurdle of hypothetically dating a pony pretty quick. Not sure what that says about me, but… That's not the point."

"Say I accepted your advances, and we began to date. Say it all went well. Say, twenty years from that point, we were married and as happy as could be."

"Then say I vanished again. Happened once, right? That kind of thing doesn't happen to anyone ever. For it to happen at all must mean it's to be a pattern in my life, no?"

"I vanish without even a goodbye. No fanfare. No warning. Our bed has only one occupant in it come morning."

Anon is quiet for a moment.

Maybe he's allowing you the opportunity to for once share in a mutual fantasy of your love, though this fantasy of course has a dark ending. The implied macabre rug pull makes living in that moment hard, as you cannot help but focus on Anon's hypothetical disappearance as well.

"I'm not the only one who is affected by this. I'm gone, sure, but I'm gone for my loved ones as well, and there is no closure."

Now able to study his face so closely, it's easy to spot Anon's eyes flee from your own as he speaks those final words, and it's faint, but you're certain you hear his voice waver.

"I don't want to put anyone else through what I've put my family through, my friends."

How dare he.

"H-how can you say that."

Anon's somber monotone gains a tinge of confusion at how offended you sound.

"How can you blame yourself!?"

Though clearly taken aback, Anon does not yet raise his voice to match your own. "Who else is there to blame? I could shake my fist at God, but it wouldn't do me any good. I tried. Seems like I wasn't supposed to be on Earth, and I'm definitely out of place here. Can't blame you ponies, so I'm the only constant that remains."

You plant your hooves on Anon's chest, not to strike, but he must be actively pushing back against your weight to stay upright. This human is in desperate need of a tongue-lashing.

"A-and what good does that do you!? L-living every day as though... A-as though you'll poof away!"

Anon must not have been expecting this reaction, as his own volume now slowly begins to climb. "It's a reminder, Fluttershy. You're right. I-I do want a future, I do want a family, and experiences, a-and life! But that's not how this works!"

"Y-you don't know that!"

"Maybe not, but I've seen how it's worked thus far! Why wouldn't it happen again!?"

"I-I don't know! But that's life in general! Anypony could- could die for any reason at any time! It's no excuse to deny yourself experiencing life out of fearing change!" From your new vantage point, your head looms over his, and both of you are too stubborn to back down from this aggressive staring contest.

"It's not the same because I'm not dead! I'm alive! A-alive, and helpless in preserving myself! This isn't my afterlife, Fluttershy! I-I'm still here, and all I have left are memories!"

Sweet Celestia, and here you thought he just didn't like ponies.

The past few days of sulking might be to your benefit now at least, as you can feel your lingering lethargy swirling inside you, now powerless in an inner maelstrom as it's rechanneled into righteous fury. Hot tears stream from your face as you press your hooves back into Anon harder. "T-then you're not living at all now! Even if you were to disappear only months from now, y-you should be... g-gorging yourself on life! Making friends! Seeing Equestria! I-if we were to be together, and you were to vanish, of course I'd be crestfallen–"

"But I'd still have our memories together, and so would you! Punishing yourself like this is only perpetuating your suffering!"

Whether he can even be swayed from his belief at this point, you seem to collapse his walls after this. With them, Anon collapses too. "Oh, Fluttershy," he sighs breathily, breaking the mutual gaze. Anon stops resisting, pulling you down into a hug as his back falls to the wooden porch. This might've been a dream scenario under any other circumstance, but you can't focus on his warmth or scent right now. It's a bit shocking you even have tears left, though these are out of frustration more so than sadness.

You never knew Anon could be so dense.

It's undoubtedly earned, knowing now what he's been going through, but that makes it all no less frustrating in the moment. Clutched to the human's chest, you do what you can to return the favor, offering all the affection possible. Anon's usual calm, even apathetic, exterior is actively crumbling, and even this impromptu embrace might too be a defense mechanism to end needing to explain his mentality.

He's vulnerable now, and you must be careful.

You'd been getting schooled on wisdom from mothers for the past two days. Hopefully you can channel some of that now.

"If you disappeared tomorrow..."

"Would you want this to be our last moment together?"

Your question hangs in the air for some time. No noise, either from the two of you or the world watching around, dares to interrupt the silence it spawns. It probably wasn't too long of a pause, really. But it was enough for your tears to dry and your heart to cease excitement. No matter, you had time. Under a weak amber glow, surrounded by an inky dream of night, your two bodies clung to one another.

As if letting go truly would mean losing the other forever.

Maybe that force that collects and deposits Anon randomly was passing by in that moment. It searched, but it couldn't find him.

Maybe it moved on.

Regardless, Anon would eventually come to break the silence.

"You can be a real pain sometimes, Fluttershy."

...

"But no. I wouldn't want this to be our last moment together."

The little victories.

...

But you've never been one for little victories.

Fluttershy goes big, or she goes home– and if she goes home, you better believe she'll be back to try again tomorrow.

"T-then how about we take this one day at a time, and w-we go on a date tonight?"

Thankfully, Anon is quicker with his response this time. After a few moments, you manage to work a laugh out of Anon for the first time tonight.

"... Jesus, you're bold. This is a hell of a talk to end with asking me out."

With your chin resting on his upper chest, you flash Anon a smile while also not-so-subtly tightening your hug.

"Y-you know me."

"... So, is it a yes?"

Anon chuckles again, the tone sounding much more familiar to you now.

"... Yeah, sure."

Oh my.

You're a fucking alpha mare.

... As you and Anon would come to find out, it was much too late to find a table in just about any restaurant in Ponyville, let alone book a reservation. Of course, you just had to say the date’s tonight of all times. It left little options remaining.

In fact, only one.

”Welcome to Hayburger, home of the hayburger, can I take your– Holy Celestia.”

The cashier, finally pulling her head up from her post, seems to not quite believe her eyes. You can’t say you blame her, what with Anon by your side and the both of you surely looking chipper. Even this teenage filly working the graveyard shift is knocked wide-awake at the implications.

She looks to you, eyes wide and her whisper horribly overt. ”D-did you actually manage to–” the filly checks herself, as though being so blunt might ruin the night. It’s an appreciated gesture regardless, though it puts into perspective a little bit just how well-known your romantic exploits have traveled, if even this young stranger is on your side.

... Maybe less as ‘exploits’ and more as a cautionary tale, but you won’t let that get to you now.

”S-sorry about that, you two: What would you like to order?”

Sheepishly, Anon starts, looking to you for guidance. ”Heh, uh, I don’t think I can really eat anything here.”

Darn, you’re not really one for this kind of food either admittedly.

... You really are bombing this.

A few days ago– Even, a few hours ago that would’ve had your stomach doing flips.

But now?

Maybe you and Anon both are still riding a mutual catharsis, or you’re both exhausted, but you simply don’t mind.

“I’m not all that hungry either. How about we just get some water, is that alright?”

The cashier is eager to oblige. ”Y-yes ma’am, it is! Please, take the booth by the window, I’ll have those waters out in a moment!” The filly nearly breaks a leg scrambling into the kitchen, whisper-shouting to the cooks if they have any candles or mood lighting.

You share a look with Anon.

“... I-it’s kinda nice not being the anxious one for once.”

”Couldn’t you have just written letters?”

“Well… I kinda got caught up in the excitement.”

”Tch, typical.”

Anon’s accompanying snicker is balm to your psyche. With the blanket of night painted flat against the window you sit beside, time feels at a standstill. That feeling too is a sort of balm. It welcomes you to finally ease the stiffness of your withers again and again, as if it were a new experience each time. You come to actively need to stop yourself from airing out breathy sighs. Not even the Spa Twins could bring you such relief. If this was the only reward for your past troubles, and the dream ended eventually…

”Was it worth it, you think?” Anon leans himself over the table as he speaks.

You’d been telling him of your little trip these past few days as the two of you shared a booth in the otherwise empty Hayburger. Whatever time it was now, it didn’t matter. You’re unsure if the staff is staying overtime out of empathy for you, or if they’re just watching from behind the counter to witness the spectacle of you finally making progress. Either way, they should’ve closed at least an hour ago.

“Worth it?”

Of course now the answer is so easy to choose, now that the troubles are just mere hours behind you.

But the Fluttershy on the train to the Rock Country thought otherwise.

As did the Fluttershy resting underneath the Applepear Tree.

And the Fluttershy standing before her own mother’s home.

Would she have answered the question as easily as you can now?

Before your success was confirmed?

...

Well, no.

She wouldn’t have answered it so easily.

But she kept on moving regardless, so that you could have even a chance of being here now. And, of course, she is you.

Your introspection earns the cock of Anon’s head as he awaits your response.

“Hm…”

“If you had still denied me, or chosen to not even listen to my words when we were at your home,”

“Yes. It still would’ve been worth it.”

A shadow of a smile begins to curl up on Anon’s lips.

”And why’s that?”

Your eyes trail off into the nearby expanse of night.

“I thought I wanted to do everything on my own: Win you over all by myself.”

“I thought letting the girls help would take away from my own accomplishment, to the point where even seeking their advice was overstepping the boundary.”

“But really, how’s seeking advice from their parents any different?”

“The last time you rejected me… I felt worse than usual. To the point where I didn’t know what to do next.”

Anon’s face falls ever so slightly at that.

“I don’t think sticking to my old mindset is the important takeaway; but moreso putting that pride aside and going on that journey of penance on my own.”

“It wasn’t something I thought I’d ever be capable of doing without the girls there by my side to… to carry the torch for me. And I doubted myself every step of the way–”

”And yet, here you are.”

Your eyes fall back on Anon, and the smile you wear is infectious.

“H-here I am.”

Anon leans back in his seat across from you, masking his own smile with a hand as he idly swirls his water cup with the other. ”I think you’re already redirecting your passion into healthier avenues.”

It might sound uncharacteristic to anypony looking merely at surface level, but you suppose you’d been carrying an unwarranted amount of pride in you for quite some time. Perhaps, just misguided. Whether the grapplings with your psyche amounted to anything otherwise, you can certainly say now that at least you proved yourself. At least you tried.

...

The afterglow of you revelation is cherished for a brief few moments, before Anon returns you to the moment. His past woes seem as equally distant as yours, though he too confronted them so recently.

”So, does this mean I won’t be seeing you at my door each morning now?”

You giggle.

“B-baby steps, Anon. Baby steps.”

End.

Author's Note

And we're done! As I'd mentioned in the last chapter, I had some pretty discouraging (though insightful) realizations almost immediately after completing this story originally– fixated on including Anon more primarily.

My biggest concern with the story as things stand is that Anon just isn't a character until the very end. It weakens him of course, but it also could weaken Fluttershy too: After all, if she's doing all this for him, and Anon is comparatively just not in the picture, how could Shy's 'quest' be justified? You could perhaps make the argument that Shy needed this personal growth either way, but bah... I don't know. Even now, I think I would've preferred Anon unintentionally going on his own little 'quest' of sorts simultaneously– unknowingly retreading the same steps Shy had already taken, or talking to the same ponies Shy had.

It's easy to say all that, though, and imagine a hypothetical where I can include those ideas and they all just play nice with one another and the story is objectively better in my eyes– it's never so simple, of course. But who knows, rereading this all to reformat things did put the idea back at the forefront of my mind again, so I'll keep toying with the idea when I'm bored.

Regardless, Mother Knows Best is a story that both didn't go the way I'd originally planned, and even when it was done, I had 'what if's ' staining my overall outlook on the whole thing. I don't hate it, though! I hope I haven't been making it sound like I view the entire project as a black sheep or anything. I'm happy it is what it is & that it exists– and I hope you enjoyed reading!

Up next is going to be a far bigger project– the biggest I've ever set out on writing-wise to date. For example: My previous biggest project was Twiastasia, which is about 50k words in total. What's coming is currently 18k, and hardly out of its 'Act 2' of perhaps 5 or 6 at the time of this update. We'll see how that mess goes! Hope you give it a shot, and again, I hope you enjoyed.