Outsiders

Chapters

1. I'm not welcome here, aren't I?
2. The only friends I can count on
3. Danger on the horizon
4. Double Whammy
5. Knee Deep in Problems
6. Myth and Reality
7. Think I've Gone A Bit Crazy!
8. Who's That Merchant?

1. I'm not welcome here, aren't I?

Okay so... I've been thrown in for one helluva loop.

One minute, I’m standing before this sketchy looking guy and the next, I’m in a forest... uh, feeling strangely naked?!

I don’t know how that even happened, that guy must have drugged me or something but to wake up in a forest? That’s not usually how kidnapping or muggings or, other kind of crimes go! The forest was strange too, I gotta say. Really colorful grass despite the fact we’re in autumn, a perfectly clear sky which went against the weather forecast and no crickets though I suppose that last one is a relief. Less sound to pester me while I’m gathering my thoughts.

Okay so... I’m naked in a forest, lying on my side staring at the blue sky. There’s a river nearby, which is good. I’m no survival expert, but anybody can tell you that following a river is a good idea. Where there is water, there are people.

Sounds easy, just follow the river, find civilisation and get the hell back home. Easy peasy lemon squeezy, but... there is a catch. Oh, there’s always one waiting to kick you in the ass. I found that the moment I tried to stand up. My arms couldn’t move and bend the way I wanted them to. They were restrained, not by ropes, but by physiology.

Now hear me out. I know what I’m about to say sounds like I’m delirious, but I assure you; I’m perfectly sound of mind, I-I think. I raised my arm and saw that it was covered in fur. And my supposed hand that would help me get back on my feet was. A. Hoof.

A... hoof.

You could probably imagine the shock I felt at that moment. It was like a heart attack and a panic attack jumped me at the same time. Thankfully I didn’t die of shock at that moment, but it did freeze my brain for a few dozen minutes.

I touched the grass, rubbed my face with my new, downgraded hand and sure enough; I wasn’t dreaming nor was I stoned. I was wide awake, thinking clearly, only I had a furry hoof for an arm.

And then I looked at the rest of my body. All four of my limbs, hooves. I screamed for what felt like hours as I rolled around like a sausage, struggling to stand up. My body was different too might I add, and so was my face. My mouth felt long and weird and that was scaring me too.

I crawled not so graciously to the nearest river and took a good look at the water. My reflection was the last thing I ever thought I’d see. Instead of seeing the normal, and handsome, face of me, a human, I saw a horse. A horse with hilariously big eyes and a stupid ass messy haircut. I wasn’t a normal horse, no, tell me you’ve ever seen a horse with a light green coat, and with a black mane too, and blue eyes. And what’s with the wings?

I had wings, so that meant I was actually a pegasus then. I couldn’t figure out how to move them which could only mean one thing. The only possible explanation was that somebody was messing with me. Yes! I am still in there, inside this body. I can bend my arm in a way that no normal horse could. I can raise my hoof and touch my chin with it. Horse legs don’t bend that way, I think. I dunno, I’m no horse expert. I’ve never been around one for more than a minute anyway.

That must be like this, uh, bizarre and disgusting horror movie I saw many years ago, about a guy being kidnapped and going through a horrific experiment to be turned into a walrus, only he’s like grafted to a makeshift walrus body. Maybe that’s what happened to me.

Hold on. If that was the case, then... that would mean... someone’s gonna come out of the woods and ride me?!

No, that didn’t happen. For some reason my body was grafted onto a cartoonesque pegasus costume and dumped in the woods without my phone. I honestly expected somebody to come out and laugh at my situation. This can’t be some kind of sick joke. Then again, I’m in the dark here.

Huh, weird. Despite being on all four like a horse, my body does not feel uncomfortable. My back isn’t strained, my arms can touch the floor on an even level with my legs. Hell, I even have some degree of control over my tail! Whoever put me in that suit must have been rich, or a very good engineer.

I know sick people can be really good at what they’re doing, but instead of using their skills for society, they use it to mess with good natured people who are contributing to society.

I shall resume my train of thoughts now that I have more eloquently explained to you my situation. You should be thankful, ‘cause otherwise you would have spent a few good minutes hearing incoherent screaming and messy thoughts.

Anyway, first things first, I gotta get out of that body. I’ve rationalised the situation, have no more reason to freak out, so now I can work towards finding a solution with a clear mind. I need a knife, something sharp to cut that fake fur off me. Then I can regain control of my arms and seek other people to return home.

There seems to be no sign of intelligent life anywhere as far as I’m concerned.

Hmm... maybe I can figure out where I am based on what that weirdo said? Give me a moment to remember, exactly, what... happened.

Okay, so it started when I was walking down the streets to return home from work. I work at...

Um, nevermind. My mind must still be hazy, it’ll come back in time. As I was saying, I returned home from work when suddenly in an alleyway, there was a guy. I don’t know what his deal was, but he looked sketchy. Like really, really sketchy. He wore a bandana over his mouth, had this dark cowl, pretty much dressed in all black. He looked old too. It took me a solid minute, but I recognised that this guy was literally cosplaying as the merchant from Resident Evil 4.

Why wasn’t he at a comic con or whatever, I don’t know. All I remembered was that he greeted me the moment our eyes met. He even nailed the voice. A top tier cosplayer, which only made it weirder that he stopped me to show his wares.

I flinched when he opened his coat. Thought he was gonna flash me at first, but no, he was just showing me his wares. Instead of the fake guns and ammunition you’d expect from the character, he had other kind of merchandise...

I don’t remember most of it, t’was dark, and it overall looked kind of alien to me. Tons of Inspector Gadget levels of weird with his stuff. Even when he explained them to me I still didn’t understand.

Oh, speaking of his voice, he also had the whole “what’re ya buyin’, stranger?” vibe nailed down. Every. Single. Thing, he said to me was a direct quote from the game. I know, I played it a long time ago but I vividly remember this charming merchant. I was pretty thrilled to meet a cosplayer so determined to the bit. I chose to play along, thinking I would just be buying something useless just for fun.

One of the things he had was a card, looked like the cheapest thing he could sell. So, I asked him in all my charm. “What’s that?”

He laughed and pulled it out. “Got some rare things on sale, stranger! This card is an all-powerful ticket to a magical world of dragons and unicorns where the magic of friendship is key to greatness!”

I laughed. It was pretty funny to hear the Resident Evil Merchant say something so cheesy. “That’s cool, but what does it actually do? Is it like a gift card or just an invitation to a convention or something.” I asked him.

He simply chuckled and brought it closer to my face so that I’d read what’s on it. “Close, stranger. It IS an invitation, but to a place you need not to know its location. Simply read the instructions and close your eye... stranger.”

...

What does that even mean?!

Was he for real?! Nah, he made that shit up on the spot. No way in hell a card transported me here. He was messing with me!

Oh shit, I’m freaking out! Now’s not the time to lose my goddamn marbles!

This isn’t helping... R-Right, I should continue my narration, calm and professional. You need to understand me after all.

I read the instructions, wondering what the hell he was talking about. No, wait, I paid him five bucks first, which was a stupid idea (who pays five bucks to read a card?), and then I read it. I then closed my eyes and oh, what do you know, I wake up in a forest, naked, as a horse. A bizarre messed up looking horse.

Well that’s just great, none of what he said was actually useful. A magical world of dragons and unicorns? Tss, should have known better than to trust the merchant from RE 4...

Okay, the plan... what was it again? Oh right, follow the river, find civilisation, get out of this ridiculous costume and get back home.

Oh, and I should jog my memory a bit. If they drugged me, I might forget some things. Okay, my name is Daniel Brooks. I’m a 27-year-old man. I work at... oh shit, I am forgetting some important things. Anyway, I just know thanks to that strange motif on my butt (flank?) that I must be a writer. Apparently not a liked one. That sucks.

Woah! Something just growled in that forest. I think it’s a wolf, I don’t know. Again, I’m no animal expert, but whatever that creature...

Why am I standing still? I should get going already. There’s a predator on the prowl!

So I followed the river, but not too closely. I keep on tripping, which is a given, I’m not used to being quadrupedal. Progress is slow and steady, but it’ll make me win the race eventually. Gah! This was too corny! Learning to walk on all four isn’t as easy as you’d think. It’s like having to rewire your entire brain, throw out everything you’ve learned previously.

I must start with slow, deliberate steps. One at a time, learn to move on this new body. I can only hope that whatever was in that forest won’t take an interest in me. Then again, if it could tear me out of that suit. Ugh, this is long and boring! Can’t I have at least something to do or someone to talk to in the meantime?

... nobody? Okay then, guess I’ll just make up imaginary friends to keep me company.

Look guys! Daniel’s finally gone outside to touch some grass!

How are you going to scratch your ass now? Your hoof can’t reach your butt!

Look at tiny baby man trying to be a horse!

Why are my own imaginary friends mocking me? I suppose that trick only really works when you’re in a good mood, something I’m afraid won’t come to me any time soon.

I walked at a snail's pace for hours judging by the sun’s position. I scaled up hills and climbed over the occasional rocky blockade (gosh that one sucked). The sun was overhead when I first woke up. Now, it’s slowly fading in the distance. That’s bad. If I can’t find anybody before it gets dark, I might have to sleep in the wilderness, and not even with the comfort of my actual body! I can’t pick up things with these hooves, how am I supposed to start a fire?

Fires keep monsters at bay, maybe I should practice making one before sunset. No, I think I’ll just take my chance and keep moving. I’m getting faster, more used to the movement of this strange suit but the more accustomed I become, the closer the sun is to leaving me in the dark.

My body was starting to ache from all this physical activity.

But that’s on me, it was a sign I should have gone outside more often when I was still in the big city. I guess now’s a good time to start shaping up.

I was very thirsty at that point, so I took a short break to drink. It was a very awkward drink let me tell you. I had to methodically bend my arms forward, carefully place my legs so I wouldn’t fall in the river, but it just looked like I was sticking my butt out, wagging my little tail like a puppy. I was glad nobody was there to notice me, ‘cause the shame would have probably killed me in an instant if they saw my groin sticking out like that.

I tried to bend my legs so that I could be in a more relaxed position. Unfortunately, I wasn’t quite used to the way this suit bent so I just tripped and landed crotch first. Oh dear, the pain. I think I busted my nuts on a rock. For some reason, the pain was transmitted to the exterior of the suit as if my own groin was sticking out of it!

At that point my wings finally moved. They just sort of dropped and flopped on the floor like a helpless chicken. I felt the suit’s inner mechanism poke against my side with every movement these wings made. God, it was uncomfortable. I had to replace them in their dormant state with my hooves. Took me a few minutes to get the mechanism to function properly. Then I got back to drinking. Probably the best sensation I’ve had since I woke up.

Ah... I needed that.

Before I resumed my journey, I decided to take a closer look at that suit using my reflection on the water. I had a styled mane, a rather spiky looking tail and... is that a drawing on my flank? I think that’s a crummy paper with a pen next to it. There are also gold coins around that paper...

Is my flank calling me a hack writer? The audacity of this bitch! I’ll show him I’m not all bark and no bite.

Thankfully, my troubles were soon going to end. I saw a building in the distance. The closer I got to it, the more appeared. I found a town! Or so it seemed...

The buildings I saw were unlike anything I ever saw before. They had a sort of archaic architecture? Strange geometry too. Some buildings had connecting bridges to one another. They couldn’t be houses, right? I sure wouldn’t wanna live this close to my neighbors.

Oh hey! I finally found someone. And the weirdest part, they were a horse too, like me! That’s great, well not really for us (we’re still stuck inside the horse suit), I was just relieved to find someone in the same predicament as me. It was a mare, so most likely a woman inside that suit. She must have encountered that stupid merchant cosplayer...

The closer I got to her, the more I realised I was small. I never put much thought into it, but these trees seemed way bigger than usual. I suppose it’s mainly because I’m on all four... Wait, does that mean I should be closer to a pony than a horse? Shit... I’ve been turned into a pony? That’s too small, it can contain my massive girth o-or... m-muscles.

Ugh, getting tired. My mind’s saying dumb things. I-I guess I’ll call this a pony suit from now on.

Anyway, I approached the mare. She was lying against a tree, playing a lyra... with her hooves? How was she doing that? She had a horn too; it was glowing somehow. Must have some lights integrated in that suit. Her hooves only really held the thing, so I don’t know how the instrument was playing by itself. Maybe she was a hack just like me.

Hey, she also had a lyra motif on her flank. Maybe they were branding us based on our talents (or lack thereof)?

Well, it didn’t matter in the end. I was exhausted, tired of walking for hours on end. I just wanted a place to sleep. I found somebody else in the same predicament as me, they can surely help me.

“Hey, you got a place to sleep? I’m tired...”

The mare flinched, nearly snapping one of the lyra’s chords. In fact, she jumped on all four, staring at me as if I was danger. “Uh... who are you?”

“M-Me? W-Well same thing as you. Saw a stupid... merchant and I, bought his shit... Never trust cosplayers, ‘kay?” Not so gracious, I was out of breath from this journey. I don’t really remember what happened afterward. I just sorta... crumbled before her and passed out.

When I woke up, I was no longer laying on the grass. Instead, I found myself on a comfy couch inside a house that looked nothing like the homes in my country. I couldn’t pinpoint where I was based on this architecture. It was vivid and colorful, simple yet pretty. Oh, and let’s not forget the two mares talking in front of me.

Two? There are more of us? So many people taken to this strange location. Or what if...

Nah, couldn’t be. The magical world, real? That’s a load of shit. Uh, what are they talking about? I should pay attention.

“And you didn’t think maybe this wasn’t a good idea?” The other mare said. She had a candy motif on her flank, which threw a monkey wrench in my theory. Maybe our talent isn’t what they used to brand us. Either that or this chick really loved candy.

“Why wouldn’t I? I can’t just leave a pony on the ground so close to the Everfree!” The lyra pony responded. It felt nice to have somebody be on my side.

“This could be dangerous! You of all ponies should know. You were there when it happened!”

When what happened? I feel like I’m missing a lot of contexts here. Now I’m just wondering how many people were stuffed in pony suits. Can’t be a whole lot, or else I’d be uncovering a conspiracy. I tend to not believe in ludicrous conspiracies.

You know, stuff like the secret Illuminati a certain German leader escaping his supposed death to start a new oppressive regime, bogus that came from our vivid imagination. Secret organisation hell bent on dominating the world? Pff! Can’t make me believe in that!

The lyra pony argued in my defence once again. “Yeah, well... even if he’s one, he’s alone! We’re not in danger, Bon Bon!”

Bon Bon? What kind of name is that? Is that like a secret codename or have they lost their memories. Probably the latter, I don’t remember what I did for a living, so they most likely forgot their names and made new one based on the motif on their flanks. Certainly, wouldn’t want that to happen to me. Hack Writer would make for a terrible and embarrassing name.

I raised my head, feeling as energetic as a puppy which caught their attention. The two mares were now staring at me tensely like I was a hydrogen bomb about to blow.

Bon Bon hissed, keeping her eyes on me. “Okay then, Lyra. We’ll see for ourselves if he’s dangerous or not.”

Lyra and Bon Bon. I guess I must be lucky to still remember my name!

“Can you tell us your name?” She asked of me.

I struggled to stand up, this body still felt weird on me. That may have been a bad decision. They were staring me down like I was about to pull a knife on them. “Uh, s-sure. I’m Daniel Brooks.”

Apparently, that was the wrong answer. The two mares exchanged uncertain looks, staying silent for an awkwardly long time. What, was I supposed to name myself after my motif? I don’t want that, and I hope they’re not going to impose it on me.

Finally, Lyra voiced her confusion. “I’m sorry to say this, but that’s a weird name.”

What? “You think my name’s weird?” First time that ever happened to me. Never really liked my name, never thought someone else would find it bad.

Bon Bon scratched her mane, her narrow eyes glued to mine. It’s like she was expecting me to make a sudden move or something. She looked really jumpy to me. “It certainly doesn’t sound... ponylike.”

I don’t get it. Why is my name supposed to sound ponylike? Aren’t we all humans... trapped... inside...

... a costume.

Oh no. Oh nonononono.

This isn’t happening.

I must be dreaming.

I must be in delirium.

Something’s wrong with me.

Must be!

I’m not in a suit, but that doesn’t mean this place’s real.

I’m drugged, somewhere in an alley without any clothes on.

No wait, that’s actually worse!

“Bon Bon... what’s going on with him? What did you say to upset him?”

“I don’t know! I just said his name isn’t ponylike! See? Told you I was right! No true pony would have a nervous breakdown in this situation.”

Okay, okay. Gotta keep it cool. Act like nothing happened. I stood up and emptied my brain. I’m fine, I’m normal like them! If I can prove to them that I’m not an imposter of sorts, they’re not going to attack me and I can get the hell out of here! If I got there, then I can leave and return home. That’s logical! Well, apart from the fact that unicorn magic is a thing.

“Sorry if I scared you. I was just, um, h-having a p-panic attack. It sorta happens when I’m, uh, in a-an unfamiliar place. I’m lost, like really really lost.” I blurted out. It came out terribly, but it was good enough to calm them down. They went from agitated and hostile to mistrustful and somewhat calm. But of course, there had to be another hurdle.

I somehow managed to move my wings, I don’t know how ‘cause I’m not used to having six limbs, but I did. They opened and promptly flopped pathetically on the ground, dangling.

“Huh.” Bon Bon scoffed. “How elegant.”

God damn it! I wanted to hop on a rocket, fly to the moon, curl up in a ball and weep for hours on end. Never before have I looked so utterly pathetic and stupid. “Y-Yeah... elegant.” Why am I repeating her words?

Lyra whispered something in her friend’s ear, keeping her curious eyes on me. That was it, they know I’m not one of them. I don’t even know what I should be dreading more. The fact that all of this madness is real or the fact that they’re about to turn on me.

Oh god, what if they jump me? I’m as defenseless as a baby in this body! I can’t fly away with these wings, much less walk with these awkward pony legs. “I, uh, I-I have a disability.”

Yikes, that sounds really awful to say but, in a way, it’s sorta true.

Bon Bon stared at my pitiful wings for a moment with a suspicious look in her eyes. “I’ve never seen a pegasus your age struggle with their wings that much...” She shrugged and relaxed her gaze. “Then again, I’m no pegasus.”

So, does that mean I’m free to go or?

Lyra rubbed her chin, probably remembering my first words to her. She chuckled. “I guess he’s just weird. By the way, what did you buy?”

“Bought what?” Oh crap! Did I tell her about the merchant? Probably shouldn’t have done that. If they learn he’s human, they’ll associate me with him and I’ll get lynched!

“I dunno, you tell me! You said something about buying from a merchant and being distrustful of cosplayers. Did you go to a Daring Do convention?” Lyra asked, getting a bit too close for comfort. I could tell just from her eyes that she must be a very curious person, er, pony. That’s bad enough when you’re trying to hide a very important fact, so I should find a way to leave as quickly as humanely possible.

Should I just roll with it or... Yeah, let’s do this.

“Um, yeah I did. I-I then lost my way after I realised, I got, uh, scammed and lost all my Daring Do stuff.” Hope that was convincing enough.

Apparently, that wasn’t enough to satiate the mare’s curiosity. Lyra fired multiple questions in rapid succession. I honestly didn’t remember a single one. It just went by too fast. Wasn’t she supposed to be the one on my side? This is starting to feel like an interrogation. “Gné?”

Bon Bon came to the rescue with a light smack across the back of Lyra’s head. “Lyra, that’s enough; you’re bothering him.”

“Sorry. I kinda got carried away.”

Wasn’t expecting her to come to my aid. “So, does that mean I can leave? I want to return home if you don’t mind.”

Bon Bon narrowed her eyes for a bit. Thankfully she came around and gave me the benefit of the doubt. “Yeah, but if you try anything funny out there; I will have a little chat with you.”

“That’s a bit of a problem. I’m a funny person if I do say so.”

“What?”

“N-Nothing.”

You are an idiot, Daniel.

Author's Note

I'm back. Didn't take long as I predicted. I guess I just can't resist the siren's call of writing.

And yes, I did just take a jab at the RE4 Merchant in displaced fics.

So, yep. It's a HiE story. These kinds of stories just irked me for some reason, but not when the human in question is turned into a pony. So I thought I could give HiE a shot. I vowed that I would never write one unless I have a good enough idea in mind and lo and behold, I just did a week before I finished Never Alone. This story won't be as long as my previous one, I'm not ready to take on another challenge like that anytime soon! But I'm aiming for something in between 20k and 50k words.

Oh what am I saying? I'll probably go above 50k. I'm not really good keeping my word!

2. The only friends I can count on

Oh...

Oh no. I should have seen this coming, yet I didn’t. I’m in the middle of a town. It’s filled with ponies trotting everywhere. Medieval fantasy-esque architecture, a large statue in the middle of town and large mountains surrounding the place.

Which way is home? I don’t know, and at this point, I believe my way home isn’t going to be a simple road that leads back to humanity. If there are unicorns who can play instrument with magic alone, surely there’s some sort of portal that leads back to Earth... assuming I’m on another planet which at this point doesn’t seem far-fetched to me.

Well, nothing can be considered far-fetched anymore. I was literally talking to two magical ponies. Impossible as a concept doesn’t exist anymore.

Say, does that mean these wings can fly? Realistically, no, they’re too small to take off but in a world of talking unicorns...

A pegasus just flew by town, soaring through the sky at a blinding speed. It was so fast I could barely see it move! That means I was right about one thing. I should at least learn to fly before I go back home. It’s not every day I get to fly on my own, no need to hop on a plane. These wings are meant to fly.

Unfortunately, when I tried to move them, they fell, struggling to raise themselves from the dirt. I can’t get them to move the way I want them to! Eventually, I decided to hide next to a barrel to practice moving them. It was weird, but I was starting to get the hang of it.

My wings raised and lowered slowly at my command. I must have come across as pretty dumb ‘cause I earned some sympathetic looks from the ponies that passed by. Some even tossed a gold coin at my feet, er, hooves.

Hold on, a gold coin? An actual gold coin?

Holy shit! If I take this home with me, I could become a millionaire, assuming I can get my han-hooves on enough coins.

No... I can’t pass off as a homeless man. That’s immoral. But then again...

“I’m starving, can I get some coins so I can feed myself?”

To my surprise, ponies were far more willing to hand out coins to homeless people than humans. Almost every single one of them that saw me tossed a coin. In under thirty minutes, I got twenty coins already!

I saw a stallion pass by. Grey coat, black hair and a clover on his flank. Was his talent luck? If so, he should have some money to spare. Alright, let’s give it a shot. “A few coins to help out a starving pony?”

He stopped and stared at me for a few seconds. And he stared, for a long time. The others threw their coin rather quickly, but this one, he took his time to fixate me. Oh crap, I must have said something wrong, didn’t I?

“Um, a-a few coi-”

“Hold it right there.” He held a hoof out, narrowing his eyes as he approached me. He stopped just before my pile of well-earned coins.

Since I was currently sitting, I had to raise my head to even meet his eyes. It made him look all the more imposing. My body started to grow hot and itchy. He was about to find out the truth!

Pointing at the pile, he said “You call these coins?”

Uh oh, did I say it wrong all along? How do you even call these then?! “Y-Yeah, I guess.”

“You do know these are not coins, whatever that is. Those are bits.”

Bits? How was I supposed to know that?! Did I really spend thirty entire minutes giving myself away? “O-Oh, my bad sir. I simply forgot what they were called, so I named them coins. I, uh, suffer from amnesia. I lost my home and my family. I believe I also hit my head pretty hard.”

The clover stallion smiled. Was that a good thing or...

“Let’s state the obvious here, you’re not who you pretend to be.” Oh crap! The stallion looked behind him, thankfully there was nopony around us so I could simply book it and just hope I can learn to fly on a whim.

“But that’s okay, neither am I.”

“W-What? You mean to tell me that... you too.”

He nodded, taking a seat next to me. He lowered his voice as he spoke “Yes, I believe we’re in the same boat. I don’t suppose you’re lost too.”

I smiled. For once somebody here who’s not out for my blood! “Yes! I’m lost too, I don’t even remember how I got here.”

His eyes widened. “Oh, it’s that bad, huh? My memory’s still mostly intact, not that it helps with finding my way home. I have my family waiting for me there, they need me.”

“My family doesn’t really need me, but they’d probably be freaking out if they find out I’m gone.” I said, leaning against the house that previously trapped me with two arguing mares.

“They can feed themselves just fine, then?” My new friend sighed. “That’s great. I just feel my little brother’s too reliant on me. He can’t get anything done without me around. That’s not a good thing, mind you. I never go too far outside; I stay close to our home so it’s not like I bring in the food most of the time. It’s also why I’m horribly lost.”

I can understand, we’re both not used to navigating on our own. Much less without a phone in my case. If I just had a phone, I could... on second thought, never mind. I don’t expect there to be Internet. I can only trust my instincts to navigate this new land.

“If it’s any consolation, I don’t go out too often myself.”

“I suppose that makes this a trial for us. To prove we deserve to go back home, we must find our way on our own.” The (in reality human) stallion said, gazing at the blue sky.

Okay, so he’s going to be that kind of guy. I’m guessing he’ll say something about honor and duty eventually. Keep that in mind.

“Still, I see you’re trying to earn their currency, which is good. You must at least have some degree of knowledge on the way ponies work. Wealth equals power.” The stallion affirmed, which I mean, yes. Where there is intelligence, there will always be an economy, social hierarchy and whatnot. I need some of that power.

Hey, come to think of it. “What’s your name? I believe we should know each other if we’re to go on this quest together. My name’s Dan-”

“Don’t say it!” he warned, pressing a hoof against my mouth. “Can’t you see the ponies around here are all on edge? They're expecting us to me among them! If they overhear our real names, we’d be in trouble. We need to have pony names. I’ll only tell you my real name once we’d be home.”

“H-Hold on... I told my real name to two ponies earlier. Is that gonna bite me in the ass?” Judging from his worried look, it will. I told him the full context so that he wouldn’t jump to conclusion, smart, I know.

“You have to make up one on the spot. Find an excuse to explain your mishap.” He groaned, staring silently at a couple of ponies passing by. “You’ve really picked a bad place to get lost. It takes a lot of effort to impersonate a pony and judging by your clumsiness, and pitiful usage of your wings too, you’ll need some guidance in how to act like a pony.”

“O...kay, but you didn’t give me your name. Pony name of course.”

He looked at the motif on his flank. “Call me Lucky Clover.”

Oh no way in hell I’m calling myself Hack Writer. “What should be my pony name, then?”

Lucky Clover stared at my flank, which honestly felt extremely weird. Is it normal for ponies to look at each other's flank like it’s not blatant sexual harassment? “You should call yourself Hack Wri-”

“Hell no.”

Well, Lucky Clover left, but not without scheduling our next meeting. Apparently, we shouldn’t always be seen together, or else the town might single us out. That guy must have been like a soldier or a general, ‘cause he went straight to giving me orders, talking about discipline, kept referring to us as infiltrators. He did leave me a bag for my bits, which is nice.

For my first mission in this unit (really? He’s calling us a unit?), I must make some friends to seem less suspicion and to potentially have some ponies on my side should I be called out. Come to think of it, these ponies probably have a courtroom, with lawyers and prosecutors. I’m kinda curious to see how trials are done in this land, but at the same time I don’t want to be caught. Who knows, maybe they do give death sentences here.

But first and foremost, I gotta eat. I’ve been terribly hunger ever since I woke up, and with all that money, er, bits, I can buy some food. This place really seems old fashioned, maybe because it’s a small town in world that doesn’t appear to be too technologically advanced, though I did see a fridge inside Lyra and Bon Bon’s house, which just confuses me. Do they already have electricity?

I’m getting off topic, what I wanted to say was that there are multiple stands in the town’s market. Vegetables, fruits and hay... dogs. I think I’ll pass on the hay related stuff. It’s weird that they have ponified hot dogs, though not the strangest by far. Still weird that there are some similarities between human and pony culture. I may be a pony now, but I have a strange feeling that I’m going to barf should I eat hay.

Ooh, apples. That looks like a good start. I trotted there slowly, trying not to fumble my steps. Thankfully I can control my wings somewhat, so no more floppy wings. I’m an ordinary pony, living in the streets and nothing more.

I approached the apple stand. There was an orange mare smiling brightly, wearing a cowboy hat. And she had freckles too, white freckles. I can’t really wrap my head around this one. I’ve never seen a horse or pony with freckles before. In a way, these ponies feel strangely... human. Everything about this is freaking weird!

“Howdy, pardner! Ah see yer lookin’ mighty hungry!” The apple mare exclaimed in a country accent. Another similarity between ponies and humans. I’m half expecting her to be Texan and carry a shotgun under her stand.

“Uh, yeah. I’d like to have an apple. Um, scratch that, make it two.” I raised a hoof subconsciously, trying to make a two with my fingers. Did I mention it’s weird not being able to feel your fingers? I feel like an amputee in this body, nothing makes sense and I’m missing so much of what made me a dexterous being.

The apple mare nodded. “That’ll be two bits!”

I laughed internally. Gee, one gold coin for one apple. People would be nuts if that ever happened in our world. I placed the two bits on the stand with my mouth. It felt pretty awkward to shove my entire mouth in a bag to pull out two bits. I must look silly right now. I hope I won’t be here for long; else I’ll feel more accommodated to my pony body rather than my actual one.

I left with the two apples, one in my bag and another balanced on my arm, or hoof if you prefer. Yeah, maybe ponies can’t eat while moving like humans do. No, it’s just a pony and pegasus problem because unicorns can lift their food with magic just fine. I’m starting to feel like there might be a superior race in this world.

Hey, think there are discourse amongst the three races? Surely. I mean, I’m kinda grateful to have wings. If I was stuck as a regular ass pony I’d be pissed. They don’t really seem to have any form of compensation for having no wings and no magic. Sucks to be them, I guess.

And sucks to be me too, I can’t fly for shit.

I moved to a park where there were a few benches. Honestly, sitting down on that bench and eating an apple in the middle of a park felt good. It’s something I’ve never tried before, not that I go out too much so just sitting there, enjoying the scenery felt like an adventure. Disregarding all my worries, terrifying implications and infiltrator stuff, this world looked nice.

Peaceful, very in touch with nature and colorful as well. Spending some time here probably isn’t as bad as I initially thought.

There was just a little problem, again something that has to do with my new body. Sitting as a human and as a pony isn’t the same thing. Before I sat, I watched a couple of sitting ponies to get an idea of how I should be seated.

So, problem fixed, except not really. Sitting down like a horse is awkward. My body and mind aren’t used to it. Eating that godforsaken apple was a trial in of itself. I had to balance the freaking thing on my hoof like I was a circus performer just to take a bite outta it. That apple took me minutes to finish.

And then, just because the world felt like spiting me, I saw Lyra again. She was sitting on a bench and guess what? She was sitting down like, a, human. Ass on the seat, back lying against the bench and everything. Nobody gave a shit about her.

What, so you’re gonna tell me I can sit like a human and that won’t cause any problem, but God forbid I say gold coin? Bullshit! I just felt like getting out of here, but sadly, the unicorn noticed me.

“Oh hey, didn’t think I’d see you again!”

Oh, I wish I wouldn’t be seeing any pony ever again. I’m just too pathetic and lost to leave. So pathetic in fact I begged in the back of your house. “Same.” I guess the interrogation is on. Better not let anything slip out.

“Thought you were heading home. I guess you just couldn’t resist the beautiful Ponyville park!”

Ponyville, how original. “I mostly couldn’t resist my appetite.” I waved my apple around, and promptly dropped it on the floor. Crap, five second rule!

Lyra giggled, taunting me with her human seating position. I thought we humans were despised! “You’re quite the clumsy pony, huh? I didn’t think I’d ever see somepony who’s a match for Derpy!”

Somepony... Derpy. I guess they don’t say “somebody”. I see, they might speak the same language as me, but that doesn’t mean they talk exactly like humans. “You’re mocking me, aren’t you?”

Lyra scoffed. “Relax, I’m just teasing! I just think you’re a pretty funny pony, and rather confidant for a pony that struggles to eat an apple.”

That’s called a front, Lyra. I’d be ripped apart if I showed any weakness. That’s lesson 101 for espionage with Lucky Clover. Maybe he’s CIA? That’ll be cool. Just imagine being friends with a CIA agent. Could be dangerous too...

“So, you’re gonna eat that apple?”

Oops! I was thinking too much. “Yeah, yeah. I’m just... wiping the dirt away.” God, that was so awkward. But since she’s here, I could learn a thing or two about this world. I just need to ask the right questions, frame it like it’s not a question. “Back there, you two were arguing about bringing me in.”

Lyra blinked. “Oh, yeah. I kinda promised to Bon Bon I’d be more careful after my trip to Canterlot, so she kinda saw that as me breaking my promise and got rightfully angry. I mean, ponies that come from the Everfree Forest are rarely good news.”

The Everfree Forest? It did look a little scary on the inside. I only moved on the outskirts, following the lake so I didn’t see any danger. I guess that forest must be especially dangerous. “Oh, that makes sense. Outsiders don’t seem too welcome here.”

Lyra waved a hoof. “Oh, don’t let that taint your view of Ponyville! This town is super nice and friendly usually. Ponies right now are just scared, but it’ll pass, eventually.”

Something bad happened here and I don’t know. Now that’s the tricky part, I must find out what without giving away the fact I know nothing. The fact they don’t say it openly must mean it was pretty bad.

“It’s that bad, huh? I hope they won’t see me as a bad omen or something.”

Lyra sighed, lowering her head. “Bon Bon’s already forbidden me from getting near you. If the other ponies find out you came from the Everfree...”

I gritted my teeth, my mind already imagining all sorts of horrific ends to my life should that happen. “Are you gonna tell the others?”

“I’m not sure I should... but Bon Bon probably will. Don’t get it wrong, she’s not mean or anything. Just a really protective pony.”

Protective or mean doesn’t mean anything to me! It’s danger either way!

Wait, I just got an idea. The way she’s sitting... “Hey, doesn’t it feel uncomfortable to sit like that?” Brillant, now she’ll tell me something I actually want to know!

Lyra looked down. “Not really. I mean, I often catch weird looks from other ponies, and I understand why. I believe I’m the only pony who sits like that.”

There! What could this mean? Could Lyra be more human than I initially imagined? Maybe, but I can’t ask that unless I’m certain she is. Then again, I suppose I can’t be 100% sure, Lucky Clover did take a leap of faith when he told me the truth.

I suppose I’ll classify Lyra for now as a “good pony”. If I’m ever in trouble, I’ll go to Lucky Clover or her. If a real pony vouches for me then I should be good, right?

“Why do you even sit like that? Did you perhaps saw a creature that sits like that? That position is entirely new to me.”

To my disappointment, Lyra simply shrugged in response. Maybe she’s nothing more than an oddball and I’m looking too deeply in her case. Still, she can be an ally and, in a world where my kind is detested, that goes a long way.

“Huh, maybe I can-”

“Lyra!”

Oh, crap! It’s Bon Bon! Shit’s about to hit the fan!

The candy pony stomped towards her friend, glaring at me. She ignored the park’s path, moving through the grass to get to us. The fury in her eyes screamed danger. Quick, Lyra! Say something!

“Oh, Bonny! Uh...” Well, not that!

Bon Bon stopped before her unicorn friend and scowled. “I told you not to get near him! He could be dangerous! We know nothing about this pegasus. For all we know, he could be an imposter!”

Imposter? Who the hell am I impersonating?!

Wait, does that mean I’ve taken over the body of an actual pony when I was transported in the Everfree forest? If it is, then I’m terribly sorry to whoever just lost their body.

No, wait! Maybe we switched bodies in which case going back home might just be solved with a spell! Yes, I must find a unicorn who can do such a thing! But first, I must get Bon Bon off me.

She’s glaring at me. Clearly, she knows something’s up! “What are you doing here?”

“I’m just eating an apple. I was hungry.” That was the truth. The best of lies often have the truth sprinkled in. I just need to figure out how to get good at lying, the most useful skill in this world, for me of course.

“Sure... just stay clear of Lyra. I’ve got my eyes on you, Daniel. Don’t take me for a gullible fool. I know you’re hiding something and if you decide to stay in Ponyville; I’ll find out what’s your secret.” Bon Bon threatened. Despite being a cute talking pony, I was pretty scared. She seemed like a smart pony, and one that had a secret of her own. Those kinds of ~~people~~ ponies are always the worst. They can smell weakness.

“It’s not one you’ll be interested in. I assure you I’m not a danger or an imposter. I’m just a lost, er, pegasus who wants to get back home.”

Bon Bon narrowed her eyes. After a long stare down, she diverted her attention to her friend. “Lyra, I thought I told you to get away from him!”

“Oh, sorry. I’ll get going...” Lyra left, glancing over her shoulder at us.

Fancy, the only real pony I can count on is friends with perhaps my one and only mortal enemy. At least, I have two friends I can count on. But I should speed things up and look for a competent unicorn immediately, else Bon Bon’ll figure out the truth. And that... will be game over.

Author's Note

Things just got more interesting. Two beings stuck in a town they shouldn't be in, one eager to help unicorn and one suspicious earth pony. We also got some odd pieces of information. The big picture here seems rather clouded. Lots of missing pieces... we'll put them back together eventually.

3. Danger on the horizon

I said I would look for a unicorn who’s great at magic. That took some time, a lot of time to do. Not because finding said unicorn was hard, but because I asked myself way too many questions which lead to self-doubt which led to a long philosophical moment of asking myself if I’d look suspicious doing that. Eventually, I decided to go for it and ask.

Surprisingly easy, the townsfolk pointed me to a mare named Twilight Sparkle, the owner of a library called the Golden Oak. The tree’s not golden nor does it have anything alluding to gold but whatever... I now know where to find the magic’s expert.

The hard part? Going back home with her aid. I can’t say what I am, nor that I want to go to planet Earth, ‘cause that’ll be a dead giveaway of my true nature. That means I must use the art of deception and manipulation, something I’m slowly getting good at. No, what am I saying; I’m not good at it. I almost blew my cover like three times already. I’m bad at hiding secrets, which might explain why nobody ever confessed their secrets to me.

Twilight Sparkle... oh yeah, I can use her to return home. Since this place is considered as a local library, I figured I can just enter immediately. Heading inside, I was greeted by a cozy looking place. The entire library was a literal tree! It was inviting. The walls were bookshelves, there were stairs leading up and down.

Overall, probably the nicest library I ever visited. The lavender unicorn in the middle of the room jumped the moment I entered. Didn’t hear a bell or anything when I entered which is odd. Usually there’s something to make a sound to alert the owner that a customer has entered.

Twilight Sparkle didn’t seem too pleased by my sudden arrival. “Oh, could you please knock before you enter? That was impolite.”

Impolite? That’s a library, people don’t knock on the door to enter. That’s like knocking on a store’s front door, that’s pointless! “Well, this is a local library.”

“You must not be from Ponyville, am I right?”

How did she figure that? Don’t tell me I’ve landed on another smarty pant! “Uh, correct..?”

Twilight smiled. “Figured, everypony around here knows that this library also functions as my house so, they knock before they enter.”

That explains how. Still, she’s clever and quick to pick up on things. Might be too dangerous to stand around her... and that voice. I swore I heard it before. It reminds me of someone, but who?

“Anyway, I’m pleased to meet somepony new. Welcome to the Golden Oak library. I’m always happy to help a pony who’s interested in literature!” Twilight greeted, still in that voice that taunts my brain with its familiarity. I’ve heard it before, plenty of times but I can’t place my finger on who. Whose voice is this?

“That’s nice. I’m interested in a book regarding magic.”

Twilight’s eyes sparkled (nice) with excitement. “You didn’t specify which type of magic. Am I to assume you’re interested in other forms of magic?”

Uh, shit. I don’t know a thing about magic, much less the types of magic. I’ve got to throw in a wild guess. Looking at her horn, I decided to go with the simplest answer, since I want to use her magic. “Unicorn... magic?”

Twilight blinked. “Wow, I’ve rarely seen a pegasus interested in learning about unicorn magic. Makes sense, you can’t use our magic so most don’t even want to bother with it but you’re different. You sound like somepony who has a thirst for knowledge.” She moved to a shelf, fumbling through the books with her magic.

Damn, so chatty, so familiar. I only know it’s been a while since I’ve heard that voice. Come to think of it, Twilight Sparkle sounds familiar. Feels like my brain is slowly recovering memories lost to time. “Y-Yeah, well, there’s a lot to unicorn magic and I was just curious to see how far... you, I mean unicorns in general, can go.”

“Oh?” Twilight glanced back. “Well just a quick reminder, not every unicorn can do what’s written in these books. It takes a unicorn with a special talent in magic to do the more advanced spells, which would be me as you can see by my cutie mark.” she showed her flank to me. Again, another thing I find uncomfortable with this world. Everybody, I’m sorry, everypony here is perfectly fine with showing their rear ends.

Hell, the things that makes them special is on their ass! “I see. Is there anypony else in this town who can do advanced magic?”

Twilight Sparkle shook her head. “I’m afraid not. You’ll find most of the talented unicorns in Canterlot, where there’s a school dedicated to honing a pony’s talent in magic. I’m the only pony in town who comes from that school.”

Gee, what an expository machine. Are they all that comfortable with being transparent? Most of the people I encountered refused to give the littlest of information unless I directly ask them. Meanwhile, Twilight gives out all sorts of answers to questions I never asked. It’s nice, actually. “That’s cool, what can you do?”

Pulling out a book, the lavender mare approached me with the book I wanted. A complete guide to unicorn magic. It’s... quite the chunky book. “A lot of things. Too much to list, but I can tell you a few.”

“Go ahead, I have all day.”

Twilight smiled happily. “Well, for starters, one of the most impressive spells I’ve learned is teleportation.”

Holy shit, that sounds so cool.

“Then, I’ve learned to turn apples into oranges.”

Meh, sounds rather lame and pointless.

“I mastered telekinesis to the point I can fix an entire dam by myself.”

Okay, she’s extremely powerful too. Smart and powerful, too traits that spells danger to me.

“And I can grow butterfly wings on a pony, but that’s not really practical spell since the wings can burn in the sunlight.”

“Is there like a limit to what you can do?”

Twilight giggled. “Oh, of course! There are so many spells, I couldn’t have possibly learned all of them so soon! Maybe one day...”

That’s a guarantee considering you live in a library. Anyway, I finally left with the book in hand... hoof.

And then I returned to the park, making sure Lyra or Bon Bon isn’t in my immediate vicinity. I opened the book, which was a lot harder than I imagined. Remember, no fingers, and I got to read. Thankfully, as with the language of the ponies, I could read their writing.

The book covered the basis of unicorn magic, especially telekinesis, the spell most unicorns learn first. It’s also the spell that I wished I had to compensate for the loss of my fingers. Wings are cool, but not really versatile. Magic is, and now I’m jealous.

Makes me wonder if unicorns aren’t liked by the other ponies, especially the regular ones. No wings, no magic, just plain boring. It must suck to be them.

Twilight Sparkle mentioned she can teleport. I found that spell in the book. It doesn’t seem to be what I’m looking for, however. I wonder if there’s something like a body swapping spell. Hm... no, that may not be the solution. I’m going off a mere hypothesis here. If my guess is incorrect, I might be putting myself in more danger.

Still, I have not found a better explanation to my predicament, so I suppose I’ll roll with this initial plan until something comes to disprove my theory.

Beginner level, novice level, adept level, expert level, it took me a while to find that body swapping spell. Listed as an expert level spell, it seemed possible that Twilight could do it. The only problem, however, was that the spell needed the two bodies to be close for it to work. Being apart on two different world is not close at all.

Well okay then, maybe a, uh... portal could do the trick? If I can’t have my body back, I at least want to get my house back.

“I’ll be honest with you; I don’t see how learning about unicorn magic is going to help our case.” Holy shit, I nearly freaking jumped! Lucky Clover snuck up on me while I was reading. How long he was standing behind me, I don’t know!

“What do you mean by that? Unicorn magic can get us back home.” I defended my stance on the matter, thought he didn’t seem convinced that my idea held any weight.

“I see you’re reading about portal spells. You do realise that to work, the caster must know where the destination, right?”

“Why would that- oh...” Yeah, I can’t tell Twilight Sparkle where I’m heading so the spell simply cannot work.

But now that Lucky Clover is here, I can ask him a few things that are on my mind right now.

“Say, is it just me or could I have heard Twilight’s voice before?”

The stallion’s eyes widened. “Hold on, did you seriously borrow that book from her? That’s the single, most dangerous pony you can ever encounter in this entire town!”

Oh. “Well, she didn’t suspect anything. Sounded rather friendly when I mentioned I wanted to learn about magic.”

Lucky Clover sighed, hopping over the bench to sit in it. “If you bring up literature, it’ll distract her. Good call, I see you at least knew your stuff before going in. I haven’t even tried to enter the Golden Oak, gives off a bad mojo if you ask me.”

Still didn’t answer my initial question. I heard her voice before. Now that I think about it, it probably wasn’t in person. Maybe her voice was similar to a TV host or something...

As I looked up, I saw a pegasus taking a nap. On a cloud! “Wha-how?”

My new friend chuckled. “First time seeing pegasus magic in action! Boy you really must have been sheltered! It’s common knowledge that pegasi can stand on clouds.”

I know next to nothing about pegasi other than the fact they are horses with wings. I can’t verify his statement.

Well, if they can walk on clouds, then I should at least try to seem less suspicious by doing so. I stood up, ready to use my wings for the first time. I’ll never learn to fly if I don’t try, but just before I could reach for the sky, Lucky stopped me.

“I did say pegasi can walk on clouds. That’s the key thing, only the real ones can. We’re clearly not pegasi at the core, so I doubt we can pull off such a feat. If we screw up in front of them, it’ll be a dead giveaway. So... wouldn’t try if I were you. Just saying.”

Ugh... can’t I do anything cool for once? Am I just a downgraded pegasus? “I can fly at least, can’t I?”

Lucky Clover gave me a look of utter incomprehension. “Well, yeah of course. Just use your wings... You do know how to fly, right?”

“Um, that would be a no. Just got here, remember?”

My explanation didn’t quite work to convince the stallion that I was essentially a chicken in my current state. He muttered something under his breath before sprouting his wings. “Alright then, this calls for a flight lesson. So listen up, and listen good, newbie. I will make you reach for the sky in minutes, and that is a fact! Now, you will drop this book and stand at attention!”

Yep, I was right. He’s clearly a soldier under that pegasus body. “Okay... I’m, um, standing at attention.”

“You’re still eyeballing this book, newbie! How can you learn to fly if you can’t focus for one second?! There are many, many dangers in the sky. You can’t assume it’s like a peaceful stroll down a road. Birds, other pegasi, even dragons can accidentally fly into you if you’re not paying attention!”

Right, that makes sense. It’s not like I’m a plane flying in a controlled state in the sky. Danger can come from the front, the back, above and below which is much different than walking where I only have to pay attention to what’s ahead of me. Be right back after this training montage.

Okay, so... no. No, I’m not telling you how it went. I’ll just say the embarrassment came real close to killing me. As it turns out, suddenly being a flying animal is hard. Using these things is really not intuitive, which explains why there are flight school in Cloudsdale. It’s a city above the clouds meant for pegasi. I get that they can walk on clouds, but building on clouds? I don’t know how they can do that and I’m certain I’ll never find out.

Anyway, the lesson ended and now I’m left on a tree branch, with Lucky Clover snickering over my tired body. Boy am I glad that phones do not exist here! People would be having a field day if they could record my first ever flight lesson.

My poor friend had to invent an excuse about me being disabled to explain my major fuckup. So here I am, burying my face in my furry hooves, wondering how long I’m going to be stuck here.

Lucky Clover flew back to me. “Well, I got them off your back for now. Still, it’ll be hard for you to stay under the radar with that embarrassment of a lesson.”

“Gee, thanks for sticking the knife in. You know, maybe next time we could practice away from Ponyville? That’ll keep me under the radar.”

I glanced at his motif, starting to feel a little jealous. His was a lucky clover, as his pony name would imply. Good luck sounds much better than my crummy deal which isn’t even a talent, it’s just a diss at this point.

“If it’s any consolation, you did better than most foals would on their first time.” God, that only made it worse!

“Yeah, being better than the bottom of the barrel isn’t much consolation. You’re gonna give me a banana or something for my ‘consolation prize’?”

Lucky sighed. “Not like you’d get much out of it.” He glanced at the sky, noticing it was getting dark. “Celestia’s sun is going down, did you get something to eat?”

Man, now that he mentioned it. I was pretty damn hungry! With the money, I mean bits, I have I can eat at a restaurant or do my groceries, though I have no place to stay. “Nah, your training has given me quite the appetite. Wanna crash at a restaurant or?”

“I know a cheap place that sells good food, and quickly too at that!” Hold on, do they have fast food in this world? “Though you might want to find something better afterward. That restaurant just isn’t going to cut it.”

Well as it turned out, yes! I’m standing before the pony equivalent of a McDonalds. After spending an entire day without eating, I can say I’m hungry like a hippo! Even the interior looked like your average fast-food restaurant.

I gotta say, it’s weird to know I’m in a completely different world, yet it operates so similarly to Earth. It’s like we somehow had some influences over this world, or maybe it’s just a pure coincidence.

Lucky Clover and I ordered two hayburgers, which I’m guessing is the pony equivalent of a hamburger. Two loaves of bread, ketchup and cheese, but the beef is replaced with hay. I now know why he said this restaurant wasn’t going to cut it. The hay wasn’t doing it for me. Almost made me wanna throw up, but the rest of the burger was tasty.

Lucky also had the same problem. I could see it in his face, cringing with every bite he took. It’s quite an achievement really, to make me wish for a hamburger. Normally I like to eat healthy and avoid fast food restaurant, but I can make an exception for this. If I’m starving, anything’s free game.

“See? I told you this wasn’t going to cut it. Our diet’s different. What we need to eat is the one thing that fuels us.”

I nodded, occasionally glancing at the other tables. The hard part was to eat meat. It’s a rarity in a world ruled by herbivores. I have to hunt for my meat. The first thing that came to mind was fish.

If I can find a river nearby, I can catch some fish and cook them, which is also a problem since I need to learn to make a fire.

“Is that going to be a problem?” Lucky Clover asked.

“Uh, no. I think I figured it out. I don’t suppose you already got your food covered.”

He nodded, placing down whatever was left of his hayburger. “I’m good for now, but I’m afraid I’ll have to find a riskier option soon. My reserve’s running out.” Glad to know it’s not a me problem.

Well, since we’re together in a mostly discreet location. “Anyway, care to tell me more about yourself? I believe we should know each other since we’re working together.”

Lucky Clover wiped the ketchup stains off his mouth, cringing. “Okay then... I’m not really sure what else I can tell you.”

“How about you start by telling me how you got here?”

He blinked. “Well, I’m certain you already know the answer to that. I mean, it’s the same thing as you.”

Oh, so he met the merchant, did the whole incantation and came here. “So you just landed here in Ponyville or where you sent elsewhere?”

Lucky Clover frowned. “Close by. Since I was lost and disoriented, I figured Ponyville was just going to be a small stop. Turns out, I’ve been here for days and I still can’t remember the way home. I just... knew it before the damn blast.”

“Oh, that’s unfortunate. I was counting on you to return home. Don’t you have any idea? I’ve been thinking of a few, but I don’t believe they’re gonna work.” Twilight Sparkle is a no go. Anything involving unicorn magic is a dead end. Unless there’s a natural portal somewhere we could jump in, I don’t see how we’re returning to Earth.

My last idea was to somehow compel a pony here to aid use despite knowing our true nature. Lyra seemed like the only pony fit for the job, but Bon Bon made sure that plan was destined to be a horrible failure.

That leaves us with only chance and geography as our allies. Not a good look.

“I see. Well, we’ll keep searching, maybe subtly ask some of the ponies here for direction and then we’ll head home by ourselves. With our wings, we can go just about anywhere.” Lucky proposed.

“I know a pony here who seems fairly optimistic. I could give her a shot.”

That idea pleased my new friend. And so, we split off, making sure our meetings are no less than thirty minute to avoid drawing suspicion. I went to fish off my food at a nearby pond near the Everfree Forest. Difficult, oh so difficult with hooves but eventually I managed to snatch one. I’ll spare you the boring and embarrassing details regarding the fire, just that I finally got it working.

I can call that an accomplishment, to cook a fish by myself. Too bad this new skill won’t help me at all once I get home. It’ll be back to buying my groceries. In fact, none of what I’ll learn here will truly help in our human society. This is all a big waste of time! I’ll make sure to beat up that merchant once I see him again.

Anyway, once my meal was over, I was full. No longer starving which meant I can now return to my task. I walked back to Ponyville and searched for Lyra’s house. I passed by a fancy looking house, think it’s a shop based on its name alone, Carousel Boutique. Um, the whole place just screamed gaudy so I didn’t stic-

“Ooh, I don’t think I’ve seen you before!”

Uh... crap.

I spun around and saw a white mare approaching me. Her mane was in a spiral shape, something that just defied gravity itself. Everything about her screamed gaudy. From her eyelashes to her mane to her motif. Three gems, was I looking at a stereotype or something?

“And you seem fairly handsome. Would you be a dear and help a mare out?” Uh, please don’t let it come to that. I’m no pony so I can’t judge their perception of beauty. I only knew that I didn’t want to stick around, but now I guess I’ll have no other choice but to help her out, else I’ll run the risk of looking suspicious.

“S-Sure, I guess.” Immediately, the white mare grabbed me by the foreleg and dragged me inside her boutique.

Just before she shut the door, however, I saw my good friend Lucky Clover again. I expected him to mock me for being dragged around like a kid but instead he looked genuinely stressed. He stuck his lips out and muttered something I could only decipher as being “danger” and “foe”.

“I apologise in advance if Ponyville seems a bit unwelcoming to you. We all had a terrible run-in a few days ago with those dreadful imposters, especially my friends and me. Some still suspect that they’re among us, but I’d rather believe they’re gone for good.”

Oh. Danger...

Author's Note

There's danger 'round the corner. I know that, because I forgot to delete my browser history after doing the unspeakable and also my fan broke at 1 AM. Not a problem, I have another one! Oh, I have to assemble it first.
Oh sure thing! Let me assemble a fucking fan at 1 AM when I have a class starting at 8 AM. Where am I going with this? Nowhere! Life isn't a story that makes sense. Some people learn valuable lessons after having a near death experience. I learn a valuable lesson assembling a fucking fan at 1 AM. Don't go to bed late when you have important classes the following day, kids.

Yes, this is stupid.

Oh, reminds me of a funny story.

One day, I was walking with my friend near the woods close to our high school when suddenly, a freaking car just appeared behind us. That was confusing, because there were zero entrances big enough to fit a entire fucking car. How that thing got there is beyond me. All I know was that we jumped out the way and watched him drive down the rocky road of the woods. Another kid that was in the woods with us came to the driver to ask him what the hell he was doing. The driver only told him "Never smoke crack, kid". :twilightoops: Huh?! Who the hell are you to tell us that?!

4. Double Whammy

Okay so, I’m in danger. Apparently, this white mare right here is dangerous. Sounded like a pony who’s had multiple run ins with our kind. That meant I had to put on my best poker face, let nothing slip through. That's easier said than done.

“I’m terribly sorry if I’m bothering you, but you just looked like the perfect stallion for the job!” the white unicorn explained, albeit vaguely.

“What job, exactly?” I asked as neutrally as possible, letting no emotion slip through.

The indigo haired mare levitated multiple clothes near her stage. “Why, I just need somepony to put these clothes on so I can evaluate them!”

This sounds like a test. She’s testing me, forcing me to stay close to her so she can evaluate me, not the clothes. Of course, hours have passed since I left Lyra and Bon Bon’s house, it should come as no surprise that rumors have begun to spread about me. I practically told them my real name. She knows I’m Daniel, but I know nothing about her.

“Sure thing, I just want to know your name first, before I get on stage.”

The mare’s eyes widened as she held a hoof to her mouth in shock. “Oh! My apologies, I don’t want to come across a rude, believe me. I am Rarity, the owner of Carousel Boutique, a place for chic fashion. If you ever want to put on something fancy, look no further than here!”

Rarity is quite the chatty pony. I should expect a barrage of question coming my way while I put on her designed clothes. This... is going to be a tough one.

“First I’d like to start with this tuxedo. It’s a little more than simple and modest, however, I added a few delightful touches to make it stand out.”

Rarity then pointed me to a dressing room for me to put on the tuxedo. Now, why do ponies need a dressing room when they’re always naked? I don’t know, and it felt strangely human for a race that’s so far removed from us. And as expected, Rarity started asking me questions while I was dressing myself.

“Now that we have some time to spare, may I know your name? I believe I’ve heard from other ponies that your name is, er, Daniel but that doesn’t sound right. No offense.”

I shouldn’t have told my name outright, but I suppose I can’t blame myself for doing so considering I was knee deep in denial. That does, however, leave the present me to fix this past mistake. “Daniel is not my name. I was confused when I woke up in Ponyville. Daniel’s the name of an, um, old friend. If you want to know my real name, then it’s...”

Ugh, yes, yes it’s Hack Writer. Lucky Clover and I couldn’t find a better name, so I just have to roll with it. Hate the name, I mean, who wouldn’t? It’s practically slander eternally attached to me. And that excuse I found for the Daniel problem isn’t really any better. At this point, I wish my real name was Jack Ryder, then I would have had a much better excuse, as well as being a nice reference. “Hack Writer.”

“Oh... Well it’s a nice name, a bit unexpected but it has a nice ring to it.” Nice ring my ass. I can appreciate her kind response, but I can tell she finds it funny.

“Yeah, been thinking of changing it for a while now. Problem is, I don’t have a better name in mind.” I said as I struggled to put on the damn tuxedo. Fidgeting the buttons with hooves is a tough endeavor and it’s slowly killing my patience.

“In any case, I noticed there were bits on your cutie mark. I presume you must be from a big city like Manehattan, correct?” What the hell is a cutie mark? She said there were bits on it so... Oh, I get it now. Those motifs I’ve been seeing all days are called cutie mark. Okay, that’s good to know. Still, she’s right about one thing; I do come from a big city, only not from here.

“Right on the mark, I’m a writer in Manehattan.” Also seriously, Manehattan? Am I hearing that right? Are the names of the big cities in this world just ponified versions of human cities? Hm, better dig a little deeper. “You seem to like the big cities, is there any place that interests you in particular?”

“Oh, well, aside from the two obvious cities that comes to mind, I’d like to visit Las Pegasus. It sounds like a fancy place meant only for the chicest and elite of ponies.” Ponified versions of cities in the United States then? “But ultimately, I still prefer Ponyville. It might not be the chicest of towns in Equestria, but it’s the most charmful place I ever lived in. I can’t expect to ever make friends as kind and loyal in any other city.”

Finally, I had put on the tuxedo, but I just wanted to make one last random statement before I left the dressing room. “I can see why, plenty of nice ponies there. The librarian here is also very interested in magic, I borrowed that nice book about magic.”

From the thin opening in the curtains, I could see Rarity staring at the book in question, pleasantly surprised. “Then you’ve already met one of my closest friends! I’m terribly sorry if you weren’t met with kindness and open hooves. Times are tough, ponies are scared of strangers, but I promise things will get better. Are you finished?”

“Yes I am.” Rarity put me on stage, telling me to hold various poses whilst she examined how I looked. Gotta say, it felt strangely good to be looked at and admired somewhat by a woman, even if that woman was a talking mare with oversized eyes, but a win’s a win.

“Pardon me if I’m being a bit chatty, but I heard that you spent a lot of time today with Lucky Clover, is that right?” There it is! She’s onto us, and she’s being subtle about it. My good friend was right in calling her a “danger”. I must take suspicion off the both of us.

“Well, yeah, can’t really deny that. He helped out a lot with my flappers.”

Rarity’s smile lowered. A worried look overpowered her previous positivity. “It might seem that way to you, but I found that Lucky Clover started acting strange a few days ago. I mean, I could be wrong; he’s only my neighbor after all, he only swings by from time-to-time to help me out but that still worries me. Did anything strike you as odd when you talked to him?”

Oh shit, I was right on the money. Though she doesn’t seem to suspect me at all, she’s warried of Lucky Clover. That’s bad, that distrust is going to spread to me too. Since I’m an outsider, I might as well flat out lie to her. “Not really, I’ve never met him before so I can’t say I felt that something was wrong with him. Sorry.”

“Oh, no need to be sorry. It could all be me looking too deeply into other pony’s business. I’m sorry to be bothering you with all this. I don’t want to make you panic, not when you’re so generously helping me. But still, could you please warn me if anything happens to Lucky?”

Okay, that’s good. She’s not as aggressive as Bon Bon, but not as carefree as Lyra. Overall, I’ll place Rarity on the lower end of dangerous. I can get some use out of her, for my social status of course. Don’t let your mind go in the gutter, please.

The rest of this dress up game went on without too much trouble, though it was stressful. Rarity’s a curious pony, but isn’t too aggressive with her questions. It also helps that I’ve learned more about pony culture, therefore I can bluff and lie better. Still, I am missing some vital information regarding their hatred for humanity. I can understand why they’d hate us. We’re far from being saints after all. Pollution, slaughterhouses, constant warfare, not the best look. That’s not to discredit humanity. We do have some good, but I’m afraid that just won’t do here.

Not when the hatred runs so deep.

“Well, I believe we are done. Thank you so much for sparing your time to help me, Hack Writer.” Rarity said after a long hour of testing. Good timing, I was just about to have a panic attack with all her incessant questions. Still, I believe I’m starting to get on their good side. They’ll drop their guards eventually and then I can go around town safe and sound.

“Hey, no problem. I’m not going to turn down a lady’s help.” Heh, smooth.

Rarity seemed flustered by my response. “You’re quite the charming stallion, and a very interesting one at that. Perhaps you could come back one day to help me again, or maybe commission a beautiful and fancy suit for an event? My door is always open, except during closing hours.”

With Rarity now out of the way, I left Carousel Boutique without a hitch. Things were looking good so far. I was getting better at hiding my true identity and was getting ponies to like me. At this rate, they’ll never find out and I’ll be able to find a way home safely.

Still, it’s been an hour since I last saw Lucky Clover. I wonder where he’s at. He seemed pretty worried when Rarity dragged me in her shop, I was expecting him to come and help me but I guess he thought I was good enough to handle myself. Lucky Clover... I wish I could know his actual name for once. It just feels weird to call a fellow human a lucky clover.

Same thing goes for my dear name, Hack Writer. Unlike my good friend, my name is pejorative, and I hate it for that reason. Daniel’s a much prettier name but it’s not ponylike, so I’m stuck with an insult for a name. All the more reasons to get the fuck out.

Walking, or more specifically, trotting downtown, I came across Lucky Clover who was searching around for something it seemed. I naturally intercepted him, seeking the only person I could trust in Ponyville.

“They still don’t know?” Lucky asked me the second he saw me.

“We’re still good. I’ve hidden it pretty well.”

My transformed friend glanced around before ushering me in an alley. “Alright, now this is the worst part. Ponies around here know that there’s a new stallion in town. You know what this means, right?”

I don’t like where this is going. Judging from the increases in balloons I'm seeing in the streets, I’m guessing they’re about to throw me a welcome party. “I guess I kinda do. But still, wanna tell me just to be sure?”

Lucky frowned, glancing at the streets often. “Pinkie Pie, the Element of laughter, has caught wind of your arrival. She’s excited, and is now looking all over town for you. I’m afraid our only option is to hide in the clouds. Nowhere in Ponyville is safe from her, she’s fast and unpredictable. Fly high and don’t get spotted.”

She’s that fast? Can’t I simply hide in a house like Lyra’s? Hm, no. On second thought he’s right. I don’t have anywhere to go. Rarity might let me in, she lives in a shop, easily accessible by any ponies. Lyra lives with Bon Bon, so I can cross that idea off immediately. That leaves me with nothing but the sky indeed, or the forest nearby but I don’t think going there is a sane idea. That place gives off a bad mojo. “Alright then, I guess I’ll be seeing ya... Wait, how long am I supposed to stay in the clouds?”

“I-I don’t know.” Lucky stammered. “Long enough for me to somehow convince Pinkie Pie to lay it off with her welcome party.”

I guess there’s not much choice. Sprouting my wings, I flew in the air rather slowly. Hey, I was still getting used to them! The good thing was that I did reach for the sky. Lucky’s lesson in flying paid off! I was able to fly at a leisurely pace without falling.

I flew high enough to touch the clouds, but I did remember that Lucky said we can’t do so because we’re not “real” pegasi. So, was I really expected to keep flapping my wings for hours? That’s practically an endurance test, and I suck at those! That is, unless I can walk on clouds. Who knows, maybe he simply didn’t want to try because he’s too scared or something.

I hesitantly placed my hoof down and... it felt like I was touching solid ground! I touched the cloud with all four of my hooves and stopped flapping my wings. Lo and behold, I didn’t fall through. I was standing on a cloud! What was impossible before was now in the realm of possibility! I laid on the cloud and oh Lord was it comfy!

Now that, was one of the perks of being a pegasus. I might have lost my precious fingers, my bipedal structure but at least, I can fly and lay on clouds. That’s a win in my book. Still, I would love to have my fingers back. I mean, just imagine being a human that can fly and walk on clouds! Now that is the ultimate lifeform!

I guess I’m just stuck as a semi-ultimate lifeform. Not bad by any mean but could be better.

Hey, hold on, am I seeing a hot air balloon. Oh dear God, there’s a pink pony in it. Pinkie Pie and... Lyra too?

“Hello, Daniel! I heard you just arrived in Ponyville today! Ha ha! Isn’t it just the best place in all Equestria! Of course, it wouldn’t be the best town if it didn’t throw you a special welcome party!”

In my confusion and fear, I only managed to stammer a weak response. “N-Not Daniel.”

“Huh? But you’re Daniel!” Lyra raised an eyebrow. “You told Bon Bon and I earlier this morning.”

“Uh, n-no. That was a mistake. Daniel’s the, um, name of a friend. My real name is Hack Writer. I-I was just confused when I woke up.” That’s it, stick to the same story. If they question Rarity, they’ll see I’m keeping a coherent narrative, which should get them off my back.

This quick explanation worked on convincing Lyra. In fact, she looked even more assured now that she believed the whole Daniel thing was a mistake. Not that it mattered for Pinkie Pie, she looked just as happy and bouncy as ever. Whatever my name is, she’ll shove a cake down my throat.

“Then hello, Hack! Come on down, I’ve already prepared everything at Sugar Cube Corner!” The hot air balloon slowly descended, which now made me wonder how Pinkie Pie was able to get a hot air balloon up here this fast. I was only on that cloud for about five to ten minutes. Think I’m seeing why Lucky Clover was warry of her.

Well, since I’ve been spotted, guess there’s not much choice other than to confront the entire town. Great, Pinkie. This is probably going to turn into a public execution. I jumped off the cloud and slowly descended. I wasn’t fast like a speeding bullet, so I simply floated to the town below. I wasn’t suicidal enough to attempt a bold landing.

The closer I got to Ponyville, the more ponies I saw gathered around Sugar Cube Corner. It felt like I was jumping in a shark tank. That metaphor only got stronger once they noticed me. Eyeballed by hundreds of ponies. Bad thing I’m not immune to stage fright, which is way worse when you know the audience would wanna kill you if they find out you’re a fraud. Think I’m about to have a panic attack.

Landing in the middle of the crowd, I was met with cheers which was weird. I’ve never lived in a small town before, so I can’t really say if people are usually this tight knit outside of big cities, but it was... nice. I’ve never been center stage before, but today that all changed in an instant. Hey, maybe this party isn’t going to be so bad after all.

Then, I was almost smacked on the head by Pinkie as she placed a party hat on me. Aggressively excited would be a good description of Pinkie Pie. She hauled me in Sugar Cube Corner, which contained many more partygoers. She must be a popular pony in here for she got everybody riled up for my welcome party, something I never imagine would be a big event.

“Now, this is your super-duper awesome welcome party! There’s punch, games and a dance floor for everypony! This is going to be the best day of your life!” Pinkie kindly offered me punch. I drank it and before I knew it, she was gone in the crowd of ponies. I was sort of relieved to be left alone for a bit. That was a lot to take in. The party was big, and it would appear not everypony is staring at me.

They’re all split through the many activities offered, which was a good thing. I’d be screwed if they always had their eyes on me. I guess I can enjoy the party now without being peer pressured into doing something.

“Hey, it’s a nice party, right?” Lyra came to me again, not accompanied by Bon Bon (thank goodness). “I’m sorry if your introduction to Ponyville was a little rough. You don’t look dangerous. I think Bon Bon’s just a little stressed out because of the wedding. Well, that’s behind us now, I don’t want to bother you on your special day so I guess I’ll leave you to it. That is, unless you don’t any friends to have fun with.”

Um, where was Lucky Clover? He said he’d get Pinkie Pie off my back but clearly, he failed. Considering I was center stage mere minutes ago, he should know I’m in here. But then again, this would be the first time a woman’s interested in spending some time with me... Gah! Even that doesn’t feel right! She’s a mare, I’m a man. We’re not the same thing. I, uh, also hope that my sexual preferences weren’t modified with this new body. I’m still human underneath this furry pony body.

Oh screw it. Just go for it, Daniel. “I do have one other friend, but I wouldn’t be opposed to having fun with you.” Eh, could have been phrased better.

Lyra smiled brightly. Everything about her radiated optimism and positivity, it was also contagious. “Let’s start with the buffet! I’m hungry!”

And so was I, even though I had a good meal earlier. This day was rough, stressful, completely and utterly insane. It left me with quite the appetite and since this is my party, I don’t suppose nobody would be opposed to what I was about to do.

“Wow, you’re quite the glutton. Even I can’t eat that much!” Lyra exclaimed in awe. I was a talking horse now, no need for class. I’ve entered survival mode and seeing as I wasn’t sure I’d get this much food tomorrow; I ate until my body couldn’t take it anymore.

“W-Wow. Thish ish good.” I praised, my mouth full of cake. Wasn’t a pretty sight to behold.

Lyra giggled. “If it’s that good, let me take a bite!”

A grey figure popped in unannounced. It was Lucky Clover, here to join the party! My party! “Oh, this cake looks nice...”

“Who’s that?” Lyra asked me.

“That’s the friend I mentioned, Lucky Clover.” I said, pulling my pegasus friend closer. “We just met today, but he’s quite nice, you’ll see.”

Lucky shot me a strange look when he saw the cake stains around my mouth. He slowly approached the cake and took a bite. He chewed, looking rather uncomfortable and swallowed. “Y-Yeah, it is a nice cake.”

Lyra blinked. “You don’t look like you’re enjoying it.”

My friend winced. “Yeah, this flavor isn’t my cup of tea. I think I’ll eat something else instead.”

Lyra glanced over a batch of cupcakes. “Then how about you try out these red velvet cupcakes? They’re absolutely delicious!” She levitated one over to his face. “Come on, try it now!”

Lucky Clover stared at the cupcake, then at Lyra before he decided to bite into the tasty treat. The both of us watched rather awkwardly as he chewed. We both exchanged strange looks as he ate the cupcake before our eyes. Seconds passed and he finally swallowed.

“Hm... Hm? It was good.” That was all he had to say about the cupcake. Lyra seemed rather disappointed. In fact, she whispered into my ear.

“Gee, I thought it would get a good reaction out of him. He doesn’t seem to like eating, huh?”

“I didn’t know that. He just kinda strikes me as the serious type. Don’t get me wrong, he means well in the end. It’s just that he sometime has a rather commanding attitude. He’s a good friend, though.”

Lucky raised a cautious eyebrow. “Are we done sharing secret information away from me? I can tell you think I’m strange.”

I quickly took his defense as the good human friend I was. “Well, so am I. I don’t think there’s any harm in being weird, right Lyra?”

The unicorn nodded. “Ponies think I’m weird too for, um, reasons I’d rather keep to myself... f-for now.”

My secretly human friend grumbled. “Is this how you’re gonna go about it? I mean settling down in Ponyville.” Ah, so this is how we’re gonna talk in here.

“Uh, yeah. Lyra seems like a great pony to befriend first. She understands me.” I think she does? That was just a throwaway line.

“Yup! Oh that reminds me, Hack, do you have a place to spend the night in?” Lyra asked, which was a very important point indeed. So much has happened, I forgot entirely about sleeping! I had no shelter whatsoever. Hope I’m not going to sleep in the streets. Hey, what about Lucky Clover? Where does he even sleep? “I would gladly let you rest at my house... but Bon Bon’s still against letting me see you. Which is why I only came to you in this crowd. She doesn’t know I’m here!”

“I have a house with plenty of space. Hack can spend the night here.” Was I hearing that right? Lucky Clover already has a house in this world? Damn, talk about being efficient! I’m really lucky to have an ally this great.

“That’s nice! I was scared for a moment we’d be sleeping in a dark alley.”

Lucky Clover gritted his teeth. I don’t know why, but I’m guessing I must have made a mistake. Luckily (heh), Lyra laughed it off. “Oh, Hack, didn’t you know Lucky lived here for years already?”

Wait, years? I thought he was here for weeks or maybe even months at most... I didn’t know he was here for this long. Holy shit, does that mean I’m going to be here for as long as him?

“Uh, Hack? You seem a little pale.”

“I-I think... I need to go to the bathroom.”

“It’s right this way, you’ll tell us if something’s wrong, okay?”

Okay, I’m good. Sorry for wasting you all this much time. I got over that troubling revelation after a couple dozen minutes. The party was still going strong, but I was drained of energy. I desperately needed sleep so... I asked my friends if they would help me bail out of my own welcome party.

It wasn’t as easy as I thought. Despite there being a fuckton of ponies, Pinkie Pie somehow managed to single me out and stop me just as I was about to head out with Lucky Clover. What followed was rapid fire barrage of questions and mood swings I never thought were possible. Pinkie went from sad and distraught to happy and reassured when I told her I wasn’t leaving because I thought the party sucked.

Ugh, I hate being in the spotlight like this. Everybody stared while this was going on and now, I was being guilt tripped into not bailing. Thankfully, the developing bags under my eyes were enough proof that I needed a fucking bed, and they finally let me out.

I was tired, like running on fumes levels of tired. That gave me an idea. “Hey, Clover? Only best buddies would carry each other home.”

He looked over his shoulder and already I could tell that I failed. “You need to be stronger than that if you want to head home. I won’t tolerate any slacking even when you’re tired. We’ll face lots of trouble on the way home, I know that so, do try to get in shape while we’re staying here.”

Okay, he’s not making much sense. He lived here for years, but he’s talking as if he wasn’t in Ponyville for long. I’m not following. Oh! What if, he did switch body with a pony when he got here, which would imply that the same happened to me. That would explain why he’s been here for years yet acts as if he wasn’t.

Inside Lucky’s home, I was relieved to see it carried that same cozy feeling Lyra’s did. The houses in this town feel very welcoming. The perfect place to spend the night in. I hurried to the stairs, wanting nothing more than to crumble in bed and fall asleep. But just before I could do so, Lucky asked me one last thing.

“Are you hungry?” Lucky asked me, pointing at the door leading to the basement. Did he just forget I ate a crap ton of cupcakes and chocolate?

“No thanks, I’m full.” I answered.

My good friend gave me a concerned look. “Okay... just make sure to eat healthy, alright?” Yeah, I’m starting to regret eating all those cupcakes. My stomach’s complaining. Nothing a good night sleep can’t fix.

Entering the bedroom, I wasted no time to crumble in the bed. I couldn’t even be bothered to pull up the sheets, I was too comfortable in that position. Sleep came to me easily. No need to worry about tomorrow, all that mattered to me now, was that there was still hope left.

Author's Note

I'm back with an update! Took a bit of time 'cause I was figuring some stuff out, dealing with anxiety and whatnot. I was also focused on writing a chapter for another story, which you should totally check out! I don't know how consistent updates will be. I'm aiming to do something like 2000 words per day. Don't know if I can keep that up. We'll see. Anyway, hope you enjoyed chapter 4!

5. Knee Deep in Problems

Ah, a good night’s rest. I never imagined my first night would go so well, and I’m thankful for that. Um, minus the minor indigestion. Shockers, eating a crap ton of cupcakes turned out to have been a bad idea.

I felt even more ready to tackle on this challenge that was returning home to humanity. Lucky Clover was quite the morning person, already awake by the time I left his bedroom. Apparently, he slept in the basement, weird. Unless he had another bed there, I don’t know. I’m not comfortable going down a person’s basement even if he’s now my only human friend in this fantasy make believe world.

“We’re going to get a map.” Lucky Clover told me.

“You, uh, didn’t get one already?” How long as he even been there? I’d have thought of getting a map of this world rather quickly. Like, at least 2 days after I got here levels of quick. It just seemed like a no brainer to me.

Lucky Clover shook his head. “No, I avoided the library entirely. And for good reasons. Twilight could surely see right through me, but she didn’t with you and that, I’m happy for. You can go back to the Golden Oak library to ask her for a map of Equestria. We should find our home somewhere on there.”

“Oh, is there like a secret passage we can take?” And was Equestria this close to Earth? I don’t see how we can travel on foot back to civilisation. Then again, I’m not the expert, he is.

Lucky held a hoof to his chin. “That would help greatly. It depends on what we can find.”

Welp, looks like it’s back to the library. It’s a good thing Lucky is even here in the first place. I don’t tend to do great when I’m on my own. To have somebody I can count on is a nice thing. “So, is there like a way to avoid arousing her suspicion or do I really look that inconspicuous?”

Lucky Clover blinked, analysing me from top to bottom. “You have the perfect appearance for the job. Even your tone is perfect. You trot the tight rope between average and special. Just enough to arouse no suspicions whatsoever.” A half compliment, huh? I don’t know whether I should gladly take it or be offended by it. I think I’ll refrain from commenting on it.

“Oh, so I’m a great double agent then? Never thought I would be cut for the job.”

My good friend smiled. “I’m lucky to have a friend like you in here.” Good luck seems like your talent. It is your cutie mark after all. Maybe that merchant sent me here just to help out a fellow human. Should have been someone else, that would have been nice. Urgh, I miss my TV and computer. “Oh, and one last thing; be careful near the rainbow maned pegasus. They call her Rainbow Dash. I saw a Rainboom go off. A bad omen for us.”

“Well, I’ll be on my way... after breakfast, of course.”

“Before you return to the library, you might want to have your book in possession.”

Oh, almost forgot about that.

My friend is blessed with good luck, but unfortunately, I am not. Inside the Golden Oak, there is more than one pony waiting for me. Twilight Sparkle was there as expected, but with her is a blue pegasus with a rainbow mane and tail. That’s without a doubt Rainbow Dash. Quite an interesting look but her presence alone is bothering me. I’m on a mission to get a map and she’s going to get in the way. I can feel it.

“Hey, you’re the new stallion in town!” The rainbow pegasus flew to me with great speed. One second she was near Twilight, the next, right in front of me. “Didn’t see you at that welcome party though...”

“Uh, yeah, that’s ‘cause I bailed.” Oh, what the fuck did I just say. It’s not giving off a good impression. And they say first impressions matters most.

“Uh, what? You BAILED from one of Pinkie Pie’s parties?!” Rainbow Dash screamed in my face, looking like her eyes were about to jump out of their orbit.

“M-My bad! I misworded it! What I mean to say was I felt sleepy and just went to a friend’s house to spend the night. I didn’t bail, I think.” That did the trick. The rainbow pegasus didn’t look too happy, but was willing to let it pass. Phew!

Twilight approached us. “I hope you’ve enjoyed the party while you were there. I liked it.”

“Yeah, the food was simply amazing. I got to chat with some friends and, um, enjoyed some of the games.” That last one was a lie. You probably know that considering you’ve been listening to my every thought. You, who’s existence I can’t prove but is probably just a delusion I’ve conjured up to make sense of this situation. My life’s a bad joke, and also an awkward comedy. Kinda sad to think about.

Rainbow Dash here pouted. “Meh, you should have stayed a little longer; you missed the best part!”

“Which was?”

“My awesome welcome party Sonic Rainboom!” Rainboom? That must be what Lucky Clover mentioned earlier this morning. I suppose that’s another useless thing he got worked up over. Then again, I wasn’t awake to see it happen. Must have been terrifying to have shaken up this bossy guy.

“Darn, sounds kinda cool.”

Now I’m getting on Rainbow’s good side for her mood immediately shifted. “Heck yeah it is!” So, basically, compliments go a long way for her. Easy peasy. “The whole town clopped their hooves for me! I was the star of the show.”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Don’t let this get over to your head, Dash.”

Rainbow wrapped a hoof around my neck, a bragging look on her face. “Maybe I should make another one, you know, so that you can witness my awesomeness in action?”

That didn’t fly well with Twilight, however. “Rainbow, don’t. You’ll just scare everypony.”

Rainbow Dash grunted. “One day you’ll see. One day...” Her eyes laid on my wings. “Oh, and would you look at that. You’re a pegasus too. Awesome, I can show you a few of my tricks, minus the Rainboom of course.” She winked. Oh dear Lord she winked. I don’t know if I should be excited or worried to see that in action.

“Hm, one day I won’t be looking forward to.” I, of course, muttered that under my breath. Didn’t want her to hear that.

Twilight trotted to me, jovial as always. “Well, what brings you to the Golden Oak? “ she gasped, her face lighting up. “Have you already finished the book I gave you yesterday? Gosh, it’s been a while since I’ve seen a pony so interested in reading AND learning!”

“Uh... yeah. Here it is.” I handed (or hoofed?) the book to Twilight Sparkle. “I also came back here for something a bit different.”

The lavender unicorn levitated the book and stored it without even looking. She must really be into her job, that’s quite nice actually. I’ve heard far too many people complain about their job. To see somebody or somepony who thoroughly enjoys it is refreshing. “Tell me what you need, and I’ll get it, no problem!”

“Then, can I get a map of Equestria? I’m looking forward to travel somewhere else in a couple of days.”

Twilight seemed a bit sad to hear I was leaving so soon but nonetheless fetched me what I asked, once again by levitating. She kept her eyes on me and brought the map. I’ve never seen a librarian this dedicated to her job. Then again, I suppose this place doubles as a house for her, which is quite strange. I don’t believe I’ve ever seen somebody living inside their store or library before. This world keeps on surprising me.

“Here it is. Wherever you’re going, I hope you’ll have a nice and safe travel.” Twilight said nicely.

Seriously, there doesn’t appear to be a single bad person here, but that’s surely not the case. Still, they show their kindness more overtly than we do and that’s refreshing. It almost makes me want to stay here a little longer. Hm... seems like I’m getting a little bit attached to this town, especially Lyra. Never had a friend this jovial on Earth. In fact, I barely have any friend of the opposite gender. Then again, you can count the number of true friends I have on your fingers, even on your hooves.

Lucky and I met at the park to take a close look at the map, hoping to find something useful on it. I didn’t know what I was supposed to look for, but Lucky seemed sure, so I simply let him examine it while I waited.

I noticed he was squinting, looking at the littlest of details. Then, his eyes went to the borders, seemingly trying to find something. Maybe our path home simply wasn’t in Equestria then? Anything is possible at that point, so I fear we may have to basically go on a long adventure to find a portal thingy to get us back to Earth.

Lucky Clover groaned some more as it became rather evident, he wasn’t finding what he wanted. “Can’t find it?”

“Unfortunately, no. It would appear the way home isn’t shown on this map. I can understand why, there’s very little reasons for ponies to come find us.” I can see why, Earth isn’t really at its best right now. If these ponies saw what we did to our planet, they’d have a heart attack. A Sheer Heart Attack. Hey, come to think of it. What do they have in the way of music?

Do they have famous musicians, celebrities around the globe like we do? I noticed a radio inside Lucky’s home so I believe they do. This society is just plain weird. Their technology is all over the place. They have fridges, but no electricity. They have trains too, but basic carriages instead of old 1920’s looking cars. Makes me wonder if they have any sort of more technologically advanced instruments like synths. Hm, probably not.

Lucky Clover closed the map, looking rather frustrated. “It’s no use. We’ll have to find our way through other means without drawing suspicion to us.”

As to be expected... “It’s never that easy, huh?”

My friend shook his head. “It’s only easy when you don’t need it. Life throws the biggest hurdles in time of need. It’s a test to prove our resolve. They won’t let us back in if we’re weak. We’ll prove our strength to them.”

Gee, he sounds rather corny at times. I’m half expecting him to recite the entire Navy Seals copypasta. Next, he’ll tell me he has over 300 confirmed kills with a knife or something.

Hold up, I saw something in the sky! A rainbow trial zipping around at the speed of sound. Oh, Rainbow Dash. Most likely here to keep her word, or wink in that case. Lucky Clover immediately went on the defensive, keeping his sharp gaze on her as she descended like a rocket.

“Sup, new guy. Finally getting some fresh air? I knew you wanted to see my super awesome Sonic Rainboom!” Rainbow Dash announced with such confidence. Everything about her from her posture to tone screamed “I’m awesome, look at me”. I’ll be honest, I don’t like these types of people, ponies. Nobody likes a show-off and I sure ain’t the exception. Then again, Lucky’s stance tells me she’s high on the danger chart, probably even higher than Twilight.

“Uh, yeah, sorta. I like to hang around this park.”

“It’s a nice view, isn’t it? But nothing will ever be as nice as what you’re about to see.” Rainbow Dash continued, bordering on the verge of gloating. I noticed Lucky Clover didn’t want me to entertain her any longer.

“Are you really sure you should do this? I mean, I’m just one pony and kind of a nobody. Plus, it sounded like you could scare a lot of ponies with your, um... Rainboom.”

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “Oh, Twilight? She’s just an egghead. Ponies won’t freak out about a Rainboom. It’s like, totally the coolest thing they’ll ever see! Everypony loves it when I do a Sonic Rainboom. You’ll love it too if you give me a chance.” She flew over quickly to me, placing a hoof around my shoulder. “So, whacha say we go somewhere a bit more private if you’re that worried about scaring other ponies?”

“We’re a bit busy right now. You should come back another time, we were in the middle of something as you can see.” Thank goodness Lucky Clover has my back! Rainbow Dash’s brash nature scares me a bit. She will kick my ass if she finds something off with me, and I believe I may have already screwed up in only two sentences. I’m still getting used to this body so if I’m in any danger, my chances of survival are slim. Even thinner than a piece of paper.

“Yeah, exactly. We were planning out a trip as you can see with this map.” I said as I grabbed the map using my fetlock. It felt the most natural to me, albeit being a bit uncomfortable. Being a pony in a human looking society kinda sucked. Makes me wonder how they can even build anything... Oh yeah, unicorns exist.

“Oh come on, it’ll only be for like five minutes! Everypony can spare a little five minutes in their day!” Rainbow Dash persisted. At this point, it sounded less like she wanted to please me and more like she wanted to get some attention. Not too far off from how people act on social medias now that I think about it. It’s all for clout, for Internet brownie point. The harsh reality is, nobody really cares. They’ll see it and move on with their day.

As a (supposed) writer, I feel like the worst thing you can ever do is to not leave an impression with your work. Even if it's bad, to know somebody at least felt something while reading it is good enough for me. Where was I again? Oh yeah, my response. “I-” How can I say that without sounding like an asshole? I mean, what kind of counter argument can I throw her way to discourage her without being outright mean?

“Hm, fine. If you leave us to discuss our future travel in peace, then we will watch your Sonic Rainboom.” What? Lucky, you just...

“Awesome! You won’t be disappointed, Hack!” Ugh...

So, while we were walking to a more relaxed spot, I calmly asked Lucky why he just pulled a 180 on me. “It would be suspicious if we adamantly refused her like that. We’ll try to appear as normal as possible and leave as soon as she’s done. Got it?”

“Sure thing. You’re the boss here.”

Arriving at the discreet location, Rainbow Dash gave us little time to brace ourselves for the Sonic Rainboom. Judging by its name, I’m guessing she’ll somehow fly fast enough to break the sound barrier. Heh, a pony flying at supersonic speeds, now that’s something I’d like to see. If only I had some popcorn with me, it’ll make the show more enjoyable.

“Don’t get startled when it happens, otherwise you might accidentally reveal yourself to her.” Oh? What, I can just turn back into a human if I’m sca-

Woah! Holy fucking shit! Did you see that?

...

Oh, m-my apology. You can’t see shit, can’t you? Right... So basically, I got a first-row seat to seeing what a Sonic Rainboom actually is. I thought it would be something like seeing a jet breaking the sound barrier but nope. Rainbow Dash truly lived up to her name. She broke the sound barrier, and it created a massive rainbow ring that lit up the sky for a few seconds. That... was actually pretty awesome, I will admit. Rare for me to be wowed by a rainbow.

Rainbow Dash came down after a few more seconds of showing off. You know what they say, nobody likes a show-off... unless what they’re showing is dope as fuck. Thankfully, Rainbow’s a good show-off. I wanted to applaud her performance, but I can’t really clap my hooves without falling face first on the grass.

“So? Are you totally impressed by my super awesome Sonic Rainboom? Betcha never saw something that cool before.” Hate to admit it, but she’s right. Not a single spectacle here on Earth can compare to seeing a pony fly at the speed of sound and creating a giant rainbow explosion. It’s so much better when you’re there to feel it too.

“Yeah, it was really cool. I don’t suppose you must be a great flyer.” I responded, keeping my excitement in check.

“I’m not just a great flyer, I’m the best in all Equestria. Even the Wonderbolts recognised just how cool I am and that I’m totally fit to join their awesome team one day.” Rainbow Dash flexed some more on us, showcasing her powerful wings. She was a living tiny rocket.

But then, Lucky Clover made sure we didn’t go off track. “You were great, Rainbow Dash. But now that it’s over, we’d like to go back to our preparations for our future travel.” Truly helpful, but a part of me wished I could remain here to see what else a pegasus can do. After all, if she can do it, then so can I... with enough practice of course. I’d very much like to know what it’s like to soar proud and high, to be no longer afraid of heights.

“Oh, r-right...” Rainbow Dash closed her wings, looking disappointed to lose her audience so soon. I’m starting to see some underlying issues with this mare. Maybe she isn’t as dangerous as Lucky cracked her up to be. I just see somebody who constantly needs praise and attention to keep their self-worth in a good position. Those kinds of people always crumble at the slightest of setback and criticism. Still, we just praised her, so we’re not leaving with any remorse.

“Well, I’ll go wander around Ponyville. If you ever wanna see more awesome tricks, you know the pony to go to!” And just like a rocket, she departed in a matter of seconds, leaving a rainbow trail behind her.

“It would appear their mistrust is waning. That’s a good thing for us. We’ll be able to move and ask around more freely.” Lucky Clover said in a determined tone, stretching his wings. “In any case, we’ll go back to our bench by flying. That should warm up your wings. Remember; practice makes perfect. Keep working your flappers and you’ll be as good as me in no time.”

Aaaannd now I’m back to being bossed around by my only human friend. I kinda hate to be the newbie here, but I’m still grateful that he is even here. Without him, I’d be lost as shit and probably dead or rotting inside a gloomy dungeon.

Hm, come to think of it. My prose is surprisingly better than I expected. Sure, I’m crude to an extent but I can conjure up some nice sounding sentences. That got me thinking, just in case things don’t turn out alright for us, I could have a sort of contingency plan. I can write an essay of sort on my true nature, to prove to these ponies that we are in no way affiliated to the crimes our kind have committed against them. We’re just innocent bystanders caught up in a delicate situation. That’s actually a great idea. It could save our asses in time of need.

Anyway, I practiced my little flappers and got back to the bench. Lucky and I took a good look at the map one last time before concluding that our best bet right now would be to find a safer city than Ponyville. Lucky claims that there is a powerful and dangerous magic close to the town that could be very bad for us. He suggested Baltimare but fuck that! I’m not going to the pony equivalent of Baltimore! Manehattan maybe? Bleh, we ultimately chose to stick to Appleloosa, a small town of rednecks that won’t have their sights on any imposters.

Still, I’m not really sure if I want to go. I’m getting familiar to Ponyville and that place seems really nice. I mean, I have a pony friend there who will vouch for me if things go bad. Plus, what guarantees we’ll find a hint in that crummy looking town? Now I’m not dogging on rednecks or anything. Don’t take my words the wrong way. Our travel was scheduled for a few days later, just enough for us to gather important information before our departure.

In the meantime, I decided to find a nice tree, far away from town to rest against. Looking up, I noticed it was an apple tree. In fact, I appeared to have found a whole orchard of apple trees. Nothing but apples and leaves in sight. It’s quite peaceful actually. Nothing but the gentle summer breeze and the distant chipping of birds.

I need some time to gather my thoughts. There was no better place than this, truly.

I laid there for a couple of minutes, enjoying the serenity of this land. But as I would soon come to realise, tranquility never last long enough. Something kicked the tree on the opposite side, startling me awake. Turning around in shock, I saw a familiar orange mare peeking from the other side. It was the apple mare! Probably should learn her name.

“Uh, whatcha doin’ ‘ere?” She asked, perplexed.

“I was just taking a nap against this tree. You woke me up.” My grumpy ass answered.

The apple mare raised an eyebrow, a bad omen. “Ya know ya could’ve simply found a cloud instead. Might be more comfortable for a pegasus. Plus, ya do realise this is ta Apple family orchard, right?”

Oh, oops. “Sorry, I didn’t know this was yours. I was tired and wanted to find a quick place to rest, so I settled for this tree.” Note to self; take naps and relax on a cloud next time, though I’m not sure this is entirely safe. I’m fairly certain I roll around in bed when I’m asleep. I’d probably fall off a cloud and fucking die if I do that...

“It’s fine. Many still come ‘ere to relax. It’s only really a problem when Ah ‘ave to work in ta orchard. Hey, aren’t ya ta new stallion in town? Ya know, ta one who had a welcome party yesterday?” The apple mare asked me.

“Oh, yeah, that would be me indeed. I’m Hack Writer, as you can probably guess by my unflattering cutie mark.”

The mare tipped her cowboy hat. “And Ah’m Applejack. Ah work on Sweet Apple Acre pretty much all day. If yer ever cravin’ for apples, ya know where to come!”

Applejack... according to dear old Lucky Clover, this pony is part of the dangerous 6 as he calls them. Six mares who are responsible for getting him in this tight spot. I probably shouldn’t stick around Sweet Apple Acre. Guess it’s another area I can cross off Ponyville.

“Oh, and beg pardon if Ah’m botherin’ ya. Ah just heard a lotta strange stuff ‘bout ya, which got me a lil curious.”

Okay, she’s onto me! “A-And what kind of things did you hear about me?”

Applejack scratched her chin. “Well let’s see, there was ta whole beggin’ on ta streets thing. Don’t know why ya came to Ponyville without any bits on ya, that seems like a mighty oversight on yer part. Then there’s ta fact many ponies saw ya struggle to fly as a fully grown stallion among other things...”

Oh shit! This one seems more perceptive that the others I’ve encountered so far! How can I weasel my way out of this one? She made pretty good points regarding my begging. Don’t know how I can form a convincing lie to explain that. O-Oh! I know. “Well, you see; I was robbed in the middle of the road when I was making my way to Ponyville. Real unfortunate...”

Applejack blinked. “Then why didn’t ya take ta train? It’s ta cheapest and safest mean of transport in Equestria. Ya wouldn't ‘ave been in danger had ya taken ta train.”

C’mon... Forget about me and go back to work.

“N-Not to be mockin’ ya or anythin’, but ya really did yerself no favor by trottin’ all ta way to Ponyville.” Applejack continued exposing me. If I stay around her any longer, she’d figure it out and then I’ll be knee deep in shit.

“Yeah... that was stupid of me. Anyway, I’ll go find a calmer spot to relax. So, uh, goodbye I guess.”

Damn it. She’ll tattle on me, get her friends to keep their eyes on me. I won’t be able to roam around Ponyville safely. Better tell Lucky Clover about this big problem. We’ll find a solution together. One that hopefully won’t involve committing a crime... He’s not going to suggest we kill or kidnap somebody, right?

Right?

Author's Note

Took a bit of time to finish this chapter. I was figuring out the rest of the story and in what direction to go. Plus, I struggled to find motivation to write (a certain game called ULTRAKILL got all my attention recently), but I think I'm fine right now. Oh, and in case you didn't notice, my attention is currently split across three stories so that might explain why updates aren't as fast as usual. I hope this isn't a big problem for y'all.

6. Myth and Reality

Okay, so... after the big fuckup I made, I ran away from Sweet Apple Acre and stayed on the edge of town. I loomed around until I accidentally came upon a nice-looking cottage just out of Ponyville. It was relatively close to the Everfree forest, the place I landed in ever since this crazy story started. The crazy thing about this cottage had to be the numerous animals lying around.

Bee hives, rabbit holes, birds staying on tree branches, even a bear roamed around the cottage! It was an animal paradise over there. Not sure if I wanted to stick around ‘cause of the large bear, but it was still somewhat better than to go back into enemy territory for now.

I heard the birds chirp happily, as if they were welcoming me into this domain of the wild. The strange part was that I heard a harmonious voice sing back the bird’s melody. The birds seemed way happier than before, repeating their melody to the voice. It sang back, this time much closer to us.

I saw a yellow shape descend from the sky like an angel. Graceful and slow in its movement, it stopped before the birds. A pegasus mare with nice looking eyes. Not as gaudy as Rarity, they were naturally beautiful... Wait, why am I describing a pony like that?

The mare sang back one more time to the birds, offering them worms to feed on. It was such a cute and lovely voice. I never heard a nicer sounding woman in my entire life! The pegasus noticed me shortly after and was rightfully startled by my impromptu appearance. I was practically staring her down, which probably looked creepy to her.

Her voice immediately cut off and she descended, looking awfully nervous. “O-Oh, um hi there. I-I didn’t see you come here. Um...” The shy mare examined me for a bit. “I-I don’t think I've seen you before too.”

“You haven’t. I’m new to Ponyville.” A nice blunt response coming from yours truly. I was fairly surprised with myself to admit she looked pretty for a pony. An animal with anime looking eyes. I never would have thought I would one day describe an animal as pretty. Cute? Sure, but not adjectives you’d associate with a beautiful woman! Is it because I’m a man no longer? “Why are there so many animals around?” I asked bluntly again. Probably could have weaved around the subject better, but I was still thinking about Applejack. Everything else wasn’t as important.

The mare smiled, looking less nervous the instant I brought up the animals. “Oh, that’s because I take great care of them. They love to come to my cottage every now and then to receive some love and attention!” Well, I’ve heard of people having ten different cats at home, but not this! That was a whole other level of being gaga for animals. Is the bear among her animals? That’s crazy!

“That’s... That’s a lot of them.”

The yellow pegasus giggled. “It’s nothing I can’t handle. I’ve been doing this for a very long time, ever since I first arrived in Ponyville as a matter of fact.”

“I see you’ve amassed quite the zoo in here. There are many different species and breeds of animals around your cottage.” I observed, gazing around the vast array of wildlife. It was then that I noticed her cutie mark was three butterflies. As if it wasn’t obvious what her talent was.

“I sometime get rarer animals to come by my house. It’s always a treat to help out these cute little animals!” The mare’s pretty eyes widened briefly. “Oh, dear. I-I'm sorry, I almost forgot to ask you your name. I’m Fluttershy.” Fluttershy, huh? Couldn’t have seen that one coming.

“Well I’m... Hack Writer. Don’t like the name that much. Might change it one day.”

Fluttershy blinked. “O-Oh, I can see why. It doesn’t make you look good, um, no offense.”

Very apologetic, too. Damn, what a cute pony. Still, all these animals and this fantasy world makes me wonder. “Do you sometime see mythological creatures come by? Th-The nice kind, I mean.”

Fluttershy scratched her mane. “W-Well, I haven’t really seen any mythological creatures. Unless you’re talking about something more exotic like a dragon. I’ve seen one up close before.” Oh yeah, what is mythological and what isn’t is different from our world. Dragons are not so mythological if their existence can be proven!

“Is somepony here talking about mythology?” That voice...

“Lyra?”

Indeed, it was her. Seeing her again was nice after the Applejack fiasco. It’s great to see a friendly face.

“Yes!” Lyra looked much more excited than ever before. “I love to study mythology! I’m really into cryptozoology! It’s my passion!”

“Oh, h-hello Lyra.” Fluttershy muttered. “Hack here is asking me about mythological creatures.”

“I heard that alright! I’m glad to know you’re into mythology too, Hack!” Lyra exclaimed, levitating a book she was carrying with her. “Lately, I’ve been studying this exciting creature I never heard about before and guess what? They sit exactly like me! Oh my gosh, doesn’t that sound exciting!”

W-Wait, what the fuck? Is she seriously about to talk about humans, and call us creatures? I guess we maybe are creatures to them but still, it felt wrong. Unless I’m completely wrong and she’s talking about something else. “A-And what is this exciting creature, Lyra?”

Lyra Heartstrings flipped through the pages of her massive book, landing on one. She turned it around so I could see what was on it and dear God, it was a human! “Humans! They’re hairless monkeys who are super smart, like us! They build stuff like houses, trains and civilisations, like us! They use tools like us, well... They do a lot of things like us! It’s like reading about a mirror world! Gosh, that’s so exciting!”

B-But wait. If humans turned into ponies are danger, then, why are we called mythological creatures? Our existence has been proven already. We are as real as dragons! “Y-Yeah, exciting indeed. And weird.”

“Yeah, it’s weird too. Everypony tells me it’s old and fake mythology, but I know that they exist somewhere far, far away from us. I just want to see how their world looks like. It looks so fascinating based on what I know.” Lyra responded, daydreaming before me.

At this point, I didn’t know what the hell to think anymore. Ponies are looking for humans disguised as ponies. Humans apparently caused a big catastrophe that made ponies hate them, but humans are also mythological creatures that nobody believe exists? What the fuck? Think I’m going a bit crazy here!

I feel like I’m missing some context here... Or maybe I’m just getting it wrong. Hold on, could it be that both Lucky and I are mistaken? Maybe, but then why would they be suspecting impostors to be amongst them? What exactly are they looking for? Well, at this point I can’t just go on and say I’m a human, I’ll just be laughed at.

I believe the objective still remains the same; don’t be outed as a faker and return home. If they believe we’re both not ponies, saying we’re humans isn’t going to save our asses. Still, I should try to learn more about this whole imposter situation.

“So, what do you know about humans?” That’s the best thing I can ask right now. I’d like to know what they know about us.

A spark appeared in Lyra’s eyes, a spark of pure excitement. She was ready to lay all the facts into me. She rambled about cars and skyscrapers, an unknown form of magic known only as electricity. I’ll admit, it was cute to hear her talk about our technology as if it was some sort of magic. It really isn’t. Give them a couple centuries and they’d be at our current stage. Still, I find it fascinating that she put so much value in technology when magic seems to be doing almost everything it can do, but better.

We humans worship the idea of magic whilst they seem to worship the idea of technology. It’s funny in a way.

“Don’t tell me YOU’RE interested in humans too?” Lyra asked me with a massive grin on her face. “Oh my gosh, I have been studying them for so long, you wouldn’t believe the number of theories I've written on them! It’s my favorite thing to do! Bon Bon doesn’t share my love for cryptozoology, sadly, but at least she’s not outright mocking me for doing this.”

“W-Well, care to ask me one of them then?”

Fluttershy nodded. “I’d like to hear one too. I mean, I have plenty of time to spare right now so, um, don’t mind me.”

Lyra opened her mouth wide, taking a deep breath before going with her detailed theory. “I’ve discovered that humans, for some reason, like to stand in one room for hours on end! They seem to be all sitting, watching a strange object that is often square in shape. I believe it may be some sort of awesome technology we ponies know nothing about! I’ve hypothesised that this strange machine might be able to see into other people’s home, replay theater plays at their own home, gather information from all around the world and teach their kids too! That sounds like the coolest thing to have, right?”

Holy crap, she’s somewhat right about this. She’s described our televisions in a way, mainly about the plays and information thing. I wonder, how the hell does she know about the television? In fact, how does one study a creature that’s on a different world without knowing if that world even exists? That’s... troubling.

“Well, that’s an interesting theory, but I think it’s a bit far-fetched.”

Lyra blinked. “How so?”

“I just think you’re giving technology too much credit. I’m certain it has more limitations than magic.”

“A mare can always dream.”

She can, doesn’t mean it will come true. None of my dreams came true thus far, so I won’t bet on it. That may sound cynical, but the truth is; reality itself is cynical. I’m just following its ideology.

Following that awkward encounter with Lyra Heartstring, I went back to Lucky Clover with the hopes of discussing a better plan than going in the middle of nowhere to find something I don’t even know a thing about.

“I’m just saying, flying around the world like a headless chicken isn’t what I’d call a plan. We’ll probably get ourselves in more danger by doing so. I’m not saying I don’t want to go home; I do. What I’m saying is, we should find a plan that doesn’t put us into more danger.”

Lucky Clover’s brows furrowed for a moment, and I was afraid he was gonna shut down my idea seeing as he’s the boss here and I’m just following him but thankfully, he put some thought into my proposition. “Hm, perhaps we can find a safer plan. We don’t appear to be in too much danger in Ponyville. I’ll check out the library then for a book about magical artefacts. If Twilight Sparkle is more relaxed considering the attack on Canterlot, then I suppose it’ll be okay for me to go.”

Yes! It’s good to know that Lucky at least respects my opinions on this matter. I was afraid he’d be a no bullshit kind of guy, but he’s at least open. He may be bossy, but he’s got his ears open.

I waited a couple of minutes for him to come back and when he did, boy did he look nervous. He looked paranoid, constantly checking around him until he stopped before me. He got the book, that’s a relief. “They’re figuring it out. What did you do? They’re suspecting you’re not one of them!” He shouted in a whisper. Before I could even respond, he dragged me to a nearby alley where there was less traffic. “I saw Applejack warning Twilight about you. What did you say to her? And why would you even come to Applejack? That pony is great at spotting liars. A real liar detecting machine.”

“What? How was I supposed she was the one pony I shouldn’t have talked to? I literally bought an apple from her a few days ago and it went without a hitch!”

Lucky frowned. “Well, clearly, she wouldn’t be onto you if you hadn’t done something stupid! What did you even do?”

“I fell asleep under an apple tree. I didn’t know I was in her orchard.” It’s an honest mistake, ay? Can’t get angry at me and call me stupid for doing something I didn’t know was dangerous. I know nothing, and I rely on him to get me out of here. The one to blame here is this guy.

Looks like Lucky Clover is also smart enough to understand that. He didn’t yell back at me and instead facepalmed. He was disappointed, but seemingly not at me. “Oh, I should have told you about her much sooner... I’m sorry I didn’t, that’s my mistake. Look, I’m happy you’re even here. Without you, I’d be stuck on my own figuring out the way back home, so please forgive me if I lost my composure.”

“Hey, it’s okay. We’re both under a lot of pressure right now. Can’t blame you for snapping at me.”

My dear human friend patted me on the back. I’m not really comfortable with being touched like that, but I’ll leave it be. It is a nice gesture, even if I don’t like it. “Don’t worry about all that. I know there’s another place we can go to find a way home. It’s an abandoned castle, nopony really goes there even for the thrills. It’s in the Everfree forest though, so I hope you’ve gotten good at flying or else you’ll have to deal with timberwolves and manticores.”

Yikes, thank goodness I know how to fly somewhat. I’m not really good at running in this pegasus body either so, I’ll take my chances and fly. “I can make it, um, provided it isn’t too far away.”

Lucky smirked. “It’ll only take a few minutes to get there. Don’t you worry, soldier. It’ll take a lot more than a manticore to bring us down.”

Huh uh. Wait, did he just call me soldier? “I... don’t think I’m a soldier, Lucky.”

Lucky Clover blinked. He was completely and utterly confused. I don’t know why he assumed I was a soldier. That just ain’t me. “You’re in a lot of danger, you know that? In hindsight, I should have seen this coming. You adapt fairly well, but you’re lacking in skill and espionage. But to be fair, I’m not much of a soldier myself. My work lies elsewhere.”

Not much of a soldier, you say? “If you aren’t a soldier, then why do you act so much like one?”

My friend gave me a rather sad look. “Trust me; I wish I could be one, but I’m too scared to leave home. It’s not because I’m scared of dying or anything. It’s just... my little brother, remember him?”

“Yeah, you said he depended on you to be fed.” I responded. I might be a little stupid at time, but at least I got a good memory to compensate.

“Exactly, and that’s the problem. I don’t want to leave him alone for an entire week. I don’t know if the others would even wanna help him. They just think he’s a worthless wimp. Well, to be honest I sort of do to some extent but still, he’s my brother and I love him! I can’t become a soldier... not until he grows up.” Lucky explained.

At least I know he’s a good brother. I understand now why he sometimes seem so on edge. God knows how long he’s been here; he’s left his poor little brother alone! “Damn, you’ve been here for a while, haven’t you?”

Lucky winced, looking away from me. “More than a week. I hope he’s doing alright.” The thought of a little kid starving to death disturbed me. I have siblings myself, honestly can’t imagine how scared he must be right now. It makes more sense why he’s rather pushy and clingy. Anybody would be anxious as hell in his place. I don’t have much room to complain personally. Nobody’s depending on me, nobody but myself though I’m certain my family will freak out if they learn I’m suddenly gone. “I hope you’ll understand if I ask that we pick up the pace. I don’t want to leave him all by himself for another week. The others like to pick on him when he’s alone. He needs his big brother to even survive!”

“Right, right. I get you. I have siblings myself. I understand how you feel, if that brings you any comfort.”

To my relief, it did. Lucky smiled at me. “Right, by the end of this; we’ll be like kindred spirits. Who knows; maybe that experience will make you wanna be a soldier.”

I chuckled. “Not a chance!”

“Oh! Oh, right. Give it some thoughts. You’ve got spirit and you’re resilient. You’d make a great soldier if you put your heart into it but as I said; it’s ultimately your decision and I won’t force you to do anything at all. ‘F course, except here.”

“Yeah, I believe you’re thinking about a spy. What we’re doing here is spy work, not soldier work. Honestly, I might do that one day if it promises more success than my current job.”

Lucky Clover grunted. “But spies aren’t viewed as heroically as soldiers, warriors. These ones get all the glory. They’re heroes in our eyes. We’d be viewed in a much brighter light if we’re soldiers rather than spies. I know the queen loves her soldiers more.”

What? How does he know that? “Don’t tell me you’re at the queen’s service.” I swear if he somehow works for Queen Elizabeth, I am going to lose my shit.

Lucky scoffed. “Sort of. I mean, aren’t we all at her service one way or another? Any work we accomplish is ultimately in her service.”

Yeah, mostly the government though. That guy doesn’t have much of an English accent. He sounds, well, somewhat American. Maybe he moved to the UK at one point? Still, quite funny that a guy with that accent would love the queen. Lucky’s a real mystery and that makes him all the cooler for it. Should I leave it at that? Yeah, why not. It’d be no fun to ruin it all right now. “Alright, so are we going now? To the old castle you mentioned, I mean.”

My pegasus friend grinned. “But of course! Wake up that sleepy body of yours and prepare yourself. It’s time you put your wings to good use!”

“Wassup, Lucky! Whatcha doin’?” A blue blur flew past us, stopping before my friend. It was Rainbow Dash!

Oh come on, why is everybody constantly getting in our way? We have shit to do, peop-ponies!

“Just a quick exercise with my friend.” Lucky responded confidently, trotting past the mare.

“Beg pardon then; we’re ‘bout to have a little talk with yer friend. It’ll only take a few minutes, don’t worry.” Oh no... Not that voice again, not that cowboy accent.

“A-Applejack?”

I looked back and sure enough; there she was, staring me down.

“E-yup. Now, don’t take this ta wrong way but Ah was just a little sceptical ‘bout yer story. Ah mean, if what yer sayin’ is true, then ya should probably head to ta town hall to report a theft.”

“O-Oh, well in that case. I suppose I’ll go there and report the crime immediately!”

I was about to walk past this scary looking mare when Rainbow stopped me, hovering inches away from my face. “Obviously you should have reported it when it happened, but you didn’t. Like, come on! Did you really not care about your bits that much? It took you two whole days and still you had to be reminded by Aj. You’re only doing it because she mentioned it. Are you that much of a doormat?”

Oh fuck. Lucky! A little help over here would be super fucking nice! “I-I’m not. I’m just a little shaken up right now. You see, things have been going in a downward spiral ever since I got here. I’m kind of confused and still getting my bearing.” Lucky, hurry the hell up and say something! Vouch for me!

Out of all the ponies here, the one who came to my defense, sort of, was none other than Applejack! “Turn it down a notch, Dash. We may be throwin’ accusations around, but that doesn’t mean Ah’m certain ‘bout Hack. It’s nothin’ more than suspicions.”

Rainbow Dash didn’t look so convinced, sadly. “Yeah, right. We’re about to prove you right immediately. What’s the point in beating around the bush? He’s not a pony! And I’m certain this other pegasus is just as guilty!”

Lucky spoke up, his voice a little shaken like mine. “Hey now, let’s not get too aggressive.”

Applejack bit on Rainbow’s tail, forcing her down. “Exactly, Dash. We’re just ‘ere to confirm a few things. Let’s be civil ‘bout this.”

Applejack’s quite dangerous, but at least she’s not overly aggressive like Rainbow Dash. If both had the same mentality, they’d probably be bucking us against a nearby apple tree. Thank goodness we have the voice of reason here!

“Yeah, whatev. Just say what you gotta say but I’m telling you; if you have a hunch, it’s correct. These two were super icky about my Sonic Rainboom. Nopony’s that scared of my Rainboom!” Dash glowered.

Applejack sighed. “Dash, you do realise you nearly gave ta whole town a heart attack? Twilight was right when she warned you, ya know? Maybe these ponies over ‘ere understood that.”

I nodded profusely. “Absolutely! I listened to Twilight, but she just wouldn’t let us two prepare our future travel in peace so we eventually caved in. My apologies, we didn’t mean to scare Ponyville.”

To my surprise, Applejack returned a brief smile. “Anyhow, like Ah said; Ah have a few questions for ya. Ah mean, if yer really a pony it shouldn’t bother ya at all. Sorry in advance to be takin’ yer time away.” The orange mare approached me, keeping her eyes onto mine. It was like she had some magic truth finding powers and honestly; who’s to say she doesn’t have that? I can’t disprove that theory.

“So, to summarize it; ya came to Ponyville on hoof and was robbed, so ya were found on ta edge of ta Everfree forest by Lyra. Ya didn’t take ta safer option, that being ta train nor did ya use yer wings. That’s a mighty oversight if ya ask me.”

Rainbow Dash scoffed. “Oh come on, that’s obvious, isn’t it? Nopony could be that stupid! It’d make more sense if he was wearing a disguise!”

“Rainbow, please. Let ‘im speak.”

Before I could even answer, Lucky Clover came to my aid. “To my knowledge, he didn’t fly to Ponyville because he struggled to control his wings. It took me a lot of time to teach him to fly. Even so, his technique isn’t quite good, and he has trouble adapting. To me, I believe he may have a disability.”

Rainbow Dash groaned. “That’s nonsense! Who would ever believe that a pegasus can’t fly?”

Applejack rolled her eyes. “Are ya forgettin’ a certain flightless pegasus, Dash?”

“No, I didn’t. I mean, she’s a filly! This guy is a stallion. A fully grown pony and he can’t fly!” The blue pegasus argued.

“Normally, they can fly, mind ya. Ah’ve never bet a disabled one before, so Ah can’t really call that definitive proof.” Applejack informed. Are they implying that humans can fly? Well, with a plane or a helicopter, sure we can. Without technology, we’re as flightless as a chicken.

Still, better add something to the conversation to ward off suspicion. “I have a certain, um, deficiency in my motor control. I had a hard time learning how to write with my mouth, and an even harder time learning how to fly. Just to be safe, I chose to go to Ponyville on hoof. I mean, if I flew there and lost my balance, I would be dead.”

Applejack scratched her chin. “Hm, fair point.”

“You’re not even a pegasus, you don’t know what it’s like to fly.” Rainbow Dash kept her aggressive tone, getting more impatient by the minute. “Listen, I’ll buy that whole disability thing but even so. Why weren’t you training all this time to better use your wings? Why did it have to be now? In a town you don’t even live in.”

I glanced over to Lucky. He said nothing, reminding me he’s not going to babysit me. I’m kind of a nervous wreck and I foolishly hoped that he would solve all my problems but evidently, it’s about time I grow up and take care of things myself. “I didn’t have much reason out there. There are lots of means of transportation and my workplace was close to my home. I didn’t see much reason to use my wings.”

To my relief, Rainbow Dash finally calmed down. “Okay... now that is a valid reason. Still, I’m keeping an eye on you two. I know you’re up to no good and I’m going to prove it.”

“Wait, you believe that too?” Hey, hold on a minute. What is Bon Bon gonna add to this? Why is she even here? “It’s funny, I was starting to believe I was the only pony who saw him as danger.” Come on, right when we were about to win!

Applejack looked at the two of us one more time before exclaiming. “Rest assured, Ah’m not clearin’ them of suspicion. If they’re really honest to Celestia ponies, then they ‘ave no reason to be afraid. Ah suppose only time will tell if we were right or wrong.”

“I’m betting on right.” Bon Bon glowered. “They’re getting a little too chummy with Lyra for my taste. This one especially. It’s going to be a repeat of Canterlot with my friend, I can feel it. You’ll ensnare her, get her to do your bidding and then feast on her! I know a lot about monsters, so don’t even think you can get away with this!” She got a little too close to my face for comfort.

Lucky Clover furrowed his brows, pushing the earth pony away. The two stared into each other eyes, a sharp fury in their gaze. “We’re not monsters. We’re just like you, and I won’t let you harm my friend Hack. I can understand being worried for your best friend, but that’s not a reason to hurt other ponies. Plus, I can promise we won’t be here for long. We’re going on a trip soon, is that right?”

I nodded, unsure however if we would be gone so soon. We’re barely making any progress after all. “Y-Yeah.” Thankfully, I saw salvation come to us with curious and bright eyes. The much nicer looking mare came to us, waving hello. “Hey there, Lyra!”

Bon Bon watched her close friend come to us, displeased. “Lyra, why are you coming to him? I already told you he’s bad news and I was right!”

“I know that and frankly, I don’t mind. He seems fairly nice all things considered.” Lyra responded.

Rainbow Dash hovered down, staring at the two accused with mistrust. “If we’re proven right, that would mean that their ‘niceness’ was just an act. Don’t go exonerate them immediately.”

Lucky Clover frowned, impatiently tapping the ground. “I would argue against that, but I’m afraid anything we say will fall on deaf ear.”

“I don’t know about letting Lyra be our lawyer for this debate. I mean, it’s great she’s studying cryptozoology and all, but I don’t believe that her knowledge in humans will provide any use to us.” Oh yeah, I’m bringing up humans again. That should get a strong reaction out of Lyra and hopefully, open an exit for us.

“Well, it probably won’t but I can say that a pony who’s interested in our myths is likely a true pony.” Lyra argued against all three.

Applejack scratched her chin. I could see the gears in her head turning. Unfortunately, they weren’t turning in the direction I wanted. “Ah could probably believe that, but uh, it could be that they’re reading ‘bout our myths to blend in better. Lyra, have ya ever been alone with ‘em?”

Lyra blinked. “Wha-Oh. Sorry, I misinterpreted your question for a moment. Um, n-not really. We’ve mostly been talking in public.”

Bon Bon’s face lit up. To her, that was her “gotcha!” moment. The proof that we should still be under suspicion. “That’s why you don’t suspect them! You believe they’re innocent because they haven’t tried to hurt you yet, but that’s only because you were not alone with them. Lyra, do you realise how much danger you’ve put yourself in? I thought you said you will be more careful from now on!”

Lyra looked beaten down, sad to hear such a harsh tone coming from her friend. It didn’t look like these two fought a lot. “I am being more careful! I know they’re weird and all, but I don’t get the impression they’re dangerous! Still, I wouldn’t go somewhere alone with them!”

Ow, it looks like we haven’t gained her trust enough. Still, the fact she’s defending us prove that we can push it further. If we can get her to stay with us at Lucky’s house without anything bad happening, then maybe they’ll change their minds about us. Or maybe they won’t. That could be interpreted as a desperate attempt to appear normal. Fuck, why does it always have to be hard? Why can’t we be friends?

“I feel like we’re not being treated favorably here.” Lucky Clover grunted. That statement, I agree wholeheartedly. “We have a lot of respect for... mares.”

“Like, come on. Why are we, stallions always viewed as dangerous and untrustworthy? We deserve more than to be treated as hormone driven animals.” Good retort! But I wonder where that last part came from. It felt like I pulled that out of experience. Feels like my memories are returning, slowly but surely.

Lyra didn’t know what to say. I could see it in her face. She looked like she wanted to take her previous statement back somewhat. “I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound like that. It was just that I, um, don’t swing that way. Uh, I could have phrased that better.”

Oh? Are Lyra and Bon Bon “close friends” instead of just friends? That would explain the earth pony’s overprotective behavior. Bon feels like she’d take a bullet for Lyra. But let’s be honest, she’s just trying not to hurt our feelings. I can clearly tell she meant it in the sense I initially believed. I suppose we’re still at the early stages of friendship.

Rainbow Dash groaned, looking away from the entire conversation. She picked up and looked like she wanted to leave now. Good, considering she was the biggest threat here. Bon Bon is much less dangerous with Lyra around, not that I wish to imply that she’s nothing more to me than a shield. No pony is more deserving of my friendship than her, Lucky not included for obvious reasons.

“Ugh, whatever. Keep on going with your drama without me. Just know that I’ll keep an eye on you two in case you try anything funny.”

Applejack sighed. “Only time will tell what yer intentions are, Ah just hope yer not thinkin’ ‘bout hurtin’ anypony.”

Lucky Clover nodded. “Rest assured; we’re not going to be here for long.”

And finally, the two mares left. Sure, Bon Bon was still there but without these two, it was three against one, the odds were in our favor. Now I’d just like for Lyra to somehow get Bon away for we’re about to head to a creepy castle in the woods and that certainly won’t put us in a good light.

“So, what are you guys up to?” Lyra asked curiously. “Maybe Bonnie and I could tag along?”

You, yes. Bon Bon? No.

“Might be a bit of a problem.” Lucky, what are you doing? “Where we’re heading is much easier to reach with wings.”

Lyra blinked. “Oh, r-right. Cloudsdale’s off limit for other ponies.”

I nodded, hoping they would leave us. It’s sad we can’t bring only Lyra with us. We can’t have it all. “Yup.”

“Actually, we were heading for the old castle in the Everfree forest. I heard there’s a lot of lost knowledge in there.” Lucky, the fuck? Why would you tell them that? That’s very suspicious for two civilians to go to abandoned areas seeking ‘lost knowledge’. You make it sound like we’re cultists.

Lyra’s eyes widened. “Oh! That sounds really interesting! I know the Everfree is dangerous and all, but I won’t mind following you two along. Who knows? Maybe they have lost information about humans?”

Lucky Clover frowned. “We’re flying there. I really don’t think you should tag along. We’re not going to risk our skin in that gloomy forest.”

Lyra waved her hoof. “We can handle ourselves just fine!” She looked at her “close friend” with a pleading expression. “Please? I swear they’re really nice if you give them a chance!”

Stared down by the two vicious eyes of the earth pony, I could see there was something more to this mare. Lucky felt it too. She was extremely dangerous, but we couldn’t figure out why. Thankfully, it seemed she’s more open than I thought. “Alright, if you insist...”

I don’t know if it was a good idea to fly to that castle whilst our two grounded friends trekked through the dark forest. If they died, it would have been our fault. Still, Lyra Heartstring reassured me that they would get there just fine. I suppose I’ll just have to place my faith in Bon Bon, and I don’t know how to feel about that.

We each brought a saddlebag (this world’s version of a handbag I presume) to bring back some of the books we’d judge interesting.

My flight wasn’t the best. I was still moving weirdly, constantly having to think about my wing’s movement. I was like a child learning how to walk, nothing was done subconsciously, it all had to be manual. It’s really, really hard to fly when you’re normally a grounded specie. Lucky Clover was nice enough to slow down so I could keep up with him. At our speed, we were slightly faster than a trotting pony.

I’m getting the hang of it, at least. Hopefully I can fly more comfortable before I leave this world and this body behind. It’s my one and only chance to fly, sometime most humans dream of.

Remember when I said memories were resurfacing? It happened again while Lucky Clover and I were flying to the castle. Memories of a computer screen, documents on Microsoft Word amongst other things.

I believe... I truly was a writer all along. That cutie mark on me, it’s truly who I am. Money wasn’t a problem for me. Never was, but I remember a somewhat empty feeling inside me whenever I completed a work. It’s true now, I really was a hack writer. My profession was not an art form, it was just that, a job. I only embarked on this venture for financial gain, not out of a love for writing. As such, it was etched on my new body permanently. An insult to millions of people.

Needless to say, it didn’t feel good to be reminded of that.

And as for my friends, I had few. Maybe only two at most. I never understood the kind of people that’d go around making friends left and right. These kinds of friendship never seemed to be deep, genuine really. I’d rather call them acquaintances. I was fine with having only two friends because they were two I could count on. People that chose to stay in contact with me because they truly appreciated who I am. Not sure they would appreciate what I do for a living...

Oh my, a lot has happened in such a little amount of time, hasn’t it? And to think I initially believed I was stuck in a skin suit Tusk style. Funny how quick I was to accept that this is my reality now. Following a possible covert agent into a wild adventure to hop in a portal back home. I don’t know, it just feels like I’m missing something. Maybe it’s a job I’m actually satisfied of?

I’d really like to go back home; I don’t see how I can write with hooves instead of fingers.

Well, back to our travel. We arrived a few minutes later at the old castle in the middle of the Everfree forest. I seriously wonder whose idea was this to create a palace for the two rulers of a country in the middle of a hostile forest filled with hungry beasts. That’s the stupidest idea ever. Or maybe there didn’t use to be a gloomy forest around it?

“And now, we wait for them, assuming they can make it.” Lucky Clover coldly announced, resting upon a nearby boulder.

“Come on, aren’t you a little worried for them?”

Lucky gave me an undecipherable look. “I suppose I am, but never forget to focus on the mission. We can’t lose track of it, not when we’re this far in.”

Eh, good enough. I guess Lucky Clover must be as fond of them as I am. I suppose it makes sense, considering his background and all. Still, it would be nice if he’d open his heart some more. They might not be humans, but they should still be treated with as much dignity. I mean, there isn’t a lot of difference between us and them. We both have sentience, societies and buildings. They’re practically us in a way. I’m sure he already knows; he just doesn’t seem to care since it’s not the “mission”.

“I know, I know.”

Now that I think about it, I still don’t know Lucky’s real name! We’re far away from other ponies, it wouldn’t hurt to share our true names now that we’re alone. But right as I opened my mouth to ask, two small figures emerged from the dark forest, that being Lyra Heartstring and Bon Bon. Dang it! I guess it will have to wait, again. I swear, if I don’t get the chance to learn it before our ways split, I’m gonna be pissed.

“Hey! Told you guys we were gonna make it. Of course, it was mostly thanks to Bon Bon. She’s just the best!” Lyra exclaimed jovially. Her close friend didn’t seem so jovial, but her mood was noticeably better than before, so progress was made at least.

“Alright then, I guess we’ll be heading inside to the library to find all sorts of lost knowledge.” I announced, staring inside the decrepit castle.

“Yeah, speaking of lost knowledge...” Bon Bon trotted up to us pegasi and gave us the side eye as she examined the entrance. “What are you two exactly looking for that’s exclusively in here?”

“Oh, just some stuff about humans. I got my friend here into studying mythological creatures, we thought we could find more stuff about these bipedal creatures inside this old place!” God, speaking about us like that is just plain weird. Bipedal creature? Pff!

Lyra smiled brightly, barely able to contain her excitement. Her friend, meanwhile, sighed in defeat. “Sweet Celestia, I fought a manticore for books about humans...”

I understand your disappointment. I honestly don’t see all the hype about us, we did some cool shit throughout history, but we’re also some of the biggest scumbags ever. We live to conquer and assimilate. That’s Europe and America for y’all.

Inside the castle, things didn’t start out too well. We heard a strange sound in the distance, I can’t tell you what it was. It sounded like some sort of metallic creak. Faced with this creepy occurrence, we turned to Lucky Clover for a suggestion. “Alright, what do we do?”

“Let’s split up, that seems like the best idea to me.”

Lyra stepped on something, squishy. “Uh, there’s a dead rat on the floor.”

“Let’s camouflage ourselves with fresh blood... that seems like the best idea to me.”

Okay, now I know what you’re thinking. Daniel! Tell us the truth! It’s not possible that he’s that bad! And to that I swear I’m not making this up. You’ll see in a moment.

So, guess what? We (mostly I) found an old typewriter in this place! And it was still in working condition. I was born when these machines were starting to fall out of fashion so by the time I got into writing, they were already replaced by the much superior computer overlords. Just the novelty of using one got me excited.

So excited in fact, I decided to sit down and use it right now whilst Lucky Clover watched in the back.

“Dear diary, today I arrived in an old castle that is really, really scary.”

“It’s giving me white hair.”

We were all really bad.

Anyway, we made our way to the library soon after, carrying the typewriter for safekeeping. Old dusty bookshelves everywhere, torn books littering the place, cobwebs and rats roaming around, making their home inside this castle. Not a welcoming look, but if we ignore that, the rest is in surprisingly good condition for what’s supposed to be a thousand-year-old library. I opened one of the books and was surprised to see it was still readable, only a little dusty.

“Oh, wow. Maybe this wasn’t a waste of time.”

Lucky Clover chuckled, flying above me. “Naturally, this castle isn’t any abandoned castle after all. It belonged to Princess Celestia and Luna, the two rulers of Equestria.”

And I’m guessing we shouldn’t go anywhere near these two. Yatti yatta, I know the song already, no need to remind me.

Bon Bon stayed close to Lyra the whole time, occasionally checking on us to make sure we weren’t doing something suspicious, which would be hard to do when all we’re looking for are books. We just need to nab a book on portals and stuff while she’s not paying attention to us and voila, mission accomplished, we can pack up and go home.

Lucky searched the upper bookshelves while I stayed grounded, looking at the lower parts. I didn’t feel confident enough to hover above ground. Again, my control over my wings were still subpar compared to a normal non-human pegasus. My friend here seemed like a natural, he couldn’t have been here for a few weeks, it had to be longer. Sure hope I won’t be there that long.

“Hack, you might want to see this.” He eventually said after a couple of minutes of searching.

“Is it about humans? Let me see!” We heard Lyra screaming from across the room.

Lucky raised his voice, “No, it’s just a book about us pegasus. Sorry.”

It was exactly what we were looking for. A book about portals and stuff. With enough luck, we should be able to find a wormhole of some sort that’ll take us back to Earth. The problem was that the book was referring to the old Equestria while we are currently in the present Equestria. Towns, woods and other things have changed since then. To find one of these portals, we essentially have to solve a puzzle. Nothing’s that easy. That’s life.

“I have some books that could help us identify these places at home. Let’s look for more in the meantime.” Lucky exclaimed, closing the book and placing it in his saddlebag.

“Ooh! Check this out, guys!” Lyra screamed, running towards us with a book levitating at her side. “It says here that humans believe we unicorns are mythological creature! Ah, isn’t this funny how wrong we both are? I didn’t know mythological creature could also have their own myths.” Her eyes widened and she gasped. “But what if it’s not possible? Myths can’t have myths in them! That could only mean one thing...”

Bon Bon rolled her eyes. “Not likely, Lyra. This is not definitive proof of humans existing. Having myths inside a myth is like making spin-off stories. Sure, it’s rather odd but it’s not impossible by any means.”

Lyra frowned, holding the book within her hooves. “A mare can always dream.”

“Sure, just don’t get your hopes up.”

Oh, do get your hopes up. On second thought, no, I agree with Bon Bon. I don’t believe we’ll ever get to reveal to her that humans do exist. It’s sad but at the same time, a mystery is always more fun when you don’t have the answer to it. As some artist would say, we really ought to respect the mystery instead of always wanting the answer. Maybe it’s best we let her believe without knowing.

“If it makes you happy, then keep on pursuing that dream. The fun’s in the getting, not in the having after all.”

Lyra smiled, pointing at me. “See? Hack here gets it, Bonnie.”

Just then, we heard a quiet ruffling in the distance. That was bigger than a critter, around our size. It sounded like a pony, but weaker. Faced with this strange and feeble presence, Lyra and I looked to Bon Bon and Lucky Clover respectively for guidance. Although, in retrospect, maybe I shouldn’t have placed my faith in him considering his previous advice weren’t the best.

“There should be an exit nearby. Let’s not stick around any longer. That thing could be more dangerous than a manticore for all we know.” Bon Bon instructed first.

Lucky Clover didn’t look so pleased to be forced to listen to an earth pony. I didn’t care personally; I was willing to follow the first one to speak up.

The strange pony creature didn’t follow us, but we could feel it was close. It knew we were here, and it was observing us but didn’t dare to close in. As such, we got out of this old castle quickly, having thankfully found what we were looking for though we’re only slightly closer to home...

Author's Note

Hey there! Sorry to have taken so long with this chapter. I was very busy this week, you see. I learned to cook some vegetables and also learned about Nicolas Cage's massive talent. Then, I snuck with my family into a dinosaur lab to retrieve some raptor embryos that we sold off for a good fortune. We had a hard time making our exit because we thought it would be a good idea to dismantle a phone instead of checking its content. We left only six seconds before security came thanks to our incredible brain power!

The next day, I went kart racing with my sister and her girlfriend and almost got into an accident because I was blinded by my own hood, then I fought off a zombie horde with my siblings and mother. I was a lousy shot back there but I redeemed myself later on, you'll see. Then, we went to shoot some fuckers down in a laser tag arena. Then, I captured a triceratops, a t-rex and a spinosaurus with my mom and promptly murdered at least 200 innocent raptors. They said we saved the dinosaurs but I honestly don't know if that's true. Anyway, she was awesome, I was awesome, it cost a bit of money though...

Oh, and let's not forget the time I saved the world from a zombie outbreak on a Friday with the help of my family, except for my dad, he recorded us being awesome. I headshotted the most of these undead bastards, so I get the marksman award. Lastly, we ate at a italian restaurant where I stupidly ordered some coffee despite knowing I fucking hate coffee. It looked like someone vomitted in it 'cause it had this sickly green color.

So... understand why this chapter took some time? It also means that my other stories' progress were slow, nonexistant to be precise. So, sorry 'bout that.

7. Think I've Gone A Bit Crazy!

After our quick trip back to Ponyville, Lucky Clover announced that he’ll return home to check out his book. Of course, to figure out the map and the locations of the possible portals. Hope he finds something useful; I don’t want to hit another dead end.

Meanwhile, I chose to go with Lyra and Bon Bon to read more about the mythical humans. I’ve gotta know what kind of information they have on us. The fact that they have any on us at all is cause for concern. I mean, I don’t think we have anything on them, so how can they know about us? Magic, I’m guessing. I do not know if there even are limitations to magic and that’s quite worrying.

What’s also cause for concern is the suspicious look Bon Bon is giving me right now. I don’t know what she’s suspecting, what I do know is that trouble is on the horizon. Still, I would look more suspicious if I decided to dip out when I previously exclaimed to be fascinated by humans.

“What? Do I have something caught in my teeth?”

Bon Bon narrowed her eyes. “Everything you say comes out of left field. I know you’re hiding something from us. As such, I’ll be staying near you and make sure you don’t do anything... lovely.”

Exactly what I feared. Oh boy, she must be onto our cover story. It does look kind of suspicious to mention that I love mythology exactly after Lyra proclaimed her love for humans. Bon Bon’s gonna be a tough one to dodge. For now, all I can do is act casual.

“All the ladies love a mysterious stallion.”

Lyra snorted. “Depends which way they swing! What I do know is that I love me a mysterious mare.” She gave her girlfriend the bedroom eyes.

Bon Bon smiled. “Don’t we all have our little secrets?”

But mine is supposed to be exposed to everybody in town. Damn double standards. I know you're hiding us something, Bon Bon but unlike you, I won't try to expose it out of respect.

Anyway, once we got to their home, we settled down on the couch, opening the old book in search of ancient human knowledge. Considering this book is like centuries old, I’m expecting to learn cool facts about our own ancient history. Well, that is if these ponies got it right. We technically don’t exist to them after all. It’ll be a fun game to discern facts from speculations, something that’ll calm me down.

Flipping through the pages, Lyra searched eagerly for the section regarding humans. There was a lot of interesting things in this book, some confirmed to be real. Others, not certain. I saw stuff like a four-legged pony-like insect creature that got a strong reaction out of Bon Bon. Didn’t see the name though. I’m guessing they must have had a run-in with that thing.

Then, I saw what appeared to be a chimera, a goatlike ogre and things called sirens, creatures that do not resemble humans at all in this world. Instead, they resembled ponies more which would make sense considering what the dominant specie is in this strange world.

“Wow, for a millennia old book, it sure has a lot!” Lyra commented happily.

“Naturally, it was written by Starswirl the Bearded, the most famous unicorn in pony history. I'm guessing he should know too considering he's also into humans.” Bon Bon added, giving me a rather nasty side eye.

I could see the gears turning in Lyra’s head. “Oh yeah, Starswirl... He disappeared a thousand years ago too. Nopony truly knew what happened to him. Still, he at least left us with some cool stuff. He apparently was the only pony who had knowledge of humans! Even saw some with his own eyes! Most of what we have now are just theories based off his testimonies.”

Bon Bon sighed. “We don’t know if said testimonies were true either. Nopony ever verified them, not like they could because the portal he mentioned in them is long gone, remember?”

Lyra Heartstring frowned, lowering her ears. “I know. Still, most of what is said in this book should be correct.”

“Depends on what correct means in this context.” Bon Bon deadpanned.

I cleared my throat. “Can we read the human section? I’m dying to learn about Starswirl’s original account.” I have no clue who Starswirl is or what he did to this world’s history and I'm guessing I should already know if I was an actual pegasus. It would be a dead giveaway of my true nature as a faker if I asked. Bon Bon's toying with me right now, I can tell.

“Right.” Lyra scoured through the first page, her eyes brightening up with each paragraph she skimmed through. “Oh my gosh. I didn’t even know that! Look, ponies!” She pointed at a specific paragraph, inviting us to read alongside her. “I didn’t know that humans also had pastel colored skin just like us! They have everything; from blues to yellows to greens!”

Hold up, that can’t be right at all. I’ve never seen a blue human before. We don’t look like Smurfs... I should have seen it coming in hindsight. The so-called humans they were talking about all along wasn’t the ones I had in mind. So, not only do we have proof of alien life, but we have proof of human aliens being a thing somewhere out there in the vast emptiness of space.

Great, what’s next? I’m stuck inside a kid’s show? There’s a devious god out there watching me and laughing at my many misfortunes? I’m living inside a simulation?

“And just as I believed, humans don’t have magic! It’s only present in Equestria, but not in their world!” Lyra continued, her voice raising with each passage she read. “Oh my gosh. He found a human called Flash Magnus in there! Just like in Equestria! Their history mirrors ours to some extent! Minus the wendigos, disharmony seems to be a constant in their world. Starswirl constantly mentions wars and conflicts in there long past the founding of Equestria...”

Bon Bon rolled her eyes. “Pff, who would want to live in there?”

Easy for you to say, damn perfect species. There’s no way they don’t have conflicts in this world. Nobody’s that perfect! Maybe this place simply has perfected diplomacy to the point that there’s no need for bloodshed. In that case, I’m starting to believe these ponies are going to outlive us by a wide margin. Plus, don’t they also have all sorts of dangerous monsters they need to watch out for? No world is that perfect!

Lyra was shaking with excitement, barely able to hold it in her. “So, I guess that most of the theories I’ve read didn’t stray too far from Starswirl’s the Bearded account. I can’t believe he’s literally the only pony to have visited the human world... and documented it! Gyah! I wish I could have been there with him!”

“Well, do you reckon there could be more pathways to their world? Or was the one Starswirl used truly the only one available.” I asked, worried. Honestly, I don’t know if I should be reassured should one be found. It’s not my world, probably. Maybe these ponies just have pastel colored vision... Nah, I’m just coping. I only want to return to the human world because I have people there waiting for me. If it’s not the world I’m looking for, then I’d rather stay here for the rest of my life. No way am I crawling back to humanity for its nonexistent charms.

I know I sound like a cynical asshole again. If you could see how beautiful this place looked, you’d most certainly agree with me.

“I believe so...” Lyra said, uncertain. “I mean, there could be more, but they haven’t been documented at all. Still, I wouldn’t go as far as to throw myself around all Equestria in hopes to find one.”

I could see Bon Bon throw a quick smile in there.

“Shucks, I was hoping we could somehow get in contact with humans again. It’s a shame Starswirl was the only pony to have done so.” I lamented. Real sad stuff. I’m counting on Lucky Clover to somehow find a way outta there, but the more I learn the more I’m starting to believe this place was a one-way ticket...

And what the hell was that merchant’s deal? There’s no way he’s human, or even found any of these items on Earth. Bastard could have told me this was a one-way ticket, he only said it was all-powerful. Doesn’t help much. Man, this guy could really work on his marketing. If I get back to Earth, uh, somehow, I swear I’ll leave a terrible review score. That should teach him.

Lyra shrugged. “Oh well, I suppose it’s more fun that way. A famous author once said; ‘A mystery is the closest thing to a dream. Just the word “mystery” is exciting. Riddles and mysteries are wonderful until they are solved. So I believe that we must respect the mysteries.’ I agree with that whole statement. I mean, I wouldn’t be this involved in humans if we could prove their existence that easily!”

I can agree with that too, unfortunately... I’m so goddamn sick and tired of mysteries! How many fucking mysteries are there already? Too many to count that’s what! Can’t I please get an answer for once! It’s all fun and game to theorise but I’m trying to head back home, the last thing I need is to entertain a mystery. My life is at stake! Luckily, Lucky understands that.

Oh, and I did hear that quote before. That famous author Lyra mentioned; It’s David Lynch. So what? Do they have a pony David Lynch running around making movies too? Somebody’s messing with me, I can tell!

“So... what now? We’ve seen pretty much everything we wanted.” Bon Bon exclaimed, staring blankly at the book. “Shouldn’t we prepare dinner? It’s starting to get late, Lyra.”

We looked out the window, seeing the sunset. I haven’t even thought about eating, but I can feel hunger rising within me. All this thinking and planning is making me crave for some food. A nice, good steak, which I probably won’t get anytime soon. And I don’t have the patience to go fishing, even to eat a fish raw.

“You’re right. I’ll read more later.” Lyra concluded, closing the book. “Oh, a-and what about him?”

Bon Bon blinked, staring me down. “Are you saying we’ll...”

Lyra nodded. Once again, I can trust her to help. “Of course! He’s our guest after all!”

“Lyra, we... we just don’t have enough food for three ponies. Look, I don’t want to sound like I’m actively being harsh to him, because I’m not, it’s just that we can’t split what we have left between three ponies.” Bon Bon explained. I’m not sure if she’s being sincere or not. The only thing I know for real is that I’m probably going to have to find a restaurant or something to eat.

Not that it will be a problem; my brilliant money (sorry, bits) gathering scheme worked wonderfully. I can easily pay myself a few meals by myself. Plus, I think some alone time would do me some good. I’m way too tense around certain ponies, one I’m directly looking at.

I’d have much less trouble being away from her. “Yeah, whatever. I’ll go eat at a nearby cafe.”

Lyra seemed hesitant to let me go, but I reassured her that I was fine with this. The last thing I want to do is stir up drama between two “close friends”. I know nothing about relationships, so I won’t try to get myself involved in theirs. It’ll probably end in catastrophe, I just know. I’ve never been good around two people in relationships, probably because I’m so... gaseous for some reason. I farted and burped a couple of times throughout this entire maddening experience. I just didn’t let you know out of embarrassment, O mysterious other being that’s probably watching me.

Just as I expected, I found a nice cafe in Ponyville. There weren’t many customers, which was nice. I wanted some peace and quiet and I found it. I took a seat outside because I wanted a nice view of the town while I ate. There’s just something about eating out there in nature that’s wonderful, you know?

Now that I’m thinking about it, why have I been spending this whole time thinking as if somebody was reading my thoughts? Am I just being weird, or was I somehow programmed to be that way. Yeah, programmed, like if I was in a simulation. That could explain the weird pony stuff.

Hey, what if I AM living in a simulation? Was I getting too close to exposing the truth and that’s why they sent me in this wild goose chase about returning ‘home’? Well, if it’s a simulation, then make something happen, world, cause it’s been pretty shitty so far!

Hm... hopeless, probably. Nobody really controls the simulation, now do they? Or maybe they just don’t want to bother doing something. Who knows, maybe I’m currently being watched by other beings seeing my thoughts being put into words...

Alright, alright. If this is a simulation being controlled by other beings, then let’s test it. Hello? Other beings? If you’re out there, show us a sign. What if I just turn around and see “Twiliiight!”

“Oh? Hello, um, mister Hack Writer, was it?” Holy shit! How did I not see Miss Twilight Fucking Sparkle behind me? Was she there from the start, or did she pick a table while I wasn’t looking? Hey, hold on. There’s somebody else with her! That’s Rarity!

“Y-Yeah, that’s my name... Don’t really like it.” Shit, I’m getting this feeling again. This eerie feeling of familiarity, like I know that voice. I said it a couple of times before, but something about Twilight feels familiar and the more she talks, the closer I’m getting to figuring it out.

“Hack, darling! How are you doing?” Rarity asked, sounding genuinely concerned.

“Uh, fine.”

“Good, I was worried you might be feeling nervous or unwelcome here. I’ve heard about Rainbow and Applejack’s little interrogation, and I found that simply rude of them. But please pardon them, we’re all a little on edge after all, they meant no harm, I swear.” Rarity took a sip from her cup of tea. Twilight nodded in agreement with her.

"I'm almost positive you're not one of them." The lavender unicorn added.

So, from the looks of it, they were already here before me. I’m just blind. Great.

“I’m sure they have their reasons; I don’t blame them.” I looked at the menu, seeking something nice that meshes well with my more human diet. Maybe I should say omnivorous. Ponies are herbivores but we humans are omnivores. Or are these ponies' omnivores too? Well, considering one of them is called Applejack, I’m guessing yes.

Which is weird too now that I think about it. Why are ponies so similar to us humans? I’m telling you, this whole simulation theory is starting to seem more plausible with each new information I get! Real life might just be like the freaking Matrix. These other beings might be more mechanical than I thought and all these pastel colors are just there to distract me from the fact that I live in the bad timeline.

“In any case...” Twilight started, getting me to stop salivating over the menu. “You look a little tired. Are you doing, okay? No offense, but you look worse and worse by the days.”

That would be because of your friends. No, I can’t say that, else I’ll look like a douchebag. “Let’s just say my stress has been piling up recently, b-but I’ll manage. Don’t worry.”

Yeah... I definitely know that voice. It’s a human voice! Somebody on Earth has that exact same voice, but who? I’ve heard it a million times, always at the same place. Okay...

Often at the same hour. Same place, same hour. The television? I heard that voice on the television! I got to make her speak again. “Uh, any recommendations? I’m not sure what I should pick.”

Rarity was quick to answer me. “You need to try out the Magnus salad! It’s delicious, very healthy and has very little fat. The perfect meal for every mare, and stallions too.”

Twilight chuckled. “Well, I usually take a daisy sandwich. It’s enough for me.”

Ha ha! I got it! That voice I heard a million times before, at my television; it’s... Tara Strong? That’s a funny coincidence; she’s known for voicing a lot of cartoon characters. Characters kinda like...

Twilight Sparkle.

Hold on, I think I’m remembering something.

Oh, fuck.

No fucking way.

Tara Strong... voiced Twilight Sparkle in a show called My Little Pony! This entire world, is it really a little girl’s show? Is that what I’m stuck in?

I am inside a show meant for little girls. Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Lucky Clover, Lyra Heartstring, Bon Bon, Fluttershy, all these names have a certain cutesy feel to it. It’s either a pun, a combination of words meant to reflect the personality or a reference to their cutie mark. Even the word cutie mark sound girly. It all makes so much sense!

I’m an extra in this girl’s television program! I’m just there to fill the background or something.

Holy shit. I AM living in a simulation! They placed me out of the main course by sending the merchant after me as a cover up for my transfer. I’m in here as some form of punishment. Hello? Other beings? Could you like, place me back on Earth? I’m sorry for whatever I did and I promise I won’t do it again!

He he he he. My Little Pony! My name is Hack Writer! My cutie mark is a literal jab at me! I’m as well-groomed as a baboon! I’m green like vomit and everybody thinks I’m an imposter! My best friend is a delusional idiot who dreams to work for Queen Elizabeth II and I’m starting to catch feelings for talking horses!

Where’s the merchant in this bad trip of a world? Nowhere! He tricked me and left me to rot! Who can I rely on? What about Lyra Heartstring, Bon Bon and Pinkie Pie? Applejack and Rainbow Dash? No, that last one's a bitch.

Ha ha! Think I’ve gone a bit crazy!

Alone in this world! Mocked by higher beings, they pulled me apart. Put me together again in this stupid body. Like a monstrous pony-human hybrid, a Frankenstein of sort. An insult against mother nature, if she even existed!

Oh, I remember the days when I couldn’t stop hearing about this stupid show. Now I’m stuck inside a fad I fucking hated. Why bother returning home, I never had a home! I’m just a line of code inside a simulation being mocked by gods. You bumbling deities, you thought I couldn’t figure it out, didn’t ya? Now Daniel, er, Writer is freed from your shackles, and I swear, I’ll get out of there and break your legs! Don’t try me!

“D-Darling? Are you alright? You’re, uh, shaking quite a lot.”

I remember the time when the world said I was on fire. I would publish three books every year, this hack writer would shine! I make money, not art! But now I’m left to rot in this world that’s mocking me at every turn. And you’re all laughing at me, for that I am sure! To whoever brought me here, you deserve all the punishment you have in store! I’ll get back to my world somehow and then I’ll settle the damn score.

“Are you cold? You should probably return home and relax for the day. I’ll bring your meal to you.”

This simulation can’t hold me! There’s always a design flaw in everything. I’ll find it, exploit it and get out.

“What will you order, sir?”

“My order? MY order? How about a bunch of codes meant to represent a daisy sandwich, huh? Then, it’ll go inside my virtual stomach and satiate my programmed need for hunger. Just another means by which the simulation keeps us all fooled into believing this is reality!”

“S-So... the daisy sandwich it is?”

“Hack, you’re not feeling well. You should take a walk in the park, maybe that’ll calm you down.”

“Yes, darling. Y-You look like you could use some time alone.”

O-Oh, right. They’re probably not... No, maybe it is me who’s just freaking out. “R-Right. I’m sorry, I don’t know what overcame me.”

I should just leave and think about it some more, away from other people, er, ponies. They’re ponies, not people. “You know what, you’re absolutely right. I think I just need to take a walk an- OH! What’s the point?! Nothing has meaning anymore! Years of writing practice ruined!”

I must have passed out. I don’t know what happened or even how I got here, but I was in a hospital based on the many machineries around me. I was laying on a bed, wings outstretched but seemingly unharmed, thankfully. The worst part was that Lyra and Bon Bon were staring me down with worry in their eyes. “Uh, what happened?”

Lyra blinked, her horrified gaze making me increasingly nervous. “You had a mental breakdown in the middle of town and then passed out. We hauled you to the hospital just in case it was bad.”

“Yeah, what even got you like that?” Bon Bon asked. It was... refreshing to see her care about me for once instead of viewing me as nothing but danger.

“Just an existential realisation. Look, I’m just under a lot of stress, nothing more.” I answered, which was an honest response but apparently, it wasn’t enough.

Lyra bit her lip. “Are you sure this is just stress? You were laughing manically and saying a bunch of nonsense about a ‘simulation’, whatever that is. You spooked everypony!”

I could feel my cheek grow a little hot. Thankfully, I don’t even remember any of this happening so at least I’m saved from forever reliving this cursed memory. Sadly, I don’t think anybody will ever forget that. Man, I hope there are no cameras in this world ‘cause if somebody recorded me, I’d be screwed. “Oh, crap.”

Hey, now that I’m fully awake, I just realised that Lucky Clover wasn’t around. There were only these two, but strangely not him. “Lucky’s not here?”

“I don’t think he knows what just happened.” Bon Bon answered. “He must still be busy with that book you two found at the old castle.”

“Oh, that’s great. I don’t want him to know what I did.”

Lyra frowned. “He’s going to find out eventually. Your meltdown’s spreading to the entire town. It’s a wild phenomenon.”

Her girlfriend nodded. “He’ll know the moment he steps outside.”

Fuck. He’s going to fucking kill me.

The entire point of our mission is to bring no attention to us, and I did the exact opposite in the least graceful way possible. I can only hope that all of Ponyville won’t find me suspicious. I’d rather be viewed as a looney than a dangerous creature that needs to be locked up. I can live with the eternal humiliation... I think.

Maybe Lucky won’t. “I want to die.”

“Just hang in there for a couple more days, I’m sure this will die down eventually.” Lyra consoled. I really appreciate her kindness, but no. People never forget, ponies are surely not different. This is my career ruining moment, having a meltdown over the simulation in public.

“And for the foreseeable future, you could maybe use some medications or seek professional help if you’re having that much trouble with stress and anxiety.” Bon Bon advised, trotting away from my bed. Her voice sounded a little softer than before.

Honestly, I would totally listen to her advice, well maybe once I’m home, whatever home is. I still can’t discredit the simulation theory. I mean, if magical talking horses are real, what’s to say that the simulation isn’t? Anything is possible at this point and that’s scaring me. How can we even be sure of anything anymore?

Anyhow, I should leave this place and go back to Lucky and wait for all of this to blow over. A simple three step plan.

“Just... take care of yourself, okay? I don’t want anything awful to happen to you.” Lyra said before leaving with her girlfriend.

Somehow, I managed to make a friend in Bon Bon. Was my meltdown so pathetic and pitiful that she did a complete 180 on me? God, I hope not, sorta. It’s good she’s worried about me but I don’t know what that implies about the shit I blurted out back there.

Hold on, I had that meltdown right next to Twilight Sparkle and Rarity! That must have activated their bullshit detectors! I can’t be ruled out as innocent now.

And then there’s the elephant in the room which is the fact that this is My Little Pony. I’m stuck inside a cartoon for little girls with another poor soul. Could it be that whatever things we human create become a reality in some way? If yes, then holy shit, that’s really bad. We’ve created so many horrible things that should they become real, it would mean the destruction of literally everything. God, the more I think about my situation, the more scared I get.

It just... feels like we can die at any moment, and we won’t even realise it. Death is already sudden enough as is but now, all bets are off. Fiction no longer exists and that’s scary.

Does Lucky Clover know? He should if he doesn’t. I gotta tell him all about the reality of our predicament. Maybe home won’t be a safe haven for us. Maybe there’s no such thing as safety.

Gah! Why do I always go to the most pessimistic thoughts every time! It’s not helping me at all. It’s only making it worse. Shit, all I really have is determination and if I lose that, then it’s all over.

Heh, I never had that much motivation in hindsight. I’m probably the textbook example of a lazy person. It always takes me like half an hour to get out of bed in the morning, I reluctantly do my work, wasting lots of time to actually get the job done and then proceed to do nothing productive with the free time I’m allowed.

I suppose I could learn a thing or two from being in this world. Never have I ever had to put this much work into doing something. In the process, I made three friends, much more than what I accomplished in over two decades back on Earth.

I feel... actual accomplishment in that. Some solace in knowing I made some progress.

Hm...

Maybe it’s time I get my shit together. Become someone I can be proud of. Write stories for the sake of the art instead of money. As they say, “you can’t rush art”. It’s time I become a new person, one that’s more deserving of this much love and attention. I gotta get back to Lucky Clover, now.

Author's Note

Here you go, a chapter mostly inspired by one funny joke that in the end caused a domino effect. Next chapter, we'll see the fallout of that nervous breakdown. Our poor transformed human is getting very homesick and slowly losing his mind trying to keep up appearances.

8. Who's That Merchant?

A storm’s coming, I can just feel it on the horizon. I’m still in this bed, fine and dandy but I’m not sure if I should just up and leave right now. I know I messed up big time, Lucky Clover probably won’t forgive the sheer stupidity of what I did but damn it how could I have been prepared for any of this?

I know nothing about this world, I’m forced to learn and adapt on the go unlike him who’s got some experience by being here longer. I’m trying my best, but it’s become painfully evident that I’m just not cut out for this undercover mission.

I just... try not to think about it. It should be easy, really. I’ve slowly forgotten what home is but damn it, I miss it still! All I have are bits and pieces, a puzzle that needs to be solved. I’m slowly recovering and with each new piece of information I recover, I feel worse about being here. So far away from home.

It’s only been, like what, 2 days? I’m already feeling homesick. My nice warm bed, my cozy bedroom, and the powerful roar of the wind against my windows, even the bad stuff feel nostalgic strangely. I’d gladly take the path of most resistance to return home. Well, maybe I’m already walking down that path.

Right now, I just need... to clear my mind, to dispel the stupid ideas I’ve formed earlier. Alright, there is no simulation, no other beings are controlling me. I am the architect of my own misery, the good and bad things that happen to me; they’re my doing. I’m my own master. The fact that this world was also a TV show for little girls doesn’t discredit any of what I’m doing here.

Great, that helped. I should stop thinking about these conspiracy theories anymore, or else I’ll sound like a real nutjob in front of the entire town again. We can still make this work, Lucky. We’ll just find an excuse for my behavior and proceed with your plan, whatever it is. I can only hope you found one. This place is pretty and all but I don’t believe I’m willing to give up what I had in a heartbeat.

I mean, I’ll miss Lyra and Heartstring when I’ll be gone but on the bright side, I’ll get to see my human friends again. I’ve rarely been forced into conversations and parties before and honestly, I think I did fairly well in them. Not perfect of course, I was pretty awkward in my own welcome party.

Anyhow, I figure I should leave this bed and return to Lucky Clover as soon as humanely, excuse me, equinely possible. Yeah, don’t forget their vocabulary is different. Still, before I leave, I gotta admit this room makes me feel at ease. Warm and vibrant walls, the sun shining through the windows, it looks more welcoming than the hospital rooms I’ve been in before.
Ugh, I still remember that one time I was shackled to a hospital bed in another city, 600 miles away from my hometown... Hey, come to think of it, I wasn’t born a city boy. I was in a more rural environment before I moved to the big cities in my adult years.

I was infected with a virus that was relatively new to us back then. My left eye had swollen, and it got so bad that it forced it to close. I couldn’t open that eye for the entirety of my treatment, it was this bad and the doctors at my little hometown couldn’t do a thing about it. They didn’t know how to deal with that virus.

The consequence? They sent me on a plane flying straight to the big city, into a hospital meant exclusively to take care of sick children. This was the only place that could heal me, and bring me out of my pitiful state. And during all this time, I was blissfully unaware of the potential implications. To me, I just had the flu and couldn’t open my left eye, that was it. And so, I was alone 600 miles away from my family in an unfamiliar hospital in a city I never went to on my own.

Yeah, that’s why I felt so homesick when I was in that hospital room. They gave me like five different shots in under three minutes. For a little kid, that’s agony. I’ve gotten over my deep hatred of syringes over time, but I will admit that I still shudder whenever I have to get my vaccine. It doesn’t hurt, at first, but the pain afterward is bothersome though. I just feel irked to know my arm is being penetrated by a small, small needle.

Yeah, that week spent in this hospital was a horrible nightmare. Um, luckily my dad traveled all the way to make sure I was doing good over there. He even brought me some toys so I wouldn’t be bored in that empty room.

There were other forms of entertainment too. I had not thought to bring a console with me but I was lucky ‘cause there was a nice lady that went from room to room with her portable console. She’d give it to the sick children of this hospital so that they could have some fun and just forget about their current situation.

Oh, how nostalgic. Funny how I look back at this moment somewhat fondly when I distinctly remember hating most of it.
I couldn’t stop thinking of home, of my family, and how much I just wanted to see them again and be far away from this place. The day I arrived I was already feeling this way. I’ve changed quite a bit since then but not by much. Today, it only took me two days to bring back that sad feeling. Progress, however slim it is.

But this time, I’m not sick and I’m not a helpless little kid. I can make my own decisions; and choose to follow whoever I want. My destiny is not entirely in somebody else’s hands. It’s not Lucky’s plan, it’s our plan. Anyway, time to leave.

“Are you feeling alright?”

Oh yeah, hospitals have nurses. This one’s a white mare with blue eyes.

She’s wearing the typical attire for a nurse, a hat with a red cross and four little pink hearts on it. Her cutie mark is also that exact same motif. The Red Cross organization must not exist in this world otherwise she’d get herself into trouble just for having that motif.

Well, that’s looking at it with the knowledge that this world is a little girl’s show. Maybe the rules here are different from the actual show.

“Yeah, that was just a manic episode. I’m fine now.”

She smiled at me. “That’s great! You can leave, we won’t hold you here any longer.”

Yeah, I’m just about done with hospitals in general. I have a few bad memories about these places and frankly, I’d like to leave before they resurface. I can just feel it like a bad omen, a reminder that will break my spirit, at least for a while.
Hospitals really are that good at making me feel nervous, huh? It’s not even like there’s a looming scent of death in the air or anything.

Anyway, I made my way down the hallway towards the reception. There, I got to see the bright sunlight peering into the glass door, welcoming me with open arms. I was ready to go back outside and face the great humiliation that I rightfully earned when I lost my marbles.

It’s the price I gotta pay for going into crackpot conspiracy theory territories.

But right as I stepped outside, I saw a pegasus approach the hospital. On the slope below me, I noticed an old friend coming to check on me. Only, I could see fury in his eyes. Lucky Clover came for me, and he wasn’t happy in the slightest with my pitiful meltdown.

His wings were shaking with anger, his eyes were seeing red, and his frown was noticeably bigger than any he’d ever mustered before. This time, I truly pissed him off. Just by looking at him, I began to fear that I went too far, that this was the last goddamn straw for him.

If he chooses to abandon me, how could I blame him? I wasn’t ready for this, I never asked for this and all this time I was nothing but a burden to him. It must be so frustrating to be forced to work with a clueless idiot. I know, for I was in his place so long ago. Now, I’m the exact person I detested, the one who jinxes it at every turn.

I-I gotta say something. Can’t just stare anymore. “Lucky, I-”

“You better have an explanation for this. I’ll give you 60 seconds to give me 50 reasons not to give up on you.” Lucky Clover hissed, sprouting his wings in a fit of rage. His front hoof was stomping against the ground. Most of his anger was redirected to that hoof, to keep the rest of the body relatively calm.

But I could tell it wasn’t going to stay contained for very long.

So... I must admit something. I can usually tell when I’m in the wrong and admit it to myself easily. But there’s a little catch. It’s when I have to say it out loud to somebody else that I just sorta... struggle. It’s weird, I know. I can say “That was stupid of you, Daniel” no problem but to say “I know I messed up, it’s my fault” to a person, that’s difficult.

I hate it even more when I know I’m in the wrong and someone has to ham-fist it into me. I’m not an idiot, I’m not a child anymore, and I can recognize my mistakes. Still, I must keep that annoyance in me while I deal with this troublesome situation.

So, here goes nothing.

“I’m sorry about that. I, uh, I’m stressed and on the edge all the time. I’m starting to question whether everything I see is real or not and that just got to me. I didn’t mean to cause a scene, all I know is that I’m not as confident or strong as you and I’m sorry if I seem like a burden.”

Lucky Clover stood still, fury still in his eyes. The only relief I had was that he didn’t burst into flames or anything, he actually took the time to listen to me! “You ARE a burden; from the start, I've been the only one doing anything. Honestly, I don’t know if I should even stay around you anymore, you’re too volatile. But still, I can’t let them capture you so believe me, there’ll be trouble home, but not here.” He stomped towards me.

My words haven’t been enough to calm things down and now I was worrying that this would evolve into a fist fight. I’m not ready for a fight, but he sure seems like he is. Fighting with this quadrupedal body is going to be tough and I don’t believe I’ll be able to win against Lucky.

“Woah now, let’s slow down for a minute. I’m not trying to start a fight.”

The white pegasus scoffed. “Oh, so now you’re accusing me of being a violent imbecile? You know damn well that starting a fight is a death sentence for us, I’m not stupid enough to do that. You, on the other hoof, sure seem so.” With one mighty hoof, he pushed me around mockingly. Out of the two, he was the bigger pony with the more impressive wings while I was still pretty scrawny. I guess some things don’t change even after passing through worlds and transforming into a magical creature.

“Oh please, I haven’t done anything remotely stupid. I’m just a guy under a lot of pressure and all of the less-than-smart things I’ve done were born out of ignorance more than anything. If I just knew about all that, I wouldn’t have done them.” I responded, straightening my back and trying to appear bigger and more assertive which even then were overshadowed by mister English soldiers.

“Ignorance? You’re talking to me, and I’ve barely been outside! I’ve stayed home for most of my life and even then; I handled the situation better than you ever did. I actually did my research before acting while you didn’t, this is not a problem you can blame entirely on ignorance. You ARE the problem, Hack.” Lucky hissed, pointing an accusing hoof at me.

At this point, he was really getting on my damn nerves. Belittling me, acting as if we never had a thing going on, I wasn’t going to let him treat me like I had been useless all along! I swiped his hoof away and struck back. “How can I be the problem? I can already tell even without knowing much about you that we are not cut from the same cloth. You have more experience with stressful situations while I haven’t. I’m at a natural disadvantage and I’d like for you to stick your head out of your ass and stop placing me on the same level as you!”

Lucky Clover laughed. “Oh really now? What the hay have you been doing all this time with your life? I don’t know but I can already tell that it wasn’t much or anything of note. I’ve been providing for my little brother for years, ventured out from time to time, you know just enough to understand what it’s like to be out there.”

Okay, now that did it. He really stuck on my fucking nerves. “I’ve been providing for MYSELF! I didn’t waste all that time away on useless stuff. I have my priorities, even if they weren’t the best.”

“You’re a liar!” Lucky shouted. “If you really were providing for yourself, then you would have handled this entire situation differently. You talk and act like a sheltered brat who received everything on a silver plate from mommy and daddy!”

“Oh, that’s real nice. You know who really is the sheltered brat here? Your little brother!”

...

Oh my, that wasn’t a good idea. I’m already regretting it not even one second after I said that. Lucky Clover seemed really hurt, not even angry just... hurt. It’s like I said something that he didn’t want to hear despite knowing it’s true. I felt awful, really, but I couldn’t apologize to him in time. He took off the moment I was about to take these words back.

I couldn’t even go after him, he’s too good of a flyer and I’m just a novice. In just seconds, he was gone, and I was alone in front of the hospital.

The only good thing about that shitshow was that nobody was around to see this. The worst of us is on full display.

“Hack?”

“AAaIEou?!” T-Twilight? And Rarity too? What the hell are they doing here? Oh crap, did they hear everything?

Okay, they definitely heard everything, I can see it on their faces. They’re cringing, struggling to say what was on their mind. They heard our shouting match and petty insults. Shit, now I have to deal with them. Argh! I already have enough tasks to complete for the day, and one of them is going to be emotionally exhausting!

“Yes? What is it?” I said, feigning ignorance.

Rarity cringed, most likely trying to find a delicate way to put it. “Well, we don’t mean to sound rude, darling, but we did hear quite a bit. It was concerning, to say the least.”

Concerning indeed. He’s got troubles, and I got ‘em too. None of us can really take the moral high ground here. I hope he’ll forgive me, even if some of what I said was true.

“That’s none of your business in any case. It’s between Lucky Clover and me, so if you have nothing else to say... I’ll be on my way to fix this mistake.” I took a step forward, but Twilight spoke again before I could leave.

“That’s good! I sincerely hope you can make amends. I’d feel guilty if I broke a friendship, even if it was accidental. And if things don’t turn out as well as you have hoped, you can always seek us for help.”

That’s nice, but I believe I can solve my little “friendship problems” by myself. You two have no idea what we’re even doing.

“Oh, and one more thing.” Rarity suddenly exclaimed, halting my advance. “I’m not one to pride on gossip, but I have taken a bit of an interest in you two recently. I mean, how could I not? You’re the talk of the town. It’s just that I’ve discovered you two went to the Everfree forest with Lyra and Bon Bon. Would it bother you to tell me what you were looking for? I know the place is oh so dreadful so I wondered why four ponies would even go in there without embarking on a mission to save all Equestria.”

Gee, I thought she’d stop at like four different points. Still, I supposed I should have seen this coming. Our actions aren’t really done in utmost secrecy after all. Hmm, but it’d be bothersome to act without Lucky’s...

Ah, to hell with him! I can make a decision without him, even if it’s an important one like that. I’m no idiot and I’ll prove to him that I can be independent!

“We only went there to dig up some old books. Lyra and Bon Bon tagged along for that same reason.” The best lies are those that are mixed with the truth, only some important details are left out.

“Oh, ancient books?”

Damn, I just realized that Twilight is all about books and knowledge. I’m going to be harassed for quite a while now that I mentioned the books. At least, she’s not as dangerous as some of her more abrasive friends.

“Yeah, remember when I borrowed a book about magic? Well, I was just curious about the old kind of magic, so I wanted to go to that old castle.”

Rarity smiled, clearly getting some ideas about that old place. “Now that I think about it, there are some valuable artifacts in there. Have you seen anything of interest, more on the fashion side of things, darling?”

“Uh, no.” I mean I’m a man so... OK let me rephrase that, I’m a man on a mission, I don’t really have time to look at all the finer details. Unless fashion could somehow get me home in which case I’ll learn all about it, my masculinity be damned.
The white unicorn seemed somewhat disappointed. “Oh well. I suppose I’ll look into it sometime.” She shivered. “Then again, old castles aren’t really my style.”

Twilight Sparkle rolled her eyes. “If you’re that interested, go look into it today, or sometime this week. If you postpone it, you’ll never get it done.”

Rarity frowned. “Eh... Maybe I won’t. I’m so busy with my recent contract-”

“Then why even mention it in the first place?” Twilight asked rapidly.

I wanted to go back to Lucky’s place, but I was getting invested in this conversation. He could use some time alone, that’ll make my apology work better if he had time to think. That’s how it works, I believe. Well, I only have my personal experiences to work with, I’m no psychologist, after all, just a writer. A hack writer if you’re that cheesy.

“I can tell you about my interests, darling. I don’t have to keep it all to myself.” Rarity said, mildly outraged.

“That’s not the problem!” Twilight faced her friend, annoyed. “The problem here is that you’ve gotten us off-topic. Fashion isn’t relevant to this discussion.”

Rarity gave her the cold shoulder, visibly hurt. “Ah, so books are more worthy of discussion than fashion. Hmph! Why should they be placed on a pedestal and not my craft?”

“Because Hack talked about books, Rarity!”

And now, should I insert a “Friendship is not Magic” joke? Anyhow, I don’t think I should stay here any longer. This is starting to feel a little personal. I suppose they won’t mind if I dip, go see Lucky Clover, and fix this messy situation.

Hey, I’m really getting the hang of this! Flying is easy. It’s like learning how to walk; hard at first but then it becomes natural. Being an adult and not a child, I suppose it sped up the process like how I quickly learned how to walk in this new body. I must admit I’ll miss the ability to fly once I’m back home as a human, but at the same time, man do I miss my hands. Having no fingers is not a mild annoyance, it is constant. Being on all four, unable to feel them is just wrong.

It makes me feel a bit sick to be in this body. It was worse in the beginning when I thought I was still human underneath, but since then it’s a minor inconvenience. Just a little reminder that I’m not like them.

Okay, so... Lucky Clover’s house. I’m not very prepared to deal with him just yet but I know I must try before the damage gets worse. I knocked and awaited a response. My body was starting to sweat, and my legs were now moving on their own, swinging me around, unable to stay still for even a second. That awful feeling was bringing back memories, not good ones and certainly not at the right time.

I could see myself again in front of a class full of children. I was small, and like them, I was a student. Just a sad little boy who hated the idea of being center stage. I’m forced into the spotlight, all eyes on me. Two different fears met, the fear of judgement and the fear of failure.

Ah, oral presentations. One thing I sure won’t miss from these old days. Some kids were tougher and hid their anxiety better, others were nervous mess about to crumble under any sign of failure. These kinds of evaluations were essentially all about memorizing your text and spewing it out loud to a class that was too preoccupied with their own presentations to even care about what you just said.

Like I said, not a very good time. Some kids loved field trips, others loved DIY workshops, but you’d be hard-pressed to find anyone who would openly claim to love oral presentations. Stuff of a nightmare, I cannot picture myself as a teacher. That fear would crush me within a week.

God damn, I still remember that disheartening moment in my life. It was an evaluation structured like a debate. An argument would be presented, and we had a week to formulate our side of the argument. I vividly remembered what mine was about. It went something along the lines of; should we pay our children for chores done at home? I was chosen to be in favor of that argument.

My good old dad helped me see lots of ways in which that could be beneficial to the child in question. Stuff like “it’ll make them understand the value of money, get them to work hard to achieve something”, yatti yatta.

So, then came the day of the presentation. I told my entire argument in what took like two minutes or so. And then, the other kid’s argument, the little shithead just said “What about the cost of water, electricity, taxes, etc?”

The entire class decided that his argument was better. It only took him fifteen seconds to say all that. Ugh, why even bother, am I right?

...

How long have I been standing here? It feels like Lucky should have answered the door minutes ago. I knocked again and... still nothing. At this point, I was getting fed up with this. I pulled on the doorknob and unsurprisingly failed to open it. Gazing through the window, I saw a note left on a table close to me. It simply mentioned going through the window on the second floor.

Flying up there, I noticed it was indeed left partially open, just barely so that none may see it unless they deliberately wanted to come in. Smart Lucky. Though that probably means he’s not home which is why he’s not answering the door.
Doing as the note said, I entered my friend’s home to find the place empty as expected. Down in the kitchen, there was an interesting item left on the table for me to find; the very book Lucky took from the castle. Next to it was a small note that said, “went back to the castle”.

Looks like he didn’t find what he wanted from this one. Or maybe he simply didn’t want to see me. Oh well, guess I’ll read it in the meantime.

Flipping through its thousand pages, I found a section that was interesting, to say the least. Starswirl the Bearded, the famous unicorn that I know nothing about. There was even a mention of a human counterpart to him, much like what Lyra mentioned with Flash Magnus. Maybe Lucky Clover overlooked an important detail in there?

Okay so... apparently, Starswirl the Bearded banished three sirens to another dimension filled with, and I quote, “hairless monkeys”. Suppose there are no humans in this world, which would make sense considering their mythical status.

Oh, oh! There it is! The book tells me that the old unicorn had a strange encounter with a copy of himself in that other dimension. Fascinating. His clone is described as being as old as he was, dressed in a blackish-grey robe and with a magician’s hat. Sometimes, he even dawned a dark cowl to hide his identity as he wandered these mysterious lands of humans.

Hmm, that feels kinda familiar. Oh well, Starswirl discovered that these humans had no magic whatsoever, not even something that increased their strength or speed. They were all magicless beings... with one exception of course, that being himself.

The human Starswirl was a magician, a real one, unlike the fairy tales we usually tell each other. In that realm, he intercepted the sirens and locked their power in necklaces to keep them in check. From what the unicorn described that human was about as powerful as he was.

Starswirl the Bearded got a sketch of his human self that he kindly placed in this book. With that, I finally had a face for the name. Gotta say he looks exactly like your typical wizard, like Merlin the Wizard.

So, I guess he’s this world’s version of Merlin, huh? This place seems to have a lot of fantasy creatures in it, makes sense that the typical wizard finds its place somewhere.

The next entries didn’t really contain anything important to my situation, so I skimmed over them until I found something of note. Apparently, the human Starswirl just vanished one day. The unicorn searched everywhere for him. Even his followers didn’t know where he went.

This marked the end of Starswirl’s legend in the pastel-colored human world. The old unicorn returned to Equestria and that’s that.

Hmm, now that I’m thinking about it...

There’s one person that I fully remember from my time on Earth, one whose face has not left my mind.

Curious, I looked back at the sketch, especially at the face of that human wizard. He really did look familiar to me.

Could it be... The merchant somehow sent me to this world through a one-way ticket, was Starswirl the Bearded?

Okay, theory time. The wizard disappeared from his world and was never seen again. What’s to say he didn’t jump through time and space to land on Earth in the present time? He was here for a while, which would explain the Resident Evil getup. He could have applied some make-up to hide his true skin color, to look more like us.

And since he’s a confirmed magic user, he did in fact send me here in a pony body. Now, all I gotta find out is why he sent me out here. Did he need me to do something? Hgn, hardly. I haven’t received any special directions or objectives to do in Equestria. I’m just operating based on my wants.

Maybe he didn’t specifically need me. Maybe all he needed was a human willing to deal with him, to be sent here. Why? Why did he want to send a human to Equestria?

Since he’s far from home, and the unicorn Starswirl found a way to reach this human world, then I’m guessing the human Starswirl wants to go here.

So why isn’t he here? Does he not know where Equestria is located so he’s tossing people in all sorts of worlds until he can pinpoint his own? Bloody hell, that would make a lot of sense. Why else would he hang out on a planet he doesn’t belong to?

Also, if my theory is correct, how is he going to know that I was sent to the correct place?

You know what? Fuck this. I’m probably getting worked up over nothing. It’s all speculation and conspiracy theories. For all I know the merchant could have been someone or something else entirely. I’ll forfeit and go back to my original goal; that being to find Lucky Clover and make amends.

Still, these books are starting to worry me. We humans have no idea that any of this truly exists while we know about all sorts of worlds. For all I know, we could be at the very mercy of a future invading species from outer space. In the end, the answer to the question of “Are we alone in space?” is a resounding NO, and that’s terrifying. I was honestly good with the knowledge that we wouldn’t run into anything whatsoever in space during my whole life. Now, that safety net is ruined forever.

Enough rant, I’m going over to Lucky Clover before I blow another fuse, and cause another ruckus in town. At this point, I know I’m way too volatile for my own good, so I’ll do whatever I can to avoid a meltdown.

And that’s by keeping my mind off stressful things. Flying does a lot of good to me. It’s so refreshing to soar through the skies and observe the world below me as I head towards the dark and gloomy Everfree forest.

Peace and serenity, something that does not apply to the big cities. I grew up in a rural area, more in touch with nature than the gloomy metropolis of Earth. I honestly hate large crowds, and places with too many people, it just leads to an alienating feeling, you know? To have so many people before you means you get fewer opportunities to get close to some of them.
My hometown was small, everybody knew each other. It’s a wonderful place, something that is very close in vibe to Ponyville. It’s honestly wonderful to be reminded of home, with the added bonus of flying.

Alright, back at the old castle. Let’s settle this conflict and get back on track.

I searched low and high, high and low until I found Lucky Clover in one of the upper towers, lost in his reading.

“Lucky Clover, I assume you still haven’t found something useful.”

My friend grumbled, raising his eyes from the book he was reading to gaze briefly at me. “There’s nothing but bitter hatred and contempt in these books. I’m afraid we only have crumbs to use as guidance.”

Silence. We both knew what needed to be said. Yet, we said nothing. Instead, we looked, unwilling to be the first to open up. We couldn’t get back to work without addressing the elephant in the room, but the wound was still too fresh to pry open.
“Well, uh, I-I see. I’ll look into the other books you’ve gathered then if that’s okay with you.” I said as I awkwardly stumbled to him, keeping a certain distance.

“Pick whatever you want, it’ll take me too much time to look into them by myself.” Lucky muttered as he returned to his occupation.

Now two meters apart, I searched within this old book about old Equestrian magic, not really knowing what I was supposed to find anymore. This entire adventure was taking its toll on us, I could feel it. The stress it caused probably took a few years away from us. More stress and I would have white hair at an early age.

“Do you think your little brother’s okay? I mean, maybe he could have learned to provide for himself while you were gone.”
Lucky sighed. “Maybe you’re right. I’m probably worrying too much. He’s a smart one... Who knows? He’ll probably find his true potential now that I’m away. I know I can’t babysit him all the time, but I guess this will be a learning experience for him too. Yeah, it’s actually a good thing that I’m not home.”

Yeah... I guess. I won’t say anything to that, but I can safely say his animosity has left. Maybe now’s the time to say something about it.

I was about to say it, but Lucky beat me to the punch. “Hey, just wanted to let you know that I... well, shouldn’t have said any of that. I didn’t mean it, I was just stressed out so, forget everything I said back there.”

I nodded solemnly. “I’m taking my words back too. We’re under a lot of pressure, I know, I’m sorry I’m always causing us trouble.”

Lucky Clover frowned, looking defeated. “There is one thing you said that was right, sort of. It is true that my little brother is sheltered and, that’s not good. You’ve simply said what I was thinking all this time. I’ll do something about it once we’re home. I’ll make a warrior out of him. That way, he’ll get to do whatever he wants without me.”

“That’s nice. You know, after all this is done and behind us, we should hang out.” That was something I had on my mind for a while now. He’s my friend now, after all, I sure won’t let this friendship fade away once we get back home, even if we live in two different cities.

“It would be nice. I could really use somepony I can confess to. It just feels good to talk like that without any shame, you know? With you, I feel like I can tell you everything. Probably because you’re a good listener.” Lucky Clover responded.
“That’s funny, people always told me that. I mean, I’m not the type to start a conversation so I mostly end up listening to what others have to say.”

My transformed friend smiled. “You have no idea how much that helps. Talking to somepony helps a lot more than doing some introspection. We should definitely continue our talks at home.”

“Yeah, I’ll miss being so cloak and dagger though. Guess this will be my only shot at being a secret agent of sorts.”

Lucky Clover now had his eyes on me instead of the book. “Maybe that won’t be it. We could always go on another mission eventually, that is if we join the queen’s soldiers.”

I laughed at that proposition. “Oh come on, you know I’m not cut out for that! You’re the expert in infiltration. I’m just a rookie and even if I’m being generous, I won’t be a good soldier. I’d be rather mediocre.”

Smirking, Lucky stood up. “You’ll never truly know if you don’t try. Might be worth it to give this idea a shot.”

Yeah, this idea intimidates me. I’m not a good brawler nor am I a good agent. I’ll practically have to develop these skills from scratch. I don’t have any natural talent to help me out here. But if he’s really serious about joining the queen’s soldiers, eh, I might join him. “If you go, then I’ll consider it. Don’t count on me to go there alone, the humiliation will discourage me in mere days.”

“It’s humiliating for all of us at the beginning. It’s also a tough endeavor, but with time, it’ll get easier. Anyway, I’m getting hungry. If you want to come get a snack with me, feel free to join me. I could always use some company.” Lucky sprouted his wings trotting towards the broken window near us.

I wasn’t really hungry, but I was also tired of being alone after all that happened. So, might as well roll with it. “Sure thing, where are we eating?”

Lucky smiled. “You should be asking with whom? Lyra and Bon Bon would be good picks. We just need to find a nice restaurant and then we’ll satiate our hunger, but reasonably so.”

During our quick flight back to Ponyville, I just remembered about the merchant and thought I should tell it to my friend. After all, he was the reason why I’m now here and probably the reason why he was here, so I asked him if he also remembered encountering this mysterious merchant who I suspect is Starswirl the Bearded A.K.A a massive jackass.

Surprisingly, he gave a weird answer. “No, I don’t think I’ve ever met a mysterious merchant like you described. But now that you’ve told me, I can see why you’re not used to this world. I had to get there physically, but not you. Of course, I don’t know the way back home which is my biggest regret so really, all the blame here is on me.”

I was starting to cringe at his self-deprecating attitude. The poor guy wasn’t feeling as well as he showed. “Don’t guilt trip yourself, please. Wallowing in pity like that isn’t going to help.”

“I know, it’s just that I can’t simply brush these frustrations away. I can’t stop thinking about it when I’m alone. It makes me feel like we will be lost forever.” Lucky blinked for a while, remaining silent before chuckling. “I’m being overdramatic. We have wings, we’ll find our home eventually, even if it’ll take years. I suppose the only stake here is to go back home as soon as possible.”

“Aye. I guess I should improve my flying skills just in case it comes to that.” I said. Strangely, a part of me kinda wants it to come to that. I mean, flying is awesome and all; I’m not ready to give it up forever just yet. If we find a way home, I think I’ll just fly around for an hour before I jump through whatever portal will help me reverse the merchant’s spell.

“Smart thinking. There’s nothing faster in this world than a good flyer. We know a pegasus in Ponyville who can fly around at light speed although a bit abrasive and with a constant need for attention.” Oh boy, I could just feel the bitterness in his tone there. He really doesn’t like these six ponies, especially Rainbow Dash.

Frankly, I don’t harbor any hatred or dislike for them. I know they’re on the opposite side and all, but I understand where they’re coming from. Nobody likes a spy, especially when they’re infiltrating their society. I hope we can somehow tell them the truth without being considered enemies, that’ll be nice to finally remove the biggest danger to us with simple words.

I’m no diplomat or anything, but I know I have a rather nice vocabulary. I’m sure I can manage to convince them... if I feel ready to do it that is. The mere thought of doing that stresses me out, so I’ll cross that idea out for now.

“Well, there’s the restaurant. I take it I’m the one who’s going to convince Lyra and Bon Bon to join us for dinner.” I exclaimed upon noticing the very same restaurant that I previously had a meltdown at. The idea of returning there didn’t thrill me, but I also couldn’t exile myself from Ponyville out of embarrassment. I have to confront the humiliation and save face.

So, going against my fears, I went to find Lyra and Bon Bon at their home. It was easy as expected, Lyra took no convincing at all and her girlfriend joined us to “protect” her. Now, I’m not used to going to eat at a restaurant with a group of people, or ponies for that matter, so this dinner promised something to spice up our mission.

But now that we were all seated, I could feel it in the air. There was some tension, and I had a funny feeling it was because of me. Oh, I could see it in the waiter’s eyes, confusion and uncertainty. Better act like nothing happened.

“So, have you two done something today?” Lyra asked to break the ice.

“Went back to the old castle. Found some interesting stuff you might like.” Lucky said much to my surprise. He was actually responding to her instead of leaving the “Lyra business” to me. Maybe he’ll finally stop being so on edge all the time and learn to have fun while we can. It’s not every day we get to be ponies in a not-so-fictional anymore world. It was strange at first, I must admit, but I don’t care now. It’s a fun if not weird experience and one that’ll stick with me to the end, better cherish it for that.

“More literature about humans?” Lyra inched closer to the stallion; eyes filled with excitement. “Please tell me there is more.”

Lucky chuckled. “There’s more.”

“Yes...”

“I uncovered more information regarding Starswirl’s trip to this odd dominion. One in which he recounts his meeting with his human self. That was a strange read.”

Bon Bon scoffed. “Must be weird to see a different kind of you. Makes you wonder if you have a doppelgänger in this other world right now.”

“It’s entirely possible... if we can find physical proof that this world still exists. Remember, the last accounts we have are from a thousand years ago. Things have changed a lot since then.”

Lyra wasn’t going to back down, even in the face of uncertainty and speculation. “The last known portal disappeared alongside the Crystal Empire a thousand years ago. If we can somehow bring back the Empire, we can unlock the portal and see for ourselves.”

Bon Bon rolled her eyes. “If it’s been gone for a thousand years, what’s to say it will come back in our lifetime? Maybe it simply never will.”

“A mare can dream, Bonny. A mare can dream.”

Okay, time to take a chance and ask them. “I’m not well versed in the history of that empire; can I know what happened to it? Like, how is it just gone?”

Lyra turned her attention to me, looking happy to share some of her knowledge with me again. “Well, basically, their king, Sombra, was defeated by both Princess Celestia and Princess Luna but before he was a goner, he cast a spell that made the Crystal Empire disappear. It’s been gone since then and the two sister’s efforts to bring it back were fruitless.”

I saw Bon Bon raise her eyebrow a couple of times in a mocking gesture. Clearly, she didn’t believe that this empire would ever return. But just because it has a portal to the human world, I’ll side with Lyra and be a believer.

“That sucks, hope it can come back one day. I mean, what happened to all the ponies in there? That’s pretty concerning.”
Lyra rubbed her chin, pondering over my question. “That’s... a good question. Most ponies prefer not to think about it because... well, let’s be honest this entire situation is kind of disturbing, but it is worrying to imagine what would happen if they ever reappeared somehow. I mean, they’ve jumped through entire eras because of one mad unicorn.”

Dictators also exist in this world. How fantastic, let’s hope I won’t encounter one during my stay. Right now, this all feels like a fever dream of a vacation, and I’d like for it to stay that way. And hey Bon Bon, looks like your world isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, just like us. Let’s hear you retract those statements.

Lucky Clover cringed. “Such an awful ruler. Good rulers don’t need to impose their rule on others, they govern because others recognize their strength and wisdom.”

Lyra nodded. “And kindness too, don’t forget that! A good ruler needs to be understanding of their subject’s situations and feelings.”

I swear to God if this gets political. Our orders came soon after before the conversation could get into places I wish not to discuss. I was surprised to see that Lucky ordered something relatively light, taking bites in tandem with Bon Bon especially. He eyeballed me once he noticed that I wasn’t eating my food, pointing with his gaze at Lyra.

Uh, fuck. What am I supposed to get out of that? Is he seriously asking me to flirt with her? Nah, can’t be, I’m overthinking it again.

Still, just out of curiosity, I ate in tandem with Lyra to see how he’d react. Surprisingly, he looked happier. Guess I’m doing something right. Eh... I’m not getting it. Guess it’s another thing to add to the list of “weird stuff Lucky Clover does”. Such an enigmatic character.

Minutes later, we were done. Our plates were devoured without mercy and after that, Bon Bon claimed she was feeling a bit tired and wanted some rest. I can relate, my belly was full, and I too wanted to find a nice place to lay down and digest. So, we parted ways. The mares heading back home whilst the stallions returned to the castle.

We’ve got business there. A way home to find and theories to craft. Most important for me; I gotta figure out what’s the merchant’s deal. That bastard is not going to get away scot-free.

Author's Note

Gee, sure took a while to get that one done. I apologise for the long wait, I'm just going through a little low with my writing. I'll bounce back up eventually. For now, I've got some stuff to do. Be seein' ya.