Chapters Spike was enjoying one of his favorite activities; Cooking. Ever since he had moved to Ponyville with Twilight, the responsibility of food sorta fell on him. If left to her own devices, Twilight would probably die of starvation before she even realized she was hungry. Spike didn’t mind, however. Cooking allowed him to be creative and try different things. Twilight didn't have a refined palate, so it allowed Spike to try different recipes and really hone his craft. He still remembers the joy in Twilight’s voice when she tried his nachos for the first time. It was her favorite dish for a while after that. For today, he was gonna try a Stuffed Peppers recipe. It caught his eye when looking through the cookbook he got for Hearth’s Warming Eve, the only book he got from Twilight that he really loved. The recipe looked super tasty and consisted of stuffing big bell peppers with herbs and spices. Plus, it gave him the excuse to eat as many peppers as he wanted while making the dish.
“Whoops, looks like I ate another one. Good thing I bought so many.” Spike shrugged. He dug a claw into the bag of peppers and began munching on another one like it was an apple. It was fine though, since he had just finished stuffing two peppers for him and Twilight, it meant he could eat as many of the leftovers as he wanted. He’d already eaten five peppers already. He took a glance at his open cookbook to see the next step. “Let’s see…Looks like the last step is to put these babies on heat. Good thing I’m a dragon.”
Spike smiled with confidence before inhaling to breath out a steady flame. However, when he went to breathe it out the only thing that was produced was air. “Huh? That's not…”
*GGGGGGGgggggggrrrrrllllle*
Spike’s tummy started rumbling loudly. He started to get that ache he only got when he was about to belch out a letter. His cheeks puffed out ready for the inevitable, and he turned around so as not to burp all over the food. He reeled his head and lurched forward.
*BBBEEEELLLLCCCCHHHHH*
Spike released a mighty belch, but surprisingly, it wasn’ accompanied by a flame. The dragon was starting to get worried. He hoped he didn't lose his fire again, like at the Equestria Games. But, before Spike could think on it anymore, his tummy spoke up more aggressively.
*GGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRLLLLLLLLEEEEEE*
“What’s going on?”Spike wrapped his arms around his tummy and began rubbing it in a desperate attempt to soothe the pressure that was building. If belching didn't work, then he was at a loss for how to get rid of the pressure. It was becoming unbearable. “If only I could…just!” On instinct, Spike hiked his leg up and flagged his tail.
*BBBBBBBBBBBBBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSHHHHHHH*
All of the pressure in Spike’s tummy was released in an incredible dragon toot that shot out of his flank. This wasn’t an ordinary toot either, as it carried a mighty green flame and sounded like an explosion. The Fire blast was massive too, so huge, Spike was lucky that his gassy flames were magic and couldn’t catch much on fire. However, Spike was too focused on his immense relief from having let out such a ripper. It felt amazing to finally get rid of his tummy ache after being in so much pain. He couldn’t help but moan until he looked over his shoulder and saw smoke coming from the stove. His eyes widened in shock and he spun around, having completely forgotten that he was cooking until that very moment. Surprisingly, the Stuffed Peppers he’d been trying to heat up were now roasted to perfection. They looked amazing, but surely he couldn't feed this to Twilight, could he? Spike looked in the bag of peppers in the hope of starting over, but the bag was now empty.
“Curse my constant snacking” Spike muttered to himself. It was already too late in the day to go back to the market. He had no choice, this was going to be dinner. “T-Twilight! Food’s ready!” Spike transferred the Stuffed Peppers to one plate each before he walked over to the dining room table in the middle of the library. Twilight was just walking in as Spike set down a plate at her preferred sitting place.
“Ooooh! Stuffed Peppers? That’s adventurous, eh?” Twilight said. As soon as Spike mentioned food, she realized how hungry she was. She took a deep whiff of the meal. “Mmmm, Smells great too.”
“Uhh, yeah. Hope you like it.” Spike said nervously. He was worried about how things would taste.
Twilight moved her snout down and began scarfing down the pepper. She had zero situational awareness, which Spike usually admired, but he was more concerned with her eating something that he’d farted on. Within seconds, Twilight had eaten the whole thing, and she even licked around her mouth to taste the herbs that were smeared there.
“Wow, Spike! That was delicious! You have outdone yourself.” Twilight said gleefully. Then her cheeks puffed out a little, before she opened her mouth.
*BURP*
“Oh, Excuse me.” Twilight said, before covering her mouth.
“I’ll be sure to say that next time.” Spike said under his breath.
“What was that, Spike?” Twilight asked.
“Nothing. Glad you enjoyed the Stuffed Peppers.” Spike said.
“My compliments to the chef.” Twilight said. She then said one more thing that caught Spike’s attention as she left the table. “Using eggs was a nice touch.”
“Eggs?” Spike asked. He didn't remember the recipe calling for eggs. He sat down and stared at his own pepper, before using a claw to scoop up some of the herbs and placing them tentatively in his mouth. He rolled it around on his tongue for a bit and he could definitely taste a hint of eggs. His eyes then widened as he realized what that taste was, and he ended up spitting out the food. Never in his life did Spike ever think he’d taste his own fart.
"Isn't this great, Spike?" Twilight said after finishing her latest read of another book. "To be able to really while the Cutie Map is quiet."
However, the only answer was silence.
"Spike?" Twilight looked over at where her scaley #1 assistant usually sat when he was reading. All she found was the intention of his body. Not even his comic book remained on the ground. "Hmm, I wonder where he ran off too.
*PPPPPPPRRRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTT*
Twilight snapped her head toward the hall as what sounded like the release of air echoed throughout the Castle of Friendship. It was a sound she wasn't used to hearing, so being the scientist she was, Twilight trotted into the hall to investigate.
"Spike is that you?" Twilight called out as she ventured into the unknown. She suddenly became aware of how big and scary the Castle was, especially with how the sound of rushing air whooshed through the halls.
*BBBBBBBBRRRRPPPPPPPRRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTT*
*PPPRRT*
*FFFFFFFFRRRRRRTTTT*
"Um...Spike?" Twilight asked tentatively. However, there was a more concerning sound that permeated the air.
*GGGRRRR*
*OOOHHH!"
*MMMPPPHHH!*
Suddenly, the worst fear flashed in Twilight's mind. *"Those sounds! That's Spike's voice! What if his Dragon Greed took over as I was reading? Oh no! I better find him quickly!"*
Twilight sprinted in a full-on gallop as the sounds drew her closer to where the drake was. His voice seemed to be behind a single door that Twilight stopped to examine.
"Spike! Spike! Are you in there?!" Twilight screamed as she slammed her hoof into the door repeatedly. She even tried to open it with her magic, but it was no use. The door was locked.
"Ohhh! Twilight? Ooooh it hurts!" Spike moaned. He was clearly in pain.
"Don't worry, Spike! I'm here!" Twilight reassured. "Just try to hold in a little while longer!"
"Mmph! Wait! I just...need to..." Spike struggled to say.
"Hang on, Spike! Let me just-" Twilight's sentence was cutoff by a rather unexpected and unpleasant noise.
"BBBBBBBBBRRRRRRRRRRRRRFFFFFFFFFFFRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTT*
*PLOP*
"Aaaaaaaahhhhh! That's sp much better!" Spike said, sounding way more relieved than he did before.
Twilight was confused by the sounds as well as Spike's reaction until she became aware of the terrible odor that was pouring out from the cracks in the door. The alicorn smelled the unmistakable scent of Sulphur and Brimstone, along with the sting of burnt eggs. She had been around Spike since he was a hatchling, so she knew Dragon Dung when she smelled it.
"Oh!...Sweets Celestia!" Twilight asked through a coughing fit. It had been awhile since she had been this close to one of Spike's legendary bowel movements. Her reaction must've been loud because Spike responded to it.
"Phew! Sorry you were in the line of fire, Twi." Spike said. He sounded more like himself now. "I've been trying to drop that Dragon Deuce for hours."
"Spike!" Twilight said, her voice sounding stuffed because she was covering her snout with a hoof. "I was worried about you! I thought your comic book collection triggered your Greed!"
"Greed? C'mon Twilight. You and I both know I do my best reading on this baby." Spike said before knocking on the porcelain throne with a claw.
*KNOCK*
*KNOCK*
"Well, are you done in there, at least?" Twilight asked.
"Hang on, I'm just getting to the climax of this issue!" Spike said. Twilight could hear him frantically turning a page in his comic book.
"But Spike, I..." Twilight then came up with an idea to get the drake moving. "That's fine. I was just thinking you'd want to join my meet-up with Rarity at her Boutique."
"R-Rarity!" Spike stuttered. The next sound caused Twilight to roll her eyes.
*FLUUUUUSSSSSSHHH*
"Then what are we waiting for?" Spike said after emerging from the restroom. Twilight couldn't help but giggle even though a more potent aroma from Spike's discharge bellowed into the hall. It was so bad even Spike noticed it.
"Oh uh...if you were planning on using that before we go...I'd let it air out first." Spike suggested.
"Hehe, I'll open the windows." Twilight responded.
“Uh…Ember? Why are we standing on top of this cliff?” Spike asked as he loved over the jagged Rocks to the rushing rapids far below.
“You're the one who said you wanted to help me dodge the Slingtails. Now I'm just gonna fly down there and you're gonna jump from here onto my back. Got it?” Ember explained.
“Can't I just climb onto your back?” Spike asked
“Yeah, right. Like I'd let a runt like you climb up on me.” Ember rolled her eyes before getting into a flight stance. “Now get ready. We need to catch up to the other dragons and get that Bloodstone Scepter for my father.”
With that, Ember dove off of the cliff before spreading her wings and began gliding around the cliff. Spike stood there mesmerized, since this is the first time he'd ever seen a female dragon take flight. It was surprisingly graceful. However, his awestruck gaze turned to one of fear As his eyes wandered to the dangerous waters before. He gulped nervously. He was so nervous that his tummy began to get agitated. However, he couldn't worry about that right Now. He needed to jump on Ember's back or else some unruly dragon would harm Ponyville. He could do this! He just needed to take a Leap of Faith…
Too bad he tripped over a pebble and ended up falling off of the cliff. The good news? Ember was able to catch the wingless dragon. The bad news? Spike ended up landing on her backwards, with his body facing the opposite direction of where Ember was heading. It was then that Spike realized how much of a bad idea this was. He wanted to turn around so That he was facing the right way, but he'd never flown a flying creature before. Sure, he rode Twilight sometimes, But what was before she got her wings, and even with her wings Spike never rode her while she was flying. He was too scared to move just in case he ended up falling into the dangerous waters below. Sure, he had strong scales, but there were giant serpents down there that would surely eat him. All this worrying made Spike's tummy gurgle louder than before, as he held onto Ember for dear life. Unfortunately, the ride didn't get much better as Spike saw a big boulder heading right for the 2 dragons.
“Ember, look out!” Spike screamed. Ember jerked hard to the side so she could avoid one boulder and then did a barrel roll to avoid another one.
Spike wasn't doing so hot with all this moment. His tummy was doing somersaults as it tried to catch up with the rest of his body. He felt like he was going to throw up for a second, until he swallowed it back down. However, that turned out to be a bad idea since his tummy sounded angrier than ever. Spike suddenly felt a twitch in his tail as his butt began vibrating. He knew what was about to happen, but tried to hold it in as he realized how close Ember's face was to the danger zone.
“E-Ember, can you land real quick?” Spike stammered out.
“What? Why?” Ember asked in confusion as she dodged another boulder.
“I just….I don't feel so good.” Spike admitted. He was too embarrassed to say what he was really feeling, but he wasn't entirely lying to his new dragon friend.
“Well, can you hold on until we get to the top? I still need you to help me avoid these boulders.” Ember said, trying to hide the concern in her voice.
“Uh…I don't know.” Spike said. His tummy was feeling worse and worse as they flew. He would normally cross his legs or rub his tummy to soothe the pressure, but that wasn't possible since he was still holding onto Ember.
Still, the female dragon did give Spike something to focus on other than the storm brewing in his tummy and he began calling out whenever a boulder was headed their way. This distraction worked for a little, but soon Spike's need became too difficult to ignore.
“Ugh! Are we almost there, Ember?” Spike asked through gritted teeth.
“Almost, just hold on a little longer.” Ember said. She could see the top of the mountain And tried to fly there as fast as she could.
“Ooooh, I can't!” Spike warned.
“Fine. Just don't throw up on me, okay?” Ember said. She figured that would give Spike the clearance he needed to do what he needed to.
“Ngh! That's not where it's gonna come out.” Spike said. He was at The point of no return.
“What?” Ember said as realization smacked her right in the face. She heard Spike grunt helplessly and felt his right leg flex. It was the only warning she got seconds before the inevitable happened.
*BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPRRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTT*
“Awww, Spike are you serious!?” Ember couldn't help but gag as she was hit with one of the longest and most powerful farts she's ever heard a dragon rip in her life.
How could this pint-sized, little drake who was raised by ponies possibly make a stink this big? Granted she was never usually this close to another dragon whoever they farted, so maybe this was normal for them. Her eyes Started watering from the fumes and she was more determined than ever to find a place to land. Luckily, she could see a flatter surface below before she passed out, making for a quick, if rough, landing.
“Woah!” Spike screamed as he was launched from Embers back to the surface on the side of the mountain. Good thing his scales were tough, so he didn't get that hurt from the rough terrain. When he got back to a standing position, he saw Ember passed out on the ground. “Sweet, Celestia! Are you okay, Ember? I'm so sorry, I just couldn't hold it on anymore.”
Ember was motionless for a second, which really worried Spike until she suddenly coughed and opened her eyes. “Jeez, what are those ponies feeding you?”
“Gems mostly.” Spike chuckled nervously. He was happy that Ember was able to joke about the incident.
“Well you might wanna fix that, because wow…” Ember said as she got to her feet and started marching forward. “For now though, I think it’d be better if I stayed upwind of you.”
“Hehe, good idea.” Spike said as he followed behind. If the two were still friends after this, they'd have quite the story to tell later.
Spike the dragon happily popped another gem into his mouth and chomped on it as he lounged on a fancy couch. The drake was currently visiting The Crystal Empire and, as is usually the case, the citizens were spoiling their greatest hero. Spike’s every need as being tended to without him having to lift a claw. It’s one of the reasons he loved coming to The Crystal Empire so much, but it was also why Twilight declined to go with him this time. She described it as an act of trust, since she believed the dragon was now responsible enough to make the journey on his own. She only asked that Spike not go overboard with his celebrity attention, and for the moment, he thought he was doing a good job keeping that promise. It wasn’t his fault the citizens were giving him as many gems as he could eat, or that they were complimenting his every move. It brought them joy after all, and what kind of dragon would he be if he deprived them of such joy?
“How are you enjoying your visit, Spike?” Princess Cadence asked as she walked it. Taking a break from being a ruler and mother to check in her sister-in-law’s favorite assistant.
“It’s the BEST!” Spikes helped in excitement before shoving another handful of gems into his mouth. “Twilight never lets me snack on gems this much!”
“I see. Maybe you should slow down? You’re looking a little…” Cadence's eyes moved to the dragon’s tummy, which looked three times the size it was when he arrived at the castle an hour ago.
“Are you kidding?” Spike asked as swallowed another mouthful. “I could do this all-”
*GGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGLLLLLLLLEEE*
Spike’s tummy suddenly vibrated, as if in protest over how much the dragon was eating. The dragon and pony each took notice of this, with the former placing a claw on his building belly and rubbing it to ease the comotion. “On second thought, a break sounds nice.” Spikes then stretched his limbs and yawns. “I could use a nap. Got any place I could sleep this off?”
“Right this way.” Cadence said with a giggle before leading the drake to the nearest guest room. Spikes followed as best he could, but it was difficult with how much extra weight he was carrying. He only got to the center of the main hall when something unexpected happened.
*SLAM*
Spikes and Cadence turned as soon as the castle doors burst open and saw, standing at the entrance, was none other than the evil King Sombra! “Here me, Crystal Empire! Your rightful ruler has returned!”
“Sombre?” Princess Cadence immediately got in a defensive stance, stepping in front of Spike, and spreading a wing to shield the small dragon. “How did you break the barrier to get into our kingdom?”
“Simple. I used a spell that blocks out all magic in this kingdom except my own.” Sombre explained with a grin that then turned sinister. “All of you ponies will bow to me, or else!”
“Ha! Like we’d ever bow to the likes of you!” A Crystal Pony yelled from the crowd that had gathered.
“Yeah! We still have the great and noble Spike on our side!” Another Crystal Pony called out. This surprised Cadence, Sombre, and Spike before the crowd started chanting.
“SPIKE!”
“SPIKE!”
“SPIKE!”
“SPIKE!”
“That’s Right!” Spike announced, having been inspired by the crowd’s belief in him. He stepped in front of Cadence as he kept talking, trying to look as heroic as possible while cradling a full tummy. “Your magic is no match against my dragon fire!”
“Spike. Are you sure this is a good idea?” Cadence whispered worriedly.
“No, but it's the best we’ve got.” Spike whispered back. Truthfully he was scared, but he couldn’t back down now that he was the only home to save The Crystal Empire.
“HAHAHA! You think a tiny dragon like you can stand against me?”Sombre asked mockingly. When Spike stood firm, the dark king decided to humor him. “Then, give me your best shot.”
Spike braced himself as he inhaled. He wasn’t in any state to fight, but he had to defend the ponies that were so gracious to him. Spike got ready to breathe out his strongest gust of fire at Sombre. However, just as he was about to open his mouth, the dragon’s tummy gurgled again.
“GGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGLLLLLLLLEEEEEE*
“Oooh! Wait! Time Out!” Spike said as he clutched his tummy, which was now in more pain than it had been before.
“What's wrong, little dragon? Having second thoughts?” Sombre taunted. “It’s not too late for a pathetic creature such as yourself to bow to me as well.”
Spike struggled to push past the pain and get back to defending the kingdom. However, his tummy continued to churn, so he turned around to face Cadence in the hope that she’d know how to soothe his aching stomach. In this new stance Spike unknowingly bent over with his butt aimed right at Sombre and his tail raised.
“Huh? If you're trying to bow, you’re facing the wrong way!” Sombre said, offended at the disrespect he was receiving.
“Spike, are you okay?” Cadence knelt down and asked the drake.
“Not sure!” Spike said in a shaky tone. His eyes were closed and his teeth clenched. His tummy was getting louder and lowered as the pressure grew to an unbearable degree. Spike thought he was about to explode. “It feels like I'm gonna-!”
*BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH*
Everypony in the room was shocked when they saw a massive green fireball shoot out of Spike’s butt with the force of a thousand suns. The Crystal Ponies were lucky to not be Sombre, as his face took the full brunt of the blaze. He tried to withstand it but was soon sent flying as the sheer force of the fiery flatulence sent him flying until he landed in the snow several miles from the kingdom. As soon as Sombre was a safe distance away, Spike’s fart started to die down. Within seconds, there was nothing but a few smoldering green embers and scorch marks where Sombre once stood. Spike’s eyes widened when he looked over his shoulder to see the damage his butt had caused. The faint smell of burnt brimstone hung in the air. He then turned back to the Crystal Ponies and saw all of their shocked faces.
“Um…excuse me.” Spike offered sheepishly. The crowd remained silent, which only made Spike more embarrassed as the seconds ticked on. This was the most humiliating thing he’d done in front of The Crystal Ponies but at least his tummy felt better.
“YAY!!!!!” The crowd suddenly burst with excitement at how awesome Spike’s defeat of Sombre was. They were going crazy and when they started chanting his name again, Spike felt a wave of relief.
“SPIKE!”
“SPIKE!”
“SPIKE!”
“SPIKE!”
Spike was soon hoisted into the air as the crowd cheered him in celebration. He was so happy to have saved The Crystal Empire once again. The only problem was trying to come up with a way for this story to sound believable to Twilight and the rest of his friends when he returned home.
