Ponyville's Pragmatic Posse

Anon, Starlight and Trixie sit on one of the several Balconies of the Castle of Friendship.

They've only got a few days left to work on their group project.

So of course, they were quietly sharing a bottle of booze pilfered from Twilight's not-so-secret stash, and not so silently judging the denizens of Ponyville that walked within their elevated view.

Sunset was back on Earth; something was wrong with Starlight's phone, so she was handling support. Turns out, not everyone selling a used phone is selling a working used phone. Go figure.

"Oh, woe upon Trixie's eyes." Trixie huffs loudly, sipping.

All three are comfortably sprawled on various furniture dragged from the Castles insides, now scooted up against the balcony's handrail.

Starlight and Anon glance down; oh, it's that Doctor Hooves asshole.

"I heard he's not even a real Doctor. Just tells young Mares that so they'll join him on 'Adventures' or whatever." Starlight chides.

"He's talking to that grey mailmare; Derpy, was it?" Trixie points out.

"More like Doctor Grooms." Anon snorts. Sunset would've hit him for that one.

Derpy looks offended, and slaps him across the face; the trio make a collective 'Oooooh', as she flies away in a huff.

"Ha." Anon snorts.

"Apparently, she's got a man already. A veteran or something." Starlight muses.

"Oh, don't look now -- the wannabe couple is having a fight again." Anon points down; close to the fountain, the DJ pony and the classical music pony were arguing, waving hooves around.

"Do they not fight near weekly?" Trixie muses, ever so wise, behind a large sip.

"Something about Lesbian Domestic Abuse statistics." Anon chimes in, also sipping.

The two fellow balcony-sitters glance at him.
"What?" Starlight asks.

"Oh -- back on Earth, Lesbians have a huge spike on domestic abuse cases. Shit's wild." Anon explains.

Starlight tilts her head. "What, you think one of them hits the other?"

"You think she wears those bigass glasses for nothing? Hiding a black eye, for sure. Escapes behind raves and drugs, while her abusive, high-strung and high-class classical girlfriend takes her mounting stress out on her with the ol' one two." Anon goes on, shadow boxing the air -- and spilling some of his drink. "Ah, shit."

Starlight shakes her head, but Trixie hums thoughtfully.
"Hmm... Trixie can see it." She concurs.

Starlight rolls her eyes, scanning the quiet days crowd.
"Oh, the Crusaders are out and about again. Remember the stuff they used to get up to?"

"Half the town does, I'm sure. Local menaces. Ain't there rumors about the Apple Family getting up to some particular shit?" Anon fields. Starlight nods.

"Yeah, old rumors about Mac and Applejack, after someone walked in at the wrong time. Hasn't been proven, but they get real spicy about that topic." Starlight explains, getting an overly thoughtful nod from Anon.

"For the Big Mac? Trixie does not see the appeal." Blue Shoenicorn huffs.

"Course you don't, you're swinging for the other team." Anon gives her a look. "But hey, respect to the Apples. Pure bloodlines and all that."

"Celestia, EW, Anon." Starlight sticks her tongue out.

"You think Twilight's ever thought of her brother, Shingles or whatever his name is, that way?" Anon tests, pursing his lips.

Starlight dry-heaves. "We are NOT talking about Princess Twilight and if she has a kink for her sibling, Anon. Go back to crowd watching."

"Boooo." Anon blows a raspberry.

"...Trixie could see it." Trixie hums; getting an abhorred look from Starlight, and a fist-hoof bump from Anon for playing along.

The trio sip their drinks, going back to judging. Trixie and Anon are drinking notably more of their own, while Starlight sips.

This becomes increasingly evident, as Trixie and Anon begin considering throwing things from the balcony.

"You think the chair's too much?" Anon leans forward, sharing critical advise with his most trusted advisor, the blue horny one.

"Absolutely. A chair sends... the wrong message. Go down, get a rock, bring it up, use the rock. Reminds them of their lowered, no-balcony lives." Trixie coldly affirms, slurred behind a hefty sip.

Starlight is holding her head in her hooves, already dreading how terribly this is going to go. She can't bail now; she'll feel guilty. But if she stays, she'll be responsible.

"Mm. Good idea. I'll go get a rock." Anon nods, throwing a leg over the handrail.

"...Do you have wings?" Trixie asks.

Anon pauses.
"...No. Can I borrow some?"

"Leave it to... the Magnum...magnifi...majes... yes." Trixie hiccups, zapping Anon square in the chest, with a burst of magic from her horn.

It's not even a spell; she just drunkenly blasts him with magic. The impact sends him over the edge, limbs flailing.

Starlight looks horrified, running to the handrail, leaning over it; expecting a crumpled pile of Anon. Not because she cared, but because that would be tartarus to explain to Princess Twilight.

He's standing, completely fine. Starlight sighs, relieved.

"...Forgot I'm tall. Where's rock?" She can hear him mumble, before falling flat on his face.

She's no longer relieved.

The Balcony door clicks open, as Sunset steps outside onto it, glancing between the group.
"Hey Starlight; got the Phone back, they..."

She trails off, looking between the empty bottle, a worried Starlight, a tipsy Trixie, and a human chair missing its human.

"...He took the quick way down, didn't he." Sunset hazards, considering she didn't pass him in the halls.

Starlight nods.

Sunset groans, turning around to head downstairs. A hospital trip wasn't on her days planner.

Starlight turns to Trixie, trying to nudge her inside.
"Come on, Trixie. Let's go. Get some water in you."

"Mm. Fucketh nay." Trixie hiccups, falling out of her own chair.

Well, thankfully, Anon didn't need the hospital. Other than a nice, big bruise on his ass, he'd live. Looks like the spicy liquid helped soften up his bones, or whatever it was he was rambling about.

Sunset groans, rolling her eyes.

They're halfway to Anon's room, Sunset walking on her back two hooves. She's trying to support Anon, holding him up from underneath his shoulder. He's heavy, annoying and dragging his feet; but, she feels responsible. She was the one stocking Twilight's stash after all, and she wasn't there to participate in the drinking. As in, she wasn't there to keep them from going overboard like she knew they would.

"You're... mustard." Anon smacks his lips, trying to code her fur color.

"No, I'm... butterscotch, or something." Sunset retorts. At least he was still fun, while drunk. Turns out, he'd been sipping a lot harder than either of the other girls.

Distantly, she hears the sound of someone throwing up. Nevermind.

"Heh. You're... butt alright." He grins.

"And what's that supposed to mean?" Sunset huffs.

"Big Flank." Anon grins, giving her a saucy eye.

"Celestia, you're an idiot." She groans; she's only a little flattered. Just a smidge.

"Mmmmmmm your."

"...Your?"

"...Idiot." He grins.

"Oh, now you're calling me --"

Unfortunately, a rolled piece of the carpet had plans for their conversation. Sunset's hoof catches on it, and her eyes go wide as the floor starts to rapidly approach. With Anon in her hooves already, recovery was a no-go; not with him falling on top of her. This was going to suck.

But she doesn't get the chance to meet the floor.

She finds Anon's arms wrapped around her, catching her; one around her waist, pressing her against his stomach. The other holds the hoof she had wrapped around him, from trying to support him. Her back hooves barely touch the ground, dangling.

There's a quiet moment, where Anon simply holds her. Surprisingly agile, for someone who can't figure out words.

"Mmm nope. I'm... your idiot." He hums, clarifying and content; and slurred.

Sunset's heart flutters. For that? Seriously? That was the bar, now?

She slowly looks up; there's a small expectation of what she'll see, following that gallant sweep off her hooves...

It's just Anon. He's smiling at her, with that big, dumb smile of his, face red from the alcohol.

...Yeah. Her idiot. She sighs, leaning her face against him.

"Thanks, Anon. Let's get you to bed, yeah?" She shakes her head, trying to untangle from him. It's harder than she thought.

"Only if... you. In. With meeeee." He smiles, starting to waddle them down the hallway.

Her face goes red. Welp.