Well, it was like the train they had taken to Canterlot for the Wedding.

But...shinier. Almost upsettingly so to Anon's eyes. It was like every part of it was made of Crystals.

On closer inspection? Well, because it was. Anon had absolutely no idea how they pulled that off -- no, scratch that, he did; he forgets every time. Magic. Never mind. Not even the Ponies could explain half the shit they did with anything better than a shrug, and muttering 'Magic'. At least the seats were still comfortable, somehow, despite everything having sharp corners.

Anon was sensing a very crystalline theme here, and he had a feeling it wasn't going to be a good one. Just a very... shiny one.

Twilight excitedly sits across from him, several books taken from the Library spread out in front of them. She was providing him a crash-course on the Crystal Empire and its history before they arrived.

Another book hovers up in front of his face, startling Anon out if his depressive ruminations.

"And here, you can see King Sombra; he's been trying to take over the Crystal Empire an enact his own cruel rule, mind-controlling the Ponies." She explains.

Looks like he'd be popular on Deviantart, Anon snorts to himself.
"...Okay. Are we going to meet him? Or am I watching out for him?"

"Oh, no! He's missing, and it's why the Crystal Kingdom returned; just try not to bring him up, he's a sore spot for them." Twilight explains.

"...Right." Anon mutters, leaning closer to get a look at him. He was working those muttonchops, though. It's giving... Ganondorf.

"And what about shit actually relevant to my upcoming position?" He instead asks.

"Uh... Truthfully? I have no idea. There's been Advisors for the Canterlot Court before, but I'm not sure how a Royal Advisor for the Crystal Kingdom works, or how much control they actually have. I've also never really interacted with any of Equestria's Advisors, just the Princess... We'll have to find out while we're there--but I'll help you learn everything!" Twilight exclaims, digging out another book. "A lot of their literature is only recently resurfacing... I can't wait to see their libraries."

While Twilight gets excited about the visit, Anon wonders if Crystal Ponies ate crystals. Was it cannibalism? The regular Ponies diets were bad enough, but he has a hard time imagining eating crystals to be an enjoyable experience. The Dentists here probably made bank; or the Ponies had some insane teeth.

His gaze flickers to the few guards who ride with them, currently a pair of Stallions sharing their traincar. Their armor was either a silvery blue, or a soft mellowed green; their fur... glinting, like... these dumb fucking rocks they made everything out of. This was going to get old, fast. Anon mentally marks to watch where to stand when the sun shines on the things, lest he get blinded by light bouncing off them.

"Oh, here! You can learn about Princess Amore! Very little is known about her, but she's a notable figure in the Crystal Empire's history --" Twilight starts, hovering up a book to show a Mare the size of Celestia. Huh, looks kind of like Cadance. Twilight is about to launch into a tirade of the Crystal-Ponies other, non-sombra leadership, when Anon holds a finger up.

"Is it the Crystal Kingdom, or the Crystal Empire?" Anon cuts in, confused.

"The Crystal Empire. Anyone who says Crystal Kingdom is just wrong." She giggles, shaking her head.

"But... you've been calling it both." Anon tries to point out.

She looks at him, confused. "No? I haven't?"

Anon holds his hands up in surrender, and drops it. He's not about to be gaslit by a fucking Pony.

It's about a full days ride to the Empire, from Canterlot. They were even served dinner by one of the train-staff.

Guess what it was. Anon was both surprised, and disappointed.

Pony food. Great.

Well... maybe they were just serving them the Pony food, and the guards -- no, they're getting Pony food too. Anon mentally marks off 'Crystal Cruncher' as a slur, and pokes his meal with a sigh.

Twilight's already ripped into hers.

What Anon hated was how deceptive the food was. Hayburger was the worst about it.

Everything looked like a real, good burger. Every single option on the menu, was crafted to look just like a cheeseburger. But instead of beef, it was lies. It was all made of condensed hay patties or whatever they did. Honestly, it felt cruel, and the first time he ate it, it broke his heart; that was the start of his anti-pony-food spiral. Also, humans can't comfortably eat hay, so he spent the next hour getting sick. Not Anon, at least.

He'd have to try and use his power to get them to import fish, or SOMETHING, because he'd wither away before lasting very long in this new position.

Dinner went... fine. Anon picked at it, like he usually did. Twilight tried to offer him some of the tastier parts of her own, so they swapped some bites. She understood his plight, thankfully.

Dinner gets packed in. Twilight tries to ham in a few more lessons, but the meal is getting her tired. They deign to chat for a while, instead.

Night was soon well and truly underway, the train chugging onward. They were to arrive in the morning, so the seats were doubling as beds tonight; ensuring they would arrive on time.

Anon is sprawled on his back on half the seating, Twilight curled up on his chest, snoring. That draws the attention of one the guards, the other napping quietly, slumped against one of the walls.

Social norms with Ponies were either ignored, or outright forgotten around him. He figured it was part of his Anti-Charm; creatures had a very high tolerance for his bullshit, and often interacted with him, specifically, oddly. Things normally marked "Very Dangerous" seemed oddly willing to give Anon a chance, at first.

In this case, the moment Twilight found out just how much heat Anon put out with his lack of fur, he would constantly find her trying to use him as a heater.

These Pony things were a smidge like cats; honestly a whole splash of different features, but just enough that some cat shit worked on them.

Twilight swore him to secrecy after it, but 'Pspsps' worked on her once, when she stayed up for three days straight. That had Anon in stitches. Now whenever he tries it, she gives him a dirty look.

And you'd be surprised how far basic care gets you, to a Pony. Brush their Mane. Scratch their back. Boom; they're like putty in his palm. No preening Wings though; helping with that was apparently super intimate, same as touching a Unicorns Horn, or an Earth Pony's Hooves. Despite being a big shitwad, Anon respected boundaries. Mama raised him right.

Anon had been in Ponyville for... shit, close to a year now. A year of crashing at Twilight's and hanging out with her near-daily. At first, there was some experimentation to see just what he was, and if her summoning of him had any adverse affects. Nothing. No displacement to reality, no absorbing all magic with his weird anti-magic shit, nothing. Twilight pretty quickly realized she just poofed some dude instead, when he very easily and willingly gave her his name, and it did nothing.

Now they just hang out. She deeply appreciated that he doesn't spiral into grudges or beef with the other locals, or abuse his opposable thumbs. Maybe one day, when he felt like being a villain.

They're tiny, colorful horses. It's hard to take them seriously, when they have pictures on their ass and names like "Filthy Rich".

Twilight stirs softly in her sleep, Anon ruffling her mane. She makes a quiet whinny, nuzzling further against him. They were pretty cute, though.

One of the guards looks over from their own makeshift bed town the train car, a mixture of curiosity and... oh, no way that's jealousy. He's gotten way too good at reading these silly little horses for his own good.

Anon gives them a little wave with his free hand, getting their attention. They tilt their head curiously. Time for a little test about these Crystal-Variant of Ponies.

He points to the spot beside himself, on the open side of his seat. The guard glances around, as if looking for a reason to object, or if he's motioning to another; but the train worker was up ahead by several cars, and the other guard was asleep themselves.

Tentatively, they rise, walking down the train car quietly. Well, as quiet as something hooves can. They always wondered how Anon could pick up on them while they were sneaking. He had... ears?

Well, except Ponk, but she didn't obey any natural laws. Not thinking about how Plink operated saved himself some sleepless nights.

"Sir? Did you need something?" They ask quietly, glancing to the drooling Twilight on his chest with a curious glance.

Apparently all of the Crystal Ponies looked like Earth Ponies; this one was wearing silvery-blue armor, highlighting their own light-blue fur. An almost platinum mane peeks out from under the helmet, with wide, curious icy-blue eyes staring at him. Probably on the younger, fresher to the ranks side.

"Caught you staring. You want in on this?" Anon asks, wriggling a free hand.

Wiggly fingers always weirded Ponies out at first; very funny to Anon. Said guard stares at his hand.

"Apologies if my... staring disturbed, Sir, I didn't mean to offend. Get in on... what, exactly, Sir?" They ask tentatively.

Anon's fingers reach down for the guards chin. He tries to pull back, but Anon is too fast.

Chin scratch.

Melts in the palm of his hand, eyes half-closing.

Maybe he did get demon-powers or something; subjugation through pets. The devious idea of usurping one of the kingdoms, like Equestria, by petting its leader into submission is an amusing one; sat on Canterlots throne, Sunbutt on his lap, like a supervillain and their oversized cat.

Then again, she might be into that. Best not.

The distant, muffled horn of the train slowly stirs a groggy Anon, blinking awake. Well, that and his foot is repeatedly being nudged.

The other guard, the one he didn't enrapture with petting; an older stallion with a grey coat and off-green armor, stares down at them.

Twilight is curled up in a ball on his chest, Anon idly scratching her back. The younger guard is curled up to his side, helmet beside him as Anon scratches his head. They had an... interesting texture to their fur, now that he had some time to work on it. Closer to standard horses fur, almost smooth; like a biological attempt of a rocky, smooth surface. Not perfect, but close. Weird touch feel.

"...Sir. We have arrived. Can you relinquish Mint Cobalt from your... grasp?" He requests sternly. The younger guards eyes snap open in a worry as his name is called.

"Oh, my bad. Humans, we don't sleep well alone. I'm just appreciative of the Empires immense hospitality to work around my... unique needs." Anon entirely bullshits. He can feel Cobalt exhale in relief against him.

Wasn't entirely a lie, though. Sleeping with a big pony pillow or two was better than alone. He might keep this ruse going. Might even throw in a few other 'Human' things, see how far he can push it.

"Understood... but please refrain from collecting such from our rank and file. I'm sure the staff at the Castle will be willing to assist." They sigh, as Cobalt springs back up to the other guards side, quickly tucking his own helmet back on. The older stallion throws Cobalt a hefty glare, as Cobalt clears his throat, looking away.

A few pokes, and Twilight stirs, snorting awake. She glances idly between the several faces watching her, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

"Mm...we here?" She mumbles, smacking her lips, grinning sheepishly at the guards once she notices their audience.

Man, it was nippy. Anon didn't realize just how far north the Crystal Empire was; they shared a border with yaks, who shared a border with penguins and polar bears. He should've figured. Hopefully Twilight packed his coat.

"You could have woken me up earlier!" Twilight grumbles, slapping Anon's leg with her tail. At least she used her tail, and didn't use all the luggage she was carrying with her magic, which hovered threateningly around them in a purple glow. Anon was starting to regret insisting she carry his, too, since she was the one who packed them. Those big, wobbly, sad purple eyes didn't work on him as well as she hoped, and she was getting back at him for it. Rarity was the only one whose pouting he could falter for.

Most of the luggage was Twilight's, anyway.

"I didn't get up any earlier than you did." Anon retorts, unabashed, leaning away from a suitcase that hovers just a little too close. Ponies didn't really respect his privacy, so he got used to not having any. This had the slightly averse affect of counter-upsetting the Ponies, since they still seemed to like their own privacy. Conditional little things.

They'd missed the approach towards the walls, since they'd slept until they were already docked at the station; a decent spread of guards watched them as they took the path upwards, towards the castle, a few of the other Crystal ponies peppered around, watching them curiously.

Anon was right. Crystals, fucking everywhere. Crystal houses, crystal infrastructure; but it also all seemed a little... outdated. Like, Canterlot was medieval, sure, compared to some of the other Equestrian cities. But this felt... extra medieval. Extra old.

"How long was the Empire gone for, again?" Anon mutters, glancing at Twilight.

"A... thousand years, I believe." Twilight recalls. Anon knows the hesitation was her compartmentalizing the actual, exact year count to a summary. She had learned to do that for him more, since he started zoning out during her longer explanations.

"Huh. Castle looks pretty new and detailed, in comparison." Anon muses, pointing up at it. They were passing the wide, open square, with a massive Crystal citadel in its center. Reminded him of the Eiffel tower, honestly.

"Is that whole thing the castle?" Anon asks, looking up at it. Very tower-like compared to the Castle vibe of Canterlot. The way it was positioned over the square, it must be odd knowing Ponies walked directly underneath your floor.

"Yes, and a part of its function is dedicated to the Crystal Heart. Look under it, in the center." Twilight pauses, pointing it out to Anon.

Underneath the massive, Eiffel Tower style crystalline chunk and its four supporting struts, was a large pedestal. A Crystal heart of a shining blue floated softly in place. A pointed shard of crystal pointed down from the underbelly of the castle, and a large pedestal sat underneath it.

"The Love and Hope of all the Crystal Ponies fuel the Crystal Heart, and it protects them in turn; it was used to banish Sombra, as it combats and eliminates Evil. Apparently, it can even reveal the Destiny in ones heart, if gazed upon." Twilight explains, likely reciting one of her books.

Anon wonders what would happen if he got hit by it; if he'd be smited on the spot, or reformed into a gooder version of himself, or if he even categorized as something evil around here. Something to keep in mind, if he ever seeks to repent for his numerous crimes, he snorts to himself.

Several Crystal Guards currently mill about around it, though it doesn't look too heavily secured, considering several Crystal Ponies were idling around it, looking or talking. The fact it even has guards at all is probably a side-effect from Shining handling security.

They slow in their pace as they stare at the Heart, Anon raising an eyebrow. They were across the plaza from it, so no little peek into their destinies for them. Probably for the best; if Anon saw what his future was supposed to be, his innate contrarianism would demand he do the opposite.

Wait, wasn't that also the thing that protected them from Sombra? Seemed odd just having it so... out, and unprotected. It looked kind of easy to snatch.

"Looks like the heart on Cadance's butt. Think that one does the same, if you stare at it?" Anon jokes.

Twilight barely stifles a snort, before the two guards escorting them pausing to glare back. Anon purses his lips.

"Which, I will not find out. Because... I will not check." He slowly affirms. The Guards glares slowly turn back towards the castle, and the group is off again.

Twilight gives him an 'Oh, you' look.

That was not what Anon felt. Those looks were pointed. Dangerous, even. They might like their Princess a little too much around here. Anon spends the rest of the walk quietly wondering if Cadance had some kind of... ambient love effect on the local population, trying to recall if he felt anything while spending time with her, in the crystal cells.

...Nope. Oh well. His attention span faltered. Chalk it up to the Crystal Ponies being an uppity group, and move on. Maybe if he remembered, he'd ask Cadance later.

They're guided through the large, heavy Crystal doors, down the Crystal halls, passing Crystal pillars. More guards, obviously, but notably less than Canterlot.

Actually, Anon was noticing that they seemed to do everything smaller, and more in detail here. Not by much, mind, but comparing this castle to Canterlot's, it felt like... the massive, towering ceilings of a grand cathedral, contrasted to a sizable, crystalline estate. Still impressive, but not quite on the same tier. The halls and decorations, doors and pillars, were all smaller in comparison, but "Crystal-Crafted" with a lot of fine, intricate detailing's. Little murals engraved in pillars, or multi-colored crystals used to create a pseudo-stained-glass window, attached directly to the crystals that made up the walls.

While the houses and businesses outside were made of raw, unsmoothed Crystal, including much of the infrastructure here was smoothed and worked over, looking hoof-crafted rather than... was the alternative actually just being grown naturally?

At least he didn't have to duck under doorframes, still. He appreciated that. Anon still got headaches now and then from just how often he hit his head on shit around Ponyville.

A pit-stop is made at their guest rooms; taking the job or not, they were guests of the Empire. This was mostly just a chance for a tired Twilight to offload the luggage, and to try and guilt Anon into feeling bad for making her carry it all. It didn't work. He just pats her head.

Instead of being directed through towards the throne room, they're taken through a few side hallways, ending in a dining room; it was smaller, elaborate and lavish, but private compared to Canterlots massive long-tabled dining hall. This one looks like it would seat at most eight, with a fireplace nestled comfortably in the wall. It's got quite the comfortable atmosphere actually. A private dining hall, maybe?

The guards guide them inside; where Shining Armor and Princess Cadance sit at said table, strikingly contrasting the crystals around them with their polarizing fur, a light breakfast already partially eaten between the pair of them. They look pretty tired.

"Cadance! Shining!" Twilight beams excitedly, charging around the table to greet them. Both rise from their seats, smiling in turn as they meet Twilight in a pair of tight hugs.

"Twilight! So good to see you again. I didn't know you were coming!" Cadence says warmly, keeping her sister-in-law hugged close; the pair can't help but giggle, likely over that very reason.

"It's only been a week, Cadance! I mean, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza." Twilight corrects, pulling from her grasp and dramatically bowing. Cadance rolls her eyes, hardly stifling the ensuing laugh, before Twilight's own giggles join in, the two happily trotting in place.

"Oh don't YOU start. You are my Lawfully-Mandated Sister, and I won't be hearing such from you. Cadance only. And I will miss you from a single day, thank you very much." Cadance playfully retorts, poking Twilight's chest with a hoof.

Shining finally manages to get at a hug of his own, approaching her side and pulling his sister in tightly, rustling her mane with a hoof.
"It's good to see you again, Twily -- was worried we wouldn't get the chance to, for a while. Was the ride alright? What brings you around?"

Twilight pushes her way out of Shining's brotherly grasp, using her magic to straighten her mane, huffing in mock annoyance.
"The ride was fine, Shining. I told you to stop ruffling my Mane!" She pouts, finally getting her hair straightened. "Your Royal Advisor, of whom I am accompanying to help assist in the transitional stage of his role, is here, escorted by yours truly. If it's alright if I stay. I probably should have asked first..." Twilight informs, motioning to Anon; who is still stood at the other end of the table, having been watching the whole thing play out.

"Of course you're welcome, Twilight. We've got plenty of spare rooms, stay as long as you wish." Shining affirms, with an agreeing nod from Cadance.

Anon is patiently waiting, stood by the door. He's bothering Cobalt again, flicking his ears, grinning.

Oh, shit, they're looking at him now.
"Oh. Hey." Anon gives a little wave. They both smile warmly, moving around the table to come greet him.

"Thank you for coming, Anon. You didn't have to, but we are both glad you did." Cadance says, before looking to the pair of guards that had accompanied him and Twilight.

"Guards? Thank you for escorting them; you can return to your posts." Cadance politely informs, giving the pair a nod.

The Guards both bow, muttering affirmations. Cobalt glances away nervously, eager to escape as Anon gives him an eerie, parting goodbye grin, the heavy crystal doors to the dining room clicking shut behind them. Was Cobalt his new test subject for Pony subjugation? Maybe.

"...You're already having quite the impact among the ranks, aren't you." Shining grins, trotting up behind and around Cadance to reach Anon.

"Can't help it; I have an extremely dangerous and contagious condition called 'Ponies like to be pet by me'. There's currently no cure." Anon shrugs, before hoof-fist bumping Shining.

He doesn't get off so easily with Cadance, who pulls him into a pink-winged hug; nearly the same size as Luna, Cadance is actually one of the few capable of giving him what feels like a proper, actual, body-wrapping hug. And man, she is fluffier than she looks. Her fur must've grown out from living up here in the colder climate. Same would probably happen to Shining eventually, too. It's a funny visual that puts a bemused grin on his face.

Returning the hug is a tad awkward with the wings in the way, but he figures it out, and pats her back.
"Thanks for the invitation. And the job, apparently. Like, really? Me?" He asks incredulously as Cadance let's him go.

"I'd love to discuss that. And more, if you're willing?" Cadance asks, motioning to the dining table with a feathery wing-point, inviting them to sit.

Author's Note