Adventures of Zebra Anon

Table Top’s Games Shop, the best and only palace in Ponyville to play and buy role playing games, card games and strategy games.

“Thirty bits for ten plastic models!? And you have to assemble them yourselves!?” Twilight yelled, shocked at the overpriced nature of the models.

“Duh, that’s the fun part” Anon said as he searched for his preferred army “I had a two thousand point Black Templar army before I got brought to Equestria. Shitty that I couldn’t bring it with me”

Despite all the models being equine parodies of human 40k models, Anon was still geeking out over how cool they were.

Twilight still wasn’t convinced. Browsing the hundreds of boxes, each showing off different models she didn’t see why Anon was so happy to be here.

“So… are you going to buy some of those “Black Templars?” She asked. This was something her friends liked so she would at least try and be interested.

“Nah, I think I’ll homebrew some Chaos Space Marines this time” Anon replied as he picked up some Raptors.

“Chaos Space Marines?” Spike asked from over in the Dungeons and Dragons shelves.

“They’re like regular Space Marines but they sold their souls to the Forces of Chaos” Anon explained.

Now you’d think that a game where dragons are one of the major bad guys would be offensive to the young dragon. But he had a level twelve paladin of Bahamut so clearly not.

“You know what Twiggles? You might like it if you give it a try” Anon offered.

Wrinkling her nose slightly Twilight was still sceptical about it.

“Alright, I’ll try ONE box, but I promise nothing” Twilight replied.

Searching through the factions, Twilight picked up some Ultramarines, having been told by one of the staff they were the most “basic” of the armies.

Paying for everything they needed and picking up Spike’s newest addition of Power Ponies no 73 “Lawsuits of Terror” the trio headed back to the library.

“So we assemble them and then just paint them to look like they do on the box?” Twilight asked as she emptied her box.

“You can really paint them whatever you want but I’d follow the box for your first time, but thin your paints first” Anon explained as he sorted out the three boxes of Raptors and four Legionaries.

“Why?” Twilight asked, tilting her head slightly.

“Because people-“ Anon began.

“Ponies” Twilight corrected.

“Because PEOPLE who don’t thin their paints are psychopaths” Anon stated.

While Spike read his comic with deep interest, Anon helped guide Twilight through her mini’s assembling and painting.

Nine hours passed before they were finished.

Before the two were some of the most immaculately painted and assembled minis to ever grace Equestria with their presence.

Also Anons, which were fine I guess.

“Damn, those are pretty cool” Anon complimented as he looked over the Element of Magic’s minis.

“Really? You think so?” Twilight asked.

The paints were perfectly thinned, the stickers were perfectly placed, even the minis themselves were glued mathematically perfect onto the base.

“Yeah! You’ve got a knack for this” Anon praised.

While being told she was good at something was already a dopamine hit for the bookworm, Twilight couldn’t help but smile as she genuinely enjoyed painting the minis.

“So what do we actually do with them?” Twilight asked.

“Simple, you battle with them” Anon explained.

“Battle?” Twilight asked, the idea of fighting with plastic minis confusing her.

“You know that book I got you? It’s called a Codex, it tells you what your minis can do and it helps you use them to battle against other armies” Anon explained.

“Huh? Can we try?” Twilight asked.

“Sure, I’ll use ten of my Legionaries because you only got the one box. If you need any help just ask” Anon replied.

-1 hour later-

“Ok that’s bullshit” Anon stated.

Somehow, despite using a solid strategy and a good set up, Anon had lost the small battle with Twilight in two rounds.

“Hey I just did what the book said” Twilight stated holding up her Codex.

“Yeah yeah, anyhow what did you think?” Anon asked.

“It was kind of fun, hey do you think the girls would enjoy this?” Twilight asked.

While he couldn’t see Rainbow, Rarity or Fluttershy enjoying the game Anon did think it could be fun to try.

“Eh, we can give it a try” Anon shrugged.

Anon would quickly learn to regret that statement.

Over the next week he and Twilight managed to get the rest of the Mane 6 into Warhammer.

Rainbow Dash played Black Templars.

Applejack played the Imperial Fists.

Rarity played Dark Eldar.

Pinkie Pie played Orks.

And Fluttershy played Tau.

And they all somehow managed to whoop the “Sons of Florida” every time.

Having seen his Chaos Space Marines and their 50k words worth of backstory and description being decimated due to better strategies and sheer dumb luck, Anon thought to himself that he should find new people to play with.

“Alright I hope you girls had fun, see you tomorrow, I’m going to go sit in my bathtub and rethink my existence” Anon bid farewell as those who didn’t live in the tree-library went home for the night.

Dipping himself in a lavender bubble bath and coconut bath salt, Anon read through one of Spike’s Power Pony comics.

Issue 72 “Bath of the Megalodon” to be precise.

“This writing is so hammy I could make a sandwich out of it” Anon commented as he flipped a page.

“Ooh there’s a Royal Gala coming up. I should see if Twiggles wants to go” Anon mused as a advert for a Royal Ball appeared in between pages.