Author's Note
Based on this AI image generated by Horselover Fat on Derpibooru (Safe):
https://derpibooru.org/images/3275091
Obvious Solutions
Jack sighed as he sat down on the fountain's rim. Lunch was only so long, and his roommate was late as usual despite being the one who asked to meet up on his break. Fucking slob, doesn't even have a job and can't make it to his own appointments on time. Better be bringing his half of the rent, or he's out. Hopefully my next roommate won't leave their dirty fucking laundry everywhere or drink from the carton. He hated being a low-wage neophyte white collar in this city; everything was expensive and his starting pay barely covered his half of the rent and necessities as it was. The last thing he needed was more dead weight while his application for the supervisor position that just opened up was being processed by HR.
This might take a while, he thought, so he pulled out one his cheap sudoku books and flipped to a page that hadn't been solved yet. Yes, he could buy apps for his phone. But the tactile feel of the cheap newsprint, the smell of fresh pulp, and the scratch of his pen (always ink; he wasn't some amateur) across it were soothing stimuli he'd incorporated into his puzzle habit. Besides, most puzzle apps were just a Trojan horse for data-harvesting companies, or annoying adware, or both. Usually both. Print was good; cheap, nag-free, and physical. No prompts for 5-star reviews, no pop-overs, no distractions.
He'd given the puzzle a first pass and was just starting to get to the ones that required some thinking when Troy plopped down next to him; an obvious loser even at first sight. Short hair, tips frosted to contrast with his dark face of unshaven stubble, rumpled tanktop under a loudly-printed polyester short-sleeved shirt he left unbuttoned like some sleezeball at the club, ill-fitting baggy slacks that desperately needed an ironing, shoes that were stressed in places from the deck of his frustratingly noisy skateboard habit ("Hey Jack, watch me do this ollie!" God, it's the most basic of tricks and you still can't get it right?). The whole thing was Troy in a nutshell; sloppy, hard to ignore, immature, and wearing thin.
"Guess who just got paid," Troy said with a grin, like earning a living was somehow front page news.
"Good, rent's due at the end of the week," Jack said flatly. "So you came to tell me you're going to pull your weight this month? Congrats, but I didn't need to meet you in the square for this."
"Actually," Troy said, holding up a printed sheet of paper, "I wanted you to be the first to try this puzzle I just sold. Y'know, since you're always solving these things. Feedback would be appreciated, dude!"
"You designed a puzzle, and it actually sold?" Jack asked incredulously. Troy wasn't exactly the problem-solving type. Even with the demand for filler to cram into all those nagware apps, he doubted his roommate had successfully been commissioned.
"Don't sound so surprised, man!" Troy smiled eagerly. "Here, give it a try. It just might change your impression of me for the better."
"Well there's certainly scant room for the alternative," Jack said. As he took the offered printout he noticed something completely anomalous. "Wait, since when do you wear gold rings?"
"Oh, this?" Troy said, raising his hand up so Jack could get a better view. "Uh, passed down through the family. Just wearing it so I didn't have to go looking for it later. I was about to sell it for rent money until this sale," he explained, flicking his hand so that the sun glinted off the plain gold band on his ring finger and dazzled Jack's eyes.
"Fuck, watch where you're aiming that thing!" Jack said, blinking painfully. Still, he pocketed the sudoku book after dog-earing his place, then took the printed puzzle and set it on his briefcase. This he had to see, once the colored after-images of Troy's bling stopped blocking his view of the page.
It was a crossword puzzle, surprisingly enough. Being a creature of habit, Jack started with horizontal, then vertical, in sequential order. He didn't notice Troy's smug expression as this predictable preference played out.
1A. The color of butter.
Seriously? It was either 'golden' or... Jack wrote YELLOW in the space provided (Troy wasn't poetic enough for the other possibility) and moved on to the next clue.
1D. The largest organ on the body.
Jack had to think back to his primary school health classes for this one, but 'on' definitely tipped him off. SKIN, he wrote.
Jack sighed. This was some ultra basic stuff so far. If it was designed for children in schools, the length was a little much. So this would hardly satisfy anyone. Dammit Troy, you have so much to learn about the art of the puzzle. Know your audience! he thought, twirling the pen in his yellow fingers.
2A. "______, Vegetable, or Mineral".
Okay, this actually threw him for a loop if only because he wasn't expecting the terminally incurious Troy to reference such an old, foreign quiz show. ANIMAL.
2D. Romantically involved; a fan of something.
Jack looked at the space provided and saw only five boxes. Easy enough. LOVER. It struck him as funny that the last two words could easily describe himself; Jack always had a soft spot for critters. Part of the reason he wanted a well-paying job was to start keeping all kinds of apartment-friendly pets. Come to think of it, the first two could also apply to him and his unique complexion. Was this Troy's idea of a joke? Asshole, he thought as he continued solving.
3A. A blue-green semiprecious stone.
Easy. TURQUOISE.
3D. The windows to the soul.
EYES. Yeah, this was about on Troy's level, Jack though as he blinked away some speck of dust that had irritated his own eyes. And it didn't escape him that this was continuing with the pattern of pairing words that formed a description of Jack's traits. He shuddered at the image of Troy thinking about him long and hard enough to turn him into a puzzle theme. Fucking creep.
4A. The opposite of hard.
Yielding, compliant, flexible, Jack thought. Even 'easy' would be a more satisfying solution than... crap. There were only 4 boxes. He sighed at the disappointingly low difficulty level. SOFT. The opposite of hard: this puzzle, he thought.
4D. The kind of word artist Henry Rollins is.
Okay, that one came out of left field. Jack blinked his turquoise eyes and had to think for a moment. He didn't recognize the name, but the specific phrase 'word artist' gave him a clue that seemed to fit into the six provided boxes. SPOKEN. For all that Jack had a tendency to stew over things, he had been described as soft-spoken sometimes. Even 'shy,' on occasion. If people only knew how much he sometimes wanted to just cut them down with a well-placed, incisive remark to highlight their glaring stupidity. But he was always too apprehensive about coming off as a jerk, so he kept a lot to himself. Anyway, good on Troy for actually giving his neurons a brief work-out this time. Somehow, Jack felt this was going to be the high-water mark of the difficulty.
5A. Describes a generously-endowed woman's chest.
He glared at Troy with a poisonous anger. The reason people always, without fail, got his gender wrong was because even painfully tight binding wasn't enough to hide these fucking tits he had to put up with until there was enough money for top surgery. It was really sickening to know his roommate was obsessing over that feature. The crossing over at the letter U dictated that the answer was BUXOM.
5D. A sex; rhymes with email.
Okay, this was definitely aimed at him. He hated Troy reminding him of his dysphoria. Despite cutting his hair short, binding his chest, and wearing the most masculine clothes he could find (in his sizes), Jack was tired of people insisting on using the wrong pronouns and talking to him like a girl. He'd even always used his preferred nickname instead of 'Jacqueline' when signing anything that didn't require a full legal name. Goddammit Troy, this isn't a fucking joke. It made the fact that Troy wrote a puzzle all about him all the more disturbing. Clenching his pen in his disappointingly small fingers, Jack determined to finish this puzzle quickly and get it over with. FEMALE. One more like that would be crossing the line and Jack didn't like the idea of ruining a good pen by driving it into a pervy roommate's eyeball.
6A. The opposite of transgender.
Jacqueline blinked. There sure were a lot of phrases here about gender and women. Well, it made sense; Troy was apparently obsessed with her and creeping on her by making this puzzle. Ugh. Jacqueline dutifully filled in the boxes with CISGENDER and noted where the heretofore rare letters like C and G crossed other blanks.
6D. Someone who is attracted to both men and women.
Jacqueline paused. She never said anything to him about liking men. As a precaution she'd introduced herself as 'lesbian' to try and keep her obviously pervy roommate at arm's length. Troy was definitely the type to think 'you just need the right man, baby!' and offer himself up as the exemplar. Gross. I'd take any man over a man-child, any day of the week. Jerks like him are why she generally sought out women for relationships instead. Since there were only two boxes available, she used the shortened form BI.
7A. Often the dye color preferred by the eponymous singer.
Points for using eponymous, at least, Jacqueline thought as she wrote down the four-letter word PINK.
7D. Mammals have this; frequently styled.
She had to give him points for one thing. Even if the word HAIR was obvious and the clue was simple, it did scan as a professionally phrased one. But come on, man! Use longer solutions to make it interesting, Jacqueline thought as she ran her free hand through the short, pink, boy-cut mop atop her head. Maybe the girly color was giving Troy the wrong idea about me, she thought.
8A. Empathetic; prone to fondness; forgiving.
Jacqueline glanced at the space allotted and was disappointed to see the third four-letter word in a row. KIND, she inscribed as it ended with the D of a previous solution. It did remind her to give Troy a break and stop criticizing every weak point in this puzzle, however. The guy was not doing a bad job, really. Especially since she usually had low expectations of him. Maybe that was a bit unfair, too.
8D. Describes a person who is devoted, caring, and tender.
Since the second letter was a U for Turquoise, it didn't take much effort to fit the word NURTURING into the boxes. This was an improvement over most of the solutions; maybe with a little help she could teach Troy how to make more challenging puzzles. And if he wanted to take an interest in her hobby as a way to pay the bills, well, that was something to be encouraged. It's clear he put some effort into this one, it shouldn't take much to get him exploring his potential.
9A. Lions and horses have this.
Jacqueline had to smirk as she flipped her own long, pink MANE off to one side since it was starting to get in the way of her line of sight.
9D. When your eyes are bright, this is probably bushy.
That reminded her to check her own TAIL to make sure it wasn't getting wet. She flicked it over to one side and examined the silky pink strands; dry so far. It's a good thing the rim of this fountain was extra wide for use as a bench.
10A. A kind of formal shirt.
That was easy enough to guess. Even Troy had to notice how many BLOUSEs Jacqueline had for work. Men get all the fun clothes, she thought. Soft, billowy shirts weren't her thing in casual contexts but the dress code required them.
10D. A style of shoe favored by women (plural).
Another softball question; Jacqueline wrote HIGHHEELS with no spaces or hyphen to fit it into the boxes provided.
11A. A MAD parody shirt proclaimed "UP WITH -" this type of garment.
Hmmm, that one required some thought. Jacqueline noted the word started with M in buxom and included the I in tail, and was able to guess something that fit. MINISKIRT not only worked, it made sense of the joke. Of course, she should have just assumed Troy was talking about her typical wardrobe again. Speaking of which, she glanced over to see him staring at her bare thighs. Still a creep, she thought with disappointment as she tugged the hem further down her yellow legs.
11D. Possessing feminine attributes or characteristics.
This one began with the G in cisgender; that and the five boxes told her it was GIRLY. What was Troy trying to say? Of course she was girly; she was a girl. He shouldn't be so surprised. Or maybe he was just obsessing again. Sometimes men could be so... well, creepy she thought for the fourth time in her short lunch break.
12A. Someone prone to hugging; physically clingy (crass).
Jacqueline sighed and filled out her nickname from school; CUDDLESLUT fit the boxes perfectly. So she was a hugger, so what? Although her friends used the term affectionately, there was still the implication that too much hugging was a bad thing. And she'd certainly resisted her urges around Troy. Maybe he if he'd be less of a creep she'd be a little more openly affectionate around him, too. It was stressful living with someone you didn't want to platonically snuggle up with because of how repulsive their habits were. That's why she used a body pillow even while watching TV on the couch.
12D. A slight, slender young woman.
She shrugged her tiny shoulders and wrote WAIF into the four boxes hanging from the W in yellow. She used to get called that before her chest kept growing after the rest of her stopped.
13A. Pizza crust style, bottom-heavy girls (non-standard spelling).
Well, obviously there was going to be a second C in EXTRATHICC. It was Troy who wrote this, after all, and she often caught him ogling her lush lower curves. What kind of audience was this puzzle intended for? That didn't seem to fit with most of the other solutions. Except for being about her, naturally. She really doubted he'd actually sold this puzzle to any publisher.
13D. A woman whose profession keeps her indoors; a fetish popular in Japan.
Okay, this was outside of both her familiarity and her comfort zone. Who asks about fetishes in a crossword puzzle? But given the crossovers, the number of boxes, and taking into account that Troy seemed to make this puzzle all about her, Jacqueline wrote in OFFICELADY. She didn't know that was a fetish; maybe that explained why some of the guys at work seemed extra pleased to be around so many working women. She didn't know if she qualified as one, but... well, she sometimes did have naughty fantasies of inappropriate workplace behavior with her coworkers. She got all warm and tingly thinking about intimate conversations turning hot and heavy with Keisha (billing) or a hypothetical run-in with Martin (supervisor of a different department) in the copy room alone together... Not that Troy was ever allowed to learn that, of course.
14A. Having the quality of elegance and poise.
Simple enough. GRACEFUL. Another thing people had often told her about herself, though she doubted it. Really she was just trying to stay out of everyone's way by not throwing her body around like a ragdoll.
14D. Slang for "anthropomorphic"; used in the furry community.
Hrmph. Jacqueline wasn't part of that community no matter how much they wanted her to be. Something about her yellow skin, pink hair, and especially her tail drew them to her whenever she made the mistake of using an IRL photo for an online profile. Even a couple of her coworkers had broached the topic and were disappointed to learn she wanted nothing to do with that stuff. So it was with mild annoyance that she wrote the shorthand ANTHRO into the boxes.
15A. A small breed of horse.
Jacqueline flicked an ear. Of course she knew this one, being part PONY herself. What was Troy angling at, here?
15D. Derogatory term for a woman with insatiable sexual appetites.
It started with N from pony. She sighed her heaviest sigh yet. Troy's intrusive interest into her sex life was a huge part of the reason he never even came close to getting any with her, forcing her to take care of her own needs several times a day. Of course he'd put that word in front of her! She resolved to kick him out of the apartment regardless of rent, just for making her write the insult people slung at her back in college; NYMPHO.
16A. "_____ ____, happy life."
A phrase she'd heard often enough. She hoped it was true! She bit her lip while examining the plain, gold band on her slender finger; the smaller twin to the one on Troy's. It wasn't fancy, but it was the most beautiful symbol of her and Troy's relationship. All the more because she knew how little money he'd had to buy it with; it was both engagement and wedding ring, of necessity. But she loved it so much that any time he mentioned buying her another one, she made sure he understood how happy marriage could be just by 'spending time together.' Hehehe! So she affirmed the old rhyme by writing HAPPYWIFE in the spaces provided.
This puzzle was such a sweet gesture! Maybe it was because he felt guilty about leaving the laundry out, or drinking from the carton every once in a while? Aww, that was no bother! Just part of his casual charm, in her opinion. She didn't mind tidying up a bit, nor their 'indirect kisses' via milk container. She hoped her application was accepted by HR. The pay bump from going to supervisor would let them keep their cozy little apartment, and Troy wouldn't have to find a job that might keep him from being there when she got home in the evenings. Now it was time for the last clue.
16D. Write your name here.
She looked at the 10 boxes provided, including the Y from girly at the end. But it was obvious, wasn't it? And this confirmed the puzzle was meant to show his appreciation for her! FLUTTERSHY signed her name in the boxes with a playful flourish and turned to give it to her husband.
"Thank you, honey! That was so thoughtful!" she gushed effusively while wrapping her arms around Troy to pull him in for a nice, tight hug.
"So you like it, then?" he asked, sounding less than confident.
"Of course! I love it! It's so cute and sweet and just totally you," she giggled, nuzzling him cheek-to-cheek before giving him a little smooch. "Mmmm, way to make my day," she said, basking in Troy's familiar scent, his warmth, and feeling his hands come to rest gently on the small of her back. Woof! If they didn't separate, she might not be able to control herself! After pulling out of the hug, she asked him the question that'd been on her mind. "Be honest, you didn't really sell this puzzle to a publisher, did you?"
"Heh, well, no... it was just for you..." Troy said, blushing and stammering like the cutie he was. "Um, sorry about lying to you, babe. About the rent, I mean."
"Aw, don't worry sweetheart!" Fluttershy said soothingly, taking his bigger hands in her more slender ones and rubbing them against her cheeks. "If I get this promotion we won't have to worry about it."
"Yeah," Troy said as he looked into her big, happy, turquoise eyes and was reassured by the love shining out of them. "Yeah, uh, I guess we won't. I just-"
"Shhhh," she said, putting a finger on his lips. "I said don't worry about it. Now why don't you go wait for me like a good little stay-at-home hubby? If it's good news, I'll be sure to give you a proper celebration," she said with a little naughtiness to her tone. "And if it's bad news, well, I'm going to need someone big and strong there to hold me and stroke me and make me feel all better, won't I?" Ooo, that got him smiling! She giggled again and reached over to pick up her briefcase. "Well, time for me to get-"
"Wait!" Troy said suddenly. "Hold that pose! Let me get a picture of you just like that to tide me over until I get the news tonight." He pulled out his phone and knelt way down, angling up at her cushy rear from below. She couldn't help but smile, loving how crazy he was about her all the time. If they weren't such a happy couple it would almost be creepy.
