Apple Hospitality

Well shit. You're lost.

After apologizing to the poor stallion you knocked over, you couldn't see Applejack anywhere and nopony would answer you when you tried asking which way she went. You thought maybe her galloping would leave marks in the path, but there's way too many hoofprints to tell trot from canter. So, despite your sore muscles, you tried to run in the direction you saw her turn out the door and just hoped she stayed to the main path.

You're mostly worried about her emotions running wild, but you're also concerned she'll hurt her fetlock even worse. Unfortunately, either she didn't stay on the path or she kept running a lot longer than you. And as it turns out, Ponyville is a lot bigger than you thought, and yeah...

Now you're lost.

Exhausted, you try asking a couple ponies for directions, but they just hurry past or turn and trot nervously away. You keep trying, but after about the twentieth pony scurries off without a word, you groan and flop onto a nearby bench to try and catch your breath.

So what the hell do you do now?

You could just sit here and hope a pony who already knows you will pass by. That'd be Rarity, Twilight, Pinkie, one of the Apples, or one of the Crusaders... not very likely.

You hop up again and start walking down the main road, looking between and over houses, trying to spot Twilight's castle. You must be in a dense residential area because the houses around you are packed pretty close together. Eventually a space opens up and you catch a glimpse of the castle in the distance. Way in the distance, much further than you expected.

You turn down the first road that heads roughly in that direction, and now that you're not desperately trying to find the castle, you pay a little more attention to your surroundings. As you walk down the path, most ponies simply ignore you, some eye you warily, a few hastily step inside and shut the door.

You sigh inwardly and keep winding through the streets, trying to keep yourself pointed towards the castle, but none of the roads are straight and most don't even intersect at right angles. You keep walking for some time, but somehow the houses never seem to look any different.

As you approach another little plaza between some houses--or possibly the same one you've already passed several times--you slump into a bench.

So yeah. What the hell do you do now?

You wake up with a jolt. The sun hadn't moved of course, so you've no idea how long you slept. Could have sworn you heard something though...

With a loud whoosh, something slams into the ground before you, spraying you with dirt and making you flinch. As you cough and brush the dirt from your face, you hear a rough mare's voice laugh excitedly.

"Aw YEAH! Twilight thought she could find you first? AS IF!"

You open your eyes to see a blue pegasus with a multi-colored mane and tail. "Oh! Hey, you must be... Rainbow, right? Rainbow Fast or something?"

"Rainbow Dash, and don't you forget it, 'cause I'm the one that just saved your monkey hide!"

She leaps into the air and prances in place a little, then suddenly looks down at you and says, "The hay are you even doing way over here anyway?"

You groan and stand up, bringing your head up to her height, "Well, I was looking for Applejack, but this 'little town' is a lot bigger than I thought and... I got lost."

"Ha! You're gonna have to learn your way around quick, I won't always be here to save you!" She waves a hoof, "Come on, pokey! Let's go!" She flies off and whips around a corner, leaving a rainbow streak in the air behind her.

"H-Hey! WAIT!"

You run haggardly after the rainbow streak, but it fades rapidly. Still, you're pretty sure it went this-

"WHAAA-"

A blue blur slams into your chest and you fall heavily onto your back. "Uhhgh... what--"

"What the buck was that, Anon!?" Rainbow Dash is standing over you, looking furious, "I just sprained my wing 'cause of you!"

"What? Because of ME?"

She knocks your forehead with a hoof, "Yeah, doy. You just ran right into me!"

You shove her hoof away, "Bullshit, you're the one who slammed into my chest at mach one!" She snorts and steps back as you stand up and add, "Can you not fly off way faster than I can run this time so I can actually follow you?"

She stomps a hoof and snorts, "I can't fly at all now, you jerk! I gotta wait for this wing to heal! What am I gonna tell the Wonderbolts?"

"Ain't my fault you flew away and back so fast you couldn't even see where you were going."

She groans and spins around, whipping you with her tail, "Come on, dummy. Let's get you back to somepony you haven't hurt yet." She sneers over her shoulders and adds, "Oh wait, you hurt her too, didn'cha?"

You scowl and say, "The fuck is your problem?" But she just smirks and gallops away, leaving you shouting after her, "Hey! Don't fucking leave me again!"

"Keep up, monkey!"

You roll your eyes and groan. As annoying as she is, she's probably your only way home. It's strange though... Applejack always said Rainbow Dash is fun to hang out with.

You chase her at a light jog, wincing at the angry burning in your legs. Hopefully this is fast enough, because if you try and push any faster, your legs might just shut down completely. You catch up to her at a corner, but she smirks again and takes off at a gallop just as you start to slow down.

"Wait, dammit!"

"Show me whatcha got!"

She vanishes down a side path and you jog wobbly toward it. Turning the corner, you see her already sitting at the far end of the road, lounging as if she's already been waiting there for an hour. You're already out of breath and your legs are burning fiercely.

As you get close again, she rolls her eyes and whines, "Come oooonnn, is that the best you can do?"

"I'm supposed to be taking it easy to heal, dammit."

"Ugh! Alright fine, c'mon."

She hops up and trots lazily away, keeping just barely ahead of you and occasionally flicking her tail in your direction.

You try to ignore her and pay attention to where you're going. You turn down a couple more roads but they still all look identical. You just can't make heads or tails of the pattern in the roads, it's all nonsense to you. Your sense of direction is totally screwed up--you don't even know which way to Twilight's Castle anymore.

Abruptly you realize that she has been slowly accelerating and you've been subconsciously matching her speed until you're nearly at a full sprint. Your legs feel like you're waist deep in molten lava.

You stop immediately and Rainbow Dash skids to a stop and spins around, "Hey, what gives! You were starting to do pretty good."

You collapse to the ground, gasping for breath, "Fuck off... making me... run faster..."

"Ah come on, exercise is good for you! Nothing better for sore muscles than working 'em twice as hard the next day."

"You're insane."

She lunges and whips around behind you, shoving both hooves hard into your back and shouting, "Up!"

"What the--" You lurch forward and your face thuds into the ground. You push yourself up and spit out some dirt, "FUCK is your problem!?"

"Well obviously, you're too slow! Get moving ya lazy bum."

You scoot to the side and press your back against the wall of a house, "I'm sitting right here... until I have my breath back."

"Yeah, okay."

She walks up and sits down as close as possible, her forelegs actually pressing into your thigh near your butt.

You raise an eyebrow and ask, "What are you--" She heaves and tosses you into the air, "--doaaAAAH!"

Scrambling to catch yourself, you flail your limbs wildly, then are surprised to find yourself abruptly standing on your feet. She somehow threw you exactly up to standing height.

A hoof shoves into your lower back again.

"MOVE!"

"Jesus!"

You lurch forward, catch yourself, then spin around to see her wearing that stupid smirk again.

"No!"

You sit back down again.

"You can fuck right off and fetch Applejack or Twilight, I'm not taking another step with you."

She tries to lunge forward and get her forehooves under you again, but you put a hand on her chest and hold her back. She responds by simply pressing her chest against your hand harder and harder, growling faintly with the effort. Quickly realizing she'll overpower you, you change tactics and suddenly slip your hand under her. She lurches forward with a yelp and you lift between her forelegs, grabbing a hind hoof with your other hand, and you toss her over your shoulder--thank god ponies are so light.

You look behind you to see her wings snap open as she rights herself. She lands and whips around, lunging at you again, and you throw yourself to the side, pulling your legs out of the way just as she gallops past. As she spins around again, you scoot back frantically against the house and shout, "Why are you doing this!?"

She doesn't answer and charges you again, nostrils flaring, ears pinned straight back, teeth bared. You'd never seen a pony angry before, but you guess that's what it looks like.

You curl up and try to protect your head with your arms, tensing and bracing for a tackle or hoofblows. Some small part of you notices that you are shaking slightly.

Then you realize nothing has happened yet.

You wait another couple of seconds, then slowly, cautiously, you look up.

Rainbow Dash is sitting right in front of you with a nervous, almost apologetic smile. You sit up again and slump back against the house, panting heavily.

"The fuck...?"

Rainbow Dash paws the ground lightly, looking uncomfortable, and says quietly, "Yeah, so... sorry about that, Anon. Really. It was... I guess you'd call it a test."

"The FUCK?"

"Yeah... wanted to see how you responded to stress, anger, attacks... you know."

"Why do you even care?"

"Oh I don't, it was Twi's idea."

"Twilight's.... the fuuuuck."

You can't even think of more creative swears. You rub your eyes, then take a deep breath and look at her.

"Explain. Please."

She grimaces and shuffles her wings, "I, uh, don't really know the specifics, you'll have to ask her about that." She looks sad as she lightly touches your knee with a hoof. "See, it's like this... Twi told me I had to be really mean and try to push you over the edge, see if you'd get mean or violent back. Said to stop before it got too serious. AJ says you're a good person and I trust her, but Twi promised doing this was important and... well, I trust her too."

You feel like your head was just put through a blender. She withdraws her hoof and turns away, looking pretty upset.

"I'm really sorry we had to meet like that... I told Twilight you'd hate me 'cause we've never met, but she said it had to be me because we've never met."

She turns back to you, her tail twitching nervously, "But, like... I swear I'm not like this normally. Do you think we could maybe start over? Do it for real this time?" She gives you a small, hopeful smile, and holds out a hoof, ears perked forward. "Hey, I'm Rainbow Dash. I'm pretty awesome, I hear you're pretty awesome, and I've actually been kinda stoked to meet you for a while."

You're still reeling from this emotional rollercoaster and just stare at her, mouth hung slightly open. You rub your face with both hands and take a deep breath. When you drop your hands and look at her again, she wiggles her hoof and whines, "Come on... you're not gonna leave me hanging, right?"

You take another deep breath, your heart still pounding madly, then you lift your hand and bump her hoof with your fist.

She looks down, curls her hoof, and faintly whispers, "Yes!"

"I'm..." you swallow hard, trying to ease your dry throat, "Well, I'm Anon. I'm a human... AJ said good things about you. I was looking forward to meeting you..."

Her ears droop again, "Was?"

You drop your head in your hands and exclaim, "Fuck! Just... give me a second, alright?"

Concentrate on your breathing, Anon. Just sit here and breathe for a moment.

You hear a faint rustle and something brushes your shoulders. You turn your head to look and blue feathers fill your vision. Startled, you bolt upright and Rainbow Dash's wing instantly folds up.

"S-Sorry! I just... it always helps Fluttershy when she's freaking out."

Yet again, you take a deep breath to try and calm your heart.

"It's... fine. Just surprised me.

You slump back against the house and try to relax. She tentatively extends a wing again, reaching out with more confidence when you don't react. She scoots a little closer and the feathers envelop your side like a downy blanket. Her wing is soft, fluffy, and surprisingly warm.

You immediately begin feeling better and some tension releases in your shoulders. You lay your head back against the house and close your eyes, your heart rate finally settling down. This is seriously cozy.

In fact...

You jolt upright. Again.

"Helloooo? Anypony there?"

You look around, confused.

"Welcome back," Rainbow Dash says, "Jeez, not even I can fall asleep that fast." She's smirking again.

You arch your back and yawn, then mumble, "Sorry... I was already sore and tired before that damn chase, now I'm completely exhausted."

She grimaces, "Sorry again about that..."

"Yeah, well. Sorry about spraining your wing, I guess."

Her grimace gets even worse, "Oh, uh... my wing's fine, actually. Just part of the act."

You sigh, "Look, don't beat yourself up about it. I... I don't blame you." She tilts her head, ears perked up. "I'm gonna have some serious fucking questions for Twilight later, but you were just doing what she told you."

"So... we're cool?"

"I mean..." you let out a little sigh, "That was one hell of a first impression. I don't think I can forgive you just like that, but... I'm willing to try and work past it."

"Well, I guess that's probably better than I deserve." She sighs as well, then grins and holds out a hoof to help you up, "C'mon dummy, let's go."

"Ooh, ooh! And over here is where Applejack's grandsire lives!"

You look down at Dash in disbelief, "What, Granny's ex-husband?"

She looks up at you, stunned, then guffaws so hard so almost falls over--which of course means you almost fall over since she's helping you walk. Your legs are not happy.

"No no no, hay no! Granny is Bright Mac's dam, but Grand Pear is Pear Butter's sire." She chuckles some more, then clarifies, "They hated each other when they were younger. Grand Pear only just recently came back to Ponyville."

"What-"

"Don't ask me, it's her story to tell."

"Uh... alrighty."

You've been hobbling along and leaning on Rainbow Dash for what feels like ages. Fortunately, she's a lot more fun to be around when she's not actively being as mean as possible.

The two of you turn a corner and abruptly the road opens up ahead of you.

"And here we are!" Dash says happily, "Out of the housing district, back into shopping central, Rarity's third favorite place in Equestria."

"Third?"

"Her boutique and the spa, of course."

You laugh, then groan at the pain that shoots through your abdomen, "I told you to quit making me laugh!"

"Just quit laughing, dummy!"

You flick her ear with your free hand and she jerks her head away violently, "H-Hey, don't do that!"

"Why not?" Your hand chases her head and you scratch her ear with one fingertip. her entire neck tenses up and the ear twitches madly.

"Stop it! I... I'll drop you, I swear!"

"Daaaaash, are you ticklish?"

She whinnies, "NO!"

You try to contain the giggles bubbling up inside you as you tickle her ear. She shakes her head violently then stops dead, dropping flat on the ground.

"Wh-OOF"

You slam forward into the ground like your legs aren't even there. Rainbow Dash's worried face fills the half of your vision that isn't dirt.

"Omigosh Anon! Are you okay? I didn't think you'd actually fall like that!"

You groan loudly and slowly lift your face off the ground, "Fuck... you..."

She sighs and sits down, "Yeah you're okay."

You laugh, cough, then groan in pain again, "Help me up, you asshole."

"Promise you won't tell!"

"Huh? Tell what?"

She looks around nervously, then leans close and whispers in your face, "That I'm ticklish!"

Her dead serious expression makes you bust out laughing again... then groan in pain again.

She continues whispering urgently, "I'm serious Anon, this is important! Do you have any idea what would happen if Pinkie found out?" Still trying not to laugh, you shake your head and she continues, "It'd be a disaster! She'd attack me literally every single time we met!"

"Sounds terrifying!"

She lays down in front of you, her ears flat, her eyes huge, "Anon, please! I'm begging you!"

Still lying on the ground, you reach up and ruffle her mane and say, "You're not as good at that face as Apple Bloom, but... fine, I promise."

She beams and shoves a hoof under your arm to help you up. As you two stand, you hear Twilight call out, "There you are!"

She glides over and lands in front of you, "Honestly Anon, if I have to put a magical tracker on--

"Where's Applejack?" You interrupt coldly.

If Twilight is annoyed by your interruption, she doesn't show it. Not that you would care very much if you did annoy her. You have quite a lot to say to the Princess of Friendship, but you're still thinking about exactly how you want to approach the subject. Applejack is more important right now anyways.

Twilight turns to face Rainbow Dash, "Take him to Applejack please? She hasn't moved since you last saw her. Afterwards, can you please meet me at the castle? I could use your help."

"Kay"

Twilight flies away without another word. You lean on Rainbow Dash as she silently helps you across the plaza and around the corner of the building. Applejack is sitting on a little mat in a cozy looking alley between the Hayburger and the shop next to it.

She look up at the sound of hoofsteps and her face lights up when she sees you, "Anon! Wallop my withers, you've been missin' for hours! What happened?"

Dash opens her mouth but you tap her neck and shake your head when she looks back at you. "Let's talk about it tomorrow," you say to Applejack, "I'm exhausted. Can we just go home, AJ?"

Rainbow Dash brightens, "Do you want some help? I wanna help!"

"Doesn't Twilight need your help?"

Rainbow Dash rolls her eyes, "She just wants me to report in after that little stunt earlier. It can wait. I just..." She paws at the ground uncomfortably, "I wanna make this right."

You smile and ruffle her mane, "I appreciate it, Dash, but it's okay. I hope we can hang out again soon."

Her eyes light up, "Really?"

"Really."

She eases you to the ground, then steps back and rustles her wings, "You really are awesome, Anon. No way I'd be nice to somepony that did what I did."

"It's not that I'm being nice, it's that I don't blame you."

She rubs her head and blushes slightly, "Yeah, well... whatever. I'll leave you two alone. See ya!"

She zooms off rapidly and Applejack looks at you curiously, but does not press for details as she approaches. You lay a hand on her withers and ask, "So... are you okay?"

She smiles sadly, "More or less, I 'spose."

"You didn't hurt your leg, did you?"

"No, should be fine. I only galloped right 'round the corner here to sit down for a breather."

You suppress the urge to groan. All that trouble you went through, and turns out she only ran twenty feet.

Applejack continues, "Rarity musta gone an' fetched Twilight 'cause she popped on over here not long after. I was still pretty upset an' I reckon I wasn't makin' a whole lotta sense." She sighs, "I think she mighta got the wrong idea an' thought I was upset 'cause of somethin' you did. She got all flustered, then she got angry, then flew off at top speed 'fore I could stop her."

"Yeah... I don't really want to talk about it right now." Applejack looks concerned but you shake your head, "Don't worry, it's not that bad. What's important is I was running around and just about killed my legs, so we're gonna have to hobble around together."

She groans, "The hay were you runnin' for?"

You grimace, "Please... I'll explain later. Just... not now, alright?"

She gives you a long stare, then sighs in resignation, "Alright, well... guess we oughta get goin' then. It's gonna take us ages to get back to the farm. Wait 'ere a tick." She slowly walks down the alley looking this way and that, then turns out of sight. When she returns a moment later, she's carrying a fallen tree branch in her mouth. You give her a questioning look but she just sits down and rapidly strips it of leaves and twigs, tossing the debris into bushes along the alley.

Moments later, she passes you a knobbly walking stick and you say, "Oh, right. 'Cause of your cast."

She nods, "C'mon, up ya get."

You grab her good hoof and she helps you to her feet without even needing to stand up. You stand shakily and carefully put some weight on the stick. It seems sturdy enough.

Applejack stands up on your other side.

"We're gonna have to match strides," you say.

"Eyup."