6. Steamboat Fillie

The kids all felt a slight zap go through their bodies as they began to wake up. Before they could open their eyes, they all found themselves plopping onto the ground as if they had fallen several feet. Upon falling, there was a percussion bang sound effect. They groaned as they heard the sound of birds tweeting around their heads. The tweeting faded away and they opened their eyes to see no colors before them.

The entire world they were in was grayscale and had tiny specks around them that blipped in and out like film grain from old movies. All of the plant life and even animals were shaped differently. The trees and flowers had faces and were slightly anthropomorphic. Most of them were humming, whistling and dancing in a life-like manner. Even the sun and clouds had faces. Flurry thought she was in a theater showing an old black and white film, but as she turned her head, she noticed it was all around her. She then looked down at her hooves and noticed something radically different. She too had no color anywhere on her body. Her hooves were a separate color from the rest of her legs, which were bending in a curve rather than an angle. It was almost as if she had no bones. Her body was also perfectly round and her neck was as thin as her legs. She wasn’t able to see her face, but she was sure she knew what it looked like once she turned to look at all her friends. Their eyes were large, black, vertical ovals with a triangular pie-cut on the outside. Their snouts were bigger and rounder than normal as were their ears. Even their cutie marks looked different and were more simplified. They all resembled old animated characters drawn in a ‘rubber-hose’ cartoon style. Only Cozy Glow was missing.

“Pou…Pound? Pumpkin?! WHAT HAPPENED TO US?!” she screeched in a voice that sounded like it was recorded on old phonographic equipment.

They all turned their heads around and jumped in surprise at the sight of one another. Tiny lines flew out of their heads to show surprise, accompanied by musical sound effects. Every expression they made looked exactly like it would in such a cartoon.

“Flurry? Is that you?!” shouted Pound.

“What the hay? Where are we?” Stormy squawked, flapping his tiny wings and zooming around to observe the land they were in.

“Whoa! Are we in one of those old-school cartoons our grandparents grew up on? That’s kinda cool!” exclaimed Pumpkin, who was already amused with everything.

“Why…why are we here? How do we get out of this place?” asked Annie, trembling at the sight of everything.

“It’ll be fine, Annie. This is obviously some crazy dream,” Chip told her.

“Yeah, you know what they say: if you bite yourself, you’ll wake up!” Stormy said, biting one of his front legs. “OW! There see? We’re…still here…”

Everyone looked as nothing happened to Stormy. He was still in the air flapping his wings and the strange monochromatic environment persisted around them.

“I don’t think that’s how it works, Storm,” Pound said.

“That’s weird. They always say that works in cartoons.”

“That’s cuz they only say that in cartoons, silly,” Pumpkin jested.

“Well how do we get out of this place?” asked Flurry, “I’m pretty sure we weren’t just sent here or anything, so it’s gotta be a dream. Even so, it feels too real to be a dream, but it looks so radically different. Also, where’s Cozy Glow?”

“That’s a good question,” Pound said, looking around.

“Maybe she’s not asleep like the rest of us,” Chip said, stroking his chin. “Well anyway, maybe we could just go with it? Like just hang around and see if we eventually wake up?”

“That might be the only option. We can’t just keep biting ourselves,” said Pound.

“Guys, look! There’s Ponyville!” Pumpkin said as everyone raced to a nearby hilltop she was on.

They all looked out to see a stylized version of Ponyville, drawn like an old cartoon while still staying true to the overall structures of the buildings. The clock tower struck nine o’clock, but instead of ringing like it normally would, it came to life and grew a face and arms. It yawned and stretched, then cleared its throat to speak.

“It’s nine o’clock, folks! Time to open all the businesses and wake the kids up! So begins another day in Ponyville!”

The clock tower then went back to normal. Ponies all took notice of the time and came outside to begin their day. The ponies in the town all looked just like the kids with the same pie-cut eyes, loopy legs and circular bodies. Some bobbed up and down and whistled just like the plants Flurry saw earlier, while others walked about, doing normal things that were expected in Ponyville. Right now, everything seemed fine to the kids.

“Well, Ponyville looks like it’s doing alright,” said Pound.

“Yeah, no villains trying to ruin things,” Pumpkin added.

“Just a goofy clock tower,” said Chip.

“I kind of like it now that I see it,” Annie said, smiling.

“Annie’s right,” Flurry said. “I could get used to this for now.”

“Bleh. Why couldn’t we be in one of those really cool action cartoons with the explosions and the monsters and stuff?” Stormy whined.

“Stormy, have you seen any old cartoons? There’s plenty of action in them too!” Pumpkin responded.

“Yeah, but not as cool.”

“Well I say we go down town and just have some fun,” Flurry said, taking flight. “Maybe we’ll figure out how to get back home, but we might as well make the best of it for now.”

Everyone nodded in agreement and followed Flurry into Ponyville. As they left, a shadow lurked in the bushes, spying on the children. Behind the bushes stood a tall silhouette of a creature with curly horns. He laughed in a maniacal cartoonish manner and rubbed his hands together. He then shrank back down into the bushes and crept along where no one would see him.

As the children walked around, the townsfolk greeted them by saying “good morning” as if they were singing a song. The kids were having so much fun, they had already forgotten about their fight they had earlier in the real world. Since they all figured this was a dream, they thought perhaps each of them was only a character in their dreams and not the actual pony they knew in real life. Therefore, there was no need to bring up what had happened earlier. The positive and cheerful atmosphere had already gotten most of them to forget it anyway.

“Well this place sure is fun!” Pumpkin said, happily.

“Yeah, it’s hard to believe it’s not real. It feels so real being here,” Chip added.

“How is that possible though?” Flurry asked. “Like…if it’s not a dream, how did we get here? Did someone cast a spell on us?”

“Who cares, Flurry? At least everyone here is nice!” Pumpkin said, bouncing right next to Flurry.

“I still prefer the cooler cartoons, but at least I’m still fast!” Stormy said before zooming around, leaving little white puffs behind him.

As Stormy raced around, he caused some ponies’ hats to fly off and some flowers to lose their petals. They shook their fists at him and mumbled in incoherent gibberish as the kids all laughed. Their laughing was suddenly interrupted by a loud scream. They looked to the side to see a female shop owner run out of a building, shouting to warn everyone.

“Help! Help! That ugly old ram is up to his old tricks again! He stole all my money!” she yelped.

“What?! Why that no-good, double-crossing, snaggle-toothed, son of a one-eyed goat!” said a male pony in front of her.

“Quick! Somepony call the constable!” shouted another female pony.

Nearby was a large stallion pulling a cart with a wailing siren and light. It stopped abruptly and separated from its wheels until it landed back down, causing the whole cart to squish and then return to its normal shape. Several police officer stallions walked out accompanied by a detective. The detective pulled out a pipe and began to smoke it.

“What seems to be the trouble?” he asked the shop owner.

“Oh detective! Rascally Ram is at it again! He just made off with my earnings!”

“Rascally Ram, eh? So he has broken out of prison. He’s wanted for 1000 bits. Say no more, madam. I’ll figure this out!”

The detective took out a magnifying glass and walked into the shop to start his search, as the police looked around for any clues.

“Rascally Ram?” asked Flurry. “Who the hay is that?”

“Sounds like a villainous character from an old cartoon,” Pound answered.

“Should we keep an eye out for him?” Annie said, trembling.

“Hey guys! Come check this out!” Stormy said, pointing at something.

Everyone rushed over to see what Stormy was pointing at. They all got behind a hedgerow of bushes and peered over it. Not too far off was a bipedal, anthropomorphic creature. He had his head inside a huge bag with a dollar sign on it. As he searched the bag, he threw random vegetables out. They noticed he had fingers on the end of his arms and wore white gloves and patched overalls. He suddenly took his head out and the kids all saw that he was the same ram the townsfolk had spoken of earlier. He wore a bowler hat, had large curly horns, and pie-cut eyes like everyone else, only his were stretched horizontally to evoke ram pupils. He mumbled to himself as he tossed the vegetables.

“Vegetables?! Harrumph! Nasty old things! Away with you! Ah, there’s that sweet, cold, hard cash! Come to papa!”

The ram picked up a wad of cash and flicked through all the dollar bills while giggling. The kids all looked on nervously from behind the bushes.

“That must be Rascally Ram,” Flurry whispered.

“What do we do?” asked Annie.

“What do you think?” Pound responded. “We go tell the cops we found-hi-”

“I’VE GOT YOU, RASCALLY RAM!” shouted Stormy, zooming right over to he villain.

“And there goes Stormy again.”

Stormy flew by Rascally Ram and the wind caused his hat to come off and some of the money to fly away.

“NO! You little brat! Look what you’ve done to my money!” he growled.

Stormy tried to grab some of the bills, but Rascally Ram stretched out his arms and grabbed each one before it hit the ground. Stormy could not keep up with his hands and watched in confusion until all the bills were retrieved.

“Hey! That money doesn’t belong to you, Rascally Ram!” Flurry shouted as she and her friends all emerged from the hedge.

“Listen you petulant, peevish, problem-producing ponies, all the money in this town belongs only to one: RASCALLY RAM! Now leave me to my revelry!” he barked at the kids.

“Don’t worry guys, I got him!” Stormy said, flying back down to Rascally Ram before being flicked away by one of his fingers.

“Hey! Leave Stormy alone!” Pumpkin hollered.

“Maybe your little loud-mouthed friend should try picking on someone his own size!”

Rascally Ram then took out a match, lit it and set fire to the grass in front of them. The fire came to life and split apart into several anthropomorphic fireballs with arms, legs and faces. They danced around and chased the kids back into the town, spreading all around and creating new fireballs. The townsfolk saw what was happening, but thankfully the fire brigade came right in time. A large fire engine with a face stopped at a lurch, causing the firefighter ponies to be launched out. They landed on their heads but bounced back on their legs and shook off the pain. They then used the hose to spread water to take out the fireballs. Large anthropomorphic water droplets emerged from the hose and chased after the fireballs, wrestling them to the ground and cuffing their hands. The townsfolk cheered for the firefighters and droplets as they took the fireballs into custody.

“Well so far we’ve had Rascally Ram return and then all of Ponyville nearly burnt down. This has been quite a day,” said the detective pony.

“Sir, we saw Rascally Ram! He was the one who started that fire!” said Flurry Heart.

“You saw him? Where did he scamper off to?”

“He went that way!” said Stormy as he pointed in the direction the villain had escaped in.

“Well what are we waiting for! Let’s get him, boys!”

The detective and cops all filed back into their cart and started the siren up again. The stallion in front reared and then pulled them along.

“Well that went from a 1 to a 10 real fast,” said Pound.

“Hey, we’re in an old comical cartoon. What do you expect, bro?” Pumpkin said, leaning on her brother.

“Maybe we should go help them out!” said Stormy.

“Stormy, it’s too dangerous,” Flurry replied.

“Well are we just gonna sit around and do nothing?” asked Pound.

“Yeah, let’s go see what’s happening at least!” Pumpkin added.

“Guys, I’m with Flurry on this. Maybe we should just stick around town and mind our own business,” Chip said.

“I agree,” Annie added.

“UGH! Come on guys! I wanna see more action in this boring cartoon world! If it’s a dream, can it even hurt us?” Stormy asked.

“Flurry come on, we’ll be fine,” Pound said.

“You think almost getting burnt alive is fine?” Flurry asked, angrily.

“I mean we’re probably just gonna run around with our butts on fire, find a pool of water, jump into it, cool off and then we’re back to normal. That always happens in cartoons,” Pumpkin explained.

“My point exactly.”

“Pound, this is all a bad idea!” Flurry shouted, pressing her nose against Pound’s as they both gritted their teeth.

Suddenly Flurry realized what she was doing and shrank back with a sad expression on her face. Pound looked concerned.

“Flurry?” he asked.

“Pound…we’re behaving just like we did in the real world earlier…when we all got in a big fight over Cue.”

“So you remember that?”

“How could I forget it? I really lost my temper back there. I’m surprised I managed to fall asleep so well. It was really eating me. I never got to say I’m sorry, but I really am.”

Pound hung his head and took a moment to think. He too felt bad over how he handled things earlier. This was now his chance to make up.

“I’m sorry too, Flurry. I shouldn’t have been so…hold on a minute. Do you guys all remember that too?”

“Mhm,” they all said in unison.

“So…if we all remember that happening, then that means you’re not all just figments of my own dream; you’re real! We’re all real and we’re here in the same dream!”

“Whoa. You have a point there, Pound! I didn’t think you guys were all quite the same pony I know in real life, so I just assumed you didn’t remember that,” Pumpkin added.

“So…do you guys think maybe that’s why we’re here now?” asked Flurry.

“What do you mean?” asked Pound.

“Well…think about it: we’re all supposed to be friends, but we behaved so selfishly and need to be taught a lesson. Perhaps someone is using magic to do this to us. Maybe it’s…maybe it’s Princess Luna! Maybe she’s using her dream powers to put us in a scenario where we have to work together and stop a villain! That’s the real reason why Cozy isn’t here: she didn’t fight like the rest of us!”

“Hey, that actually makes sense! Flurry, you’re a genius!” Chip said.

“Yeah, now that I think about it, I think that’s exactly why we’re here,” Annie added, nodding her head.

“Well where’s Princess Luna then?” Stormy asked, looking around.

“According to what I read in the Journal of Friendship, Luna usually wouldn’t reveal herself right away when she would visit some ponies in their dreams. Maybe she won’t show up until the time is right. Probably once we do something about Rascally Ram.”

“So then will you come with us to stop him, Flurry?” Pound said, offering her his hoof.

Flurry looked down at Pound’s hoof, smiled warmly and gave him a hug instead. Pound was surprised at first but quickly hugged her back. Everyone else joined in.

“Of course I’ll come with you, Pound,” she replied.

“And I forgive you for earlier. Can you forgive me?”

“Absolutely.”

“I’m sorry, Chip,” Stormy told Chip.

“I’m sorry too,” Chip responded, giving him a high five.

“I’m sorry, Pumpkin and I forgive you,” Annie told Pumpkin.

“Thanks, Annie! Yay! We’re all friends again!” Pumpkin squealed, giving Annie a hug.

“Alright guys, let’s all kick some ram behind!” Stormy asked them.

“YOU SAID IT!” they all replied in unison, running off into the forest.

Before long, the kids all found a clearing where Rascally Ram had tied up the detective and cops. He was laughing as he counted the dollar bills and lit a match to put in the detective’s pipe. Before he could start smoking the pipe, it was blasted out of his hand. He looked to the side to see Flurry Heart had just fired the blast. She was with all her friends.

“We’ve got you now, Rascally Ram!” she called.

“Why you little bumbling, bothersome, bottle-sucking babies!” he grumbled. “Just who do you think you are, following me like this?!”

“We know you’re not real and we’re being tested, so we’ve all decided to work together to stop you!”

“That’s right! We may have fought before, but we’re friends again and we’re ready to do what’s right!” Pound added.

“Yeah, and Princess Luna will be proud of us when we all learn our lesson and stand up to you!” Stormy said.

Rascally Ram then widened his eyes and stared for a second before falling backwards in hysteria, laughing. Tears flew out of his eyes as he kicked his legs and pounded the ground with one of his fists.

“Hey, what’s so funny?” Pumpkin asked.

“You actually think this is all Princess Luna’s doing?” he asked, wiping a tear from his eye and getting back up.

“Huh?” they all asked.

Rascally Ram had a black, smokey aura around him. As he spoke, his voice sounded deeper and more monstrous.

“You foolish children. I am the one who called you here. I thought we’d all have some fun after your little fiasco.”

“Wait, YOU’RE the one doing this to us?!” Flurry shouted.

“Just who are you anyway?” Pound demanded.

Rascally Ram then cleared his throat and cracked his knuckles. The aura stopped and his voice went back to normal.

“Who am I? Why I’m Rascally Ram of course!”

“Flurry, have you ever heard of this guy in some history book?” Chip asked Flurry.

“No, I don’t believe so…unless…is this even his real form?”

“Enough questions, you little weasels!” said the deranged ram. “Take this!”

Rascally Ram then picked up a nearby barrel and hurled it at the kids. They all jumped just in time to avoid the barrel. Another barrel was thrown which they also avoided, but Chip and Annie landed on top of it. They ran against the barrel to avoid getting flattened by it, but were rescued by Pound and Flurry before it crashed into a nearby tree.

“That does it! I’m gonna teach this guy who’s boss!” Stormy said angrily.

Everyone watched as Stormy flew around Rascally Ram and created a tornado. Rascally Ram held onto a nearby tree to avoid being thrown off balance. He then grabbed the tornado as if it were a solid object. Using the tornado, he sucked Stormy into it along with all the other kids. He the swung the tornado around several times, until he pointed it to a nearby pond. They all splashed into the pond as Rascally Ram laughed. They emerged with lilli pads and frogs on their heads and spat water out.

“We’re not done yet!” Flurry said, firing another magic blast from her horn as Pumpkin lifted one of the barrels.

Rascally Ram held out his hand and stopped Flurry’s beam. The barrel then came crashing down on top of him. He went dizzy for a few seconds with tiny unicorns spinning around his head, but quickly shook off the pain. He then pulled a random giant mallet with a face out from behind his back.

“Where the hay did that come from?!” Chip asked.

“Eh, cartoon villains always do that. Oldest trick in the book,” Pumpkin said, flatly.

Rascally Ram then started smacking the mallet on the ground many times, as the kids avoided getting hit. After a few minutes, he ran out of breath and started huffing and puffing. Pound Cake then threw a random pie he managed to summon from behind him like Rascally Ram did. The pie splattered on his face, followed by several apples that Chip and Annie had found in a nearby tree. Rascally Ram stuck out his long tongue and licked up the pie and apples and then glared at them.

“Had enough yet?” Pound taunted.

“Oh I’m just getting started!” Rascally Ram said, pointing his finger at them and firing a small magic bullet.

The kids all dodged the bullets until he fired six big ones at once and hit them all at the same time, electrocuting them. Their skeletons blinked underneath their flesh repeatedly until they fell to the ground in a heap.

“AHAHAHA! That felt wonderful!” Rascally Ram cackled.

The kids all recollected themselves and watched as Rascally Ram turned around and spun his finger in a circle to open up a portal. Inside the portal was a swirling vortex that had colors. It was animated very differently from everything else in the rubberhose cartoon world they were still in, meaning this portal could lead to a different world. Leaving the money behind, Rascally Ram stepped inside and looked back to them. His voice returned to sounding deeper and the black aura appeared again.

“Well I think that’s enough of this world. I must admit: you ponies definitely have a taste for the theatrical with this ‘cartoon animation’. It amuses me, but I’m already growing tired of it. Perhaps it’s time we try a different style? I’ll be waiting for you! Hehehe…”

The kids all watched as Rascally Ram walked into the vortex and disappeared. Thankfully, the portal was still open for them to follow him.

“Come on! We have to follow him!” Flurry said, helping Pound up.

“She’s right! Come on guys!”

“Wait, hold on!” Stormy said.

Everyone watched as Stormy flew around and undid all the ropes that the cops and detective were bound by.

“I know you guys probably aren’t real, but I just thought I’d help out,” he said.

“Thanks, young lad,” said the detective. “Go now! Get that Rascally Ram for us!”

They all walked through the portal. As they entered, their bodies quickly returned to normal while still in the vortex, but they started glitching into other different art styles while screaming. Finally another portal opened up and they zoomed right through to enter the next level…