7. Retrovania: Return of the Ram

All the dragons listened carefully as Discord described the next scene for their Ogres and Oubliettes campaign. He spoke in a deep, spooky voice to help get them into the atmosphere of the fictional setting. It seemed to be working on everyone except Barb, Scorch and Singe.

“As you wander through the forest, you come across a fatally-wounded pobold soldier who gives you his final words and a dying wish: ‘The Squizard is in yonder tower, dear traveler. I cannot go on any longer. Avenge me!’ The path is set before you. What do you do?”

“What do you think?” Singe said, bombastically. “I go after that Squizard and kick his sorry tentacles!”

“Singe, wait!” cried Buttercream.

Discord rolled the die and got a result for ten. He had a cautious look on his face and consulted the player’s manual.

“Uh…okay, Singe. You get through the skeleton army but the Squizard smacks you with his tentacles back to whence you came and you lose half your health. I’d recommend not going after him as you’re not well equipped for it. If you do it now, you risk losing all health and leaving the game.”

“Oh. Oops,” Singe said, embarrassingly.

“That’s okay, Singe. It happens to the best of us on our first games,” said Lily, petting Pansy.

“Discord, what’s a pobold?” asked Barb.

“It’s a race of creatures in the game that are part pony part dragon in appearance.”

“So…kinda like kirins?”

“Well pobolds are mostly dragonlike in this game. They’re just as small as ponies and walk on all fours and have no wings. Kirins only have some scales and fire-based powers, but that’s it.”

“Interesting.”

“So we’re already where we need to be and we can’t even get to the Squizard guy yet?” Scorch asked.

“It’s definitely not a good idea to take on him right now, bro,” Spike explained. “Some of us more experienced players might be able to do it, but we want you guys to join us and we have a way better chance of beating him if all eight of us go.”

“Great, so we’re this close but we can’t even get him. Now what do we do?”

“You can always upgrade your character,” Billow said. “I can help with that once we get back into town, Scorch.”

“Thanks,” Scorch replied bashfully.

“Alright, Esteragon the Ranger, your turn now,” Discord told Aster.

Aster cleared his throat and prepared to speak in a heroic accent as if he was his character.

“I refuse to go any further and abandon my friends, so I sheathe my sword and signal for the others to do the same. I then look back to Wrathulu and utter these parting words: ‘Wrathulu, your reign of terror will come to an end, but it will not be today. My friends and I will be here to fight you again!’”

Discord rolled the dice and then picked up the manual.

“The Squizard laughs maniacally as his army joins him. The skeletons that Scaledron took down reanimate themselves and prepare to fortify the tower. You’re next, Lady Mandolina.”

Butter picked up an acoustic mandolin and began to play a forlorn but hopeful tune.

“I look to all my friends and tell them we’re weary from our travels, so we best take this time to rest and get some refreshments at the tavern. I play this song to instill them with optimism.”

“Nice mandolin, skills, Butter!” Spike complimented.

“Thanks! Got inspired to learn it after Nighty showed me how bards work in this game!”

Discord rolled the dice and got a promising result.

“The bard’s tune fills Scaledron with hope and he begins to heal, but it only gives him about twenty percent of his health back. You’re next, Garbunkle.”

“I cast a healing spell for my fallen comrade before we head back to the village,” Spike said.

“Alright, thankfully you got a result for eighteen, so Lady Ki-hana, would you like to help out?”

“Yes,” Lily replied. “I fill his health up completely using some of my own. I’ll recover it at the infirmary.”

“Thanks, Lily,” Singe said. “I don’t know what I was thinking back there.”

“So how long do we have to wait till we can take on this guy?” asked Barb.

“Until we all have enough energy to start a fight. We’re going to want to make sure we have one hundred percent health as well,” said Spike.

“This is gonna take forever,” Scorch said, leaning his head on his right claw.

“We’ll get there, big guy,” Billow said, putting her claw on his shoulder.

“The game’s still fun, right guys?” Butter asked them.

“It’s okay,” Barb said, nervously.

“I like it, it’s just hard to work with all these rules,” Singe replied.

“Eh…I guess,” Scorch said, flatly.

Spike and Buttercream exchanged nervous glances until she turned back to her siblings.

“Don’t worry, it’ll get a lot more interesting by the time we take on the Squizard. I promise!”

“Alright,” Discord said, reading from the manual, “The pobold guards welcome you back into town and one of the constables directs you to the nearest tavern. You’re greeted by an entourage of citizens that congratulate you on getting this far…”

As Discord continued his work as the OM, Spike looked out the window and saw the Harmony Clubhouse tree in the distance. It was well past bed time and the lights were turned off.

“Good. They went to sleep no problem,” he said to himself. “Hopefully they’re having sweet dreams.”

Meanwhile, inside the strange dream-like realm, Flurry and her friends all fell through Rascally Ram’s portal and felt another jolt go through their bodies. They saw a mosaic of strange, green tiles before them. They landed hard on it and blacked out for a brief second. Flurry opened her eyes and saw her own hoof was made of two-dimensional blocks. Although she now had color, her entire body and the world around her was made entirely of pixels. They had landed in an environment that resembled a retro side-scrolling video game. The world they were currently in was a typical outdoor level. Ahead of her were floating platforms with vegetation on top and rocks and earth on the bottom. Coming out of the ground were tall rectangular hills. In the distance were forests, mountains and some castle ruins with statues. They were likely still in Equestria since Canterlot could be seen in the distance. She gasped in a voice with 16-bit quality. Everyone else got up and looked around in shock. Their movements were jankier than the last world. While this world was still well-drawn in color with 2D pixels, Flurry wasn’t nearly as fond of it as the rubberhose cartoon world. Stormy, on the other hoof, was instantly blown away.

“YES!! I knew it! We’re in a video game now! This is the best place to be!” he said, flying up to random trees to observe them.

“Guys, why does this keep happening?” Annie asked, worriedly.

“And how do we get out of this place and back to the real world?” Chip asked.

“It’s Rascally Ram,” Pound said. “You heard what he said back there: Luna’s not guiding us through a dream. He’s the one who brought us here!”

“And how do we even know we’re dreaming at this point? Flurry, is he using magic on us from the real world?” Pumpkin asked Flurry.

“I don’t know, Pumpkin,” Flurry responded, rubbing her chin as a small word bubble appeared over her head with gears turning inside. “If he’s the one who brought us here as he claims…gosh. This is a really powerful magic that’s being cast on us right now. I think we’re in a sort of dreamscape realm similar to when somepony has a visit from Luna in their dreams. But if he’s brought us into this realm while we’re sleeping in the real world, that means Luna can’t rescue us. This doesn’t bode well.”

“Yeah, but at least we’re in a cool world! Check this out!” Stormy said before lifting a rock and throwing it at a wall as it crumbled.

“Whoa! Great job, Stormy!” Pumpkin cheered. “Had no idea you were that strong!”

“Anything is possible in a video game!”

“Hold on, what’s that thing you just uncovered from under the rock?” Chip asked.

Everyone walked over to where the rock used to be. In its place was a silver key with a red gem, spinning slowly above the ground.

“Oh, it’s a key! We’ll probably need it for some secret passage or something,” Pumpkin said.

“Well there’s one right over there, but it looks like we’ll need three keys to open it,” Pound added, pointing over to the side of a column of earth with a large decorative doorway in the side.

The door had three empty holes on it that were shaped like keys. Flurry picked up the key with her magic and walked over to the door. Before she could even put it in, the key immediately appeared right in one of the holes, surprising Flurry.

“Whoa! I didn’t even do anything!” she exclaimed.

“Flurr, come on! You need to get out more, girl! Everyone knows things in video games automatically move into place when you walk up to them!” Pumpkin teased.

“Alright, well I guess if it makes things easier. But what about the other keys?”

“Guys, I think I just found one right over here!” Annie called.

Everyone looked as Annie bucked a nearby tree. A key with a blue gem fell down and a 16-bit chime sounded.

“Wow, I didn’t know I had it in me!”

Annie tried to grab the key until a white strand of pixelated spider silk crept down and yanked the key away from her. Everyone looked up and saw a huge pixelated cyborg spider lower itself down from the sky. It shrieked and started moving around while shooting fireballs at them.

“That must be the first boss!” Stormy shouted.

“Boss? Boss of what?” asked Flurry.

“LET’S GET HIM, GUYS!”

The brave little colt flew right and left, hitting the spider and causing its entire body to flash on and off like a flickering light, indicating that it had been injured. The spider then covered up its eyes with its front legs and Stormy’s attack had no effect. He was then smacked by one of its legs and flew backwards while flashing.

“The eyes are the weak spot! Hit his eyes when he’s not covering them up,” shouted Pound as he took flight to prepare himself to do the same attack as Stormy.

The spider lowered itself to the ground and walked back and forth as energetic music began to play. Stormy and Pound did the flying attack on the spider when it had its eyes uncovered, while Flurry and Pumpkin shot magic blasts at its eyes. The spider learned quickly and started covering its eyes more often. It then shot four smaller spiders out of its abdomen to distract them. Flurry and Pumpkin blasted all the spiders quickly, but the spider kept repeating this method. There seemed to be no way to hurt it now that it had its eyes permanently covered, but Chip thought of something.

“If there’s one thing I’ve learned from some video game bosses, it’s to get them to fall over and they reveal a weak point! Everyone aim for the legs!” he shouted.

Everyone then began attacking the six remaining legs of the spider. The legs flashed and finally curved upward. When it was only standing on two legs, it lost its balance and fell down. The front legs moved to reveal its eyes again and it stayed put for a few seconds while everyone took the chance to attack its eyes. The eyes flashed on and off until the spider got back up and covered them again.

“So do we just keep doing that until it’s dead?” asked Flurry.

“Yup. That’s pretty much how a boss fight works,” Pound told her.

“Interesting. I’m actually liking how this battle is set up. I didn’t think video games could be this educational!”

“Told ya video games were awesome!” Stormy teased.

“Only question is: how long does it take to beat it? Like do we have to hit it a certain amount of times?”

“Check the health meter, silly!” Pumpkin said, pointing behind Flurry.

Flurry looked back to see a tube-like object floating around next to them. Two thirds of it were full of green pixels. Flurry quickly figured out what this represented.

“Oh. Of course. Silly me.”

The kids tried their technique several more times as the green pixels in the health meter turned yellow and then red as its health was depleted. They finally landed their last hits on the spider and it fell down with explosions animating all around it. The spider flashed dimmer and dimmer until it was completely consumed by the explosions and disappeared, leaving behind its large center eye and a treasure chest.

“Alright! We did it! Now what’s in this chest?” asked Flurry.

“Open it and see!” Pound said, excitedly.

Flurry opened up the chest and slowly took out the item inside. While she was doing this, some 16-bit music played, growing faster and higher to build up suspense. She then turned around and held up her hoof with the key floating a few pixels above it. The music turned into a triumphant little fanfare.

“I got the second key!” she shouted.

“Alright, Flurry!” Chip and Annie said in unison.

“Oh, hold on a second. This key has a green gem. What happened to the blue one that Annie found?”

“I got it!” Pumpkin called.

Everyone looked to see Pumpkin blasting open the remaining eyeball with her magic. The blue key appeared floating, as the eyeball left some pixelated slime on the ground that grew smaller until it disappeared.

“Pretty gross, but also pretty effective!” Flurry chimed.

Flurry and Pumpkin then placed the keys on the door. The door began to open slowly until it was shut again. The keys all disappeared and there were now six holes.

“What?!” Flurry asked.

“Oh come on! I hate when this happens in games!” Stormy whined.

The ground then began to shake and the sky darkened as thick clouds covered the sun. The kids all trembled as they heard the laugh of a dark and foreboding male voice.

“Hehehehe! AHAHAHAHA!”

“Wha-wha-what’s happening now?” Annie asked.

“Guys, look!” Pumpkin exclaimed, pointing to the sky.

Everyone looked as a tall figure with the face of a ram with curly horns levitated down in front of them. He was accompanied by bats with ram horns on their heads. They appeared around him and then fluttered away. The tall, imposing villain was now wearing more aristocratic attire. He was still anthropomorphic as he was standing on two legs and had digits on his upper extremities. This was likely Rascally Ram who had taken on a new form to fit the theme of the video game. His voice had changed as well. He now spoke in a loud arrogant tone like a typical villain in any video game.

“There he is!” shouted Flurry.

“What is this, Retrovania?” Stormy asked.

“So you little ones really did survive the jump into the next realm,” cackled the ram. “I must say I am impressed to see you beat my first minion so quickly.”

“Rascally Ram! What have you done?” Pound asked.

“Call me Count now, young leader. Count Aries Von Tambelon!”

“Just what do you want, Count Aries?!” Flurry demanded. “What did we do to you to make you do put us in here?”

“Yeah, and how do we get back? Not that there’s anything wrong with this cool world,” Stormy added.

“Oh you’re about to find out, little ones,” the dark ram responded. “Like I said, it’s impressive how you beat the first boss and found those three keys so quickly, but now it’s time to raise the stakes. Each of you must find six keys to that door. It leads to Canterlot, which I am about to transform into my castle. If you can make it to my lair and beat me in combat, you shall be awarded with the Easter Egg.”

“Easter Egg?” Flurry asked.

“It’s a video game thing,” Pound replied.

“Yeah, but will it unlock the 100% ending too?” asked Stormy.

“SILENCE!” shouted Count Aries. “Your journeys begin now!”

He then lifted both his hands and orbs of energy emitted from them. Everything around the kids flashed and then turned to dark. Flurry opened her eyes to see herself in a different level. It appeared to be castle ruins similar to the ones in the background of the last level, but there was one problem: the others were gone.

“Pound…Pumpkin? Stormy? Chip?! Annie?! Where are you guys?!” she shouted helplessly.

Count Aries had transported all six of them into their own individual levels where they would be challenged differently to complete tasks and achieve the keys. Flurry already suspected this villain had set traps and puzzles she could solve easily, but she worried what had happened to the others.

“I…I guess I’m on my own now. Alright, Count Aries, I don’t know if you can hear me, but I’m ready for whatever you’ve got coming my way! And I’m going to find my friends no matter what!”