They're Not Bugs, They're Features

by RunicTreetops

Canthus's Secret

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“Oh, that’s the bell.” Rarity looks up at a nearby clock, confirming that it is, in fact, the end of the school day. The sound of shuffling fills the classroom as all of the students therein begin packing their belongings. “Ah, before you all go, I have two announcements for you.” A number of students groan at the disruption preventing them from going home, but Rarity chooses to ignore them. “As I’m sure you are well aware, this semester’s field trip is next week. We apologize for the short notice, but there were some complications getting the details of the trip sorted out. Anyway, we are ready to announce both our destination and the chaperones.”

That gets the class's attention. Among the students present are Canthus and Terga, who eagerly await the reveal of their soon-to-be destination.

Ahem. This semester, we will be going to the Crystal Empire.”

A number of students begin to murmur at their teacher’s words. Terga, meanwhile, is unimpressed. She was hoping for something a little more exciting than some dusty old empire filled with particularly shiny ponies. However, her disappointment is quickly replaced with confusion when she glances at her brother. His eyes are practically sparkling, and he’s grinning from ear to ear.

“While we are still determining availability, the chaperones have mostly been decided. Most of the teaching staff here at the School of Friendship will be in attendance, substitutes included. On top of that, a number of parents and other volunteers that have previously consented to being chaperones were decided via a raffle. Among the winners are Mr. Tale, Ms. Filler, and Mrs. Chrysalis.”

The air in the room suddenly grows tense. A number of eyes dart towards Canthus and Terga, who themselves stare directly at each other. They remain almost completely frozen, not knowing quite what to do or say.

“Well, that is all. We’ll have more information for you on Monday. Have a nice weekend, everycreature!”

Rarity waves the class goodbye as she dips out of the classroom, followed closely by most of her students. It only takes a minute or two for the room to have almost completely cleared out, save for the two changeling children still frozen at their desks.

“...H-hey, Canthus?”

“Yeah?”

“Isn’t Princess Cadance the ruler of the Crystal Empire?”

“Yup. She’s a really nice mare, too.”

“Yeah, she… wait, how do you know that?”

“Uh… um…” Canthus fidgets in place for a moment as a bead of sweat begins to form on his brow. After a moment, he awkwardly clears his throat and speaks up once more, his voice cracking all the while. “I’ve been to the Empire quite a few times for my ‘Foreign Friendships’ class with Mrs. Pinkie Pie, remember?”

“And that led to you interacting with Princess Cadance?”

“Is that really so strange?”

“I… I guess not.” Terga shakes her head, deciding to just shrug it off. “Never mind, we’ve got bigger fish to fry! Mom can NOT go on this trip! It’d be a disaster!”

“I agree,” he responds, his voice now low and quiet. “‘Disaster’ would be an understatement.”

“...We should go discuss this with everyone at home.”

“Ugh. It’s about to be a long week, isn’t it?”


“I’m not going, and that’s final.”

Five changeling children let out a collective sigh of relief.

“Oh no, you’re not getting off that easy!”

Five changeling children let out a collective groan of frustration.

The family has gathered in the living room, as is typical of their meetings. While the children are all seated, Anon and Chrysalis continue to argue standing up in the middle of the room.

“I am not going anywhere near those pathetic fools! And we both know they want nothing to do with me as well!”

“Chryssi, don’t you get it? This is the perfect excuse to get on better terms with them!”

“Better terms?! I’ve made my mistakes already, Anon, and I’ve already apologized. I neither want nor need their forgiveness now.” She stutters for a moment as she tries to find the right words, but her countenance softens as she lets out a deep sigh instead. “And I don’t really deserve it, either.”

“Give them some more credit, Chryssi.” Anon lowers his voice, going from commanding and authoritative to calm and understanding. “They probably want to put everything behind them just as much as you do.”

“And why would they want that?”

“Don’t forget, Cadance is the Princess of Love. She’ll understand that you’ve changed. Heck, she probably already knows that. All it’ll take is a little nudge, and we’ll all be able to move forward.”

“I don’t think it’ll be that simple,” Canthus mutters under his breath so quietly that no one hears him.

“...Ugh. I really don’t want to do this.”

“I never said it’d be easy.”

“How would I even connect with her?”

“I dunno. Find some common ground, I guess?”

“What could we POSSIBLY have in common?!”

“Er, Mom? Dad? Sorry to interrupt, but we’re all still here.”

The two parents look down at Tarsus with confusion before Anon sheepishly smiles and rubs the back of his head.

“Oh, uh, haha. Sorry about that.” He clears his throat and straightens out his back, his typical smile returning to his face. “Anyway, it sounds like between your mother being chosen as a chaperone and myself being a substitute teacher, this field trip is going to turn into a little mini family vacation. I doubt we’ll see too much of each other though, haha!”

“Lovely,” Seta remarks in her usual sarcastic tone. “Our parents are going to be breathing down our necks during our whole trip. Great. I love that for us.”

“I’m just as happy about it as you are,” Chrysalis growls. “Believe me, there are plenty of things I’d rather do next week.”

“Be that as it may, the decision has been made. So!” Anon claps his hands together as his smile widens. “Who’s excited?!” The living room falls completely silent. “...Hooray!”


“Alright,” Anon shouts over the sea of the students. “That concludes the pre-set curriculum laid out for this trip. You all have the rest of the evening free to do as you please, but you must be back at the inn by 9:00! If you aren’t, you will be severely reprimanded! Dinner is being served in the lobby, but you’re free to eat elsewhere if you have the money.”

The students have mostly dispersed before he even finishes his thought, causing him to roll his eyes. It was a long day mostly filled with history lessons, though there were a few key points that piqued the students’ interest more than others. Spike showed up to give a briefing on the Empire’s numerous battles with Sombra (being sure to hype himself up all the while), Sunburst spoke about his experiences as Princess Flurry Heart’s Crystaller, and Princess Cadance even made a surprise appearance to talk about the small nation’s history and values. That sure caught everyone’s attention.

However, even as the crowd begins to thin, there is one thing on the minds of every student present. One moment during the trip stood out more than any other, and the reception was… mixed.

“Did you see the Princess?”

“I can’t believe she looks like that.”

“She’s…”

“Kinda scary.”

“So pretty!”

“A disgrace to her family.”

“Breaking new ground!”

“Ugh, is that brat really worth all this gossip?” Chrysalis mumbles as she sidles up to Anon nonchalantly.

“They’re just surprised. It doesn’t help that Cadance and Shining Armor have tried to, er, downplay Flurry’s tendencies.”

“...Hm.”

“Something wrong?”

“I have this strange feeling in my chest. It’s like frustration, only more… deeply rooted.”

“Is it because of Cadance and Shining?”

“Don’t get me wrong, I still hate them with every fiber of my being. But this feeling is different.”

“Because of Flurry?”

“It’s like… knowing that they’re ashamed of the runt makes me… ugh, I can’t think of the word.”

“Cocky? I wouldn’t be surprised if you felt some strange sense of satisfaction knowing their relationship.”

“No, it’s exactly the opposite. Like… they call ME a monster, but I don’t force my children into being something they’re not.”

“Except when you think we’re getting weak,” Terga chuckles as she approaches the pair. Behind her are Gena, Seta, and Tarsus. The group traveling together is a typical sight, which makes the absence of a certain blue-hued middle child all the more noticeable. “By the way, good job, Mom. You haven’t exploded on anyone once today!”

“That’s because all of you lovely students are avoiding me like the plague.”

“Can you blame us?” Tarsus asks before promptly being elbowed by Gena.

“Did you have fun, at least?” Anon questions as he sits on one of the many seats in the lobby of the inn.

“Lessons aren’t exactly ‘fun,’ but the change of pace is nice,” Seta admits. “I think everyone has been mostly looking forward to the free time. Celestia knows I have.”

“Oh? Got something planned?”

“I was gonna go to the mall with Gena, but–”

“Have you guys seen Canthus?” Gena pleads, speaking up for the first time since they arrived. “He was supposed to go with Seta and I, but we can’t find him!”

“He was sticking close to Terga the whole trip,” Tarsus adds, “but he disappeared right after Princess Cadance’s speech and Princess Flurry’s surprise appearance. Not sure how he slipped away.”

“Probably by using the unplanned mother-daughter argument that unfolded right before our eyes. I don’t think anyone could look away from that.”

“W-wait, Canthus is missing?” Anon’s eyes narrow as he leans forward. “Why didn’t you say something sooner?”

“No one noticed until just a bit ago.”

“He always has been good at sneaking by like that,” Chrysalis mumbles. “Well, it’s his choice. I’ll leave it to the teachers to get on his ass about it.”

“Um…” Gena takes a moment to gather her courage before speaking up properly. “C-can you help us find him?”

“Why? He can take care of himself.”

“Y-yeah, but it’s not like him to get separated from everyone like this! He’s always so… anxious.”

“True,” Anon says in a stern voice as he stands back up. “And I’ll be in serious trouble with Starlight if she finds out I let him get separated on my watch.” He looks to Chrysalis as he stretches out his back. “Let’s go find our son.”

“Ugh, fiiiiiiiiiine. But if we bump into those spineless royals along the way, you’re gonna be paying for it.”

“If you say so,” he chuckles. “Now then. Where did you all last see him?”


“Come on, this is discrimination!”

“Correct. Villains known for endangering Equestria are not allowed near the Crystal Heart.”

“She isn’t a villain! And we don’t care about your stupid heart!”

“Watch your language!”

“Anon. Dear. Drop it.”

In a surprising turn of events, Anon is the one making a commotion in public. Two large stallions prevent the family from approaching the castle, as well as the Crystal Heart housed beneath it. Chrysalis does her best to soothe her frustrated husband, whose red face is practically only seen when he is exposed to someone insulting his wife.

“What about us?” Seta asks as she tilts her head. “Are we banned, too?”

“W-well… that’s…”

A bead of sweat begins to form on the stallion’s brow as he glances at his partner, who awkwardly clears his throat.

“You wouldn’t stop us from entering just because you don’t like our mother, right? You wouldn’t want us telling the entire School of Friendship, not to mention Princess Twilight, that the Crystal Empire turns away innocent children just because they’re changelings, right?”

“Alright, fine. You may enter.” The guard steps aside, though he quickly begins glaring at Anon and Chrysalis. “However, only you may enter.”

“...Fine.” Anon crosses his arms and scowls back at the guard. “Let us know if you find him, alright?”

“We’ve got it covered,” Tarsus says as he nonchalantly trots right by the guards. “If we’re lucky, we’ll just be in and out.”

It doesn’t take long for the four siblings to enter the castle properly. The lower levels are open to the public, and although it is very pretty, there isn’t much to see. A great location for dignitaries and visitors to get a good look at the entire Empire or host formal gatherings, but not exactly the most interesting place for a changeling teen to be hanging around.

“Where do you think he went?” Tarsus asks no one in-particular.

“Maybe he had to find a restroom and got lost on his way back?” Terga ponders.

“Maybe a girl caught his eye. Oh, wouldn’t that be romantic?! Finding love in a foreign empire?! Ohhhh, I’m already jealous!”

“Seta, I seriously doubt he fell in love within the span of, what, ten minutes?”

“Hey, you don’t know! Mom and Dad met in a basement! And Mom assaulted him!”

“Yeah, well, you try that on the next guy you decide is the love of your life and tell me how it goes.”

“That’s–!”

“Shh!” Gena interrupts the bickering trio as she raises a hoof in the air. “Do you guys hear that?”

“...No?”

“Listen.”

Four pairs of ears twitch as their owners freeze in place and begin to hold their breaths. They listen closely for any sound that might be out of place. There’s the crackling of magical torches, distant hoofsteps on another floor, the occasional door opening or closing around some unseen corner.

Finally, they hear it.

“...What is that?”

“Whispers.”

“I-I can’t tell what they’re saying.”

“Me neither. I think they’re coming from–”

“Oh! Hello, everyone.” The siblings are interrupted by two ponies approaching them from behind, causing their eyes to widen. After only a moment’s hesitation, they all begin to bow. “Oh, no no no! There’s no need for that, you’re my guests!”

Princess Cadance shows them one of her iconic, motherly smiles. They can’t help but smile back as they stand back up.

“What are you all doing in the castle?” Prince Shining Armor asks. “Not that there’s anything wrong with you being here, it’s just not a very popular place for kids like you to be hanging out.”

“W-we’re looking for our brother,” Terga stutters. “He went missing somewhere along the tour during your appearance, Princess.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that! I’m also sorry about my presentation. I, er, wasn’t expecting to be interrupted like that. It was very unprofessional of me to allow a family dispute to interrupt your learning.”

“Speaking of, we can’t find Flurry, either,” Shining adds. “She’s been gone since… well, about that same time.”

“Wait, really?”

“Guys, I think there are two voices coming from–”

Gena is interrupted as a nearby broom closet (the door of which she’d been staring at) suddenly swings open. There’s a moment of silence as everyone present watches two figures emerge from the closet, their mouths agape.

The first figure is the unmistakable form of Canthus, his blue head and purple eyes looking anxiously at the crowd before ducking back into the closet, apparently having not expected there to be anyone there. The second figure is significantly more shocking. Her coat is a light pink, her mane purple with a blue stripe. Her wings are extremely large, and her matching horn makes it clear to all that she’s an alicorn. She has beautiful blue eyes that are accentuated by a generous amount of eyeliner. Despite her cute, pastel colors, said eyeliner is black. Similarly, a black streak has been added to her mane alongside the blue one, obviously through the use of dye. Her ears have been pierced numerous times and are adorned with all manner of jewels. She wears a black choker and a black shirt showing off the logo of some niche band that is meant to be listened to at max volume. Fishnet stockings adorn her front left leg and back right leg. Make no mistake, this pony is rocking the goth aesthetic.

And this pony is none other than Princess Flurry Heart, heir to the Crystal Empire and disappointer of her parents.

Unlike Canthus, she doesn’t appear bothered by the attention at all. In fact, she steps out into the open corridor with a cocky smile on her face. As she does so, Canthus follows her with clear hesitation. Sweat covers his comparatively plain, bandaged face. He tries to appear as confident as she does, but fails miserably. Flurry opens her mouth to speak, but is interrupted by two more creatures entering the hall.

“We are going to be in so much trouble.”

“As much as I hate impersonating that pretentious know-it-all, I have a bad feeling about what my son is… doing. Hm.”

All eyes fall on Anon and his associate, who appears to look just like Princess Cadance. However, as Candace herself makes a strange guttural noise of confusion instead of saying anything, the look-a-like is consumed by a green glow, quickly morphing back into the familiar form of Chrysalis.

“What are you doing here?” Shining growls. “Also, hi, Anon.”

“Hey. Sorry about this, we’re looking for our son, Canthus.”

“Oh, I think we have that covered,” Terga mutters with a hesitant voice. Once again, all eyes fall back onto the pair that just emerged from the closet. “Though I think that brother of mine has some explaining to do.”

“Yes he does~!” Seta prances in place for a moment as a massive smile spreads across her face. “Go on, Cant! Introduce us!”

“I… I…”

“Come on, Cant. Don’t let them bully you.” Flurry’s voice is confident and cool despite how naturally cute and high-pitched it is. “Go ahead. Introduce me.”

“I…” He swallows hard as he faces the crowd consisting of his four siblings and both his and Flurry’s parents. “I…”

“...Ugh, fine.”

“Flurry? Is this what I think it is?” Cadance asks, unsure of if her voice should sound proud or angry.

“It’d better not be,” Chrysalis adds as she saunters up to Cadance’s side. “We’re gonna have some problems if this goes where I think it might.”

“For once, we agree on something.”

Anon and Shining Armor exchange a worried glance, but say nothing as their wives finally find that common ground they were looking for in the worst possible place.

“Not like either of you are strangers to problems,” Flurry retorts with a roll of her eyes.

“Well, I never–”

“Flurry and I are dating!” Canthus blurts out. The room falls completely silent as the elephant in the room is finally addressed. “W-we have been for a few months now!”

“And where did you two even meet to begin with?” Anon asks.

“Here, during my Foreign Friendship classes,” he mumbles just loud enough to be heard. “W-we… you know… hit it off. Those classes have been good excuses to see each other.”

“And why did you hide in that closet?”

“This!” he shouts as he motions to everyone in the room. “Obviously Mom doesn’t approve of it even though we’re supposed to be finding creatures to love! And Princess Cadance doesn’t approve either even though love is her WHOLE THING!”

Flurry turns to him in surprise. No one has ever heard him shout so angrily before. It doesn’t take long until she’s wrapped one of her oversized wings around him and turned back towards the rest of the group.

“Couldn’t have said it better myself. We’re super in love, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

She narrows her eyes and glares a cocky glare at her mother. Cadance stutters for a moment before closing her eyes and letting out a sigh.

“...Very well. It’s not my place to tell you who you can and can’t love. Even if it’s the child of the mare that tried to marry your father in my place against our will.”

“I said I was sorry,” Chrysalis mumbles as she looks away.

The room falls silent once again as tension fills the air. Everyone glances between each other, suddenly feeling much more awkward. Finally, Anon clears his throat as he looks to the other father in the room.

“W-well, I’m happy for the both of you.”

“As am I,” Shining adds.

“But you’re still in trouble for sneaking away.”

“R-right! You’re grounded for a month, young lady.”

“Ugggggh, but Daaaaaaaaaaaaaad! The My Little Romance concert is next week!”

“You should have thought about that before interrupting your mother’s presentation. Now come on, you’ve got homework to do.”

“...Dammit.” She lets out a sigh before turning to Canthus and giving him a small, genuine smile. “I’ll see you soon, Cant.”

She gives him a quick peck on the cheek before nonchalantly walking through the small crowd and disappearing down the hall, leaving Canthus a blushing, stuttering mess.

“We should all get going too,” Anon says to his children. “Before the guards realize there are two Cadances in the building.”

“There you are!”

Two stallion guards emerge from around a corner behind Anon and Chrysalis.

“Welp.”

“We should run, dear.”

“Eeyup.”

With a flash of light, Chrysalis shapeshifts into a green dragon just large enough for Anon to leap onto. Without an ounce of hesitation, the pair fly out of a nearby window, forcing the guards to book it back through the door they just came through in pursuit.

“They are going to be in so much trouble with Headmare Starlight,” Tarsus chuckles.

“Maybe you kids should get back to your inn,” Cadance suggests as she rests a hoof on her head in exhaustion. “I, uh… I suppose we’ll be seeing you around, Canthus.”

“Th-thank you, Princess Cadance.”

“Careful around my daughter,” Shining coldly adds, a wicked smile on his face. “I’ve learned a thing or two about ‘dealing with’ changelings since my wedding. Just so you know.”

Canthus nervously clears his throat.

“I-I understand, sir. Y-your highness!”

“Good.”

His smile goes from threatening to warm in an instant as Cadance escorts him away, leaving the five reunited children alone in the corridor.

“So… you actually bagged a princess?”

“C-can you not word it like that? Besides, I don’t really care about the whole ‘princess’ thing. And neither does she, that’s why she and her parents are always arguing.”

“You might not care about her being a princess, but I’d be willing to bet you do have a thing for goths,” Seta teases. Canthus’s face goes bright red as she begins to laugh. “I was right~!”

“Shut up!”

The siblings’ laughter echoes through the castle as they depart, their nonstop questions nearly bringing the embarrassed Canthus to tears. No one expected this to be the outcome of the School of Friendship’s field trip. However, despite that…

Canthus regrets nothing.


Author's Note

Artwork courtesy of the incredibly talented Mikkybun! Be sure to check them out!https://x.com/Mikkybun

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