Canon Ponies Meet Fanon Ponies

Canon Ponies Meet Fanon Ponies, Chapter 4: Pinkie Pie, Part 2

After a few hours of the two Pinkies jumping around the train station and generally pestering other ponies, the train arrived, causing both mares to squeal in excitement. After all, trains ARE pretty awesome. The two Pinkies decided to prank a bored pony checking the boarding tickets, and so they split up, with Pinkie at the front of the line and Pinkamena at the back. When Pinkamena finally got to the front, the stallion was not amused.

“I’ve already checked your ticket, why did you get off the train and back in line?”

“No you haven’t mister, I’ve been waiting in this line for super long to get on the train, I Pinkie Pie promise!”

Pinkamena followed suit with the normal gestures that went along with such a commitment, but this did not work at all.

“Look ma’am, you’ve already boarded the train, so just get back on and don’t leave again.”

Pinkamena pouted at the lack of banter she received, but got on the train anyway, saying,

“I’m sorry for upsetting you…”

Without turning around, Pinkamena flicked her tail in his face, causing him to blush.

“…you big stallion, you.”

Both Pinkies giggled in high-pitched glee as they left the stallion, who found himself both angry and strangely aroused at the same time. His arousal confused him the most, since he had no genitals with which to express these new feelings.

The train ride to Canterlot was an eventful one for the staff, to say the least. The janitor pony sat on a bucket, waiting for something to do. He didn’t like his job much at all, but at least he didn’t have to clean urine off of bus seats anymore. Today was not his day, as he kept getting called back to clean the bathrooms for “miscellaneous messes.” The first time he went to clean up, one of the stalls was covered entirely in confetti. The second time, the words “I’m watching you” were smudged in turdfitti on the mirror above the sink. The third time, Pinkamena was waiting for him, exposing her revealing parts just over the paper towel dispenser. And while most ponies would be curious as to what the slit was, this was a janitor pony, and he had seen some shit. He did not give a buck about this pink pony; he was done. He popped some happy pills from his pocket and proceeded to get so tweaked that he fell on the floor, frothing at the mouth. Disappointed, Pinkamena walked out of the bathroom, ready for more pranks.

Meanwhile, Pinkie had decided to have a little “fun” with the conductor. She was an older, tired mare who got all of her enjoyment in life through shoveling more coal onto the fire for her train. It was back-breaking, but at least it never changed. It never cheated on her, it never got drunk, and it never sent her weird malware requests even though she didn’t sign up for that fetish porn site, she totally didn’t sign up.

Pinkie Pie didn’t know any of this, and assumed that the mare must be very bored and lonely up at the front of the train. Pinkie decided to chat her up; after all, everypony can use a little company. Pinkie zipped up next to her, barely making a sound doing so. The conductor jumped a bit at seeing a full-grown mare curious about what goes on up front instead of a filly, but she didn’t object.

“Can I help you, ma’am? Interested in something here?”

Pinkie nodded her head vigorously.

“Yeah yeah, totally! Like, why use coal when you could have a unicorn up here? What’s this button do? Is that a sticker over there? Why is there a clown wig with a phone number on it? What’s a phone?”

As she asked this barrage of questions, Pinkie darted around the room, pointing at various things but staring at the conductor all the while. Pinkie’s energy surprised and annoyed the mare, whom was all but ready to murder a whorse if she didn’t get the hay out of there. Fuming yet controlled, the conductor exclaimed,

“Listen ma’am, if you don’t have a reason to be here, you should…”

But Pinkie had disappeared. The conductor furrowed her brows.

“…leave?”

Pinkie was nowhere in sight, an odd and ridiculous feat in the conductor’s eyes. Still suspicious, she kept her eyes looking behind her as she shoveled more coal into the fire. But something was strange; that last shovelful felt a tad heavy. The conductor turned towards the pit, finding that she just shoved Pinkie Pie right into the hot coal fire. She screamed.

“Oh my Celestia! Miss, get out of there!”

The conductor dived forward and pulled Pinkie out, even though the latter wasn’t burned at all.

“What do you think you’re doing? Get out of here! OUT!”

The conductor shoved Pinkie out of the room, despite the mare’s protests. But instead of getting angry, Pinkie Pie decided that now would be a good time to introduce the conductor to Pinkamena. After all, if one Pinkie didn’t make her happy, then two would definitely do it. Pinkie found her near-identical companion making out with a Guy Fawkes mask that had been hot-glued to some poor pony’s flank. Pinkamena was quickly swayed towards meeting the conductor, leaving the little foal to wonder if Celestia hated him.

The two Pinkies calmly trotted to the front of the train, Pinkamena plotting out things all the while. Once she got to Canterlot, she was going to unleash her two greatest weapons on the city: her gore party cannon and her sex party cannon. They would be certain to grab the attention of the city; nopony can ignore the allure of sex when it’s right there in their face. And gore is easy enough to shoot down ponies’ throats, so might as well go for it.

Eventually, the two Pinkies made it to the front of the train and entered the conductor’s cabin. She was, needless to say, unprepared for the arrival, and furious that Pinkie would dare to come back. However, the conductor quickly noticed there was not one, but two of the pink mare that distracted her earlier. That was impossible. Not only impossible, it was a curse straight from Tartarus. She began shouting at the Pinkies, telling them to get out of the conductor’s cabin or get thrown off the train. Pinkamena wasn’t ready to leave so willingly, though.

“Not until we have some fun first.”

Pinkamena brandished a knife (out of nowhere, of course), to which Pinkie clapped giddily. The conductor’s eyes widened as she backed up to the wall. How could she not have known that these two ponies were insane psychopaths that dress up as one pony and then go around murdering conductors? It should have been so obvious; she had read the story about it in the Equestria Inquirer that very morning.

Not wanting to beat around the bush, Pinkamena rammed the knife through the conductor’s face, killing her. Pinkie stopped clapping her hooves; something wasn’t right about what Pinkamena just did.

“Uh, Pinkamena, what did you just do?”

“Oh, I just murdered this contrarian bitch. No way I’m letting a conductor spoil our fun!”

Pinkie thought it over for a moment; was murder wrong? Yep, definitely wrong. Pinkie Pie knew that fun was important, but that conductor probably had friends and family (she didn’t, but whateva, ah do what ah want). Those friends would probably be sad without their friend. Pinkie Pie decided to explain some things to Pinkamena so this wouldn’t happen again.

“Pinkamena, listen. I mean, I know fun is super-duper absolutely fantastic, but we can’t go around killing other ponies for it. It’s like, pointless and stuff, ya know? I mean, I could get it if they were extra-special bad, but this one wasn’t. She was actually pretty cool and fun! So from now on, let’s not kill other ponies, okay?”

Pinkamena sighed, but agreed and shook hooves with Pinkie. However, while Pinkie Pie explained why blatant unexplained gore is awful, the train had nopony driving it. And, because trains need drivers, this one had gone off the rails and into the air, poised to fall right onto Canterlot. The two Pinkies noticed their dilemma, hugged each other, and began to scream.

Luna sat up in her observatory, wondering about many things. Would she ever be accepted into Equestrian society? Would ponies ever learn to befriend her instead of fear her? Would that awesome second-person shipfic about her ever update? These questions and more plagued the lunar princess as she decided to take a quick look outside. And when one looks outside, one does not normally expect a flying train to be the first thing one lays eyes on. Especially when that train is headed right for the castle, specifically the room right beneath one. That room? Celestia’s bedroom, of course. Before Luna could warn her sister or cast a spell, the train rammed into the castle, tearing the walls like paper and causing the structure to collapse inward on itself.

The building fell as a large cloud of dust and debris spread outward through Canterlot, ruining many a posh pony’s fancy lunch. Several ponies were buried in the mess, although none died. Luna managed to break through a window before the observatory crashed on her, allowing her to survive. The scene was horrendous, with wreckage strewn absolutely everywhere. The damage would cost several billion bits to repair and clean up, definitely not what the Equestrian economy needed right now.

However, Luna’s prime concern was her sister. Eventually, Luna found Celestia propped just under the very spot where the train launched into the palace. Celestia was trapped under the train car, but not hurt. Luna rushed over, tears in her eyes.

“Celestia! Sister, are you okay?”

Celestia reached a shaking hoof up to her sister and whispered out the only words she could manage.

“I...came...”

Celestia then fainted, leaving Luna to wonder what she meant.

Meanwhile, both Pinkies had walked away from the crash unscathed, because it wouldn’t be fun if they died. Pinkie insisted that she needed to see Rarity really quick to check on a dress before having fun with the Canterlot ponies. Pinkamena waved it off, saying,

“Oh, that’s okay. I’ll just have fun while I wait for you!”

She eyed some of the ponies trapped by rubble. Oh, there would be plenty of “fun” to be had.

Pinkie ran ultra-fast to Ponyville, making it there in just a few seconds and stopping right in front of Carousel Boutique. Before knocking, Pinkie looked up to the second floor, hearing what sounded like an argument. She could make out two similar shapes with her eyes, but it couldn’t be. There couldn’t be two Rarities. No, that would be ridiculous.