Canon Ponies Meet Fanon Ponies

Canon Ponies Meet Fanon Ponies

Chapter 3: Pinkie Pie

The noise level in Sugarcube Corner was more than just deafening; even Vinyl Scratch would hesitate to crank the volume of her music to these heights. The entire building seemed alive, almost bouncing up and down in place. Colorful lights flashed from within, and energy simply buzzed about the place. Anypony that walked by would instantly feel both sick and ready to run a marathon at the same time.

Normally, Pinkie Pie would not put so much energy into her random parties (this one in celebration of Leif Erikson Day), but today was a special occasion. Today, Pinkie Pie had stumbled upon another Pinkie Pie! There was no need to question the situation, only a need to party. And since it was a holiday, the party called for all the energy the two Pinkies could muster up. Fortunately for them, they lived in a sugar-filled paradise. Not so fortunate for the Cake family, of course.

Neither Mr. Cake nor Mrs. Cake had made the proper preparations for such an occurrence; not to say they hadn’t tried. Ever since Pinkie moved in, the happy couple had set up many methods to avoid the pitfalls of a life with Pinkie Pie in the house. All the walls were soundproofed, and doubled in thickness. The metal and plaster in the home got reinforced once per month, and all surfaces were given a magically-imbued luster that made it so messes slid right off with the addition of water. The Cakes spared no expense ensuring their house would be ready for whatever Pinkie Pie could throw at them, but this was simply too much.

Luckily, they had predicted there would be a day where they simply couldn’t stand being around Pinkie Pie during one of her sugar-fueled parties, and had one final line of defense for themselves ready: a bomb shelter.

Equestria hadn’t experienced much war, especially wars where either side would be willing to resort to non-magic based weaponry. As such, finding and buying a bomb shelter was no easy task, and getting the shelter installed under Sugarcube Corner was even more difficult (don’t even ask how many favors Mr. Cake had to call in). However, the deed had been done, and the family of sweet-selling ponies needed it now more than ever.

The shelter was sealed tight, and very much equipped for anything. Foods of all kinds lined the shelves, two fairly comfortable beds rested in a corner, and thick iron walls stood between the Cakes and anything that would seek to harm them (or in this case, accidentally make them go insane). A crib had even been bolted into the floor for the newborns, just in case. Both Pumpkin and Pound Cake rested peacefully under the blanket they shared, somehow blissfully unaware of the chaos just above them.

Mr. and Mrs. Cake, meanwhile, sat upon a couch which had been attached to the wall for safety purposes. Their eyes were bloodshot, with multiple bags reminiscent of they sleep they were missing drooping just below their eyelids. Both ponies’ hair had become frazzled, to the point where Mrs. Cake’s mane was beginning to look somewhat like Pinkie Pie’s. They sat shaking in each other’s hooves, warm but very much scared of what Pinkie Pie could be doing up there in their house, their business.

Mrs. Cake closed her eyes, and took a deep breath in. She exhaled, and got up from the couch, leaving her husband to wonder what she could be doing. She walked up to the crib, looking lovingly upon her foals. She lightly nuzzled both of them, and then turned to face Mr. Cake, who had since gotten up from the couch.

“Dear, I think it’s time somepony said something to Pinkie about this party, and it’s going to be me.”

Mr. Cake’s face contorted first into one of shock, but then changed into a face of stoic anger instead.

“No, I’ll do it.”

“But dear, what if…”

“Mr. Cake says no.”

Mr. Cake put a hoof to her chest, grinning broadly at his success. She giggled softly at his playful use of third-person; she loved it, but would never say so. Fortunately, Mr. Cake didn’t need to hear it from anypony else. His two foals were enough proof to him that his wife liked being “playful,” especially seeing as ponies are only ever allowed to perform such activities under the guiding eye of Princess Celestia.

Mr. Cake made his way up the ladder to the opening of the shelter, and steeled himself for the madness of Pinkie Pie. The lock was turned, and the door opened, allowing Mr. Cake to poke his head back inside his own home. Mr. Cake spotted Pinkie Pie across the room dancing, and opened his mouth intending to yell at her. The instant he did, he was hit with a pie to the face, knocking him out and causing him to fall off the ladder. Mrs. Cake quickly rushed over and caught him before he could hit the floor, and then proceeded to shut the opening to the shelter. With just a few tears in her eyes, she turned her head to the ceiling, and wondered,

What made Pinkie want to do this?

The party of the century raged on inside Sugarcube Corner. The simple amount of energy given off by the party had attracted all sorts of ponies and other creatures inside. Griffons took part in a high stakes pie-eating contest, dragons tried alcohol for the first time (with disastrous results), and in some closet Tom the Rock and Bloomberg the Tree were having sex. But the ponies having the most fun were the two Pinkie Pies.

They had met in the morning of that day, in the kitchen of Sugarcube Corner. Pinkie Pie had been preparing another cake for Leif Erikson Day, and when removed from the oven, a second Pinkie Pie had burst forth. The two immediately bonded as friends; after all, both of them LOVE having friends. The only problem was the issue of their names. After several minutes of stroking beards that neither Pinkie had, a solution was arrived at by the second pink mare.

“I know, I know! We can call me by my initials!”

“Are you suuuuure you wanna do that?”

The second Pinkie raised an eyebrow.

“Well, why not?”

“Because then we’d have to call you…pee-pee!”

Pinkie Pie giggle-snorted, and soon both ponies had erupted into brief laughter. After a short stint of rolling around, the second Pinkie Pie wiped a tear from her eye with a new idea.

“Ooh, ooh, I’ve got a better idea! We’ll call you Pinkie, and I’ll be Pinkamena! That IS my name, after all.”

“Yeah, that sounds great! Oh, and we can throw a SUPER huge party to welcome you here! It’ll have double the party of any party for any welcoming before it!”

The two Pinkies high-hoofed, and thus fate was set in motion. There was partying to be had, and it would not be stopped by anypony.

The party of the century lasted long into the night and even made its way into the early morning, but alas, all good things must come to an end. Most everypony had left, and it was Gummy’s bed time. The two hosts had fallen asleep on the ceiling of Pinkie’s room, because why the hell not.

Pumpkin and Pound Cake awoke, and their cries brought both of their parents out of a groggy daze. Not hearing their house getting trashed above them, Mr. Cake stepped out of the basement and lay witness to the greatest mess he had ever seen. Absolutely every piece of furniture had been either overturned or broken. The entire stock of sweets in the store had been abolished, and the floor of the shop was positively sticky with alcohol and possibly other less sanitary liquids. Most importantly, there was cake and icing everywhere. Not one inch of the place wasn’t covered, to the point where the original color of the walls was indiscernible under the thick coating.

Not having the time or the energy to unleash his anger, Mr. Cake simply called up to Pinkie Pie,

“Pinkie, please wake up and help us clean up this mess. No buts!”

Upstairs in her room, Pinkie Pie blinked the frosting off of her eyelids and fell from the ceiling. The loud noise awoke Pinkamena, who fell right on top of Pinkie. The two laughed hysterically, and quickly prepared themselves for the “bestest fastest cleaning job ever.” While Mr. Cake got out a mop and began sweeping the downstairs, the two Pinkies simply unleashed their tongues on the shop. The entire place was sparkling clean within minutes, leaving the Cakes baffled again. Before they could roughly scold Pinkie Pie, they noticed something: a second Pinkie Pie. Mr. Cake fainted, and quiet sobs escaped Mrs. Cake. She wanted to recover and scold the two Pinkies, but they were already out the door before she had a chance. A hastily scribbled note was left over.

Out to get more cupcakes and cakes and muffins and brownies and candy and other good things for the kitchen—be back soon!

Mrs. Cake fainted this time, but not because of the note. No, what scared her the most was the signature at the bottom. The signature that confirmed her greatest fears.

Love, Pinkie Pie and Pinkamena

Ponyville was bustling with the beginnings of daily activity, but something was different today. Today, there were two Pinkies out and about, looking for ingredients to make all sorts of delicious treats. And there was only one good place to get fine ingredients: Canterlot.

As such, both Pinkies began bouncing towards the train station. After all, it wasn’t like they could simply break the fourth wall and show up in Canterlot without having found some real transportation. Oh no, that would be silly.

The two pink mares hopped up to a pony selling tickets, and shouted in unison,

“Two tickets to Canterlot mister ticket-master pony!”

Annoyed but unsurprised, the drab gray stallion simply snorted and reached under his desk to acquire the correct tickets from a machine. As he pushed the tickets out he also grabbed a bag of bits which had appeared suddenly before him. A small smile graced his lips; Pinkie did always seem to leave nice tips, and two Pinkies met double the tip. Their smiles were big and wide as they bounced along to find a place and wait for the train. The stallion chuckled.

Canterlot is in for some weird crap today.