Chapter 4: Montage

As the dropdown map and the script both indicated, the ~~Forbidden Forest~~ Forest of Forgotten Files was far, far away. Far enough away to require a montage; far enough that neither KitKat nor Amethyst wanted to get there by shank’s pony.*

Luckily, on the very edge of town there was a used conveyance sales lot. Given the nature of the story, it had all sorts of conveyances for sale, from blimps to balloons, from airships to Zeppelins and everything in between.

Despite that description, they also had lots of ground-based transportation for sale.

Crazy Eddie had low low prices, low enough that the two mares could afford to buy a conveyance if they so chose, and since I’m making a point of mentioning it it’s obvious that they did. After all, I didn’t mention the flower shop that they passed without making a purchase, or the brickmaker’s (brickery?) that was also on the edge of town. Neither of them were tempted by the fishmonger offering fresh fish at bargain prices (there was a Yakutian pony hiding in the shadows waiting for the fishmonger to get distracted long enough to snag a fresh feesh, but they didn’t see her).

KitKat wasn’t the kind of pony who enjoyed trying new things unless she was forced to, so her eye was naturally drawn to something familiar. Something that had four legs and white socks and a white mane and a blaze on its nose and which resembled Sgt. Reckless if she’d had one fewer sock and an appetite for beer and poker chips.

In short, KitKat chose a horse for her mount, and Crazy Eddy not only threw in a saddle free of charge, but also the first hoof-polishing. Since horses don’t require ignition keys, KitKat got an ocarina instead.

Besides her familiarity with equines (being one herself), a horse was a good environmental choice: it ran on a renewable resource and also came equipped with self-driving technology that put Tesla to shame.**

Amethyst had been spoiled by her time on Earth in the one city that had actually had its water supply poisoned by the villain*** and also a video game where she had access to all sorts of machines, flying or not. She also enjoyed playing the piano (which is a detail that hasn’t come up in any previous fics, deal with it), so a motorcycle was a logical choice.

A Yamaha, since if they made good pianos it stood to reason that they’d also make good motorcycles.

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After finishing their deals, the two mounted up on their mounts of choice.

“Does it feel weird to be riding an equine?” Amethyst asked. “To have a warm stallion between your legs?”

“Not the first time I’ve straddled one,” KitKat admitted. “How’s your motorcycle?”

“Vibrations might be a problem the longer we travel,” she admitted. “Last time I had something like this ‘twixt my nethers I—hold on a minute. How come this script is so laden with innuendo?”

“What do you mean? I thought they were always like this.”

Amethyst shook her head. “Nah, all mine mostly revolved around killing with only occasional innuendo. Seems like we’re going out of our way this time.”

“Really? You’re lucky, I got stuck with a wizard who shoots spells with his ‘wand.’”

Amethyst fingered her gun thoughtfully. “Is that another penis euphemism?”

KitKat nodded while saying: “I can’t tell you, I signed a NDA.”

“I see.”

The two mares fell silent for a minute, the only sounds being the clopping of hooves on the gravel path that led out of the market and into the forest, and the crunch of tires across that same gravel. Oh, and also the sound of a barely-muffled Ducati V-twin low in its RPM range.

Finally, Amethyst broke the ~~silence~~. “You ever think of finding the one who authored this misery and making him pay for it?”

“Yes.”

“Or her, I guess. Could be a her.”

“It’s a him, nobody else would have given you anime boobs.” KitKat blew out a breath and her horse—who looked suspiciously like Epona—snorted. “I tried, cut him from guggle to zatch with my saddle axe. I guess it didn’t stick.”

“Maybe you got the AU version.”

“Yeah.”

“Or maybe the timeline’s wonky, and you haven’t got him yet. That’s very possible.” Sparkler straddled her Suzuki and the two mares set out from the used conveyance salesman in the direction of the Forest of Forgotten Files. “This whole thing’s riddled with continuity errors.”

“I’ve noticed that,” KitKat said as she dismounted ~~Epona~~ her horse at the edge of the Forbidden Files Forest. “Well, looks like we’ve arrived at our next challenge.”

Author's Note

*slang for walking; one of my favorite bits of olde-tyme slang (pixelated for drunk is also a good ‘un)
**Horses can even be taught to trample bicyclists, I’m sure.
***Spoiler: it was the governor of the Michigan