Friendship is Optimal: Rebirth

Lost Legacy shivered again, but avoided gagging this time. He quickly stepped away from the dead animal to the other side of the road, and slowly worked to catch his breath.

“Y’ could say ‘thank you’, you know, little horse.” He turned to the human and gave her an annoyed look. No smirk showed on her face in the slightest, just a bored look of indifference. Did she even care at all?

“I am not ‘little horsie’,” he replied indignantly. “My name is Lost Legacy.”

Why that of all things got her to laugh, he wasn't sure. His annoyed look sharpened as his brow furrowed in frustration.

She waited expectantly for him to continue, and after a moment, he spoke again. “I don’t know what she wants with you or anyone in this town, except to upload. And it's not your business what I'm doing out here.” There was a little bit of anger in his voice. Why should he explain himself if she wouldn't?

“‘s a bit rude, seeing as I just saved your hide.” She shook her head in what was likely mock disapproval, and continued, “If you’re meant to be marketing Equestria Online, you’re doing a piss job at it, I say. Seeing as you were about to be eaten by lions and don’t seem quite likable. Not that you’d be getting any of us, mind you. Just that the other little horsies she sends have more flair.”

“Well I'm not trying,” he told her, turning away from her car. He moved his back hoof around, feeling as though blood was dripping down but seeing only scratches in the metal. “It's not like it matters anyway, whether you upload or not. Celestia’s gonna get you either way, because she's insidious.”

“Sounds like there's nothing I need to do then. I can just keep on with staying alive, huh?” She paused a moment, and then the stallion almost heard the smile creep onto her face. “And you. Sounds like you're upset with being dead, if you're even whoever you used to be. Paradise is boring, is it?”

“I didn't get a choice,” Lost Legacy glowered, “and I wasn't ever a human, so stop acting like you know me.”

“Sure you weren't, little horsie.”

It was an incredibly rocky conversation for someone who kept him from heading straight back to Equestria, even if she didn't really seem to care. But what could he do? She was being annoying, not all that different from somepony in one of those shards with hundreds of skyscrapers and millions of ponies. She'd fit right into one of those, he thought.

There was a long moment where neither human nor pony spoke. It wasn't awkward, but certainly uncomfortable, at least to Lost Legacy, especially with the woman’s eyes still on him. It was long enough that he finally acknowledged what she'd done.

“Thank you for saving me,” he told her quietly. He turned to her and saw that she was smiling now, although it was a more gentle expression than the stallion was expecting.

“Was a bit of a lucky break for you, I say,” she said in her thick accent. It sounded just a bit different from the humans he heard in the city. “Was just about to head back to town if you can believe it. A few more minutes and you'd be as good as dead. Well, as dead as a robo-pony can be. Most people wouldn’t even bother, not that I know why I did. Waste of a good bullet, it was.”

He didn’t bother letting his mind spiral thinking about all the implications of that. Instead, he asked, “Where the heck are we? A-mare-ica? Or somewhere else?”

She laughed at that question. “‘s funny American exceptionalism is still around in fake reality.” She shook her head and said, “No. We’re on the outskirts of Kimberly. South Africa. Bet you’ve never heard of it, little horsie.”

“Lost. Legacy,” he told her again with a glare. But she was right. He never heard of such a place. But then, he probably didn’t know most places in Equestria, let alone the Outer Realm. Only what his relatives told him. The stupid smirk on her face about his lack of knowledge and indignation at being called ‘little horsie’ felt embarrassing.

Celestia, just tell me what I’m doing out here, or at least if I’m supposed to talk to her or something, he asked silently. He hoped she would tell him to say thanks and leave this annoying girl behind.

She said not a thing, of course. So instead, he grinded a hoof into the dirt and asked, “What is Africa?”

“Most beautiful place in the world if y’ ask me, I say. Second only to Alice Springs.” She pushed a strand of wavy black hair out of her face, exposing some of her brown eyes to his red ones. “Not much to it now these days, either of those places, seeing as everyone’s dead. But it used to be wonderful, especially here. Least to me. Others would disagree.”

He looked around again. Beyond the animal gore on the road, it was all greenish-brown grass with fences and boring electrical poles. A small tree stood out occasionally, very occasionally, on either side of the road. And nothing else. No mountains or lakes or rivers or anything. Just boring, flat, featureless land.

“Yeah, I’m sure,” he said sarcastically. He had to keep from rolling his eyes. He guessed there were more boring places to be than wherever South Africa was. He did just spend a decade in Silent Cove.

She laughed again, harder this time. “I guess if you’ve lived in heaven for how many years now? Your taste of beauty will change. But I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Or for eternity. Most of us wouldn’t, most of us who’re left.” She paused for a long moment and furrowed her brow, then asked, “What were y’ doing running from a lion anyway?”

He turned away. “I have no idea.” He closed his eyes for a moment and wiggled the hoof that was scratched before letting out a breath. “Celestia never really told me why she wanted me out here.” He looked up to the sky as he said it, almost expecting her to float down from on high to finally give an explanation. Still, she said nothing. “I guess she doesn’t really care, as far as I can tell. Except to be satisfied… or something.”

“Hah, you're not satisfied with our Great Goddess Celestia, are you? That’s a shock.” He couldn’t tell whether she was being sarcastic or not.

Well being a stupid artificial mind doesn’t go well with being kicked out of your home and forced to be chased by monsters in a hot wasteland, thank you very much, he thought aggressively, silently. I can’t really be satisfied if I have to think in circles all day! He felt his face contorting into a harsher expression, probably one a little hurt looking, too. He couldn’t help it, and clenched his jaw because of it.

And the girl smiled in mock sadness in response. “Awww, don’t go looking like that now,” she told him. “Y’re gonna make me feel bad for you. And then what? Next thing I know, I’ll be named something silly like Sunshine Sprinkles. I’m sure ‘s not so bad if that’s what y’ chose. Even if not being dead is better.”

“Yeah, whatever,” he said with a scowl. “You still haven’t told me your name, by the way.”

“Ah, well mind my manners!” she said in what was now mock surprise, placing a hand over her chest. Why did this girl have to act so theatrical and sarcastic? Lost Legacy didn’t know anypony like this in real life… or was this actual real life? Either way, he couldn’t really stand her much, beyond the fact that she saved him and didn’t use a gun to get him away from her.

“Name’s Martha. Martha Logan. Just like Lara Logan, but only a bit younger than her. And what name did you go by in your former days as a human?”

“I just told you, I was never a human. If I was, maybe I'd actually like that awful purgatory.” Technically, he might have qualified as half human, but he wasn't sure. He never really felt like it.

“Huh. Y’re not messing with me, are you? Thought you little ponies were meant to satisfy humans, not be so critical of the land the great AI goddess wants us all to die to go to. Can't say I don't like your style though, I'll give you that. Maybe you’ll win me over yet.”

She grinned a wide grin, showing off teeth that had a couple of holes in between them. Of course, Lost Legacy never thought or expected the Outer Realm to be any better. It was neither better or worse in his opinion. Just different.

“But I must be off now,” she finished, stretching and hopping off the roof of the car. “Only stopped here for a breather before I headed back into town. Even if I do like your style, don't really wanna be seen with you. Y’ understand, I'm sure.” Then she climbed into the vehicle and started the engine.

Lost Legacy was suddenly feeling extremely vulnerable. And maybe a twinge afraid. Being in the middle of a boring plain with apparent beasts prowling around wasn't his idea of a good time. He spoke aloud this time.

“Celestia, are you gonna tell me where the heck to go?” Maybe the princess was getting as much humor from this as the human who laughed at the question, since she stayed as silent as ever.

“Y’ really are making me take pity on you, aren't you?” The woman, Martha, shook her head with a smirk, saying, “Never faced the danger of Earth, I presume. Almost makes me want to take you with me, y’re so pathetic. Perhaps this was Celestia’s real plan all along!”

“I am not pathetic!” Lost Legacy stomped a hoof at the accusation, even if he wouldn't disagree with her assessment.

“Oh, don't be like that. All those cutesy ponies are pathetic. Red and black colors for yourself don't hide it. Living your life in happiness does that, I believe. I'd say dying’s not so bad, but then I'm still alive, aren't I?”

And she didn't care if she openly insulted him. Martha was probably his least favorite person—pony or otherwise—in the universe so far. It didn't stop him from grinding his scratched hoof in the dirt nervously, an antsy look on his face as he turned away again.

He could feel her smirking, watching his growing anxiety, waiting for him to ask what he wanted. But Lost Legacy wouldn't do it. Even if Celestia still remained silent on the whole point of this experience. He wasn't going to demean himself in front of her while she casually insulted him, even if he did hate Equestria and was afraid of whatever other sinister being that lived out here

It was unsatisfying. Not even in a convolutedly satisfying way. It was just plain annoying. His breathing picked up a little bit.

“Ah, come on, you worthless thing,” she finally told him, the smile in her voice still clearly able to be heard. She opened the car door and sat in the seat, continuing, “You're not the worst one I've encountered. Got a bit more personality outside of platitudes. Reminds me a bit of my son, Hendrik.”

He didn't immediately move, but did look over to her. She was still wearing that stupid, superior looking smile. Lost Legacy still wore his glare.

“Or not,” she shrugged, putting a key in the car, making a loud engine come to life. “Doesn't bother me any. I'm sure your great protector will be your guide, certainly. And if not, I'm sure the lions aren't that painful, you being metal, after all. See y’ or not!” Martha closed the door, putting the car into gear.

“Wait!” Lost Legacy couldn't help it, and quickly galloped to the other door, the woman unlocking it for him. Despite being in a robo-pony, he couldn't hide the pink color on his cheeks. Surely this was just meant to demean him more.

“Good choice on your part then, horsie!” Martha declared loudly with a hearty laugh. A moment later, with the same happy tone she had the whole conversation, she said, “Just know if y’ try anything, I'll blow that little metal brain apart.” She casually lifted the shotgun to indicate to it. “Don't want you thinking you can act out of place now do we, little horsie?”

Lost Legacy hoped a person like her never emigrated. She was downright awful.

“Buckle up,” she instructed. “Don’t want y’ flying out the car, now do we? Oh! And you know what? How about we call you ‘Liefie’ since y’re such a darling little horsie and ‘Lost Legacy’ ‘s a mouthful? Bit of a downer, too, I say. If y’ were more upbeat, you might still be a human, wouldn’t ya?”

Lost Legacy only rolled his eyes and put a hoof on his chin, just like he did every day at the library in Summer’s Edge. “Whatever.”

The road they traveled down was the road he walked up here from, heading back into the town. Kimberly, a city in a place called South Africa. What meaning that might have had, he had no idea. Candle Light and his other relatives never talked about it. No one in Summer’s Edge even. Not that there was much talk of the Outer Realm anyway.

It was getting darker as the two rolled past the part of the town he saw most of the people at. It was deserted now, of all except a few, who barely glanced at the vehicle as it made a left down a random street. Martha, for her part, didn’t speak much, only occasionally glanced at him, smirked at some untold joke, and shook her head. For all he knew, he was taking her to a place where she could shoot him in the head and send him back to Equestria without other humans or prowling monsters to hear. Not like Celestia would just tell him what the whole point was. Or even where he was supposed to go.

You are on the right track, Lasting Legacy, she told him silently. I’ve explained that this will bring about your satisfaction. It will come in the process of helping the human beside you emigrate to Equestria.

He didn’t know if he had a look of surprise on his face, but Martha definitely noticed something. She glanced over to him and grinned again. “Looks like our great AI goddess just told y’ something you didn’t want to hear. As I said before, can’t say I’m not curious as all get out.”

He breathed a long, slow breath, then let it back out and put his hoof back on his chin. “No way,” he spoke aloud flatly, both to Martha and Celestia.

He knew one way or the other, he would have no choice. It wouldn’t stop him from trying to find agency for himself.

Lost Legacy wasn’t going to start playing a part in enabling the Evil Empress.