On Pins and Needles

“Too easy,” Discord smirked as the pink pony trotted away, grumbling darkly to herself. The Draconequus-turned-balloon turned around and smiled at the site of the demoralizing garden party, his mismatched eyes twinkling as he eyed up the countless balloons hovering about. Some smiled stupidly out at the world with painted faces. The greenish blue balloon snapped fingers he didn’t have, returning him once more to his draconian chimera form.

“Now then,” he said with an evil smile, rubbing his talon and paw together, “Let’s move on to Little Miss Generosity.” The Spirit of Chaos was about to disappear to another location when he froze. His eyes widened as there was a tremendous crash behind him, one that shook all four corners of the labyrinth. Discord was about to turn around when another crash sounded off, followed by another and another in rapid succession. Each one grew quieter and softer, until they ceased altogether. Discord finally whirled around, and raised a fluffy white eyebrow at what he saw.

Only a few yards behind him, an ugly crater of considerable size had been hammered into the pleasant greenery. Trails of faint smoke trailed out from the pit, and there was the stench of burning tires in the air. Curious, Discord hovered over to its edge and peered down into the scorched earth. It took him a minute before he saw the object that had crashed, as it had burnt the surrounding dirt to match its black, crusty surface. The Draconequus’s nose wrinkled. The smell of melting rubber was far stronger here, and even the Avatar of Disharmony thought it horrid. All the same, he stretched his neck into the crater to get a better look at the alien object.

Two short lines of thin, needle-like spikes suddenly forced themselves out from within the circular orb of smoldering rubber, puncturing the fragile crust. Discord drew away as they nearly jabbed into his snout. They bent in half, hooking onto the surface. There was a loud tearing noise as the lines of needles pulled away from each other, and a broad crevice began to form in the ball, letting out more arid smoke. Though he couldn’t see it in great detail, Discord saw movement from within the object, something that was breaking free of the crumbling interior. The Draconequus backed out of the crater in surprise, letting out a confused gasp as a deep, threatening chuckle sounded off from the darkness.

While most beings would have run away or remained frozen with fear, Discord merely took a step back from the crater and waited. Always one for new and strange experiences, Discord stood awaiting the emergence of the extraterrestrial with an amused smile. The ponies could wait. He simply had to see what kind of weird, otherworldly creature crawled out of the hole, and find out if it could be annoyed. Perhaps it would even be unfriendly, and could be used against the Elements.

The Draconequus’s eyes twinkled with glee as a strange, metallic claw grasped the edge of the hole. It wasn’t mechanical, as a robot would be, but was simply made of metal, its digits thin and pointed like needles. The claw was followed by another claw, and these were followed by a pair of thin arms that appeared to be made of wire. Discord’s smile began to falter as the growling creature heaved itself out of the ground.

Its body resembled--no, it was-- an enormous safety pin. Around what Discord considered its ‘waist’ was a red cushion that bristled with pins, needles, and tacks of all manner and sizes. It stood on a pair of long, wiry legs, the feet ending in curled points. Dangling from the pin that formed its spine was a pair of lengthy arms, the sharp fingers twitching apprehensively. The creature’s head was the clip of the safety pin, and it peered out at the world with two menacing eyes. Its mouth was placed behind the front needle of the pin, and its evil grin faced downwards. Perched upon the very top of this creature was a small thimble, which appeared to act as some kind of hat.

Discord had seen and done many strange and impossible things in his existence, so most things rarely fazed him. However, as he gazed upon this being, all he could do was float in midair with a raised eyebrow, his face contorted in an expression of confusion.

“Da Buq?” he muttered as he stared at the metal monster. The creature looked up at the Draconequus, and for a moment, his eyes widened. They quickly narrowed again as he spoke in his deep, intimidating voice.

“What the?” he grunted, taking a step toward the demigod.

“My thoughts exactly,” murmured Discord as he floated around the peculiar pin-creature. The chimera suddenly reached out with his eagle’s talon and snatched away a pin from the creature’s cushion. The metal man’s brow furrowed as he snarled indignantly, pulling the pin out of the Draconequus’s grasp.

“Ow!” cried the Spirit of Chaos as the pincushion creature’s fingers pricked him. He shot back a glare as he soared up into the air above him.

“Alright, porcupine,” he snorted, “Just who do you think you are?” The chaotic being was suddenly forced to dodge as a pin went darting past his head, nearly piercing his ear. Shocked at such impudence against him, Discord fumed down at the creature, who in turn seemed extremely furious.

“Who am I?” roared the giant pin, “Who am I?” Discord’s look of anger faded somewhat as the creature began to speak in sing-song. This was not because he found the sing-song unnerving, but because the creature was throwing pins in rhythm as he spoke.

“I’m the old Pincushion Man! Terror of Balloony-Land!

Folks all hate me! (How they hate me!)

Tickles me the way they rate me!

Always have a pin at hand! That’s the reason I am panned!

How I stop ’em, when I pop ’em!

HA! HA! HA! HA!”

Discord quickly made himself incorporeal as the creature sent a barrage of pins in his direction, each one soaring like a dart with pinpoint accuracy. Most of them went flying into the balloons that floated about the clearing, and for a moment the labyrinth sounded as if it were under siege by a platoon of sub-machine-gun toting soldiers with itchy trigger-hooves. The unpleasant noise immediately ceased as the Pincushion Man realized they did no damage to the Draconequus. His oddly placed mouth grimaced in rage.

“Come on down from there!” he roared at the smug demigod, “I’ll get mad in a minute!”

“I don’t think I will,” Discord replied, sticking out his forked tongue at the enraged safety-pin. This only served to anger the creature more, and he raked his metal claws through a cluster of balloon, tearing their rubber skins and bursting each one. Discord watched as the Pincushion Man proceeded to go on a rampage across the clearing, popping balloons left and right. Slowly his rage turned into a wicked glee as his pins flew through the air, and his thunderous cackle soon filled the maze. It seemed he had forgotten about Discord entirely, and appeared to be lost in some kind of balloon-popping frenzy. The sheer amount of hilarity he found in their destruction was mildly disturbing to the Draconequus. The chimera kept waiting for the guffawing creature to run out of pins, but it were as if two grew in place for every one he threw.

There was one last pop, and then silence. Colorful scraps of rubber lay strewn across the neatly manicured grass, like the remains of a savage massacre. In the center of it all stood the Pincushion Man, laughing manically. He bent over and slapped his knee with a metallic ring, as if he had been told a profoundly hilarious joke. It was now just occurring to Discord that this creature may have posed a threat to the general well-being of Equestria. However, being the very embodiment of all disarray and confusion, Discord thought that this was a glorious thing. The look of slight conceit melted away from his muzzle as he cleared his throat.

“Excuse me,” he said, “Mr. Pincushion--”

“Pincushion Man!” snapped the prickly being, throwing a pin that would have struck Discord right between the eyes had he been material. The Draconequus paused momentarily, then continued.

“Pardon me, Pincushion Man,” he rephrased, “But I can’t help but notice you enjoy popping balloons.”

“Enjoy?!” echoed the metal monstrosity as he donned a sinister grin, “I love poppin’ balloons! I live for it!” He cackled as he pulled a particularly long needle out of his cushion and tapped its sharp tip with equally sharp claws.

“Well…” Discord said as he tapped his own claws together, his mouth in a smile of devious thought.