Chapters Sometimes, I think to myself, 'Is my life really worth it?'
Really, I can't see myself doing anything. Time flows yet nothing changes. It's a tiny world I live in, locked in my room every day, staring at a screen for hours on end watching My Little Pony, binging the show from dawn to dusk, eating microwavable meals every day. Every day, I rinse and repeat, do the same thing over and over again. Sigh, time flows on and nothing changes. I've tried changing course, applying to university as a 32 year old man. Fortunately, I was offered a course in psychology a long while back, when I turned 19, but upon learning how unemployable that degree is, and the tens of thousands of dollars of debt I may carry for life... I discontinued, devastated at the news. These days, income is hard to come by. A bad economy and my lack of higher education has made me lose all chances of success. At least my parents have left me this house, and a sizable inheritance.
Mum, dad, thank you. I would not be living without you. Even though you two are gone, I still love you.
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic has been my salvation for the last decade, 2014 to now, 2024. Who knew a show for little girls would be such an important part of my life? Pinkie Pie, you brought laughter in my life. Sometimes a smile is all you need to be happy. Fluttershy, your kindness... I can't get enough of it. Rainbow Dash, you're too awesome. Applejack, you are so invested in your family and you are the most hardworking, honest pony I know. Rarity, you might be generous, but your other side of selfishness is such an interesting character dynamic. Bipolar? I don't know. And last of all, Twilight. You are the embodiment of magic, something I need to brighten up my day for the better, yet... It's just fantasy. True escapism is impossible, but maybe with a bit of magic, it might be possible. Sometimes, I wish magic was real, but the golden years of youth is over. I don't have friends anymore. I don't have love anymore. I am alone, navigating through an endless sea of despair, drifting through the emptiness that is my reality. For years, fictional ponies seemed to be my only friends. I knew they weren't real, but who cares?
I sit down on my chair. 'Aah,' I mumbled. I need to do something about my lack of physical exercise, my bones feel like crumbling at any second. I boot up my computer, navigating to find the next episode of Friendship is Magic. Season 9, Episode 26: The Last Problem. Finally, the binge is going to be over. Over 200 episodes, crammed into only two weeks I need to experience the warmth of sunlight after this. I won't be able to experience the warmth that was emitted from this seemingly insignificant TV show for girls anymore. As I started watching, a revelation struck in my mind. What is this? Twilight ruling by herself? Something resonated with me, and that was the lack of friendship that was immediately shoved in my face. Time. Time was the culprit. An unstoppable force that severs friendships and then, memories. I watched on, seeing the vignettes of a better time, hitting hard. This is exactly what happened to me. I feel so connected to Twilight, yet I couldn't pinpoint it. And then, her council of friendship entered into the room. Luster Dawn was surprised, but I wasn't. Suddenly, a disconnect happened. Why did my friendships fade, but not Twilight's friendships. Although she's ruling by herself, her friendships never faded. But why?
Although I've watched this episode before, something was different. A bittersweet end, yet it was different this time. The end of a show marked a new change. I've watched parts of Gen 5, but I didn't really enjoy it as much as I had hoped. The movie was pretty good, though, like many others, I did doubt Sunny's transformation into a pseudo-alicorn initially, but it grew on me the second time. Tell your Tale was fun to watch, but lacked sustenance. Make Your Mark was... Let's not talk about that. Regardless, it just wasn't the same as Gen 4. Both Friendship is Magic and Equestria Girls felt much more mature, even from the beginning. Subtle character details seemed to just not exist, and it was just too much of a change to deal with. It really wanted to target Gen Alpha, and not older audiences... cough, bronies. I don't hate it, but I don't like it much either.
And how the magic of friendship grows. But where's my friendships? They only faded, not grown. I closed my eyes, lamenting for the better days of my childhood, where innocence and joy filled me with no care in the world for anything negative. And the more I grew up, the more that went wrong. I couldn't take it anymore, but I had to keep pushing forward. Maybe I would be better off I were living in Ponyville instead of this world. I had nothing here. Money and accommodation? Yes. Joy and Friendship? No. Sigh, 2am already. Yep, time goes fast, no doubt, especially when you get lost in your thoughts. When could I ever do? At this point, insignificance is my motto. I simply just exist in this world, doing nothing for the economy, the job market, and even for my own self. It feels like I'm Twilight before all her character development ever happened, when she was just Celestia's bookhorse. Maybe I should just go sleep, stop these thoughts from spiraling out of control. Another day has passed, and I have failed once again to redeem myself. When will I be able to climb out of this massive hole I've dug for myself?
I tried to walk down to my kitchen, holding myself as I navigated down the stairway, my head sagging from fatigue. I swayed from side to side as I forced my eyes open. Why do I suddenly feel so heavy? Ugh, I really need to take a rest. I yawned as I reached the bottom of the staircase, seemingly half asleep. There it was, lying in front of me. My glorious fridge, my source of food and safe haven, preventing me from starvation. I grabbed the milk carton, holding it against my lip, shaking it as the last remaining bit of milk sloshed into my mouth. 'Ah. No more milk. One more thing I have to put on my shopping list for tomorrow,' I muttered, rolling my eyes. I'm too tired for now, I need rest. Walking up into my room again, I stepped up the stairs one by one, yawning as I entered my ravaged room.
'Good Night,' I thought, slamming myself onto my disorganised bed. I may as well rest now, before my brain gets fried even more.
Oh how the magic of friendship grows. If only that was true... Then everything wouldn't be a mess like this. If only those words were true...
But of course it's not. It can't be. Such sublime environments simply don't exist in this world. The innocence that is childhood does not carry on forever. Everybody eventually splits apart, journeying on their own to their destinies, determined purely by chance and nothing else. Sigh.
I wish for a bit of magic. Something that can truly brighten up my day for years to come.
Author's Note
I too, want magic.
Yawn
I could feel the light penetrating my eyelids, light caressing them gently as I snuggle again in my bed sheets. I felt half awake. I don't remember keeping the blinds up yesterday. Maybe I did? I always have them down though. Something felt different, but I couldn't pinpoint what it was, but I was all so tired yesterday night anyway, so I somewhat brushed it off. A few more minutes of sleep I suppose. I really shouldn't think about it too much. I still feel somewhat tired. May as well get this morning drowsiness over with a bit more sleep. But this weird feeling... what could it be?
I tried to open my eyes, the sunlight blinding me as I forced them open. I swayed my head away from the dazzling light. I remembered... I definitely did not have my blinds open last night. I roll over to the right so my eyes would be out of the sunlight. A few seconds pass so my eyes recovered from being blinded, and I try opening them again. They were barely open, and my vision was a bit blurry, but I could still see without too many issues.
This isn't my home. Am I in a dream? The bookshelves, the wooden floor, it seems familiar. This definitely is not my room. Maybe I am in a dream, but if that were the case, this one feels real. Is this what a lucid dream feels like? This place is awfully recognisable to me. And the scent too, it was earthy, but the bed sheets had a subtle sweetness to it. Those carved bookshelves. Is this... the Golden Oak Library?
The drowsiness faded little by little. I rolled to the other side, squinting as to not be blinded by the harsh sunlight.
'Whaa.. T... Twilight?' I blurted out in surprise. That is Twilight, sleeping sound... I hope I didn't wake her up. This was no doubt the Golden Oak Library. Wasn't this place destroyed in season 4? I looked at Twilight. She looked cuter in person than in the show, much cuter in fact.
Twilight twitched a little... Did she hear my utterance? Now that I think of it, that wasn't my voice... It sounded much higher pitched, but still soothing. As I was thinking, Twilight gave off a subtle yawn, slowly opening her eyes as she faced me head on.
'What in Equestria?' She bellowed, suddenly thrashing her wings as she tried to make sense of the situation. 'What are you doing in my bed?'
She was instantly awake from my presence as it seemed. I was lost for words. How would I explain such an awkward situation? What would Twilight think of me? Those wings... I guess chronologically speaking, I'm in season 4.
'I... I...'
Words were not coming out of my mouth.
'I don't know.' I muttered.
'What do you mean you don't know!' Twilight exclaimed, hardly believing my words.
'I just happened to wake up here, I have no idea why though.' I answered, trying to stabilise the situation.
I tried to get out of the bed, climbing out, but something felt completely off. I looked down to realise I had... Hooves?
'I... I'm a pony?' I muttered, confused on the floor.
I realised still have that hoodie I was wearing from yesterday. It even has some bits of cheeto dust littered on it too.
'Yeah, obviously you're a pony.' Twilight answered. 'Have you lost your memory? You're a unicorn!'
She sat on the bed, looking down adamantly into my eyes. I tried to at least sit on the floor, scrambling to stay upright. This was weird. Not a sensation I've ever felt in my life. Stay calm... just... Stay calm.
'I'm... probably not supposed to be here, am I?' I asked.
'Of course not! You're sleeping next to me! You know how unexpected it is to wake up to some random pony sleeping right next to you in the same bed?' Twilight responded in an angry voice.
'I... I'm sorry...' I sulked.
What did Twilight say... I am a unicorn? I brought my hooves up, looking at myself. I just had my dark grey hoodie on, but not the sweatpants. My legs... they were a very light grey, and same with my hooves. I suppose that's the colour of my coat. I lifted my right foreleg up above my head, touching my horn. Rock solid, as expected. I then turned my head around, peering behind to see a bright chestnut coloured tail with a pastel rainbow streak.
Hang on... Where's my butt symbol? I'm a blank flank?
'Are you ok? You seem confused,' Twilight asked, this time, different from before. She wasn't cross anymore, this time more settled down.
'I'm ok,' I answered. This dream was all too real. Now that I think of it, is this even a dream? 'Twilight... I don't know why I'm here. I was just sleeping in my bed, at my home, and I just woke up here, next to you. Am I dreaming?'
'I am 100% certain you're not dreaming, and I don't know how you got here either. Let's hope it's not one of Rainbow Dash's silly pranks.'
Wait... this isn't a dream. No. That's what they always say. There was no way that this could be real. I'm a human, not a pony! Equestria isn't even real! It's just a fictional world! Something wasn't right though... maybe the pinch test would check whether I am still asleep or awake, but I had hooves. Maybe if I tried using both hooves to create a small pinch spot on my rear leg... Ouch! This is real alright... Wait! This is real?
'B... But that's not possible... This is a made up world... By Lauren Faust...' I muttered in disbelief.
'Do you want something to drink? Maybe something to eat? I've never seen your face in Ponyville, are you new here?' Twilight asked. She didn't seem to notice me saying anything, at least I hope she didn't.
'Yes, to the food,' I responded. 'You could say I'm new here.'
'Oh, what would you like? A daisy sandwich? Muffins? What about some of Pinkie's cupcakes?'
'Pinkie's cupcakes? They sound rather tasty...'
'I've never asked, but what's your name?'
I panicked for a quick second. A name? I never thought about that... I can't use the name Riley here.
Reasons
'Distant Haze,' I replied. What a boring name... On second thought, I should've named myself something, lets say, 20% cooler... Something like Fizzle Pop Berry Twist , but that's already taken, nor should I assume the name of a background pony like ~~Colgate~~ Minuette.
'Just call me Hazel.'
Actually, that kinda works. My coat's somewhat close enough to the colour of a distant misty haze of a winter forest, and hazel's close enough to the colour of my mane and tail. Cool, I suppose that all works out in the end, and it's also a human name as well. Double win!
'That's a pretty name,' Twilight said, this time in a neutral to borderline cheerful voice. 'I'll be heading downstairs, come along.'
Thank goodness, or else I'd probably be banished to the moon... No, that would be too extreme. Now that I think of it, something else has been bugging me a bit. This hoodie's been a bit uncomfortable, especially as it drapes on my back. It felt like it was catching on something, and restricting some kind of movement. I should take this thing off before I go downstairs, but I don't have hands as of now. Ah, I know! Magic! I tried to focus on my horn, imagining picking up the bottom of my hoodie, but nothing... Not even a spark was emitted. I turned to using my hooves instead, trying to get under the bottom of the hoodie so I can pull it over my head. A little while of fumbling turned out to be a great success. Operation: Take off my hoodie is a success.
A sudden wave of freedom embraced me. Something felt super breezy. I turned back once again, this time in shock. W... Wings? I... I'm an alicorn!?
Cream coloured, radiant alicorn wings. I sat there in shock. Out of anything I could've been turned into, I'm an alicorn... Am I supposed to be some kind of princess? No. Absolutely not. Twilight didn't even recognise me at first... And looking at my stature, I'm no bigger than Twilight herself. I'm seemingly just an average mare, who happens to have both a horn and a pair of wings. Still, I have achieved freedom. I slowly unfolded them, holding the tip of my left wing with my hooves. These feathers... So soft and so luscious, subtly iridescent in the morning sunlight.
'Are you coming down?' Twilight shouted from downstairs, still setting up the table.
'Uuh, yes,' I answered loudly, 'be there in a bit.'
Should I tell her I'm an alicorn now, or hide it? Should I be honest about everything? Or should I just keep it a secret? I... I don't know. Curse you brain, why aren't you working? Regardless of trying to hide it or not, I had no idea how to put that hoodie back on without using that useless horn of mine.
'Huh?' exclaimed Twilight in disbelief, 'Y... You're an alicorn?'
I jerked back, trying to fold up my wings and knocking myself over into the bookshelf behind me as I created a gush of wind in front of me. Teardrops formed as I turned over, sobbing into my forelegs. Those were not tears of joy, those were tears of despair. What would Twilight say? Of course there's no fifth alicorn in Equestria. Such a great moment, being able to physically see Twilight, but now, all seemed to be lost to me.
A sudden warmth embraced me. I opened up my eyes, looking up to see Twilight wrapping her wing around me.
'You should go downstairs and eat some of those cupcakes, they'll definitely cheer you up,' She assured. 'We can talk about everything once you feel better.'
Thank God... No... Thank Celestia that she's not cross or even questioning my existential circumstances. I could see in her eyes and her sweet expression that she only wanted to help, even after that initial feud.
Twilight, you are the bit of magic I needed in my life.
I tried to stand up, wings spread out to try compensate for the lack of balance. My humanly bipedal instincts kicked in, making me stand on only my hind legs. My wings and forelegs were fully spread, trying to keep balance, but alas, success was not achieved, leaning too far forward to keep my balance. Thankfully, my hooves hit the ground gracefully. A minor wave of embarrassment flowed through me, causing me to blush ever so slightly.
Something about being on all four legs felt... oddly comfortable. Still, it felt alien to me, but I could get used to this, I hope, but there was an obstacle in my path. Those... Stairs. 'Composure,' I thought, 'Composure.' I put my right foreleg forward, stepping onto the first pair of stairs, and then my hind legs. It was a bit wobbly at first, but it felt oddly natural to be walking like this. I suppose it's something with the physiology of being a pony. Alas, I walked down the stairs one at a time, slowly but steadily, getting more and more familiar with this new pony body of mine.
As I approached the bottom, the table was in full view, along with all the books that were littered around the library. Ah, the nostalgia of the Golden Oak Library. It just felt so homely, and so inviting, the earthy, wooden smell stronger at the bottom. No wonder Twilight got sick of the castle in Castle Sweet Castle. There is such a nice, warm aura here. The table was set up neatly by Twilight... and those rainbow cupcakes...
Twilight followed, walking up to the table, telling me to sit down opposite her. It was a small table and all, but it suited the environment quite well. I slowly walked up, eyeballing the cupcakes. They. Looked. Delectable. Sitting down, I nearly rolled back, barely saving it by instinctively using my wings to regain my balance. Having these wings is quite nice honestly, odd as it seemed at first.
Now, for the tricky part... How am I supposed to eat these cupcakes. I don't have hands, so I can't really grab them, but maybe with two hooves I could at least somewhat grab them. I grabbed one with both my hooves, but it was somewhat slipping. I don't think I'm using enough pressure to hold onto it, but any more than that, it would squish these cupcakes. Still, I persevered, using a slight bit more pressure to hold the cupcake, bringing it up to my mouth. Biting in, all I could taste was sugar. Sweetness was overloading my taste buds. Typical Pinkie I suppose...
'You know you have a horn, right,' Twilight remarked, pointing to her own horn.
'I don't know how to use magic.' I answered, 'Or else I would be using it already.'
'I can try to teach you how to at least levitate things. Every unicorn should be able to do it.'
'Oh, thanks, so how do I do it?'
'Well, I don't really know. It's very natural to me since I've been studying magic for a good chunk of my life, but when I first started out, my parents said to focus on something, and imagine it following where you look,' she explained, effortlessly levitating her sandwich.
'Focus and imagination... I got it.'
I may as well try it on a cupcake. Remembering what Twilight said, I glared at the second cupcake, imagining it floating. A heard a small spark being emitted, and a faint white aura around the cupcake, but it wasn't levitating. Maybe I wasn't trying hard enough? I concentrated on the cupcake, thinking of nothing but it floating. This time, a more intense, golden aura enveloped the cupcake, and it worked. It was levitating. First magic lesson: Success. However, it drained the energy out of me, causing me to drop the cupcake onto the floor. Still, Twilight was softly clapping her hooves, happy at me for performing magic for the first time.
'Great work Hazel,' she cheerfully applauded, but she turned into a more serious tone. 'But, since you're an alicorn, you will need to learn to control your magic too, there is no knowing how much magic potential you have.'
'I can barely levitate anything, what makes you think I have all this magic potential?'
'Well, you just started learning magic, right? Or relearning magic, though I've never known of any unicorn who has forgotten how to use magic.'
'True true.'
'Anyhow, we alicorns embody the characteristics and magic of all three pony tribes: The earth ponies, the pegasi, and the unicorns. You should have much more magic potential than a normal unicorn.'
'Not surprising,' I commented, already knowing this information. After all, I've watched this show for the past 10 years, but still, hearing Twilight explain it to me personally is something to die for.
Third cupcake is the charm I suppose, focusing on the last cupcake that laid before me. This time, getting that golden aura to envelop the cupcake was considerably easier, though still slightly strenuous. I started to imagine it slowly floating towards me. I started to concentrate on the cupcake less and less, instead focusing on the direction of where it was floating towards. I opened my mouth up wide, trying to catch the floating cupcake mid air. I bit into it, the sweetness of success rushing into my mouth. The cupcake remained floating, this time without me thinking about it. Have I mastered levitation already? If so, that was quick... way too quick.
I slowly levitated the rest of the cupcake back onto the table with a very wide smile on my face. It was the smile of success. Still, I knew I had a long way to go with magic. After all, the only magic I know is levitation.
'So, I woke up hearing some pony shout my name, was that you Hazel?'
'Uh, yeah? I mean, I was a bit shocked seeing you up so close and all... I was just surprised, like you were as well...'
'Oh, yeah, sorry about me freaking out as well, surprises can really startle any pony I guess. Were you not a pony before you woke up today?'
'You could say something like that, I suppose.'
'So... Hazel, where are you from?'
'I don't really know,' I replied, stuttering... How am I supposed to answer a question like that?
It would just be better to keep my mouth shut about the real human world. Anything I say now may have Twilight questioning her existentialism. My heart started to palpitate, each second passing as if it were an eternity. Even though this is just an imaginary, false reality, it is still real. I know it.
'Do you not remember where you came from?'
Should I lie? Yes. Honesty will not work in a moment like this.
'No, I don't really.'
'Oh...' Twilight sighed. 'Have you maybe lost your memory?'
Sorry Twilight, I just can't say anything about my world. I do not want you to open Pandora's Box, and I can't just say that I'm from a dimension where you are just a character from a cartoon show made for girls.
'I'm not sure. I don't particularly remember anything before today.'
Alas, I tried to levitate the remaining half of the cupcake, this time somewhat naturally. I didn't have to focus to levitate it anymore, but I need some practice with spatial awareness and coordination. I tried to peel the wrapper off. Slowly does it. As the cupcake separated from the wrapper, I levitated slowly towards my mouth, biting the cupcake whole. Magic.
'Twilight, thanks for the cupcakes!'
'No problem, it's the least I can do,' Twilight replied, this time with a cheerful tone.
'Thank you, Twilight.'
'I know you might not remember, but are you by any chance from another world? I'm just too curious.' she asked curiously, rubbing her hoof on the ground in a small circle.
'Yes, but I don't know anything about that world. I just know that I'm not from this world.' I answered, noticing Twilight's slight disappointment.
'And you magically appeared in my bed, out of anywhere... That's odd. I do know of another world, but the portal only opens every 30 moons, and only through that portal you can travel between the worlds.'
Ah, the mirror portal from Equestria Girls. I know a certain mint coloured pony who would like to jump through that portal...
'But you appeared out of nowhere. I don't know of anything like that happening to my knowledge. Actually, how do you know my name if you lost your memories?' She added.
'I'm not too sure, I don't particularly know how I do. I don't think all my memories seem to have been forgotten. I still remember my name, and I do remember sleeping in bed yesterday night, just not here.'
But the truth is, I remember everything. Twilight, sorry for the lack of honesty.
'Well, I do know a little about memory erasing magic, but I don't know of any ways to recover wiped memories. Either it was due to magic or somehow you forgot everything.'
Twilight was thinking hard, hoof on her chin. 'I'm afraid there's no way I can think of to help you regain your memories.'
'Oh...'
Well, that's not really an issue, is it? It didn't feel great to be lying to Twilight, but I gotta do what you have to do to keep secrets secret. Existentialism really is one hard topic to process... Especially now, am I living in reality, or am I living in imagination?
'I suppose you don't have anywhere to stay for the night, right?'
'What makes you think I do?'
'You can stay here with me for a while if you'd like. I can set up a small bed for you upstairs next to mine. You don't snore, do you?'
'I dont think so...'
'Just be sure that there will be a small dragon who also stays here. His name is Spike. He's my number one assistant. Actually, he's my only assistant.'
Ah, that small purple dragon. Why did I forget about him? Maybe it's because of his lack of presence for now. I'm going to take a wild guess and say he's going gem hunting with Rarity, or doing morning errands. I don't know what time it is exactly right now, but judging from what I saw upstairs, the sun was quite high up in the sky, probably late morning. Twilight doesn't seem to be the kind of pony to sleep in late... Maybe it's just a characteristic of how the day-night cycle works here.
'I'll be in your care. Thank you, Twilight.' I answered, trying hard to keep in tears of joy.
Author's Note
Finishing breakfast, Twilight stood up, clearing the table in five seconds flat with her magic, including picking up the remains of the cupcake I dropped onto the floor. She walked closer to me, noticing something. She wasn't looking at me directly, she was... oddly focusing on my flank?
'Hazel,' Twilight said curiously, 'You don't have a cutie mark...'
Ah, right, my flank. As far as I know, all adult ponies have cutie marks, and most foals do as well. Actually, I'm pretty sure all ponies in the show have some kind of cutie mark, with the exception of infants. Currently its season 4 that I'm in, that means the only fillies who don't have a cutie mark are Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo, at least that's what I can remember. Oh, and Pipsqueak too... And not to mention some background ponies.
Twilight added, 'I've never seen an adult pony, let alone an alicorn, without a cutie mark.'
If anything, it seemed quite obvious to me why I didn't have a cutie mark. After all, I never really sorted out my life well at all. Schooling came and go, and friends also came and go. I never really had a hobby, and all I did was sit around, do nothing, go on the internet, play games, and that was really it.
I remarked, 'I should have one at this stage, maybe someday I'll have one.'
'Well, it comes eventually, I got mine when I was doing the entrance test to Princess Celestia's school for gifted unicorns. A huge burst of magic flourished within me after Rainbow Dash created a sonic rainboom for the first time.'
What was that episode? Cutie Mark Chronicles or something was it? Now that I think about it, maybe I need a bit of help with getting my very own cutie mark someday. After all, the Cutie Mark Crusaders got their cutie marks eventually. Either that, or I'm like Gummy, the poor gator, flank forever blank, flowing down the river of life to an unknowable destiny...
My destiny. What is it? Do I just exist to live until I die, or is there something special? Am I just here to do nothing? As far as I can tell, the name I now bear checks out. Distant Haze. What is my destiny? Is it just a distant haze? That's got me thinking, did that name just seem to coincide with my current situation? Likely. If it wasn't a coincidence, then it would be probable I would never get a cutie mark, or I would only get one in the distant future.
Regardless of what it was, for now, it seems that my flank is blank. I do hope I can find my kismet hopefully sometime soon. I can't just live the same life I always did. I'm a pony, and I'm in Equestria. I need to make the fullest of this life. Still, I am my former self, it's just that my physical incarnation is wildly different. Maybe destinies carry over between worlds? I can't say for sure, but I hope that doesn't happen.
In any case, I don't think being a blank flank is much of an issue. Being an alicorn is a bigger issue than not having identified my talent or destiny. I still have my hoodie sitting on the floor upstairs, and that seems to hide my wings quite well. Twilight certainly didn't notice until I took it off...
Lost in my thoughts, a familiar voice filled the air, 'I'm back,' it said.
That voice though... It had to Spike. His footsteps frightened me ever so slightly.
I turned to face the staircase corridor on my left, wings unfolded slightly from the initial fright. Since I was in the corner of the room, a bookshelf was covering Spike's line of sight so he couldn't see me.
'Ah, Spike, you're home!' Twilight said, 'I thought you were going to be out with Rarity searching for gems for the entire day.'
'Yeah, Rarity and I were quite lucky today, we found double the gems than she anticipated this morning.' Spike replied with a slightly embarrassed tone.
'I have a guest here in the library,' Twilight added.
Hearing that, Spike inched forward bit further, walking into the library to see me sitting opposite of Twilight.
'She's an alicorn?' Spike asked, looking at Twilight, slightly confused upon first sight.
'Yeah.' Twilight answered, pointing at me.
'Hi there,' I said, gesturing with my hoof. 'You're name is Spike, right?'
My wings were still open to some degree, some of the feathers touching the ground. I tried to smile, but it felt a bit awkward, especially as I already knew Spike. It felt like a reintroduction, not an introduction. Still, seeing Spike in real life... I know Spike is cute and all, but I didn't expect him to be that cute... Though, he's a bit bigger than I remember in the show. He's definitely taller and slightly more muscular than in the show, especially around the joints. Regardless, he looks far better in person than in Gen 5.
'What's your name?' Spike asked, scratching his head. I presume he's in a little bit of shock.
'Distant Haze,' I replied, keeping up the smiling facade. 'Just call me Hazel.'
'Yep, your eyes aren't deceiving you Spike, We have another alicorn in town,' Twilight added, seemingly excited.
'I thought it was just Princess Celestia, Luna, Cadence, and you...' Spike commented.
'Apparently not anymore. She came from another world, or at least that's what she said. Sadly, she lost her memory, so I've taken her in for the time being so she's going to be living with us for a while.' Twilight replied, this time being slightly enthusiastic.
Hearing that made a wave relaxation caress my body. Twilight, the kindness you have... It warms my heart. And your trust in me... I know I have been dishonest, but still... Twilight, you've grown a lot since you moved to Ponyville, and you really do deserve those wings.
If anything, I would've expected her to hate me, especially what happened initially, but no. She... befriended me. It seemed like she realised that I wasn't a threat, or arrived with aggression in mind. Is this... what friendship is all about?
'How did she get her wings?' Spike asked Twilight.
'I don't know... Hazel, do you remember?'
'No, not really,' I answered, 'Didn't I tell you Twilight? I don't really remember anything before today.'
Hmm, I'm regaining a bit of confidence now... I can keep this amnesia facade up, I hope. As long as I don't just reveal too much information, I should be ok. Still, I do fear somebody may figure it out, but as long as I don't reveal they're cartoon characters, it should be all fine. However, this is not a cartoon that I'm in, this is reality, or at least, seems like reality. There is still the possibility this is all just a dream, but it seemed all too consistent to be one.
Usually, a dream would just come and go, switching environments, or entities appearing and disappearing. But this is different. I've yet to have any of those occurrences, and the experience of being in this pony body is all too real. I don't think the classic pinch test would do anything to verify this as a dream. Still, the thought of being in Equestria as a pony is outlandish to say the least. In any case, it's just not possible. Magic is not real, but for all I can say, magic is real. Heck, I can even perform magic, albeit very simple magic. What if this really was just a dream?
No, that's not what matters... What about the real me, in the real world? If my existence in Equestria is in fact, real, what is the real me doing? My consciousness now lies in the body of this alicorn mare, not the human body that it once inhabited. Is the real me simply on autopilot, separate from my consciousness, or has its existence been wiped from the face of the earth?
It also seemed odd to me that nothing but my hoodie was transported with me. No pants, no phone, no nothing, just the hoodie and the Cheeto dust on it from last night.
Though, if anything, why did I get transported to Equestria? Why am I an alicorn of anything?
'Hazel?'
'Hazel...'
'Wha..?' I mumbled, seemingly looking toward the floor, mouth slightly drooling from the lack of response earlier.
I shook my head, ridding myself of any thoughts that remained. It seemed as being a pony finally unlocked a deeper form of cognition all of a sudden, especially as I reflect on this situation. Still, it seemed like I shouldn't particularly worry about it, especially since what has happened... well, has happened.
'Are you ok there?' Twilight asked with a slightly worried tone. 'You've zoned out for a minute or two.'
'H... Have I?'
'Yeah,' Spike added.
'Are you feeling alright though?' Twilight asked, this time as she walked close up to me. 'Do you want a glass of water, or maybe a bit of outside air?'
'I'll have that glass of water,' I responded, my head still a bit foggy from that thought train earlier.
'Spike,' she called.
He dashed over to the small sink, filling the glass full, but not to the brim, walking back carefully as to not spill any water. He held the water in front of me, expecting me to levitate it out of his hand. Sigh, once again, I have to use magic, this time on something that has a risk of spillage.
'Spike, can you put it on the table?'
'Sure thing.' he replied.
Looking at the glass of water... How are ponies supposed to grab those things? If anything, it's just a normal glass, nothing special that would let an earth pony or pegasus grab it. To be fair though, a pegasus can just grab anything with their wings, but what about the earth pony?
Alas, I should stop thinking about all this. I need to evict these thoughts from my mind and just experience the moment. I levitated the glass of water, this time somewhat effortlessly. Still, I had to physically see the glass of water, and I also had to actively think of its trajectory, but I didn't have to focus on anything. It felt more natural than ever, though coordination still needs some work.
I took a big gulp of water, the glass held up with nothing but magic. A cold, refreshing gulp it definitely was, washing out my thoughts and keeping me in the moment, and not to forget, rinsing out some of the residual sweetness from the cupcakes that was still lurking in my mouth. No wonder Discord wanted that small glass of water...
A subtle chime resonated across the room, it was faint but distinct. 'I'll be tending to the library downstairs, there's somepony there and I haven't yet organised those books!' Twilight exclaimed to me, 'Spike, come along. And Hazel, just stay up here, I don't think anypony else seeing an alicorn out of the blue is a good idea.
'Alright, whatever you say.'
Twilight trotted off down the stairs, Spike following her closely behind. I don't remember the library having a door chime... I've never actually heard it in the show, but it does seem logical to have one. I do think this world is canon, though... since I am here now, that is not the case anymore. I would be directly affecting the story of this show simply due to my existence.
In some sense, it felt like I was the omniscient narrator, but also, it wasn't like that. I know everything that proceeded this moment, but not anything more than that. I do not know exactly what any character is doing at any one point, nor am I able to foreshadow anything that may arise in the future, since although I know everything that will happen that is canon to the show, but since I now exist in the story, perhaps alterations may happen. After all, Starlight's seemingly minor action of stopping Rainbow Dash's first sonic rainboom did make Equestria into a war-stricken dystopia...
What is my role in this world? Am I simply an observer, or am I supposed to play a role in this world? I am influencing the characters in this show, and in turn, altering the story and in turn, changing the future. Is this my purpose in this world No... I refuse to believe that... What if I'm just in this world without a concrete reason?
More importantly, am I supposed to make my own story come to fruition here in Equestria, or am I supposed to play along with what already exists? Nothing seemed to be fully clear. It felt like I somehow lost my purpose, not knowing what my role was in this world, and even the real world by extension.
After all, I am here in Equestria, and I am a pony. A new life has been given to me, a second chance to live life to the fullest. I may as well experience life as a pony to its fullest, and I should rid myself of these thoughts of existentialism and my purpose here.
I tried to stand up, initially trying to stand on two legs, but the lack of balance forced me back on four legs. Sigh, being a pony sure is hard at first. I thought I somewhat got used to having hooves, and four legs. I know I will get used to it eventually, it's just a matter of when. Stretching a bit to loosen up the muscles a bit, I swayed my neck from left to right slightly to hopefully get a bit more used to having it be bent all the time while standing. Although it felt natural at an instinctive level, it was an odd sensation. Alas, the sight of my blank flank struck my eye once again.
The time isn't now, but eventually, I will have a cutie mark. I know it.
Author's Note
In reality, I just forgot about the cutie mark when I was initially drawing the cover...
I found it quite interesting, so I kept it that way
I walked around aimlessly around the place, trying to get used to walking on four legs. It seemed wrong yet so right at the same time. It felt awfully natural, but somewhere in my head, it just didn't feel right. The more I walked around, the more comfortable it became, and a minute of walking later, it became instinctive to do so. In any case, I didn't think I would get used to walking as a pony that quickly, but then, it didn't take long for Twilight and Rainbow Dash to figure out being ponies during their spring breakdown.
Now that I'm feeling mostly comfortable with walking on level ground, its time to try go up and down stairs. Of course, not the stairs downstairs to the public area, but the stairs leading up to Twilight's sleeping quarters. The steps were quite wide and lengthy, with a gradual incline, much friendlier than the ones leading downstairs.
I walked up to the first step, taking a deep breath, trying to relax my muscles. Hoof by hoof, one by one, I walked up, but not without some difficulty. Changing elevation felt a bit off-putting, especially as I have no idea as to to where my hind legs were, often feeling like I might clip my rear hooves on the edge of the stairs. After a few steps though, I got more comfortable, and it felt like I knew what I was doing better. I'm definitely starting to get more comfortable with my motor skills.
Upon reaching the top, I congratulated myself with a very wide smile. It was the dopamine, and it started to kick in hard. Looking to my left, I could see the entire second floor of the library, packed with books upon books. Surprisingly, there wasn't much else, just a small kitchen, and up here, Twilight's sleeping quarters.
There also seemed to be a small vanity up here, complete with a round mirror. A cream alicorn looked back.
That's me, there's no doubt in that.
I am a mare... I don't particularly mind the change in gender, that's honestly fine by me. My voice has changed too, definitely higher pitched, around an octave higher... No, maybe a little less than an octave. Nothing else has really changed though, I still retain the same smoothness as my male voice, and my but it doesn't bother me too much. Like everything else, I'll just get used to it over time... though, I don't really think that's something to care about. To be fair, I don't really notice it.
Otherwise, it seems as the pastel rainbow streak is also present in my mane, consistent with my tail. A few other coloured strands are also present in my mane. It also seems that my mane is tied up... just like how it was when I went to sleep last night. That means... everything that was on the upper half of my body happened to be transported to Equestria along with me. Odd, but nothing too out of the blue. Something similar happened with Sci-Twi's glasses when she went to Equestria on that fateful spring break.
Maybe it's just magic doing its thing. Some things are better left just explained by magic, opposed to any meaningful logic. Still, I didn't think magic would extend to the real world and place me into a world full of technicolour ponies.
That wasn't important though, nothing is more important than the absolute cuteness of ponies, and me... I am just that, insanely cute. Finally, one of my wishes in life has been fulfilled. The cheeks, the large eyes, and that muzzle. It's just so foreign to me but so familiar, but that didn't matter to me at all. The cuteness overload is frankly the most important thing by far.
I don't really have a reference for how big I am though, but one thing is for sure, I do feel much closer to the ground compared to being a human. Thinking about it, I do remember when human Rainbow Dash rode her pony counterpart in the Equestria Girls bloopers.
I do expect myself to be under 150cm, definitely a bit smaller than ponies in the real world, no, maybe the same size? Not that it matters too much I don't think. What matters more is the wildly blown anatomical structures of these ponies. They are by no means similar to their real life counterparts at all, especially the thick legs and small, stout muzzle, and not to mention, the mostly front facing eyes. I don't notice a wider field of view at all... maybe a slight bit wider, but it may as well placebo. Regardless, those anatomical features definitely make these ponies look excessively cute.
I reach my fore hoof up to my head, gently pushing my mane aside to reveal the base of my horn. Examining it, the horn is somewhat cold and hard, not particularly sharp though. It seems like it's the same size as Twilight's horn, nothing too out of the blue there. I can somewhat 'feel' things with the horn, I can tell if something is touching it, but nothing more than that. It does feel weightless, and it doesn't feel like a protrusion out of my head. If anything, I just forget that it even exists.
Twilight's been downstairs for a long while now. She's probably organising the books, or she's out to solving a friendship issue or something. Ponyville is one heck of a chaotic town, and now there's a new alicorn in town. Still not as chaotic as Discord's chaos realm, but I would say Ponyville is only second to that. Although, it seems quite peaceful today, or it may just because I haven't been outside yet.
I suppose that's enough of looking at myself in the mirror. I turned around, cautiously walking down the stairs. This time, it felt very natural to do so, at least when it comes to my dexterity. There was still a small sense of fear instilled by the fact there was no railing. Sigh, these ponies really don't understand how safety guidelines for building work... or they might not even exist for all I know.
I turned around, aiming to go downstairs once again. One step at a time, that's the key. It really does feel different going down these stairs compared to going up. I think it's probably the fear of tripping and tumbling down contributing that certain extra bit of fear when going down stairs. Being slow and steady is what will help me grab a stable footing, and unsurprisingly, I got down safely.
I really think I'm used to being on all fours, but something irks me. Those wings... I have yet to start flying, and I have yet to figure out how to control them properly. They are two extra limbs which don't particularly correlate to anything I've had before. For now, I suppose all I can do is just extend and retract, and that's really it. It feels like stretching two arms that happen to stem from my back? No, not really... But that's the closest I can get to explaining how that feels.
But those wings though, I remember first looking at them. They are super soft and feathery, at least from what I remember. Maybe I might try and check it out again... Yep, that's what I'm gonna do. I extended my wings, trying to bring them forward, which somewhat succeeded, but it didn't really get brought forward as much as I thought. Instead, it went up and forward. Maybe it would be better off if I sat down instead of standing.
Sitting down definitely helped a lot. Trying to bring it forward definitely brought it forward, which, in this case, I was flapping it downwards. Wings really aren't supposed to go off axis, I suppose. The more you know.
Some of the feathers are slightly scuffed from the initial panic, only some being bent out of place. These aren't bird feathers. They're very tough in build, but still soft. Definitely alicorn wings... I have yet to see pegasus wings though, but they definitely don't look the same as alicorn wings at least in the show. I presume they would look similar in reality, but the overall shape of my wings is more reminiscent of what you see for alicorns.
Regardless of the wing shape and size, it's magic that enables flight. Still, it would be nice to see whether I can have fine motor control for my wings. It would be super nice to use them as pseudo hands, like some pegasi do. Not sure, but I feel like that would be super cool, but I have unicorn magic, so it would be quite low on the priority list if anything. It really is a blessing to have a horn when picking things up would require holding the item with your mouth or finessing it with your hooves.
Thank God... No... Thank Celestia.
I can't seem to imagine living as a pony without unicorn magic. Hands are useful... no scrap that. Hands are essential, especially when the only alternative is something so excessively inconvenient. I pity the earth ponies, living with only hooves.
Those wings though, when am I going to ever be airborne? I don't think it will happen anytime soon... but that's going to be one of my goals, I guess. Sooner or later, I will be able to fly, unless I'm cursed like Scootaloo. Let's hope that's not the case... though that wouldn't be much of a problem. I'm afraid of heights anyway, so the thought of flying around is quite unsettling, but that also means that I do have a safety mechanism if I do fall off a ledge, or a hot air balloon, or a pegasus towed carriage.
Footsteps emerged from the stairwell. I swear my hearing has improved, but it's not really something that's immediately noticeable. If I can remember correctly, horses have a wider hearing range, and their hearing sensitivity is much higher than a human.
It was Spike. 'Hey, Hazel, Twilight's just helping Lyra with some research, she thought you may want some company,' he announced, walking up to me.
'That's very Twilighty of her,' I commented, chuckling ever so slightly. 'When's she going to be finished?'
'Sooner or later, not sure.'
'Hmm, Lyra?'
'Do you know her? Does her name ring a bell for you?'
'Somewhat, yeah.'
'She's quite well known here in Ponyville.'
'I figured.'
'And she's got a wild obsession with humans and especially hands.'
So she really does have that obsession... That's good to know... Lyra is definitely true to what I've always thought of her.
'So, you want anything Hazel?' Spike added.
'Not really, I'm fine for now. I do want to learn to fly someday.'
'You... can't fly?'
'No, not really.' I explained, 'I can flap them and generate wind though.'
I mean, having the wings is what counts. I'd argue that having a horn is more important than wings, at least for a human turned pony, but having the wings... it's a nice addition as something to have. It also means I can stand, and sleep on clouds, in which all of a sudden, I have an urge to fly up to a cloud and start sleeping on it.
'I know a pegasus who can teach you how to fly.' Spike suggested, though slightly hesitant.
'Who's that pegasus?'
'She's a close friend of Twilight. Her name's Rainbow Dash.'
Oh, her. Why did I not initially expect it to be Rainbow Dash? I mean, who else would be teaching me how to fly? The flight instructors over at Cloudsdale? No, they'll throw me into the rainbow factory. The Wonderbolts? No, Spitfire would just incessantly yell at me. Not sure if Rainbow Dash would do the same. She does have that very soft, cute side, but sometimes she can be a bit rough around the edges.
'Sure thing.'
I'd be completely up to actually learn to fly. I don't expect the basics to be very hard, just like magic, but I could be completely wrong at the same time. Something tells me that flying is much harder than learning basic magic. In any case, I don't think I will be learning any higher level magic either, at least for the time being. It would be interesting to do so sometime though.
It would be super nice to see the outside world though. I've been in this library since this morning. For once, I have an urge to see the world, something that never came to my mind before this. It's an odd sensation when I think about it. So many things have just changed, and in some ways, for the better.
I want to experience living as a pony, properly, that is. It sucks to be stuck in the library for the while. How would other ponies react to a random other alicorn roaming down the street? Though, I don't really think it would be much of an issue. Twilight's transformation didn't cause much of a ruckus... so I don't think I would cause that much of an uproar...
I hope I will just blend in, or I can cover those wings with that hoodie of mine. That would be the best course of action if anything, though I'd prefer my wings to be free of obstructions. That's another observation I somewhat noticed. Having wings gives a really strong sense of freedom, but they can feel very constricted with something blocking them.
These wings are somewhat of a hassle for the time being, before I learn how to fly, that is. Once I'm off the ground, they will have much more use... until I start learning to teleport or self-levitate. Unicorns really are the most powerful, at least when regarding only the most powerful ones. I don't know of any individual earth pony or pegasus as powerful as certain unicorns like Starlight.
Which, that makes me wonder... why am I an alicorn? Is there some kind of hidden reason behind it? If anything, I am nothing too significant, at least to the extent of my knowledge, in both Equestria and the real world. I can understand if Lauren Faust got teleported here, or even one of the My Little Pony script writers, but me, a random dude who just watches the show.
Maybe it's salvation, or it could be punishment for all I know. What I do know is that I'm an alicorn mare who happened to wake up in Twilight's bed. Only time will tell what will happen from now on.
