Author's Note

Hi everyone, long time no see.
I’ve been working on this for a few days now. The idea has been bugging me ever since the premier of Newbie Dash, and since I relapsed with my eating disorder, I’m using MLP fic writing to vent and cope again.
I figured I’d post what I got so far and see if anyone’s even interested in this. Cheers.

Update: I took this down after receiving some truly crushing hate comments (not on fimfic) that killed my already fragile confidence, but I also had two caring people message me on here about me taking this story down, so I am re-submitting it for those who like it, and the haters can just click on the X on the page and get on with their lives.

This story is about the struggles that come with living with a mental illness and trying to recover while their brain is trying to kill them. If that’s not your cup of tea, then that’s absolutely fine! Nobody is forcing you to stick around
For everyone else: welcome back and I hope you enjoy

Chapter 1

“Every pony knows you’re a great flier, Rainbow Dash. But so are the rest of the Wonderbolts. It might be more challenging than you think.” Twilight, ever the voice of reason, tells Dash, decreasing her ego instantly.

Well, at least a tiny bit.

“You’re right… maybe I should put sunglasses on-”

Spitfire explains the schedule to Dash as they walk around campus. They enter the dressing rooms, where Spitfire looks for the tailored suit for Rainbow Dash.

“Well, go ahead, try it on and then we’ll go for warmups.” The leader tells her, and Dash’s pupils grow large once again when she lays eyes on the Wonderbolt suit that is officially her own.

Spitfire continues to tell her about the specially prepped meals that are served in the canteen, when problems start to arise, in the form of Dash not able to squeeze herself enough to close the zipper. “We have to make sure to get enough protein, so- What’s going on?”

Panting a bit from trying to suck in her stomach to make herself leaner, without success, Dash asks, “are you sure these are the correct measurements?”

“Well, yeah. They used the same ones that they used to make the suit at Rainbow Falls.” The leader replies, confused. She tries the zipper herself, to no avail. Inspecting Dash’s midriff, she remarks, “looks like you’ve put on a few pounds since then.”

Utterly humiliated, Dash’s heart sinks whilst Spitfire seeks out a larger suit from an ex-Wonderbolt. “Here, try this one.” She says, handing it over.

It looked huge in comparison to what Dash was supposed to wear, and at first she couldn’t help scoffing, but then simply did as she was told.

To make matters worse, this bigger size was more manageable, but still just a bit tight around her middle. She doesn’t bother saying anything, though, just glad to be able to close the zipper this time around.

“Alright, grab your goggles and then let’s go.” Spitfire says, leading the way.

After they trained the choreography and Dash was struggling to memorise it, the team called for a break, and they all went to the cafeteria after a quick shower, after which Dash had spent an extra two minutes in front of the mirror, trying and failing to suck in her stomach to make herself look lean.

At the cafeteria, she was almost ravenous, always getting an appetite from workouts.

“Woo-hoow, slow down there, Dash!” Fleetfoot laughs. “You’re going to have to wear one of Soarin’s suits tomorrow if you keep eating like that.”

Absolutely mortified as the others laughed, Dash could no longer bring herself to eat the other half of her food. She goes airborne and brings her tray over to the empty rack, before flying back outside to try going over the choreography on her own.

“That was way out of line.” Spitfire scolds her partner seriously.

“Yeah, but did you see the pudge on her? She was way better in form at Rainbow Falls. Are you sure she’ll be able to keep up?” Fleetfoot asks.

“She was pretty exhausted after we got through it, earlier.” Soarin adds, a bit worried that Fleetfoot was right.

“She made it through it well enough. She deserves this chance, and you will stop mocking her for putting on a bit of weight. We’ve all been there.” Spitfire says in a no-nonsense manner.

The others nod, looking guilty, and quickly finish eating their food to get back to training.

By the time Dash finally arrived at her home, she was utterly exhausted, and hungry, and simultaneously had no appetite at all.

Opening the door, she’s met with a confetti explosion and her friends yelling “Surprise!”.

Dash doesn’t even know how to react.

“We know you’re probably tired, Rainbow Dash, but Pinkie wanted to throw you a real party.” Twilight explains cheerfully.

“Your Best Day Ever Party!”

They all wanted to know about her day, but Dash would like to just pretend this day never happened. Especially with Scootaloo and her friends also present. She didn’t want to disappoint her sister slash biggest fan by telling them that she’s gotten too fat to fit into her own tailored suit.

How utterly pathetic is that? Just thinking about it makes her feel even worse.

“I’m pretty beat..” she excuses herself, thanking her friends for coming but that she needs to be rested up for tomorrow.

Every pony accepts it and takes their leave, except for a certain purple alicorn. When she goes towards Dash’s bedroom, she could see her cyan friend doing different poses in front of a full body mirror, looking very displeased and even lowering her wings a bit to hide her belly from view.

“Rainbow?” Twilight announces herself softly, but it still startles Dash half to death. “What are you doing?”

Knowing that she was caught red-hooved, Dash sighs. “Twilight, do you think that I’m….. fat?” She asks hesitantly, opening her wings to show all of herself.

Twilight frowns, tilting her head in confusion. “Of course not! What makes you think that?”

“Well….” She sighs again. “Remember that competition at Rainbow Falls?”

Twilight nods.

“They’d taken my measurements back then, and made me a tailored suit with those, but it turns out that I gained weight and I don’t fit…” she finally admits.

Twilight walks closer to her. “Dash, that was over two years ago. Anyone would have gained or lost weight in that time. And besides, as Rarity always says: clothes are made for ponies, not the other way around. Just let them take new measurements and get it adjusted.”

Dash still doesn’t look very happy about that, even if it was the logical solution. To her, it made a lot more sense to simply get back to her old figure. Why go through all that trouble of making adjustments to something that should have fit her from the start?

“I don’t think all the Wonderbolts just get everything adjusted all the time, Twilight.”

“Maybe not, but with their tight regime, I don’t think there’s ever much to adjust in the first place.” The alicorn replies logically. “Rainbow, it was your first day. Don’t let something insignificant like a bigger size mess up your dream.”

Dash sighs, looking back at the mirror. “You don’t happen to have any spells that could temporarily change me back to my old shape?”

Twilight looks sternly at her friend for a moment. “No. But why are you so obsessed about this? You finally get to be a Wonderbolt, your lifelong dream!”

Swallowing down further comments and insecurities, Dash just smiles at her. “You’re right, Twilight. I just have to get the routine down, and then I’ll be flying with my idols at a Wonderbolt Show.”

Thinking that she’s finally gotten through to her, Twilight grins. “And we will all be there to cheer you on.”

“Thanks, Twilight.”

Despite wanting to get enough sleep, Dash simply couldn’t stop thinking about her weight. Her stomach, despite not having eaten since the protein rich lunch at the compound, felt heavy and bloated as she laid there.

By two a.m., she’d figured out a plan. She would just not eat anything tomorrow, put in double the work, and given her very high Pegasus metabolism, she should hopefully fit into her own suit by the time of their performance.