The Diary of Marble Pie

Dear Diary,

Today was hard. AGAIN. I woke up feeling like there was a weight on my chest, like I could barely breathe. I didn’t want to get out of bed, didn’t want to face the world. But I forced myself to get up. Because what else can I do?

I tried to keep busy, to distract myself from the pain. I helped Maud with some chores while she’s still around the farm, even though my heart wasn’t in it. I tried to focus on the task at hoof, but my mind kept wandering back to Big Mac, to Sugar Belle, to the way they looked so happy together.

It’s like a cruel joke, like the universe is laughing at me. "Look at what you can’t have, Marble. Look at the happiness that will never be yours." I can’t escape it. No matter where I go, no matter what I do, it’s always there, lurking in the back of my mind.

I saw Pinkie again today. She was baking more treats, always so gosh darn happy ALL. THE. TIME. Always getting ready for another party. She asked if I wanted to join her again, but I couldn’t. I can’t be around other ponies right now, can’t pretend to be happy when I’m not. So, I made an excuse and went back to my room.

I spent most of the day there, writing and trying to make sense of my feelings. I drew Big Mac, well, I drew him with me saying: “I love you Marble!” It’s the only thing that gives me hope, seeing his big strong head looking at me from atop those muscular shoulders, saying he wants me in his life. That makes this pain a little more bearable. But even that isn’t enough sometimes. Sometimes, the pain is just too much, too overwhelming. More like all the time.

Goodnight.

Marble Pie