The Diary of Marble Pie

Dear Diary,

It’s the last day of the year, yaaay (jk not really) and I feel like nothing has changed. I’m still the same broken, lonely pony I’ve always been. I thought maybe things would get better, that I’d find a way to be happy. But it’s just wishful thinking. Nothing ever changes.

Maud and Mudbriar are planning something special for tonight. Probably like a date night for the holiday. A way to welcome the new year together. They’re so wrapped up in each other, so perfectly in tune. I can’t stand it. I can’t stand seeing them so happy when I’m so miserable. It’s like a constant reminder of everything I’ll never have.

And Pinkie... She’s throwing a huge party, of course. She just loooooves the New Years’ festivities. She invited me, but I can’t go. I can’t be around all those ponies, pretending to be happy when I’m not. It’s too much. I’d rather stay here, alone, in the darkness where I belong.

I tried to talk to Maud about how I’m feeling, but the words... How do you explain to your sister that you envy her so much it’s tearing you apart? How do you tell her that her happiness makes you feel like you’re drowning in your own misery? I couldn’t do it. I just stood there, feeling more alone than ever.

I feel like my soul was broken up into a million tiny shards by life a long, long time ago; I get now that there really is something fundamentally wrong with me. Why can’t I be more like Maud, more steady and strong? Why can’t I be more like Pinkie, more vibrant and loved? It’s not fair. It’s never been fair. Story of my life, I guess.

Farewell.

Marble Pie