MORE Ponies in My House!

I came down the stairs to see my living room in shambles. I could see the bathroom door was ajar, and there were hoofprints going in and out of it; my fridge had been raided of all veggies and fruits, so there was a pile of banana peels, corn cobs, and empty grape stems in the trash; I had one lime-green pony with a horn passed out on my couch, my other two friends still laughing and tossing back suds, 'Stuck-Up Bitch' glaring at me as soon as I appeared, and my carpet damn near covered in empty beer cans.

So, minus the ponies, it was a pretty normal day.

Her Highness followed me out of my room, then stopped and frowned as she saw the state of my home. "Unacceptable!" she said as I watched her light that weird horn of hers. In a flash, all of the beer cans were picked up and deposited into a huge trashbag, and all of the food remnants gathered and piled into another; then she quickly pulled the beers from Dash and the blonde pony as she glared at them. They both blinked stupidly at their empty hooves for a moment, then turned and looked at the Princess at the same time.

I was glad I couldn't understand their language, for whatever they were saying to her didn't seem to be...nice. She stood and waited patiently until they'd finished, then offered some...retort...of her own. Like I said, I couldn't understand them, but whatever it was she said must have gotten through to their drunken brains, for they both blushed as they looked around my living room, then at each other. The apple one removed her hat and said something that must have been an apology of sorts, followed by Dash, and then they got up and staggered to the door.

"Wait!" I yelled as I came down the stairs. "It's cool," I said as I gestured around the room, "...my friends leave an even bigger mess whenever they come over...you all don't have to leave." I offered a smile as the two paused and looked back at me. "You don't have to go." Though they didn't understand my words, they returned my smile as I knelt down and held out my arms. "C'mon you two, bring it in!" They bounded over and nearly knocked me on my ass as they leaped into my arms. I laughed and hugged them tightly, then I took off the apple one's hat as her eyes grew wide and started in on her ears. I didn't leave "Bolt" out either, so I soon had two helpless ponies under my grubby mitts!

Then, I heard what sounded like a sniffle, so I looked back over my shoulder. Only to see Her Highness and 'Stuck-Up Bitch' staring at us with unmistakable envy in their eyes. I was fine with giving Twilight ear scritches...but the haughty one could touch grass as far as I was concerned. She must have read my face, for she frowned, then tossed her head in the air with a "hmmph!" and turned her back on us. But not before I saw a single tear slide down her face, so it must have been her I heard choking back a sob. Aww, hell...I'm not a monster...and I can't stand to see a chick cry.

Even if the chick is a pony.

So I gave "Apple Pony" and "Bolt" one last vigorous scritch, then stood and approached the white one. She must have felt my presence, for she gasped and looked back at me. I smiled down at her as I waggled the fingers of one hand, looked pointedly at her ears, then back to her face, and raised an eyebrow. She gave me the most brilliant smile, nodded quickly, then turned to face me and bowed her head.

From her enthusiastic response to my non-verbal question, I should have known what would happen next.

As soon as I began scratching her ears, her eyes rolled back in her head, and she started...moaning...

I felt my stomach roil as I bared my teeth in a grimace...but kept going, trying to get this over with as fast as I could! But when her moans grew louder, and she lolled out her tongue, that was it! I jerked my hand back and took a step away. She appeared to be in such rapture that she didn't notice I'd stopped, then she wiggled her ears and looked up at me with her bottom lip stuck out. The confusion and hurt look on her face made me almost sorry...almost! I quickly retrieved my pen and paper, scribbled an explanation, then showed it to her:

No. MOANING!

She stared blankly at the page, then turned to Twilight and spoke in their language. She came forward, read the note, BLUSHED LIKE A FURNACE, then answered the white one. The unicorn's blush matched Twilight's as she met my eyes again, then did something else weird! While "speaking" to me, she made a "cross" motion across her chest, then covered one eye with a hoof and gave me a pleading expression with her lip stuck out and the "puppy-dog" eyes! What the HELL was all that?! Seeing my reaction, Twilight took my writing stuff in her magic, wrote quickly, then gave the note back to me:

She said she's sorry, and she promises not to moan anymore!

I sighed and nodded, then stepped forward and resumed my "purpose." She closed her eyes and quietly went, "...eeeeee!" as she was getting her scritches...as Apple Jack and Rainbow fumed while watching her. They were both tapping their hooves as both of them shook with what looked like increasing annoyance, as they fixed the white one with murderous looks, then stared up at me! Even if she'd seen them, I doubt "Stuck-Up Bitch" would have cared, as she was turning her head back and forth, making sure I didn't miss a spot!

Then, I noticed Twilight was staring at my hands as well, so I held out my other hand and said, "Would you like your ears scritched, Your Highness?"

Her eyes grew wide as she shouted, "Sweet Celestia, YES!!"...then covered her mouth with her hooves. All other heads snapped in her direction (with the exception of 'Crazy Eyes'...she was still down for count: head thrown back, mouth wide open and snoring as she was sprawled all over my couch)...there was a beat of silence, then all of them began yelling at once!

"Twilight! How could you?!" yelled Rarity as she rounded on her, her "ear-scritching" forgotten for the moment. "WHY didn't you tell us you could speak 'Human?!'"

"Yeah, Twilight!" added Dash, "...that was something we could have used!" Before Applejack could chime in, she held up her hooves.

"I'm...sorry, everypony! It's just that...the way I learned is quite...embarrassing!" Now, she really had their attention!

"Indeed?" smirked Rarity as she raised an eyebrow, "...do tell!"

"Yeah, spill it! It can't be that bad, whatever it is!" offered Dash. Twilight blushed harder, briefly looked up at the Human, then quickly averted her gaze.

In a small voice, she said, "...it...it requires...involvement...with a...Human..." They all turned as one and looked at Carl with a smile (who was watching them all without offering a word), then turned back to Twilight.

"What kind of "involvement" darling?"

Twilight shut her eyes and said, "The spell requires...a...kiss..."

Rarity leaned forward. "I'm sorry, dear; I didn't quite catch that."

She opened her eyes and yelled, "A KISS, okay?! I had to kiss a Human!! Are you all happy?!" They all stared at her, then burst into laughter!

"It's not funny!" cried Twilight, "...and it's all Celestia's fault! She wouldn't tell me the spell; she just had me look it up, and THEN, she stood by and watched when I..."completed" the spell!"

She kept glaring at them for so long that she didn't notice Lyra had awoken and said, "Is that all?!" They all stopped laughing and looked at her, as she got to her shaky hooves and stood while staring up at Carl.

"You mean...all I have to do is give this Human a smooch, and I can speak his language?!" She grinned, "What are we waiting for?!"

"It's not that simple," retorted Twilight, "First, you have to find a Human who is willing to kiss you, and then I have to cast the spell, which isn't as easy as it sounds!" She gave Carl another look as she finished with, "...and that first one might be harder than you think..."

Lyra quickly sobered and pranced in place with excitement! "Ask him, ask him! We'll never know unless we try!"

Twilight closed her eyes and took a deep breath, but before she could speak, Carl interrupted.

"What...is going on?" he asked as he held up a hand. He looked around at them and said, "I know something is going on that I probably won't like: they were all laughing at you a second ago, you've been blushing like a rose for the past few minutes, and then this one," he pointed at Lyra, "...hasn't stopped grinning at me since she woke up!" He frowned. "Are you gonna let me in on the joke, or do I have to guess?"

Twilight sighed again, then said, "Come with me..." as she turned to my stairs. The others began to loudly protest as they saw her beginning to leave, but she quickly silenced them all with a glare. She looked up at me again. "Let's go..." she muttered, so I followed her up to my bedroom.

"You...can't be serious..." I said after she'd finished telling me "the procedure."

Twilight shuffled her hooves and looked away. "THIS is why I didn't want them to find out," she whispered, "I knew Lyra would jump at the chance for a..."personal" encounter with a Human, but I wasn't sure if my other friends would!"

I stopped. "Lyra...that's the weird one who kept staring at me?"

She nodded. "Lyra has been obsessed with your kind the entire time we've known her...you cannot imagine how happy she was when we figured out how to come here..."

I looked away and frowned for a moment, then turned back to her. "It's...that big a deal for her?"

She nodded again. "As I said, you cannot imagine."

I placed a hand behind my head as I felt my own cheeks heating up. "This is SO weird...the idea of...of..."locking lips" with a...pony..." As I grimaced, she saw my face and started to say something I knew would make the situation worse, so I held up a hand and said, "Hey...don't get me wrong: I think you're all really cute...but you're not only aliens...you're...animals..."

Twilight glared up at me and growled, "FIRST of all, we're not animals; we're sapient beings, and second, how bad could it be? All you'd have to do is give her a quick peck on her lips...you don't have to treat her like she's your marefriend!"

"My...what?" As she started to explain, I held up a hand again. "Never mind, I just figured it out." Then I said, "But it's not just her," I countered. "Apple girl, Dash, and that other one want to "participate" (making the air quotes) as well, right?"

"Yes, but it doesn't have to be you; I can get one of the Embassy Humans to help," and here she paused, then said, "...although I think Rainbow and Applejack would feel a lot better if it was a friend, rather than a stranger." She stuck out her lip. "My..."encounter" was quite awkward, as I didn't know the Human, and I knew he was just doing so because Celestia Herself asked him." She shuddered. "I'd rather not have my friends go through that if I can help it."

I gave her a flat look. "Way to pour on the guilt, Your "Highness"...

She looked alarmed. "No, that's not at all what I meant! I don't want you to do this out of guilt or any sense of obligation...it's just that now that the secret is out, I know it will make them happy!"

I looked away again, thinking. Then I squared my shoulders, smiled at her, and said, "Alright...for my friends!"

She giggled and danced in place. "You will?! Oh, thank you, Carl! I can't wait to tell them!"

"Hang on..." I said, then went to my dresser and took out a small canister. She stared up at me.

"What...is that?" I smiled, then opened my mouth and gave it a few spritzes.

"Breath mint...if I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do it right!" then I added, "But! Let's keep this between the six of us...I don't want random ponies showing up at my door looking to treat me like a Rosetta Stone!"

"A...what?" Then she shook her head and said, "Never mind...I'm sure it's a Human thing," she said as she went to my door. Once she opened it, all four of them spilled into the room!

"How long have you all been listening?" she asked while frowning down at the "pony pile." They quickly untangled themselves, and then all of them had the grace to look embarrassed.

"Just for a few minutes, darling!" She turned eager eyes up at the Human. "What did he say?!" Twilight looked over her shoulder, then back to her friends...and smiled.

"I'M FIRST!!" screamed Lyra.