The seats were stiff.

I'm not sure why that was the one thing bothering me at the moment, but it was. There are currently many other things that I really should be concerned about, most obviously being that my “you lost all your shit!” situation… but I just couldn’t ignore the discomfort in my ass. That sounded so wrong, I know, but it's fucking bugging me!

Maybe these ponies' anatomy were the reason behind the stiffness... But even then, it felt like sleeping on a rock… and I’d know a thing or two about that.

I tried my best to ignore the discomfort by viewing the landscape through the cabin window. As I did so, I looked for any familiar landmarks that I had passed by before, but unsurprisingly every blade of grass was a novelty to me. It was as if I were in a completely different world… well, figuratively at the moment.

So weird. How had I not stumbled across this place sooner? I mean, with the amount of time I spend so far… I should've at least seen these ponies at one point. But frankly, this was my first encounter with this species. Just recently, I was under the assumption that I was the sole sentient creature in this world…

… Uhh, sentient and civil… yeah, something like that.

I could see many things in this landscape… things that should never even be considered nostalgic. Oak trees, birch trees… rivers with clean water… flower fields… damn, really pretty flower fields. Wish I had a camera for that…

So yeah, it all was like a scene right out of a calming nature documentary, or the backdrop of some romance film. I couldn’t find any hate for the sight before me. It was a nice scenery… but fucking unsettling all the same, especially when I compared it to the terrains that I've traveled through so far. Had I not known better—or rather, had I found this on my own—I would've fooled myself into thinking this was paradise…

Far off on the horizon was a short mountain range, and there was particularly one mountain that caught my attention. Of course, it was the largest one, and there was something like a white blob near the summit, though I couldn't make out what it was from this distance. I summarized that it was just snow on an irregular shaped part of the mountain… it gave me inquisitive thoughts about how I'd fare in a snowy biome.

“ U-Uh, Robert…?”

I snapped out from my self-reflection, glancing over to Fluttershy, who was seated across from me. She sat herself rather reclusively, not making any more movements than breathing. “ …what?”

“ Well, um, I was just wondering,” Fluttershy started, tapping the fronts of her hooves together meekly, “ are you… an omnivore?”

“...huh?” I tilted my head, a small feeling of concern growing in the back of my mind. Where was this coming from? I… well, I only told the receptionist that I was a herbivore. Fluttershy shouldn't know then… but then again, she's friends with Pinkie and that blue bitch, so I guess they had told her. However it is, I'd rather not have to go through another screaming session, if that's what this is indicating.

“ I-I, um, just couldn't help but notice your front canines,” she explained, having noted my silent hesitation, “ herbivores don't have c-canines… and, um, your jaw is smaller, so… a-also, I've tended to a few monkeys, and—oh my, I'm not calling you a monkey or anything, but t-they normally are omnivores… and… um…”

… I thought she was supposed to be the quiet type. I guess anyone will ramble on under pressure… but damn, that was pretty accurate reasoning right there. I didn't have an argument against her. “ … yeah, I'm an omnivore.”

“ Oh, I see…” she, thankfully, went quiet for a moment before glancing up at me shyly, “ um, then… why did you… lie?”

Ah, so they did tell her. I crossed my arms defensively. “ I nearly got exiled for existing, Fluttershy. The fuck you think would happen if I said I ate meat?”

“ …I-I suppose you're right… sorry…”

“ You're good… it's just how it is…” I sighed, leaning back on my seat. The backrest was also fucking stiff, but whatever.

This idle talk was bringing back some very recent bad memories, and I'm obviously talking about that bitch of a mayor. I'm still peeved off from that… it just made no sense. Sure, I'm a towering and skinny biped that came out of nowhere—I can get that point of view—but you'd at least think you'd already be dead if I were a some sort of threat… fucking dumbasses.

“ Ahem, ma'am… s-sir,” one of the train attendees said, walking up with a small decorative cart, “ would you like any refreshments?”

I glanced up at the attendee then down at the snacks and drinks being offered. And… wow, is that…

… Damn, I just realized that it's been a while since I've last seen plastic… maybe that would be a good thing under some other circumstance.

“ I'll, um, have some water, please and thank you,” Fluttershy said quietly.

The attendee nodded, handing her a plastic water bottle. The attendee then gave me a wary look. “ A-And you… sir?”

I hummed for a moment, struggling to see through the reflection of the plastic packaging due to the sun's angle. I was starting to feel the annoying ache return in my stomach. “ Whatchu got in there?”

“ We have some nuts, trail mix, both fresh and dried fruits, butter cookies, and an assortment of other pastries, sir,” the attendee explained.

Fucking what? Hell yeah man, gimme all of that. “ I'll take everything, then.”

The attendee gave me a startled look, sweat beginning to run down their face. “ S-Sir, there's an item limitation per pony…”

“ I don't give a fuck. Give me everything on the cart.”

“ Um… please don't be rude, Robert. There's plenty of restaurants in Fillydephia,” Fluttershy interjected meekly, “ I can, um, treat you to a place there if you're hungry…”

“ You…” I fell silent as I looked over at the yellow pegasus with a gradually softened gaze. Man, that kindness of her’s was unbearable… hell, she and her friend’s kindness was unbearable. If this is a recurring feature of all of these ponies… then I'm gonna have to grow a bit of tolerance. I can only say so many thank-you’s until it gets annoying. “ Thanks, Fluttershy, but it's fine. I won't be bothering anyone if I eat this right here.”

“ It's ok, I fine paying—”

“ It's not even about pay, Fluttershy. I'd rather eat now than wait any longer.” Frankly, I wasn't going to just let an opportunity like this slip by so easily.

“ S-Sir, I must insist—” the attendee helplessly argued.

I cut them off rather harshly. “ Come the fuck on, just let it slide this once. You don't usually get these types of requests, right? Not from a human—shit, you don't even know what I am. Plus I haven't eaten in a week… so lemme just fill up a bit and I won't ask for anything else.”

The attendee's eyes widened, unable to form a sentence. “ I—”

“ Just empty the damn cart on this table… I'll call you back for trash and shit when I'm done chowing.”

“...” the attendee bit their lip, deep in thought for a brief moment, before exhaling sharply, carefully placing all the cart’s content on the table, “ I'm so getting fired…”

I grinned, instantly going for one of the packaged snacks and tearing it open. It was caramel strawberry drops, and the smell reminded me of that pink pony. I wisely ignored it. “ Thanks, I'll remember this one.”

As the attendee silently left us with the empty cart—quietly muttering to themselves what I had no doubt were slurs—I went on to absolutely devour the snacks before me like a sloppy pig. I hadn't even realized until a few moments later that I was making an embarrassing mess, but like holy shit I couldn't care any fucking less. I haven't tasted sugar in ages… man, and this was fucking filling, too!

Sucks that there was no charcuterie… or any meat, to be honest. I would kill for spare ribs right now… uh, figuratively this time as well.

“ … R-Robert,” Fluttershy stuttered hesitantly.

“ Hm?” I glanced over, my crumb-covered face quickly furrowing in confusion when I saw her completely horrified expression. Woah… where'd that come from? “ You good?”

“ Is it true?” She asked, rather urgently. “... A-A whole week w-without food…?!”

I scratched my beard at her question, only to pause and realize I was scratching with my jelly-covered fingers. I stared at my hand hatefully. “ Fuck… uh, yeah, it's kinda hard to get food out on the road. I had to ration… my shit… and stuff.”

I wished that last part was completely metaphoric, but… fucking hell, that memory will never see the light of day.

“ …Oh dear…” Fluttershy’s eyes softened even more than they already were, tears beginning in the corners.

Ah shit, the last thing I need to deal with is anyone crying. I instinctively reached out in an act to consult her but quickly retracted back, remembering the mess on me. Where the fuck were the napkins?

“... Look, Fluttershy,” I eventually said, giving up and wiping my hands on my new pants, “ don't… beat yourself up over my problems. No one should. I've been living fine with them so far… so, like, don’t cry and shit.”

“ B-But, it's so sad….!” She countered rather passionately, wiping her eyes with her fetlocks. “ Nopony should feel hunger…”

“ I…” My voice died out in exasperation. I was starting to see a reoccurring trait of idealism or whatever amongst these ponies. Like, the ‘no more war’ and ‘free the world of hunger’ type of shit. Unfortunately, as I have so ruthlessly learnt the hard way twice that life has no obligation to be kind…

“ I what?” Fluttershy sniffed, tilting her head.

“ Nevermind… just let it go,” I sighed, popping another pastry in my mouth, “ think of it all as a skill issue on my part, or something.”

“ W-What do skills have to do with starvation?!”

“ Chill, I was making a joke there…”

“...oh,” Fluttershy calmed down, giving me a slow and confused smile, followed by a laugh so awkwardly and painfully fake that I had to groan and facepalm.

I scowled as I yet again forgot the mess on my hands, my face now smeared with jelly.“ Just… fuck it all. Go back to the sadness or whatever. Let's just make this more unbearable, eh?”

That somehow seemed to have done the trick of making her sadness seemingly vanish all together, being replaced instead with the frequently confused look all these ponies have been giving me so far. “ Um… w-why?”

“ You tell me…” I grumpily said, opening a can of grape-flavored… man, I miss soda so much.

“ U-Um, ok…”

A day and a half have passed, as estimated. The trip had also predictably been relatively bland, especially since after the time I had stuffed my face full of the oh so precious food. Unfortunately, those snacks were just snacks; I was nowhere near satisfied with my hunger, and woefully I would stay as such until further notice… unless, of course, I accept Fluttershy’s previous offer, but that isn’t happening. In any case, it sucked that I was banned from receiving any more snacks thereafter… as the conductor had so sternly addressed… that old horse needs a vacation or something. He had some pretty decent lore, though, but I digress.

We didn't have many other idle chats afterwards, me and Fluttershy—partly due to the fact that she went reclusive on me. I guess that's where the “shy” comes in Fluttershy… and honestly, I wasn't mad or anything about it. I didn't feel any of that awkwardness in the silence, specifically the awkwardness you'd get when sitting with a stranger. From what I’ve known of her so far, she’s a pretty chill person… pony, or shit.

Fluttershy, however, had also taken to keeping a saddened expression on her face throughout the trip. I guess I probably should've lied there about my hunger streak, seeing how badly it affected her… though I doubt that would've made any difference. I guess the intentions would've been a good thing to my current benefactor?

…whatever, a week is tame in comparison to my other hunger streaks. I best keep that to myself, of course, less I want more unnecessary attention.

Arriving to Fillydephia was quite the revelation to me. In comparison to Ponyville, this town was way more advanced in terms of infrastructure and… yeah, infrastructure. It was all red-brick buildings with the occasional marble-white colored complexes littered in-between. No skyscrapers in sight and only a few utility pole lines. Pretty old school but hey, better than boiling hot deserts.

My face was planted on the train window like a child throughout the entry, looking in awe as the wooden bridge we crossed transitioned from sunny wheat fields to a cloudy and gray industrial realm. And as the train came to a stop at an even larger train station than the one at Ponyville, I quickly noticed that the streets were also paved; a stark difference to the dirt paths in Ponyville.

Man… I've really been wandering in circles all this time. Where the fuck have I been going to miss all of this?!

“ E-Eeee!” Hearing the sudden screech nearby, I returned my attention to the present, finding the local ponies all looking at me fearfully as I stood at the door of the train cabin. They began to swarm backwards, like oil when a drop of soap falls into it. “ I-It’s a m-monster!!!”

I scowled. Oh my fucking— already? I just got out the damn train, for fuck sake!

“ W-Wait, everypony!” Fluttershy beside me suddenly interjected before I could do anything in an uncharacteristically loud tone, gaining all the agitated ponies’ attention. “ Robert is, um, a h-herbivore! He wouldn’t hurt anypony!”

Pfft, who said I wou—I’ll shut the fuck up real quick.

Rather stupidly, her comment instantly had an effect. The collective fear of the ponies just as quickly eased out as it did appear, with many of them saying mutual oh’s before going back to their business. No second later, the train station was back to its original ambience of unfocused conversations, steam blowing, and all sorts of train noises.

I blinked exasperatedly and annoyingly at the crowd dispatching, still noticing the few glanced at my direction. “... the fuck was that all about…”

Fluttershy bowed her head at me apologetically. “ S-Sorry, Robert… um, T-This would be the first time everypony sees your species…”

“ No shit? Could’ve sworn I saw another human here somewhere,” I huffed with palpable sarcasm, running my clean hand through my knot-less hair. This was yet another pain in the ass that I was going to have to go through many times… is this what foreign exchange students go through? I gave Fluttershy a side eye look. “ I didn't take you as the lying type.”

“ …Oh dear,” Fluttershy looked down at the tiled stone floor with a hint of shame, “ Applejack would be so disappointed…”

I blinked. Not sure what that had to do with the country bumpkin, but sure. “ Thanks for it, though. Saved me a headache and shit.”

I realized, now, that I probably would’ve had to struggle through this random scene had I gone alone… and I would've done something stupid. Perhaps I was being arrogant in saying I could go solo… well, I'm sure I would've eventually made my way through it.

“ Please exit the cabin,” the conductor grumbled behind us, “ you're slowing us down… and scaring off our customers.”

I grinned back at the grumpy old stallion, who simply frowned back at me. “ You make it sound worse than it is, old geezer.”

“ Off the train, ape,” the conductor snapped, leaving no room for questions, “ save your reasons to yourself”

“ Sure, was planning on doing that.”

We then soundly made our way off the train and out the train station without much trouble, entering the bustling sidewalk on the main street. The attire of the local ponies pretty much set in the industrial theme of this town; stallions with the trousers, long-sleeved, and ivy caps while the mares with the dresses, blouses, and bonnets. Of course, there were the few stand-outs with formal attire, but I couldn't give three fucks about their rich asses.

I was yet again confused in the behavior of these ponies. At the train station, there was almost an uproar just from me standing there, but on the streets—not even a few minutes after that event—it was as if none of them even noticed I existed as we walked by. I… I don't even want to bother thinking about it. I think they're all bipolar or something.

We eventually came to a stop at a corner not far from the station. It was there that I was greeted with yet another thing that I haven't seen in ages; traffic.

I watched in mild annoyance as the numerous carriages drove past us, silently questioning the ethics behind ponies pulling a carriage for other ponies. “ So… you know where the auction place is, right?”

Fluttershy looked up from the traffic with a meek smile. “ Um, no, I don't…”

…The hell? Don't tell me she also lied about living here…

I narrowed my eyes. “ I thought you said you fucking lived here.”

“ I-I did! But… It was when I was a really young foal,” Fluttershy explained frantically, a sense of nostalgia behind her voice, “ I wasn't allowed to go to many places without my mother… b-but I know a few spots that can help!”

…Dammit, just what I needed. I’d rather not unnecessarily spend time looking around just based off childhood memories, but who the fuck was I to be picky? Shit… I guess it was slightly better than going in dark. “ Do you at least know where we can get a city map or something?”

“ Um… there should be some kiosks around every corner or two…” Fluttershy said, passively trying with great difficulty to look past the other ponies and through the sea of carriages. The fuck was she struggling for? She had wings…

Seeing as her attempts were utterly futile, I decided to make use of my height and looked around for the supposed kiosks. Rather quickly, I spotted a small booth selling newspapers and magazines another street ahead of us. “I think I found it.”

“ Oh, great! We can make our way there, then,” Fluttershy smiled softly.

“ If only this traffic could fucking end…” I grumbled quietly as the stream of carriages continued to pour. Why the fuck were there so many carriages in the first place? With this many ponies, this place felt more like a city than a town.

“ Um, Fillydephia always had problems with traffic control.”

“ Fucking hell…”

While it was an insufferable amount of time before then, we eventually got to one of the kiosks. Of course, seeing as how the kiosk I first saw had even more traffic up ahead, we decided to make a detour and luckily found another booth. As Fluttershy purchased the brochure—for some reason also having a light conversation with the booth owner, which I’m assuming was some sort of social etiquette—I was once more enlightened with not one but two interesting revelations.

One, it appears I couldn’t read shit. While it was something I was actively trying to ignore how it was even possible, I could easily communicate with these ponies, but their handwriting was a lost cause to me. Fortunately, the magazines and newspapers followed similar formattings like the ones back home, so there was little struggle for me to make educated guesses on what was being displayed. The pictures definitely helped…

That would then bring me to my second and arguably larger realization. The fucking newspapers, for some fucking reason, had three fucking photos of me in three fucking different angles! Photos, for fuck sake! When and how the hell did this even happen?! My ass hasn’t even been out here in this city for an hour and I’m already on the news??!

Just… I would normally just throw this in with the other shit that’s happened so far like I’ve been doing since meeting those brothers, but fuck man, I couldn’t ignore this one. What type of journalism does this city have to be able to mass print a new event that has happened in just under an hour… no, it was probably fucking thirty minutes! Fucking what?!

… Ah, maybe it has to do with their magic. Yeah… yeah, that makes sense. Those asshole brothers used magic for their machine, and Twilight also used magic to open doors and shit… man, I’m fucking insane. How could I be so nonchalant about legitimate magic? I just… I’m a whole mess right now. I need to settle myself for a moment and process all of that’s been happening so far…

“... um, Robert?”

I snapped away from my blank and glazed stare, looking down at a slightly concerned Fluttershy. She had what I assumed was the city map under her wings, with an additional magazine that had a baby bunny on the cover. “... what?”

“ I, um, bought the map… so…”

I blinked slowly before staring back at the newspaper hung on the front of the kiosk. “ I can’t read this shit. What’s it saying?”

“Hm…?” Fluttershy looked over to the newspapers before her eyes widened, probably also realizing the bullshit that was before us. How had she not noticed until now? God, are these ponies that ignorant? “ Oh my…”

“ C’mon, just read it to me.”

“ Um, ‘Element of Kindness Travels With A Strange Monkey. Confirmed To Be Friendly.’”

… huh… I guess that would explain why the street ponies were so dismissive about me. Hell, even now every one of these ponies are being nonchalant; the booth owner is suddenly sleeping right now, of all things. I’m… I’m just going to take it as a plus and leave it at that.

“ The Fillydelphia Journal is amazing,” Fluttershy passively commented in awe, “ I hadn’t even noticed anypony taking our photo…”

“ The fuck is an element of kindness, anyways,” I grunted.

“ Um… t-that would be me…”

I gave her a confused look. What? She has a title?

I silently stared at Fluttershy, looking her up and down. Now that I paid more attention, she did have a lot of femininity to her looks. If I were to describe it, she looked almost like a doll a young girl would play with. Adding that with the strange title…

“ … you some celebrity or something?” I asked bluntly.

Fluttershy’s cheeks flushed faintly, her eyes averted to the ground. “ Oh my, I w-wouldn’t go so far as to say I’m a c-celebrity…”

“ Then what, a model? No way you aren’t special if you’re having your name on the news not even an hour after you arrived.” Obviously, it more or so happened because of me, but my point still stands.

“ … Um, I did do a bit of modeling before…”

I could see that. With her looks, she’d probably win all pony shows back home or something like that… but that’s besides the point. I’m getting distracted now… I should keep reminding myself that I’ve lost everything to my name… fuck… I want my shit back.

I sighed, nudging my head towards the map under her wing. “ Alright, forget it. Lead the way.”

Fluttershy smiled softly, sitting on her haunches and opening the map with her hooves. “ Ok, let’s see… oh… oh dear…”

My eyes narrowed in concern. “ What? The fuck is wrong?”

“ There’s, um, quite the number of auction houses…”

“ … Of fucking course there is…”

“ I’m sorry, sir, but we did not receive anything like you’ve mentioned in the past four days.”

Displeased with her words, I glared at the clerk with my fists clenched on the front desk. “ Can you at least let me look at your shit? Just for a minute? Then I’ll be out of your hair.”

The clerk shook her head, keeping her professional stoic expression. “ Our inventory is strictly prohibited from customers outside auction hours, sir.”

“ … shit, what about I give you three hundred coins? Five hundred? Give me a number and I’ll make it happen.”

“ Sir, our company frowns upon bribery. You may seek an appointment with our regional manager if you are unsatisfied with our policies.”

This little… fuck! To hell with these stupid regulations!

I stood back and clenched my fists tightly, putting one over my forehead as I blew hot air through my nose. Slowly, I managed to calm myself down, then made a sharp turn for the door before I lost grip of that control. “ Fuck this shitty place…”

“ Have a wonderful rest of your day, sir.”

As I left the chime of the front glass door behind me, I stormed my way to the closest bench and slumped my ass down on the cool surface. I put my head on my hands as I tried to control my uneven breathing.

This… this was the the third fucking auction house we’ve been to. The third and none of these fucking moronic assholes had my shit! And just like how that stupid fucking clerk had reacted, I wasn’t even allowed to look through their shit… dammit! It’s fucking giving me the urge to just break in. It’s so easy; just go in, look around, and go on with my day if there’s nothing. But nooo, if I did that then I’d have to deal with the local law enforcement. Like, shit, I almost forgot I now had to behave like a law-abiding citizen… fucking hell, what was the point in that? I wasn’t even registered into their system or whatever…

Fluttershy, who had frantically trailed behind me, meekly took a seat next to me. There was a silence between the two of us before she cleared her throat. “ U-Um… it looks like they didn’t have it either.”

“ No fucking suprise there…” I mumbled.

She bit her lip, looking back down at the map in her hooves. “ We still have another five to go to…”

Oh right, that too. Of fucking course this damn city had to have a total of eight fucking auction houses. Even if I don’t know shit about auctioning, even I could tell that this was obnoxiously excessive. Like, damn, why stop at eight? Go for twenty or something… dumbest bullshit ever.

“ Um,” Fluttershy started cautiously, “ w-would you like some ice cream, Robert?”

… huh? I glanced up at her between my fingers. “ … Ice cream?”

“ Y-Yeah… there’s an ice cream shop not far off from here… would you like some?”

“... what I’d like is to have all my stuff back,” I hummed into my palm.

Fluttershy gave me a slightly exasperated smile. “ I-I know, but you’re, um, really mad and… nopony does good when they’re mad… so I… um…”

… Fuck, she’s absolutely right. I can’t do shit when I lose my temper. How fucking pathetic am I? I can’t even keep my cool for a minute… the hell did my tolerance go?

No, this isn’t about tolerance. I’m just acting like a child right now. Get back to your game, Robert.

“ … you guys got double chocolate ice cream?”

Fluttershy instantly beamed with an eager nod. “ Yes! We also have triple-double chocolate brownie ice cream.”

“... lead the way, then.”

Accepting the small detour, me and Fluttershy made our way to the designated ice cream shop she was talking about. Turns out it was from a company she used to go to as a child, though they had relocated from the street she had lived on. From there, we entered a cozy and arctic-themed store, where I was joyfully given a serving of triple-double-whatever chocolate ice cream—about double the serving of what the other ponies were getting—as Fluttershy caught up with the front cashier. Like damn, does she know everyone here…?

… well, fucking duh, she used to live here.
Of course, Fluttershy’s persona had also made the price of the ice cream drop even lower than what was advertised. The celebrity status really pulled off in times like these.

We made our way to a different outdoor bench, one closer to a small shopping plaza that I hadn’t seen before on the trip. From there, we both comfortably enjoyed the ambience of the local life, the traffic in this area being much less intensive than near the main roads. I gladly took this opportunity to take my first bite of the ice cream, which surprisingly was nowhere near from melting. And… holy shit, yet another thing I missed about modernity.

“ … Fuck yeah,” I practically moaned as the savoury chocolateness melted on my tongue and cooled the roof of my mouth, “... this is what I needed.”

Fluttershy simply giggled at my honestly goofy reaction, a small scoop of yellow dandelion-flavored ice cream in between her hooves. That’s right, dande-fucking-lion flavor ice cream. I thought my crazy has never been topped before, but lo-and-behold this fuckery. “ You like chocolate as much as Pinkie.”

I blinked at her comment before a small memory came to the forefront of my mind. I cringed. “ That crazy girl? Fuck no…”

“ Heya, Robby!”

“ Wh— huh?” My eyes suddenly shot up, my body jolted in alarm at the sudden voice nearby. I looked around frantically at the dim environment, quickly spotting a painfully obvious blob of pinkness standing before me. My briefly blurry eyes adjusted and found that it was Pinkie standing before me, with a large pink tent behind her. “ …the fuck?”

“ Good morning, Robby!” Pinkie smiled, not a single trace of tiredness on her face. In fact, I could just faintly see her body shimmering on the spot.

With a silent yawn, I stretched my left arm while giving her a one-eyed scrutiny look. “ The hell are you doing here?”

“ I’m waiting for the cider, silly!” Pinkie giggled. She then randomly stuck a hoof into her hair and dug through it for a moment. I could’ve sworn I heard some metal noises, but I wasn’t given the luxury to question it, because she soon pulled out a green cupcake that had a large back question mark on it. “ Want a cupcake?”

I silently stared at the pastry, feeling both disgusted from where she pulled it from and fearful of the aftermath that would come from eating it. “ … No thanks.”

“ Oh well, suit yourself!” Pinkie said, tossing the cupcake into the air and catching the whole thing in her mouth. She gulped it entirely, having not even done a single chewing motion.

I gave the pink mare an exasperated look before glancing down the dark dirt road. The sun’s light was just barely lighting up the purple skies; it would be a few more hours until dawn strikes. I silently cursed myself for the fact that I was sleeping. Had those brother’s drove by when I was sleeping? No… I would’ve heard their engine had they done so. Fuck… that meant more waiting.

“ Hey, are you sure you don’t want super dumplicous scrumptious cupcakes?” Pinkie asked.

I gave a disgusted frown. “ Fuck no, I’m not eating your lice-covered shit.”

“ Lice doesn’t live there, silly!”

“ I… nevermind,” I sighed, facepalming with closed eyes.

“ Want a cake instead?”

I went silent for a moment before groaning. I could decide to ignore this weird pony, but then I risk the potential and most definitely the likely possibility that she’ll pester me to no end. “ I told you, I—”

Opening my eyes had only revealed to me a scene that had enough stupidity to make me visibly double take. Such an act spoke volume, because not once have I ever done a double take in my life until this very moment.

Standing goofily with an equally goofy smile, Pinkie was unboxing four double-stack cakes in front of her, with another two stacks of four other cake boxes behind her. When she finished unboxing the cakes in front of her—consisting of red, green, blue, and yellow, all of which having different designs—she gave me a beaming grin. “ Choose a color, any color!”

I silently stared at the pony, lost of words. “ … n-no, thanks.”

“ Alrighty, suit yourself!” From there, I watched in mild horror as Pinkie consumed each and every cake with the speed of one hundred piranhas, leaving behind not a single crumb of cake.

“ … I could never top that level of sugar addiction,” I quietly muttered.

We fell into a comfortable silence as we ate our ice cream. The weather wasn’t terribly hot, especially with the clouds and smog filling the atmosphere—that was definitely some concern, now that I think about it—but I’d rather not want to make a mess of my clothes anymore than I already have. Obviously and quite fortunately, this had given me the golden opportunity to people-watch, or in this case pony-watch.

Strangely, the more I looked at the daily business of these quadrupeds, the more I could find similarities to my people back home. The only stark difference would be the subtle anatomical conveniences, like oddly shaped door hands and window latches. Otherwise, it was like watching human activity but with ponies being the actors. A mother and her child doing grocery shopping… the group of teens carrying numerous bags as they left the clothing store… the lone stallion cleaning the windows on the third story of one building…

It… It really made me realize the normalcy behind this place…

Normalcy… being normal…

…man, what was it like being normal? It’s been too long… the fuck has happened to me…?

“ H-Hey you, mister!”

The fuck? A sudden short and squeaky voice caused me to snap out from my autopilot eating, looking down to see a short light tan colt standing a few feet off from my left leg. He wore a small dark brown ivy cap that failed to hide a dull orange mane, with an even darker brown trench coat covering his body entirely. He also had a dirty gray scarf around his neck, one that had the same color as his left cloudy eye.

I silently stared at the colt with a curled brow. Judging by the dirt on his clothes—as well as the unkempt look on his face—I assumed he’s homeless or something. So… even in this society, they struggle with things like homelessness. Interesting… whose kid was this again?

“ Oh dear,” Fluttershy looked up from the magazine she was idly reading, giving the colt a sympathetic look, “ poor foal… where’re you parents?”

The kid’s ears went flat on his head as he frowned at Fluttershy in embarrassment. “ N-None of your business, lady!”

“ Oh no… that isn’t good. We’ll need to find your parents, colt. It isn’t good to wander alone by yourself.”

The kid responded by raising his head high and giving a harumph at Fluttershy. He then glanced over at me and took my silence as cue to continue. “ …I-I heard what happened back in the auction house down the block, mister… and I think I got some news you’d like to hear!”

I blinked as I processed the colt’s heavily accent words. News? Oh… oh, I see where this was going. He’s supposed to be some street rat, right? Information in exchange for money or some shit… well, even if I did have money, I ain’t falling for some stupid shit like that. “ Ain’t got money on me, kid… go play elsewhere.”

“ I ain’t playing, I’m being serious!” The colt protested.

“ The fuck would a kid like you know? Run off back to your friends, don’t waste my time.”

The kid blew his cheeks out before turning his head to the side. “ Fine! Well, I guess you don’t wanna know where they took your broken carriage now, do you?”

… what? I narrowed my eyes at him. “ The hell did you just say?”

With a cheeky green, the kid began to walk away as if he were leaving. “ Nuh uh, I ain’t telling! You said that you—”

“ Sit your ass down and tell me, brat.”

“ …Y-Yes, sir,” the kid dutifully returned to his spot and awkwardly sat down.

I sighed heavily. This was fucking stupid… probably a waste of time… but I’ll humor the kid while I eat this ice cream. “ Start talking, kid.”

The colt pressed his lips with a conflicted expression. He then pointed a hoof towards the ice cream in my hands. “ G-Gimme that first and I’ll tell ya!”

I stared down at my half eaten ice cream. I mean… homeless, right? He’s probably hungry… damn, poor kid. With a sigh, I offered it to the kid with no hesitation. “ Fine, here.”

The colt looked surprised at the offered snack, slowly taking it. “ U-Uh, t-thank you…”

“ Now spit it out, kid. The hell do you know about my shit?”

After taking a few joyful and irresistible laps of the ice cream—which I hardly could blame him—the boy hummed. “ Well, I heard about a beat down carriage bein’ taken in at a warehouse down Fetlock Avenue. They said it looked like one of those carriages from the ghost towns down south.”

My eyes widened as I took in the colt’s words. I quickly turned to Fluttershy with an outstretched hand. “ Map, quick.”

“ Um, o-ok,” as Fluttershy offered the map with her wing, I quickly opened it and scanned around the paper. Just as quickly, I stared back to Fluttershy, who mercifully pointed out the mentioned street for me. The street was several blocks away from us and—even better- was near one of the auction houses we hadn’t gone to yet. Specifically, it was the second to last auction house on the list.

This revelation made me realize something, and I looked back at the colt. “ Where do the Flim Flam Brothers live?”

The kid blinked before frowning. “ Sorry, I ain’t telling—”

“ Answer the fucking question, kid. Do those brothers live on that street?”

The colt flinched before stammering. “ U-Uh, yeah, I think like… two buildings down that road.”

…Fucking hell, I’ve been acting like a moron. I should’ve thought about looking for where those brother’s lived from the start… we’ve wasted and would’ve continued wasting time going through each and every auction. But… if this kid was telling the truth, then this could be much more efficient.

I ran a hand through my hair with a sigh before glancing at Fluttershy. “ Change of plans, we’re going to this…” I quickly look back at the map. “... uh, what’s this called?”

“Exotic Kingdom Auction House,” Fluttershy read.

…Fucking weird name. “ Yeah, we’re going there now.”

“ Um, alright,” Fluttershy nodded meekly, taking a lick at her half-finished ice cream.

I stared at the treat with exasperation. “ …Can’t you finish that faster?”

“ Um… I-I’m weak to brain-freezes.”

I sighed. Of fucking course, I forgot that exists. I stood up and stretched my arms with a frown. “ Then fly while eating it. We’re moving right now.”

“... F-Flying under city elevation is prohibited, Ro—EEK!”

I heard enough. Maybe that would explain why she hadn’t been flying all this time, but the fuck does that matter now? I got places to be and I don’t got the time to argue against the most random law and shit… fucking being a hindrance to everything.

With one arm swoop, Fluttershy found herself in my arms, her widened expression staring up at me. I merely gave her a nod. I could just slap the ice cream out of her grasps and make her go, but that’d just make me one hell of a fucking jerk… more than a jerk I already was. I’ll count this towards my repayments. “ Fuck it, eat while I carry you. Cool?”

Fluttershy merely hid her face behind the ice cream cone, her ears severely red. I guess that was cool. I glanced down at the colt, who had busied himself with eating the remainder of my ice cream. “ You’re coming with me too, kid.”

“ Huh?” the colt looked up with a chocolate-covered snout, his brows curled in both shock and confusion “ W-Why?! I don’t—”

“ Shut up, you already dug yourself deep into this, ” I grunted, nudging his side with the tip of my boot, “ you’re patronage ain’t done yet, smartass.”

The kid glared at my boot, swatting it away. “ No way, mister! I ain’t doing that! Besides, I can’t walk while eating my—WOAH!?”

Without a second breath, I picked up the colt by the nip of his neck and put him on my shoulders. His body went rigid as his legs instinctively wrapped half-way around my neck. I glanced up at his frightened face with a serious look. “ Get any of that ice cream on my hair and I’ll make sure you regret it well.”

“ Y-Y-Yes, sir!”

With my newfound luggage equipped, I glanced down at the folded map in my free hand. Memorizing the route to the designated area, I quickly made haste down the street, the only thing filling my mind being the idea of my belongings returned to my grasp. And, fuck, it better be like that soon…

Author's Note

I made a different version of Fillydelphia. I wanted to make it more industrial-themed for what I have in mind in the coming chapters.

Please comment any errors or anything that is confusing. Thank you for reading!