Ocellus was hyped-up on caffeine and nerves by the time she got to Carroussel Boutique.

“Professor Rarity?”

She stopped when she saw the mare, and the other pony with her.

Or rather, Ocellus didn’t see the other pony, but she detected them. Her changeling shape-sense was telling her there were two ponies in the room, but she only saw one.

“Oh, hello, Ocellus. What can I do for you?” the Unicorn greeted, folding up some clothes in her magic.

Ocellus blinked, confused. “Umm… are you the only pony in here?”

“Yes,” Rarity replied. She put away a dress into a box and moved a rack out of the way to approach the girl. “There’s no one in the changing rooms, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“No, it’s just…” Ocellus shook her head. “You know how changelings can tell the shape of a thing, so we can turn into it?”

“Yes?”

“Well, that sense is telling me we’re not alone in here.” She tried to focus on the input. “There’s someone else in here, it feels like.”

“O-oh?” Rarity idly pushed up her mane, looking away. “And, just so we’re clear, are you sensing a colt or a filly?”

The signal was warped for some reason, she couldn’t place it. Her senses were telling her there were two ponies in the room, but the second signal was being blocked or mingled with something, and yet it was clear enough to be distinct. “A colt, I think. Unicorn colt.”

Rarity let out a giddy, if quiet, giggle. “Sorry, darling, I don’t mean to mock you. If you are sensing a colt in here, I think perhaps you need to cut down on your coffee consumption. I could imagine perhaps you’re sensing Sweetie Belle’s magic lingering around, but there are no colts in my shop right now, as you can see. You must be quite hyped-up if even your senses are being affected like that.”

“How can you tell I had coffee?”

Rarity pointed to the girl’s hind quarters. “Your wingshields are rattling, darling. Now, what has you so out of sorts that you’re sensing ponies that aren’t there? Shouldn’t you be out enjoying the day, or enjoying some rest, at least?”

“That’s what I came to you for. Today’s Hearts and Hooves Day.”

“I have heard, yes.”

“And I’ve been so busy with school work I… I forgot.”

“That doesn’t sound like you at all.” Her expression changed to one of grave concern. Somehow, Professor Rarity’s penchant for drama always felt comforting to Ocellus. It was easy to read, impossible to misunderstand. “You of all students would know what Hearts and Hooves Day is, I should think.”

“I did. I forgot what day today was.”

The mare nodded emphatically. “Ah, yes, that explains it. And what is it you need from me?”

“I need to think of something to get for Scoots.”

“Scoots being Scutum, your, ah… boyfriend? Special somechangeling?”

“Approved partner,” Ocellus corrected. “But I guess that’s the old term for it. ‘Boyfriend’ is what you’d call it. I need to find something he’ll be happy with, but I can’t think because I haven’t slept and I’m running out of time and I need help, please. I just want to do something nice for him. I already asked my friends and Missus Cake, but the only thing I got out of them was that ‘the love of a boy goes through his stomach’ and, well…”

“That sounds rather racist, if you ask me,” Rarity blurted out.

“I wouldn’t call it that.”

“I would. Even ignoring your relationship with love, do you have any idea how offensive that phrase is to ruminants? I’ve had plenty of clients with four stomachs, what are they supposed to think?”

Ocellus opened her mouth to argue, but she had to admit, ruminants did add a level of complication to the matter. “I don’t mind, personally. They’re only trying to help, it’s probably true for them, but for me it’s not. Anyway, Missus Cake said you were working today, too. So I came here as fast as I could.”

Rarity smiled in sympathy. “I am sorry to hear you’re not well, Ocellus, and I appreciate the vote of confidence. But why not ask Fluttershy? She shares more of your, umm, temperament, if you don’t mind me saying. And she has been a model, like Scutum has, if I recall correctly. So wouldn’t that make her a better choice?”

Ocellus looked away. “No, I know what you mean. But I thought you would be more help, Professor Rarity. You know romance better than anyone, and you know beauty. You know what makes ponies happy. And I can’t afford to waste time with this. Fluttershy’s more like me, sure, but I’m struggling with this, so a pony like me probably would, too. I need a pony who can do this sort of thing, so I’m cutting out the middle mare.”

Rarity chuckled. “Goodness. No pressure or anything.” She gestured for Ocellus to follow and they both sat down on a set of pillows, which Ocellus presumed is where Rarity usually did her more casual discussions. “Alright, let’s start with the basics: what sort of boy are we dealing with here, exactly?”

Ocellus blinked, and drew a blank. “Umm…”

Rarity levitated a cup of tea to her lips and took a sip. “Well? What sort of a boy is he? I haven’t seen or spoken to him that much, so I don’t really know, aside from the superficial.” She smirked impishly. “He’s very handsome by pony standards, I’ll grant you that. Good strong triangular build, very masculine, much more angular than usual for your kind, if a little bit on the lean side. That’s teenagers for you, I suppose. But what is his character? Is he sensitive, is he brash and brave, contemplative or shy, is he artsy or athletic?”

That, Ocellus could answer easily. “N-no. He’s not an athlete, exactly. He’s a model, and an artist.”

“Good start, but those are occupations, darling, not character traits. Let me rephrase: why do you like him? Besides whatever appearances he may have.”

“Umm, we grew up together, kind of?” Ocellus shrugged.

“Lots of boys and girls grow up together, darling, that’s not a reason to fall in love. If it were, all of Equestria would be singing ‘Sweet Home Alabarna’ all day,” Rarity joked.

“He’s… he’s nice.”

“Is he only nice to you, or is he nice in general?”

“No, he’s nice in general, it’s just… I’m not sure I really know.”

Rarity pointed to the girl’s chest. “Well, I certainly don’t mean to upset you, Ocellus, but as Applejack would say: there’s your problem, right there. You can’t think of a good gift for someone if you don’t know what they like.”

“I know what he doesn’t like. Does that count?”

“Of course. But there’s more to happiness than avoiding things you dislike.”

“I know that. I’ve read all the books on this, but I’ve never really thought about it. It all happened so fast, and I just went along with it,” Ocellus said.

“Then it must have at least felt right.” Rarity leaned forward, cup in her hooves. “Let’s try a different angle, then. Has it ever felt wrong?”

“No.” A dreamy smile formed on Ocellus’ lips, despite her best efforts to suppress it. “It’s always felt right. It’s weird, I can’t really think about it, but I can feel it.”

“So you do… love this boy, yes?”

Ocellus cringed. “I think so?”

“Have you told him? In so many words?”

She shook her head. “I get anxious every time I try. My head starts hurting, my stomach gets upset. But I know it feels right when I’m with him. That counts, doesn’t it?”

“Yes, love does have a way of dulling one’s more cerebral functions, so to speak. That is a good sign, at least. I’d still try to consider why, though.”

“A-and… if I can’t think of any real reason… would it be okay to ask…” Ocellus tried and failed to get her voice up to its normal volume, falling silent despite herself.

“Ask what?” Rarity leaned in again, to better hear.

“Missus Cake said you have a boyfriend, now, too.”

Rarity hummed to herself, a beaming smile on her smile. “She caught that, eh? Pinkie Pie is not the easiest mare to throw off a trail.” She nodded. “Yes, it’s true. I have been… involved with a fine stallion for some time now. It’s been quite the ride, and not an easy thing to keep hidden. But I wouldn’t change a thing.”

Ocellus felt her heart flutter. “Is it okay to ask why you like him? I don’t need to know anything secret, I promise. But I need something to hold onto here, I need something to compare to.”

“Understandable. You are the more analytical type, after all. What can I say about my dear paramour?” Rarity looked up and tapped her chin, thinking. “He is kind, but firm when he needs to be. A hard worker who knows when enough is enough. He’s always willing to push himself for the sake of others. Truth be told, I think he’s shown great promise as a father figure, that was important to me, also. And not to brag, but I did manage to snag him, so to speak, before the other mares in town got a chance.”

“So it’s because he’s like you, then. And because you think he’ll be a good dad, eventually. If you have foals.”

Ocellus noticed a shiver go through Rarity at that, one she couldn’t place. It wasn’t one of disgust or fear, but almost of surprise? Which made no sense, because they were talking about some obvious subjects here.

Rarity smiled once it passed, though. “Of course, darling, ‘if.’ If I ever decide to have foals, then it will be important to have a strong father figure in the house. That is doubly true in a town full of mares, like Ponyville is. There’s more to it, but I’m afraid I can’t quite say. My special somepony is someone of some importance, subject to gossip and media frenzies. We both decided it would be best if we kept our relationship a secret for as long as possible.”

Ocellus let her head hang, but nodded. “I understand.”

“One thing I’ve found that works for me, though, is this: if you cannot figure out the ‘why,’ look at the ‘when.’ I know I have a… small, barely noticeable habit of overworking myself ever so slightly, and my special somepony has, shall we say, been through that proverbial wringer enough to see the signs. When I am absorbed in a new design or a project, he stops me when he needs to. Likewise, when he is over-exerting himself, a little flutter of the eyelashes and a quick little demand for attention distracts him enough to take a break.”

Ocellus could feel her eyes water. “So you have someone who can stop you from doing the wrong thing. That sounds like it’d be perfect.”

“I wouldn’t say it’s perfect, but in your case I can see the appeal, confidence-wise, I mean. Don’t confuse the help of a partner with giving up control, that’s important. It’s a complementary relationship, darling: he has his vices, I have mine, we both look out for each other. I couldn’t tell you the amount of times I’ve had to tell him to leave poorer-” Rarity stopped herself mid-sentence. “To leave things be as they were. He’s a bit… interventionist by nature, and while I sympathise, I don’t always agree. We have similar weaknesses, but seeing them in each other makes us more aware of it in ourselves, if that makes sense.”

“Because you’re seeing the same weakness in someone else, you know what it looks like in yourself,” Ocellus concluded.

“Exactly.”

She shuddered and pouted, pondering. “Yeah, me and Scutum are nothing like that. He’s confident, I’m not. He shows off his body, I never could.”

Rarity shook her head and grimaced. “Oh, I distinctly recall you looking quite fetching in that cheerleader outfit, Ocellus, you shouldn’t talk yourself down like that.”

“That’s different. Scutum doesn’t sleep in Ponyville, he doesn’t even come by that often, and he has more friends than I do. Every time he visits, it’s like he’s lived here forever. He talks to ponies so casually, and they talk to him like they’ve known him for years. That’s nothing like me.”

The mare’s ears twitched. “You don’t say? I hadn’t noticed.”

“I guess you wouldn’t. When he’s waiting for me, he usually hangs out with Rumble and his friends, ever since-”

“Since little Rumble got that modelling job, yes, now I remember. Your Scoots and Rumble are on good terms with each other, I keep mixing up the names. Right, I suppose that does make you somewhat of an odd couple, in that regard.”

“See what I mean? What if I haven’t been feeling love this whole time? It doesn’t work the same way it does for ponies. What if I’ve been wrong? What if he doesn’t really like me, and he’s been wrong about what he’s feeling?”

“I think the caffeine is triggering your panic reflex now, darling,” Rarity started. “Don’t let the adrenalin rush cloud your judgement. Don’t get ahead of yourself, and remember why you are here in the first place. You are here because you need a gift, you can worry about everything else later. And on that note, you know you can simply give him something pretty, right? Or something practical? Didn’t you say he’s an artist? Some fine quills or brushes or charcoal to sketch with, perhaps?”

“He’s learning how to be an artist,” Ocellus explained. “But he, umm, he was born wrong. I don’t know if I’ve told you.”

Rarity winced and pressed a hoof to her forehead. “Right, right, Starlight mentioned that. Born colourblind, which in your society means-”

“Crippled, and useless, and disposable. At least the way we used to do things. That doesn’t work the way it does for ponies, either; he couldn’t detect colour in any way for most of his life, including when he tried shapeshifting. He was lucky he could pick a pony in greyscales for expeditions, but if he tried to turn into a piece of furniture? Black and white only. And no one knew for so long, not even me. If Chrysalis had found out, well…”

The mare sighed and absently rubbed her belly, as the thought probably made her queasy. “Yes, the old wolf cub treatment, eh? I see. I suppose books on colour theory are out of the question then, too.”

Ocellus shook her head. “I know those are good, I know he’ll appreciate it, but still… I don’t want to remind him of that, not today. But I can’t think of anything that would work.”

“With colour being such a common factor, I’m not sure I do, either. I don’t know the boy’s sensibilities myself.” Rarity gave off a playful pout. “Rather wish I did, he sounds like a model I could work wonders with. But, if all else fails, there are two things you can give your special someone that will always succeed.”

“What?”

“A strong hug, and a gentle kiss. I may not know the specifics of changeling romance, but a show of affection never fails.”

“But it’s our first Hearts and Hooves Day together. I need it to be special. I need it to be something to remember.”

“Then I’m afraid my only real advice would be to give him a kiss he cannot forget. But given your obvious reservations to that sort of thing, I cannot recommend that in good conscience. I’m sorry, Ocellus. I wish I could be more help, truly I do. Do you know if he likes surprises, at least?”

“I’m not sure. I know I don’t. Is that bad?”

“Not at all. I’m not overly fond of surprises myself, especially when it comes to the important things. No, I like being able to plan for things just like you, and I can tell you there is nothing wrong with that.”

“Except when you oversleep and you don’t have time to plan.”

“There is that, I suppose. So what is the plan now? What will you do?”

Ocellus gritted her teeth. “I need to find something. There has to be something in Ponyville, anything.”

“You’ll be off, then? I could always find a good scarf or a custom shirt, something nice and dapper.”

“Some other time, maybe, when I have a better idea. For now, I think it’s best if I go out again. If Scutum comes by here, could you stall for time?”

Rarity nodded. “I’ll drag him into a fitting session for you and keep him busy as long as I can. If he comes by here, that is.”

“Thank you.”

“Anything for a proper romance, darling.”

“Wait, but what about your boyfriend? Don’t you have plans?”

“Oh, he’s off to a Wonderbolts derby in Canterlot, we have plans for later. Never you mind that, you focus on what you need to do.”

“Will do.” Ocellus got up, and heard her stomach growling.

“Oh, and darling? Don’t forget you still need to eat? Skipping lunch is not going to help you think.”

Ocellus flitted through Ponyville, flying low so as not to stick out. Scutum was probably in town already, she couldn’t afford to run into him, not now.

Okay, jewelry? Nothing colourful.

Tea set? He might get the wrong idea.

Crooked kayak?

She stopped by one of the bridges on the edge of town, right by the Ponyville Kayak club. All the boats there were bent, somehow. They weren’t broken or structurally damaged, but every single kayak and canoe bent at a right angle. “Huh. That’s odd. If I didn’t know any better, I’d almost think that was-”

“Duck!” a voice called out.

Ocellus hit the ground right in time to see an arrow hit a mare ten paces ahead. A second arrow followed soon after, and hit the mare next to the first one.

Lyra and Bon Bon. They were both struck.

And even from that far away, Ocellus could see the little heart bubbles floating and popping over their heads as they suddenly started fawning over each other.

By now, she’d summoned enough mental clarity to recognise the warning voice. She turned around to face the sharpshooter draconequus. “Discord? What are you doing?”

Discord had adorned himself with a set of feathered wings, as well as a quiver of arrows and a tiny shortbow. He also had a halo, that was attached to his head via iron wire, and a rope harness that wasn’t attached to anything to hold him airborne. He came floating by in his best Cupid impression. “I’m spending the holiday doing what I do best: sowing a little chaos. That’s LyraBon sailing away, right there.” He took out a messy parchment and crossed out a line on it.

Momentarily distracted by the sacrilege, bad disguise, public drugging and, worst of all, sloppy notekeeping, Ocellus growled at the near-omnipotent spirit of chaos. “If Princess Twilight finds out about this…”

He snorted and cut the ropes holding him up with his bare fingers, landing him neatly on the ground. He snapped his fingers to get rid of the wings and halo, but kept his weapon and ammunition. “She’ll have to answer to Princess Cadence first. I’m not doing anything that pink Princess doesn’t do on a daily basis. Can’t blame a draconequus for having his favorite ships, right? Speaking of which, do you think anyone minds I made some adjustments to the local kayak club’s gear? I’m not sure why, but seeing a straight ship in Ponyville just feels wrong.”

That confirmed her first suspicion. Discord was bored. Nobody liked him when he was bored. “Discord, that’s not right. You don’t know what kind of damage you’re doing.”

He snarled. “They’re kayakkers, they deserve it after what they tried to pull last time I was in town.”

Ocellus tried to think of what that might have been, but nothing came up. “I mean damage to society. You don’t know if you’re harming anypony by shooting love arrows willy-nilly.”

He cleared his throat with a dramatic flair. “Excuse me? Okay, first of all: I am not firing love arrows willy-nilly. I have a very strict, very progressive and publically accepted list of ships that I support. So I am firing love arrows deliberately, thank you.”

He held up the list to her. It looked like a spider’s web, if the spider had been simultaneously drunk and subjected to experimental doses of caffeine and mushroom extracts. A lot of the supposed couplings were crossed out on only one side, and replaced with another.

“You know, a lot of those couples look like you’re replacing one pony with another. So you can’t really have a set list of ships, right?”

“Oh, no, I assure you, the ships remain the same, even when you replace both ponies. I had this discussion ages ago, I’m sure Theseus wrote it down somewhere.” He tossed the list behind his shoulder into oblivion. “Secondly, I am not doing anything wrong here. What am I harming? Society?” He waved a claw over his face to conjure up some form of clown make-up, then waved down to remove it. “I’m not making anyone gay, unlike some ponies I could mention.” He glared back at Ponyville, specifically at the Writer’s Guild headquarters.

Ocellus knew he was glaring at the Writer’s Guild, because that was the building that always had interesting clouds over it for some reason.

“Speaking of which, have you seen Rumble?” Discord took out another arrow, this one a different shade of pink than the others, and with a different tip, with pink and blue stripes. “I hear there’s a bounty out on his head and I’ve got an arrow with his name on it.”

“Thunderlane’s brother? You want to make him gay?”

“It’s the popular thing to do.”

“Discord, please don’t.”

“Which is exactly why I won’t do it. I’ll turn him into a girl instead. I hear the odds are fifteen to one he’s trans, and there’s only one way to find out. I’d like to get my pay-out before it drops another five points. His voice dropping has already cost me a fortune, I’m not taking any chances.”

Ocellus glared at him.

Discord threw his hands up in innocence. “Hey, don’t look at me, I didn’t start this! I’m only planning to finish it. You know how crazy ponies have been getting better than I do. All I’m doing is holding up a mirror.”

She sighed in resignation. “Okay, fair point. I’m too tired to argue, anyway. But can you at least promise not to use any magic on children unless they ask for it? Even if you think ponies are crazy, you do still understand consent, right? I don’t think Spike would appreciate it if he heard you talking about that sort of thing.”

“Eh, I suppose. Fine, I’ll hold off on that particular piece of artillery.” Discord stowed the arrow away in his quiver. “But Rumble starts asking for a bow in his hair, I’m taking my shot at him.”

“That’s progress, I guess.”

“Yes, ‘progress,’ is what you all like to call it. Trying to put me out of a job, is what it is,” Discord grumbled and gagged. “Taking all those chaotic and outrageous things and trying to normalise it, yeugh. What are you doing out here, anyway? Shouldn’t you be with your boyfriend? Or did he decide to turn into a flea and hide somewhere under your wing?” From out of nowhere, Discord flipped an oversized nickel, one with a pony on it. The pony was holding a bouquet of flowers.

“No,” she replied.

The nickel pony’s flowers wilted.

“Oh.” Discord stuck the coin in his ear. “Well, I’ll get that second nickel sooner or later. Stupid Loki...”

“I forgot today’s Hearts and Hooves Day,” Ocellus started. “I’m trying to think of what I can get him. What about you? Shouldn’t you be with Fluttershy?”

“Fluttershy? On Hearts and Hooves Day? Did someone hit you with the crazy arrows, by any chance?”

“No?”

“Good, I’m saving those for a special occasion. I don’t need the hassle of losing ammo before I need to. Anyway, today’s not a good day to be around Fluttershy, not for me. Today’s the day she always gets greeting cards and propositions.”

Ocellus blinked. “Propositions? Of marriage?”

“Of sponsorships. You’d be surprised how much money you can make just to spit out platitudes about silly morals without actually acting moral or doing anything productive. Fluttershy is very polite to them, but that also means it takes a long time before ponies get the message. So I prefer to enjoy this day a little more… actively. I always liked Hearts and Hooves, had a nice flair to it.”

“Wait. You like this holiday? You like love?”

“Of course I like love. Can’t get a giant wooden horse through the gates if there’s no love involved. Love is chaotic, it’s unpredictable. It’s funny, when it’s not being so disgustingly sweet and mushy.” He gagged.

An idea popped into Ocellus’ head then. “Oh. Then I don’t suppose you could help me with a problem I’m having?”

“Why would I?” He leaned in and leered ominously.

“Aside from it being love-related? Maybe to get back into Headmare Starlight’s good graces after almost killing us.”

“That was one time.”

Ocellus thought back. “Was it, though?”

“Okay, two. Three… maybe five.” Discord tapped his chin, and started growing extra fingers to count on. “But definitely not more than seventeen!”

“And your stunts in the cafeteria.”

“Now, are you referring to the pheasants or the orca? Because I’ll have you know the orca was absolutely not my fault, natural causes, completely out of my control.”

“Or, umm, you know, because I’m desperate, and I really don’t know who else I can ask at this point. I could, maybe, make it worth your while? If you need anything in return?”

He chuckled, before straightening up with a bright smile. “And what could a changeling possibly offer m-wait, you mean you’re up for a warlock pact?”

“Maybe?”

“Oh, I haven’t done one of those in so long. Alright, then, let’s talk.”

He snapped his fingers, and time stopped.

“Let’s talk terms first: what is it you want?” All around them, screens appeared showing Ocellus on a throne, Ocellus poring over documents, wearing a wizard’s hat, or a black outfit and sunglasses while she was doing what looked like yoga while dodging arrows. “Power, information, control?”

“Umm… information. I need to know the exact steps I need to take to make this a perfect Hearts and Hooves Day for me and Scutum.”

“Hmm…” Discord stroked his goatee, and the screens disappeared. “A time loop spell, then? Redo the day over and over until you’re both satisfied?” A gopher popped out of the ground, wearing the sunglasses Ocellus had seen seconds ago. The thing pointed at its shadow, gave the draconequus the thumbs up, then dove back down into the ground.

A time loop did sound like a good way to get through the day. Every story she’d ever read about such magic centered around making a perfect moment. Still, she was smart enough to see the problem. “No, no. I woke up exhausted this morning, and if I can’t change that, then I can’t find the right answer.”

“A revitalisation spell, then?” he offered. “Delay the fatigue until tomorrow?”

“No. Even if I have all the energy I need, my mind would still be working without sleep, without any real rest.”

“Catnap spell? Give you that sleep right here and now, five minutes, wake up completely refreshed.”

“That is tempting… but I can’t guarantee that will give me what I need. No, I need a divination spell. I need to know where I have to go, and when, and what to say, to make it perfect. I need to find a gift for him, and I need to make him happy. Can you do that?”

“Oh, divination?” The draconequus gagged and spit out a crystal ball to stare into. It showed a pair of ponies arguing about who was first in a race, Ocellus didn’t get it. “I don’t know, it’s all so boring and rigid. But I suppose I’m not against a little stacking the deck.” A snap of the fingers, and the crystal ball turned into a tarot deck, which then became a house of cards that looked like the Leaning Tower of Pinto. “Alright, then. Just for today, I’ll give you the perfect instructions. If you’re not satisfied, I’ll turn back time only up to the point of the pact. And that’s assuming you are not satisfied.”

“And in exchange? Do I have to rob some arcane vault, or prank a politician?”

“Please, what do you take me for? I was never a demanding patron, even to the ponies who shot Uncanny Blasts like it was confetti. No, there’s only thing that’s really valuable to me.”

She cringed. “And that is?”

“Entertainment. Last time I got to do a real game show, the Pillars were roaming Equestria. I want to see how you tackle one of those.”

Author's Note

So in this one, I kind of wanted to see if I could do subtlety, still. The conversation with Rarity is supposed to hint at a few things strongly enough for the reader to guess, but not so much that it outright says what's going on.

Other than that, Discord was fun to write. He's getting in on the action with Rumble being such a target for things, but he at least has the decency to hold back when confronted about it. I suppose it's a possible source of controversy, but at this point I don't think it matters, really.

This whole story in general has a lot of references and callbacks to my older works. Not all of them, because obviously that'd bloat this thing beyond proportion, but a lot of them. The Rumble thing being referenced was a whole trilogy, for example, and one of my earliest 'big' successes before that. Discord doing his gameshow was a contest entry, Ocellus being hyped-up on caffeine was a Sisterhooves fic, the list goes on.

Seemed appropriate to do, given the meta context of the story.