"So back off your rules! Back off the jive 'cause I'm sick of not living to stay alive!" Music blasted through the car as two humans drove slightly above the speed limit. The model of the car being a Honda Civic. "Leave me alone, asking a lot, I don't wanna be controlled. That's all I want!" The car went flying over a hill and got a solid three seconds of airtime. Okay, maybe a little bit more over the speed limit.

"Bro turn the fucking music off for a second," one of them said. He had shortly trimmed blonde hair and was wearing a black t-shirt and blue jeans.

A button press later and the music was off. "What do you want, Tyler? I was enjoying the music," the other said. He had slightly long, rough black hair and had a white t-shirt and also blue jeans.

"The fuck do you think I want, Brian?"

The driver looked over at Tyler, who was giving him the 'are-you-fucking-stupid' look. He looked outside at the dirt terrain with no other cars in sight. Then, at his speedometer. His eyebrows raised as he eased off the brakes.

He facepalmed. "No, not that you fucking idiot."

"Bro, the fuck do you want from me?" Brian asked, throwing his hands in the air, causing the car to veer off to the left suddenly before he quickly grabbed the wheel and reverted it back to how it was. "Shit!"

"You're a dumbass, you know that?" Tyler sighed.

"Yeah, I know, just give me the fucking news, bro," he spoke slapping the steering wheel with his hand in agitation.

"Look in front of you."

Brian rolled his eyes and looked at the road. Dirt. Just dirt. Like it was before. He turned back to Tyler who was moving his hand in a rolling motion forwards before raising one eyebrow at him. "Bro, stop trying to give me these Einstein-ass puzzles! It's just fucking dirt, man!"

"Where the fuck are we going?!"

His mouth formed into an 'Oh' shape before he looked back at the road and onto his phone's GPS, which was mounted on the vent above the car settings. He frowned before speaking. "Well, uh- I don't know what to tell you man, it says we're going the right way."

"Oh yeah? Well Google Maps is lying to you. How far away are we?" Tyler asked, pointing to the phone.

He squinted his eyes. "Uh, like ten minutes away," he spoke.

"When's the next turn?"

"It says just go straight until we get there." He turned back to look at Tyler.

Tyler eyes widened as he threw his hands out to his sides. "Yeeeaaah!" he said slowly on purpose. He then threw his arms in front of himself, gesturing towards the road multiple times, his eyes somehow widening with each gesture. "There's just dirt!"

"Yeah, I fucking know! Didn't I tell you that already?"

"Oh my god." Tyler slumped backwards into his headrest, putting a hand on his forehead and groaning before jumping back out of his seat and throwing his arms out again. "Look at where we're going! There's nothing fucking there! If it was straight ahead, we'd see a fucking building already! I swear, I'm losing braincells just talking to you. We've been driving for fifteen minutes and we're already fucking lost!"

"Look, man, I don't know what to tell you! I'm just following the fucking GPS!" Brian tried to argue.

"YOU LIVE HERE!" Tyler shouted at the top of his lungs. "You've driven to Wendy's before!" He clutched his hair in agitation. "Oh. My. Fucking. God!" he threw his arms towards Brian, as if he was going to strangle him. "Pay attention to the road next time!"

"Bro, the area's changing, chill out! It's just a windy road from here, look!" Brian said calmly. Suddenly the road had turned from an endlessly long dirt path into a thick ass forest.

"Wha- Huh?" Tyler looked bewildered. "It wasn't like that before! You saw that it wasn't like that before!"

"Bro, are you schizophrenic? If it wasn't like that before, then how are we currently driving through a fucking forest?!"

"Look behind you!"

"I have a god damn rear-view mirror, why do you want me to-"

"Just look!" They both turned to look behind the car. It was just more thick forest. "Where's the dirt?! We were just there a minute ago!"

"Well, I, uh- we just turned on the road a little bit, so that's probably why-"

"Stop giving me bullshit excuses!" He was starting to turn red. "We just got to the damn forest! If we look behind us, we would've at least partially seen dirt!"

"We're driving fast, okay?! Maybe the dirt is already far behind us or something!"

Tyler looked at the speedometer. 55. "You are not driving that fast, man! That's barely even freeway speeds!"

"I don't know, man! I'm just as fucking confused as you are!"

"Then turn us the fuck around!"

"OKAY-!"

The trees began to disperse into an open field of bright green grass, with little rabbits hopping around. And by the looks of it, a small medieval-looking town was a little to the right, which the dirt path currently led them to. Their eyes widened.

"There it is! The Wendy's is over there! See! Google Maps wasn't lying!" Brian gestured heavily towards the village, a smile of victory on his face.

"What the fuck? Bro, this isn't even the same Wendy's that we go to- You know what? Nevermind. Slow the fuck down before you run someone over."

Brian rolled his eyes before letting his foot off the gas and easing onto the brakes. "Alright, alright! Jeez, mom."

Brian started to slow his speed to 35mph as they made their way to the town. Weird. He didn't remember there being an apple farm around here. And one with horses. A quite colorful horse. Maybe their owners are just fucking weird, he didn't know. He wasn't one to judge.

Eventually, they came upon the town, and slowed down to 25mph.

"Uh..." Tyler muttered as he saw colorful ponies of all different shapes and sizes walk around what looked to be a farmer's market. "What the fuck is with all the ponies? And why the fuck are they all so small? And why are there so many?! And why do they all look like a child's play thing?! It must be one of those weird ass ranch farm owners that plays with their animals! Get us the fuck out of here!"

"I know! I fucking know!"

"Why aren't you turning around?!"

"There's horses behind us! They're fucking surrounding us like Aliens, man!"

"Just run them over!"

The two started panicking as the car was suddenly stopped completely in its tracks as a purple hue held the car in place. "Oh shit, oh shit, oh fucking shit! We're so dead!" Brian started panicking, flooring the gas pedal to try and get out of there, only to kick up dust and do absolutely nothing other than nail a small filly behind them.

"What the fuck is this?! Oh my god, Satan found me! My mom was right! Why did I decide to watch porn?!" Tyler cried. "Oh god, oh god oh god oh god..." he started hyperventilating.

"What?!" Brian shouted, confused.

"I'm sorry I got us into this mess!" he shouted back.

"You watch porn?!"

"Who doesn't?!"

"I mean- that's fair, but- HOLY SHIT!" Brian screamed like a little girl after seeing a purple horse in front of the car with a glowing fucking horn?! "Get down! Don't let them open the fucking doors!"

They crouched down, holding the cupholders to keep the doors in place. "Brian! If we don't get out of this mess, I want you to know that I fucking love you, man!"

"I love you too!" The car started shaking them around like popcorn in a popcorn maker. "Oh my god this is so fucking gay!"

"At least we'll be gay together in the end!" Tyler cried.

"That's corny as shit, man!" Brian yelled, holding the door tight to his chest. "I don't want to die!" Then the door he was holding onto got ripped completely off of its hinges and he fell backwards into the mob of zombies- Well- ponies.

"NOOOOO! Brian!" He soon suffered a familiar fate as his door was ripped off of its hinges and he fell backwards, hitting his head and knocking him out cold.

Author's Note

Some random ass story that I'm going to be writing. I've been reading more "human in Equestria" fics recently and wanted to write my own, as some of them are just fucking hilarious.

Ha ha... this is going to be a fucking fever dream to write.

Feedback is always welcome!

Update History:
V1.0 - Originally written.
V1.0.1 - Some minor tweaks on how I phrased stuff. Occasionally added an extra sentence or two.
Also:

"Uh..." Tyler muttered as he saw colorful ponies of all different shapes and sizes walk around what looked to be a farmer's market. "What the fuck is with all the ponies? And why the fuck are they all so small? And why are there so many?! And why do they all look like a child's play thing?! It must be one of those weird ass ranch farm owners! Get us the fuck out of here!"