Darkness. Total darkness.

"Pssst!" Tyler groaned as he slowly opened his eyes. "Wake the fuck up dude!" Brian hissed.

"I'm sorry mom... it was the magic horsey..."

"What the fuck?"

"Magic... horsey... wa- huh?" His eyes opened slightly before slamming shut again from a bright light source. Trying again, while straining his eyes, it was revealed that he was in a dark room with a single lightbulb lit above him inside of a cone lamp shade. It's yellow glow piercing through his retinas, as if judging his every sin. He was also sitting on a wooden chair, quite basic, but it was sturdy with rope tied around his arms and torso. The chair seemed to have him unwillingly scoot to the side.

"Bro! Finally! Help me get out of here!" Brian whisper shouted. That was when he realized that the two of them were sitting back to back in two wooden chairs. And that they were both tied down with the same rope.

"Where... the fuck?"

"We got captured by fucking ponies, Tyler. I don't know how, but they captured us. I think they have the force or some shit. C'mon, help me get the fuck out of here!" Brian started trying to free himself from the chair, rocking it back and forth. "Bro, what are you doing? You're just sitting there!"

A door opened up what appeared to be a staircase. The light shun slightly into the room, letting known a dark silhouette of a pony as they stepped into the room, the door closing behind them right after.

"Shit! Brian, they're here!" He started rocking the chair too. "Please don't impregnate us with your weird alien shit!"

The pony then stepped into the light, revealing themself. It was a purple mare with some stupid horn on its head that also had purple hair with a magenta stripe in it. "Oh shit! You're the one that stopped the car! Oh my god, we're fucking dead! We're so dead!"

"I'm not here to kill you. I'm just here to ask a few questions," the mare spoke calmly, making Tyler stop in his tracks. He eyed the pony with confusion as she spoke. "First of all, what are you? I've never seen your species around before and you aren't in any books. Secondly, why are you here?"

Tyler only managed to smack his lips together in random movements, blurting out random syllables. "I, uh-"

"Bro, what the fuck is happening?! I can't see shit!" Brian spoke, trying to turn his head to get a better look, turning the both of them around slightly in the process. That was until the chair he was sitting in was gripped with magic as the rope was somehow duplicated and his chair was turned to face the pony while sitting side-by-side with Tyler. "Oh, that's better- oh shit! It's the thing that stopped the car!"

Tyler groaned. "I fucking said that already!" The unicorn facepalmed. Or facehooved?

"Listen, what species are you guys? You two seem pretty innocent enough. Just tell me what you are," the purple pony said again. Brian had the same befuddled look as his friend.

"I'm sorry, am I going fucking insane or something? Horses don't talk," Tyler said. The interrogator scribbled something down on her notepad with a floating piece of paper and pencil. "Oh, shit, she you're right, Brian, she has the fucking force!" The mare looked at them with confusion. "What are you, Darth Vader or something? I don't want to end up like Admiral Motti!"

It was now the unicorn's turn to be confused. "Wha- I..- Look, Just answer the question!"

Both of the humans looked at the pony like she was a retard. "Y'know, I think I might be a human being. I don't know, though, I forgot," Brian spoke sarcastically.

"What the buck is a human-"

"I think the scientific term is Homo Sapien-"

"Shut the fuck up, Tyler!"

The unicorn glared at the two. "Stop with the interruptions!"

"Listen, lady, I don't even know your name! Why should I trust you?" Tyler asked.

"Bro, she's the one holding us hostage." Brian looked at Tyler angrily. "Stop trying to get us killed, man!"

"I already said I wasn't going to kill you!" the pony shouted before taking a deep breath and putting on a friendlier face. "Sorry, I didn't properly introduce myself. My name is Twilight Sparkle," she said with a strained smile.

Tyler snorted, trying to stop his laughter from echoing through the room, causing a crack to form in the unicorn's facade. "Tyler, shut the fuck up! You're going to kill us!" Brian shouted.

"What? What's wrong with my name?!"

"Did your parents name you that because you're purple or something? 'Cause that is one creative name you got there," Tyler said while still chuckling. "It even matches your ass tattoo."

"Okay, what-" the mare was shoved out of the way to be replaced by a flying blue-

"Is that a flying horse?!" Tyler screamed at the top of his lungs. "Yep. It's official. We're dead. Is this what hell is like? I didn't think it'd be this dark. I expected more flames and destruction-"

"Who are you two?! Are you guys spies sent here to take down the princess?!" the pegasus, who had quite a rash voice and a rainbow mane, flew into both of their faces, staring at them with one eye.

"Bro, you know what I'm thinking?" Brian asked with a snicker.

"Oh no," Tyler spoke to himself, seemingly giving up as he leaned back into his chair and didn't bother to look at the weird ponies anymore. "Yeah, we're dead."

"Tyler, shut the fuck up." Brian reverted his attention to the flying pony. "Yo, pegasus or whatever the fuck you are. I'm going to be honest. Did your parents ever tell you-"

"Oh my god..." Brian ignored him.

"-that you look like a living bag of tropical flavored skittles?" Brian finished. Tyler couldn't hold his laughter any longer. If he could, he would've fell on the floor laughing and rolling around like a pig. Brian joined in shortly after.

"What?! What is that supposed to mean?!"

Brian had to use all of his willpower to not laugh. "A-And let me guess! Y-Your name is Rainbow S-Spectrum or some stupid shit like that!" he said between labored breaths before he continued laughing.

She growled. "C'mere you little-" She raised a hoof before being yanked back by Twilight's purple energy.

"Rainbow Dash, stop!" Twilight spoke.

"Oh. My. God. I was right!" The laughter thickened. "I'm going to die from laughter before they even have a chance to kill us!" Rainbow growled as she was held back by Twilight's force choke, or whatever the fuck she was doing.

After the laughter died down - and Rainbow was feeling kind of suicidal - Brian regained his composure and straightened out his arms (as much as he could because he was still tied down) straight in front of him, his face turning still like a robot. "Okay, serious face now. Serious face. Sorry, what were you saying, Twilight?" Tyler couldn't help but snicker.

"I..." Twilight groaned and rubbed her forehead with a hoof, dragging the struggling pegasus out of view. "Okay. So you two are 'humans'. Why are you here?"

"We were on our way to Wendy's," Tyler spoke without hesitation. "We were looking for a good burger. Gotta be Wendy's."

"Bro, I'm going to be honest, Wendy's tastes like shit. I only eat it 'cause it's the only fast food place around here," Brian said.

"Oh hell no. You are not disrespecting Wendy's like that after you spent 25 minutes driving your stupid ass to this random ass village in the middle of no where!" Tyler shouted. "'Oh, I'm just following Google Maps. It just says to go straight-' you're a fucking dumbass!" he said, mocking Brian in a high-pitched voice.

"Dear Celestia- SHUT UP!" Rainbow shouted.

"Do I need to separate you two?" Twilight asked.

"Nah, we're chill." "He's my bro, you aren't separating us." Both of them spoke at the same time. Twilight's brain broke. She nearly snapped the quill she was using in half.

"I... Okay..." She wrote down some more stuff on her flying notepad, with noticeably more aggression than before. "How old are you two, anyways?" she asked with an eyebrow raised.

"Well, I just got my license-" Brian started speaking before Tyler cut him off.

"Yeah, he just got his license and his dumbass thought it was a good idea to drive over 80mph on a dirt highway!"

"No one was there!" Brian complained.

"Yeah, you're lucky no one was there!"

"Shut up, Tyler!- We're sixteen," Brian said calmly, reverting his attention back to their interrogator.

"Wha- Huh? You're just children?" Twilight asked, her brain completely frying. They have such a potty mouth... She set down her notepad on a nearby table that popped into existence.

"I mean, I'd like to think we're mature young adults-" Tyler continued to speak.

"Shut the fuck up, Tyler!" Brian interrupted again. "Yes, we're kids."

"Oh." She spoke, eye twitching, before turning around and muttering silently to herself, "What the buck am I going to tell Celestia?!" She turned back around, her calm facade reforming as her horn lit up and their chairs were untied.

"Oh, that's neat. Nice, we're not dying," Tyler said as he got out of the rope.

"Yeah, no thanks to you," Brian said as he also got out of his own chair.

"Shut up," Tyler playfully shoved Brian aside before being shoved himself. And before they knew it, they were laughing as they walked up dark steps up to an open door where Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash had left the room.

Their eyes widened as walked out of the room. "What... the... fuck?!"

Author's Note

Taste the rainbow.

Version History:
V1.0 - The OG.
V1.1 - Added a few sentences of extra comedy. Nothing major, though.
V1.1.1 - Added a tiny detail.