Scam Your Heart Away

He just had to be…honest. Flam shuddered at the thought. Who was he, Applejack? He stood outside a shabby restaurant, shuffling on his hooves.

The unicorn reluctantly steeled his nerves, marching into the restaurant. He stopped in his tracks at the decor. This place was disgusting. Bugs scuttled across the poorly tiled floors. Flam held back a gag.

In all honestly, this location was perfect for the occasion. If Flam was going to break the stallion's heart, he might as well do it somewhere cheap. No one would notice Filthy Rich’s crying over the terrible decor.

Flam spotted Filthy, who sat at a table just as dirty as his name. He looked just as disgusted as Flam, his hooves hovering over the grotty table. Flam took in a deep breath, taking brave steps to his boyfriend.

“Greetings, Mr. Rich.” Flam greeted all too formally. Filthy Rich smiled, waving enthusiastically.

“Hello, Mr. Flam! It’s a pleasure seeing you again.” Filthy happily responded. Flam stared at Filthy, his heart pounding in his chest. It wasn’t too late to run away and pretend this never happened. Still, he reluctantly sat.

“Why did you want to meet up…here?” Filthy asked with a twinge of disgust. “Not that I’m judging your choices.”

“I have something rather important to tell you.”

“Oh, and what’s that?” Filthy asked. Flam looked to Filthy with guilt-ridden eyes. Just looking at him made Flam's heart hammer. He quickly averted his gaze to the table. Flam anxiously tapped his hooves on his seat.

“I’m a scam artist,” Flam jumbled his words together. Filthy Rich cocked a brow.

“What was that?” I didn’t hear you.”

“I’m a scam artist.” He mumbled once again.

“One more time?”

“I’m a scam artist!” Flam blurted. Filthy Rich shoved his hoof over the unicorn's mouth, his eyes darting across the restaurant.

“Don’t announce it to the whole world.” He scolded in a whisper. “If ponies knew I was with a scam artist, my reputation would be ruined.”

Flam’s brain short-circuited. Filthy Rich was taking this really well. A little too well.

“You…don’t care?”

“Flam, honey, If I cared, I wouldn’t have gone on that second date.”

Flam blinked in confusion, Second date? But that was last week! Did that mean-

“Wait, wait, wait. You knew the whole time?” Flam asked in disbelief. Filthy Rich rolled his eyes.

“How could I not? You tried to take over the Apple’s farm!” Filthy reminded. “Sure, I didn’t recognize you at first with the shabby lighting in the restaurant, but I connected the dots when I got home.”

Flam blinked, his jaw slacking.

“If you knew, then why didn’t you say anything!?” Flam asked, throwing his hooves in the air.

“I wanted to see your methods.” Filthy eyed Flam with a playful smirk. “I also wanted to make you squirm. You’re so easy to tease.”

Flam’s face burned red with embarrassment.

“I am not. In fact, I think I’m quite stoic.” Flam defended, crossing his arms. Filthy laughed, throwing his head back.

“Mr Flam, you are not subtle at all. You think I didn’t notice your little tricks? Please, I perfected them before you could even walk.”

“I’m a year older than you.”

“My point exactly. You think I didn’t notice your brother whispering to you in the park? He was so loud that I’m sure he could be heard across town!”

Was Flam really that transparent? He always assumed he hid himself well.

“And while we’re on the subject, I’d appreciate it if you’d return my pocket watch. It’s a family heirloom.” Filthy ordered. “Don’t think I didn’t notice you take it. Why do you think I’ve been wearing this?” He asked, jutting his hoof out to the watch on his arm. “This thing is ugly!"

Wordlessly, Flam reached into his pocket, pulling out the watch. Filthy Rich all too gratefully took it.

“If you knew, then I guess you knew about my plan.

“Of course I did. Why do you think I was giving you wine at the park? I was trying to get you drunk so you could confess. But you seem to have a higher tolerance than I accounted for.”

Flam’s eyes lit up in realization.

“Oh, and you fed me those scones as a form of torture!” Flam declared. Filthy frowned, clearing his throat.

“What? No, I genuinely tried with those. Were they that bad?” Filthy shook his head. “Nevermind. My point is that you aren’t subtle at all.”

“What if I leaked your secrets? I could’ve put your business under.”

“Oh, please. I am theFilthy Rich! Who would ponies believe; a known scam artist or the beloved Filthy Rich?”

Flam opened his mouth to respond, but nothing came out. Filthy made very good points. Filthy Rich tapped his chin, squinting.

“There’s just one thing I can seem to figure out. How did you know I would be at that restaurant?” Filthy asked. Flam shrugged.

“Your daughter posted about it on her blog.”

Filthy rolled his eyes. “Of course she did.”

Flam stared at Filthy, a woeful feeling in his chest. He had told Filthy everything. And if he had told him everything. what else was there to say?

“So, this is it?” Flam asked. “I mean, you don’t have any reason to be with me anymore. You have no secrets to get from me.”
“Mr. Flam, I’d be crazy to deny our chemistry.” Filthy Rich started. “You’re funny, and you’re smart. It would be crazy to let someone like you slip out between my hooves.” He reached under the table rummaging for something.

“Which is why I had something made up for us.” Filthy Rich pulled a contract, plopping it onto the table

“Where did you get that?”

“A good businessman is always prepared.” Filthy boasted. “If you sign this, you can’t try to take my business. It’s legally bound.”

Flam squinted, skimming through the contract.

“But…this only lasts a year. Wouldn't you want something life-long?” Flam pointed out. Filthy Rich nodded.

“If you don’t feel like being with me by that time, then it’s a risk I have to take for the business.”

Flam was touched. A stallion's business was personal, and he was willing to risk it all. It was so touching that he almost cried. Flam wiped his eyes, jutting out his hoof.

“Alright, give me a pen.”

"What kind? I have about a dozen." Filthy asked, pulling out a conveniently hidden pencil case. Flam grabbed a pen, all too happily signing the dotted line. Filthy Rich snatched up the contract, admiring Flam’s signature.

“Now that we’re officially officially dating, I can do this.” Filthy grabbed Flam by the collar, pressing his lips against Flams. Flam's heart pounded in his chest, and his legs turned to jelly.

They pair pulled away with a wet ‘pop’.

“Oh my!” Flam gasped.

“I’ve been waiting to do that!” Filthy cheered.

Filthy Rich wrapped his arm around Flam, pulling him close.

“Flam, we’ll be able to do great things together.” Filthy’s smile faltered a bit. “Now, let’s get out of this dump; it smells like poor ponies.”