Scam Your Heart Away

Flam walked along the streets of Ponyville, his heart hammering in his chest. He couldn’t be actually falling for Filthy Rich. What type of con man would he be if he fell for everyone he used?

“These are just false feelings,” Flam said to no one in particular. Filthy Rich was an odd stallion; Flam wouldn’t want to get with someone like that. His mannerisms were weird, and he was too vague with how he spoke. Flam would never want someone like that.

And the way he talked? Ugh! It was like nails on a chalkboard. Well, maybe dull nails on a nice chalkboard. A very nice chalkboard, actually. Maybe one of the nicest chalkboards out there.

Flam shook the thoughts from his head. He needed to focus on something. Something like…like groceries! Flim had been begging him to do a little shopping every once in a while. It would at least get his mind off of things.

Flam walked through the grocery store, the inside air cooling his skin. This is what he needed! A nice, slow day. This was far better than being cooped up with Filthy Rich! The very handsome Filthy Rich.

The unicorn groaned, shaking his head. He shouldn’t be thinking about Filthy Rich this way. Filthy was his prey, and he was an apex predator! The predator didn’t fall in love with their prey; they attacked!

What Flam really needed to do was de-stress. He glanced around, making sure no wandering gaze was on him. Flam grabbed a few items off the shelf, shoving them down his shirt. He let out a sigh of relief. He couldn’t be expected to pay for everything; He’d be broke if he did!

Flam continued his shopping with a little pep in his step. A little thievery always lifted his spirits.

“What else do I-woah!” Flam gasped, his hoof slipping from under him. What was that? Flam looked down, looking for the item that had tripped him.

It was a can. Actually, it was a dozen cans! Flam’s stared at the mess.

Numerous cans were strewn about the floor, blocking the aisle. Next to the mess was a comically large sign, snapped in half. It looked like the sign had fallen and knocked over a shelf. Flam scoffed at the lack of foresight. What kind of store owner lets their store get messy?

If Filthy Rich was here, he would have set it up properly. Flam admired how he kept his store. Everything there was perfect, just as it should have been.

A gasp got stuck in Flam’s throat. He was thinking about Filthy again? His eyes darted around the store, looking for anything to distract his feeble mind.

Everything was starting to look like Filthy Rich. Every little detail in this Celestia-forsaken store was like him. The hum of the fluorescent lights was like the beautiful sound of Filthy’s voice. The tiled floor was the same color as his coat.

Flam was going mad. He needed to get out of here. He did a U-turn with his cart, hightailing his way to the checkout. The sooner he got out of here, the better.

Flam squeezed through the small store, quickly making his way to the checkout. His speedy departure skidded to a halt as he stopped behind an elderly pony. She moved at snails pace, steadily taking her groceries out of her cart and placing them on the conveyor belt. Flam impatiently tapped his hoof. If she went any slower, she’d probably win a record!

He annoyedly shuffled, his eyes darting around the grocery store. His eyes landed on a stand pushed away in a corner. It was run by a familiar mare. It was that scamable mare, Roseluck!

She still wore that gaudy necklace. Her stand was covered with various flowers, from lilacs to carnations. One in particular stood out to Flam. A blue bouquet.

The bouquet was a striking bavarian blue, resembling Filthy Rich’s eyes. The thought of them made Flam weak in the knees. Maybe he should buy them for him.

Flam’s eyes widened, his breath catching in his throat. He wanted to get someone something? And without getting something out of it? Flam has to be dying. These were the last thoughts of a delirious stallion; he just knew it.

His hoof flew up to his chest, checking his heart. Still beating, though it was a little faster than he’d like.

“Sir?” The cashier called, breaking him from his trance. “Are you going to pay?” She asked, gesturing to Flam’s already packed groceries. When did he get to the front of the line?

“Yes, yes, sorry.” He quickly apologized, pulling out a bag of bits. For a second, Flam considered giving this poor poor cashier a tip. By Celestia, he really was losing his mind!

With his groceries now in tow, he marched away from the cashier. He levitated the bags over his head, looking back at the flower stand. The blue bouquet called for him, like an item on sale.

Flam tore his eyes away from the stand with a huff. He pointed his snout to the air, stomping out the store. How could that terrible earth pony get into his head like that? Filthy was charming, but he wasn’t that charming.

The unicorn stomped out of the store and into the streets, a mixture of emotions bubbling in his chest. They threatened to spill over like a pot of water. He needed to put these feelings into something.

Flam inhaled deeply, looking at the vast blue sky.

“Curse you, Princess Celestia!” He bellowed, shaking his hoof to the sky. Celestia didn’t have anything to do with this, but would Flam do? Blame himself? Ha! Not a chance. Wait, should he be cursing Celestia? Cadence was the Princess of Love.

Flam continued his journey home, mumbling curses to any alicorn he could think of.

Flam entered his shabby apartment, kicking the door shut. He force of the kick rattled the thin walls. Flim lounged on the couch, looking up at the commotion.

“Look at you, finally, getting groceries.” Flim teased. “My baby brother is all grown up.”

“Shut it before I give you another black eye.” Flam hissed, retreating to their bunkbed. Flam flopped onto his bed, shoving his face into his pillow.

Flim looked to Flam, then to the groceries, then back to Flam.

“Are you not going to put them away?” He asked. Flam remained silent. “Well, I’m not doing it.” Flim shrugged, climbing to the top bunk.

What was wrong with Flam? He was a top-class conman being weakened by some guy!

Flam reached under his pillow, grabbing Filthy Rich’s pocket watch. He had stored it there for safekeeping.

He rolled to his back, holding the pocket watch above his eyes. The clock steadily ticked, each one sent a slight jolt through his hooves.

“Flim, do you ever get a knot in your stomach when you do something?” Flam asked, breaking the silence.

“Not once in my life.”

The mattress creaked from above him, and Flim peeked over the edge of the bed.

“Why? You’re not having second thoughts, are you?”

“…Well….” Flam squeaked. Flim groaned, throwing his head back.

“I knew this would happen! It hasn’t even been a week, and you’re helpless!”

“Hey, I am not helpless!”

“Lest I remind you of the incident?”

“Fancy Pants asked me out first!”

“Flam, you dated him for 3 years! You almost married him, and we didn’t get anything out of it!”

Flam scoffed, rolling his eyes.

“Yes, we did! We got a restraining order.” He stated.

“Flam, that is not a good thing!” Flim shrieked. “I should’ve just done this myself. I am the smart one, after all.”

Flam scoffed, rolling his eyes.

“You wouldn’t survive a single date.”

“Yes, I would!”

“Oh yeah? Imagine cuddling a pony.”

Flim shuddered.

“Flam, that’s disgusting.”

“And kissing.”

Flim retched, shoving his hooves over his mouth. His face burned red, but Flam couldn’t tell if it was from embarrassment or hanging upside down for the past 7 minutes. Maybe it was both.

“Alright, alright! Spare me the details.” Flim pleaded. He huffed, flopping onto his pillow. “You didn’t have to bring up such sensual details. Have some class, brother.” Flim shuddered.

Flam looked back at the pocket watch. It was beautiful, but left a heavy burden on his heart.

"We might as well call off the plan if your emotions are going to be in the way." Flim adviced. As much as Flam wanted to deny it, his dull headed was right. But he couldn't just lead Filthy Rich on. That would get them nowhere.

Flam pursed his lips. He had to be honest.