Chapters Starry Never Left the Forest
What an utter embarrassment.
Treating a friend like shit. Like some sort of damn pack animal. All over my own personal bullshit.
Who the fuck was I to ask for forgiveness? After making him carry *my* baggage up a big fucking hill.
Why couldn’t I just tell him where we were going?
What the fuck is wrong with me?
No wonder ponies like *me* don’t ever have real friends. Ponies like me only ever have acquaintances and leeches, before they do the sensible thing and break things off the moment they find out just how much of a broken, needy mess I am.
But just like that.
I was back at the steps of the library.
As if nothing ever happened.
This is normally the part where there’s some big revelation, or god forbid, I’d have gotten some closure from this mess, but...
...keep dreaming, Starry.
Keep dreaming that you’ll ever find piece. You old, useless wreck.
Especially with Golden at your seven-o-clock.
...
...wait, what?
“Hey, Starry! Wait up!”
“Oh! Golden! I-”
I tried not to look him in the eye. “I wasn’t...*really* expecting to see you again...”
“Over what?”
“Over, you know...”
“Oh. Heh.”
“...”
“...”
“Oh! And, that reminds me.”
“What’s that?”
“I’m...”
I really wanted to look him in the eyes now, but.
I guess I just didn’t have it in me.
What is wrong with me?
“I’m sorry.”
“Oh! It’s..It’s nothing, really. I just...really wanna know what’s going on, is all. You’re my friend, and I don’t want to watch you suffer.”
I really don’t deserve him as a friend.
“You know...you mind if we grab lunch together over the weekend? With everything – you know – I probably should talk about it.”
“...I mean, I don’t want to push yourself into doing something you don’t wanna do...”
“No! It’s fine! My father, he was – hoo boy – he was a little more than just a locksmith. I’d love to tell you some of his stories, if you happen to be free.”
Golden’s eyes widened. “...really?”
I grinned. “...for Kirin barbecue, that is.”
“Ohmygodohmygodohmygod YES!”
He reared up, hooves high in the air. His little mannerisms he made whenever he was exited always made me giggle.
“Oh MAN. We are SO ON for this. Let’s um...wait. Hang on. Almost forgot.”
My toy doll. The one from the forest.
I really, really don’t deserve him as a friend.
“...can I give you a hug?”
Starry Never Left the Forest
"Aisle 32, next to the microfilm section."
The young filly nodded and turned to the direction of my hoof. Barely keeping her excitement in check as she scampered her way to the comic section.
"And no galloping!"
I shook my head as I swiveled in my chair around to the other end of the desk. A nervous teenaged colt was trying not to look me in the eye as he sheepishly pushed the overdue copy of Cherry Blossoms and Sweet Nights.
"You know our policy on late returns, Blueberry."
"But...my sister kept hogging it!"
I raised an eyebrow, unconvinced.
"I'm so sorry! I...I just almost lost it. But I have it here, right?"
I sighed, and opened the inside cover. I glanced at the library's notice, reminding readers that fines may be assessed if books were ever late or lost.
"...don't let it happen again."
He barely gives himself enough time to say thanks before scurrying away.
Azure Rose peers from behind the wall of the tiny administrative office in the corner. She smiles and waves. I always take the time to wave back before plunging back into work.
Rose always came off as one of the nicest mares I had ever met, always willing to lend a hoof, whatever the occasion. It was thus no surprise that when I requested the busier shifts, explaining that I did not like to let my mind idle, she unquestionably obliged.
I always wanted to ask her about her affable demeanor, and the genuine joy that seemed to relentlessly pour forth from her, but I had always hesitated at the last second. After all, what right did I have to question her, if she had never questioned me about my past?
"Staaaryyyyy~..."
Speaking of which.
"I thought I told you now to call me that!" I forcefully hissed out.
"Yeah, yeah. Whatever, buttercup."
"What... I ... I already have a migraine. Joy. What the hell do you want?"
"Why, yes, it is nice to see you too after so long. You got a moment? 'Cause I just so happen to have a little something in my pants that I've been waiting to show you for a real long time..."
"All these years, and you finally grew a pair? Congratulations. Now piss off before you blow my cover! "
"Woah, hey, it's just a photo-"
"Well, I'm flattered, comrade, but I really don't need your nudes, either." I could barely hide my grin. By tartarus, I suddenly couldn't control myself!
I had spent years collecting reasons to resect my past from my life, and I could only watch helplessly as it all washed away by the tantalizing, foalish glee of eternal comradeship.
I could've -- should've -- been angry at him for doing something this stupid or reckless. Again.
But at the end of the day, my ire only ever lasted for so long.
After all. I was always having way too much fun making him blush to care.
"Wiseass. Look, I- I rarely ever said this, but I'm being serious here!" Exasperated, he started digging into his pant pocket.
He's beings serious? Wow. Someone call the papers. Golden Morning. Being serious. This better be good. Or...who am I kidding. This is going to be either hilarious, horrifying or both.
I hesitantly lead him towards the door, knowing damn well that it was going to be both.
"...then we better take this outside."
***
"His name is Joachim."
"Oh. Yeah. Joachim. Right. Great guy..."
It'd been a while since I'd as much as looked at a photo of one of these guys. It was hardly good for my blood pressure. I feel like I could almost place him at some raid somewhere years back. He almost seemed a little familiar.
Then again. At the end of the day, they all were "just a little familiar".
"So who the fuck is Joachim?" I tried to cut straight through the bullshit, impatiently flicking the photo onto the table like a worn-out six of spades.
"Glad to see you haven't lost your touch..." He grinned, chortling bemusedly before leaning in.
"Now, I really am sorry that I had to break your cover, but I really think that you're gonna like this one..."
Something was so natural about...all of it.
The carefree demeanor. The four-letter pleasantries. Staring at Golden's hoof on the table as he went on and on about which eighty kilo sack of hugo boss and excrement we're bumping off this time. The jackknife in - not on - the table was the only bit missing.
Nothing's better than finding oneself at home.
"Joachim von Eagleclaw?"
"Real piece of work, and that's if you even get to him."
"If...If you could..."
I leaned in, and lowered my voice. Something reminded me that somepony might've been listening in.
"...so how are we getting to him? " Slowly rubbing my hooves with apprehension.
But Golden let the moments tick by. Painfully slow.
I stared him down, clenching my jaw and grinding my hooves together as I felt the apprehension build.
...
He bursts into laughter. This bastard. I'd beat him in a staring contest any day of the week. Of course the guy wouldn't ever admit it. We both know he'd use it to try and one-up me.
"For crying out loud! There's no need for that!" He waived off my hoof-wringing.
"We just gotta get a wagon, grab this asshole, then dump him. It's a dump job, that's it!"
"...that's it?"
"Look. I know we're not the same ponies that we used to be. But this one is a no-brainer! I mean, I got word that this guy is sipping a cider on the other side of town as we speak!"
I got the sinking feeling that this might be our last time. It was a good run, I thought.
But those words rang hollow as the realization sank in.
Nonetheless. If Golden knows where he is, then existential crises can wait.
"Then what are we waiting for?" I rose from my seat.
Starry Never Left the Forest
Starry was always...
Nah.
Starry was always...passionate? Maybe? I gotta have better than that...
If Starry was anything, here and now, she was untimely. Untimely enough with grabbing that asshole, a grabbing that she insisted on doing herself, mind you, that I'd just managed to finish my seventh round of Mad Libs.
Now. This one, this one is giving me a lot of trouble. I was just thinking, I might as well go with, "Starry was always-"
*CRASH*
...on second thought. That one's pretty apt, actually.
"Šūdas!"
Ever fashionably late and always propelled forwards with nothing but existential angst and sexual frustration, Starry came careening through the front door of the nondescript dive bar just across the sidewalk, old griffon strapped to her back. Before I could even blink, she dumped our new friend on the bed of the wagon. "Go!"
And I set off, wagon in tow, without as much as a backwards glance.
***
"You know, you could've been quicker with that!"
"Heh. It's a special occasion, pardon me for taking my time!"
Starry was beaming. Clearly proud of her...handiwork.
"You, uh... You went to work on him, I assume? Heh..." I tried my best to cool my nerves.
"Have a look!" She gestured to the wagon.
I turned my head to look.
...and immediately turned back.
"Eugh..."
"Not bad, eh?"
"That's, uh...that's something, all right."
"Hey. I've always done my best work."
"..."
"..."
"So, uh..."
"..."
"...soooo, I'd hate to spoil the surprise, but you mind telling me where we're going? I could use a break."
"Heh. You'll find out. As will he. But don't worry, we're not far. If we can keep the pace, we can get there before dark."
"Yeah. Fair enough. I guess you picked someplace special for this one."
We continued through the forest trail for a little while, before I suddenly found myself on a steep incline.
About halfway up the slope, my legs and sides started to ache.
"Look, Starry, seriously, this is...this is really something..."
"Aww, come on...just a little longer!"
I begrudgingly decided to press on. If only to not ruin this for her.
But soon after we cleared the top, I started to notice Starry's demeanor change. More nervous glances. Suddenly more calculated in her pace and gait.
"...you okay?"
"Yeah! Yeah, I'm...alright..."
She undercut her being "alright" with several deep breaths. She seemed utterly inundated in a torrent of thought.
"So...I think I talked to you once what my life was like for me before the war..."
When she didn't respond, I continued, cautiously.
"But, I don't think you ever talked about what things were like for you. I mean, what was your family like? Weren't you the foal to a locksmith or someth-"
"Look, I am NOT telling you where we're going, okay?" Starry suddenly snapped.
"I don't know why you're trying to pry into me. I mean, what the hell is it to you!?"
She kicked the ground in frustration, before taking a few moments to collect herself.
"Look. Golden, you're my friend, but sometimes...you really..."
Another sharp exhale. Barely keeping her voice steady.
"...you really piss me off sometimes. Okay? Let's...let's just go."
I could hear her try to keep her nose clear. The disturbances in her breath became ever sharper as the strained to hold back tears.
"...was it something that I said at the library?" I offered, trying to prevent things from ending on a sour note.
But Starry was silent.
The stress on my joints was only getting worse. At that point, I wasn't sure what was going to break first. My patience, or my will.
It was then that, right then and there, something clicked.
"Look. Starry."
Words began to pour out.
"I've had enough. I want to leave you alone, believe me. But this guy isn't getting any lighter, you're kind of starting to scare me, and to be honest, I'm getting pretty fed up with this...vague, secretive bullshit. So what the hell is this?"
I...didn't know what to think.
I knew I was angry, of course, but...
But those words just left me, like hornets from a startled hive.
Nonetheless. They were words that stopped Starry in her tracks.
***
I followed Starry to a small meadow in the middle of the forest.
From the moment I detached the wagon and followed Starry's lead out of the forest, the ground slowly turned into a verdant Van Gogh of tall grasses and dandelions.
I watched, almost enchanted, as a breeze gently stroked her silver-spiced mane.
In the time since I picked Starry up from the library, the bright summer day had slowly begun to give way to tangerine dusk that tenderly caressed us both.
But now, even time itself seemed to slow in reverence, so sacrosanct was the wonder and beauty.
"Do you know where we are?"
"No..."
My mind was stumped, so my next words came from my heart.
"...but I have a feeling that this place is something special. Something sacred."
"Lot of memories here. Never got used to the stillness."
"I suppose you're glad to see Longsword in peace. No more war, no more suffering."
Misty-eyed, Starry drew her next words from a lily pond still enough to see your reflection in.
"Golden, you precious little colt..."
She was holding a small figurine. A Filly’s toy.
"...that wasn't exactly what I meant."
My heart sank.
I watched a rapid of anguish and pain rush through her. Nearly bringing her down to her knees.
But in the last moment, a patient, silent and calculating fury seized her form.
With earthquakes and lightning in her eyes, she set off in a full gallop towards the exit.
She finished what she had started.
Starry was always...complicated.
But this energy. This sorrow. This...simply horrific, 600-volt rage that struck at the heart and tore at the soul.
...maybe Starry was always like that.