Video Game Journeys: Sam & Max Save the World

The following day, Sam and Max decided to use the bug to prank call someone. The recipient soon answered the phone and bug started talking as if it had just watched a scene from a film known as The Exorcism.

"I... am... reborn! I will feast on your entrails and devour your soul!" the bug said in a demonic voice.

"That scene creeps me out every time!" Rainbow shivered.

It was soon discovered, though, that the person that they were prank call was the commissioner of the New York City police.

"Nice one," Twilight muttered under her breath as Sam spoke to the commissioner on the phone.

"What's that? ...Yes? ...Yes? ...No! ...Yes? Sweet suffering St. Sebastian on the sousaphone in a short story by Susan Sontag! We're on our way!" Sam exclaimed.

He then hung up the phone.

"What was it about this time, Samuel?" Rarity asked.

"I'll tell you. We have a far more bloodthirsty adversary this time... the president of the United States of America!"

"The big man himself?" Rainbow asked.

"That's right. The man's gone nuts! He's enacting all kinds of crazy new laws."

"What else is new?" Max shrugged.

"Federally mandated group hugs before, during and after all major sporting events!"

"What?! Is he crazy?! I don't want to hug the other team if I don't know 'em!" Rainbow said.

"He's curtailing civil liberties! Threatening the environment!"

"He's... WHAT?!" Fluttershy snarled. "If so as much harms my little Angel Bunny, I'm going to give him quite the earful!"

"And he's about to introduce mandatory gun registration for all 50 states!"

Max got out his gun, the Lugermorph, ready to teach the President a lesson.

"Get the keys," he said.

After a long drive, Sam, Max and the girls made it to the front of the White House. Due to how many people there were this time, Sunset rented a car so that she could follow Sam and Max without being crowded in the back of the DeSoto. While Sunset's car ended up all right, the DeSoto, on the other hand, ended up hitting the White House's mailbox.

"I have to point out, Sam, that we could've avoided this gruesome accident if you'd just let me drive," Max said as everyone got out of the cars.

"And I have to point out that we could've avoided this gruesome accident if you hadn't jumped on my head shouting Jersey Devil! Jersey Devil! And firing your gun out the window!" Sam retorted.

"I swear that woman was a dead ringer for him."

"Well, aside from that little fiasco, it looks like we all made it to the White House unharmed," Twilight said.

"Let's go bring the hammer down on that so-called Commander-in-Chief!"

Before anyone could enter the White House, however, they were stopped by a Secret Service agent. The agent's name was Superball. He denied them access as they had dangerous weaponry, as well as being minors.

"I apologize for the inconvenience," Superball said. "But rules are rules. If you don't have a government-issued ID with you, are not 18 or older, have dangerous weapons, or do not have a responsible adult with you, I'm afraid I can't let you in."

"Darn!" Rainbow grumbled.

"Well, I guess we'll be on our way," Twilight said.

They then walked away from him and decided to explore the outside of the White House. To their surprise, everyone saw Jimmy Two-Teeth in the wading pool.

"Oh, great! What are you guys doing here?" he snarked.

"Saving the world, that's what! What in God's name are you doing here?"

"I happen to take my vacations at the White House, and I need a little R and R. Speaking of which, beat it!"

"Jerk!"

Twilight walked away from Jimmy and noticed something strange about the pay phone.

"Well, that's strange. This phone only takes Susan B. Anthony dollars. And it's a 555 number. Let's see... 555-1984. Hey, that was the year Raegan was elected! Neat!"

"Did I ever mention how I've memorized pi to one thousand decimal places?" Max said randomly. "It's 3.14159265358979..."

"Shut up, Max! The next time you spout off that irrational number, I'm having Sam smother you with a pillow in your sleep!"

After that little mishap, everyone decided to head back to the office and see what Sybil was up to. On the way there, they noticed posters with the army's new slogan, Give you all you've got! As they looked at it, they noticed that one of the posters had come loose. Sam picked it up and put it in his pocket. Upon reaching Sybil's place, they all saw that she had put up lettering outside her window that read Love is for everyone. This made Twilight sad. It reminded her of her first crush, Timber Spruce. Unfortunately for her, the two of them had broken up after the first video game incident. She figured that she could get away from it by being on break with her friends. Unfortunately, the sign reminded her of the happiness that she once had with him. Sunset patted her hand on her shoulder, letting her know that everything was going to be all right.

The group entered the place and noticed that various heart-like lights were going around her office.

"Ooooohhh! Trippy!" Pinkie exclaimed.

"Shut up," Rainbow grumbled.

"Hi, Sybil," Applejack said.

"Hi, guys," Sybil greeted. "I'm really excited! I found the perfect job for me!"

"And what's that?"

"I, Sybil Pandemik, am now a professional matchmaker!"

"You're helping people get dates?" Twilight asked.

"Precisely. And it fits, since I'm having trouble myself. It seems like all the guys I meet are either total losers or borderline psychopaths."

"Ouch! That's harsh," Sunset said.

"Tell me about it."

"Maybe I can help!" Pinkie exclaimed.

"From an amateur matchmaker like you? I don't think so."

"Aw, come on. Give it a try. You never know what could happen."

"All right. Well, I'm more into older men. Guys with a little history to them are such a turn-on. Oh, and tall men! And distinguished. And he should be experienced."

"Okay. I'll keep that in mind. Thanks, Sybil!"

And with that, they all walked out of her office.

They then decided to go to Bosco's to see what overpriced item he was selling this time. On their way there, they met up with Hugh Bliss.

"Well, hello!" Hugh exclaimed. "I see the seven of you are all reunited! The whole gang is here! Tia Sabine, Riley David, Pamela-Pinkamena Pratt, Fiona Smirnov, Jacqueline Ackerman, Rachel Labelle, and Scarlett Scully! Commonly known as Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Applejack, Rarity, and Sunset Shimmer!"

"H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-How do you know our real names?" Fluttershy stammered.

"By magic!"

"But... Scarlett's my adopted name. I'm not..." Sunset began.

"From this world? Of course not! But that is still your name, isn't it?"

"Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Yes."

Hugh just giggled with delight upon hearing her answer.

"Hey, Hugh. I have a suggestion. Do a disappearing trick!" Twilight sneered.

"Okay!" he said.

And with that, he disappeared. After doing so, Twilight took the free home delivery sigh and handed it to Sam. Sam then put it in his pocket before Hugh returned.

"What was that for?" Applejack asked.

"Something tells me we might need it later," Twilight whispered.

"All right, I'll go by your word."

"Come on, let's go see what Bosco's selling this time."

The group went into Bosco's store and saw that he was wearing a Russian hat. He now called himself Vladimir Illyvich Boscovorski.

After explaining that the feds are watching him, Rarity asked him why he thought they were after him.

"Maybe it's because I know too much," Bosco said.

"So, are you working on anything to defend yourself against the higher ups?" Twilight asked.

"Yeah. I'm working on a satellite missile defense system."

"Isn't that more than a little bit overkill?" Sam asked.

"Nyet! We are strong like bear against attack! I'm working on modifying B-Tads Part Deux."

"Your anti-delivery system?"

"That's right. It was already programmed to keep people from delivering stuff to my store, so I just went into the database and changed beef jerky to inter-continental ballistic missiles."

"A small price to pay that's worth the payoff," Twilight smirked.

"Da! Twilight knows what is up. Problem is, I need the money for it."

"Wait a minute. Is this going to be the price of yer new item?" Applejack asked.

"Well, yes. It's something called a a truth serum. One swig of this and you'll be telling the truth in no time."

"All right, Bosco. How much this time?"

"One hundred million dollars."

Pinkie's tongue popped out as she did a wild take.

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTT?!?!?!?!" she screamed.

"Look, like I said, I need the money to complete my satellite defense system. And things like that are really expensive."

"Well, that would make sense," Sunset said.

And with that, they walked out of his store and went into Sam and Max's office.

Upon entering, Sunset opened the closet door and was surprised to see Leonard tied up and gagged on the top shelf.

"Why is Leonard tied and gagged in the closet?" she asked.

"He's a card cheat, that's why," Pinkie said.

"Plus, he tried to pawn off the original meatball sandwich to Jimmy Two-Teeth," Twilight added.

Leonard then uttered something indecipherable.

"Screw you!" Rainbow retorted.

She then slammed the door shut as Twilight walked over to the telephone.

"Hey, Sam, can I use your phone?" she asked.

"Go right ahead," he said.

"Thanks."

She then dialed 555-1984.

"White House. Agent Superball speaking," Superball said on the other line.

"Hello, please hold."

"Roger that."

Twilight then put the receiver on the table to make sure he stayed on the line.

"You sure about this, Twilight?" Fluttershy asked.

"Don't worry about it. It's the only way we're going to stop the President, anyway. Come on, let's go."

And with that, they all exited the office and headed back to the White House.

Upon arriving, they noticed that Superball was still on the phone. They all saw this as an opportunity and snuck into the White House. Upon entering the President's office, everyone noticed that his eyes were swirling.

"Holy guacamole! He's been hypnotized!" Rainbow exclaimed.

"We've got to knock him out cold and snap him out of it!" Pinkie said.

Before they could that, however, Chuckles walked over to the President, as he was his personal bodyguard. Fluttershy then decided to strike up a conversation with him.

"Um, excuse me, sir?"

"What do you want, girlie?" he snarked.

"I don't appreciate your tone! Wait a minute... your voice... it sounds... familiar? Where have I heard that before? Uh... um... A-ha! I know! You're Chuckles!"

"Lucky guess."

Fluttershy then noticed a room out of the corner of her eye.

"Um, pardon me for asking, but um, what's that room over there?"

"It's the door to the War Room, with unrestricted access to the United States' entire arsenal of long-range missile weapons."

"That sounds dangerous."

"Which is why no one enters it during peace time."

"Well, thank you. I guess I'll just, uh..."

Fluttershy then saw Pinkie playing with a George Washington nutcracker.

"Hi, I'm George Washington. Anybody need their nuts cracked?" she joked.

"Please don't make fun of George Washington," the President said.

Fluttershy just sighed and facepalmed in embarrassment. Suddenly, she saw Sam and Max go near the War Room.

"Boys, don't! You're going to get kicked out!"

But they didn't listen. As soon as Sam touched the handle, Chuckles immediately escorted both Sam and Max out of the White House. He soon returned a few minutes later with Whizzer, one of the Soda Poppers.

"You girls are lucky that you know how to obey the rules. The President might need some help with something," he said.

"What's that?" Twilight asked.

"He needs an interpreter. I don't know why, but he can't seem to understand anything Governor Whizzer says."

"Governor Whizzer?!" the girls gasped.

"That's right. I'm the governor of West Dakota!" Whizzer said.

"West Dakota? You mean there's a third Dakota, now?!" Twilight asked.

"Exactly. I'm here on behalf of that M.R.S.A.P.P."

"What's that?"

"The Mount Rushmore Soda Soda Abuse Prevention Program. It's totally changed my life!"

"Right. Just like Brady Culture did," Rarity muttered under her breath.

"Shut up! I've been carbonation-free for over four weeks, now!"

"I see. Well, if anyone's going to interpret you, who better to do so than Twilight?"

"ME?!?" Twilight panicked.

"Twilight, you're the best one for the job," Sunset reassured her. "Besides, you've had experience with politics before, haven't you?"

"Only once! And that was during the mock election! All right, fine! Mr. President, I'm ready to interpret for you. Go ahead, Governor Whizzer. Begin, please."

"Mr. President, my fellow Americans, I come to warn you about a serious epidemic facing our country: the scourge of soda abuse. Many former pop-heads like myself found ourselves in the endless cycle of addiction and elimination until we believed there was no hope."

"I don't know what you're saying, son, but you're selling it boy! Good job!" the President said.

"I ask you: How long can this epidemic continue?"

"What was that?"

"Well, you see sir, he said, uh..." Twilight said nervously.

She glanced at Applejack, who gave her the A-OK sign while smiling nervously.

"Thank you," she mouthed before clearing her throat.

"He said what's a guy got to do to get a drink around here?"

The President pushed a button, which made the globe open up, revealing a bunch of cans of ice cold sugar fizz. Whizzer couldn't resist and had one himself.

"Oh blessed angels of carbonation! Fill me with your syrupy nectar!" he cooed.

"Ugh! That is disgusting!" Rarity cringed.

Just then, Whizzer felt a sensation in his bladder. He had to take a number one.

"Which way to the bathroom?"

Applejack nodded nervously at Twilight.

"He said which way to the war room?" Twilight said.

The President pointed him to the direction of the War Room. Whizzer was immediately blocked by Chuckles, who then escorted him to the Interrogation Room.

"Nice going, Twilight!" Rainbow beamed. "Now, it's my turn to lay down the law with the so-called President!"

She wound her fist back, then punched the President's head, knocking it clean off.

"What the?! He's not even real! He's a puppet!"

"Oh, of course! The awkward mouth movements should've been a dead giveaway!" Twilight said. "The only question is: who the hell was controlling him?"

Just then, Chuckles walked back into the Oval Office.

"It's going to take days to get that smell out of the Interrogation Room," he groaned. "WHAT?! What have you done?"

"It was an accident!" Fluttershy whimpered.

"We didn't mean to!" Sunset added.

"So, these seven pastel-colored minors managed to off the President," he chuckled. "Still, ratings of the last State of the Union Address were even lower than reruns of Midtown Cowboys. I didn't expect to have to replace the President so soon, but now that these so-called heroes have forced my hand..."

"Uh, dude! We can hear you monologuing from over here!" Rainbow pointed out.

"It's time for a leader the people will HAVE to listen to. Agents Jackson! Burr! N'Degayembe! We are moving the timeline forward. Commence phase two of the operation. I'll prepare the new candidate."

He then walked out of the office to do just that.

"That doesn't sound good," Fluttershy whimpered.

"I really hope this doesn't get us expelled," Twilight said nervously.

"Don't be silly. It's just a puppet. Only Pinkie would freak out over a decapitated puppet," Applejack said.

As if on cue, Pinkie fainted.

"I rest ma case."

"Pinkie! Wake up! Wake up!" Sunset said.

She then slapped her friend, which woke her up.

"Huh? What happened?" Pinkie asked groggily.

"You fainted."

Just then, everyone heard thunderous footsteps outside.

The girls ran outside and were shocked to see a giant statue of Abraham Lincoln walking towards the election podiums.

"Holy shit!" Rainbow exclaimed.

"Took the words right outta ma mouth, Sugarcube!" Applejack replied.

"They just reanimated Abraham Lincoln!" Twilight gasped.

Suddenly, both the pay phone and Fluttershy's cell phone rang. Sam answered the pay phone while Fluttershy answered her cell phone.

"Hello? Yes, mom? Uh-huh. Yeah, okay. Lincoln Memorial, hydraulic motors and robot implants," Fluttershy answered. "Wait, why would they put robotic implants in a statue? Okay, okay. I get it. Yes, Sam and Max are with me. And so are my friends. Uh-huh. Sure thing, mom. Love you, too. Bye."

Fluttershy then hung up the phone just as Sam hung up the pay phone.

"Who was it?" Rainbow asked.

"That was my mom. If Mecha-Lincoln wins this emergency election, these evil people will have the power to do anything! Someone has to run for president! And that someone will have to be... Max."

"Are you serious?!"

"I'm afraid so."

Max running for president? Things just got crazier and crazier. Will Max be able to win the election and stop Chuckles and the mecha-Lincoln from hypnotizing everyone? That's what everyone was about to find out.