Well, it was time for the debates. Before that, however, Sam put the two signs he gathered earlier with the cue cards so that Lincoln might say these things when he would bring up important issues.

"There. That ought to do it," he said.

"Sam, how about you be the moderator and I flip through those cards to help manipulate Lincoln?" Twilight asked.

"Good idea!"

Max hopped up on to some books to his podium so that he could run against the robotic Lincoln.

"Mr. Lincoln, as a candidate for office, my pal Max would like to engage in a thoughtful discussion of the key issues."

"Followed by a round of spiteful mud-slinging," Max added.

"I see," Lincoln mused. "Well, this is a bit irregular. As you're well aware, I am the most beloved president in history, so I just assumed I'd be running unopposed."

"Oh, no, you di'int! Uh-uh!" Pinkie said.

"Pinkie Pie, please!" Rarity chastised. "Save your insults for another time! Besides, we can settle this the old-fashioned way. Which is to say, by presidential debate."

"Very well. In the spirit of democracy I say: bring it!" Lincoln said.

And with that, the presidential debate began as it was being filmed live in front of millions of people watching at home. Abe Lincoln and Max were going up against each other while Sam acted as moderator.

"Mr. Lincoln, perhaps you'd like to speak about the importance of family values," Sam suggested.

"Of course. A strong family unit is the rock upon which our society is built. It's easy today in this age of your blinged-out horseless carriages and racy daguerreotype magazines, to believe that honesty and fidelity are outdated concepts. But I stand proud. I have been completely faithful to my lovely wife, Mary Todd for over seven score years. I've never even looked at another woman."

As he was talking, Pinkie managed to take one of the flyers advertising Lincoln's campaign. After taking it, she then put it in to her hair for safe keeping. It was then that Sam decided to ask Lincoln about some of the issues. Twilight flipped through the campaign cards until she came to one that she saw interesting. She gave the thumbs-up to Sam to let him know that she was ready.

"Where do you stand on religion and schools?"

Lincoln glanced at the cue card and read what it said.

"Two wrongs don't make a right."

His response did not go well with the people who were watching him. In fact, it brought him down in the polls to 60%, while Max was at a measly 39%, and 1% went to the third-party candidate, Ralph Nader. After the polls were looked at, Twilight switched the cue cards for the next issue. She then nodded to Sam, who then brought up another issue.

"How do you plan to solve the problem of toxic waste?"

Lincoln, once again, glanced at the cue cards and read off what he saw.

"Free home delivery."

Once again, the response did not go well with those who were watching, which affected him in the polls. Lincoln's poll percentage dropped down by 10% from 60 to 50%, whereas Max stayed the same. Nader, however, bumped up to 11%. It was then time for one more debate question. Twilight switched the cue cards so that Lincoln could read it without him knowing that it was her doing it.

"How would you describe your tax plan?"

Lincoln glanced at the cue card, then read what it said.

"Give me all you got."

Once again, the crowd did not like his response. This bumped his polls down another 10% down to 40%. Max still remained unchanged, but Nader had just gone up to 21%. With the issues done, Twilight decided to slip the bug on to Lincoln's podium so that it could repeat stuff that he said just in case they needed it.

"Excuse me, Mr. Lincoln, would you like to say a few words to the audience watching?" Twilight asked.

"This is a date that will be remembered for centuries to come," Lincoln said. "Today is the day we return America to greatness! I stand here at the steps of the White House, not above the people, but with the people. Only one man can lead the nation through this troubled time. I, Abraham Lincoln, am that man. The time to act is now! Thank you."

"Pfft. I've heard better addresses from the 411 operator," Max snarked.

This did not make Lincoln happy.

"What did you just say?"

"Hey, Lincoln, Captain Ahab called! He wants his beard back!"

Rainbow fell on the ground laughing at Max's insult. To her, it was the funniest thing that she had heard in a while.

"I'm going to slap you silly, you little punk!"

"Save it for the debate, Max," Sam said.

Twilight just facepalmed and shook her head in embarrassment. She then grabbed the bug and put him back in her skirt pocket. After doing so, the group decided to head back to the office and surprise Sybil with something.

Upon entering Sybil's office, Pinkie placed the campaign flyer on Sybil's desk after getting it out of her hair.

"What's this? A new application?" Sybil asked.

"Yeah, it's for... a friend of ours," Pinkie said nervously.

"Oh, boy," Applejack sighed. "I really don't like doing this. I really don't."

"What choice do we have, Applejack?" Rainbow pointed out. "It might seem dishonest, but sometimes, the truth hurts more than a little white lie."

"I guess yer right, Dash. It still feels wrong, though."

"No way! Not THE Abraham Lincoln?" Sybil gasped. "I want you... Honest, dedicated, and over a century of experience. Wow! He's tall, distinguished, loves the theater... he sounds perfect!"

Sybil hugged the application as she finished talking.

"Wait. Are you saying that YOU want to date him?" Sunset asked.

"Exactly! He's perfect for me! Oh, but he didn't leave his phone number. Next time you see him, give him my number. I'd love it him!"

Well, after exiting Sybil's office, everyone went back to Sam and Max's office. Twilight picked up the receiver and got the bug ready so that he could imitate Lincoln's voice to Sybil. She dialed her number and the bug told her in Lincoln's voice to meet her at the steps of the White House as soon as possible. After everything was done, she hung up the phone and put the bug back into her pocket.

After that, everyone went back to the White House for the last few moments of the presidential debate. After a while of debating, Lincoln was just about to finish up his speech to the audience.

"So, to sum up, family values are the bedrock of this nation," Lincoln said. "Our fidelity, honesty, and loyalty to family is our most sacred asset as Americans."

"Candidate Max, your rebuttal?" Sam said.

"PBBBBBBBBBLLLTTT!" Max spat.

"BAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!" Rainbow laughed as she fell over laughing her butt off.

Suddenly, Sybil made her presence known on the front lawn of the White House.

"Yoo hoo, Mr. Lincoln!" she said flirtatiously.

"I believe we have a question in the audience from someone who is not candidate Lincoln's wife," Sam smiled.

"Oh, hi, guys!"

"Greetings, random harlot!" Max said.

"Abe, I'm here! Are you ready for our date?"

"What? I... I've never seen this woman before in my life!" Lincoln stammered.

"But on the phone you sounded so eager to meet me!"

"Listen to me, America, I did not arrange a date with this woman!"

"Oh, so she's good enough to fool around with, but not to date?" Max snarked.

"Mr. Lincoln, I can't believe you're doing this to me!" Sybil sobbed.

Unable to take it anymore, Sybil cried her eyes out and ran back to her car. The incident made front page headlines as Lincoln's family values were questioned by everyone watching. Twilight, who had been watching the whole thing, let a few tears escape as Sybil headed back to her office. It was very similar to how she and Timber broke up. Only instead of it being a presidential election questioning family values, she had caught him with another girl. Sugarcoat, of all people. And it was all because she had showed up late to their date.

"Hey, Twilight, are you all right?" Sunset asked.

"No," she sobbed as she wiped her tears away.

"You're still thinking about the breakup, aren't you?"

"Mmm-hmm."

"Look, I'm a still a little bit disheartened that Flash had started dating someone else, but honestly, I just decided that it was time to move on. I know it's difficult, since you guys were practically dating for almost a year, but these things happen. Nothing's going to change that. Like how I can't change a certain something from my past that I wish I could."

Twilight looked at Sunset and cracked a smile.

"Thanks, Sunset."

The two of them hugged each other. Suddenly, they all heard Pinkie Pie scream at them.

"You guys! The polls are in! Max won!" she screamed. "He won the emergency election! He's the new President!"

"He is?" Sunset gasped.

"Yep!"

Rainbow then ran over to their location using her super speed.

"Guys, Lincoln's about to make an address and he doesn't look too happy!" she winced.

Indeed he wasn't. In fact, Lincoln was more than just unhappy. He was pissed.

"You've got to be *@$%ing me!" he snarled. "You IDIOTS!"

Steam started coming out of his ears after saying those words.

"I don't like this," Fluttershy whimpered.

"*$@% Democracy! I will make you all my hypnotic slaves!"

And he did just that with the two Secret Service agents out on the lawn. After doing so, the mecha-Lincoln proceeded to go into downtown D.C. in an attempt to make everyone his hypnotic slaves.

"Not good! We gotta stop that robotic Lincoln statue and fast!" Rainbow said.

"Who cares? I'm the President! Let's go bomb somebody into oblivion!" Max said excitedly.

"Not just anybody, Max. Abe Lincoln must die!" Sam declared.

Everyone went inside the White House and attempted to get past Superball, but he wouldn't let them into the war room, as it was still peace time. That, plus he explained that he was just following orders from Chuckles. It seemed as though a war was about to be brewing soon, though. The Soda Poppers, who were all governors of the three Dakotas, couldn't agree on some things, yet somehow managed to avoid conflict. That looked like it was about to change with their constant bickering.

"If only there were some way to get one of them to tell the truth," Rarity mused.

"Like with a truth serum?" Pinkie suggested.

As they were talking, Sam and Max appointed Superball as secretary of the posterior. After doing so, Max changed the holiday to Secretary's Day, giving Superball the day off.

"Well, now that that's taken care of, I suppose we should go back to the office and see how Sybil is taking this... embarrassment," Twilight said.

"I agree," Rarity nodded.

And with that, the group exited the White House, hopped in their cars, and headed back to New York.

They all walked into Sybil's office to make sure she was doing all right.

"Hiya, Sybil," Sam greeted. "How are things in the world of computer-generated romance?"

"Oh, I'm not doing that, anymore," Sybil sighed. "Can you believe that guy, never mentioning that he was married? Men are such self-centered jerks."

"So, you changed careers, again?"

"Yeah. Now I'm running a dating service."

"Say what?" Rainbow asked.

"A carbon-dating service. I bought this astoundingly useful machine that tells me how old things are! I wanted a fresh start in a new career to get my mind off that fiasco with Honest Abe. This wasn't my first choice, but I got a good deal on the carbon-dating equipment online, and I couldn't afford to change my sign."

"Hold up! You're having financial problems?"

"I'm afraid so, after my public humiliation with Lincoln, all the applicants for my dating service demanded their money back. Not to mention all the money tied up in pending litigation with the clients who watched Max's dating video that he did yesterday."

"I stated very clearly up front that viewer discretion was advised," Max argued.

"Believe me, I would love to just close up shop for a while and take a vacation, forget about Honest Abe and all the lawsuits."

"IT WAS A WARDROBE MALFUNCTION!"

"But unless I get a major windfall, I have to hope the carbon-dating business takes off."

"So, what your saying is that unless you get a truckload of cash, you're stuck finding out how old things are with that scanner?" Twilight asked.

"Pretty much. Here, I'll demonstrate for everyone else."

Sybil pointed her device at the tiki, which she then found out was over 2,000 years old.

"2,000 years old?! Sybil, that means your place is a potential landmark to get a grant from the national budget!"

"That would make me so happy that happened!"

"We'll make it happen. After all, Max is the President, now."

And with that, everyone headed back to the White House to give Sybil her grant.

After giving Sybil her money, everyone went back to her office and took her carbon-dating device, since she was now on vacation. The group then headed to Bosco's to see if they could find anything that could put Bosco's store on the budget for historical sites. Upon scanning the Hot Weenies, Sam was shocked to find out that they date back to the early Cretaceous period. This gave everyone the brilliant idea to give him a grant. Once Max gave him the money from the national budget, Bosco was so happy that he ended up giving them the truth serum, which was a bottle of vodka. Not only that, but thanks to the money he was given, he was also able to finish his satellite defense system, as well.

"Who do you think we should give this to?" Rainbow asked, taking the bottle of vodka.

"I think I might have a good idea," Rarity smirked.

"Whizzer?" Twilight asked dryly.

"Well, who else, darling? I asked him if he was thirsty earlier and he answered yes."

"Makes sense. Still, is it really necessary to start a war between three states?"

"You have any better ideas, egghead?" Rainbow retorted.

"Whatever," Twilight said, rolling her eyes.

The group left the store and headed back to the White House.

Upon returning, Rainbow offered Whizzer the bottle of vodka. Whizzer guzzled the entire thing down as if it was nothing.

"Wow, that got more kick than the other ones," Whizzer said before suddenly becoming drunk.

"Now can we get back to the deliberation?" Specs asked.

"What's the point? You still think Peepers' idea is stupid."

"Stupid?! You never told me you thought my idea was stupid!" Peepers snarled.

"He said your idea of adding Herbert Hoover hugging the other four Presidents was the stupidest thing he'd ever heard..."

"Well, it is!" Specs admitted. "Hoover wasn't even the best President! And that means he certainly wasn't the most lovingly of all the Presidents."

"Well, at least I didn't suggest putting a parking garage inside George Washington's forehead, like some four-eyed freaks I know!" Peepers said.

"You little...!"

"You big...!"

"Of course, you realize, this means war!"

As soon as he said that, one of the windows closed via metal bars.

"War!"

Some more metal bars closed another window.

"War!" Whizzer said drunkenly.

And with that, the last metal bars closed the windows and the three of them ran out. As soon as they did, the Secret Service agents sang a little song.

After the song was finished, everyone was in complete shock at what they had just witnessed.

"Ooooookaaaaay..." Rainbow said.

"Let's not do that again," Max said.

They all agreed on that as they entered the War Room.

Upon entering, they were surprised to see that the War Room was like a big conference room with a bunch of monitors. One monitor in particular caught their attention. This particular monitor showed the locations of various homing beacons to destroy. Curious, Rarity scrolled through the targets until she came upon Bosco's Inconvenience. For once, he was right. The government WAS targeting him, after all.

"I hate to ask this, but shall we test his defense system?" she cringed.

"Yes! Attention Bosco's shoppers: Clean-up in aisle everything!" Max exclaimed.

Rarity pressed the red fire button, which launched a missile in the form of the Washington Monument. As soon as the missile was fired, it was instantly destroyed by Bosco's satellite. This gave Twilight an idea.

"Girls, huddle up," she said.

Every single one of her friends huddled up with her.

"What's going on, Twilight?" Rainbow asked.

"Yes, darling. Do tell," Rarity said.

"Well, I figured that since we already know Bosco, what if we take the taking the homing beacon from his store and somehow attach it to robo-Lincoln?" Twilight suggested.

"That's idea's just crazy enough to work! I'm in!" Applejack exclaimed.

"Me too!" Pinkie said.

"M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-Me three!" Fluttershy added.

Everyone else agreed as well, then exited their huddle.

"We've decided to go and get that beacon and place it on the rampaging Lincoln," Twilight explained to Sam and Max.

"How? Your car's right behind ours," Max said.

Twilight then used her levitation powers to lift Sunset's car and put it in front of the DeSoto. After doing so, the girls walked out to the car and head towards Bosco's store.

Upon reaching Bosco's store, Pinkie found the beacon, turned it off, then put it in her hair. Once she did that, the girls exited the store and went after the rampaging Lincoln statue. Once they caught up to it, Pinkie reached into her hair, reactivated the beacon, then tossed it on to his neck.

"Bullseye!" she exclaimed.

"Come on, let's get back to the White House! Max is going to be thrilled about this!" Sunset squealed.

She then made a tight turn and headed back to the White House.

Once they made it back to the White House, the girls entered the War Room where Sam and Max were waiting for them.

"Good timing!" Sam said enthusiastically. "You're just about to witness a brand new historical event!"

"The destruction of Robo-Lincoln!" Max said.

He then pressed the button, which fired a missile at Lincoln.

"Quick, let's go!" Sam said.

"Shouldn't we revel a little?" Max suggested.

"You don't want to miss this," Sam reiterated.

Everyone got into the two cars and headed off to the location where Lincoln was.

"You will all do my bidding! I am the most powerful Presidential monument ever created!" Lincoln roared.

As soon as he finished talking, the Washington Monument missile instantly destroyed him. Both the DeSoto and Sunset's rental car used the statue like a ramp to get over to the other side. Once they did, they all came to a stop.

"Yes! We did it!" Rainbow shouted.

Happy that the country was saved, everyone decided to go grab a treat before going to do some target practice. Unbeknownst to them, a voice suddenly spoke in an unconscious Chuckles's earpiece.

"Agent Chuckles, report," the voice said in a monotone robotic-like voice. "Query status: Lincoln gambit four-score-stroke seven. Query not acknowledged in acceptable time-out parameters. Error. Error. Error. Error..."

Uh-oh. That didn't sound good, now did it? Who exactly was that mysterious voice? And what did Chuckles have to do with them? Well, Sam, Max, and the others were about to find out soon enough.

Author's Note

The symbols are actually not censoring Lincoln in text. His profanity actually was bleeped in the real game.

I also changed Specs's dialogue so that he wouldn't get into a heated argument with Twilight about Herbert Hoover.