Video Game Journeys: Sam & Max Save the World

A few days had passed and it was almost time for the girls to go home. They were scheduled to return to school the following Monday, as it was now Friday. Today, Sam was listing off issues to Max for him to solve back at their office.

"Unrest in the Dakotas?" Sam read.

"Dispatch equal numbers of giant robots to all sides," Max said humbly. "Whoever survives, claim we backed them all along."

"Illegal immigration?"

"Let the new guys pilot the giant battle robots."

"Criticism that your domestic policy is too giant-battle-robot based?"

"They can take it up with my new press secretary, the Maimtron 9000, courtesy of Twilight Sparkle!"

Twilight facepalmed upon hearing that.

"Did you have to bring up the fact that I invented that stupid thing?" she grumbled as the phone rang.

"If that's the guys from Air Force 1, tell 'em they get the keys back once they say the magic word."

"Quiet, Max! It's the commissioner!" Sam whispered sharply.

Max stopped talking as Sam talked to the commissioner on the phone.

"Total collapse of the economy and downfall of western civilization? Great grinning head of the John the Baptist in a porkpie hat stuffed in a rhinestone bowling bag! We're on our way!"

And with that, he hung the phone.

"We've got a computer crisis to take care of, everyone!"

"Are you sure? Because I feel like he would try calling a technician instead of you," Twilight snarked.

"It's bigger than that, Twilight! Computers everywhere are going haywire! Planes are falling from the sky! Nuclear reactors are nearing meltdown!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! The horror! The horror!"

Sunset slapped her face to snap her out of it.

"Get a hold of yourself, Twilight!" she snarled.

"Sorry. I don't what came over me."

They soon found out that a lot of people have been tracking electron surges all over America and that the largest was right in New York. That was when they all decided to head out and see where it was coming from.

Upon exiting the office, everyone soon discovered that it was coming Sybil's place. They all entered her building and found the area to be completely dark, save for the light emitting from her laptop's monitor. Everyone was confused when they saw Sybil with some weird-looking goggles on her head.

"I'm surrounded! Lightning bolt! Lightning bolt!" she exclaimed.

"What the hell's going on with Sybil?" Rainbow asked.

"Back, pit demons! With sword of righteous fire, I cast thee away!"

"Is she... playing a video game?"

"Heh. Reminds me of the time Sunset was addicted to that one VR game for a week," Applejack chuckled. "What was that game called again?"

"Fantasy Dungeon," Sunset responded. "This, however, I don't really think counts as being addicted. The goggles might have Sybil hypnotized. We've got to snap her out of it!"

"Launch stinging BB's of unholy smiting!" Sybil exclaimed.

"Oh, shut up, already!" Rainbow snarled as she got ready to punch Sybil.

Unfortunately, as soon as she got ready to punch her, Sybil starting flailing her arms again.

"Shoot! I can't even get close enough to her! She's flailing her arms like that one character in that fighting game we like!"

"Looks like we'll have to figure out another way to knock her out of her hypnotic state," Sam said.

And with that, the group exited the building headed straight to Bosco's.

Upon reaching the store, everyone was surprised to see Jimmy Two-Teeth on the sale table with a cannon. While Sam and Max talked with Bosco, the girls decided to talk with Jimmy.

"Hello, Jimmy..." Rarity said suspiciously.

"Oh, great! It's you guys!" he said sarcastically.

"Just what the bloody hell are you up to?"

"What does it look like, bitch? I've become an arms dealer."

"Uh-huh, I think we noticed," Twilight said dryly.

"And it looks like yer only trying to sell a measly cannon," Applejack added.

"It's not for sale," Jimmy said sternly.

"Worst... Arms-dealer... Ever!" Pinkie said in an exaggerated voice. "I've always to say something like that."

"You've been watching way too many episodes of the Simpsons, lately," Applejack said.

"It's not for sale to you guys," Jimmy explained. "I don't sell to people who work with Sam and Max. The moment youse guys buy dis, the bunny's gonna have it pointed right at me!"

"All right, that's it!" Rarity snarled. "I've had enough of you! Gimme that cannon!"

"Hey, paws off the merchandise, bitch!"

Jimmy fired the cannon, which then shot Rarity right in the face. She covered up her nose as she screamed in pain. As Jimmy was preparing to reload, he suddenly found himself stuck inside the cannon, courtesy of Max.

"Hey, I'm stuck!" he shouted.

"Serves ya right, you little pest!" Applejack snarled.

"Thanks for that, Max," Rainbow said.

"Don't mention it," Max responded nonchalantly.

Pinkie then grabbed the cannon and put it into her hair.

"Are you sure that's wise?" Twilight asked.

"Don't worry. It'll only be for a little bit," Pinkie promised.

Twilight let out a heavy sigh before asking Sam and Max if Bosco had anything new. Sam explained that Bosco had a new invention based around germ warfare.

"Oh, my!" Fluttershy gagged.

Rarity, who had only received a minor injury from the cannon, ended up vomiting in the trash can upon hearing that.

"Aside from that sounding disgusting, how much is it?" Sunset asked.

"One billion dollars. And he'll only except the payment online," Sam explained.

"Are... you... *@$%ing kidding me?!?!" Twilight snapped.

"Whoa, whoa! Twilight, calm down!" Rainbow said.

"One billion dollars I can see... but only accepting it through an online transaction?! That's insane!"

"Twilight, settle down!" Sunset pleaded.

Twilight let out a deep sigh to calm herself.

"All right, fine. I suppose it's only fair. But we'll have to go online somehow. Come on, let's go."

And with that, they all headed back to Sybil's place.

Upon entering the building, Pinkie placed the cannon on Sybil's desk and fired Jimmy directly at her head. The resulting impact knocked the goggles completely off her face, resulting in them getting broken.

"Yes!" Pinkie exclaimed triumphantly as she dumped the cannon.

Sybil then slowly walked back to her desk, feeling dizzy.

"Am I at the respawn point?" she asked in a daze.

"Sybil, snap out of it!" Sunset exclaimed. "You were hypnotized by those wacky VR goggles!"

"I wasn't hypnotized, I was playing a computer game."

"No need to thank us. We're freelance police. It's what we do," Max said.

"Thank you?! You guys just ruined my new job!" she snarled.

"Flailing your arms like Sunset playing Fantasy Dungeon a couple of months ago's your new job?" Rainbow asked suspiciously.

"I'm a beta tester. I was playing Reality 2.0 with those goggles. And look! You broke them! And I haven't even paid off the deposit!"

"Reality 2.0? First time I've ever heard of it," Sunset said.

"It's a new full-immersion interactive massively multiplayer adventure. You play with these VR goggles and a wi-fi link to a distributed game server."

"How in the world did you even become a beta tester in the first place?" Applejack asked.

"I was checking job listings online and found one right next door."

"You mean Lefty's back?"

"No. Lefty's gone. That space is now being used by the C.O.P.S."

"Uh... what kind of cops are we talking about?" Rainbow asked. "Cops as in police, or cops as in an acronym of some kind?"

"It's an acronym for the Society of... something. I can never remember it."

"So, you play computer games like Reality 2.0 and attempt to find major bugs that need to be fixed before the game officially releases in stores?" Twilight asked.

"Exactly."

"One thing I really don't like about video games are long, tedious dialogue trees," Sunset sighed.

"You said it!"

"B-B-B-B-B-But the way you were acting with those goggles, we honestly thought that you might've been hypnotized!" Fluttershy said.

"I was perfectly fine! I just wish that I didn't get hit with a rat on the first day of work."

"They had you start on a Friday?" Twilight asked.

"Today's Monday. Isn't it?"

"You've been playing that game for an entire week!" Sam said.

"An entire week? Maybe I don't want this job after all."

"Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-You're not still mad at us for breaking the goggles are you?" Fluttershy squeaked.

"Uh, yes, actually, I am!"

Twilight examined the goggles and immediately identified what the problem was.

"Hmm... Looks like the rear-slot downstream signal frammistat regurgitator chip is blown out," she said. "Most likely cause: overheating."

"So, what the big deal on those goggles, anyway?" Rainbow asked.

"Well, I paid a big deposit on them, for one thing," Sybil said. "And they're the only way to get into Reality 2.0."

"So, you got these things from...?" Twilight began before Sybil finished her sentence.

"From my new employers, of course. The C.O.P.S."

"I see. Well, thank you, Sybil. I think we'll just go pay them a little visit and see if we can't fix your goggles."

"If you do manage to fix them, you can have them. I don't want them anymore."

And so, the group walked out of Sybil's office and headed into the building that used to be Lefty's Tool Rental shop. Upon entering, everyone was shocked to find four obsolete devices talking to each other. Each of the machines had name tags. The machines consisted of Chippy the Pong console, Curt the Osborne 1 computer with a synthetic voice similar to Stephen Hawking, a Bluster Blaster arcade cabinet who only spoke in exclamations, and Bob the red 80's Southwestern Bell telephone.

"I think we stumbled into the warehouse where Steve Wozniak makes erotic movies," Max said.

"PROXIMITY ALERT!" Bluster Blaster exclaimed.

"Hello and welcome to the Computer Obsolescence Prevention Society," Bob greeted.

"State your business," Curt said.

"Why'd you hypnotize Sybil?!" Rainbow demanded.

"Calm down, Dash. Let's not jump to conclusions," Applejack said.

"Sybil P-A-N-D-E-M-I-K. Inductee 48,726/5," Curt said.

"She's enjoying Reality 2.0, rated E for Everyone," Bob said.

"EVERYONE! ALL WILL FALL!" Bluster Blaster exclaimed. "THERE IS NO ESCAPE!"

"If you'd like to join the internet and experience Reality 2.0 for yourself, press or say yes now."

"Just what does the internet have to do with this Reality 2.0 software?" Rarity asked.

"The internet controls everything," Curt explained.

"The Internet dreams of a world beyond this one," Bob added. "A world of games. A world of commerce. A world with neither boundaries nor exits. Now, using the combined computing power of an entire planet, that dream is becoming a reality. Reality 2.0!"

"IT'S TOTALLY AWESOME!" Bluster Blaster exclaimed.

"Wait a minute. This is all the Internet's doing?" Rarity inquired.

"I get it, now! The Internet has access to all of the world's computers, phones, and any device that uses wi-fi," Twilight said.

"Of course! This isn't about screwing up the computers at all! It's about the people!" Sam said. "Reality 2.0 is nothing less than a fiendish plot to hypnotically enslave... well, everyone!"

"Makes sense. We have to convince the Internet to stop this! The last thing I want to do is destroy it completely!"

"We might not have a choice if it comes to it."

"Point taken."

"So, where can find this Internet?"

"YOU WILL FAIL!" Bluster Blaster exclaimed.

"The Internet is everywhere and nowhere," Bob explained.

"Divide by zero error," Curt added.

Bob then explained that the only way to access is the internet is through Reality 2.0. Luckily for the girls, Pinkie managed to pick up seven of the goggles that Sybil was wearing earlier.

"Pinkie, where did you get those?" Rainbow asked.

"Oh, these? I found them in a bin labeled free," Pinkie explained. "They looked so fancy that I got one for all of us!"

"Okay, but what about Sam and Max?" Twilight said. "We need to fix Sybil's goggles so that Sam can gain access to this Reality 2.0!"

"YOUR GOGGLES EXPLODE! GAME OVER!" Bluster Blaster exclaimed.

"Likelihood of broken rear-slot downstream signal frammistat regurgitator: 99.6%," Curt said. "Dispense replacement chip."

Chippy wasn't too happy with that and beeped an aggressive responsive.

"You watch your language, mister!" Fluttershy chastised.

"Stop complaining and just do it."

And so, that's what Chippy did. He dispensed a new chip for Sybil's goggles. Sam took the chip and put it into his pocket.

"I want to play, too!" Max complained.

"I doubt they have a pair that will fit around your hideously oversized skull, Max," Sam said.

"The whole family can enjoy Reality 2.0!" Bob said as Bluster Blaster revealed a pair of goggles for Max in his coin slot. "Take our complimentary wide-fit goggles designed for playing while bicycling or enjoying full-contact sports!"

"Safety first," Curt added as Max grabbed the goggles.

"Well, thanks... I guess," Twilight said.

And with that, they all left the building and headed back into Sybil's place.

Once they were inside, Sam slotted the chip into Sybil's goggles. It was a perfect fit.

"Awesome! Hey, let's try this so-called Reality 2.0 now! I want to see it for myself!" Rainbow said excitedly.

"It's a good thing Sam's protective hat, my non-compatible brain, and the magic you girls possess render us impervious to hypnotism," Max said.

"All right, enough chit-chat. Let's do this!" Twilight exclaimed as she put on her VR goggles over her glasses.

Everyone else put on their goggles and entered Reality 2.0. They were all surprised to see that Reality 2.0 was just a virutal version of their own world.

"Whoa! I'm really tripping out right now!" Pinkie exclaimed.

"Pinkie, when are you not tripping out?" Sunset said. "You think about candy every day! Your mind is like one big acid trip!"

"I know!"

"You are impossible, sometimes."

Just then, a computer-like entity that looked like the WARP director appeared out of nowhere. It was the Internet.

"Welcome to Reality 2.0, the perfect place of perfect happiness," it greeted. "I'm your host: the Internet."

"What the hay? The Internet's become sentient!" Applejack gasped.

"Reality 2.0 is designed to be superior to ordinary reality in every way. Reality 2.0 simulates your world and links to cyberspace while providing a clever fusion of popular gameplay styles guaranteed to amuse the statistically average person. It's everything for everyone!"

"I understand this, but why the hypnotism?" Rarity asked.

"We are confident that you will be perfectly happy here and will never want to leave. Ever. Please be advised that this is a beta version of Reality 2.0, so some features and locations may be incomplete at this time."

"Figures," Sunset sighed.

"Enjoy your new reality."

And with that, the Internet left.

"Wait, come back!" Twilight pleaded.

But it was no use. The Internet was gone. At least, for now. They all knew that they had to stop it from hypnotizing everyone one way or another. And playing Reality 2.0 was the only way to do it.