Unwilling Reincarnation

As the tour continued, I’ve gone from confused and annoyed to just... numb. There’s only so much weirdness a guy can process before his brain checks out. Talking ponies, apples that taste like heaven on earth, and a cat who thinks he’s royalty—and is probably orbiting the earth by now.

I mean, it was pretty clear that I had no control over anything. So, I was going with the flow.

Scootaloo was still bouncing around, leading me on her never-ending tour of Ponyville. I’m just trying to survive without tripping over my own hooves again or getting ambushed by another spontaneous musical number.

“And over there’s the town hall!” Scootaloo says, waving a hoof at yet another pastel-colored building. “That’s where the mayor works! Oh, and right here...” She stops in front of what looks like a literal tree-house. And by tree-house, I mean a tree— that’s a house. Actually, wait—no, it’s a library.

I squint at the sign on the door. “Library’s closed, help wanted.”

Scootaloo snickers. “Yeah, the library’s always super boring. I mean, who wants to sit around reading books all day?”

I raise an eyebrow. “Some people like books.”

She makes a face. “Books are for eggheads. You’re way too cool to be stuck working in some boring old library.”

I cross my hooves. “Yeah, well, I’m also broke. If they’re hiring, I could do worse than a library. At least it’s quiet.” And maybe if I was lucky, the library would be my safe haven, a place without... any of this.

Scootaloo looks at me like I just suggested moving to Mars. “Seriously? You’re thinking about working here?”

I shrug. “Why not? I’m new here, and money wouldn’t hurt.” And the bonus I might not have to interact with others was… just the sweet extra.

She shakes her head like she can’t believe it. “Jax, you fought off monsters! You’re, like, way too awesome to be a librarian.”

“I am?” I mutter, glancing back at the library’s help wanted sign. Honestly, the idea of spending my time in a quiet building full of books doesn’t sound half bad. It seemed like an easy paycheck.

Scootaloo tugs at my leg, trying to pull me away. “Come on! You don’t want to waste your time here. Let’s go talk to the mayor—maybe she has something cool for you to do.”

I roll my eyes but let her lead me back toward town hall. “Cool, huh? Like what, exactly?”

Scootaloo grins. “I dunno yet, but I’m sure it’ll be better than that.”

[New Quest!

Title: "A New Path in Strange Lands"

Objective: Find a job in this unfamiliar land!

Description:
You have arrived in a strange and unfamiliar land. And in order to survive and thrive, you must secure a job and earn money. Seek out potential employers, impress them with your skills, and carve out a new life!

Reward: One Gachapon Roll, 2 used socks, a stick, and the crafting system.]

No! You don’t get the credit for my initiative you lazy ass God!

A few minutes later, we’re standing in Mayor Mare’s office. It’s about as fancy and organized as you’d expect—lots of papers, plaques on the wall, and the mayor herself, sitting behind her desk, looking very much in charge. She’s got glasses perched on her nose and a white mane that looks like it’s been styled with a ruler.

“Welcome!” Mayor Mare says, standing up as we walk in. “How can I help you today?”

She has a name-tag… and it says, Mayor Mare… it can’t be right? Her name can’t be that uninspired.

I blink at her, then glance at Scootaloo, then back at her name-tag. “Wait... your name is actually Mayor Mare? As in, Mayor and... Mare?”

Mayor Mare smiles, completely unfazed. “That’s correct.”

I rub my forehead. “So... you’re the mayor, and your name just happens to be Mayor?”

“That’s right!” she says brightly, not picking up on my sarcasm.

I stare at her, trying to process this. “Wow. That’s... incredibly convenient.”

Scootaloo giggles, clearly enjoying the confusion on my face. “Yeah, it’s kind of funny when you think about it.”

I cross my hooves, raising an eyebrow. “What happens if you get replaced? Does the next one change their name to ‘Mayor Mare,’ too? Is it a title or a name? Or do you just... morph into the next mayor?”

Mayor Mare chuckles softly. “No, no. It’s simply my name. And as long as I’m serving Ponyville, I’ll continue being Mayor Mare.”

I sigh. “I give up.”

Before I can dig any further into this extremely convenient name situation, Scootaloo jumps in. “This is Jax! He’s new in Ponyville, and he’s looking for a job!”

I nod, still a little hung up on the whole mayor-name thing. “Yeah, I saw the sign at the library. Thought I’d ask about the position. You know, filing books, helping ponies find what they’re reading...nothing like nurturing the next generation of readers-”

But before I can finish, Scootaloo wrinkles her nose in disgust. “But Jax is way too cool for some dusty old library! He’s a warrior! He fought, like, twenty monsters in the Everfree Forest! He took them all down in one hit!”

I blink, staring at Scootaloo. Wait. What?

She’s just getting started. “He’s super strong! He beat these giant timberwolves like they were nothing! If you are going to give him a job, it should be something cool like him, like a super soldier or secret agent!”

I blink again, slowly turning to Mayor Mare. Oh well, I shouldn’t worry too much, there’s no way she’s gonna take the word of an excitable kid as an acceptable work reference, right?

Mayor Mare looks at me, her eyes wide, clearly impressed. “Is that true?”

Oh, come on! Can one thing be logical around here?!

I open my mouth to respond, but Scootaloo’s already nodding like crazy. “Yep! He’s, like, the toughest pony ever! You can’t waste his talent on… ugh, books. He should be out there keeping everypony safe!”

I stare at Scootaloo. “She’s just an excitable kid.”

“And humble, oh my… Well,” Mayor Mare says, adjusting her glasses, “Now that I think about it, Ponyville hasn’t had a proper sheriff in quite some time. It’s usually a peaceful town, but with the Everfree Forest nearby... it might be a good idea to have somepony around to watch over things.”

There’s no way this is happening.

I blink again, trying to figure out how this situation escalated so quickly. “Wait a second,” I say, holding up a hoof. “I’m not sure where this is going, but I feel obligated to state I am not trained for a law-enforcement job, I am very underqualified for that…”

Scootaloo bounces on her hooves, grinning. “Come on, Jax! Don’t be modest! You’d make an awesome sheriff! You’re strong, you’re cool, and you already fought monsters!”

I rub my face with my hoof.

Mayor Mare claps her hooves together, already looking pleased with the outcome. “Wonderful! I’ll have the paperwork drawn up, and you can start as soon as possible. Welcome to the team, Sheriff Jax!”

I stare at her in disbelief. “I didn’t... What?”

Scootaloo grins up at me, her eyes sparkling with excitement. “See? Told you it’d be better than the library!”

I rub my temple, feeling a headache coming on. This is a nightmare. This world, these ponies, they… are my personal hell.

[Quest Completed!

Title: "A New Path in Strange Lands"

Objective: Find a job in this unfamiliar land!

Description:
You have arrived in a strange and unfamiliar land. And in order to survive and thrive, you must secure a job and earn money. Seek out potential employers, impress them with your skills, and carve out a new life!

Reward: One Gachapon Roll, 2 used socks, a stick, and the crafting system.]

I don’t know what happened…

I’m standing in front of what is now, apparently, my house. A house. An entire house. In the middle of town. And the keys are in my hoof. I’m holding the keys to my new house with the other hoof clutching a bag of coins—bits they called them. I think I’m still processing how the past ten minutes escalated from me eating an apple to being declared the sheriff of Ponyville. Not sure what I’m supposed to do with this, but here we are.

“Thanks for accepting the position, Sheriff Jax!” Mayor Mare had said, handing me the bag of bits like it was all perfectly normal. “And of course, your uniform!”

The uniform… she mentioned? A pair of sunglasses and a shiny gold sheriff’s star. That’s it. No badge, no actual clothes—just these sunglasses and a star. Honestly, the shades are kind of cool, and I might use them whenever I have to fight whatever this town’s idea of crime is.

I glance over at Scootaloo, who’s already charging into my new house, like she owns the place. “Hey, Sheriff!” she calls out, disappearing inside. “This house is awesome! You’ve got, like, so much space!”

“Yeah, that’s great,” I mumble, still standing in the doorway.

I take a breath and follow Scootaloo inside. It’s... surprisingly decent. Simple, clean, not too many overly bright colors. I could get used to this. There's even a couch. A couch! I haven’t sat on a proper sitting place since I arrived here, and while I have only been here for a few hours, I already missed my couch.

Scootaloo is already bouncing around the place like a hyperactive ball of energy. “You’ve got a kitchen, too! And a bed! Ooh, and a fireplace! This place is great!”

I stare at her for a second before something clicks in my head. “Hey, speaking of which, don’t your parents, I dunno... care that you’re hanging out with some stranger? I mean, I could be a serial killer for all they know.”

Scootaloo just laughs like I’m the funniest thing she’s ever heard. “You’re not a stranger, silly! You’re the sheriff! That makes you the safest pony in all of Ponyville to be around!”

I blink. “I… hmmm.” I rub my face with a hoof, muttering to myself, “Does no one in this world have a sense of self-preservation?”

Scootaloo is too busy exploring the house to notice my existential crisis. She pops her head out of one of the rooms. “I told you I would find you an awesome job! And I did! You’re a sheriff now, you’ve got your own house... you’re set! That’s the Scootaloo guarantee for ya!”

I look around at the surprisingly cozy living room. She’s not wrong. I mean, sure, this is all beyond weird, and I still don’t understand how this world works, but hey—I’ve got a job, a house, and a sack of bits. Maybe being stuck here isn’t the worst thing in the world. Pony or not, things are kind of looking up.

“Yeah,” I say, chuckling to myself. “I guess things aren’t so bad after all, and you did help out a lot kiddo. I’ve got money, I’ve got a place to stay, and I get to wear sunglasses at all times. Could be worse, right?”

Just as I start to lean back into my new couch, feeling pretty good about my situation, everything goes dark.

Literally.

As someone puts a bag over my head.

“WHAT THE—?!” I scream in a... totally manly, not-at-all-terrified way. Definitely not a high-pitched squeal or anything like that.

I thrash around for a second, my heart racing, trying to figure out what’s happening. Am I being kidnapped? Is this how I die? Again?

And just as suddenly as the bag was thrown over me, it’s ripped off. I blink, my vision adjusting, and find myself surrounded by a bunch of ponies—cheerful, smiling ponies. I’m in a park, and there’s a big banner that says “WELCOME TO PONYVILLE, SHERIFF JAX!”

I’m frozen in place, my brain still catching up to the fact that I’m not, in fact, about to be murdered.

“SURPRISE!!!” they all scream in unison, balloons popping up out of nowhere, streamers flying everywhere. And standing in front of me, grinning like she’s the happiest pony alive, is that pink demon from earlier. Pinkie Pie.

“Right… the party,” I groan, rubbing my face.

Pinkie Pie bounces forward, giggling. “Did we surprise you?! Huh? Huh?! I told you I’d find you if you missed my party!”

Before I can respond, she suddenly leans in close—way too close—whispering in my ear in a dark, almost creepy tone, “I told you I’d find you… don’t try that again.”

I freeze, my whole body tensing up as her words sink in. “Creepy…”

Then, just like that, her grin returns to full force, and she bounces away, shouting, “Time to party!!!”

The crowd of ponies erupts into cheers as music starts playing, balloons start floating around, and Pinkie zooms off to do who-knows-what. I just stand there, blinking, still trying to comprehend what just happened.

Scootaloo, who apparently had no problem teleporting herself here in record time, shows up at my side, grinning like she’s having the time of her life. “Pretty cool party, huh?”

I stare at her, still recovering from the near-heart attack. “Yeah, great. Could do without the kidnapping, but cool party nevertheless, I suppose.”

She shrugs. “That’s just Pinkie Pie. She’s, like, the queen of parties. Nopony throws a party like her!”

“Yeah, well, remind me to never miss one of her parties again,” I mutter, glancing over at Pinkie, who’s now balancing a tray of cupcakes on her head while somehow tying balloons to the trees. This place just gets weirder by the minute.

A pony I don’t recognize walks up and offers me a cupcake. I take it, because… well, food. I don’t say no to food, no matter the source. Might as well enjoy the sugar rush.

As I bite into the cupcake, I look around the park, wondering If I would ever get used to this crazy place.

Sighing, I look down at the cupcake in my hoof. “Well, at least the food’s good.”