The room was filled with an oppressive darkness, so thick that I couldn’t see my own hooves, even if I held them right in front of my face. It was as though the darkness wanted to consume me, seizing every corner, every fiber of my being with its cold, invisible claws. The musty smell of old, rotting wood mixed with the sharp stench of various chemicals that had been stored here for far too long. This place, the basement of the library, was the only place I could still hide. Away from the ponies. Away from Pinkie Pie. Especially away from Pinkie Pie.

My breath came shallow and fast as I crouched on the cold, hard floor, my legs pulled tightly against my body. The wooden floor beneath me creaked softly with the slightest movement, and I could feel the icy chill seeping through my coat.

“What... what just happened?” My voice sounded hollow, trembling, and almost vanished into the overwhelming darkness around me. I whispered the words, as if afraid the darkness might respond.

My body trembled uncontrollably as the horrific image flashed before my eyes again. Pinkie, drenched in blood, her eyes wide with pain, as my hooves pressed a knife to her throat. I felt nausea rising, an unbearable wave of disgust and guilt washing over me. Gagging, I doubled over, and everything I had eaten in the past few days spilled onto the floor. I vomited and vomited until my body was wracked with dry heaves.

The sour smell lingered in the air, and I felt the bitter liquid drip from my lips as I collapsed, exhausted. My legs shook uncontrollably. Every breath hurt.

Why... why had those thoughts felt so real? For a brief moment, a split second, I had wanted it. I had wanted Pinkie... I couldn’t even finish the thought. I didn’t want that. I couldn’t even bear thinking about it.

Salty tears streamed down my cheeks, dripping from my muzzle onto the floor, mingling with the mess I had made. My chest tightened painfully as I gasped for air. What’s happening to me? “It’s all her fault!” I screamed into the darkness. I didn’t even know who I was blaming at that point.

“Whose fault?” answered a soft, melodic voice. My eyes widened as I looked up, staring into the familiar face of Princess Celestia. The darkness swallowed everything around her, but she remained like a sinister beacon. She took a step closer, the soft click of her hooves echoing menacingly in the silent library.

“Twilight, Twilight...” Her voice carried an icy edge as she shook her head slowly, approaching me. “What have you become?” Her eyes locked onto mine with an intensity that made me shiver, as though her mere presence made the darkness around me even denser. She leaned down, her face far too close to mine, much too close. “You sit here alone, surrounded by darkness, consumed by hatred and fear.” She wore an expression I knew all too well from my childhood: disapproval.

“This is all that’s left of you,” she said, her voice growing deeper, colder, like the cracking of ice. “An empty shell. Hiding like a scared animal in the dark?”

I could feel the warmth radiating from her, licking like fire over my coat. “It’s not my fault! My friends... those ponies, they’re watching me, controlling me!” My voice rose, desperate. “They take away my freedom, keep me away from you!”

Celestia straightened to her full height, towering over me. Her figure filled the room, and I felt small, pathetic, like a lost foal. Had she always been this much larger than me?

“Is that really what you believe?” Her eyes gleamed with mockery. “That those ponies are the reason I sent you away?” She snorted disdainfully and spread her wings. “No, Twilight. I sent you away because you’ve served your purpose. Because you are a disappointment who wasted my time.” Every word was like a stab to my heart.

“Those ponies,” she spat the word, “are only trying to care for you because they pity you. Because they see what you refuse to: that you’re a wreck, Twilight.”

She raised a hoof, pointing at me in disgust. “Look at yourself.” Her voice dripped with contempt. “Matted fur, bloodshot eyes, a mane like a wild animal, and your legs...” Her gaze lingered on the thin scars that marked my limbs before she shook her head in scorn. “Scarred. Broken. And now here you are, curled up in your own filth.”

She wrinkled her nose in disgust, stepping back as though the sight of me was too repulsive for her to bear. “And how do you repay them?” Her eyes narrowed to slits, her words laced with undisguised contempt. “Those ponies have done everything to take care of you, to help you, while you wallow in self-pity, scream at them, and now, you even have murder fantasies.”

“No...” I replied, my voice weak but defiant. “Don’t lie to me.” I shook my head, avoiding her gaze that felt like fire on my skin. “Those ponies don’t care about me. They... they want to control me. They’re the problem, not me. Don’t tell me stories.”

“Stories?” Celestia laughed coldly, her voice echoing through the darkness. “I’m only telling you what you already know.” She stomped her hoof, and the sound reverberated like a thunderclap in my ears. “Stop acting like a victim, Twilight, when you’re the one at fault in all of this.”

I felt my stomach twist as she continued. “Three of your friends came to your home yesterday because they were worried about you.” She paused, her eyes glowing with disdain. “And what did you do? You pushed them away. You accused them. You threatened them.” Her voice was sharp, like a knife cutting through me. She stepped closer.

“And still,” she continued, “today they came back. To throw you a party. To help you. And how did you thank them? With anger. With contempt. It’s a pattern, Twilight. Over and over again.” She laughed coldly, bitterly. “Wouldn’t it be convenient to forget all of this, wouldn’t it? You think they’re the problem? No, Twilight, you are.”

“Please, stop,” I begged, pressing my hooves to my ears as though I could block out her voice. But it didn’t help.

“You were never worthy of being my student,” she went on, her voice filled with barely concealed disappointment. “And deep down, you’ve always known that best. You knew you were never good enough.” Her gaze bored into me, and I felt smaller than ever before.

“All the time, all the effort I put into you,” her voice swelled with disdainful mockery. “I gave you every advantage imaginable, more than any pony could ever expect, and look where you’ve ended up.” The coldness in her eyes froze my heart. The room turned icy, and I felt the blood freeze in my veins.

“You’re still that little, weak filly from back then,” her voice rumbled in the darkness, “who can’t even pass the simplest test without outside help. A failure who was never worth my time. At least now you’re wasting other ponies’ time instead.”

I curled up, her words like heavy stones weighing me down, pressing me deeper into the floor. It was as though all the hope I had ever placed in Celestia crumbled. Her rejection was unbearable. My anger boiled over, and in a moment of complete helplessness, my horn flared. With a wild spark of magic, I unleashed a jet of fire straight at Celestia.

The fire struck a table in the basement, setting it ablaze. My heart pounded in my chest, my breath came in gasps as the flames spread, as if they were fueled by my own fears. The silence that had been filled with Celestia’s harsh words was now consumed by the crackling of the flames. And Celestia... she was gone. As if she had never existed.

I stood frozen, unable to move, as the fire spread, engulfing the table and creeping into the surroundings. I stared in shock at the growing blaze. “No…” I whispered. “This is all my fault.”

Suddenly, a chilling clarity washed over me like a cold wave. All the doubts, the fears, the pain—they vanished. What I needed to do was clearer than ever before. I had become a burden to everypony. Even Spike was now afraid of me. The truth was obvious. I had lost control of my life, and there was only one way to regain it, only one way to rid myself of this endless burden.

With my magic, I reached for an amputation knife that lay on one of the tables for lab equipment. The cold blade gleamed in the flickering light of the fire as I pressed it against my chest. My breathing slowed, steadied. “One last breath…” I whispered. I felt the blade lightly pierce my skin, a sharp pain shooting through me, but it felt almost relieving. Soon, it would all be over.

“Twilight!” Spike’s panicked voice ripped me from my trance. I heard his hurried footsteps as he rushed toward me, and then he was there, his small claws grabbing at the knife suspended in my magic.

“No!” he cried, tears streaming down his face. “Twilight, don’t!”

I stared at him with confused eyes. Didn’t he want this? Didn’t he see that this was the best thing for everyone? “Spike,” I said calmly, my voice so controlled that it felt foreign to me. “Why are you making such a fuss? Can’t you see I’m busy?”

My words were meant to be reassuring, but Spike didn’t seem to care. He cried, wiping his tears away in desperation. “Twilight, what are you talking about?” His voice trembled, every word a struggle. “Everypony is worried about you! Your friends... they’re just trying to cheer you up, they just want you to feel better.”

I stared at Spike with bewildered eyes. “Do they really?” I whispered. My voice was calm, controlled, but deep inside, something churned. “Spike, don’t you see? This is what’s best for everyone. I’m only causing problems. Those ponies are not my friends.”

He shook his head violently, tears flowing uncontrollably down his cheeks as he tried to loosen my magical grip on the knife. “Twilight, please!” His voice cracked with sobs. “What are you talking about? You... you’re not a burden! We... we love you! Your friends are so worried about you because they want you to be happy! They want to help you, they want...” He gasped for breath, wiping his eyes desperately. “They just want you to be happy!”

“Happy?” A bitter laugh escaped my lips, hollow and cold. The knife trembled in the air, my magic wavering as my thoughts burned like fire through all the memories. “But I’m not happy, Spike... and I’m tired of pretending to be.” The mask fell, and I felt the tears flow uncontrollably down my cheeks. “Celestia... Celestia doesn’t want me anymore. Maybe she never did, maybe I was just a tool to get her sister back. And my ‘friends’ here in Ponyville...” I shook my head, anger and despair mixing into an unbearable knot inside me. “They’re no different. They want to control me, to keep me here. Nopony loves me, Spike.”

“Twilight, please, stop this!” Spike didn’t let go, his small claws clinging desperately to the knife in my magic as if he could prevent it from hurting me with sheer force. “I don’t know what’s wrong with you,” he said, his voice full of panic and tears. “But you’re talking nonsense! Celestia cares about you, she sent you here because she thought you’d be happier!”

His body shook violently as he pleaded with me to release the knife. “And... I love you, Twilight. Doesn’t that mean anything?”

I smiled at Spike. I wanted my smile to be comforting, but his hesitant step back and the expression in his eyes told me I had failed. “You say Celestia loves me?” My voice was soft, but inside, my thoughts were storming.

“Yes, Twilight,” Spike replied, his voice pleading.

For a moment, I closed my eyes and went through my memories. The moments with Celestia, when I was her student. The warmth, the safety. Of course she loved me. Why else would she have taught me, nurtured me, protected me all those years? But then... what had just happened? A vision... a distorted voice... hadn’t I just spoken to another pony about Celestia? Or had I imagined it? I don’t remember anymore. Strange.

And yet, there was this unease that wouldn’t go away. This self-doubt... it hadn’t come from me. No, it had crept in. Slowly. Quietly. My eyes flew open as I remembered the party. The party. After that, my thoughts had twisted into something unrecognizable. The confusion, the fear, the doubt - it had all begun then. The laughter, the decorations, the balloons. All meant to suffocate me, to distract me from who I really was, from what I was meant to do. They were behind this. Those ponies - they had wormed their way into my life, pretending to care, but all they wanted was to keep me weak.

A bitter laugh escaped my lips. “Spike… you don’t understand. They did this to me. They made me doubt Celestia. They made me doubt myself.”

“What?” Spike’s voice trembled. “Twilight, no, that’s not true! Your friends just want to help you...”

“Help me?” I cut him off, my voice sharp. “Help me stay trapped here, you mean! They don’t want me to be strong. They don’t want me to return to Canterlot, to be Celestia’s student again.”

Spike’s eyes widened in shock, his claws still gripping the knife tightly. “That’s not true! You’re confused, Twilight...”

“Confused?” I echoed, my voice rising. “I was confused, Spike, but not anymore. I see it now. It’s been there all along, waiting for me to notice. They’ve been keeping me here, away from Celestia, away from my purpose.” My mind raced as the pieces finally began to fall into place. “Don’t you see, Spike? They don’t want me to go back. They don’t want me to be who I really am. They want me to stay broken, so they can control me.”

Spike shook his head violently, his tears flowing uncontrollably. “Twilight, please! That’s not true! They’re your friends! They care about you! You’ve just been... going through something.”

I stared at him, my heart aching at the sight of his tear-streaked face, but I couldn’t stop the thoughts that had already taken root. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense. It was clear now. This wasn’t about me, not anymore. It was about power. They were trying to control me, just like Celestia had said. My friends, my so-called friends - they were the real problem.

“They’re not my friends, Spike,” I whispered, my voice growing colder. “They’ve never been my friends.”

“No!” Spike cried, his voice cracking with desperation. “That’s not true! Twilight, listen to me...”

But I couldn’t hear him anymore. The storm inside me had reached its peak, drowning out everything else. My heart pounded in my chest as the realization settled, icy and certain. “They’re the reason I’ve lost everything. They’re the reason I’m stuck here.”

I gripped the knife with my magic, lifting it higher. “And now, they’re going to pay for it.”

Author's Note

Yes, I know that was quick, but I'm trying to finish the whole thing in October to hopefully have a reading on YouTube before Halloween. I hope that despite rushing through the whole thing I manage to write it well.

I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

And yes, the next chapter will be the bloody GrimDark chapter you've all been waiting for anyway.