Chapter V: Fragility

My hair falls against my face and the pillow as I let myself hit the bed. Sunset giggles, brushing my hair away. In just as quick of a motion, she wraps her lips around my own. Both of us can’t help but laugh between our kisses. Even though we need to get to sleep at some point tonight, she still seems full of energy. She also intends to use all of it on me specifically. I don’t hate the attention though. If anything, I have craved attention my whole life. But when it comes from her, it feels special.

“I love you so much,” Sunset whispers, a smile still present on her lips. She starts to slow down our kisses, but her body still tells me she is enjoying this closeness with me. I don’t blame her. The scent of her hair reminds me of nights past. Nights of desire and times where I felt safe. In a way, it also brings back memories of the nights I did not have her in my arms. Nights I never want to repeat. Unfortunately, the momentum begins to slow down between our lips. Her hand gently holds my shoulder before she finally breaks out contact, her eyes opening to stare at my own. Her look is full of love, warming my body.

“What?” I ask quietly. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“I’m just… thinking,” she murmurs softly. “I don’t deserve your support. You’ve always been there for me, regardless how busy I am.” I can’t help but raise my eyebrow at her statement. Is she misremembering? She has been here for me more often. Right?

“You’re mistaken,” I gently remind her, pushing myself up to be at her eye level. “You’ve supported me through equally as much if not more. It’s hard for me to remember how I’ve paid back that kindness.”

“It’s unlike you to be so modest,” she teases me, her hand brushing my damp hair away from my eye. “What? Do you want to be reminded of your good deeds?” she asks me in the same joking tone. Sitting down on the bed in front of me, Sunset never breaks eye contact with me, but she is clearly thinking of the right thing to say. “Well, firstly, you’ve always supported my educational pursuits. I’m about to get my master’s degree and finally get a job as a therapist. It has taken up a lot of our time and caused it to be hard to be intimate at times, but you never complained. Instead, you did everything you could to help me. You even got me a motorcycle so I wouldn’t have to stand around waiting for the bus all day.”

“Okay, fine. But that’s not exactly equal to everything you’ve done for me,” I reply with a roll of my hand, trying to emphasize the disparity. “You helped me learn true happiness after all. And you gave me the best gifts I have ever received,” I tease her while connecting our lips again. Sunset giggles slightly to herself.

“Yeah, but you were the one who went out of your way to buy a dance pad for a game we could play together just because you remembered I liked it.” Her finger pokes my shoulder, making both of us laugh. “Did you also forget you gave me some pretty great gifts too?” she asks before leaning towards her purse, pulling out a gold bracelet with a red gemstone of a sun with a purple musical note. That was an anniversary gift I commissioned a few years ago. To be honest, I’m surprised she risked bringing it on a trip like this where it could get lost. “Not to mention you bought me the latest Playstation because my last console broke.” That was before we even moved into our house. Back when we were in an apartment together. I’m surprised she would bring that up since it is relatively small considering everything else we’ve been through together.

“Playing games is one of your hobbies. What was I supposed to do? Watch the love of my life drown in her own stress?” I ask while rolling my eyes, making Sunset push me slightly.

“But that’s the thing. You didn’t have to. It wasn’t my birthday or the holidays. You did it simply out of care for me.” The way she talks is evident that this is sure to turn into another war of ours where we try to convince each other why one of us loves the other more. Still… It isn’t necessarily a bad feeling. It’s nice to hear how much she loves me. And she is right deep down. Both of us would give the world for each other.

“You’re the same person who was willing to risk everything to help me buy the music studio. All because I have faith that it can be a success,” I whisper in response. The soft orange light from the lamp beside me illuminates her eyes while also being dark enough to make us feel alone. The way she looks in my eyes is pitiful as if I am poorly mistaken, her fingers trailing down my cheek.

“That’s because I know that you will be a success.” Her words are soft. Tender. Touching my soul effortlessly. From the slight blush on her face, it’s apparent that even she wasn’t prepared to speak that honestly. Her words came straight from the heart without a hint of deception anywhere to be found. “You’re destined for great things, Adagio. I see it every day in the way you smile. The way you flaunt your style. As much as you tease, you have a big heart.” A singular tear slides down her cheek despite the happy expression on her face. However, her smile seems slightly off as she pulls me closer, her eyes still connected with mine. “You can do great things. I just… don’t want the opportunity to be taken from you.”

“What are you trying to say?” I ask her, feeling her hand tremble slightly. I probably already know the answer though…

“You know what I mean,” Sunset tells me quietly, her tone brutally honest. Her hand trails down to my chest as if feeling for my heartbeat. “I don’t know what I would do. Without you… You’ve become the biggest part of my life. I… I don’t want this to be our last adventure together.” Her eyes look back up at mine, every semblance of glee erased. Now, there’s just a curious and scared stare.

“This won’t be our last adventure,” I try to reassure her, shaking my head. “I told you. Stop worrying about me. I will be fine. It’s only been two days on this cruise. I’m not going anywhere.”

“It’s not that simple. I can’t just stop worrying completely like it’s some mental switch.”

“It’d be easier if you could just trust me when I say I will be okay,” I respond in a slightly annoyed tone. Sunset withdraws her hand, seemingly confused.

“You’re the one who is making this difficult. I don’t think I’m being unreasonable in worrying that-”

“That what? That I’ll just roll over and die like that? I’ve been alive for thousands of years. Out of everything, this sure as hell won’t be the end of me.” I turn away from her with a sigh, feeling myself get angrier. I just don’t want her to treat me like I’m some fragile toy. I can handle more than this.

“Obviously not,” Sunset answers in a huff, standing up from the bed. “I’m just scared, okay? I’m scared since I don’t know what will happen. Something else might come to haunt us and that is the last thing I need.”

“Yeah, but I am still okay now. Right here. Right now. All I want is for us to just try and forget about it until we can get home. The last thing I desire is to be treated like some sick dog. I’ll be okay, god damn it,” I let out in an angry breath, turning my gaze back towards her. I immediately stop gritting my teeth when I see her offended expression. “I’m… I’m sorry. I just… I don’t want to be defined by this. I know you can’t stop worrying, but it makes all our memories feel like I am actively being defined by this diagnosis.” Sighing to myself, I shake my head, looking towards the floor. At this point, Sunset has also turned her gaze from me.

“I’m sorry I make you feel like that,” she barely responds in a neutral tone, seemingly still processing my words. To be fair, I still need to think about what we just said… Standing up from the bed, I grab my shoes, causing her to look back at me. “What are you doing?”

“I need some fresh air. Gather my thoughts.” Taking a deep breath, I look back at her, seeing an understanding nod.

“Fine. Can we talk when you get back?” she asks in the same neutral tone, but I can tell she is conflicted. I am too. I’m not quite sure how to feel.

“Of course.”

The moon’s pale light gives a soft white color to the sand. The waves are calm, but it almost seems like a certain energy is being held back. As if a storm is coming. Even if it does, I should be back in my room by that time… Walking through the water, it occasionally reaches just below my knees. Funnily enough, the air is colder than the waves. Maybe that’s simply because of my rumination. After all, it is difficult to not ponder what Sunset is thinking right now. She’s likely angry. Upset. Sad. But I know she will try to make it right due to her promise to enjoy this trip to the fullest. As if she is the one that needs to apologize…

I was too hard on her anyway…

“Hey, Dagi,” Dash’s voice comes from behind me, splashing water alerting me to her presence. “When are you coming back? I know the beach is nice and all, but it is getting pretty late. Unless you want to sleep out here,” she laughs, joking as she usually does. However, I don’t turn to face her. I can’t help but shrug, wishing she wouldn’t have come out here. I need some time for my thoughts after all.

“Maybe in twenty minutes,” I reply quietly, wading through the water on the coast. From the sound, I can tell Dash is following me.

“You look down,” she comments with a neutral tone. Even though she’s following after me, I don’t feel like telling her the specific reason why I’m out here. “Is it because of your fight with Sunset?” I guess she found out from my wife… “Come on. I’m sure that she didn’t mean what she said. She was in the wrong anyway. Let’s go back.”

“I wouldn’t exactly say that,” I reply, sighing to myself. “She was just… scared. You don’t need to know why, but that wouldn’t mean she’s in the wrong.”

“Sure it does,” Dash replies with an attitude that says she knows better. “Being scared is one thing, but being overprotective is another entirely! I know what it is like with my parents. I wouldn’t be able to stand it if my partner did the same thing.” I can hear Dash’s fist hit her other hand from the iconic slap, displaying her own frustration. “I would be pissed too. She’s not letting you live. And it’s not like she has something to protect you from.” She would be surprised…

“She’s just looking out for me,” I reply with a shake of my head. Even if I am angry at Sunset, I shouldn’t air those grievances out with Dash. Sunset is my wife. We respect each other enough to handle our matters privately.

“Yeah, but she can’t exactly protect you from cancer. It is something inside after all…” She knows…? Wait… Why would Sunset… I said I didn’t want to tell them. “Something even you can’t control. It’s sad because I thought siren magic was pretty powerful.”

It is… It should be. I just… I can’t seem to find the right spell. I never had my health compromised like this before. Nothing has come close to killing me. As it stands, I can use a vast array of spells to destroy, transform, teleport, but… I don’t remember the healing spells. Or at least one that can help me here…

“It’s pathetic. You should have told us,” Dash scolds me as if I’m some pet.

“What do you know, Dash? All you can do is go fast. You don’t have to search millennia of memories to find a spell you never used,” I snarl at her, refusing to look at her. As if she has knowledge of magic that rivals my own. She only uses it to make herself look better.

“She’s got a point though,” Twilight states, making my shoulders tense up. “You should have told us. I could have helped. Sunset knows a lot about magic, but I still could offer my own expertise.”

“That’s easy for you to say, Twi,” I mention while rolling my eyes. “This is the exact reason I fought with Sunset. I didn’t want to be treated like I’m some sick dog. I’m the most powerful siren alive. I can handle this.”

“And what if you’re wrong?” Applejack asks in a harsh tone. “Ya already see how bad I am with handling my grief. Imagine how much worse it would be if Granny refused to accept any help at the end, working herself to death. Your ego is gonna make it worse.”

“Shut up, Applejack. No one asked for your opinion.” I will be fine. I will. My chest feels so tight.

“Why can’t you admit it, Adagio? For the first time, you’re afraid of dying,” Aria insults me with an annoyed tone. “We’ve been alive for thousands of years. It’s okay to say that you’ve never thought about it before. I would be scared too.”

“You don’t have to be an example. You can stop being so strong,” Sonata practically pleads with me. “We’re your friends. We can help.”

“Shut up. For once. Just stop. I don’t need help. I can do this. If anyone can do this, it’s me. I have avoided that so many times. This won’t stop me.” I wrap my arms around myself, shivering at just how cold it is. It feels like winter, yet the water is still a mild cool.

It’s almost ironic. Nothing in Equestria killed you, but the biggest threat is your own body now. A small laugh echoes, making me grind my teeth. My own voice taunts me. Maybe you were looking for a challenge. You have your magic back and all your friends. Life is good. But maybe you were bored… Maybe you wished for something challenging.

“Shut the fuck up,” I practically yell at all them, the sound of wading water almost deafening by now. “I don’t need this from you. I obviously didn’t wish for this.”

Ah, but didn’t you like it when Sunset and the Rainbooms provided some level of difficulty? Don’t say no… You found it too easy to control people. I can feel her breath on my neck, directly chuckling at me. Now, you don’t have Sunset to fight. Something to dominate. For all you know, you made this happen.

“I told you to-” reaching into my purse, I pull out my revolver, aiming it behind me. All of the sound caused by the water instantly stops. Where… Where is her taunting face? Where is everyone else? Wait…

Why were they here? Everyone else is back in Canterlot City aside from Dash. And that side of me… she’s gone. But she was just here. Wasn’t she? The shiny metal in my hand causes my heart to skip a beat. This gun… Why is it here? Why do I have it? Why would I even try to use it again? I threw it away… I…

My legs start to shake under me. Everything feels dizzy. My mind is… foggy. Everything starts to close in. I can feel my legs slip, but everything slows down while I fall. Nothing feels right. This isn’t right…

Author's Note

Hello, all.
So, around two weeks ago, I made a blog post describing how my dog was going to die. On January 7th, my dog passed away. Ever since then, I have been crying on and off and it has emotionally wrecked my heart. However, I am doing my best to move forward like I know he would have wanted me to. He was the best dog I could have ever asked for. Always loyal and happy, making sure I was okay until the very end. I had the idea for this chapter laid out before my dog passed, but only got around to writing it in the past couple of days. It was originally meant to be longer, but I hope you enjoy this update regardless.