And I Kept On Falling

The Friendship Festival was supposed to be my big break.

On paper, it was such a great idea. Organize an event that invites ponies from all over Equestria. Bring friends together. Have fun. Make memories. ~~Prove my worth as princess.~~ Give everypony a party worth remembering.

You screwed up in every way imaginable.

Don’t get me wrong - planning it and organizing it was fun. Stressful, yes, but a fun kind of stressful. That was my first time planning an event this massive since the Grand Equestria Summit years prior. I reveled in the planning. And, up until the day of the event itself, everything went perfectly.

But on the day of the Festival, everything went to Tartarus.

The kingdom? Subjugated by a foreign power. My fellow Princesses? Captured and at the villain’s mercy. My friends and I? Thousands of miles away from home with no backup, plan, or hope. We had no clue what we were going to do or how we were going to save our home - if such a thing was even possible.

Throughout the ‘journey’, I tried my level-best to remain focused. But you know, it’s kind of hard to do that when you think you’ve lost your home and there’s a bounty on your head and the ponies you love most aren’t taking this as seriously as you are and-

Sure, blame everypony but yourself.

Point being that I was so focused on the things that I was going through that I failed to notice that my friends were simply doing what they do best. What we do best.

Spreading friendship.

I tried so hard to justify what I was doing. The world outside our borders wasn’t Equestria. Our usual approach would not work. Six ponies and a dragon weren’t going to be enough to save everypony.

They were nothing but excuses. Excuses to hide just how guilty and ashamed I felt. Excuses to cover up my ability to protect my people.

Stealing the Pearl was a necessity, I told myself. Justified the act by convincing myself that I was doing what had to be done to save my people. Nevermind the fact that I nearly instigated a war with another nation.

“It’s all on me.”

Yeah, right. As if.

And what did I do when the girls rightfully called me out on it? I yelled back at them. Insulted them. Spat in their faces. Told them I was better off alone.

I threatened Pinkie with my horn.

I threatened to harm Pinkie Pie with my magic…

I was going to… to hurt her…

You were going to hurt her.

The face she made after is going to haunt me until the end of my days.

Of course, that was exactly the opening Tempest was waiting for. She was waiting for the inevitable to happen. She was watching, waiting for the moment where I’d screw up and let my guard down so she capture me.

“Aww, the ‘Princess of Friendship’. With no friends!”

And as I did with Stygian months before, I tried to reason with her. Tried to open her eyes and get her to see the light.

My attempts fell on deaf ears.

I couldn’t convince her to stand down. If anything, I’m pretty sure my attempts bolstered her confidence. After all, what right did I have to preach about the benefits of friendship when all I had done was hurt my friends?

My stress got the better of me. My failures got the better of me. Which means I kept on failing. Snapped at my friends. Let my guard down and got myself taken. Heck, I practically gave the Storm King his weapon on a silver platter! Should’ve gift-wrapped the magic, too, while I was at it.

One thing led to another, and before I knew it, we had lost. Our enemy got the power he so desired and promptly proceeded to destroy everything.

You don’t deserve your magic. You don’t deserve your friends.

It’s a miracle that girls were able to forgive me after the stunt I pulled. I haven’t forgiven myself.

Nor should you ever.

But it’s fine. It’s going to be fine. The girls forgave me. Queen Novo did, too. Tempest saw the light. The kingdom and my people are safe.

So why do I not feel better? Why do I have this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that something awful is going to happen again?

Because you’re a failure. You don’t get to relax. Not until you stop being one.

Breathe, Twilight. Breathe. Everything is going to be just fine.