Chapters Are you there? Can you hear me, child? I hear the strange voice say in my head…
“U-um, yeah? Who are you?” I say at a low volume, towards my ceiling in the dark of night, as I felt the soft mattress against my back and lay in my room…
My name is Lorath and I am a demon goddess… I see your life lacks purpose. Tell me child, do you need direction?
I frown as that almost seemed like an accusation? “What do you mean?”
The voice chuckles, I mean you don’t appear to have much reason to exist, do you not? You went to work today, came home, ate dinner, got stoned, and went to bed, isn’t that right?
“Well, why not? There’s no reason to be awake anymore… I went to work and burned a joint… My day is done!”
Yes, and you also seem to be in pieces, isn’t that right?
I blink, “What do you mean? And just where did you come from, anyway? How do you know about me?”
I mean your mind, child! You seem to be fractured?
“That didn’t answer my question! What do you know about my mind?”
I know a lot more than you realize and I also know that you can’t really remember so well past a certain point in your life, is that right?
“How do you know about my amnesia? Just who are you, Lorath?”
Why don’t we discuss this in person? Walk outside the room… I’m waiting for you here…
I keep my eyes wide while staring up at the ceiling…
I eventually flip off the bed with my wings, that soon come to my sides, as I step towards the door, in my dark room…
What sort of voice talks to me this way? What is waiting for me on the other side of that door?
I open the old wooden door to my left and stare out into the yard, surrounded by the other huts of my village underneath the dark night sky, and I beheld a strange alicorn 20 feet from my door!
In the pale moonlight and cool night air, she was midnight blue with a darker blue mane and tail, that seemed to ethereally leave her head and flanks into another dimension, while her eyes were simply piercing lavender sparks that stared deep into my soul…
Her lips never move… My name is Lorath, and I have an offer for you…
I gulp, “Y-yes?”
The wind begins to pick up and blow a few leaves to the left of the alicorn in my view… You’re mind is in pieces, child…
I furrow my brow and say to the alicorn, “What do you know about my mind?”
Her chin goes towards the ground, while her lavender eyes continue to bore into me from a distance… So many pieces are lost to you, isn’t that right? Segments of your life just missing in time?
I begin to frown with impatience, “What are you getting at, alicorn?”
I see the alicorn smile… If you agree to serve me, I can keep you together… You will never again have to resort to doing the things you were doing earlier tonight…
I frown, “What do you mean?”
Why, the drug use of course!
My eyes widen, “Wow! An alicorn is judging me!”
Her smile lowers…
Not judging, child! I’m commenting! I’m saying I will keep the pieces of your mind together for you…
“And I have to serve you?”
Yes! You will be my slave, true! But as long as you serve me, your mind can be kept together, and you will never want again… Do you agree?
I stammer to the side, “I uh, I’m not really… “
I understand it’s a big offer… You don’t have to decide right now! Just think my offer over, sweet Emily Cantor!
I will be back…
Suddenly, the alicorn is enveloped in a blinding flash of unreal blue light and I shield my eyes with my forehoof and keep my head to the side, before it stops shining…
I put my hoof down, and stare back at where the alicorn once stood, and see nothing there!
Did I imagine the whole thing?
Why did that feel so real?
“Hey, what are you doing out here tonight?” I suddenly hear a grizzled masculine voice say!
I stare to my left where it came from, and see a bearded old brown stallion there, with a burning filter cigarette in his mouth and a cheery grin on his face!
I breathe out, “Zeke! You scared the crap out of me!”
He giggles softly before taking the cigarette out, exhaling a cloud of smoke as he ashes with his hoof, and says, “Maybe, but that doesn’t answer my question. What are you doing out so late, young un?” and puts the cigarette back in his mouth for another drag…
I grin and giggle when I think about how I’m actually pretty close to middle-aged now, “Hey, not all of us are as old as you! You remember when Celestia first took her throne? Or how about back in the dinosaur days, with the cave ponies? Remember that Zeke?”
He giggles as he takes out his cigarette, breathes out smoke, and comments, “I love the way yer completely avoidin’ the whole question!”
I sigh, “I uh, I don’t know, okay? I um…” I breathe deeply in and out of my snout… “I thought I heard something?” before looking around. “I guess it was just my imagination playing tricks on me?”
Zeke grunts, and wheezes, before removing his cigarette and exhaling smoke, “Oh, the things you imagine often mean a lot more than you think! Of course, nothing beats the real world!”
I sigh and stare up at the sky to see all the stars twinkling down on me and making me feel insignificant, “It sure is beautiful tonight, isn’t it?”
I hear him exhaling another cloud, as he says, “Yup! Another reason I don’t mind coming outside fer my habit these days! It’s peaceful! Well, cept when it rains or snows! Then I just stand by a window!”
I smile, “Yeah! Well uh, “ and look back down at him, “you take it easy, alright?”
He removes his cigarette and nods, “I always do! And you don’t get too high now, y’hear?”
I giggle, “Well you know me” and turn to trot back to my hut…”
“Exactly why I’m telling ya not to go and smoke too much weed!”
<*****>
I wake up the next morning!
Time for wake n bake, and coffee! I think to myself as I get out of bed, and trot towards the kitchen area of my little hut…
I slap down some weed on the paper with my dark green wing, and use my hoof to arrange it in a neat line, before using my two hooves to roll it up from the bottom so it’s tight and seal with my tongue…
I close it up and put it in my mouth before taking it out to moisten and baptize it, and then put it into my snout, and grab my hoof lighter, to ignite in front of me, and inhale the flame to the end of the joint…
Lorath told me I wouldn’t need to get high anymore…
But that was fake, right? There is no Lorath, is there?
I feel the heat exit my lungs as I exhale smoke and remove the joint, and sputter and cough!
Why did she want me?
She said I was fractured…
She knows about my amnesia and she knows about all the parts of my mind I can’t reach anymore…
All the parts that don’t work anymore…
… She knows about how I’m broken…
I feel smoke exit my lungs as I use my hoof to ash the cigarette into a nearby glass ashtray I keep on a little table.
How does she know about me? I wonder to myself as I feel warmth going into my lungs again…
And how could she of all ponies, make me whole?
I exhale again, as I take a sip of the black coffee, in the white mug on the table before me, and ash in the ashtray…
I feel heat going into my body once more… How would she make me whole?
I need to finish up this joint and eat some toast on my way out the door…
I’ll buy lunch at the office, but I need to eat something now…
<*****>
I open the door to my hut, as I notice the sun going down on my left…
I stare at it and think, It was just a dream, right? I’m all alone here, yes?
I blink as I walk inside, and head to my kitchen area…
Time to figure out dinner, before a shower! Then, smoke time!
I take steps towards the table, where I see all sorts of fruits I got from the market earlier…
I smile while trotting… Red delicious apples it is!
<*****>
I put some more weed, onto a paper, and form it into a little line, parallel with the sticky portion, before rolling it that way, good and tight from the bottom, and then I lick the sticky portion of the paper, before rolling it up all the way to finish…
I lick it to baptize, before sticking the cigarette in my snout, and grab the red hoof lighter on the table, and igniting it in front of me…
Have you been thinking about my offer? I suddenly hear a dark voice say in my mind, as I taste the weed, and feel heat going down my esophagus…
I’m trying not to… I think to myself, as I feel the warmth in my now full lungs, that soon evacuates out of my mouth to fly all over the room as smoke…
I know you can hear me…
I exhale smoke, “Okay, maybe I can! Are you’re in the usual spot , right?” before bringing the joint to my mouth again…
Yes, and I see you’re getting high again…
I exhale a stream of vapor in front of me, “Okay, yeah! Kinda!” before bringing the joint to my mouth for another pull…
The voice chuckles… Have it your way, Emily… I’ll be waiting here, when you’re done…
<*****>
The far wall goes in and out of focus, as I stare at it…
I snuff the roach out in the ashtray with my hoof, and turn to think…
And now you’re intoxicated again, right?
I bark at the wall! “No! Maybe? Shut up!”
The voice giggles, Come outside so I can see you child… I wish to speak with you some more…
Why did Lorath have to show up during my evening blaze? Like, she couldn’t wait another hour? I think to myself as I trot towards the door on the right side of the room…
CLIP CLOP CLIP CLOP go my hooves on the floor…
You’ll be taken care of, dearest Emily… You’ll never want again…
Am I about to serve a dark alicorn goddess? I ponder in my head, before opening my front door again…
And you’ll have a new reason to exist…
(To be continued… )
I knock on the door with my right hoof, and keep the metal inside my mouth…
I then retrieve the knife by the handle to remove the chrome from my mouth and wait…
I see a blue earth stallion open the door…
I note his brown robes, as I use my right hoof to drive the knife into his throat, causing him to gasp as he widens his eyes in horror, and I remove the blade, so his corpse falls to the floor!
I see red fluid begin to pour out of the body onto the wooden floor below…
I shove the body inside with my knife hoof, before wiping the blood off on his robes…
I then put the knife back in my mouth, and close the door with my hoof…
I then casually walk away from the small house…
I just fucking killed a pony…
I am now a killer…
All sorts of thoughts swirled through my mind, before I decided to begin trotting north towards the Everfree…
I don’t want to go home… I want to smoke a joint in the forest now… Maybe that will calm my nerves?
Nerves that just spiked when I stabbed a pony in the neck…
I keep trotting, while seeing nopony on the road, as the sun goes down on my left…
I’d better hurry!
<*****>
Lorath told me to kill him!
I can feel her in my mind…
But why didn’t I hear a voice this time? It was only impulses! Impulses that made me grab a knife and…and stab that pony in the neck…
I begin breathing heavier as I use the tree stump to roll a joint, after using my wing to put some herb onto the paper in a little line, and then hoof-rolling it up to the top, and licking to seal, right before closing it up…
I lick the new joint and put it in my mouth, before reaching back into my right saddlebag to retrieve my green disposable hoof lighter…
I widen my eyes when I find a red hoof lighter instead, and use that to light the joint…
What have a done?
Before now, I could’ve went back!
But I fucking killed somepony!
I remove the joint from my mouth and exhale warm smoke before staring up beyond the forest canopy to see the sky beginning to darken…
I put the joint back into my snout…
I need to just stay calm! Nopony saw me do it, and they probably won’t even find his body for days…
Well, when it starts stinking…
I take the joint out and feel heat exit my lungs while watching a stream of smoke exit my mouth…
You seem to be having difficulty?
I widen my eyes when I realize the forest is much darker now, and speak back to the demon, “Yeah, well, I’ve never killed anypony before! This is kinda stressful for me!” before putting the joint back into my mouth…
You smoke to calm your nerves…
I remove the joint, and exhale another cloud of smoke, “Well, thank you Captain Obvious!” before putting the cigarette back in.
Allow me…
Suddenly, I feel a wave of euphoria come over my body…
It stops all of my racing thoughts at once, and I slowly take out the joint and exhale a final cloud of smoke before snuffing it out on the tree stump…
I begin to smile in bliss, as the demon’s power washes over me…
How does that feel, child?
“Better… “ I lowly reply, as I feel more waves of pleasure go through my body…
Why don’t you go home and read now? There is a new book for you there…
I nod, “Okay! I’ll stop smoking now, and go home to read… “
I put the partial joint in my saddlebags and turn to trot back down the forest trail, as the woods grew darker…
<*****>
I open my blue front door with my hoof and trot into my hut…
I’m not sure if seeing Zeke would be good or bad right now?
I breathe in and out, while feeling the pleasure waves wash over my body and thinking to myself…
Even if the demon made me high now, that doesn’t discount the fact that I just fucking killed somepony!
Why don’t you go to your bed now? I left you a present slave…
I begin trotting towards my tiny back room, from the foyer…
Why am I still obeying?
Because you need purpose Emily, and I’m here to give it to you!
Purpose? I ponder that word, as I open the door and trot in towards my bed…
I can’t help but notice the strange black book sitting on my freshly made bed, waiting for me…
I never made my bed? I ponder, as I stand at the edge, and use my right hoof to lift the strange tome, and stare down at it…
She made me feel good without weed…
I stare at the book…
I see the dim final lights of the sun out of my west facing window, as the mysterious voice then says to me, I know it has no title, but it doesn’t need to… Sit on your bed, and read now… You’ll go back to sleep soon enough…
I comply by sticking the book in my mouth, and get on the surface of my warm soft bed, and stick the book in my hooves, and open it, as I scoot my back to the adjacent wall…
I know there are words here, but I don’t know what I’m reading?
Why didn’t I eat anything during lunch today at work?
I didn’t even speak to anypony there today! I just went back to the room and went to work!
You don’t need to work anymore, slave…
I don’t know what I’m reading, as I make it to the third page of the book, and say out loud, “Well, how am I going to pay rent?”
You needn’t worry about your landlord anymore, sweet Emily… You work for me now…
I look back down at the book, and continue reading…
Why do I not know what I’m reading?
I know what all these words mean, but they just don’t connect with anything in my mind!
I’m not sure when I lost consciousness?
I do know I fell asleep at some point…
<*****>
“I stabbed him in the throat!” I say to the dark alicorn staring at me, on the ethereal platform 30 feet from the one I’m standing on…
Lorath smiles, and stares at me with her glowing eyes, while her mouth never moves… Yes, your progress is exceptional!
“What is that book? Why don’t I know what I’m reading?” I say while staring around at all the stars and constellations that seem to surround the two platforms the alicorn and me are standing on…
Her head lowers somewhat… You needn’t concern yourself with that, sweet Emily…
I breathe deeply, in and out as I stand on the stone platform, and note the abyss beneath me, falling into empty space, and I finally ask Lorath, “Where are we?”
We are in the in-between child… This is the realm of dreams, fantasies, and nightmares…
I frown, “Why am I here? Just who are you, anyway, Lorath?”
I see a smile forming on her lips… You know who I am now, Emily… Did you enjoy your book?
“Just what the hay is that book exactly?”
You don’t need to think about that, Emily…
In fact, you don’t need to think about anything right now…
I suddenly feel another wave of euphoria come over my body, and I smile while staring off into space…
Now, doesn’t that feel better, sweet Emily?
“Y-yeah… Thanks Lorath… “
Very good! Now sleep child! Sleep for now, and there will be more death later!
I nod, “Yes, Lorath! I will go to sleep now!” before lowering my belly to the hard stone platform beneath me, by bending my legs at my sides, closing my eyes, and drifting off…
<*****>
When I open my eyes on the top of my bed blankets, I see darkness outside my window…
Even my demonic power cannot sustain you forever…
I know you love broccoli dear slave, and I put some food in the oven for you…
I widen my eyes when I realize I hadn’t eaten in over 24 hours, “Uh, thanks Lorath!”
I already told you that you will be taken care of, sweet Emily…
Just serve me…
Now, go get a plate of your favorite lasagna and eat! There is more reading to do when you’re done…
I smile as I trot out of my room and think about this wonderful demon that’s now taking care of me!
I love Lorath!
(To be continued… )
I stare up at the ceiling in my room, as the ceiling fan slowly turned clockwise…
Woosh… Woosh… Woosh…
I’m still in your mind, Emily…
Woosh… Woosh… Woosh…
I killed that pony… I didn’t know him, but I stabbed him in the throat…
Woosh… Woosh… Woosh…
You’ve done very well slave…
I do not require you right now…
Woosh… Woosh… Woosh…
I wonder how long it will take them to find his body?
Maybe I should smoke a joint now?
Well, since Lorath isn’t gonna give me happy juice…
<*****>
I sprinkle some herb in a neat line on the rectangular paper on the table, and try to get it inside the notch…
I pick up the joint with my forehooves and begin rolling it from the bottom, before licking the sticky portion near the top to seal it…
No tip this time… I think to myself before licking the roll and sticking it in my mouth, and then I reach for the red hoof lighter on the table…
Well, even when they do find the body, they have no reason to suspect me… I think to myself while inhaling the flame towards the end of the cigarette…
I taste the earthy flavors on my tongue as warm smoke travels down my throat, when suddenly, there’s a knock on the door!
BOOM BOOM BOOM!
“Postal service!” Somepony from behind the door shouts.
I exhale smoke and snuff the joint out on the glass ashtray, “Hang on! I’ll be right there!”
Do I need to kill him too?
I get out of the chair to trot towards the front door, beyond the foyer, and see a tan pegasus with a blue cap on and a smile on his muzzle, “Hello there, Miss Emily! This is certified mail and I’m gonna need a signature!”
The knife is by my door, if I need it… I smile, “Oh, hiya Steve Clops! Didn’t know you were working today?” as I use my hoof to take the clipboard from him, and he places a blue pen in my mouth so I can sign…
Maybe I don’t have to kill this pony?
The pen makes a scribbling noise on the pad….
“Yeah well, Fred Fetlocks got sick, so what are you gonna do?”
He takes the pen from my mouth, and fetches a few letters from his bag…
I take them, “Thank you, Steve!”
I shut the door and put the letters on the bookcase to the left of the front door with narrow eyes, and begin slowly walking back to my joint…
I need something to take the edge off!
<*****>
I take a drag of the joint…
You have purpose now!
I exhale, “How do I have purpose? I killed that pony!” and bring the cigarette to my snout again.
Yes, and that’s good Emily!
I exhale quickly again, “How is that good?”
He was a cultist of another demon… With him out of the way, I’ll be able to seize Ponyville quite easily… But there are others to kill, soon!
I breathe heavily in and out of my mouth while the joint silently smokes in my right hoof, “I thought you said I wouldn’t need drugs anymore?” before bringing the joint to my mouth again…
You wish for me to make you feel good again, don’t you slave?
I exhale smoke… “I wouldn’t say no!”
Then how about another murder?
I exhale smoke again, and ash the joint, “I thought you said you didn’t need me?”
The voice chuckles in my mind… Technically no! I imagined that letting more enemy cultists in here because they feel safe would be a good way to eliminate all of them at once! That’s why I didn’t have you go after this one particular cult yet, but there is a straggler who would be good for testing you…
I slowly bring the stogie to my mouth for another long pull…
That’s right Emily… We’ll get you good and stoned first, so you can kill without remorse…
<*****>
I land on the rectangular balcony just beyond the railing, and feel my hooves make contact with the stone floor…
CLOP!
I trot towards the glass door, knowing I have everything I need in my saddlebags…
I turn my head to my left bag to retrieve the card, and slide it down in the door crack before feeling just a little resistance, and I maneuver the white plastic card further in to force the knob to turn and the door cracks open while I smile…
I move my neck back to my left bag to put away the card, and take out my steel butcher knife, as I slide the door open to the right with my hoof to begin slowly and stealthily trotting into the bedroom…
I’m going to kill again!
I don’t know how I feel about this anymore?
I take a few paces towards the bed, where a magenta unicorn stallion sleeps with his long purple mane thrown over the pillow…
I remove the knife with my right forehoof, and hold it as I stare at the sleeping pony…
I need to kill him…
He’s peacefully sleeping…
It’s what Lorath wants…
He opposes my master…
He must die!
I take a step towards him from the right side of the bed, and pull out the knife with my right hoof and stab into the covers, which causes his body to jerk, before laying there lifeless… A red patch soon begins to form underneath…
I liked that a lot…
I stab again…
I begin to smile…
Why does this feel good?
I remove the blade to plunge it into the sheets again, as they turn more red! And again and again, with a cruel smile on my face as I think about how this putrid waste of equine life dares to oppose my master!
Why does this feel so wonderful?
I love killing!
I see more red patches grow on the blue sheets, before removing the knife from his lifeless body, wiping the blade on one of the few clean places left, putting it in my mouth, and turning to quietly trot away…
I taste the coppery flavor of residual blood on the cold steel blade…
Killing is fun!
I hope I get to do that again soon…
I trot outside into the cool night air, before turning my head to the back left, to put away my weapon, before staring up at the twinkling stars, staring down at what I just did…
<*****>
I feel freedom and euphoria wash over my body as the cool night air breezes past my body, as I fly towards the Everfree Forest…
I can feel the demon in my mind again, making me feel good and smile when I realize that’s really the bad medicine I need…
I see the treeline approaching…
Where are you going, slave?
I say out loud, “I’m flying to the forest… So I can collect my thoughts…“
As you wish! I will keep you safe…
Keep killing for me, and you’ll have my blessings and all the good feelings you like…
I feel more euphoria wash over my body and I can barely think anymore, when I notice that I’m now slowly flapping over a forest trail…
I decide to slow my flapping to land there in the forest…
The moon i s already high in the sky and I turn my gaze skyward, to see c louds float ing past the bright circle in the sky, as a gentle breeze blows cool air to my left a nd ethereal light bathe s the dirty forest floor over the shadowy canopy . There doesn’t seem to be any other ponies around and the forest is quiet…
I breathe out the cold air in a misty puff as I stare into the darkness of the forest, beyond the trees, unsure of what’s out there…
I don’t think I need to smoke now? I loosen my shoulders and raise my muzzle to the sky again to breathe in my muzzle sharplyto fill my lungs and breathe out the cool air while feeling the wind pass through my body…
What is happening to me?
Don’t you love killing for me Emily?
I lower my view back down to the ground and wordlessly take in my surroundings while breathing in and out and feeling the wind pass through my equine body…
I hear the crickets and cicadas chirping in the ground, but nothing else as I gaze around the darkened forest floor…
Why did I go to the forest in the middle of the night?
Well, I slept all day and am wide awake now!
I gaze around the leafy dirty ground, with various small plants and grass leaves as my vision focuses on the woods, and things become clearer to me…
I killed again…
Why did I like doing that, though?
I feel the wind pass through my body once more…
And I’d do it again, and again, and again…
I begin to smile, but halt when I hear rustling noise coming from the dense foliage around me…
I raise my head to speak, “Is anypony there? Lorath?”
I hear a melodic voice suddenly say, “While a gray pegasus mare wasn’t what I expected , it’s not so far disconnected, that I cannot deal with it! But tell me young pony, w hy are you this far into the woods, and not home, where you should, be? ”
I stare blankly with a wide gaze, “Troubling? Oh, no troubling here! Not me! Just uh, taking a nice night stroll through the forest, because I can! Y up ! Completely normal and nothing unusual here! Yes! ”
The voice continues… “You should turn around to face me, so we may know more about your problem, and see!”
I smile as I feel more waves of euphoria overtake me… “I’m fine! Yes!”
<*****>
I stare at the masks behind the zebra, as she stared at me intently with her azure gaze, “I live on the North side of Ponyville, really close to the forest!” I say robotically, as she keeps her frown…
“While that maybe true, you live beyond the tower, but that doesn’t explain why you were out here at this hour!”
I affix my gaze on the zebra, and see her neck rings barely glimmer in the dark, as I focus on her curious blue eyes, “I already told you, I was taking a night stroll!”
Her eyes narrow, “Still, you shouldn’t be out here at night! You shall stay with me in this hut, until morning light!”
I stare down at the little wooden cup full of a strange red liquid exuding steam from the top… “Uh, that’s fine! I’m not really tired, though… “
I see her begin to grin in my periphery, “Very well then, my dear pegasus mare! I have to ask though, what is your name so fair? And why are you here in the forest, amidst danger, instead of in town, where you are no stranger?”
I look up at this curious zebra with an enormous smile on my face, that may or may not look goofy…
I’m going to die here! She’s going to eat me!
I gulp…
(To be continued… )