Awry

I remember how difficult it was to make the decision. Should I believe that the person in front of me really was one of my best friends and do everything I can to help her? Or should I just shoo her away, to see if this is just part of the ruse? What she claimed seemed quite unrealistic, but if it was true, I couldn't leave her alone. But this would also obviously mean that I would have to let her in. And then Ambrosia will be defenseless, at least against her, if the pony in front of me just disguised herself as Wish to get close to us. Which is probably as stupid as it is. A professional assassin capable of such a thing should have no trouble teleporting, say, inside the tower and...

Reaching this point in my thoughts, I pricked up my ears in terror, and, completely contrary to my previous principles, turned and tore open the door. Ambrosia blinked at us in horror from under the covers. Nothing seemed to threaten her - at least not at the moment - but I was determined that, whatever happens, I would not take my eyes off her again.

"Thread...!" Wish whimpered in a tearful voice. "You have to help me! We can't wait! We have to find him! Please... ask Celestia to help! Let's go now! I'm so afraid something bad happened to him! There is no other choice! Why... why is this happening to us? What did we do to anypony?"

"Calm down, please!" I tried, although I could understand her perfectly. "It'll be fine. We're going there together, and I won't leave her alone until she answers all our questions. Does that sound good?"

I couldn't believe my own words. Nothing was fine. It shouldn't have happened this way. It couldn't have happened. If I could believe Wish - and if I accepted that it really was her standing in front of me, there would hardly have been any reason for her to lie - all our theories up until now were fundamentally flawed. No matter how much we tried to act, no matter how much we wanted to let Celestia's ponies figure it out, everything just got worse and worse. The Princess, on the other hoof, knew, if not everything, at least something about all of this. And I slowly felt that I needed that certain "something", any scrap of information that could be grasped with a hoof, as much as I needed the air to breathe...

Wish nodded. Of course, since she brought it up. When I looked into her eyes again, all I saw was this mistrustful, almost paranoid, crazy look. She exuded so much terror that I wouldn't have dared to touch her or try to calm her down a bit with a hug. Even though I felt the same way towards the girl, I still couldn't seem to convince her that I really was me. But it really wouldn't have made any sense if something wasn't right with me. I mean... that would mean that Wish is the target, but I couldn't give an even remotely acceptable explanation for that. Especially since I was still sure of my own identity, if nothing else. Although, if this continues for long, I may start to question that as well...

"Put on your clothes, my dear!" I said into the room. "We have to get to the palace somehow."

"Wait, Thread!" Wish grabbed my shoulder surprisingly aggressively, then she briskly stepped in next to me, but stopped abruptly. "We can't be sure... I'll ask her first!"

"I was with her the whole time," I said, but she made me a little uneasy. "It's okay after all; a question can't hurt anyway..." I added, sending an apologetic look towards my partner, who was still hiding under the covers.

Ambrosia gave the two of us a disbelieving look, but then she could see the reason behind the suggestion as she gave a small nod.

"Tell me, Ambrosia, what was it about the end of second year that we all had such a good laugh about?"

I was busy thinking what she could mean by that while they stared at each other for a few tense seconds, then my fillyfriend spoke.

"You mean... when Jasper mimicked Professor Tome?" asked the pink mare with some uncertainty.

"You found out pretty fast!" Wish growled menacingly with her ears down. "How did you come up with this so quickly?"

"Thread...!" Ambrosia turned to me with a pleading look.

"Don't look at him, answer me!" Wish continued in an increasingly maniacal voice. "How did you figure out what I mean so quickly?"

"What?" I interrupted. Although I didn't find the solution myself, now that the answer was revealed, I couldn't think of any other option.

"I don't know how long Jasper hasn't been himself, but if... but if before that..." Wish answered more and more nervously, not taking her eyes off my fillyfriend. "If it happened before he walked me home...? I want to know if she really is the real Ambrosia! So answer me!" she snapped at her in an uncharacteristically harsh voice.

"I... I just... I just... laughed so hard that... the apple juice almost came out my nose..." the mare explained in horror. "He did it pretty well...!"

It happened exactly like that, I remembered. Despite this, Wish continued to stare at Ambrosia suspiciously, her left eye twitching noticeably. Her behavior made me more and more worried - even though a few minutes ago she almost gave me a heart attack.

"You still don't believe it's her?" I asked a bit demandingly, so that she could feel that despite our dire situation, we were still friends who must stick together.

"I have no idea anymore what to believe!" the girl blurted out.

She looked at me with such a bitter pout, I was feeling pity for her. But... perhaps nothing... disastrous happened... Perhaps we were all just... worrying over nothing...

"Look, after talking to Celestia, we'll find Jasper, okay?" I somehow forced myself to smile. "I wonder if what you saw was really just some cunning scam. Jasper must be fine! He couldn't be hurt!"

"Then why does it hurt so much here?" Wish hit her chest hard with her hoof. "When he left, it hit me shortly after. Suddenly... that... that... I'm going to lose him! It was as if... the world had turned around me! I almost... almost knocked over my wardrobe. Only then... he came, and I calmed down. But how could I be so stupid? I almost thought it was him! I'm so scared that something happened to him!"

"We will find out whatever it takes!" I promised, mustering all my remaining confidence.

It was incredibly hard. I felt terror slowly filling my soul like a sticky goo. I somehow managed to keep my cool. I wouldn't say that I was able to consider the options calmly anymore, but my head remained surprisingly clear. Maybe I just felt that one of us has to think rationally, otherwise... otherwise, we might not even live to see the dawn...

I gently hugged Wish's back while exchanging a telling look with Ambrosia. We really had no other choice. If Celestia wanted to do something, it was about time...

* * *

For a moment, I had the idea of asking Wish to teleport ourselves to at least the entrance of the palace, in order to avoid marching on the open street, but then I abandoned it. I didn't want to burden my friend anymore, after all, performing such a spell with several ponies was even harder than carrying anypony in a dispersed form for me. And my other reason was that I didn't want to give up the solid ground under my hooves for even a second. At least that was something I could be more or less sure of.

Fortunately, there were few ponies walking around the city after dusk, so we could have spotted it relatively easily if somepony was conspicuously watching or even following us. We didn't run into anything like that, though, and the guard let us in without question, even despite Wish's terrifyingly storm-tossed appearance. Arriving at the throne room, I thought about the fact that at such a late hour, there's a good chance we won't find Celestia here, but I was still hopeful despite the lack of ponies waiting in front of the door.

"Good evening, gentlecolts!" I greeted the two white stallions standing in front of the gate from afar. "We came to the Princess. She's here, isn't she?"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Thread, but she isn't," the one on the left shook his head.

It's a good thing that I was mentally prepared for such an answer, so it didn't come as a surprise in contrast with Wish, who moaned softly but painfully next to me.

"Yeah, I suspected that much," I nodded in understanding. "Where can we find her? It would be very important and urgent for me to talk to her."

"That... we can't say," answered the same guard.

"What?" I asked in astonishment. "What do you mean you can't tell?"

"Orders are orders," the other stallion took the floor. "You know the Princess, Mr. Thread..."

"You don't understand," I shook my head, but I felt that if this continued, that certain last straw was nearing unstoppably and I, too, would finally snap. "It's a matter of life and death. That order couldn't have applied to me anyway... The Princess always lets me be with her. You know that too, don't you? So please answer!"

"We would like to help, but even if we were allowed, we wouldn't be able to tell you," explained the former. "She didn't tell anypony where she had to go..."

I went numb in a split second. This can't be...! This really can't be! Right now...?

"Did she leave any message?" I asked, but I was no longer able to hide the tremor in my voice.

"It was only that if you come here, we are to tell you to go home and stay calm," said the guard with a slightly uncertain face.

"How... how can I stay calm?" I snapped. "Ponies are disappearing, idiots! My friends! And you tell me to stay calm?"

"I merely conveyed the words of the Princess," the stallion craned his neck.

"We're going in and I'll look around," I announced, already opening the door to the throne room.

They didn't even try to stop us. Inside, however, we were greeted by ominous gloom and silence. Not a lamp, not one torch; nothing was lit, only a little light filtered through the mosaic windows.

I looked uncertainly at the two mares, wondering what they were thinking. Ambrosia snuggled up to my side softly, as usual, but she kept her eyes on Wish, which I understood as soon as my eyes fell on her. The girl stared blankly in front of her without blinking. I could see that she was sweating, but she seemed to be following my movements mechanically. As I took a step, she did the same, as if in her mind she wasn't even here... but in some terribly scary place...

"Are you okay?" I asked her cautiously, but she didn't respond. "Wish! Wish, can you hear me?"

I reached out to touch her shoulder, but she suddenly shuddered and looked into my eyes for a moment, and shook her head.

"Nothing is okay, Thread!" she whined almost in a whisper. "We are completely on our own!"

"Celestia!" I shouted and the entire throne room resounded. "You must help, Princess! I've never needed you so much! Please come forward!"

Only the echo answered, strangely refracted on the barren walls.

"She can't hear you," Wish shook her head in desperation. "Nopony can hear us! It's just the two of us, Thread!"

I tried to look her in the eyes in confusion, but she didn't even look at me. I turned to Ambrosia questioningly, but she looked at Wish with distrustfully narrowed eyes.

"But Wish!" I pointed at my partner, full of terrible suspicions. "There are three of us."

"No, Thread, it's just the two of us," said Wish, all atremble. "That's not Ambrosia. This is not reality. This can't be real! Just a very clever box. But we can't see behind the illusion, because it's inside our heads! It knows our thoughts! It knows everything we know, and it makes us see what they want us to see!"

"What do you mean by "them"?" I asked in shock.

Could she really be right? Is everything we see really just a fake? If so, I did have a tip as to who could be behind it...

"I don't know!" snapped Wish angrily, so that I could hear her voice bounce off the walls several times. "But they are inside my head! I can feel it!"

She stood on her hind legs and frantically tore at her own mane. She did it with such force that almost an entire lock of hair remained in her hoof, yet she gave no sign of pain.

"They know about my diary, Thread!" spluttered the mare again, like when I went out to her in front of the tower. "Nopony knows about it! Yet every single word I looked back was correct! They know our every thought! No matter how cleverly I ask, they know the answer right away! Just look at Ambrosia! Don't look at her! That's not the truth, Thread, you see that too, don't you? I can't break out! Whatever it is, it's too powerful! It's like... like I'm slowly losing my mind!"

I turned to Ambrosia again, but she returned my gaze with an almost cold and determined stare. Could it really not be her...? I was about to say what I was thinking, but the pink mare was faster.

"I understand now," she said, as sternly as I had ever heard her speak. "So that's what the game is about. You want to take Thread from me. I admit, it was a clever move, but I have to disappoint you, it won't work!"

I was confused again. Ambrosia was acting so weird, yet... it would have made sense if our attackers tried to convince me through Wish that my partner was just an illusion when Celestia was away. At the same time, there was a reason in my own theory, which was based on what Wish said. The only problem was that the two situations were practically the opposite of each other, and their solutions were exactly that much different. All I could do was say out loud what I was thinking...

"If it's Scorch, we still haven't made it back and Jasper is alone looking after Ambrosia."

I looked warily at Ambrosia to see how she would react to me talking about her as if she wasn't there. However, to my greatest surprise, she only smiled softly, almost superiorly, as if she knew something that I didn't...

"Excellent conclusion!" she winked at me with a peculiar, mischievous glee. "Oh, how much they would like you to believe that!"

"You're right, Thread, but it's not Scorch!" Wish completely ignored my fillyfriend's words as she grabbed my head and stared into my face so closely with her bloodshot eyes that even our noses touched. "Somepony helps him or he helps somepony! Jasper and Ambrosia are still in danger! We must break out of this pseudo-reality, immediately!"

"If you hadn't come home, Jasper would have told the Princess, don't you think, dear Wish?" Ambrosia's playful voice filtered into my ears.

"Just... help me somehow, Thread!" Wish shook my head desperately. "We have to get out!"

"But... she's right!" I caught the girl's hoof.

Wish's breathing quickened even more, almost threatening to pass out.

"It was in vain, even if he did!" she finally seemed to snap out of it. "Cavern is gone too. Both Lotus and Stella have disappeared. I can't believe it was actually Celestia who hid them! Remember how weird Stella was when she came back? What if it wasn't her, just like that Jasper who... who... And now we've vanished too! We are trapped in a world of illusion, and our body is lying helplessly who knows where! They'll never find us! Do you hear me? Never!"

Ambrosia gave a low, good-natured giggle that, despite all my swirling thoughts and feelings, reminded me of... somepony.

"It's amusing how much you underestimate the abilities of an alicorn!" she said cheerfully, but then she continued addressing me. "I think the moment has come. I would have avoided it, but it seems I can't put it off any longer. Don't be scared! I promise to answer all your questions! I only ask for one thing. Before you make hasty judgments... think logically...!"

I didn't have time to answer or even react. Ambrosia's horn and eyes lit up, and the light emanating from them covered Wish in an instant, who immediately tried to run away from the spell. But my friend didn't stand a chance. It was just a huge flash, and then I couldn't even see where she was standing a moment ago. She vanished without a trace...

"What did you do?" I shouted angrily at my fillyfriend.

"I put her in safety," answered Ambrosia calmly, with a faint smile.

"Wha... what...?" I stammered in shock.

"Our friend Wish is surprisingly perceptive," the girl stated, still smiling, although it seemed as if a hint of sadness was mixed into it. "However, until she clears her head, she only poses a danger to everypony, especially herself."

I couldn't say anything, I just gaped in silence. Fortunately, however, she did not leave me floating in uncertainty for long in the midst of events that were now becoming totally incomprehensible.

"I'm not saying that our situation is easy, but believe me, it's much harder for me than for you!" the mare looked deeply into my eyes.

As if I had heard this once before... As if her whole behavior... as she was completely out of her mind... it all pointed in one direction... But that really was... impossible!

"I'm not who you think I am," the mare began, sighing softly. "Actually, I'm not just who you think I am. It's hard to explain, but the point is that otherwise I wouldn't be able to pay so much attention, to be present in so many places at the same time. As the ruler of Equestria, it's not easy for me to step away from the throne, especially in a way that's not too noticeable to those... well... whose attention I want to avoid."

"You can't... you... can't be..." I whispered in disbelief.

Many images of us kissing came to my mind. As well as images of us doing much more intimate things with each other. It's... really... To even think about it...

"Princess Celestia? In a way, I'm really not the Celestia you know me to be. Just a small part of her. But believe me, I'm just as real a pony as any of you! There is an advantage of immortality that very few ponies know about and we try to keep it that way. Namely, that we are able to live several lives in parallel at the same time. It has quite serious drawbacks, for example, I have to split my power in many places, but this way I can control almost the entire nation in one person. And without real rivals, it's really not much of a sacrifice for the ponies' well-being. Not to mention the other benefits!"

She took a step towards me with a sly glance, but then stopped. She probably realized that I wasn't willing to believe a word she said. So she immediately continued her explanation, while I just stood petrified and stared at her.

"If you remember, we talked about this before. How hard it is to live so lonely. I don't have a single companion. How do you think I can endure this for so many millennia? You talked this over with me, and you talked it over with the "real" Celestia. Believe me, none of my feelings for you was a lie! This body of mine, this piece of my soul, is as frail as you mortals. I live with it a whole life, as a normal pony, so that it can be reunited with the greater whole in the end. Even though I'm a princess, I need love too. I need your love, your care, Thread! That's why I accepted you as my student. I want to do everything to make you happy, in return for making me happy! I... this simple pony who stands before you loves you with her whole heart. I love you! I know how hard this is to accept, but it's the truth."

I was finally able to move, but it was only enough to shake my head in disbelief. And yet... inferring from some twisted thought... it seemed to make sense. After all, even Celestia herself asked me to be with Ambrosia! I would have thought otherwise that she would oppose our relationship for certain diplomatic reasons. And... the Princess really could read my mind to an amazing degree sometimes. Surely it can't even be explained by how well she knew ponies in general, but she would have learned about things directly from Ambrosia? One day I mentioned something to my fillyfriend, and the next day, what a coincidence, I got tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala from Celestia? And it wasn't the only occasion! The Princess, even if she didn't hint at it or say it, still often acted as if she knew me better than anypony else. And... even when she should have punished us, she chose the gentlest method possible...

"But if... if it's really you, then why...?"

"A perfectly valid point, my dear Thread!" sighed the pink pony with an apologetic smile. "And I'm not going to extenuate, because I really did make a mistake in this whole ugly... incident. However, you should know that I always had your safety in mind, even if it sometimes seemed like I did the exact opposite. Still, I think my reason for secrecy is understandable..." She took a deep breath, then continued. "I have enemies, you may be aware of that. But since I rule this world as the only alicorn, and I am the only one responsible for the Sun and the Moon, nopony would dare to harm me directly. Mainly because they are afraid of me. Still, you'd be surprised if I told you how many organizations I know of are working constantly to secretly undermine my power."

"They hide from me and make it terribly difficult for me to find them. Many times I don't even know exactly what their purpose is. And this time I found myself facing an even more serious threat than usual, although now that I've found out what they tried to achieve, there's no chance for them to accomplish it, you can relax! Unfortunately, there were events that I only claimed were under my control. When Cavern disappeared from my sight, even I was terrified. But I already know that their only goal with this whole diversionary maneuver was to separate us! They wanted to hurt me in a place where... where it wouldn't heal..."

She took a step towards me again, looking at me in such a way that I shuddered. Ambrosia had never lacked this regal appearance, but now, coupled with Celestia's splendor, her figure became incredibly majestic yet fragile. Even with all my shock, a strange, indescribable happiness came over me. Did an... an alicorn goddess deem me worthy of her love? Even if not with her whole being, but with a tiny particle of herself, does she truly and sincerely love me? This is more than I could have ever expected from life!

"They seem to understand how important you are to me," Celestia continued. "I tried in vain to show that I am actually indifferent to you. I tried to keep you away from my whole self, but somehow, they found out about my secret. They tried to get close to you and indirectly to me through your friends. They want to cause me pain by taking you away from me, thus making this little slice of my soul that longs for you so much, vulnerable! I think they might have found some way to do permanent damage to me through this mortal body of mine. But I won't let them do it, don't be afraid! Now it's clear what they used against us!"

"They wanted to drive you insane!" she said, her eyes flashing for a moment. "They wanted to achieve the same thing they did with Wish, and through her they wanted to attack you as well. They wanted to shake your faith in me and in all of reality. This technique does exist... It's amazingly difficult to discover, even for me, so I didn't notice who was using it and what exactly. A very special illusion spell called a splinter. It enters your mind unnoticed and slowly eats itself into its depths. A terrible spell; it's one of those whose use is punishable by death even here in Equestria. But fortunately, only a few can use it correctly, even among nykur-level mind mages."

"And with that... with that, the number of suspects was reduced to a single one!" Celestia flashed a wicked smile. "I have suspected for some time that Mr. Poltergeist has connections with a certain organization called "Free Equestria", but with this I was not only able to confirm it, but I also know exactly his role among them. Even if he didn't necessarily come up with the plan, he was the executor. I think I have to admit that they did a brilliant job, which is why I couldn't put the picture together until now! However, I am putting an end to all of this now! As we speak here, the "great" Celestia gathers her soldiers and strikes, ending the entire rogue organization in a single operation!"

"So... my friends... are they okay?" I asked with hesitant hope.

"Wish is currently being treated by my ponies," Celestia nodded. "Unfortunately, her symptoms were so severe that I'm afraid it will take quite a while before we can completely clear her mind. As for Cavern, although we've lost sight of him, Mr. Poltergeist probably has no interest in killing him, so I see a good chance my warriors will retrieve him now that we've figured everything out. If I get the signal, I'll release Jasper, Lotus, and Stella from quarantine, but until then, I'd keep them there just to be safe. But don't worry, you'll see them all again soon!"

She stepped very close to me and raised her hoof as if she wanted to caress my face, but then held back.

"I would love to change back to my true form so much, Thread!" she said tenderly, with a heart-wrenching sigh. "I'm just afraid..."

"Of what?" I asked, blushing from the mare's proximity.

"Of this," she said quietly, with her ears down. "Do you see? I told you the truth and already... you are keeping your distance from me. If I were to stand before you as Celestia, would you be able to see me simply as your fillyfriend and not as some unreachable royalty? Would you be able to kiss me? Would you be able to touch me... like a stallion touches a mare?"

Seeing her uncertainty, a shaky smile crept onto my face almost imperceptibly onto my face.

"I don't know if I could do it," I answered honestly. "But... I would definitely try!"

Ambrosia gently closed her eyes and her horn glowed faintly. A soft, warm light swirled around her body, then slowly long, graceful, snow-white wings stretched out from her back, her mane turned into an airy pastel rainbow, and then my beloved fillyfriend slowly turned into my beloved Princess in every detail. And although her face once again exuded Celestia's trademark calm confidence and serenity, she still retained something of the mare who always needed my protection. The mare who longed for my closeness and my touch. How terrible it must be to live alone for so long... The least I can do is try to give her everything she wants, no matter how clumsy a young rascal I was compared to her. Although who knows, next to Celestia anypony could have looked like a little colt...

"May I ask... why me?"

"Because you're kind, funny and able to talk to me in a normal voice," Celestia giggled sweetly. "What do you think I need? Yes, Your Majesty, at Your Majesty's command!" she straightened, comically mimicking how her soldiers used to salute her. "They are terribly boring! Why would I want anything from them? I just like studs like you. And when I got to know you more thoroughly, I really... fell in love with you too..."

It was weird to see her blush but it was wonderful all the same. I hesitantly stretched my neck towards her, but habits and instincts really held me back. Just knowing that the ruler of Equestria was standing before me took almost all of my confidence away. I couldn't even finish the motion, but Celestia did it for me. A marvelous, unparalleled happiness and tingle ran through my whole body as the alicorn thrust her tongue into my mouth with passionate vigor...