Book, Bushel, Bread, Bullies
High in the air, a pair of pegasus soared, but only one of them flew.
Sometimes Scootaloo couldn’t believe her luck. A few years ago, the idea of even getting the attention of the great and speedy Rainbow Dash had felt like a distant dream at best. A part of her accepted that her lot in life was to be the plucky pegasus orphan, stuck on the ground with nothing but her scooter and a filly’s worth of self pity.
But now here she was, on the back of her hero and mentor. She got hugs from Rainbow Dash. She got to live with Rainbow Dash. She was flying with Rainbow freaking Dash.
Well, at least, sort of flying. Maybe?
The wind in her hair, the gentle sound and vibration of Dash’s wings as she adjusted course, the way those same wings seemed to radiate gentle warmth, the softness of her fur. It didn’t feel like flying this time, it felt like something else.
Whatever it was, it felt… nice.
Resting her head against Dash’s back, Scootaloo closed her eyes and let the world pass her by.
Dash fluttered down gently on the front cloud of her home, one wing taking out her house keys while the other reached back for Scootaloo. She had been uncharacteristically quiet, but sometimes flying was just like that. No better place to clear your head than the open sky, that was Dash’s expert opinion.
“Alright, squirt, down you go. I got a whole list of chores to do,” reaching back, she nudged the tiny fuzzy orange lump on her back, which responded with a tiny orange snore.
Oh.
Great.
“C’mon, kid, wake up, end of the line on the Rainbow Express, I got errands to run,” Dash nudged a bit harder, only to be met with a whine and a discontent buzzing of tiny wings.
“Nuhhhh. S’not a school day, don’t wanna get up early…”
Her wings flopped back down. Dash sighed.
“Jeez, Scoots, didn’t think you’d be such a heavy sleeper. Feels like I could run a whole race and you’d stay fast asleep,” she thought to herself for a moment, a thought forming in her head. “Or run all around Ponyville. I wonder if…”
A couple of experimental shakes and wiggles were performed, the older pegasus trying out what she hoped would simulate the jostling and flying of a normal busy evening for her. Sure enough, her charge did little more than nuzzle further into her improvised bed, sighing contentedly. As far as Dash could tell, she'd remain asleep and happy if she didn’t reach over and try to deliberately pluck the filly.
And honestly, having a little warm weight on her back felt nice. Comfortable, in a way she couldn’t quite articulate. A smile spread across her face.
“Alright, ya won me over. Consider yourself my assistant for tonight.”
Scootaloo responded with a sleepy snuffle, a bit of drool getting onto Dash’s fur.
“You’re lucky you’re cute.”
“Aight, so that there’s a half bushel of apples, three oranges, one jar ah mayo, and a bundle of asparagus. Bought n’ paid for and bundled up snugger than a corn in the husk.”
“Sounds about right, thanks, AJ.”
“Not a problem. Just one thing,” Applejack squinted over the basket of produce. “I coulda sworn you told me you hated asparagus.”
“Oh dude no, I am still 100% against eating tiny sour trees, but you know,” She sheepishly unfolded her wings, revealing her back’s current tenant. “She loves the stuff.”
“Aw, couldn’t stand to part with the filly huh?” quipped Applejack.
“Well I mean, she’s been doing great ever since I got that room finished, so I figured hey if the kid wants to come with and spend some time doing boring stuff, then more power to her and—” she caught Applejack giving her a look that seemed deviously close to a knowing look. She didn’t like that look. “And, um…” She looked over, contemplating a worthy explanation.
“She’s… helping me with everything.”
“Looks ‘ta me like she’s sleeping.”
“She’s helping me with my bags. Later, yeah. When we go back to my place.”
“Yer bags.”
“Yep.”
“The ones yer going to already just bring all the way home.”
“Yeppers.”
“Sounds to me like y’all didn’t have the heart to wake her up.”
Rainbow Dash frowned. “Look, are you gonna give me the apples or not?”
“Fine, fine,” she passed the bushel over to the pegasus, who snatched it away, giving her a look.
“Thanks.”
“Tweren’t nothing. Just, uh, one thing Rainbow Dash.”
“Yeah?”
Applejack tipped her hat. “Y’all are doing a great job as a mom.”
Rainbow Dash whirled about. “You–”
Applejack shut the door with a smug click.
“My copy of Daring Do and the Vast Oval? I didn’t realize you still had this one.”
“Neither did I, what with all the excitement of… well, Ponyville being Ponyville, you know? You know. Anyway, I found it under my bed recently and figured you’d want it back. I’ve got my own signed copy, so…” Dash brought the novel out, which floated over to Twilight’s waiting embrace with a flourish of her magic.
Twilight smiled. “I’m just glad one of my old library books is finding its way back home,” she leaned in closer. “I’ll never lose you. You’re safe now, my precious.”
“Twilight, are you whispering sweet nothings to a book again?”
“No!” The alicorn hid the book behind her back, blushing, then paused and gave her friend a closer look.
“Are your wings alright, Dash? They look cramped. Oh, you didn’t get another wing cramp, did you? You know I got some balm from Cloudsdale for my own wings so if you need some…”
“What? No, I’m—” the pegasus sighed. “Am I gonna have to do this with everypony I talk to today?” Dash shifted her wings apart, like a clam revealing a particularly orange feathery pearl.
“Oh! Well, that’s just adorable,” the alicorn cooed, then raised an eyebrow. “But are you sure that it's safe? You’ll be flying all around Ponyville today, what if Scootaloo falls off?”
Dash just rolled her eyes. “You’re definitely new to the whole flying thing, huh? Pegasi kids have a natural sense of balance. She sleeps like a fuzzy rock but she’s not going to fall off anytime soon.”
She shook herself a bit to demonstrate, Scootaloo adjusting subconsciously to stay on top, giving a little whine before Dash lowered part of her wing to soothe her back to sleep, looking back at her charge wistfully.
“Sides, I’ve got a close eye on her. Ain’t no filly falling on this Wonderbolt’s watch. I got one wing on her at all times, if need be.”
“Aww, it’s sweet that you’re so protective,” Twilight said. “Good to see you’re taking safety so seriously.”
“Thanks, I—”
“Very parental,” the alicorn flashed her a knowing look, Dash just let out an aggravated huff.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Twilight,” and she turned to leave the castle.
The door to the bakery let out a happy ringing as Dash wandered in, preparing for the worst from the next errand. Was it really so hard for her friends to keep certain opinions about certain things to themselves?
Right on cue, a pinkie ball of cotton candy fur hopped up to her. “Welcome to Sugarcube Corner, where we— Oh, hi, Dash! Let me guess, you want Wonderbolt cupcakes. No, wait, a cake for Tank. Wait, wait, don’t tell me… Oh, wait, right!” Pinkie’s face lit up.” You asked for that loaf of sourdough for a sle—”
But her usual enthusiastic nonsense was cut short by Dash putting a hoof to her mouth, launching into her own speech.
“Listen, before anything else happens, let’s just get all my cards on the table. Yes, I’ve got Scootaloo on my back. Yes, she fell asleep and I’m taking her out with me while I run my errands. Can I pick up my loaf of bread without having any sort of compliments on how great a mom I am, please?”
Dash pulled her hoof back. Pinkie just gave her a confused look. “Are you getting a lot of compliments about that or something?”
“Yes,” Dash said flatly.
“Do you want to be complimented? Cause I bet you’re a super duper mom and—”
“Pinkie.”
“Oh, I see, not ready to pull out the ‘m’ word, right,” Pinkie winked at her. “Got it. Not one peep.”
They both sat there in silence for a moment, before Rainbow Dash coughed. “Pinkie, the bread?”
“Oh, right!” she bounded over to the back of the bakery, looking over a note with Dash’s order. “Letsseeeeeee, one sliced sourdough loaf, ideal for some grilled cheese!”
Pinkie Pie did a double take as she looked over the ticket again. “Grilled cheese? Oh, Dashie, you aren’t going to try to use a pan again, are you?”
“Yes?”
“On a stove?” Suddenly Pinkie Pie looked worried. “You know what happened last time! Do you need my help at all?”
“Hey, I can make grilled cheese now!” Dash replied indignantly. “And I haven’t burned a bowl of cereal in months!”
Pinkie Pie fixed her friend with a hard stare.
“Okay, fine… I haven’t burned a bowl of cereal in weeks. But I got the strawberry jam and the cheddar cheese already, and I just picked up the mayo from AJ. I got a feeling that with a good sliced thing of sourdough it’ll be the most awesome grilled cheese in Equestria.”
The other pony nodded. “Really going above and beyond for little Scootie, huh?”
Dash blushed. “Maybe. What’s wrong with that?”
“Oh, Dashie, there’s nothing uncool about being a good guardian!”
“I’m not—” But Dash was interrupted as a bagged loaf was shoved into her chest, and she was waved out the door.
“Good luck with your self-image issues!” called Pinkie. Dash just grumbled more.
“I can’t believe her. Self-image issues. I ain’t got no insecurities, right, kid?” Dash looked back at Scootaloo still fast asleep.
“Jeez, out like a light and sleeping like a log still? Guess I’m probably not setting such a good example with all the midday naps. Still though…” She looked over her bags.
“Bushel, book, bags. I know I’m forgetting something… Have you seen my list at all, kiddo?” the filly on her back just snuffled and rubbed her cheek against her fur. “Didn’t think so…”
Suddenly, a shadow far above loomed overhead. Dash craned her neck to see a vast cloud floating overhead, as an entire fluffy white city eclipsed the whole of Ponyville.
“Oh, yeah, duh. It’s a Friday. Gotta get the local report to the factory...”
Wings flaring, she took off towards Cloudsdale. The good thing about working for a flying mobile city is that your evening commute wouldn’t be too long. Provided, of course, that it was a Friday.
The bad thing about working for a flying mobile city is that they thought that meant that one weather factory was enough for an entire country. As much of a marvel of magical engineering as Cloudsdale’s pride and joy was, there was always something that caused some sort of delay with the upper echelons of its work crews. Somepony mixed octarine into the yellow or somepony made a snowflake that wasn’t a unique design or somepony accidentally made a thundercloud that wouldn’t stop screaming. The problems piled up.
That meant for Rainbow Dash a simple drop-off stretched into twenty minutes waiting on the least chaotic factory floor, waiting for the weather chief. Still, if she was lucky she could get ahold of her director, pass the report off, and then be back home before—
“Well, well, well. Well. Well. Well well. Look what the cat-but-with-wings spat up after, uh… drinking rainbows from the rainbow rooms.”
“Dude, what?”
“Shut up.”
She could be back home before the Idiot Tribunal showed up. Guess not this time, though. She turned to the three stallions who were confidently striding towards her.
“Hoops, Score, Dumbbell,” she nodded curtly, going back to waiting patiently.
“Didn’t think I’d see your face around here, Rainbow Crash.”
“You see me almost every week, guys. It’s almost like you’re waiting for me,” she sighed.
That brief period of shared awe after her second Sonic Rainboom had given her about a month’s reprieve from the three’s relentless teasing. Sweet Celestia, that had been a nice month. Sadly much like Hoops’ second marriage, that had fallen apart spectacularly, and the trio had gone back to their old ways, even if their jeers continued to make less and less sense.
“What, you have to go back to working for the weather factory after you flunked out of the Wonderbolts?
“You know I’m an actual Wonderbolt now?”
“Yeah, right, and I’m Princess Luna.”
“You are?” Dumbbell, true to his name, looked over at his friend confused.
“Dude, shut up,” nudged Hoops again. He had, by virtue of being able to hold onto their single shared braincell the longest, become the leader of the bullies, and most of their taunting was lead by him. Dash just shook her head.
“You saw me perform. I signed a thing for your mom, you were there.”
“I don’t remember that.”
“...Right.”
She rolled her eyes, taking a deep breath. Look, she was a bigger pony now. Responsible. Wonderbolty. Wonderbolts and responsible ponies didn’t go for the nuclear option just because of some idiots who didn’t get the memo that flight school was twenty years ago. She could deal with it.
“What’s that on your back? That your kid?” Hoops craned his neck to get a look at Scootaloo.
“Oh, yeah, dude, I heard about this, she like, adopted a kid.”
“Oh, well, props to you, then, Crash. Seriously, that’s a real sweet thing to do.”
And see, they could be nice.
“Too bad you got your model secondhand.”
“Dude, look at her wings, they’re like nubs.”
“Gross. Figures Rainbow Crash of all people would end up confusing a filly for a chicken.”
Cool. The nuclear option was on the table then.
Rainbow Dash rounded on them, grinning evilly. “Oh, you wanna talk kids now, do ya? Tell me, Hoops: How’s that custody battle going?”
The trio’s leader visibly paled, color draining out of him like it was his bank accounts and Rainbow’s retorts were alimony payments.
“What did you tell me your colt said to you last month? That he hated sports and wished he was back with his mom?”
The stallion began to tear up.
“I-I told you that when I was drunk!”
“Oh, right. Here’s a thought, maybe if you spent less on cheap booze, you could buy your kid’s love. But hey, money didn’t save your first marriage, right?”
Hoops ran off, sobbing. The other two stallions just looked at her, giving her the expression a cow might give to an oncoming train. She rounded on her remaining schoolyard foes.
“Anyone else got something to say about my kid?”
Just then, a sturdy voice shouted across the hall of the factory floor.
“Are you kidding me right now?”
Another pegasus came trotting up, an older mare carrying a smoothie cup in her wing and a lanyard around her neck that marked her high up in the factory’s vast chain of command. She didn’t look happy, but that was usually the default expression ponies wore around Hoops’ gang.
“I take my eye off you three for a whole fifteen-minute snack break and I find you idiots slacking off again! I need the three of you monitoring the barometers for Manehattan’s upcoming squall, ASAP. Where’s Hoops?”
“He, uh… He ran off crying, chief,” Score shifted about nervously.
“Oh, for the love of Celestia, again?” The weather chief facehoofed. “Go get him out of the bathroom and get back to your posts. Get!” She shooed them away with a wave of her wings, hooves scrambling as Hoops’ lackeys sought to avoid the wrath of yet another angry pegasus. Said angry pegasus turned back towards Rainbow Dash, shaking her head.
“I swear, they’re what, almost 30 years old and still acting like that? That’s what you get for hiring family,” She took a sip of the smoothie, eyeing both Dash and the foal on her back. “You turning in this week’s weather report, then?”
“Yep,” Dash pulled out the sheet, handing it over to the mare. “Mostly Everfree stuff.”
“Figures. You know I got shareholders on my butt, always saying we should try to get that whole place under control. They don’t listen, though, even when I tell them that some of those clouds have teeth. Teeth!” another smoothie sip, the chief nodding to Rainbow Dash’s passenger. “Cute kid, by the way, is she yours or you just babysitting?”
“She’s—” Dash paused, snippets from that afternoon’s errand run playing back in her head.
“Y’all are doing a great job as a mom.”
“Aw, it’s sweet to see you so protective.”
“Do you want to be complimented? Cause I bet you’re a super duper mom!”
“What’s that on your back? That your kid?”
And you know what… would it really be so bad, being a mom to such an awesome filly? Conclusion reached, Dash did what she always did whenever such heinously adorable accusations became too overwhelming: owned it completely.
“Yeah, she’s mine. Meant to drop her off before I went out, but…” she wiggled around a bit. “She’s a bit too adorable to just leave her there.”
“I getcha. Well, good on you, finally being responsible.” The chief eyed the weather report, giving it a once over before nodding and putting it away in whatever strange extra-dimensional pocket pegasus wings seemed to have. “I’ll get this to Planning once I’ve kicked a few flanks into high gear.”
“Sounds good, I’ll have next week’s report ready when it’s ready,” Dash waved at her and turned to go.
“Oh, Rainbow Dash?”
“Yeah, chief?”
The older mare smiled. “Enjoy it while it lasts. Once they get too big, you’ll miss that weight on your back.”
“Will do, chief.”
Bread, book, bushel, report handed in. All set. Once again Rainbow Dash touched down on the cloud outside her house, keys jingling as she unlocked her once more unlocked the front door. She felt the weight on her back shift, the sign that a certain orange sleepy filly had stood up.
Of course now she’d wake up. At least it was just as Dash’s back was starting to get a little sore. She craned her neck over, smiling as Scootaloo stretched out her wings and yawned.
“Well, good morning sunshine, did you have a nice nap?” Scootaloo at least blushed at that.
“S-Sorry, Dash. It’s just with all the wind and your– I mean, the softness I kinda… dozed off,” she hopped off her guardian's back and looked up with big, wide eyes and her best frown. “You don’t, mind right? I’m a bit of a heavy sleeper. You kind of had to be in the orphanage.”
Damn, Scoots, going straight for the guilt trip? Dash waved a wing dismissively, a sly grin finding its way onto her face.
“Don’t worry about it, squirt. It’s pretty normal for pegasi parents to carry their kids around like that,” she gave what she hoped was a nostalgic sigh. “My mom used to do it all the time for me when I had trouble sleeping, they say it gives fillies good dreams, but who really knows for sure?”
Scootaloo blushed even deeper. “I did have a nice dream, you made a grownup stallion that was bullying me cry. So… maybe it does work?”
“Sounds like it,” she winked at the filly, who just looked down sheepishly in return. “You good, kiddo?”
“Could we maybe do that again, sometime? I mean, not when you’re running errands or anything but just…” Scootaloo left the question hanging, Rainbow just smiled.
“You don’t ask if you want to spend time with the best flier in Equestria, Scoots, you should know that by now. We can do this again anytime,” she paused. “Well, maybe not again anytime soon, and maybe a bit earlier in the day next time, kay? You napping this late in the day means you’re gonna be up all night. A good athlete gets a solid six to eight hours and doesn’t oversleep, you know?”
“Sorry.”
“Nah, you don’t gotta keep apologizing, kiddo, I know I’m the most comfortable seat in the house. Besides,” she jostled the filly’s mane playfully and pointed to the sack she was carrying. “This means we can stay up late. What’d you say to a midnight grilled cheese party?”
“Are you serious? Yes! Yes yes yessss!” Scootaloo’s tail began wagging as Dash opened the door and winked. The filly blinked, shaking off the excitement of more quality time with her mentor as she realized what she was implying, and took off into the house after her.
“Wait, grilled? Dash, wait, remember what happened the last time you used the stove! You just fixed the smoke alarm. Dash! Rainbow Daaaaaash!”
To everyone’s surprise, the smoke alarm only went off once. And the sandwiches weren’t half bad either.
Author's Note
Thanks to Toonwriter for the proofread.
And yes, I will swear by mayonnaise instead of butter on the outside of a grilled cheese sandwich. Trust me, it's a game changer.
