Starburst in Wonderland

Starburst flew aimlessly amongst the trees still patting herself all over, especially her neck. She was still uncertain whether she was at her normal size or some other variation of it. She also began to wonder if her sanity was slowly slipping away. “Before I get out of this crazy place I’m pretty sure that I’m gonna have the mother of all aneurysms,” Starburst thought out loud. As she is thinking all of this her eyes caught an elegant looking white house up in a distance. She then landed on the ground and trotted towards the house when she spotted a figure flying towards the entrance. Starburst hid behind a tree as the figure landed near the entrance and knocked on the front door with a fore hoof. Starburst was close enough to realize that the figure was none other than a grey pegasus filly who was the daughter of Scootaloo and Rumble, Echo. However, Echo was dressed in attire that was usually worn by hoofcolts with a powered wig on top of her head. In Echo’s mouth was a white envelope. As Starburst started to make her way towards Echo the front door suddenly opened and out trotted the white unicorn filly who was the daughter of Sweetie Belle and Button Mash, Pixel Bit. Pixel Bit was also dressed in hoofcolt attire and had a powered wig on top of her head. “For The Duchess, an invitation from The Queen to play croquet,” said Echo in a posh manner. Pixel Bit then took the envelope with her magic.

“The Duchess?” thought Starburst silently.

“From The Queen, an invitation for The Duchess to play croquet,” said Pixel Bit in a manner that was equally posh. Pixel Bit and Echo then gave each other curtly bows. Suddenly their powdered wigs got tangled with each other’s and they both struggled to detach their wigs. Starburst who witnessed the whole thing stifled a laugh. After untangling their wigs Echo staggered backwards a bit and then flew away. After Echo took her leave Pixel sat on the steps and looked aimlessly in the opposite direction. “Nightlight said that he was gonna visit some duchess,” Starburst thought silently. “Maybe this is where he was talking about.” Starburst then flew towards the entrance and landed next to Pixel who was still looking aimlessly in the sky. Starburst stared at Pixel intensely and tried to compare her size with the unicorn filly. A sense of relief came over Starburst when she realized that she was taller than Pixel as usual. “Hey, Pixel,” said Starburst. “Have you seen Nightlight around here?”

“Nightlight?” said Pixel who kept her eyes at the skies. “Is that supposed to be night and day mixed in one?”

“No!” said Starburst slightly annoyed. “Nightlight, my brother. The egghead one. He’s always doing some brainy stuff and putting moves on you.”

“Nope,” said Pixel not looking at Starburst. “I haven’t got the slightest clue what you’re talking about, little filly.”

Starburst went agape. “Little filly?” said Starburst turning red in the face. “I’m literally older than you by seven years!” Pixel seemingly paid no attention to the fuming princess. Pixel instead kept her eyes on the skies. “What the hay are you even looking at?” said Starburst moving closer to the unicorn filly. Pixel continued to keep her eyes on the skies much to Starburst’s confusion. Starburst then looked in the same direction seeing nothing but a clear blue sky and the sun. She then let out a frustrated grunt. “Maybe Nightlight’s in here with this Duchess lady,” said Starburst as she made her way to the front door. Starburst stared at the door for a few moments. She then made a loud knock on the door. “It’s no use knocking, little filly,” Pixel suddenly said still keeping her eyes on the skies. “For two reasons. One, I’m on the same side of the door as you are. Two, there’s a really loud racket inside, so nopony could possibly hear you.”

Starburst stared at the unicorn filly with an annoyed glare. Starburst then placed her ear against the door and sure enough there were the muffled sounds of crashing, sneezing and what sounded like the cries of a foal. Starburst stepped backwards and looked at the door in shock. “If I can’t knock then who’s gonna open the door for me?” she said turning to Pixel.

“There might be some sense in you knocking if we had the door between us,” said Pixel keeping her eyes in the same direction. “If you were inside, you could knock and I could let you out.”

“Well, how am I supposed to get in?” said Starburst.

“I’ll sit here till tomorrow,” said Pixel seemingly paying no heed to Starburst. Suddenly Starburst heard the door unlocking and turned to see it crack open. Starburst let out a yelp as a large plate flew out of the door and barely missed Pixel breaking into pieces a few meters away from her. “Or maybe the next day,” said Pixel as if nothing happened. Starburst looked at Pixel then back at the door with trepidation. Meanwhile the muffled noises continued to radiate from the inside of the house. “How am I supposed to get in that crazy place,” Starburst asked.

“Are you supposed to get in at all?” said Pixel not looking at her. “That’s the first question, you know.”

“Sweet Celestia!” said Starburst holding her head with both her front hooves. “Before the day’s over I’m gonna end up in a straitjacket and a padded room!”

“I’ll sit here on and off for days and days,” said Pixel seemingly in a dream state.

“WELL, WHAT THE HAY AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW!?!” screamed an annoyed Starburst.

“Whatever you want,” said Pixel calmly. The unicorn filly then reclined against a nearby railing and whistled nonchalantly. Starburst let out a loud groan and stomped towards the front door. “If she’d lay off the video games once in a while, she’d had more smarts!” muttered Starburst. “Not a nice thing to say, but it’s true!”

Starburst twisted the doorknob and pushed the door wide open. Her eyes widened in shock when she discovered the floor littered with broken dishes and glass bottles. There was also thick smoke lingering in the air which made her hack and cough. “If Pixel’s the butler, she definitely doesn’t do a good job with the cleaning,” said Starburst between coughs. As she moved further and further down the hallway her ears picked up the sounds of breaking dishes, pots and pans falling, sneezing and the blood curdling cries of a foal which made Starburst nervous. She momentarily began to wonder if she might come across the horrible sights of a torture chamber, the types she read about when she came across the crass fanfiction she read revolving around Mrs. Rainbow Dash, Mrs. Pinkie Pie and cupcakes. Starburst then shook the disturbing images from her head and moved further down the hallway. At the corner of her eye she saw a mirror hanging against the wall. Starburst stopped before the mirror and examined herself closely to see if there were any kinds of physical change. Her neck was still the normal size, so was the rest of her body. She could see that she was still a pegasus. She then flared her wings and saw that they were still as massive as she could remember. Most importantly Starburst saw that she was still her seventeen year old self complete with the scar across the left side of her cheek. However, she was still confused as to why everyone kept calling her a little filly. She had not aged backwards as far as she could see. After examining herself she made her way to the noises which seemed to be coming from a large door. Reluctantly Starburst opened the door to find a large kitchen that had huge plumes of black smoke lingering in the air. At one corner of the kitchen was large caldron of what appeared to be soup. At the caldron was a young purple female pegasus with a light blue mane stirring away at the soup and putting large amounts of black pepper in it. The black pepper was enough to make Starburst sneeze compulsively. Starburst then caught herself when she recognized the pegasus as Prism Bolt’s former fillyfriend. “Whirlwind?” said Starburst. The princess then turned her attention to the opposite corner of the kitchen where she found a young unicorn mare seated on a chair filing away on her front hooves. Simultaneously the young unicorn mare was also roughly pushing a foal stroller with her magic. The unicorn mare was wearing a large headdress and an elegant dress. As she was filing on her hooves she would let out these loud, hoarse sneezes. From the foal stroller there was the loud cries of a foal that was also sneezing. Upon further examination Starburst realized that the young unicorn mare was one she also recognized. The unicorn mare was a top notch supermodel named Crème de la Crème who was the only daughter of Canterlot aristocrat Fancy Pants and legendary supermodel Fleur dis Lis. Crème de la Crème, called Crème for short, was often seen at Sweet Apple Acres with Gold Delicious trying to learn, according to Crème, to be a “normal pony.” Crème often had the reputation to be a bit ditzy which got Starburst on her nerves. However, Crème was never snobby and she was always nice to everyone. “Crème de la Crème?” said Starburst in confusion as she trotted over to the unicorn mare. Crème seemed to pay no attention to the young pegasus. Instead she gave a loud sneeze which made Starburst jump back slightly. “Whirlwind, don’t you think you’re putting too much pepper in that soup?” said Starburst with a sneeze. Whirlwind seemingly ignored Starburst keeping her focus on the soup. Starburst examined Crème’s attire and realized it was the type she noticed every duchess wearing whenever they visited either Princess Twilight or every other princess of Equestria. “By any chance, are you the Duchess, Crème?” asked Starburst reluctantly.

“Of course I’m the Duchess,” said Crème/Duchess hoarsely. “PIG!” Crème/Duchess said “Pig” so sharply and loudly it made Starburst jump a few meters upwards. When she caught herself Starburst realized that Crème/Duchess was directing the epithet to the foal who was wailing the whole time. The foal screamed so loudly Starburst could not hear herself think. “To me you were always a high maintenance super model,” said Starburst. “I didn’t know you were a duchess.”

“You don’t know much and that’s a fact!” sneered Crème/Duchess.

“Excuse you?” exclaimed Starburst as she glared at Crème/Duchess.

Suddenly Whirlwind took her attention away from the cauldron of soup and started throwing pans, plates, saucers and other kitchen utensils at the direction of Starburst, Crème/Duchess and the crying foal. Starburst yelped as she ducked, dodged and sidestepped every projectile that flew at her. The projectiles narrowly missed Crème/Duchess with one plate touching the tip of her headdress. One frying pan landed right next the foal stroller narrowly missing the foal. “What the hay’s wrong with you, Whirlwind?” said Starburst staring daggers at Whirlwind. Whirlwind seemingly ignored Starburst and turned her attention back to the cauldron of soup. The foal started to scream even louder which made Starburst deathly afraid that a projectile might have hit the poor child. She looked inside the stroller to find a foal that appeared to be an infant earth filly that was white with brown spots, dark brown eyes and a mane of red hair. Starburst’s jaw almost fell to the ground when she realized that the crying foal bore a strong resemblance to Api Apple, the daughter of Apple Bloom and Pipsqueak. “Api, you’re a baby?” stammered Starburst. “But how?”

“She’s my baby!” growled Crème/Duchess who continued to file her hooves and roughly push the baby stroller.

“No, she’s Mr. Pipsqueak and Mrs. Apple Bloom’s baby!” said Starburst turning to Crème/Duchess. Starburst then shook her head when she caught herself. “I mean, she’s Mr. Pipsqueak and Mrs. Apple Bloom’s daughter!” said Starburst correcting herself. “How is Api even a baby anyway?” Crème/Duchess made no response and continued to file her hooves while simultaneously pushing the foal stroller. Starburst tried her best to ignore the insanity of Api being a baby and focus on why she was even in this kitchen of horrors. “Crème, listen to me,” said Starburst over baby Api’s wailing. “Have you seen Nightlight? I don’t know if you’ve met him, but he’s my brother. He’s a unicorn colt but now he’s a purple rabbit.” Crème/Duchess seemingly paid no attention to Starburst focusing all of her attention on filing her hooves much to Starburst’s frustration. “Nightlight said that he was coming to visit you and that you’re associated with the Queen of Hearts,” continued Starburst. “Have you seen Nightlight or not?” Instead of answering Starburst, Crème/Duchess levitated a foal bottle and placed it in baby Api’s mouth which seemed to quiet the little foal. “ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME!?!” screamed a frustrated Starburst. Crème/Duchess never once even looked at Starburst. Instead Crème/Duchess started to levitate baby Api upwards and downwards with her magic which caused the poor foal to start wailing again. “Crème, stop it!” exclaimed a horrified Starburst. “You’ll hurt her!”

“If everyone minded their own business,” began Crème/Duchess. “Equestria would turn around a great deal faster than it does!”

With that statement, Starburst came up with a sneaky idea. She attempted to test Crème’s intelligence to see if the unicorn mare was as ditzy as she remembered so she would buy time to perhaps save baby Api. “Hey, Crème,” began Starburst. “Did you know that Princess Celestia manages the sun by twelve hours? Princess Luna also takes twelve hours to maintain the moon. That helps Equestria turn on its axis.”

“Speaking of axes,” responded Crème/Duchess. “CHOP OFF HER HEAD!” Starburst’s eyes widened in horror and she turned sharply to Whirlwind expecting her to come at her with either an axe or a cleaver. However, Whirlwind was still stirring away at the soup pouring huge amounts of black pepper in between stirs which made Starburst sneeze. Starburst then focused on the huge plumes of black smoke that cascaded over the kitchen. The princess hacked and coughed as her vision was slightly hindered by the smoke. Baby Api’s wails then snapped Starburst back to reality and she was dumbfounded as to how the unhealthy environment did not seem to bother Crème/Duchess. “Crème, why are you just sitting here?” coughed Starburst. “All this smoke and pepper is dangerous for Api and even you!”

“The only way to calm a crying foal is to sing a lullaby,” said Crème/Duchess seemingly paying no attention to Starburst. Crème/Duchess then levitated Baby Api towards her and she gave the wailing foal a deathly glare as she started to sing in a hoarse voice:

“Speak roughly to your little foal

And beat her when she sneezes!

She only does it to annoy

Because she knows it teases!”

“Wow! Wow! Wow!” added Whirlwind and Baby Api. Starburst looked on in horror as Crème/Duchess began tossing Baby Api up and down in the air. Baby Api screamed even louder with every toss. “CRÈME, STOP IT!” screamed Starburst in horror. Crème/Duchess seemingly ignored Starburst as she continued to toss Baby Api in the air with her magic and started screaming her twisted lullaby:

“I SPEAK SEVERELY TO MY FOAL!

I BEAT HER WHEN SHE SNEEZES!

SO SHE CAN THOROUGLY ENJOY!

THE PEPPER WHEN SHE PLEASES!”

“WOW! WOW! WOW!” added Whirlwind and Baby Api.

“CRÈME, CUT IT OUT!” screamed Starburst over Baby Api’s screams. “YOU’RE GONNA KILL HER!”

“Here, you can take care of her if you want!” said Crème/Duchess nonchalantly. She then casually tossed Baby Api towards Starburst. Immediately Starburst flew towards the wailing foal and caught her with her front hooves. “I’m off to play croquet with the Queen,” continued Crème/Duchess nonchalantly. She then dismounted from her chair and walked out of the kitchen closing the door behind her. At that same exact moment Whirlwind took a huge plate and flung it in Crème/Duchess’s direction. The plate then smashed into pieces against the doorframe. Starburst looked on in disgust and horror. She then refocused Baby Api’s loud crying. “You mares are crazy, both of you!” growled Starburst. Whirlwind payed no attention to Starburst, instead flinging a frying pan in her direction. Starburst ducked with Baby Api in tow as the frying pan bounced against the wall behind her. Starburst let out a grunt and started to make her way towards the door. “I’m calling Foal Protective Services on this place!” she said looking at Whirlwind over her shoulder.

Starburst flew out of the house carrying the crying Baby Api in her fore hooves. When she arrived outside she expected to see either Pixel still gazing at the sky or Crème/Duchess being carried away in a carriage. Instead there was no one around except for Starburst and the wailing Baby Api. Starburst flew into the forest so that she could get Baby Api out of the sun shushing the crying foal with every ground she covered. “It’s okay,” said Starburst gently rocking the wailing foal. “You’re out of that bad house. The bad mares aren’t gonna hurt you anymore.” Starburst landed behind a large tree that provided shade for her and Baby Api. She then sat on her haunches and gently rocked and shushed the crying foal in her front hooves. After a while Baby Api stopped crying and started to softly coo much to Starburst’s relief. “If I didn’t get her out of there she’d die for sure,” Starburst thought out loud. She then looked at Baby Api who now smiled with a toothless smile. Starburst then returned the gesture. “Aw, you’re just as cute as I remember,” she said. “But how did you become a baby again?” Baby Api then let out a giggle. “If Nightlight saw you he’d have a field day coming up with all kinds of ways to make fun of you,” said Starburst. “Speaking of which, we need to find Nightlight. When I find him we’re all going home and hopefully Mom and the Princesses would turn you two back to normal.” Starburst started to fly away down a path with Baby Api in tow making sure not to fly too roughly to upset the foal. While she was flying Baby Api started to compulsively giggle giving the princess the assurance that the foal was comfortable to be in her presence. Baby Api’s giggling soon gave way to what Starburst could have sworn was snorting. Starburst stopped and looked into the giggling foal’s face. “If I didn’t know any better,” began Starburst. “I’d say you’re turning into a pig.” Baby Api simply looked at the princess with her adorable eyes and gave a mixture of giggles and snorts. As Starburst continued to stare at Baby Api’s face she could clearly see that the foal’s nose was slowly turning upwards like that of a pig. Soon Baby Api’s eyes became even smaller and her ears got longer and pointier. Baby Api’s small red tail then got curly and its colour matched the colour of her white and brown coat. Starburst watched in horror as Baby Api’s giggles gave way to squealing. What Starburst now held in her hooves was no longer an earth pony filly but a white and brown piglet. Starburst let out a horrified scream and released the piglet from her hooves. Api/Piglet landed gently on its hooves and ran away into the forest. Starburst stayed hovering in the air with wide eyes and a slackened jaw as she racked her brain trying to process what had just happened. She then shook her head and flew after Api/Piglet. “Api, come back here!” Starburst called out as she desperately tried to keep up with the piglet’s speed that outmatched hers.