Rarity floated in nothing, yet something. She was barely conscious in that she wasn't, yet she was still aware of her quasi-surroundings. She turned her head(?) from side to side, seeing strange symbols surrounding her, all curved and containing more symbols within. Was it a... A language? Why did she think that?

Suddenly a sharp pain spread itself through all of existence. For the brief moment the pain lasted, Rarity no longer had a body, for the pain made it hard to think clearly. As soon as the pain ended, her body returned. Somehow she knew time was just rewritten to some degree, though she had no idea to what extent or how she knew that. She staggered to stand on nothing, which soon became ground beneath her hooves. She looked around to see nothing and everything.

"Hell~~o~~?"

She tried to say that, only for the world to say it for her. Her voice echoed from everywhere except her own muzzle. Rarity thought for a moment, which changed the colors of the world around her. After a few more thoughts of confusion, she finally figured out what was going on.

The Arch had worked.

She was now in her own brain. Her parents/TARDIS were/was right! She was OK, she was just... Living inside of her body's brain. Whoever she was before was in the pilot's seat, leaving Rarity to drift for a while inside the recesses of her unconscious. And, just like her parents/TARDIS said, it was as if she was in a submarine, deep in a dark and scary ocean. As long as no monsters came by, she would be safe as long as she kept going further and further up towards the surface.

Wait... How did she know what a submarine was?

Before she could ponder that for longer, she heard... A noise, maybe? A laser syringe, she thought.

... Whatever that was.

Suddenly she saw a figure, drenched in shadow. A Time Lord, she assumed. It looked like a very skinny minotaur or an especially ugly Diamond Dog, or maybe a hairless ape. The figure... Had style, Rarity had to admit, with a red vest and some very curly hair, not to mention the extensive makeup. Rarity trotted up to the figure.

"Who ~~a~~re y~~o~~u," Rarity demanded of the figure, her voice echoing throughout what must have been their shared head.

The figure leaned in close, centimeters away from Rarity's face, and whispered her reply through Rarity's own mouth.

"I am the Rani, and you are in my way."

And with that being said, Rarity dropped, and she went deeper and deeper... Until everything went black.

Applejack grunted. The world around her was a bit... Fuzzy. She wondered if she would ever feel a pain as intense as that again, but somehow she doubted it. She wondered if that was what death felt like, as if she had rolled around a briar patch whilst hornets and scorpions stung her after doing all of apple bucking season on her lonesome while suffering from a hangover and giving birth to a cactus the whole time, except somehow infinitely worse. In fact, she wondered if there was even a way a person could even describe the pain she had just gone through. Again, she doubted it.

Not helping her recover from that pain was Rainbow Dash's yelling.

"WHAT THE BUCK DID YOU JUST DO?"

The whole room turned to look at Rainbow. The Crusaders and Spike backed away slowly as Applejack recoiled from the noise.

The Rani just grunted in response. "If you choose to cause any more trouble, you will find out first hand. Or first hoof, I suppose."

"I'm willing to risk it."

The Rani rolled her eyes. "How heroic," she said sarcastically. She used her magic to hold up the strange device. "This is a laser syringe. It allows me to alter and manipulate biological material to a certain degree. It's mostly good for medical purposes, but I can and have just used it to activate all of your orange friend's pain receptors and cause them to go off simultaneously, meaning she felt everything her body could even remotely register as painful all at once in the span of a millisecond. Physically she's quite well, but it is the ultimate deterrent." She looked Rainbow in the eyes. "Would you like a demonstration by 'risking it' or will you quiet down?"

Rainbow grimaced, resolving herself to help Applejack stand up, which happened swiftly enough considering what the Rani described. Applejack weakly whispered "she ain't bluffin'" in Rainbow's ear just to make sure the message came across.

"Good," said the Rani. "I believe introductions are in order. I am known as the Rani, and based on your comments earlier I'll assume you already know I'm a Time Lord. I am a scientist, and I was using a Chameleon Arch in order to be able to learn your 'magic' and culture. My 'sister,' meanwhile, was a clone I designed as a control group to see how a Gallifreyan body would react to this 'magic' energy, as well as the formation of a 'Cutie Mark,' which I still cannot believe is the technical term. Have they changed that name in the past few years?"

All present nervously shook their heads.

The Rani facehoofed. "Great, just spectacular. In any case it was all for nothing since I used the wrong Arch."

"The hay do you mean by that," Rainbow asked.

The Rani sighed. "I used a model meant as a form of warfare. The model I wanted to use would have simply allowed me to absorb the memories of..." She squinted for a moment in thought. "Rarity? Yes, I believe that's what I named her. Instead, I used a model that allowed for those memories to be separated from me, allowing for an alternate personality to form similar to dissociative identity disorder."

"To what?"

The Rani just stared at the pegasus. "I have a split personality now, you simpleton."

Applejack managed to compose herself enough to ask a question herself. "Why would y'all even need somethin' like that?"

"I designed it to create sleeper agents in wartime. The user would open the Arch, allowing them to repress any positive memories of relationships with the enemy they were meant to infiltrate until well after they manage to sabotage whatever plans were in motion. There are many flaws with it, and testing caused at least five regenerations amongst test subjects, but overall-"

"RARITY'S STILL IN THERE," Sweetie Belle interrupted.

The Crusader and Spike gasped, while the adults were simply befuddled.

"I- Yes," the Rani confirmed, not wanting to go into some complimented scientific explanation that basically could've been boiled down to "yes". "But don't expect her to just pop up like this was some fairy tale-"

"Don't worry Rarity," Spike yelled, "I'll save you! With the power of love!"

This resulted in awkward looks from all there aside from the Rani, who just stared at the baby dragon. "What," she said flatly.

"Come on, Rarity," Spike said. "It's me, Spike! I know I can free from there if I just-"

"First of all," interrupted the Rani, "how old are you?"

Spike was taken aback by the question. "Um, 11?"

"So a pre-teen?"

Sweetie "Dictionary" Belle spoke up. "Actually, he's technically a baby, dragons just age slower."

"I see," said the Rani. "And how old am I, according to your knowledge?"

Rainbow shook her head, her hoof massaging her muzzle to brace for the awkwardness she knew was coming. "You're, like, 19, same as me? Though you're a Time Lord, so you're probably really a bajillion by now..."

"Right. And that's an adult age, correct?"

"Eeyup," said Applejack, who thought this was a long time coming. She just wished the actual Rarity was the one to say it and let the poor whelp off easy.

"So, unless your world's customs are outright reprehensible to most of the universe or 'Rarity' is a horrible person, she does not love you back. You are a literal baby, and she is a grown adult, so that wouldn't even work regardless."

"That's not true," Spike protested. He looked back at the rest of the group. "Right, guys?"

There was a heavy silence, and very little eye contact, until Applejack spoke. "Well, uh, she likes ya as a friend, but yeah. Rani here's right, she's too old for y'all, she just doesn't wanna break yer little heart. Sorry, Spike, but... Somepony had to say it."

Murmurs of embarrassed agreement filled the room as Spike's heart sank.

"Oh."

And that was all he said before sitting then laying down on the ground.

The Rani shook her head. "Secondly," she continued, coldly, "while I'm sure even 'Spike' could could use his friendship to drive 'Rarity' out in normal circumstances, she is embedded so deeply into my subconscious that she wouldn't be able to hear any of your cries." Although, she thought to herself, if she is even half as determined as I am I expect her to claw her way out before the end of the day. "In any case, you're stuck with me for the time being. Believe it or not, I don't actually want to be rid of her. Whatever knowledge she's grabbed as a sorceress would be useful to me."

Scootaloo stifled a laugh, resulting in yet another stare from the Rani.

"And what, might I ask, is so humorous?"

Scootaloo stood defiantly with a cheeky smirk. "What are YOU going to do to make me answer? Hurt the little filly?"

"I will hurt the 'little filly's' sister," she said without skipping a beat and pointing her syringe at Rainbow, "so do not test me, and tell me... What is so damn funny?"

Scootaloo's faced turned a bit dour, though she was flattered that whoever this alien possessing Rarity was immediately assumed Rainbow Dash was her sister. "Well," she began, "you do know you weren't a sorceress, right?"

The Rani stopped for a moment. "Well, then I must have been a scientist of some sort. Judging by my 'Cutie Mark' I should at least be an astronomer."

"What are you talking abou- WOAH! YOU HAVE A DIFFERENT CUTIE MARK!"

Everyone, Spike excluded, looked. Indeed, instead of a familiar set of three diamonds there was a set of three differently sized circles overlapping one another, with two lines resembling the arms of a clock, a stylized sun and moon at each end, in the middle.

Even the Rani was taken aback. "I had a different 'mark?' Fascinating! At least I managed to get some scientific data out of this. I suppose I had something more simplistic, like a test tube or perhaps a different kind of clock."

"That's a clock," asked Applebloom.

The Rani rolled her eyes. "It's an astronomical clock, meant to measure how celestial bodies such as the sun and moon move as well as the time of day."

"Why would ya need to measure that? Y'all could just write a letter to the princess."

The Rani did not want to even dignify the question of how to even possibly connect those two sentences, so she instead asked "what was my 'Cutie Mark,' then?"

Applebloom scratched her head with her hoof. "Ah think it was three diamonds, right girls?"

Everyone but Spike nodded. The Rani pondered that. "Was I a geologist?"

Sweetie Belle piped up. "You were a fashion designer!"

The Rani blinked. "A WHAT?"

Sweetie Belle backed away slightly. "A fashion designer? Is your hearing alright or-"

"You must be joking. One of you tell me she's joking!"

None did.

"I can't believe thi- A fashion designer?!? I am one of the brightest minds in the history of my entire planet, and yet I use it to make fancy dresses? This is unbelievable! I am simply appalled that-" She stopped to take some frightfully quick breaths before they started to slow. "Well, at the very least I didn't miss much scientifically. I apparently decided dresses were a much better use of my ti- Ugh."

For the first time that day, despite the Rani saying the exact opposite of what Rarity would, they actually felt like similar people.

Sweetie looked at the Rani with big, watery eyes. "Does this mean I won't get my sister back?"

The Rani sighed. "No, no, I would still prefer to have memories of for both scientific studies and because... Well, quite frankly I would like to know what it's like to have a little sister. Besides, I do not want my experiment to be on my bad side, so... I suppose I'll try and bring Rarity back." It was all at least partly true... Though the fact that Rarity would likely come back on her own was something the Rani neglected to mention.

"You mean it?"

The Rani sighed again. "Yes, my little Time Tot. I do."

There was a collective sigh of relief, as if some of the tension in the room had suddenly vanished... Tension that would suddenly come back once two holograms appeared behind the Rani.

"Glad to hear that, ya hoser," said Cookie Crumbles, "we're glad this didn't turn into a big gong show, eh?"

Yelps all around from all except the Rani and Spike, though the Rani did groan. "Really? Why did you choose THOSE accents?"

The two holograms looked at each other. Hondo Flanks was the one to speak. "We thought it was funny, eh?"

The Rani groaned again. "Fine, fine. I regret giving you the ability to talk consistently, but I don't want to handicap my time machine."

"Did ya like our switcharoo with the Chameleon Archs?" Cookie gave the most innocent grin possible after that.

The Rani's eye twitched. "Why in the name of Rassilon would you sabotage my experiments to study a new kind of energy? For what POSSIBLE PURPOSE would you have done that?"

"So you could make some friends, ya hoser," answered Hondo.

The Rani's eye kept twitching. "... And these... Ponies, and the dragon are supposed to be them?"

"And then some more," exclaimed Cookie. "You're an Element of Harmony, after all!"

With that, both holograms disappeared.

"Well," the Rani said, defeatedly, "I suppose we're going to be..." She shuddered. "'Friends', then."

The rest of the room, including Spike, looked at the Rani.

"WHAT?!?"

"My sentiments exactly," the Rani continued, "but one thing you all need to know about a TARDIS. They experience time all at once. They know everything that happens within them from the moment they are born to their demise. As such, they already know my future. Therefore, if they say I'll be 'friends' with you all, no matter how... Frustratingly long that takes, I will. As such, I am going to at least try and do it on my own terms, starting with taking the two adults on an expedition with me."

Applejack's jaw practically dropped. "Y'ALL JUST MADE ME GO THROUGH EV'RY PAIN I COULD EVER GO THROUGH!"

"And I don't even want a 'friend,'" said the Rani, as if the word friend was so alien a concept to her she found it disgusting, "but history is already written. I suggest against fighting it and at least attempting it with me."

Applejack muttered something under her breath. "Fine. Ya up for it, Dash?"

Rainbow exhaled sharply. "If we get Rarity back faster, I guess so. What about the girls and Spike?"

"They'll be fine," the Rani assured them, "the TARDIS will look after them, I guarantee it."

"So uh," Applejack said, "what now?"

"Oh. Well, I didn't realize you were all going to be on board when I took off, so we'll just do what I was planning to do alone."

Applebloom looked up. "What's that? Go explorin'?"

"I was going to conquer the planet," the Rani said matter-of-factly.

Everyone's jaws dropped, aside from Spike had once again resided himself to laying on the floor and gazing at the ceiling.

"We're going to conquer a planet," asked Rainbow.

The Rani nodded. "Well, I'll be doing a good bit of the work, but I can involve you both somehow."

Before either Rainbow or Applejack could protest, the Rani pulled both by the ear using her magic. "Come along now, we have much to discuss. Namely, what a 'Element of Harmony' is, how you know what I am, and, if we've the time, your names."

With that, she left the Boutique, pegasus and Earth pony in tow, leaving behind the Crusaders and Spike.

The three fillies blinked simultaneously. After a moment, Scootaloo said what was on everyone's minds.

"Well, that was weird."

"... I'm not entirely sure how well Generosity suits me. I think I'd be far better for Magic, but then again I suppose I'm not actually Rarity."

There the three were, walking along a desert with no real goal in sight, though the Rani knew they wouldn't be far from civilization.

"Yeah," said an exhausted Rainbow, her wings flapping weakly. "great. How long have we been traveling? Feels like it's been years."

The Rani answered swiftly. "Only five of your minutes. Granted the humidity is making it feel much longer."

"Eeyup," Applejack agreed. "Hotter than a chili pepper in July. Still, ain't botherin' me none."

The Rani grumbled. "Neither do double negatives, apparently," she muttered under her breath.

"By the by," the Rani said at a higher volume, "concerning how you know what a Time Lord is..."

"Well shucks," exclaimed Applejack, "that's a bit of a funny story. Ya see-"

"If it has anything to do with the Doctor, don't say another word."

Silence for a moment.

"Our friend Pinkie is also a Time Lord," chimed in Rainbow.

The Rani gave Rainbow an incredulous look. "Her name can't actually be Pinkie, can it?"

"It's what she likes to be called, but she used to go by Romana."

"The president? Well, small multiverse. Did she happen to go through anything called a Time War?"

Rainbow sighed. "Yeah. Did you?"

The Rani shook her head. "Time managed to be so absolutely massacred in that war an alternate version of me helped me avoid most of it."

Both of the other mares gave her weird looks.

"Look, joining that war was mandatory for some ridiculous reason. The only way out I had was for another me to give me a way out. It's time travel, specifically manipulated for wartime purposes. Even for Time Lords it got confusing. I still had to dodge continuity bombs and the like at various points, but I managed to avoid dying. The fact that I regenerated early on didn't help matters..."

"Now hold on one dadgum minute," Applejack said, "y'all really saw nothin' wrong in jumpin' out when they could have needed ya?"

"I didn't have a choice. I certainly didn't want to die, so it was either risk being erased from history out on the battlements or keep designing deadlier and deadlier weapons until the entire UNIVERSE was caught in the crossfire. Given the chance to leave by a version of me that already dealt with all that and considered it not worth it? Of course I'm 'jumping out,' as you so elegantly put it." The Rani rolled her eyes after that.

"Um, girls?" Rainbow pointed at a cloud of dust headed towards them. "We've got company!"

The Rani chuckled slightly. "Well, it's about time. Now, ladies, would you like to go for a manipulative approach? Or maybe I use my syringe on one? Or perhaps we can-" She stopped as she noticed what the figures looked like.

They seemed to be of various species. Ponies, dragons, yaks, and whatever else. However, as their faces came into view, the Rani noticed that all had the same colors for their coats, yellow with black accents. Not only that, but species like dragons even having coats was odd enough already. And of course, there were their rather feline characteristics...

"Oh, you cannot be serious," the Rani said, annoyed.

"What is it, sugarcube?"

"It looks like-" The Rani stopped and looked at Applejack. "'Sugarcube?' Gah! Whatever! It looks like the TARDIS sent us to the literal ONLY PLANET I could not have conquered outside of Gallifrey itself! We're going to have to run."

"Now wait a cotton pickin' minute, Rani! What are they?"

As the war-ready coalition came forward, the Rani narrowed her eyes.

"Cheetah People."

Author's Note

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