The New Diary of John, the Least Interesting Stallion in Equestria.

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Dear Diary,

Today was a horrid day; I simply cannot explain how terrible it was. But I do suppose I must try… I was awoken by a horribly loud knock on my front door, might I add that it was rather early. I had no other choice than to make my way to the door and find out who could be causing such madness at this time. When I opened my door, to my surprise, was a police officer. The officer pointed to a carriage where a rather dirty looking fellow sat, and told me my manuals had been found and moved to my store. Well, I must admit I was rather happy and almost cheered. But I decided it would be far too exciting for such an early time in the day so I simply thanked him and he left.

It soon hit me, I had nothing to do. Since I cannot go back to sleep after waking up (that’s for too reckless for me), so what was I to do? Well, I attempted to continue with my morning chores.

Sadly, after much attempt I could not do it until my usual ‘wake up’ time. When it reached 7:00 on the nose, so to speak, I went and tried to finish my chores. But, when I was about to make my bed I felt something was far out of placed…

…

I noticed it when I finished making my bed, on my bed spread there was a horrifically large brown stain. I could not believe my eyes; I had stained my bed while drinking a spot of tea. Well, as you can guess, I went off to my laundry room to attempt to clean my bed spread…

There was no electricity running to my washer, meaning I could not clean my dirtied bed spread. So, I did the most exciting thing I’ve done within the past month…

I cleaned my bed spread by hoof (I’m truly sorry for doing such a reckless and exciting thing, and I will avoid such things for the rest of my life). After one full hour of scrubbing and sanitizing my bed spread I was finally done. All I had to do was let it dry, but, while walking I spotted my clock. It read “1 o’clock”; I had literally seconds to get to my store.

I quickly hung my bed spread and got ready to make my way to my store. I then realized I didn’t brush my teeth, I simply could not go to my shop with un-cleaned teeth. So as quickly and thoroughly as I could I brushed. It was time to make my way to my store…

When I arrived I was both disappointed and overjoyed (I cannot explain the feeling, it’s far too hard). I was disappointed because I was late by a whopping 5 minutes, my worst time ever! Oh, I do apologize I used a “!” out of sheer anger. I will try to never do such a reckless thing as long as I live. But even with being late, I had to be happy. My manuals were all there, I triple checked to make sure everything was there. I was in the middle of my 5th check when Ms. Hooves stepped in…

“Three ceiling fans, a dozen or so waffle makers, ten sinks, seven dishwashers, two garbage disposals, five air conditioners, eight ovens, four toasters, eleven micro-waves, six coffee makers, nine humidifiers, and a drier/washing machine combo.

Yes, it seems I have received all my manuals…”

“Good morning John, I have some important information to tell you” she said, sounding a bit distressed. I knew Miss. Hooves would have a good reason to come over, so I figured my manuals could wait. Well, I must say, she did, in fact have a great cause to interrupt me.

“Of course Miss. Hooves, would you like some tea to discuss your topic?” I replied

“Yes John that would be lovely” she said as I led her to my back room…

When we finished, I was surprised. Not in a good or bad way, just genuinely surprised. She told me she had spotted my brother, Andrew wandering around Ponyville attempting to find me. I didn’t know want to do so I simply thanked her and thought about how I would overcome my… stressing situation. Sadly, nothing came to mind.

When I reached home I immediately went upstairs and started writing this… Which leads me to my current time, its 9:05, I’m already 5 minutes past my curfew. I think its best I ‘hit the hay’, so to speak. Goodnight Diary.

Sincerely,

John.

Oh, diary I do apologize but I have something very important to tell you. Well, when I went to put you away I heard a knocking at my door. I assumed it would be the cop telling me how the colt broken into my store, but to greater surprise it was my brother Andrew. One thing was off about his appearance though, his eyes were lowered in a rather silly position and he had a ‘interesting’ grin. Not to mention his breath reeked of Apple Cider.

“Hey man, so sleepy right?” and right then and there he passed. Without any idea of what to do I simply closed the door and went upstairs to sleep. I know it was a bit harsh to do that, but I just do not seem to have the strength to help him. I do apologize for writing beyond my limit. Good Night Diary.

Sincerely,

John