“Wait! Rarity let you watch that?!” Scootaloo reacted with disbelief at her friend’s words.

“I mean, there wasn’t a lot of swearing, and when there was she just covered my ears,” Sweetie Belle recounted. “Plus, most of the movie was just the lady going to the doctor, talking with friends at parties, lying down on the couch while she rolled a toy car on her belly…”

“But,” her friend Applebloom hesitated, “they showed her going to the hospital and having the baby?”

“Yes. I mean they didn’t show everything. She screamed a lot, and the doctor had his head under a blanket that covered her up, so I guess he must’ve seen it come out.”

“Out of where though?!” Scootaloo asked.

Her friends stammered and exchanged uncomfortable glances. Scootaloo then raised up her hindquarters and pointed quizzically to her rear.

“Ah’ guess,” Applebloom said.

“Well it was a wonderful ending anyway,” Sweetie Belle continued. “Seeing her holding her baby, and she and her husband were sleeping side-by-side in the hospital because they were so tired! Oh! And a couple of weeks ago, we went to see our relatives in New Jockey, and our cousin is having a baby! She was wearing the poofy dress and everything!“

“What’s her name?” Applebloom raised her eyebrow.

“Oh, I don’t know. But I’ve never seen something like that before in real-life!”

“What about Mrs. Cake though?”

“Oh…” Sweetie blushed, and lowered her voice. “Can I be honest? I didn’t even know she was pregnant!”

Applejack then thought for a moment, “Huh…okay ah’ can see that.”

“Hmm,” Scootaloo wondered aloud. “Hey guys, speaking of babies, did your parents ever tell you where babies come from?”

The other two were utterly confused by Scootaloo’s question.

“You mean…besides-?” Applebloom then slowly extended her foreleg backwards to point at her own rear.

“No…” Scootaloo groaned. “Not where they come out! I’m asking, how do you make a baby?”

“OHHH!” Sweetie and Applebloom nodded.

“My parents told me…” Sweetie Belle began dramatically, “That when a mother unicorn and a father unicorn have an intense and passionate love for one another, and they wish to have a child, both of their horns will spit forth rainbows of love. These ribbons then become intertwined, descend to the earth, and from the fertile vales of spring…I was born!”

“Wait…” Applebloom said, “That’s not what Granny Smith told me.”

“Also, where’s the part of how it gets into the mare’s stomach?” Scootaloo added.

Sweetie replied, “Well…maybe they left that part out and just told me the important stuff.”

Scootaloo had more, “And since when is your dad the magic type? He uses his hooves more than any unicorn I’ve ever met!”

“Well…” Sweetie was disquieted, “it’s a rainbow of love! Maybe it just does what it wants!”

Scootaloo then took the floor, “Well I talked to a bunch of pegasus kids at school, and they have a completely different story. They all say that they were born, because after ponies get married, sometimes they fly to the top of a mountain with a pool in it. The mare drops in a big rock, and because it's so heavy to carry it makes her cranky, and she can only carry it so many times before she turns 40. Meanwhile, the stallion brings two bags full of tiny pebbles. He can do this for as long as he lives, and it’s lots of fun to drop them in the hole. Whichever one of the stallion’s rocks manages to chip a hole into the mare’s rock, causes it to burst forth from the water as a new baby pegasus!” Scootaloo had a sudden realization, “Oh, but that also doesn’t address the whole coming-out-of-a-mare-thing...”

Applebloom then began to tell her own story, “Well Granny Smith told me that when two ponies get married, they’re given two magical seeds by the preacher - or government official - who got them married. Then they plant the seeds together in a secret garden. The plant grows for 10 months, and taking care of it is really hard work for the mama. She has to eat a lot of food and gets real fat! Then finally, when the plant is fully grown it blossoms into a beautiful baby earth pony, and the momma gets so happy her fat just melts away!”

“Okay, so…” Sweetie Belle said, “maybe this just means earth ponies and pegasus and unicorns are all born differently?” She naively thought this would end the debate, but just saying it out loud made her wonder, “But wait, Scootaloo, isn’t your dad an Earth Pony?”

“Hey, yeah!” Scootaloo was suddenly so incensed, “In fact all these stories just sound like fairy-tales! I think they’re all wrong!”

“Maybe it’s like a metaphor.” Applebloom offered. “Or maybe people just have babies when they get married?”

“Or,” continued Scootaloo, “It’s another lie, just like Santa Hooves! We spent that whole Hearth’s Warming trying to find evidence of him! We used spy-gear, surveillance cameras, body doubles—everything! Then we realized that all the presents were bought by our parennn-!” Scootaloo then realized she was sitting next to Applebloom, and hastily added, “-tal figures.”

As they were venting, a sky-blue pegasus with colorful hair had stopped in midair to listen.

“Well, maybe we don’t go to them for answers,” Applebloom said. Unbeknownst to her, the pegasus lowered herself into view. “And maybe we don’t ask other foals who’re just as clueless as us. We ask someone who's cool!” The pegasus’s eyes lit up. “Someone who doesn’t play by all the rules.” The pegasus struck a pose and donned a pair of sunglasses. “And who won’t talk down to us just because we're foals!” The pegasus’s confidence grew with each descriptor, striking poses and amping herself up. The pegasus gave a confident nod with her hooves on her hips.

By this time, Scootaloo had taken notice of the other pegasus, “Rainbow Dash!”

“Oh yeah, like Rainbow Dash. She’d be a good choice.” Applebloom remained oblivious.

“Better than good!” Rainbow Dash performed an outside loop and set down next to the fillies. “How’s it going girls?”

“Great now that you’re here!” Scootaloo ran to the front of the group. “We’ve got a question for you, Rainbow Dash.”

“Really?” she feigned ignorance, “Well little buddy, I’m an open book! Ask me anything! Unless it’s a nerdy question, save those for Twilight.”

“Well, heh-heh,” Scootaloo said, “this is more like a common knowledge thing. We’re just totally out of the loop on this so could you tell us…where do babies come from?”

Rainbow Dash froze like a deer in the headlights, and then in a matter of seconds had faded from existence. The Crusaders weren’t too startled by this. By now they knew that Dash was SO fast, she had gotten away quickly enough to leave an after-image of herself. They took it in stride and began talking about who they should ask next, but Scootaloo looked pretty heartbroken by it.

The next dozen or so ponies were basically the same. Some of them just ran away, some made excuses, others ignored them completely, but everypony tacitly refused to answer the young ponies’ question. There was a wall-eyed postmare who just poked their cheeks (in lieu of pinching), and said, “Daw! You’ll find out someday!” then whispered, "But use protection, trust me!” before darting away like the others.

The phillies’ next recourse was to consult the only mare in recent memory to have given birth in Ponyville, and to do so at a location where she couldn’t get away from them.

“Howdy there, Mrs Cake!”

They had walked into Ponyville’s premier bakery and patisserie, built to look like a gingerbread house with an interior of candy cane pillars and swirled taffy stickers on the walls. A chubby blue mare with a pink swirl of hair stood behind the counter, handling a piping bag full of buttercream with her hooves to decorate one of her cakes.

“Well, hi Applebloom!” she chimed, ”Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle. I’ll be with you girls in a second,”

AB looked to her friends in reassurance. The Apples were old friends of the cakes, even in ways none of the Apple siblings were privy to. This was Applebloom’s contribution to their search.

“So, what can I get’cha?”

“Aw, we’ll just take a couple uh’ sodas,” said Applebloom, trying to look as innocent as possible. “Uh, ah’ll take a lemon-lime. Sweetie Belle…?”

“Banana-cream!” beamed the unicorn.

“Give me a raspberry soda,” Scootaloo said.

“Real raspberry, or the fake blue kind?” inquired the mare.

“The fake blue kind.” Mrs. Cake then nodded and ducked behind the soda fountain as she poured their beverages.

“By the way Mrs. Cake…” Applebloom began, “We wanted to ask you about somethin’…”

“What’cha wanna know dear?” she asked.

“Well see, me and the girls were curious,” Applebloom nervously rubbed the back of her neck. She then noticed the impatient look on Scootaloo’s face, “Ahm! C-cause, yer’ a mom ain’t ya?”

“Sure am! Twins are turning two next month.”

“An-and that means before you had ‘em…” Mrs. Cake slid a tall glass of green soda with a lemon to Applebloom’s place at the counter, “You were carryin’ ‘em around in yer tummy right?”

“Oh-ho-ho!” Mrs. Cake gave a kind chuckle, “Well, yeah. I guess I did,” she blushed.

Suddenly Sweetie Belle leaned over the counter on her elbows.

“What did it FEEL like?” She begged the mare.

“Ohh!” Mrs. Cake was slightly taken aback, but nonetheless obliged. “Well, I guess if I had to describe it-”

“Wait, wait!“ Scootaloo interrupted. ”Sweetie Belle! Nobody wants to know that!” Sweetiebelle sank in her stool.

“Look,” Scootaloo turned to Mrs. Cake, “we already know that that’s where babies come from, okay? What we really wanna know is: how does it get in there?”

Mrs. Cake had stopped short of finishing Sweetie Belle’s soda. She couldn't break the sound barrier, so she was stuck as her eyes darted around and she tried to stammer out a response. She then noticed Pinkie Pie as she came down the stairs.

“Pinkie!” Mrs. Cake zoomed over to her. “Me and the girls were just talking about you! Why don’t you take these fillies for a joyride around town—on your fly-cycle?”

“Really?” Pinkie looked from them to Mrs. Cake.

“Sure! I know they’ll be perfectly safe with you. Maybe you can help them get their Cutie Marks for ah, flying…stuff.”

“Aviation?”

“Yeah, that!”

“Okie-dokie-lokey!” the pink pony began to bounce past Mrs. Cake only to be pulled back into a whisper.

“And when you’re done, just drop ‘em off at their folks' places alright?” Pinkie then pointed at her with a click and a wink.

“Alright girls, come on! We’re gonna do some FLYING!” She grabbed all three unwilling fillies under both ‘arms’ and ran outside.

“Wait!” Sweetie called back, “What about my soda…?” Then when she was further off, “-and my story!”

The girls were floating high above Ponyville on the seats of Pinkie’s flying machine. No windows shielded them from the harsh winds, so they had to shout as loud as they could to converse. Sweetie Belle could only shiver from the cold whilst having to grip her handlebars for dear life.

“ISN’T THE VIEW GREEEEEAT FROM UP HERE?” Pinkie shouted back at the three.

“Y-y-y-yeah! It’s-s-s rrrreally great!” Applebloom was still somewhat coherent despite her shivering.

“WHAT?” Again, only somewhat.

“AH’ SAID ITS REALLY GREAT!”

“I KNOW RIGHT?”

“Hey Pinkie Pie! I’ve got a question for you!” Scootaloo was the least afflicted out of all the ponies, and her voice rang the clearest despite the high winds they were experiencing.

“YEAH? WHAT DO YOU WANNA KNOW?”

“Can you please tell us where babies come from?”

“WELL EVERYONE KNOWS THAT SCOOTALOO! THEY COME FROM INSIDE THE MOMMA! LIKE A CHICKEN!”

“Yeah, we know that! But we were wondering how it gets inside the mom!”

“OH!” Pinkie didn’t sound surprised, but that didn’t make her answer any less disappointing, “YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT YET!”

“Why not?!” Scootaloo was now actually as incensed as her volume suggested. “It’s not like we’re gonna go out and make one!”

“I DON’T KNOW, YOU’LL DO A LOT OF CRAZY THINGS SOMEDAY WHEN YOU FALL IN LOVE…AND YOU’VE ALREADY DONE A LOT OF CRAZY THINGS TO GET YOUR CUTIE MARKS, HAVEN’T YOU?”

“None of us want Cutie Marks for being moms, Pinkie Pie!” Scootaloo briefly looked back at Sweetie Belle for confirmation, but her eyes were just shut closed as she waited for this ride to be over.

“WELL STILL, A LOT OF PEOPLE END UP MAKING BABIES ON ACCIDENT! JUST LOOK AT DERPY! TWENTY-FIVE AND SHE HAS TO LIVE WITH THE CARROTS ‘CAUSE SHE CAN’T AFFORD A HOUSE YET! SHE JUST GOT TOO CURIOUS I GUESS!” Pinkie kept rambling, “‘COURSE, IT NEVER HAPPENED ALL THOSE TIMES I EXPERIMENTED WITH MINTY…”

Experimented? Scootaloo and Applejack looked back at each other, utterly confused. Sweetie Belle actually opened her eyes and raised her head.

“What?” Applebloom went unheard again.

Scootaloo was on it, “You did what?”

“ME AND MINTY,” said Pinkie, “TRIED EXPERIMENTING TO FIND OUT HOW TO MAKE BABIES!”

“That green girl from the candy store?” Scootaloo asked.

“YEAH!” Pinkie laughed. “FIRST WE TRIED TO GET A UNICORN BOY TO MAKE A RAINBOW WITH HIS HORN—BUT IT DIDN’T WORK. THEN WE TRIED DROPPING ROCKS IN A MOUNTAIN POND—BUT IT DIDN’T WORK. NEXT WE BROKE INTO THE MAYOR’S OFFICE TO TRY AND FIND SEEDS TO GROW BABIES, BUT THEY JUST CAME OUT AS THESE WEIRD LEAVES THAT WE MADE INTO BROWNIES!” Pinkie was in full rant mode, and the phillies were in hell.

“THE BEST ONE WAS WHEN WE TRIED MAKING THE PERFECT LITTLE GIRL BY COMBINING SUGAR, SPICE, EVERYTHING NICE WE COULD THINK OF, AND A BLACK VIAL OF X-CHROMOSOMES INTO A BIIIIG CAULDRON! BUT IT DIDN’T WORK AND MINTY JUST GOT A HUGE TUMMYACHE AFTER THAT! WE AGREED I WAS THE MAN IN THE RELATIONSHIP!”

Scootaloo raised her eyebrow, Applebloom had just given up and laid her head down.

“WE THEN THOUGHT OF TRYING TO PUT THE MIXTURE IN HER ANOTHER WAY…” Pinkie was abruptly stopped as a second, angrier looking Pinkie Pie appeared in front of her with her legs wrapped around the front of the vehicle, stopping the original’s mouth with her hoof.

“OOH! THAT’S RIGHT, PINKIE PROMISE!” Pinkie turned back to the fillies, ”CAN’T TELL ANYONE WHAT WE DID!”

“Forever…!” the doppelgänger trailed off menacingly as she lowered herself out of sight. Even Pinkie seemed confused, and peeked over the prow to try and see where the other Pinkie disappeared. She shook it off quickly though.

“BUT HEY, I JUST REALIZED WE CAME UP HERE TO GET YOU YOUR CUTIE MARKS, AND I’VE JUST BEEN HOGGING THE WHEEL! SCOOTALOO, WHY DON’T YOU DRIVE FOR A BIT?”

“Wait, what-?” Scootaloo had no time to object as she was plucked out of her seat and strapped into Pinkie’s. The zany Earth Pony then took her seat between Applebloom and Sweetie Belle, and threw her hands up in the air as the fly-cycle dove.

“AAGH!!!” Scootaloo began to pedal like mad and slowed their descent. They began to pull up slightly, as she continued to strain like she was trying to use her own underdeveloped wings to fly.

“You got this Scootaloo!” Their speed and altitude had lowered enough that Pinkie could speak at normal volume, “Just let the fear of dea-…of getting REALLY hurt motivate you!”

“Well that was a bust,” Applebloom and her friends were resting on a Ponyville park bench. Pinkie had left them there with blankets and cocoa. “Ah’ didn’t expect Mrs. Cake to play hardball like that. Who do ya’ll think we should try next?”

Scootaloo had barely begun to catch her breath as she lay sprawled on the grass. She was in no mood to talk yet. Sweetie Belle was still shaken by the experience. It was some time before she could speak, but for emotional reasons.

“‘Cause, if y’all are listenin’, ah’ just wanna say ah’ don’t think anypony’s gonna answer our question. Nopony wants to!”

Sweetie’s shock turned to a weary brooding. For a while she just stared down at her cocoa, appreciating the swirls on the surface and intermittently taking sips. Eventually her drink was sipped down and the marshmallows gone, and she could see the leavings of cocoa powder at the bottom of her mug. And that’s when it hit her! If no pony is going to answer our question, maybe we ask some other creature!

“Say my name…” a ghostly echo came to Sweetie Belle’s ear.

“Discord…” Sweetie mumbled.

“Say my name…” the voice was louder

“Discord.” Sweetie said it again.

“Say my name!” the voice was at full volume

“DIS-CORD!” The name rang out with a supernatural echo.

A deep, haughty laugh soon followed. The leaves in the summer park swirled as a breeze picked up, and thunderclouds quickly formed over the surrounding area. Pale green lightning struck the ground, then the source of the voice - now a delirious cackle - arose from the earth: it was a bizarre creature whose serpentine body was an assortment of different animal parts. The thunder and lightning stopped as it bent down to greet the three.

“Well, if it isn’t my fellow Cutie Mark Crusaders. How nice to see you!” The creature looked down to see the prone Scootaloo, who could barely turn her head to look at him, “Looks like you’ve had a busy day…”

“Hello Discord, it’s good to see you too!” Sweetie Belle said politely. “Do you think you could help us with something? We’re kinda stuck.”

“Oh.” Discord seemed disappointed, but there was always something disingenuous about the way he spoke. “It’s the same old story! No one wants to hangout with Discord unless they want something from him!”

“No-no! You’ll like this, this is right up your alley! See, we need your help to do something that’s a little…subversive.”

Discord slowly turned his head with an audible creaking sound, “I’m listening…”

Applebloom had risen from her seat and came to Sweetie Belle’s side, “We’ve been all over town today asking every adult the same question, and none of ‘em wanna answer it! Each of our parennn-tal figures has a different story for it. Pinkie says we’re just not supposed to know it yet or we’ll get in trouble!”

“Pinkie Pie? Well that’s just hypocritical coming from her! I for one have NO problem revealing forbidden knowledge, and I’ve learned quite a bit throughout the centuries! For instance…” He then snapped his fingers, and the Crusaders were now suspended in a starry void.

“Did you know, there is an Alicorn for each of the seven planets?” Images of the other four Alicorns appeared before them, “But only ONE of them is a guy! Quicksilver, my man!” The small grey alicorn gave him a high-hoof.

“He’s cute!” said Sweetie Belle.

“Or…” he snapped again, and now they were falling through the atmosphere, then down into the dark Earth. “-That earthquakes are caused by giant snakes moving the tectonic plates?” They heard a loud rumbling, then the darkness was lit up by a giant orange eye. Scootaloo was wide awake now, and let out a horrified scream.

“Oops!” Discord snapped again, and they were now in a sterile white room with high ceilings. All around them were ponies in sunglasses and tuxedos. “This here is S.M.I.L.E. headquarters! There’s the director.” He pointed to a tall, blue haired white unicorn mare with eye makeup.

“Discord! What are you doing here?” She glared at him.

“Relax, Majesty! I’m just looking around.” he circled her with his hands clasped behind his back. “Since when has a little forbidden knowledge ever hurt anybody?”

Every pony around them either lit up their horn or trained a sidearm on him, “STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE!” The Crusaders put up their hooves.

“Fine.” Discord then swiped his finger, swapping the room out with an adjacent one. It was some kind of engineering lab where the central subject was a pony-sized exoskeleton with wings and a horn. The scientists were thrown by the momentum of Discord’s swipe.

“Hmm,” he inspected the robot chassis, “looks like someone’s getting a little big for her britches…Okay I’m bored now.” He snapped again, and they were back in Ponyville.

Sweetie Belle shook her head, “So you’ll tell us?”

“Certainly girls! I’m an open book, ask away!” Discord had transformed into an actual book as he floated in the air. It opened to reveal a smaller version of himself reclining on the pages.

“Y’know,” said Scootaloo, “Rainbow Dash said the exact same thing, and then she disappeared as soon as we asked our question.”

“That’s why I’m cool, and she’s not.”

“Okay! Disco-” Sweetie Belle began, but her mouth was covered by Applebloom.

“Hold on Sweetie Belle,” Applebloom cut in, “Discord, ah’ want you to Pinkie Promise you’re not gonna disappear, or send us away, or…just plain refuse to tell us! You HAVE to answer our question!”

“Seriously? Gah, fine!” Discord pouted. “Cross my heart,” he produced a treasure map of his body and drew a dotted line across his heart, “hope to fly,” clasped his hands and gazed hopefully towards a giant housefly with a halo around it, “stick a cupcake in my eye!” and finally he conjured a cupcake that he then shoved into his right eye. His tongue then popped out of his mouth like a cash register, holding his right eye.

“Alright…” Applebloom was satisfied.

“Discord,” said Sweetie Belle, “can you please tell us where babies come from?”

“Okay!” the draconequus grabbed his head and twisted it until there was a snap, then flopped over on the ground like a dead snake. He quickly opened his eye to check if they were still there though. Sweetie Belle glowered down at him as his tongue was hanging out.

“Et tu, Discord?”

Discord sighed, “I’m sorry girls…” Discord picked himself back up and twisted his head back to normal. “It’s just…there are just some lines that I don’t think Fluttershy would like me to cross—and neither would the audience. I don’t think she would trust me with Screwball quite so much if I didn’t have some idea of what’s appropriate or not. Answering your…innocent questions? I-it’s a slippery slope.”

“Aww…” the Crusaders were downcast.

The spectre of a displeased Pinkie Pie emerged from the bushes, having sensed the violation of her sacred promise. She stomped in Discord’s direction with fire in her eyes.

“Oh, away with you!” Discord merely flicked his wrist and Pinkie was sent flying into the distance. He composed himself, “Look girls, maybe I can…steer you in the right direction. Then you can find the answer yourselves!”

The Crusaders perked their ears up, even Scootaloo.

“But every time we ask them a question, ponies just run away!” Sweetie Belle pleaded.

“Then you need to ask someone-someplace where they can’t run away,” said Discord.

“But what if they send us away?” Scootaloo complained.

“Then do it in a place where there are so many likeminded souls demanding an answer, they cannot all be turned away!” Discord said this with finality.

There was silence, and the Crusaders still seemed lost.

Discord groaned, “Do I have to spell it out for you?” They nodded. “Alright, I’ll give you a hint…”

Before the bell rings at eight in the morn’,
Be there in a little red temple,
It’s a house with white gables,
And 24 tables,
All set for the town’s secondborn.

There’ll be a full crowd,
Excitable, Loud,
And eager for any disruption,
When everyone’s seated,
And you at the front,
That’s when you’ll make your introduction!

The pink haired mare with wisdom to share,
Predisposed to taking your side,
When she hears your dispute,
Give continued pursuit!
She’s stuck there, with nowhere to hide!

You’ve got your tools,
You’ll know where and when,
You know who to be asking your question,
I know you’re not fools but you know how to use-’em,
So good luck with your intervention!

“Pink-haired mare…?” wondered Sweetie Belle. “It can't be Pinkie Pie.”

“White gables?” Scootaloo said, “What are gables?”

“It’s those things on the side of a roof that-” Applebloom then gasped, “Wait a minute, ah’ got it! It’s-!” her mouth was then zipped shut by Discord.

“Uh-uh-uh! Save it for the cliffhanger missy!” He then cleared his throat, “Well friends, it’s time for me to go! I’ll see you at the next Crusader’s Camp Out! I’ve found the perfect spot in the Mesozoic for a picnic!” A wonky spiral gateway formed in the fabric of time and space, then Discord leapt forward and was gone. The zipper disappeared from Applebloom’s mouth and she gasped for air.

“Crusaders! Ah’ know where we’re going tomorrow…”

Author's Note

***Discord is friends here with the Cutie Mark Crusaders, based on their relationship in the IDW Comics.

***Also, I mentioned Screwball, but she's not related to Discord or Fluttershy.