Iron, Wine, and American Mouths

Life was going good.

It had been a few weeks now, and all sorts of events occured. That social thing the sisters had been talkin' about was something called the Sisterhooves Social, pretty much a relay race with your sister.

I mostly hung out with Big Mac that day, who seemed just fine with us sharing some cold ones and contented silence between us while the sisters were off doin' their thing. He seemed mighty thankful for my company, and opened up a bit, talking about how he wished he could participate in something like the Social someday.

I shrugged. "Maybe you n' me can join in on it next year."
He flinched, side-eyed me, and said through gritted teeth, "I ain't exactly a mare.."
I slowly took a sip of my drink. "Buddy, up until a week ago, I was a stallion human. Now I'm a pony mare. Life comes atcha fast."
His eyes widened. "...You was a stallion..?"
"Eeyup."
He looked off in the distance, thoughtfully. "That explains so much about you.."
I laughed hard at that.

That Pink mare, the weird one, apparently had a tradition of throwing every pony that came to town a welcoming party. Walked into the barn one day, and got flash banged with confetti and a chorus of "SURPRISE!"
For a bit, I was freaked out, thinking the Hunt had found me, but naw.. Took a while to still my beating heart, though. If nothing else, it helped me be introduced to the fine folk of Ponyville.
Though, everyone kept asking if I "really was Applejack's cousin"..
Weirdest part of that was when the Pinkster handed me a piece of apple-shaped apple cake, and said to me, "Welcome to the family, Bonnie!"
No idea what that meant. Good party though.

A few days after that, Apple Bloom got her cutie mark! Least, I thought she did, until more n' more of them kept appearing on parts of her body. It was freaky, seeing her get puppeted by magical forces in a real familiar way. Applejack looked after her sister while I was sent into the Everfree to find some lady named Zecora. Turned out there's a druidic alchemist in them woods. She was on her way to Ponyville anyhow.
Weirdest part was when I came back to see Apple Bloom lifting a thousand kilo dumbbell like it was nothing, with her TAIL.
I didn't know our tails was prehensile like that, but then Zecora did the same thing to pull out some seeds from her saddlebags.
Eventually Apple Bloom spilled the beans and revealed she stole a flower that gave her something called cutie pox.
Damn magic, you scary.
With her lesson learned, she was restored to her usual energetic self.

Other than the occasional wilder days, it was a simple day in, day out routine of working on the farm, sharing a drink with Big Mac after supper, dreamless sleep, repeat.

Yup. Life was going good.

Too good.

I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop.

And drop it did.

It was on the tail end of fall, something called the running of the leaves comin' up soon. I had gotten cozy on that couch, and was sleeping, when suddenly, I dreamed.
That was a bad sign. I don't usually dream. Not unless..

Oh no.
"Oh yes," purred a slithery voice from behind me. "It has truly been far too long since our last chat."
I turned my head around, and saw the Queen of Night, Herald of the Winter Court, my fuckin ex-boss, grinning wider, and wider, rows of teeth, like a shark, and then far too many teeth beyond that. I started sweatin'.

"Not many are so lucky as to survive a Hunt. It took my court many weeks to find you again, little witch." They ran a claw under my throat, threatening to slit it open. My teeth chattered and I got clammy with sweat. "We have never seen this world before.. and oh, how magical it is~."

Wake up, wake up, oh god, wake up. My boss's smile turned into an enraged hiss. "Your precious Harmony couldn't keep you safe forever, little traitorous PEST."
They suddenly pulled away, and I was left in the darkness, looking every which way.
"But you, oh, you! You have led us straight to an untapped wellspring of mana, and POWER. We will use this land to fuel our conquest, and cover the world in woods once more, to drive your PITIFUL race of APES back to the SAHARA where they belong.

Woods sprung up all around me. "But.. now, we will take this world for ourselves as well.. And then we will dance, drink, be merry, and FEAST UPON YOUR FLESH!!"

Claws, so many claws, shot out from the darkness to snatch and tear me apart, but they hit a dome of magical deep blue glass.

My Boss's eyes stared at me through the darkness, like a cat's eyes shining in the light. I looked to my side.
A winged unicorn, deepest blue with stars dancin' in her mane, was standing next to me, emanatin' raw amounts of power.

My boss tilted their head, then kept tilting it further, till it came all the way round back upright.
"Hmmm. Interesting.. we will see, about that. But.. it is no matter.. We! have left.. a little gift. For you~! Hoohoohooohooooo~! Come and play with our little dollie...~"

And then my boss, and all their claws, faded into the darkness. The winged unicorn looked to me, and gave me a smile. She made to open her mouth, to say something, but--

The dog started barking.
I jolted outta sleep, n' glared at the dog. She looked right spooked, like she could tell somethin' was wrong, then I heard a small muffled scream from upstairs.
Apple Bloom!

I hurried up them stairs, the rest of her family was already rushing to her bedroom, and they gasped in shock at what they saw, and I don't blame em, given what they was seein'. I skittered in behind them. They was all stuck in the door way, gaspin at the sight in horror.

A quick assessment told me this was somethin' fae, a freakishly tall humanoid figure, taller than the house. It had a long gaunt limb reachin' into the house, grabbing onto Apple Bloom through the window, and she was hanging onto that windowsill like her life depended on it.
It did.
I hurried down them stairs and raided the kitchen.

Salt? Easy to find, there was a whole can of it.
Silver? Opened the drawer and grabbed some cutlery. Licked it.
Yeah, that would work. I found a set of saddle bags, threw the salt n' silver in them bags and looked around again.
Iron? That was a tough one. The longer I dilly-dallied, the less time Apple Bloom had.
I looked out the window and saw a wrought-iron pitchfork leanin' against the barn outside.
"HANG ON, APPLE BLOOM!" I heard Applejack shout upstairs, a mess of hooves on the wood tellin me she done jumped into action.

Brave. Real brave.
I decided that gettin' that pitchfork would be plan B, first thing was first, I looked around for anythin else that might help me.
The lantern that Applejack had when she found me was sittin by the door, a few matches and some extra oil sitting by it as well. Perfect. Fire. Fire good. I snagged the oil and the matches, threw it in them bags, and ran out.
Step one: Stop that damn Stick-man thang from gittin' away!

Ran outside and on the way I grabbed a silver knife from my bags, and I saw the damn thing throw Applejack clean across the yard! She screamed, landed somewhere in the trees, and the stickman turned and started stompin' away, n' I weren't about to have that. I held the knife in my mouth, and went for the ankle, stabbin' into it with a jabbin' swing of the neck. Its screams were like a nasty blizzard wind, threatenin to freeze you stark stiff. But it worked. The 'flesh' hissed and burnt red hot, and the stickman fell to the ground, and I hurried along its trajectory to stab a silver fork in its wrist when that hit the ground too. That made it lose control of its hand, and it let Apple Bloom go. Yee-ha!!

"RUN! GIT!" I shouted to Apple Bloom, n' she didn't need to be told twice. "GIT TO YER FAM'LY!"
She turned back to look at me while she ran, quiverin' lip asked me an unsaid question, 'But what about you?'

"I GOT THIS! MOVE!" I answered, before its other hand grabbed me and tossed me straight up in the air, like my ass was a flapjack getting flipped, and it made me nauseous as all get out. From my spinnin' flyin' grace, I could see Apple Bloom makin' a run for Big Mac, who was also makin' a run for her. I also saw the stickman gettin' movin to grab her again, and I'm pretty sure Mac yanked her away from the claw just far enough that she was safe. That's all I could see before the nausea took precedent.

By the time I was back down on the ground, I was about ready to upchuck, and when I saw I landed next to it's other foot with a tumblin' thud, I did.

Yeah, I puked on it. Not my finest moment. But it was one hell of a distraction play, cuz it scrambled back from the family and made to try and scrape my ex-dinner off its foot, hissing and spitting like a cat in heat.
Oh yeaaah. Stomach acid, is an acid! Science, baby! It's other foot was injured now too, and the knife in its heel was still doin work. It thrashed about somethin' fierce, smashin a hand against me in the process. I went flyin, tumbled, and struggled to regain my senses. When I came to, I saw that the stickman had done worked the silverware out, and was upright again, moving back to the house.

I gathered my bearin's a bit more, and saw the pitchfork not to far from myself. Plan B! Cold iron! I grabbed it, and made a rush, even though my body was filin' some complaints to upper management. It saw my approach real easy, what with its height, and was makin' to kick me back, before somethin wrapped around it's neck!
Applejack! She was battered n' bruised, but hell hath no fury like a mother scorned - or I guess a big sis' in this case. She done lassoed the thing by the neck, and was yankin' it back, makin' it lose balance and tumble down! I jumped up on the stickman's chest, and listened close for its heart - the source of its magic, before drivin' that pitchfork deep in! It jittered, shook, shivered, n' screamed, all sorts of angry curses in ancient sylvan tongues, but iron is iron, and the pitchfork did its job. With its primary source of magic damaged, its vessel wouldn't last too long - it was already showin signs of dyin' the way that its arms and legs started curlin up like a dead spider.

"Begone, foul sylvan!" I shouted in my best impression of an exorcist, "Your kind ain't welcome here! By my power, I cast thee out!" I twisted the pitchfork in further.
The stickman weren't too happy with my demands, making a low, droning howl, like the sound of a twister flyin' through the woods, and I stomped the thing's chest real hard. "GIT! Before I remove you from this here mortal coil!"

It wasn't gittin'. It decided to push its luck. Turned its anti-human face towards me, three holes where the mouth n' eyes woulda gone, all janky and shakey, like a shitty claymation film, and it hissed somethin.

"M̸A̴R̸S̵H̶A̴L̷L̵.̵.̷.̴ ̶Y̴O̶U̴ ̵N̶E̴E̴D̵ ̸U̶S̶.̷.̸.̵"

Fear done ran down my spine for a bit. Names. Have. Power. It was invokin' my old one to yank at my soul, n' take me away again. I felt the ol' haze comin' back in, and I looked up and saw Applejack lookin at me as my eyes started glazin' over. I saw the others hidin' in the farmhouse, then I saw Apple Bloom's fearful lil' eyes. Felt a bit of.. somethin', spurrin in my chest, couldn't describe it, but it cheered me on, and I faced that Fae with the righteous fury of any witch worth her salt. "Like Hell I do!" I screamed, "Y'all needed ME!"

It just used my ol' name, but that ain't my name no more, huh?! I weren't about to let it get away with that shit it just tried to pull! I made to focus my magic, even though I didn't technically have it, cuz I only did when working with the fae. But here, there was magic everywhere with those with ears to hear it. I flicked my hoof while I stomped again, like I was trying to snap my fingers and punch the ground at the same time, and I reckon it worked, given that the ground below us both burst into a big ol' gout o' flame.

Kind of a mistake. That meant I got caught in the pillar of fire myself, but I been burned worse before, and the faerie took the brunt of it. It was down for the count. I had to hurry. I ripped the pitchfork out, slithered off the thing right quick. Started surroundin' the beast in a circle of salt, pourin' out the canister around it, and then I started shovin' silverware into its limbs to pin it down and sap its power.
I had to be quick. Didn't want it to regain that strength now. With the remainin salt, I drew arcane symbols in the grass, a spell of banishment, and then realized I didn't have much to work with in terms of offerin' to the world. I took a look at my wounds, saw I was bleeding.
Fuck it.
I wiped my blood on the pitchfork and hoisted it up on high.
The Stickman's face contorted into something like fear, but I weren't gonna give it a second chance.
You either take my deal or you taste my steel.

I said again, "And I say again your kind ain't welcome here! I cast you, and your kin, OUT!!"
With that last word I stabbed the pitchfork into the earth, and the monster howled in agony, and began to melt into a sludge of grass, glass, bones, and wood, the ground reclaimed what it was owed, and the rest crumbled apart like a shitty antique doll, before the earth swallowed it alive, leavin only a few remnants behind.
With another flick-stomp, I doused that entire pile of crap with fire, until there was only ashes. The salt kept the blast of flame from escaping, the circle magically keeping it all inside.

After that, there was silence, and a perfect circle of burnt grass and ashes. Nothin more.

I huffed, snorted, wheezed, my heart was thumpin' and thunderin' like a drum solo. I spat to my side, then drew a cross in the ashes.
Better safe than sorry.

Applejack slowly walked up to me.
"Hoo-ee, I ain't never seen anypony do magic like that! ..You uh.. wasn't makin' that story about the dam up on the spot?"
I shook my head, bewildered. "No. Folks where I'm from called me a witch."
She blinked, then looked at the pile of hot metal slag, and squinted. "That our cutlery?"
I sighed, "Look, I didn't have pure silver n' iron to hand, now did I? Had to work with what I got! 'S what I do."

The rest of the Apples emerged from the farmhouse, Apple Bloom started runnin towards Applejack, before I stepped in the way and looked at her with a bit of a hard gaze. She stopped, lookin' confused.
"Just verifying your identity. What's the name of the flower you stole to try and get a cutie mark?"
She was real afraid before perkin back up, "The Heart's Desire!"
I looked to Applejack for confirmation.
"Eeyup." She confirmed.
"And, one of the cutie marks I got was a fancy. lookin' symbol, and I started speakin' another language!"
Smart kid, rememberin' a detail like that.
"Well, good. They didn't replace you then." I said, slowly lettin go of all the tension I had.

That's when I let the badass facade go, dropped the pitchfork and slumped to the dirt with a real long sigh. "Good.."

I don't remember blackin' out, but that's kinda typical. I woke up to the sound of hubbub and commotion. I looked up and around me, found I was on the porch to the farmhouse, now. Applejack's friends were huddled around her, n' the Cutie Mark Crusaders were together. All were concerned, worried, checking up on their dear friends. They was gettin' hugs for days.

I saw a glass of water passed to me in my peripheral vision. Right, I got horse sight now, was kinda easy to forget. I turned a bit to see it was Big Mac. Fella didn't say anything to me, but he had this look in his eyes, trying to say 'thank you' without speakin it, lest the emotions burst out that proverbial dam and make him act a fool.
Poor bastard. I took the glass with one hoof and patted him on the shoulders - withers? - with my other hoof. "Don't mention it, big guy."

"Eeyup," was all he said, could say, with a lotta fatigue in his throat, probably real upset that he didn't do much in that fight.
"Hey."
He looked to me. "You gettin' Apple Bloom outta there kept her safe. Don't think you didn't contribute." I assured him.
"...Eeyup." he said again, a bit steadier this time. He walked over to Apple Bloom and her friends.

Granny Smith came out a bit later, with a bit of fresh food for me. Before she handed me the food, however, she set it aside, n' hugged me tight, but gingerly, the way only a gramma could, and she said to me, "Thank you so much for savin' my grandfilly..."
"Well, I weren't about to let a monster take a child like that."
She pulled back from the hug, kept her hooves on my withers, lookin me dead in the eye. "Even so! Most folks woulda turned tail and ran," and then she looked to the side, and muttered under her breath, "darned folks these days don't know the meanin' of lookin' out fer one 'nother.."
"Speakin of running.. I'm fixin' to leave this town come mornin'." I said quietly.
She looked at me confused, worked some wax outta her ears, n said, "Say that again, hon, louder this time, my ears ain't what they used t'be!
"I said I'm leavin' tomorrow morning." I said with a bit more confidence.
She looked at me like I said I was gonna paint her house pink. "Now why would you go and do that, Bonfire? Y'all been a delight to have around."
I sighed. "It's best I leave, Granny. Safer for your grandkids that way. The Folk who sent that monster, well.. they ain't good people. And me bein' around y'all is puttin' you n' your family in harm's way. I ain't gonna do that to y'all."

She frowned, then grit her teeth, dentures fixin to pop right out. "Like fuckin' TARTARUS you will!!"
I jumped at her swearin, lookin at her all boggle-eyed, and she kept on going, "Y'think we's just gonna leave you all alone t'fend for yerself after all you done did for us, helpin on the farm, giving Big Mac a friend, savin' my Apple Bloom, and treating us with nothin' but respect and kindness?! Y'got another thing comin', Bonfire Applebake, we're Apples to the CORE, n' that means we don't leave our kin behind, n' as far as I'm concerned, after tonight, yer one of us! Y'even got the cutie mark to prove it!"

Oh, god dammit, is that why I got the apple on my butt?!

"You's stayin' or else I'm gonna have Applejack drag you on back and then I'll tan your hide until that coat's redder than Big Mac!"
"Uh. Yes, ma'am."
"Yes, GRANNY." She barked at me. "Yer an Apple now, y'hear?!"
"Y-yes, granny, I hear ya. Loud n' clear." I meekly nodded. She harumphed, nodded, then shoved the food in my arms. "Now eat! I saw you toss yer cookies earlier, I ain't lettin' you go to sleep hungry!"
"Yes, granny." I said.
"Attagirl. Now I gotta get some shut-eye, y'all better head to sleep once all this ruckus is over."
"I'll uh.. make sure the others get to bed soon, granny."
She turned and walked back in the house.
God damn. She can be a real scary lady. You don't mess with old folk that got their wits about them still.

I ate my food, and felt my ears burnin'. I looked up for a moment to see the purple unicorn chick - ... Twiii.. Twilight! That was her name. Twilight was lookin' up at me with a mix of concern and curiosity. I think. Applejack noticed, and waved me over. I got up off the porch and walked to em.

"Evenin' girls." I said to the others. "Whatcha need, Applejack?"
"Twilight doesn't believe me when I said you did magic."
"You're an Earth pony!" Twilight protested. "Earth ponies have enchanted speed, strength, agility, and affinity to the earth, but they can't do spells!"

I deadpanned at the mare. "Y'all ain't gonna let us get any sleep until I prove it, aren't you."
"No! This goes against all previous understandings of magic! You're an EARTH PONY for Celestia's sake!!"
"Sounds a mite prejudiced if you ask me, miss."
She bristled, then realized what she was saying. "... Y-you're right, I'm sorry."
I sighed, "Apology accepted. That coulda come out politer, I've just had a bad night."
Applejack chuckled, "Yeah I bet. We're gonna have to buy new cutlery tomorrow cuz Bonnie done burned it all."

"Woah woah woah," said Rainbow Dash, "What do you mean burned it? You can't burn spoons! They're metal!"
"Yes, actually, I agree." Twilight looked up at me again. "The melting point for silver is one thousand, seven hundred and sixty three point two-four degrees marenheit."
Rainbow snickered, "Egghead."
Twilight ignored her. "There is no way you could conventionally burn silver out here without special equipment!"
"Magic." I answered plain and simple.
"Huh?"
"I do fire magic."

Twilight's horn lit up, and she teleported a silver ingot in front of us. "Prove it."
"... Y'all're gonna wanna stand back."

Stand back they did. Twilight even produced a shield to protect everyone.. Big Mac held Apple Bloom especially close.
I threw a stomp flick on the ground. The metal was swallowed by fire, and once the flame was gone, it revealed that the ingot turned into more of a sad looking puddle of hot sludge.

Twilight looked at me in pure shock.
"There!" I snorted. "Can we all git t'bed now?"