Twilight glanced at her friends all gathered in secret in Applejack's cellar, laughing and chatting with each other, though her own heart was cold with fear. It had been fun and exhilarating to promise Luna that she could unclench her sister's mind and...so on. But now that she had gathered her friends together in this conspiracy amid the dark and tumultuous rainstorm outside, the full gravity of her plan was weighing on her.

Her thoughts swirled, shadow boxing with herself. "Can I really do this? Is it right to even try? Equestria would be so much better off if Celestia could loosen up, but if we fail, what's going to happen? Do I have the right to chart this course myself on behalf of so many?" Ruminating, she stared out a crack in the cellar door into howling wind and darkness for what felt like 10 years, 7 months, and 20 days.

In the warm glow of the lantern, Applejack took notice. "What's up with Twilight, ya'll?"

Pinkie grinned and answered cheerfully, "Oh, don't worry, everyone, she's just monologuing. I do that sometimes too, but mine are usually happy, like when I describe my day to anyone watching or reading! Once she gets a bunch of character work out of the way, something will snap her out of it!".

"Pinkie, what are y--"

A tremendous thunderclap shook the cellar, snapping Twilight out of her reverie. "Told ya", Pinkie chirped quietly.

Twilight gathered herself, committing fully to the plan, and turned dramatically to face her friends. "Welcome, everyone, to the Celestia Libido Overhaul Program!"

With a stomp of her hoof, a full color vinyl banner emblazoned with "C*L*O*P*" unfurled behind her, Twilight beaming beneath it.

After a beat, Rarity was the first to speak up. "Darling, not this again..."

"Twilight, we can't keep doing these crazy schemes of yours to get Celestia to fuck! You always back out at the last minute anyway", said Rainbow Dash.

"And how do you keep settin' up that dang banner in my cellar without me knowin'?", said Applejack, annoyed.

"also I still think 'clop' has a separate meaning that maybe you don't mean...", mumbled Fluttershy, mostly to herself.

Rarity attempted to be the voice of reason. "Twilight, dear, we decided it simply isn't worth the risk to take on the princess just to get her laid. I mean, we're just six ponies!"

Twilight expected this reaction, and rallied her friends. "No! We're not just ponies, we're the Elements of Harmony!"

Princess Luna, always with a flare for the dramatic, took this moment to step out of the shadows, adding, "and there's not simply six of us."

Twilight's friends' eyes went wide. "Princess Luna?!" they shouted in unison.

Rainbow Dash spoke without thinking. "Twilight, what is she doing here? If she's anything like her sister--"

"She's not!", Twilight said, "She's...she's actually hornier than any of us."

"Hornier than me?", asked Applejack, incredulous.

"Hornier than me?", asked Pinkie Pie, pulling a colorful bouquet of dildos out of nowhere.

"Hornier than me?", asked Rainbow Dash, brandishing her 11 volume Daring Do slashfic compilation.

"Hornier than moi?", asked Rarity, fainting into her chaise longue and into the arms of her anatomically correct Fleur de Lis plushie.

"Even hornier than me?", asked Fluttershy, eyeing Luna up and down, biting her lower lip.

"YES! Hornier than all of you! Okay, maybe tied with Fluttershy, jury's still out on that one, but definitely up there for sure!"

"Well, tarnation! Why didn't ya say so!", said Applejack. The mood of the room shifted completely. Ever since the six had braved the Everfree forest on their own, they had emerged some of the horniest ponies in all of Equestria, and finally they were in the presence of one of their own. Laughter and stories filled the cellar for a time, and as the evening wore on and the rain fell outside, Twilight and Luna related the plan.

***

"So everyone knows their roles?", asked Twilight.

In unison, the rest replied with a confident "yes!"

"Excellent! In a three days, the Grand Galloping Gala will become the Grand Grinding Giga-orgy, and Princess Celestia will be free of all her...brain problems!"

"Or we'll all be dead or in the dungeon for treason...", added Applejack.

"And I'll be on the moon again...", added Luna.

"Oh cheer up, guys! I know what will make us all feel better...a PRE-ORGY ORGY!", Pinkie Pie beamed with excitement.

"Really? In my cellar, Pinkie Pie?", said Applejack.

"Oh, don't worry, we can spruce this place up in a jiff with my orgy cannon!"

Pinkie pulled the cord on the cannon, and with a loud and disconcertingly wet pop, beds inflated, a wrapped bandolier of dildos and vibrators unfurled, and somehow an office-style water cooler of lube sprung into existence. As the friends grinned at each other and got ready to see what the Princess of the Night could really do, Pinkie stared at the fourth wall of the dimly lit cellar, directly at you.

"Sorry, folks, but if you want actual clop, you'll have to check out any of the...", she glanced down at a clipboard, "five thousand clopfics posted in the decade since the last update. We believe in you!"

With that, the pact was sealed and the plan set in motion.

Author's Note

Soooooo, it's been a decade. How's things? Is anyone still out there?

The genesis for me finally adding to this story was playing Sucker for Love: Date to Die for. I don't want to spoil anything, and the game is actually quite chaste, but it reminded me how fun a dumb comedy smut fanfic could be. I haven't written creatively almost at all since the last chapter 10 years ago, but I re-read this story, and you know what? Now that I've forgotten all the jokes, they hit like new, and I thought it was pretty dang funny.

I'd thought off and on about finishing it every few years, and how funny it would be if the story came back to life after 2 years. After 4 years. After 6 years. But now here we are, 10 years later. Different world now, kind of scarier world, but also with the same kindness that existed before, even if it's a bit harder to see online.

Anyway, re-reading comments people left back in the hey day of this story and of this site was really positive. Wondering if there's anyone still out there that would make this worth continuing.